Abuse is often categorized into different forms. While some are fairly well known, others are rarely discussed outside of anti-violence activism and the like. In addition, many people are unaware of how various kinds of abuse are defined and what actions are considered abusive. Here’s a list to help make things a bit clearer. Please note that some actions are abusive in multiple ways and this list likely won’t be able to describe every abuse behavior. In addition, this list is designed to be as generic as possible so it can be applied to a variety of different situations rather than exclusively focusing on romantic partnerships, parent-child relationships, friendships etc.
Emotional abuse:
Far more than ‘hurting someone’s feelings’, emotional abuse is a devastating form of abuse which can affect an individuals self worth, feelings of safety, and quality of life. It can even lead to mental health issues. While often dismissed as a ‘less serious’ form of abuse, the impact of emotional abuse can be devastating and last for a long time. Behaviors include;
Frequent, excessive and unwelcome criticism (as opposed to constructive criticism which is asked for and given in to help. Some people will claim their emotional abuse is actually meant to be constructive criticism, however, if its not requested and related to a specific thing a person is doing, then chances are, this is a lie)
Put-downs and name-calling (this is also verbal abuse)
Controlling the victim
Invalidating their feelings and experiences
Withholding (this includes ‘the silent treatment’, refusing to listen, and withdrawing emotionally)
Excluding the victim
Telling the victim that their thoughts, feelings, ideas, interests etc are wrong/bad/silly
Physical Abuse
One of the more well known forms of abuse, people often think that physical abuse is limited to romantic partnerships where one person hits, punches or attacks the other. While those behaviors are physically abusive, violence is not limited to contact that causes injury or even physical contact, and it can occur in any relationship. Examples of physical abuse include
Any and all unwanted and non-consensual physical contact
Throwing objects (whether at the victim directly or elsewhere)
Breaking your possessions
Threatening violence
Threatening with a weapon (such as pointing a knife or gun at the victim)
Forcing you to make eye contact with them
Driving wrecklessly/dangerously while the victim or victims children or pets are in the car
Harming the victims pets
Forcing the victim to eat or not letting them eat
Not allowing the victim to sleep
Locking the victim in/out of the house
Denying the victim access to medication
Not allowing the victim to use the toilet or meet other physical needs
Psychological Abuse
Emotional and psychological abuse are often discussed together as emotional abuse since there is a lot of overlap. What affects us emotionally also affects us psychologically. It can still be helpful to distinguish the two sometimes. It’s also sometimes referred to as mental abuse. Behaviors include
Gaslighting; denying the victims experience and making them question their reality or perception, hiding the victims personal items then claiming the victim lost them, denying that something happened when it did, and more
Invalidating the victim
Calling the victim ‘crazy’, ‘insane’ ‘psycho’, often when they confront the abuser about their behavior
Minimize or dismiss the victims achievements
Behaving in ways that cause the victim to feel intimidated or afraid
Using the victims fears against them (e.g forcing you to hold a spider knowing you’re afraid of them)
Behaving in erratic or unpredictable ways to make the victim feel scared of what the abuser might do
Terrorizing the victim
Subtle threats which communicate that the abuser is dangerous or intends to harm the victim e.g cleaning or playing with a weapon in front of them
Using mental health issues the victim has to blame them for the abusers behavior or deny that that certain things happened
Threatening suicide or self harm if the victim leaves or doesn’t do what the abuser wants
Making the victim responsible for the abuser
Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse is a broad term that is often thought of as forced sexual contact, however it also includes sexual behavior without touch. The behaviors below are sometimes related to age, for example, exposing a child to pornography is always sexually abusive whether or not the child wanted or asked to see it, whereas for adults, forcing the victim to watch pornography (whether by physical force or coercion) is sexual abuse. Behaviors include
Forcing the victim to engage in sexual activities (rape)
Engaging in sexual acts in front of the victim
Discussing sexual activities in front of the victim (especially children, by adults)
Exposing the victim to sexually explicit media such as pornography (especially children, by adults)
Threatening to force sexual contact upon the victim
Making inappropriate comments about the victims body, especially private parts
Sharing private information about the victim’s body or sexual relationships without their consent
Coercing the victim into performing sexual acts
Performing sexual acts with the victim while the victim is underage, intoxicated or otherwise unable to consent
Guilting the victim into sex or sexual contact
Pressuring the victim into sexual contact
Threatening the victim with harm unless they perform certain sexual acts or give the abuser sexual access
In the case of BDSM relationships and sexual interactions, ignoring one of the participants safe word
