weeping-angels-take-the-ponds:
‘got herself pregnant’ is the dumbest phrase in the world like forreal if it was possible to get pregnant by ourselves we’d have eaten all the men long ago
it actually is possible to get pregnant (without the sperm of a man whatsoever) using bone marrow from another woman! a child conceived this way can only be female so actually, men are entirely useless. fun fact
let’s begin the feast (◉‿◉✿)
So I had been listening to two teachers talking, the school day was over and I was waiting for a friend to get out of french club. The dude went “ladies need guys to keep the human race alive” and then the woman goes “but there couldn’t be a human race without women” and the guy goes “true, but there also kinda needs to be a man too to make a kid” and I was like “you realize that statement isn’t true anymore right?” and they turned and looked at me confused and I was like “yeah, science has changed things so it actually is possible to have a child that is entirely from two females, but the child itself would be female” and that was one of the first times I actually got to see two teachers rethink everything, and then the woman goes “well, you’re officially useless” and he goes “well, don’t put it that way, I can still teach math better than you” and she laughed and said “that’s because I’m an english teacher”
is bullshit advice.
My bigness is not determined by my capacity to quietly absorb bullying, degradation, or abuse.
people get so caught up on one small thing they don’t like, like their nose or something
things like salt and baking powder go into a cake and those things are gross alone but the cake is pretty damn delicious
this is the best fucking thing I’ve ever read
why is it that in all pre-serum steve/bucky fics, they’re terrified of being associated with the “sissies,” and the “fairies.” i have read the sentence “i ain’t no fairy” in like four fics minimum.
u know what would be cuter? bucky and steve being connected to the community. going to gay bathhouses and bars. i want them to be friends with lesbians like sandy kern. i want them going to drag balls in greenwich village and harlem. i want them running from police raids. bucky tearing steve away from a fight because the last thing he needs is for his boyfriend to get arrested for sodomy.
when they’re overseas i want the howling commandos to know and not give a fuck. i want peggy to know. i want steve contemplating the idea of bisexuality before he even knows the word. i want him to rub shoulders with queer heroes like helen harder.
why is it that in every fic ever steve wakes up in 2012 and he’s like “whoa look at these lgbt communities i’ve never heard of such a thing” when he could be like “hell yeaH hell fucking YEAH let me tell you a story of this one time a cop tried to beat the shit out of me in 1939 and a drag queen saved my ass before bucky even could”
doesn’t he move right from a historically gay neighborhood in NY to a historically gay neighborhood in DC
steve rogers knows what he’s about
#captain america what do you think of gay marriage#well ma'am you guys have been to the GODDAMN MOON WHY IS THE NOTION OF TWO PEOPLE THAT LOVE EACH OTHER SO FUCKING HARD TO UNDERST–#we are having technical difficulties please stand by
if i wanted sci-fi to be absolutely accurate i’d watch science science and not science fiction
Bucky wasn’t exactly loquacious around the Tower with anyone, but he went dead silent around Tony. For Tony’s part, he wasn’t used to that. He was used to the extremes of attraction and antipathy, not cold blankness. It made him nervous and that made his jokes turn mean.
Bucky stayed silent.
Tony got louder.
Bucky grit his teeth but stayed silent.
Weeks went by like this, Tony ratcheting up and Bucky shutting down. Tony couldn’t put it into words but it pushed every button he had to have one of those war heroes his dad cried into his whiskey about staring him down with cold, blank eyes. It felt like the old neglect but with new edges and Tony could have screamed.
But it all came to a head after a particularly bad fight in which Bucky lost one of his metal fingers down the jaw of a giant alien with molten breath. Tony brought him back to the workshop and tried to chatter through the tension between them. If he made enough noise, Bucky might as well not be there, right? It could be like the same as the companionable silence when he was alone with his robots.
“Your father,” said Bucky suddenly, cutting off a particularly long-winded story about a rocket launcher and Tony’s fifth grade teacher.
And, woo, was that not the topic Tony wanted to get going on.
“—was your bestest bud, I’ve heard,” said Tony, filling the air ever faster. “Such a great guy, glad you agree, Steve’s favorite—”
“I killed him,” said Bucky, cold and blank. “I remember that now.”
Tony stuttered to a halt.
