I opened the door and only Arthur came inside. It’s raining. I couldn’t find the other cat. She’s usually the first to come through the door, so I got slightly worried.
Okay but imagine in the DC World it’d totally be a thing to have #OnlyInGotham trending, a bunch of tweets recounting the most unbelievable shit you ever saw while living/working in Gotham
#OnlyInGotham Just had to serve starbucks to The Riddler. Spelled his name wrong on purpose.
So Two-Face came into my bakery today. Spend an hour arguing with himself on what to get. wtf. #OnlyInGotham
Lol just saw someone dressed as The Scarecrow, was pretty convincing! #OnlyInGotham -Dude that guy escaped Arkham this afternoon -wHAT
“I just saw Batman help a mother duck and her little ducklings cross the street. That Gordon dude on tv was right, crime really is down. #OnlyInGotham”
The Target I work at just stocked these ridiculous question mark decorations. Guess who’s getting robbed tonight. #OnlyInGotham -those things probably only sell in Gotham anyway, well “sell”
Turned on the tv and apparently my psychology professor was arrested for kidnapping and murder… #OnlyInGotham
Someone just commissioned me the weirdest suit ever… It’s green and purple… is it a cosplayer or do I go to the cops? #OnlyInGotham
^ I though it might be Joker but turns out it was just the Riddler so nvmd….
“Just saw Robin doing a handstand outside…on top of my car…#onlyingotham” -Update: witnessed some grade A parenting when Batman saw him.
It’s still going look at this. Amazing.
Weird short guy came into the hat shop today looking for a top hat and wouldn’t stop calling me Alice. WTF. #OnlyinGotham
^ RUN
just had to deliver pizza to the roof of our building. looks like a slow night for Batgirl and Robin #OnlyInGotham
do u ever wonder how many people would be non binary if they were actually educated on sex/gender and were encouraged to explore themselves
I was talking to this person about nb genders and like mid way through the conversation they were like “wait tell me more about this i think that might be me”
Ok Snape, Voldemort and Harry are the three brothers but do you realise that Dumbledore is Death ? He greeted Harry at King’s Cross and was the one behind Snape and Voldemort’s death.
*epic jaw drop*
old friend
Fuck man
He’s the one who gave Harry the invisibility cloak too
“oh hey,” she said, “it’s a really touristy area, but since you’re gonna be passing through anyway, you might as well stop by pier 29, see the dragons. also, there’s a—”
“hold on,” i said. “i knew your city had mountains, but. dragons? uh, actual living dragons?”
“dude, it’s not a big deal. they’re there all the time. of course they’re majestic and everything, but they’re loud and cranky and mostly they lie around eating garbage. now and then the city council will talk about trying to make them roost somewhere else, but—”
“dragons,” i repeated. i knew it was making me sound like a rube, but it was a lot to take in. “you live in a city that has dragons.”
“no, it’s cool, we used to go see them when i was a little kid. it’s worth doing. but that whole area is mostly dragon-themed gift shops, and the commercialization is kind of a bummer. also, sometimes a dragon will melt somebody’s car and it’s a whole problem.”
“honestly, i forget other cities don’t have them?” she said. “there’s a few other sites on the west coast where they gather. portland calls them wyverns, but that’s a portland thing.”
“chicago’s got, like, bunnies and songbirds,” i told her, “but otherwise it’s just your typical vermin. pigeons, rats, sphinxes—”
“sphinxes? what the hell.”
“oh, yeah, they nest in the el tunnels. sometimes a fucking sphinx will flap down out of nowhere, bring the whole train to a halt until the front car answers a riddle.”
“that sounds exciting,” she said.
“it’s the worst. your train winds up being twenty minutes late, and you just have to hang out hoping somebody up there read their mythology. there’s supposed to be a program where the conductors get trained in riddling, but i don’t know. rahm emmanuel keeps saying it’s not a budget priority.”
“huh,” she said. “guess the grass is always greener and all that. but on some level, it’s nice to remember that even with all these big box stores, the country still has some variety left in it.”