In the case of BDSM relationships and sexual interactions, blaming the victim for not using a safeword in circumstances where it is not applicable and/or possible, e.g. the abuser initiated a BDSM scene without prior discussion or consent, or one party is unable to vocalize
Engaging in sexual contact with someone in any situation where the other party has not given clear, enthusiastic consent
Any situation where an adult engages in sexual contact with a minor
Sharing photos of the victim in their underwear/nude/engaged in sexual contact without their consent, or threatening to do so
Knowingly exposing the victim to STIs
Interfering with the victims birth control or safer sex methods
Deceiving the victim about the circumstances of sexual contact
Social Abuse
Social abuse is a less often discussed form of abuse where the abuser undermines the victims relationships and autonomy. Like other forms, behaviors here are often also applicable to other categories. Behaviors include
Not letting the victim see or speak to their friends and/or family
Making the victim feel guilty for having other relationships (except in monogamous relationships where one person is dating other people/'cheating’)
Going through the victims phone, emails, text messages. etc without their knowledge and/or consent
Spreading rumors about the victim
Telling the victim that their family/friends said things that they didn’t say
Telling the victim that only the abuser really cares about them
Manipulating the victim into confrontations with family/friends (e.g. encouraging them to raise an issue then withdrawing support during/after the confrontation)
Outing the victim if they are LGBT+
Telling other people about mental health issues the victim has
Telling people about abuse the victim has experienced
Telling people that the victim is abusive when it’s not true, or claiming they did certain abusive actions that they didn’t do
Humiliating or embarrassing the victim in front of others
Criticizing or putting the victim down in front of others
Engaging in subtle acts of abuse, manipulation, intimidation etc to show others how 'crazy’ or 'unstable’ the victim is
Interfering in the victims relationships in any way
Taking away the victims phone, computer, internet or other forms of communication
Disallowing the victim to communicate in ways that they want or need to e.g. not allowing autistic children or partners to stim, disallowing deaf or nonverbal children or partners to use sign language
Financial Abuse
Financial abuse is another kind of abuse that’s often not discussed. It generally revolves around interfering with the victims finances. It’s also referred to as economic abuse. Behaviors include
Forcing the victim to give the abuser their paycheck or government assistance payment/s
Telling the victim what they can and cannot buy
Punishing the victim for spending money
If the abuser is the sole income earner, forcing the victim to beg for money
Refusing to provide the victim with things they need
Stealing money from the victim
Forcing the victim to share bank accounts
Not allowing you to see or keep your own financial records
Not allowing you to go to work or gain employment
Jeopardizing your job by making you late, harassing you at work etc
Spending money on themselves but not allowing the victim to do the same
Forcing the victim to pay the abusers bills, car payments, rent, court fines etc
Using their position as sole breadwinner to manipulate or control you
Verbal Abuse
Verbal abuse is often thought of as swearing at the victim. While that is part of it, there are many more behaviors which are also verbally abusive. Behaviors include
Talking over and/or interrupting
Frequent criticism
Using sarcasm to dismiss or belittle the victim
Constantly arguing with the victim
Swearing at the victim
Shouting at/over the victim
Using their voice and/or words to cause fear and/or intimidate the victim
Mocking and/or making fun of the victim, teasing them
name-calling
Spiritual Abuse
Spiritual abuse is another form of abuse that’s often left out of discussions but is still very important. While it’s generally thought of in a religious context, it can also be used against those who are not part of organized religions or do not have spiritual beliefs. In essence, it undermines a person’s spiritual beliefs, or lack thereof. Behaviors include
Not allowing the victim to attend religious services, gatherings or meetings
Telling the victim that their beliefs are wrong, bad or silly
Telling the victim that they’re 'going to hell’ or are 'damned’
Forcing or coercing the victim into changing their religious or spiritual beliefs, or lack thereof
A person in a position of authority within a religious or spiritual organization demanding unquestioned loyalty or making unreasonable demands
A person in a position of authority excluding certain individuals, often on the basis of sexual/romantic orientation or transgender status but can also be due to ethnicity, gender, class, disability etc
Shaming individuals for not paying tithing or giving money to a church/religious/spiritual organization/group
Hopefully I have covered most kinds of abuse here, however I will certainly add to this if I’ve missed anything. I know it’s a long post, but if you would be able to share this to raise awareness, I would really appreciate it. Many people are aware that abuse happens but far less people know how abuse is defined. This is not a complete list but I hope that it can serve as a guide to those wondering if what they are experiencing is in fact abuse.