“….the breaks,” he said slowly, “you cut…the…brakes.”
“Yeah,” said Bucky, solid. Cold.
“Then you killed my mother too,” said Tony.
“Yeah,” repeated Bucky. He pulled the screwdriver out of Tony’s lax fingers, laid it on the bench, and snapped shut the panel Tony had opened in his arm. “I’ll take this somewhere else. I can be gone in an hour.”
Tony’s brain was still swirling around the new information, he could barely understand the words Bucky was saying.
“…why?” he asked, bewildered.
Bucky had already stood but he looked back down at Tony on his workbench.
“It was academic for you before,” he said. “Hypothetical. But I’m a killer, Tony. And I can’t make amends for that.”
“It wasn’t academic,” said Tony slowly. “It wasn’t personal, but it was never academic.” He picked the screwdriver back up and motioned for Bucky to sit down again.
Bucky came slowly. He clearly expected to be hurt, it was written as clear as day on his face. But he came back, sat down, and waited for it.
‘God,’ thought Tony, ‘he thinks he would deserve it if I tortured him right now.’
It made his stomach turn.
"Bucky,” he said, using the man’s actual name for the first time and not one of a thousand variations of vaguely insulting nicknames, “do you know what my kill count looks like?”
Bucky shook his head slowly.
“Yours is child’s play compared to mine,” said Tony. “You were handling yours personally, one by one. I went for whole towns. Armies.”
He flipped the panel back open.
“It was never academic,” he repeated.
everyone acts like bucky was the troublemaker in the steve/bucky relationship but steve picked fights with everything that moved and bucky went to a science convention for fun
hahahahhAHAHHAHAHAH

NO

B Y E
Everything about the wipe is so sickening. This scene as a whole was the most horrifying thing I’ve seen in the MCU to date and yes, I remember Iron Man and Tony’s torture and no, this is still the most horrifying thing.
It’s not just the utterly sickening lack of agency, and the fact that he is half naked and injured and surrounded by men in swat gear with guns and rifles pointed at him. It’s not just the fact that you know he could take down everyone in this room without even breaking a sweat and yet he doesn’t. It’s not even just Pierce backhanding him, like he’d hit a broken toy to try and get it to start again.
It’s the fact that there’s something there. There’s something he’s hanging on to, desperately, there’s something clawing at him and it hurts because he’s remembering and he doesn’t know what it means, he doesn’t have parameters to deal with this, he’s overwhelmed and in pain and resigned that it’s going to be taken away from him but it’s too important to let it go. He speaks out of turn, “But I knew him,” he knows he’s going to hurt, now, his body remembers, he hyperventilates before the head piece is even in place, but someone gave him a name and that is too important, that he can’t let go, he can’t shove it back. And if you look here?

This isn’t resignation. This is defiance. This is emotional bleed. He knows he’s being lied to. He knows, just as he viscerally knew the man on the bridge. They’re going to try and take it away from him, and the last thing he can remember thinking as the headpiece slots in place is to hold on, just hold on, hold on to the name, hold on to that face, he can hold on, he can.
And he does. He fucking does. After Steve cracked him open, not even the wipe, not even the electroshock and the pain and the threat of what would happen to him if he failed was enough to shake off that bone-deep feeling that he knew him. The asset might’ve taken down Captain america, but Bucky Barnes would never, ever harm Steve Rogers. Hydra done and fucked up. They forgot these men’s identities, discarded them, regarded them as not relevant; but the moment Steve was able to break through and give Bucky back a doubt, a shred of sense of self, their whole programming collapsed like a fucking house of cards.
They forgot, banally, that there was still a person inside their beautifully carved weapon. And I can’t wait for the moment where James Buchanan Barnes reminds them. The time of reckoning is upon Hydra, and it’s going to be glorious.
I see a lot of art and fanfic showing AUs of highschool, college, etc. where Bucky is the naughty, sexy bad boy. That’s all awesome, I’m not criticizing, I love those stories too. I’m just…extrapolating, I guess.
I mean, the Winter Soldier IS a bad boy, all emo with the hair and the amnesia and the metal arm. I think we can all agree that he needs a good spanking. (Just me? No?)