“yeah, did you know that in rhode island they call water fountains ‘bubblers’?” i said.
I was thinking about the Grim Reaper recently. They’re not tied to any particular religion, they just personify death and collect the soul and take them…where? What if they’re like afterlife HR?
“So hey! You’re right on time! Okay, your chart says ‘Hellenic.’ Got your coin for the ferryman? No?! Alright, here’s the deal: sign here, River Styx is down the next hall on the left, but you can’t cross for another hundred years. Hey, I don’t make the rules! What do you think a last will and testament’s for, Felix?!”
“Gina! Almost had you there in ‘93 with that heart attack, eh? Eh? Anyway, Catholic, right? Hang a left, St. Peter’s waiting behind the gates, he’ll give you your assignment.”
“Hey boss, this one didn’t believe in afterlife or having a soul– I’m headed to my next appointment.”
“Sanjay! Nice long life you had there, buddy. So you remember where the Great Revolving Door of Reincarnation is– oh wait! You qualify for nirvana! Look at you!”
“So Sam, you’re…agnostic. Come to my office, we’ll discuss your options.”
I really love this take on the Grim Reaper, actually. It takes everybody into account. Kinda reminds me of the afterlife several mediums have described.
i’m doing all this research on when “like” is used as a filler vs. “um” or “uh” or whatever & i’m really loving this
basically my fav pattern so far is how these teen girls use “like” pretty exclusively when they’re sharing these concepts that are unknown to them or just guess work, ya know?
they’ll say “here’s the, um, living room” but then they’ll say “in this picture my brother is, like, howling or something”
& i love it i mean i love the way they use “like” to express uncertainty and idk pensiveness? “um” expresses a break in a sentence, some disfluency. but “like” holds actual semantic meaning and is an indicator that expresses what follows isn’t gonna be totally accurate but just to the speaker’s best estimation.
i mean, he’s, like, howling or something, right?
girl talk is cool talk
I actually just wrote a 45 page thesis on this so here’s some more info on that if you wanna know more.
1. Like used in this way can be considered either a discourse particle or an approximative adverb. A discourse particle is a focusing agent which shows that hte information directlyt foloowing it is the main point of the utterance. It’s a language-efficiency tool and makes it more direct. IT is also used in moments of high excitement for this reason–you want people to know the point and you want it to hit them in the fucking face. An approximative adverb like is used to show that the information it’s modifying is imprecise and therefore, approximate.
2. This isn’t girl talk! Like’s usage is barely different among genders of the same age group, but is heavily stratified by age. THe reason it’s commonly thought of as “girl talk” is because it illustrates uncertainty and impreciseness–this is an example of sexism in language, because it intones that women don’t actually know what they’re talking about (FUCK THAT). It was once true that like was used primarily by women, but with shifting power paradigms, its usage is becoming more equal by gender.
3. You mentioned before that you uncovered this information concerning like while researching its relation to uh or um: this usage of like is known as a hesitation marker and has no semantic content, and is therefore unrelated to the type of like you’re describing. Hesitation marker like is often thought of as all the unconventional uses of like which is why people think that it’s a garbage filler word (though I don’t think there’s any such thing as a garbage word tbh), but it has so many unique uses which aren’t represented in English in other forms.
4. FUNFACT: A related use of like is as a quotative complementizer. I won’t delve into the syntax portion of what a complementizer is, but the quotative part obviously refers to quoted information. Here, like can be used to show either that the quoted information is estimated to the best of the speaker’s ability or that there is a storytelling aspect, typically with exaggeration or acting. YOU CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE AND YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW IT. When the quoted information preserves the tenses in the original utterance, it is intended to be a direct quote. When the verb tenses are adapted to the present conversation, it is the second category, and is either an exaggerated quote or the speaker is just trying to convey the gist of the original utterance.
5. Language fucking rules.
I love you, Marie. I was even going to text you after work about this…I wanted to know your sources!