when i was five, and romance didn’t exist for boys, it did exist for me. “she’s going to break hearts one day,” people said, speaking about me over my head. i smiled, because that is something little girls are supposed to be pleased to hear.
when i was six i was supposed to kiss my best friend because he was a boy, and when i wouldn’t, he pushed me down hard enough that my palms bled. he said if i told a teacher, he’d tell everyone i kissed him and i was bad at it. i washed off in the school’s bathroom sink and cried about it all through recess.
at eight, i stopped wearing dresses because i couldn’t turn cartwheels in them. “a tomboy,” somebody said about me, over my head, as if i couldn’t hear them. i said, “i don’t want to be a boy,” and they laughed. “we know, sweetness.” i said, “i’m not sweet, i’m serious,” and they laughed again. “you’re cute,” they said. i smiled at that, because that’s something little girls are supposed to be pleased to hear.
at nine, i had too many friends that were boys. “i don’t like it,” my father said, standing in the kitchen. i didn’t understand it. “your body is going to start changing soon, and i don’t want those boys looking at you. i don’t like it,” he’d repeat. we moved away that summer. i lost everybody.
when i was eleven, my teacher took me out of the classroom and asked me to put on another layer because even though it was hot in there, all of the boys were staring at the little forming bumps on my chest. i remember embarrassment spiking down my spine like lightning. i begged my mother to take me bra shopping. it was terrible there, in those bright stores with bright lights and beautiful women with tight thighs. it was terrible and embarrassing to touch or look at or even think about these things.
at thirteen, my best guy friend wrestled me to the ground and covered me in kisses no matter how much i asked him to stop it. “it’s supposed to be like this,” he kept repeating, “just stop struggling.” he told me i was pretty and lovely and that boys and girls can’t be friends. he told me to stop being so mad at him, that little girls are supposed to be pleased about these things.
the same winter, i was catcalled for the first time in my whole life. i jumped when the car pulled up by my side. they said “baby” over my head as if i wasn’t who they were discussing. i didn’t smile about it. i had to sit down to stop myself from vomiting.
when i was fifteen, half of my friends were boys. my best friend was in love with me. he told me i was breaking his heart. he said that if i didn’t love him back, he’d have nothing to live for anymore. the story with the rest of them is all the same. either they left me or they thought they fell in love with the idea of somebody i wasn’t.
that summer when i was sad - and i was sad categorically, always - i tried reaching out. when i turned to the boys, all i heard was, “don’t cut, you’re beautiful,” “don’t kill yourself, you’re so pretty,” “think of the scars, sweetie,” “when you cut yourself, i’m the one who starts bleeding.” i didn’t smile, although i think girls are supposed to be pleased to hear these things. i didn’t know how to say: i don’t feel beautiful, and even if i did, what i’m doing to myself has nothing to do with you, or what i look like, or how fuckable i am to you. instead i told them i was fine, and fixed, and nothing bad was happening.