But MCU Bucky Barnes? At least from what we see in the movies, he’s a stand up guy. He enlisted and didn’t get kicked out; he served honorably up until his “death”; he may have been a scoundrel with the ladies but that’s barely suggested, I mean, double dating would not be considered risque for two guys in their early 20s in 1942. His idea of a good time is not a dive bar but a family-friendly technology fair.
Steve on the other hand, he’s going around with a chip on his shoulder, starting fights he can’t finish, and trying to defraud the military by lying about his identity MORE THAN ONCE in an effort to enlist. His first military engagement happened because he directly disobeyed orders and went AWOL, two court-martial offenses.
No, it’s not Bucky Barnes, punk. It’s Bucky Barnes, letter man and quarterback with a great attendance record and glowing report cards and is head of the Science Club. But he keeps getting hassled because he’s hanging around with that disreputable Rogers kid who is probably queer and thinks he’s an “artist” and has weird piercings and was last seen ditching class in order stand guard outside of a Planned Parenthood clinic or getting into a fight with the police at an Occupy Movement rally.
“Seriously, Barnes, you could do better.” — every adult within five miles of Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers.
Imagine after Bucky joins the Avengers the guys are telling him about all the missions they’ve gone on and they’re casually mentioning all the times Steve’s almost killed himself and Bucky keeps glaring at him like,
“you jumped out of a plane? With no parachute?”
“you crashed your plane in the middle of the ocean?”
"you were going to fight a GOD?!”
and the rest of the avengers just have to sit there listening to Bucky shouting at Steve, for like an hour.
After the Winter Soldier shot out Howard’s tires and caused his car to crash, he walk up close to finish the job.
Howard recognizes him and realizes just how deep HYDRA has gone.
In his last words he begs Bucky, “Please, Barnes, not my son.”
Bucky shoots him.
But from here after, anytime HYDRA attempt to send him to kill Tony, Bucky would go berserk. Until finally HYDRA just stop trying to send the Winter Soldier after Tony Stark.
You know, a few months ago this dude friend of mine showed up to hang out with me all dejected. Over a couple of drinks he explained his long face – earlier that night, he’d been walking down the street behind this really cute girl, and when she looked back at him over her shoulder, he thought it was in interest and smiled at her. Now, this guy is tall and skinny, can most commonly be found in glasses and t-shirts scrawled across with math jokes, is kind to animals, considers himself a feminist. What he doesn’t consider himself is threatening, so he was surprised, confused, and even hurt by what happened next: the girl in front of him responding to his called greeting of, “Nice skirt,” by taking off down the darkened street in a dead run.
“Yeah,” I said, “she probably thought you were going to rape her.“
"But that’s not fair,” he said. “I’m a good person; I’d never rape anyone! How could she think that? She doesn’t even know me."
Out here in the wilds of the internet, I often find myself making arguments about shit like feminism and rape culture unilaterally. For one thing, there’s so much (like, so much) out there arguing unilaterally against this shit that I feel it’s necessary; for another thing, ‘round these parts there’s a lot of people jumping to hostility when it’s painfully clear they don’t have a handle on all the facts. But I’m more lenient with the people in my real life, especially dudes like the one mentioned above. I’m willing to extend to them a patience that I wouldn’t with strangers on the internet, because they matter to me, and it matters to me that they understand. So when my friend sat there that night, whining over his beer and responding to my attempted explanations with, "But I’d love it if a girl smiled at me on the street, or even catcalled at me! Fuck, even if a dude did it, I’d be flattered,” I decided to spend some time thinking about how to clear things up for him. It took awhile, but I finally came up with a metaphor to get the job done:
Consider the bank.
No, but think about this. We’ve seen the Winter Soldier face Fury’s car.
Maybe he’s done the same with Howard. Maybe his hair wasn’t so long yet. Maybe he wasn’t wearing a mask. Maybe Howard saw his face in the headlights for just a second.
Maybe Howard and Maria died in a car crash. Maybe Howard swerved to not hit a ghost.
dont hit men!!!!
dont hit women!!!
dont hit people!!!!
unless theyre into that in which case make sure you have a safeword
never respected a post as much as this
attdoctor-prophet:
sex-positive asexuals are people who are willing to have sex.
sex-repulsed asexuals are people who want nothing to do with sex.
sex-neutral asexuals are people who are …
raindropskeepfallingonmyheart:
i wonder if clint ever sees nat sleeping and whispers “romanoff” before poking her awake. as he runs away with her in hot pursuit, a faint “romanON” can be heard through the halls, followed by a cackle.