“And on a personal level, my daughter is six years old now. She just lost her two front teeth, just like Scott Lang’s daughter Cassie in Ant-Man, and is beginning to learn what Daddy does and about the different types of heroes. She has red hair and is constantly pointing at Black Widow and wanting to learn more about that.”—Kevin Feige, man in charge of Marvel Studios, which has not yet announced a Black Widow movie (via fuckyeahblackwidow)
idk because im not physically or mentally attracted to him and ‘but he likes you’ or ‘but hes really nice’ isnt going to change the fact that im not interested
Damn, I don’t think women know how much that really hurts
Okay, so I was watching Mad Max…. and during this scene I noticed something…
Let’s take a closer look…
Now, pardon my bad gif making skills but…
IS THAT FURIOSA RESTING ON MAX’S SHOULDER!?
you’re right, that’s her
So not only are they sitting on the roof & holding hands while the car drives onto the lift, they’ve been resting against each other the entire way there!?
I didn’t know they were holding hands on the roof! I wonder if the car ride is missed out in the same way that Max killing the Bullet Farmer is missed out. Like Furiosa is out for the count pretty much so would it be too focused on Max? In the same way the other scene in other action films would have been included?
There would have been so much bonding through unspoken words and eye contact and touching tho omg I want to know what happened during this drive!!
Oh yeah they were. It’s like 95% to provide physical support for her but…that other 5%…
(And I kind of feel like after the moment of intimacy and vulnerability “My name is Max” ends on, both of them need and deserve a long drive with her napping on his shoulder. The more I think about it the more it feels right.)
I just want high-res screencaps of every millisecond of this last scene.
I’m still not over this. THEY’RE SO CUDDLY AT THE END
Furiosa is completely exhausted and all of Max’s barriers are down after the blood-giving scene. Like 95% it’s about literal physical support, but 5% is “oh god after everything we went through I’m so glad you’re alive let’s touch”
It would be really nice to go into Claire Dearings tag and not find endless diatribes about her f**king heels. Bryce fought to keep Claire’s heels because she knows that some women wear heels and make-up like war paint. They put on those heels and it flicks a switch, they feel beautiful and confident and ready to take on the patriarchy and there’s not a damn thing wrong with that.
Her being a carbon copy of Ellie Satler would do neither character any justice. There’s isn’t just one way to be a competent and strong woman. We need a diverse array of strong women in media characters like Furiosa, Sarah Conner, Melinda May are great but they represent one facet of female strength.
The most sexist thing going on in the jw fandom right now is mainly guys going “ha ha look at that silly female character running in heels, so unrealistic” put Serena Williams in heels she’s still gonna whoop you and your fragile masculinity at tennis.
It seems to be any woman who doesn’t fit your “cool girl” image of a guy with tits is going to get torn apart. Let me tell you there are women out there who can dance in heels, run in heels, do f**king backflips in heels.
So take your sexist diatribes dressed up as feminism and shove it because Claire Dearing is a queen.
I want to write a fic where Lilo goes to college and her roommate is Boo from Monsters Inc. Boo is the first person to think Stitch is adorable and cuddly, and Lilo is the first person not to act like “Mike Wazowski” was a weird name for a goldfish. They get on like a house on fire which is kind of bad for Nani’s blood pressure.
But then one night they wake up in the middle of the night because something is in their closet. And the door starts to creak open so Stitch tackles whoever (whatever) is in there. They fall back into the closet, the door slams shut… and when Lilo runs over and opens it there’s nothing but an empty closet.
Then Boo tells Lilo all about this weird thing that happened to her when she was a kid, and how no one ever believed her but she knows it was real.
And cue Lilo and Boo busting into the Monster world to rescue Stitch and wreaking mad havoc in the process.
SEE THIS IS A WORTHY SEQUEL
This needs to happen
Petition for the movie to be hand-drawn in Lilo and Stitch’s style when they’re in the human world, and computer animated once they go through the door into the monster world.
They find a book written in Latin… one guy doesn’t take Latin and doesn’t want to mess up the pronunciation. The girl is studying Mandarin. Another guy recommends sticking it into Google Translate but that’s likely to land them with gibberish. They leave it alone.