when he broke my heart, it was because i told him no. when he left, i cried because it hurt to watch my best friend go. when he left, he said that he’d never liked me for my soul: only for my curves, the only real way to measure worth in a girl.
at sixteen, i had only girl friends. they were gentle, and different, and walked me through things. they held my hand when classes got too loud for me, and it meant friendship. they kissed me on the cheeks when i was crying, and it meant friendship. they slept next to me and it was friendship in the way i wasn’t used to. i was used to “stop being a tease,” to “why are you doing this to me.” it was just friendship, and it was excellent.
i was called a dyke, a lesbian, a man-hater. i thought of the men who had hurt me, who had spoken over my head, who had given me their full opinion even though i never asked for it. i was hated by basically everyone. i was sad and lonely so often that i often thought i’d never feel happy again.
at nineteen, in college, i had friends who were boys again, because college boys are supposed to be old enough to see you as a person. they all called me Steve, short for Steven. at first i thought it was some kind of inside joke, that it was cute, that it meant they loved me the way i loved them all. one day while we were both drunk, i asked one of them why they wouldn’t just say my name. he laughed. he said, “god, you’re going to hate me when i explain.” he said that they’d all formed an agreement behind my back that none of them would fuck me, that if i was going to be one of the bros, i couldn’t be a girl to them. i could only be seen as a boy if i wanted to be their friend. he said this all while staring at a point over my head, and tried to kiss me at the end. when i pushed him away, he said, “sorry, steve,” took a breath, “but if i start seeing you as a girl, i’m gonna try to kiss you again.”
i said, “i don’t want to be a boy, though,” and he laughed again.
he said, “i know, sweetie.”
at twenty-two, i am sick of boys who are “nice,” who are “not like other boys,” who are offended when i don’t immediately trust their intentions. i have been hurt over and over and over again. i only talk to about three of my boy friends and the rest i lost because i dared not to fuck them.
at the same time, i kept most of my girl friends. i have had crushes on most of them. it never impacted our relationships. even girls who are gay like i am know that being friends doesn’t mean i owe them. they hold my eyes when i talk to them.
i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’m sorry. i love so many people, and many boys are wonderful and charming and excellent. i’m sorry i flinch away from a friendship. i’m sorry i will be cold and unaffectionate and scared of getting too close
it’s just that, since i was five, i was told i break hearts.
”—girls don’t owe you shit, dude: a polite reply to a post which inadvertently blames girls for distrusting the affections of a guy friend // r.i.d
blacklist scripts like blacklist on xkit and tumblr savior look for the word only in the first word when its a tag !!! please tag your triggers the right way and help your friends !!!!!!
I just found an amazing scholarship and college research website.
It is called raise.me and it basically gives you mini scholarships for doing things like getting an A in a course, doing community service, or just taking an AP class in general.
For example, you can receive up to $6,000 for a school because you completed over 200 hours of community service.
$30 per hour you work. Guys, that is nearly triple minimum wage.
Also, a few other schools offer mini scholarships for students who get B’s in a class or are taking a foreign language for more than 2 years.
This is the scholarship website we’ve been looking for.
Now you don’t have to spend dozens of nights writing scholarship essays when you can make money throughout your school career.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE spread the word of this website. It is very helpful and will provide many people with the opportunities to graduate college!