I think Bucky used to dread missions where Peggy was with them, not because of Feelings (though, you know…) but because suddenly he had TWO stupidly courageous lunatic daredevil heroes to try wrangle and no one believes him that they are Hard Fucking Work because he’s Captain Butter Wouldn’t Fucking Melt America and she has a vagina so you know, how badass could she be? and suddenly they are half way over Poland and there isn’t enough vodka in the world for this shit
Apparently, searching for the Winter Soldier means moving to New York and hell no is Sam Wilson moving to Brooklyn.
“Nah, man,” he explained. “I love you like whoa, but hell no. Harlem or bust.”
Steve didn’t get it, but whatever. He offered to let Sam have his floor in Stark’s godawful tower, but again: hell to the no.
“I know people in Harlem,” he explained further.
He should have known that sentence would put a cloud over Steve, but at least the argument held water for him. That was what Brooklyn was about, anyway. He was going to where he used to have people.
So Sam moved back to Harlem.
***
At three AM on a Thursday night, the buzzer for the front door of his apartment went off.
“If you’re here to kill me, come back in at least five hours,” he told whoever it was through the intercom.
“Sorry, Sam,” came Natasha’s voice. “We need a place to lie low.”
Fucking whatever. He buzzed her up.
She had a different buff, blonde superhero with her this time. He introduced himself as Clint and shook Sam’s hand. Then he winced and shook out his hand which Sam could now see was turning no-good-very-bad colors.
Natasha shrugged. “You should see the other guy,” she said.
“Other guys,” Clint corrected. “So many other guys. At least twenty.”
Sam raised an eyebrow.
“Fifty,” Clint continued. “Probably fifty.”
Sam repeated internally: fucking whatever.
“I left my straightener in DC,” he told Natasha. “Bad for your hair anyway.”
“Please,” she scoffed. “Straight hair is so last year.”
***
Two months later, Clint showed up with Bruce Banner. A lot of people in Harlem knew about Bruce Banner.
Sam put on the Enya CD he always told people he only had because an ex left it in his apartment. (This was a lie.)
Clint gave him a look.
“Look, Harlem thanks the dude for stopping the other dinosaur dude and everything,” Sam explained. “But he is not allowed to break my apartment. I don’t have the funds to build a new one from scratch.”
Bruce looked…not green, not in the bad way, but green like sea-sick sort of green. Like a hangover or something. His head was lolling and Clint was basically holding him upright.
***
Bruce Banner showed up in the daylight hours two days later with Tony Stark. Tony made fun of Sam’s CD collection. Bruce Banner fixed his leaky shower.
Sam thought to himself, OK, this is my life now.
Tony had to help with the shower. It went off and soaked them both and they left wearing all of Sam’s clean jogging clothes.
***
Steve came by with the Winter Soldier—“he’s Bucky“—in the middle of the night a couple weeks later.
Sam kept the place stocked with first aid kits and poptarts these days.
About an hour after they arrived, Natasha and Thor arrived. Then ten minutes later, Clint and Tony. Then Bruce.
"Everybody gets poptarts and beer,” Sam announced as he ushered Bruce in. “It’s all I have on hand.”
The Winter Soldier—Bucky—looked so fucking stunned at the suggestion that Sam made a bag of microwave popcorn just to fill the sudden depth of “feed this boy” feelings that had swelled up. It was something he inherited from his mom, no doubt. She was always feeding people who looked like that.
Yeah. This was his life now.
There were superheroes having a slumber party in his living room.
Who wants to bet Steve shows up at Sam’s house halfway through Age of Ultron like “I’m SO sorry for doing this to you again” while the whole Avengers team stands behind him, shuffling their feet and looking liked kicked puppies.
And Sam just goes, “I don’t have enough OJ for you all,” as he sighs and lets them file into his house.
“If you step out that door, you’re an Avenger”
FALCON and WAR MACHINE make a mad dash for the door past Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch.