The car won’t start. They call an Uber.
The vampire captures the girl and insists that she wears the gown to dinner. The gown is actually hella cute. Only problem is it’s not in her size. Oh, it only comes in 2’s and 4’s? Sorry, vamp, you want me in that dress you contact the goddamn company and tell them to get their shit together.
“How did you possibly know that? It saved our lives!” “I’ve got two degrees and I spend way too much time on Wikipedia.”
They encounter a spirit that gains power the more people believe in it. One girl makes a vine and uploads with, “fakest ghost ever!!! Right??” Twenty minutes later the spirit is destroyed.
The circus is in town tonight. Except she’s lived her whole life here and the circus has never come before… it’s also in a pretty sketchy part of town, not somewhere you’d want to walk alone at night. She goes to a movie instead.
“You’d need an ARMY to fight this evil!” “Okay. I’ve got 20,000 followers, lets see how many can make it.”
The Evil Whispery Voice of Doom tells the jock that it’s going to kill his pretty blonde girlfriend. The jock gets offended because, excuse me, Cindy and I are just friends. However, Marty over there is my boyfriend and I’m not saying you should kill him, just stop making assumptions yeah?
“This spirit tried to convince me it was Jerry when it texted but its texting style is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT so yeah that didn’t work.”
We could have easily gotten lost and ended up at some creepy cabin in the woods, but luckily we all had functioning GPSs. Beach party, we’ve arrived!
“We have to find a way to destroy it! We—what are you doing?” “Looking up ‘exorcising demons’ on Google. Oh look, first hit.”
The child she bares will be the devil’s spawn. Good thing she doesn’t want kids. Or if she changes her mind she can always adopt.
“How can we possibly outwit this serial killer…” “… There’s gotta be an app for that. Lemme look.”
Only the virgin will survive… Turns out they’re all virgins. One is asexual. One wants to wait until marriage. Two just haven’t found the right person yet. One is meh about sex. So we all survive, yeah?
The girl does not fall. She was on varsity track.
“Quick! We need someplace to hide the artifact. And then decoys to confuse the beast! What have we got?” “… I’ve got a hundred plastic bags stuffed into another plastic bag.” “PERFECT.”
So, earlier this summer, I worked at a theme park out of the country as part of an internship. It was a really good experience and, for the most part, I had fun. There were a few things I disliked about the job–pushy management, overzealous crowds, etc.–but that’s with every job.
Anyway, this place was was really hot and humid, and guests would get tired of walking and being out in the sun. The park was kind’ve like Animal Kingdom at Disney World in that we had animals and rides.
Okay, I’m getting off track. Well, shortly after I arrived, I went from working as a feeder (things happened and that was nooot the job for me. Long story short, I almost lost my arm. Yeah.) to a ride attendant. All I did was let people through and tell them to have a good time & be safe.
Well, one day, I’m letting people through when I get a phone call. I had just let two kids through when the phone rang. I was told there was an emergency, and I had to stop letting people on the ride and direct all guests to the front entrance.
I hang up and look at the crowd. Great. Long ass line. I told them the ride was cancelled and they got PISSED. I tried explaining that I just worked there and didn’t make the rules…nope. Not working.
Anyway, long story short, a lot of people got eaten by dinosaurs, and I don’t recommend working at Jurassic World
(I literally read this entire thing thinking omg does this person work at fucking Jurassic World. 😂😂😂😂 nice one.)