‘you’re a celebrity incognito trying to hide from paparazzi and you’re sitting right next to me and i’m the only one that recognizes you’ au
‘someone starts a rumor that we’re dating so let’s turn the tables’ au
‘you made an obscure literary reference and i’m the only on that got it’ au
‘we were both late to class and walked into each other in the hall and oh god do you have a concussion? i’m so sorry’ au
‘oh my god you’re my ex’s other ex’ au
‘we’re both actors and keep showing up for the same auditions’ au
‘i keep overhearing you make fun of me so i finally try to stand up for myself and it actually had nothing to do with me at all i’m sorry i never meant for this to happen’ au
we’re both teachers and all our students ship us’ au
‘i kissed the wrong person on news years’ au
‘i’m yelling to my friend about how attractive this celebrity is and then plot twist you’re the celebrity and in front of me wtf’ au
‘the only two people in the movie theater’ au
‘we showed up at a party wearing the same exact outfit. this is awkward.’ au
These are what the ages of four supreme court justices will be in 2016, which means the next president very well could choose the next four supreme court justices when those four retire within the next eight years.
Why does this matter? Because the supreme court control all our laws, and we need supreme court justices that will be on the right side of the history.
Who picks the supreme court justices? The president.
This is the president who we need to choose the next four supreme court justices.
This is the president who owes no one, but the people who voted for him.
This is the president who hasn’t swayed from their beliefs for over 40 years.
This is the president who has always been on the right side of the history against all odds.
This is the president we need.
PLS READ.
Finally
it’s also worth mentioning that those four justices are Scalia (80), Kennedy (80), Ginsberg (83) & Breyer (78) - Scalia & Kennedy are both Reagan appointed justices who’ve been the main momentum behind most of the regressive decisions by the supreme court. Breyer is part of the liberal wing & Ginsberg is our Lord & Savior
so the point being is that the next president will have the opportunity to fundamentally shift the balance of power for the american judicial system.
if bernie is that president we could be looking forward to a liberal political climate for another 20-30 years.
Imagine the power and growth of individual rights and equality of 20-30 years of liberal politics.
This is why we need Bernie Sanders to be the one to choose.
WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THE HEAD NUBS ON A GIRAFFE?
THE ANCESTORS OF GIRAFFES LIKELY HAD ANTLERS FOR COMBAT PURPOSES, LIKE DEERS AND MOOSES. AS THEY GOT COMICALLY TALL, THE WEIGHT OF ANTLERS GOT TOO HEAVY FOR THEIR HILARIOUS NECKS, AND ANTLER FIGHTING BECAME OBSOLETE AND RIDICULOUS, SO THEY EVOLVED PAST ANTLERS. THE NUBS, OR “OSSICONES,” ARE VESTIGIAL STRUCTURES IN THE GIRAFFE’S SKULL. THEY’RE LEFTOVER SUPPORT STRUCTURES FOR THE ANTLERS GIRAFFES USED TO HAVE BEFORE THEY BECAME THE BIOLOGICAL JOKE WE KNOW AND LOVE TODAY.
“College kids are the absolute last people you want to mug. They’re in peak physical condition, they have no money, and most of them have such a twisted view on the value of life they would rather you shoot them than give you the $4.37 in change at the bottom of their book bag.”—ztejas (via bl-ossomed)
please consider the fact that steven grant rogers a.k.a captain america probably got the bulk of his sex education from a pack of chorus girls
and like obviously you could jump to the conclusion that he had a bunch of educational sex romps with a harem of hot young ladies but if you have ever hung out with a pack of women for any significant length of time you will probably have observed them discuss every single facet of every single sexual encounter with every single romantic partner with one another, while cackling.
steven grant rogers a.k.a captain america sitting at the very end of the makeup trailer, meekly brushing a chorus girl’s hair, as six other girls share a bottle of gin and compare the median dick length of hook-ups in the west coast vs the east and how that might correlate with willingness to give head and a seventh girl keeps making lesbian jokes
steven grant rogers a.k.a captain america realizing all of bucky’s romantic ‘conquests’ probably went straight back to their friends and reported on his performance and suddenly being really glad he’s a virgin
steven grant rogers a.k.a captain america on one of his sadness errands goes to visit the last chorus girl in her nursing home and she’s like ninety and hooked up to a wheely oxygen tank and knitting some baby booties for her great-grandkid and she asks him right there in front of all the cameras, ‘you found a nice young man to pop that cherry of yours yet, rogers?’ and he goes ‘i’m waiting till you die, ethel, the last thing i need is another lecture on the clap’
the morning after sam and steve do it, steve resignedly answers his cellphone to the dulcet tones of a cackling ninety year old woman with a lecture for him on the clap.
