before i started dating my boyfriend i had a dream that he asked me out and he said “what should i call you instead of boyfriend/girlfriend because youre agender” and i looked him straight in the eye and said “the vista cruiser”
I WENT TO VISIT MY GRANDMA AT THE NURSING HOME AND THE LADY LITERALLY DOESN’T KNOW POOP FROM APPLESAUCE BUT SHE MUST HAVE REMEMBERED ME BRINGING SOMEONE TO CHRISTMAS BECAUSE SHE’S LIKE “SO HOW’S KALEB” (AKA MY GIRLFRIEND, KAYLA) AND MY MOM WAS LIKE “SHE’S DATING A GIRL AND HER NAME IS KAYLA, MOM”
WITHOUT MISSING A BEAT MY GRANDMA WAS LIKE “OH HOW LOVELY. I WAS A LESBIAN ONCE YOU KNOW.”
What if, when Petunia Dursley found a little boy on her front doorstep, she took him in? Not into the cupboard under the stairs, not into a twisted childhood of tarnished worth and neglect—what if she took him in?
…
WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO GIVE ME FEELS ABOUT PETUNIA MOTHERFREAKING DURSLEY??????
i just heard a blood curdling scream coming from my sisters room so i ran in there all worried and she looks up from her laptop and whispered, “i liked one of his photos from 2009”
No, I’m serious, if women all got together and went into electrical engineering or automotive repair en masse, then ten years later people would be talking about how it was a “soft field” and it would pay proportionately less than other fields.
shoutouts to those low maintenance best friends. the ones who you don't speak to for months because both of yall are living life but when you catch up it's nothing but intense love.