ok but dead poets society remake with an all female cast
dead poets society remake where halfway through the term the girls realise it’s bullshit that their curriculum has them focusing on dead white male poets, and the teacher secretly starts bringing Angelou and Plath and Jordan to their meetings and bucking the required curriculum, and that’s why she gets fired, because she dared to care about something other than men, and her students are so grateful for what she’s just given up to teach them about liberation that they stand on their desks and declaim Erica Jong’s “For All Those Who Died” and she leaves knowing she’s educated a generation of women who will effect positive change in the world
you know this feeling when you watch any harry potter movie and hedwig’s theme begins to play or you read any of the books and you read the first sentence and you just get this harry potter feeling like you’re finally coming home and everything around you just melts away and you get lost in the most comforting way
Don’t ever let anyone convince you that getting your eyebrows done, is strictly feminine, i complimented a 6'4 200 lb football player on his eyebrows before and he replied with “ thanks i just got them done i love how my skin looks really clear afterwards” and we had a discussion on the a importance of eyebrows and some fuckboy sitting by me responded with “ wtf steven you get your eyebrows done? That’s so gay!” And he respond with “ yeah i do , do you have a problem with that?!!” (Note he is a jock who is the tallest boy in my junior class and intimadates most teacher’s with his height ) and right away the fuckboy shut up , and after hearing us talk about eyebrows a couple other boys opened up, and joined in our conversation about how confident they feel after they get their eyebrows done ….. conclusion: fuck gender roles you go boys, you can still be as masculine as you want to be , AND have your brows fleeking and fuck anyone who tells you otherwise!!!
I wish more foods were named in the same vein as “I Can’t Believe Its Not Butter!”
You’ve Got To Be Pulling My Leg, THIS Is Ranch?!
Shut The Fuck Up, Are You Telling Me This Shit Is Ketchup??
I Firmly Believe This Is Not Mustard And I Am Horribly Wrong
I Refused To Believe That This Condiment Was Barbecue Sauce, And I Have Been Summarily Flayed For My Apostasy
I Assigned Negligible Probability To This Being Chili Sauce And Have Since Updated
In Which Your Humble Narrator Assumed That The Substance Within This Container Was Not Worchestershire Sauce Only To Be Rudely Awakened From This Delusion By Mysterious Circumstances
I Declared That This Couldn’t Possibly Be Soy Sauce, And I Was Wrong. I Regret The Error.
if you ever try to befriend me and you expect to be in frequent contact with me i am so sorry. i do that with maybe two people and even then i often go days or weeks without saying anything before talking daily for a while.
the point is if we dont talk that doesnt mean i dont like u and think about u a lot im just terrible at maintaining close relationships
when did tumblr collectively decide not to use punctuation like when did this happen why is this a thing
it just looks so smooth I mean look at this sentence flow like a jungle river
ACTUALLY
This is really exciting, linguistically speaking.
Because it’s not true that Tumblr never uses punctuation. But it is true that lack of punctuation has become, itself, a form of punctuation. On Tumblr the lack of punctuation in multisentence-long posts creates the function of rhetorical speech, or speech that is not intended to have an answer, usually in the form of a question. Consider the following two potential posts. Each individual line should be taken as a post:
ugh is there any particular reason people at work have to take these massive handfuls of sauce packets they know they’re not going to use like god put that back we have to pay for that stuff
Ugh. Is there any particular reason people at work have to take these massive handfuls of sauce packets they know they’re not going to use? Like god, put that back. We have to pay for that stuff.
In your head, those two potential posts sound totally different. In the first one I’m ranting about work, and this requires no answer. The second may actually engage you to give an answer about hoarding sauce packets. And if you answer the first post, you will likely do so in the same style.
Here’s what makes this exciting: the English language has no actual punctuation for rhetorical speech–that is, there are no special marks that specifically indicate “this speech is in the abstract, and requires no answer.” Not only that, it never has. The first written record of English (actually proto-English, predating even Old English) dates to the 400s CE, so we’re talking about 1600 years of having absolutely no marker whatsoever for rhetorical speech.
A group of teens and young adults on a blogging website literally reshaped a deficit a millennium and a half old in our language to fit their language needs. More! This group has agreed on a more or less universal standard for these new rules, which fits the definition of “language.” Which is to say Tumblr English is its own actual, real, separate dialect of the English language, and because it is spoken by people worldwide who have introduced concepts from their own languages into it, it may qualify as a written form of pidgin.