okay not shanghai and derail your shippy post but i need to shanghai and derail your shippy post for a minute bc i’m so in love with the original concept here of steve rogers spending a fair amount of time being surrounded by thirty gossiping women and he hears all about the times their asses have been pinched, and the cat calls they’ve gotten on the streets, and that one creep in the bar that just wouldn’t leave the one of them alone and so steve rogers learns the difference between a woman flirting and a woman politely saying no and this is how he learns to respectfully take rejection
and steve rogers listening to 30 women talk about menstruation like it’s the weather and he finds himself learning about the symptoms and exactly how bad they can be and steve rogers starts getting hot water bottles for the women who are cramping so bad they’re having trouble getting out of the chair and he does it without being asked or told he just knows now
and steve rogers learning about the intricacies involved in the world of the female experience and learns that women are people in way there’s no going back from and so he no longer has the capacity to see them as things like sex objects or super spies and that’s why nat can let her guard down around him and be a bestie because for once someone sees her as a fucking person
Hey there! It’s been one week, almost to the hour, since I found out my chair was stolen. In that time, the Internet has been pouring support on me. The YouCaring fundraiser has hit $4,087 dollars, over a thousand dollars past the original goal. I’ve got over three hundred messages of support sitting in my inbox from all over the world.
And on Friday, I was measured for a new chair.
This has all been amazing, and I’m incredibly grateful for the kind of charity and love I’ve experienced. I am incredibly fortunate to have received it.
Let’s see if we can make it happen again.
Mackenzie McCullough is a teenager from Washington, and she’s got a huge list of diagnoses, the only one of which I can even spell is Ehler-Danlos Syndrome. The current chair she has is an absolute clunker, and she can’t make it move at all, rendering her immobile. She needs a new one, badly, but insurance can’t help.
Maybe we can. A family friend of hers reached out to me with the link to her GoFundMe, asking if I could help. I figure that this is maybe what part of this blog can become- a place to help direct all the goodwill I’ve received towards other people who need it.
Please, if you can help, do so, and if not, signal boost. Let’s give a kid back her life. #wheelsformackenzie
Do you think seventh years at Hogwarts have a muck-up day? On the last day of school, half the students have swapped uniforms, timetables and common room passwords with friends from other houses and are steadfastly insisting to the teachers that “of course I’m in Slytherin, what do you mean I’m a Ravenclaw, you insult me”. Meanwhile, someone’s enchanted suits of armour to act as bodyguards for random first years, who can’t even enter a classroom without a vaguely panicked pile of metal clattering along behind them and leaping on potential attackers. Sir Cadogan has been convinced to battle the Fat Lady for possession of the Gryffindor common room (the Fat Lady is a surprisingly vicious fighter) and nobody can get through the portrait hole. In the spontaneous sleepover that ensues in the Great Hall, a group of over-emotional seventh years huddle together, clutching Butterbeers they’ve smuggled in from Hogsmeade as they sing “Hogwarts Hogwarts Hoggy Warty Hogwarts” one last time.
When you are hurting, there will always be people who find a way to make it about themselves. If you break your wrist, they’ll complain about a sprained ankle. If you are sad, they’re sadder. If you’re asking for help, they’ll demand more attention.
Here is a fact: I was in a hospital and sobbing into my palms when a woman approached me and asked why I was making so much noise and I managed to stutter that my best friend shot himself in the head and now he was 100% certified dead and she made this little grunt and had the nerve to tell me, “Well now you made me sad.”
When you get angry, there are going to be people who ask you to shut up and sit down, and they’re not going to do it nicely. Theirs are the faces that turn bright red before you have a chance to finish your sentence. They won’t ask you to explain yourself. They’ll be mad that you’re mad and that will be their whole reason alone.