I FOUND A LINKwhen i saw all time low in 2013 this kid threw his ipod on stage and rian picked it up and it was opened to notes and it said “can i sing dear maria with you?” and the band were pretty much like “yeah get up here” and then it turned into “WHO CAN PLAY DEAR MARIA ON DRUMS/BASS/GUITAR” and they found people who could and straight up handed them their instruments and let these four kids from the audience play dear maria on stage and it’s one of the coolest things i have ever seen
well i have a new band to get into now FUCK THIS IS SO COOL.
1800’s French Military Uniform
Today’s Military Uniforms
where did all the style go
where was the time when you could just
out-fab your opponents
do you really think it’s a good idea to take military advice from the French
REBLOGGING BECAUSE OF EVERYTHING OMFG
Historically the “style” died in 1914 because the French would wear bright blue and red uniforms and the British said “that’s a bad idea” and the French said “we look great” then they got sniped.
oh god.
The pacer is a test in gym class/PE that brings a shiver of despair down the spine of any unfortunate soul who has gone through it before. And it’s usually done at least once a year.
Students line up on one side of the gym, eyeing nervously the painted line before the opposite wall that will decide their fate. The teacher hits play on the stereo and a cheery woman’s voice echoes through the gymnasium. fuck that woman’s happy demeanor. She explains the rules as the kids wait anxiously. Get to the other line before the beep plays. Simple enough, right?
“Ready? Begin!” she calls, and the gut wrenching ‘beep!’ plays after.
The kids awkwardly half jog to the other line, with about 3 or 4 seconds before the next beep. Each time the horrendous noise plays they run back and forth to the lines. “Level one, complete” she says, as to pat you on the back for what little victory you’ve achieved.
Not bad, the kids think. But then comes level 2. level 3. With each interval the time between the beeps shorten, and you’re running as fast as you can to the other line. Your foot hits it, you pivot, the beep plays, youre running again. Your lungs burn, your throat is sore, your heart is on the verge of an attack. No rest. No mercy.
A girl is the first to crawl over to the instructor, defeated. Seeing one has fallen, other students begin to follow since “at least theyre not the first ones out”. Clutching their chests they bail out of the test. One girls crying. You can’t tell if the boy on the gym floor is alive or not. Three kids left for the water fountain and still havent made it back.
And then, the fallen sit there, watching the myths, the legends, the kids who have made it past 100 laps. 120. 150. When they finally collapse a cheer erupts from the students. Theyre heroes.
But the excitement only lasts for so long as the next round of nervous kids line up, who opted to go in the second wave and prolong their torture. The womans voice kicks back up. The beep plays. The cycle continues.
gabrielsaunteredvaguelydownwards:
meanwhile in england
- i am in a dress
- everybody you talk to opens conversation with ‘FUCK it’s hot’
- there are three hour long traffic jams for the beach
- everybody not at the beach is at home wailing that it’s too damn hot
- the shops have sold out of hair removal cream
it is 28°C how do you people do this ‘heat’ thing
americans laughing in the distance
australians laughing maniacly
I laughed entirely too loudly at this
I cackled like a fucking movie villain.
we need an emergency fake dash in case any of our relatives suddenly demand to see what we do on tumblr
like you log in with the password “parent alert” and it takes you to a dash that’s just the wisdom of confucius and new yorkers dissing olive garden
we should have that
Done.
Email: allfandomsmatter@gmail.com
Password: parentalert
Username: helpsomeonescoming
Use it well. Lets blast it so everyone can use it. Good luck.Reblog to save a life
if so…
hello there.
“don’t you get your languages mixed up?”
yeah all the time in fact in my latest Japanese essay I got 0% because I wrote the entire thing in Spanish and my parents are getting increasingly frustrated because I keep talking to them in German rather than British Sign Language
my friend is fluent in english, french, italian, portugese, german, dutch, russian and is learning spanish and latvian, and the other day he went into starbucks in england, ordered a latte in german, corrected himself in dutch and the poor barista looked at him in terror
I wrote the entire WRITTEN EXPRESSION part of my Spanish test in French, read over the whole exam like 3 times and didn’t notice
My teacher asked me a question in Latin (not randomly, that’s the class) and startled me and I looked up in terror because I missed the question and went “Dui bu qi, wo bu zhi dao”, and he just sort of stared at me because he wasn’t aware that I knew any Mandarin.