Tumblr English should literally be treated as its own language, because it does not follow the rules of any form of formal written English, and yet it does have its own consistent internal rules. If you don’t think that’s cool as fuck then I don’t even know what to tell you.
Tumblr English isn’t quite different enough to be its own language [yet? maybe give it a hundred years], but it’s absolutely a dialect. What’s interesting, though, is that it’s a written dialect. Along with all the various specialised and slang terms and usages, Tumblr English has its own grammatical and stylistic quirks that only show up in how punctuation and capitalisation is used.
Up until very recently, nearly all written English was assumed to be either formal English or a record of colloquial spoken English, and it’s only with the advent of the internet that written English is developing separately from spoken English as its own form of the language.
Sure, people communicated casually via written English before the internet, but not to the same extent. I have friends with whom I use written English exclusively, and so instead of written language being a stand-in for or transcription of the speech we’d normally use, it is the speech we normally use. I think this says something really interesting about languageb – language isn’t necessarily as dependant on sound as a lot of people might assume (I’m sure there’re some really interesting parallels to be made between internet written English and various sign languages, but I don’t speak any sign languages so I’m not in a position to really see them).
HEY KIDS. So, I’m a makeup artist, but I’m also a feminist and a vegetarian and an animal lover, so sometimes it’s hard to find beauty products that don’t make me cry inside. Well GUESS THE FUCK WHAT. There’s an incredible cosmetic company called Colourpop that is just like, the most beautiful shit in the world.
They sell the most AMAZING creamy mousse (WATERPROOF!!) eyeshadows that will set as a super beautiful glittery sparkly magical shadow, but will also blend out like a regular powder shadow. (They have matte shades too but their glittery and metallic shades are THE SHIT) They also have INCREDIBLE lipsticks, lipliners, highlighters, bronzers, blushes, and liquid lipsticks. They’re all cruelty-free, made in the USA, and most of them are vegan. (There’s a list of the non-vegan products in their FAQ.) And wait for this, because it’s almost too good to be true:
NOTHING THEY SELL COSTS MORE THAN 10 DOLLARS.
TEN. DOLLARS.
Their lipsticks, lipliners, and eyeshadows are all only 5 DOLLARS EACH. It’s honestly the most radical shit. And then to top all of this unbelievable beauty off, they show all their swatches and ads with REAL WOMEN OF COLOR, so you can see what their products will look like on people who aren’t just pale white women.
I honestly can’t recommend this brand enough. They’re so incredible and when I got my package, I even got a little handwritten note. Everything is reeeeally high quality. Their products are all as good as the $60 shit you find at sephora, only it’s cheap, cruelty-free, and made in the USA. What more could you want, honestly?
What men don’t understand is that women are FIERCELY PROTECTIVE of underage girls because we remember when we were young and some adult man made us uncomfortable or manipulated us or was inappropriate with us and we were powerless.
That other post seems to be for people with money. But you don’t have money. So what do you actually need for your first apartment?
A bed. Not an air mattress. Not a blanket fort. Not a mattress pad with a fitted sheet over it. An actual bed. You’re going to try to avoid it, especially if you live in a city where bed bugs mean not buying a mattress from Craigslist. Beds cost money (unless you can take the one from your childhood bedroom, in which case, do that and use the couch when you visit home). But fuck it, you need one. If you’re desperate, you might go with a futon, but the futon you can afford will break with the quickness. You might also go with a mattress on the floor, which seems like a good idea until it suddenly seems really dirty, which is because mattresses need air flow to stay dry and sanitary. If you don’t have a box spring and don’t want to drop the $40 on a cheap bed frame, you can use these guys to build a platform, and if you find plastic drawers the same height, you can even build some storage in there.
A dresser. You will try to find a way around this. It will end up with your floor covered in clothes within a week. Just find a dresser on Craigslist or go to your local auction (a great place to find cheap furniture in general). And don’t buy a cheap dresser to build yourself from K-Mart or Wal-Mart, because it will break and it will likely be more expensive than a Craigslist/auction dresser anyway.