Here is a fact: I was in an alleyway a few weeks ago, stroking my friend’s back as she vomited fourteen tequila shots. “I hate men,” she wheezed as her sides heaved, “I hate all of them.”
I braided her hair so it wouldn’t get caught in the mess. I didn’t correct her and reply that she does in fact love her father and her little brother too, that there are strangers she has yet to meet that will be better for her than any of her shitty ex-boyfriends, that half of our group of friends identifies as male - I could hear each of her bruises in those words and I didn’t ask her to soften the blow when she was trying to buff them out of her skin. She doesn’t hate all men. She never did.
She had the misfortune to be overheard by a drunk guy in an ill-fitting suit, a boy trying to look like a man and leering down my dress as he stormed towards us. “Fuck you, lady,” he said, “Fuck you. Not all men are evil, you know.”
“Thanks,” I told him dryly, pulling on her hand, trying to get her inside again, “See you.”
He followed us. Wouldn’t stop shouting. How dare she get mad. How dare she was hurting. “It’s hard for me too!” he yowled after us. “With fuckers like you, how’s a guy supposed to live?”
Here’s a fact: my father is Cuban and my genes repeat his. Once one of my teachers looked at my heritage and said, “Your skin doesn’t look dirty enough to be a Mexican.”
When my cheeks grew pink and my tongue dried up, someone else in the classroom stood up. “You can’t say that,” he said, “That’s fucking racist. We could report you for that.”
Our teacher turned vicious. “You wanna fail this class? Go ahead. Report me. I was joking. It’s my word against yours. I hate kids like you. You think you’ve got all the power - you don’t. I do.”
Later that kid and I became close friends and we skipped class to do anything else and the two of us were lying on our backs staring up at the sky and as we talked about that moment, he sighed, “I hate white people.” His girlfriend is white and so is his mom. I reached out until my fingers were resting in the warmth of his palm.
He spoke up each time our teacher said something shitty. He failed the class. I stayed silent. I got the A but I wish that I didn’t.
Here is a fact: I think gender is a social construct and people that want to tell others what defines it just haven’t done their homework. I personally happen to have the luck of the draw and am the same gender as my sex, which basically just means society leaves me alone about this one particular thing.
Until I met Alex, who said he hated cis people. My throat closed up. I’m not good at confrontation. I avoided him because I didn’t want to bother him.
One day I was going on a walk and I found him behind our school, bleeding out of the side of his mouth. The only thing I really know is how to patch people up. He winced when the antibacterial cream went across his new wounds. “I hate cis people,” he said weakly.
I looked at him and pushed his hair back from his head. “I understand why you do.”
Here is a fact: anger is a secondary emotion. Anger is how people stop themselves from hurting. Anger is how people stop themselves by empathizing.
It is easy for the drunken man to be mad at my friend. If he says “Hey, fuck you, lady,” he doesn’t have to worry about what’s so wrong about men.
It’s easy for my teacher to fail the kids who speak up. If we’re just smart-ass students, it’s not his fault we fuck up.
It’s easy for me to hate Alex for labeling me as dangerous when I’ve never hurt someone a day in my life. But I’m safe in my skin and his life is at risk just by going to the bathroom. I understand why he says things like that. I finally do.
There’s a difference between the spread of hatred and the frustration of people who are hurting. The thing is, when you are broken, there will always be someone who says “I’m worse, stop talking.” There will always be people who are mad you’re trying to steal the attention. There will always be people who get mad at the same time as you do - they hate being challenged. It changes the rules.
I say I hate all Mondays but my sister was born on one and she’s the greatest joy I have ever known. I say I hate brown but it’s really just the word and how it turns your mouth down - the colour is my hair and my eyes and my favorite sweater. I say I hate pineapple but I still try it again every Easter, just to see if it stings less this year. It’s okay to be sad when you hear someone generalize a group you’re in. But instead of assuming they’re evil and filled with hatred, maybe ask them why they think that way - who knows, you might just end up with a new and kind friend.
”—
By telling the oppressed that their anger is unjustified, you allow the oppression to continue. I know it’s hard to stay calm. I know it’s scary. But you’re coming from the safe place and they aren’t. Just please … Try to be more understanding. /// r.i.d (via inkskinned)
also that whole tale of aragorn and arwen thing where he saw her in the woods at twenty and fell instantly in love and it’s very beren and luthien? lies.
aragorn decided he was going to marry arwen when he was like, six.
and everyone thought it was just the cutest thing, baby estel with his little crush on the great immortal evenstar, and everyone would tease him about it relentlessly and he would get so mad, and pout, because how dare they doubt his word.
(arwen spent a lot of time biting back smiles and nodding very seriously when aragorn brings this up with her. no, estel, I do not know why they are laughing perhaps they have remembered a particularly funny joke.)
and then aragorn grows into this gangly teen and oh my god can you imagine being a pimply greasy teenager around fucking elves it’s a wonder he has any self-image left. His voice breaks every other word and the laundresses are beginning to wonder if something is wrong with the sheets because estel keeps washing them himself and aragorn wants to die, god, arwen is never going to marry him if he stays all elbows and skinny knees and he can’t even look her in the eye anymore without blushing, eye contact is probably something to look for in a husband–
(arwen, who never had to go through puberty because elves don’t do anything so undignified, tries to comfort him by saying she likes his blemishes. aragorn gives her a look of such utter, miserable despair that she starts laughing.)
(this is a mistake. he spends the next three weeks nursing his wounded ego and refusing to see her.)
estel is twenty when he asks for her hand. he is lean, slender and fair as a new tree, and so arwen does not feel guilt in kissing his cheek and gently refusing. he is still green, he will weather greater storms than this–and he takes it as he should, clasping her hand and swearing to ever be her loyal friend.
they write to each other–when she is in lorien, when he wanders with the rangers of the north, fights alongside gondor, travels to distant lands. it is an inconstant tie–he is rarely afforded time enough to put pen to paper; she is reserved so as not to encourage what may not be. (she signs her letters always, your friend. She likes him too well to be cruel in this.)
the years pass. his weariness and strife creeps onto the page, and she sends him tokens to fend off the darkness–leaves from lothlorien, the ribbon from her hair, snippets of poems. it is not enough it is never enough I am sorry, she writes.
his reply is gentle: you are enough. do not stop writing.
(she carries that letter tucked inside her sleeve for a long while, like a talisman–though against what evil, she does not know.)
she is in the house of her grandmother when a familiar voice calls out to her: my lady luthien!
this is when arwen looks up, sees aragorn–broad of chest and rugged, still wearing his battered mail, with one hand balanced lazily on the pommel of his sword. All the trees of caras galadhon are gold but he is shadow and silver, kingliness resting lightly on his shoulders–
Reminder that when Harry James Potter was given more accurate instructions and a competent potions professor he made a perfect batch of an extremely complicated potion on the first try
Which makes sense since his mother was great at potions and the Potters were literally potioneers
But hey Snape did all he could and had to keep up appearances right?
there are people who think bi people don’t have a place at lgbt+pride events
there are people who hate bi people so much that they won’t even reblog a post that says “bi girls and lesbians” without getting rid of the “bi girls” part
there are people who will fight to cut bi people off from support that we need, and who dismiss us if we try and talk about why we need that support
there are people who argue that being forced into the closet is a privilege when it’s a bisexual person being forced, and that we should accept this “privilege” and be happy that people assume our sexuality incorrectly
there are people who think that biphobia isn’t real and that we’re just complaining about characters being mislabeled as gay or straight
there are people who define bi people by the relationships they have and decide our worth as people by our partner
biphobia is a real issue. it isolates bi people, it separates us from the support of communities that we desperately need, and it makes people scared to be themselves in spaces that are supposed to be safe spaces, and it needs to be addressed and dealt with.