A TV. It doesn’t have to be new or huge or advanced. But you want a TV. Don’t try to skip the TV for something more trivial. You’ll regret that quick.
A couch. Specifically, an old, comfortable couch. One you don’t mind falling asleep on or letting guests sleep on. Don’t spend a lot of money. Couches will find you. Don’t overthink it. It’s your first apartment. Nobody expects you to have a perfectly curated adult home. Just get a comfy fucking couch. And if you get two, you can use cinder blocks to make stadium seating in your living room!
A table. You will ruin it, so get a shitty one. Learn your lessons on something cheap and disposable.
A full(ish) kitchen set. If these things don’t appear from your parents or your roommates’ parents, you need to buy a pot and pan set, silverware, a silverware organizer, at least one sharp knife (and let’s be honest, you’re gonna want a knife block and they’re only like $11), at least one mixing bowl, a colander, a cutting board, a couple of storage containers, plates, bowls, glasses, and mugs. You’ll figure out what else you need as you need it, based on your own kitchen habits. A lot of this can be picked up at the dollar store if you have one near you. And if you don’t bake often, disposable baking pans are your friend.
Hand soap, dish soap, wash-your-ass soap. Nobody likes poor hygiene. You also need toothpaste and floss. And deodorant.
Flashlight and candles (nothing fancy). In case something goes wrong.
A plunger. In case something goes really wrong.
A toilet brush. Your momma probably never let the toilet form rings (or let you let that happen), so it might come as a shock how quickly and easily those shits form.
A shower curtain and liner. Or even just the liner. Don’t get the floor wet.
Sponges. You have no idea how many sponges you’ll need.
The rest, you’ll stack over time, but these are the things you need.
Thrift shops and charity shops may have silverware and pots and pans for cheap, as well as furniture, sheets, etc.
When buying used furniture: look in the cracks and under the edges for pin-sized brown/black spots. Bedbugs are tiny and they live in upholstery and any wood with enough crevices to allow it. You almost certainly won’t be able to see the bugs themselves, but they leave little spotted trails along seams and in places that don’t see a lot of light. You cannot get them out of furniture; it’s not worth the extreme measures it takes to do it.
Also, don’t forget laundry detergent and a rubbish bin and bin liners. Rubbish, laundry, and dirty dishes are 90% of the mess in a messy home and 99% of bad smells. Keep up with them and your home will always be at least clean-ish.
Oh, and bleach is a good cheap substitute if you can’t afford specific cleaners for your toilet, tub, vinyl counters/floor, etc., but test it on a small spot to make sure what you’re cleaning can handle it, dilute the fuck out of it, and never use it on wood or mixed with dish liquid. Use white vinegar or diluted Pine-sol for mirrors, glass, and sealed wood floors.
For serious, thrift stores and yard sales are the best places to go for lamps and kitchen stuff. My first apartment was full of so-ugly-they’re-awesome goodwill lamps, my sister’s first-apartment silverware, a box of old mugs a lady from church gave my mom and a toaster oven as old as time, no one’s quite sure where it came from.
Pool around from friends, your friends’ parents, jump on yard sales. Like I’ve learned that it’s STILL more worth it to buy wine glasses at yard sales, those fuckers get broken, don’t ever spend more than 50 cents on ‘em.
Also, NETWORK. Tell people you’re moving into your own place and if they know somebody looking to get rid of furniture/kitchen inventory/white goods, to let you know. Sometimes people have relatives who are moving smaller/to retirement communities/passed away - and their house needs to be cleared out. There’s often a lot of practical stuff (fridge, microwave, kitchen ware, furniture) that’s too old to sell and sometimes people are very happy if that stuff can help you out, especially if you can come take a load of it off their hands.
sounds crude but it can be a mutually beneficial thing
i fucking love fanfiction like it literally caters for every need, whether you’re wanting 2k of cute couples snuggling on the sofa, a thing of epic length with an awesome plot or a piece of writing that is literally just pages of your favourite characters banging each other whoever invented fanfiction is my fave
