My husband doesn’t believe me that shaving your legs is difficult and time consuming. So long story short he is about to shave his legs for the first time.
Update: he is part way through one leg and regretting his decision. I got him to switch from his men’s razor to my woman razor (his is for face shaving) and it’s going slightly better.
He is hating shaving his legs. HATING it.
Update:
My husband from the shower: how many notes does your post have?
Me: roughly one for every YEAR you have been in that shower!
Update:
BEFORE:
AFTER:
He says it was ridiculous and he can’t imagine having to do it again in a few days time, it’s much harder than shaving his face (he had previously claimed they would be abut the same). He says he feels he has learned a lesson!
Edit: He also pulled a muscle while shaving his legs! He said it was like exercise. “Yoga in the shower with razors” indeed!
Update: he has been rubbing his legs together in bed for ten minutes.
i know tumblr likes violent man eating mermaids but i fuck p heavy with pretty playful pretty scaled mermaids in warm sorts of waters keeping the tide gentle when lil toddlers are learning to swim and kissing the breath into good sailors because they have someone waiting on a cliff by the sea for them to come home and cutting seals and turtles out of netting and plastic bags
but maybe being from hawaii just made me think of the ocean of a safe cradley sort of place i know its scary i know it’ll kick your ass but sometimes its ten types of turquoise and and sometimes sea foam sticks to your eyelashes sometimes the sun hits your face even when you’re twenty feet under and i have a hard time forgetting its first and foremost a womb
so mermaids who watch the triple crown and scare sharks away from the surfers
Cheerleader mermaids, whooping it up, yelling encouragement to their fave surfers at competitions.
Skinny, giggly teen mermaids helping jittery new surfers get used to the water, and helping them back on the board when they fall off.
Mermaid moms holding swimming lessons for human kids along with their own babies. Older mermaids helping elderly and disabled folks swim for physiotherapy.
Delicate, koi-like mermaids falling in love with pretty pearl-diving girls in Asia.
Chubby, blubbery cold water mermaids who are built to deal with ice cold waters, watching out for ships around ice bergs and signalling them safely around the danger.
Cold water mermaids tossing fish to Inuit hunters who’ve had a bad day so they don’t have to go home without food.
Dark skinned swamp mermaids who blend into the murky bayou water, rescuing people who slip and fall into the muck so they don’t sink or drown.
Swamp mermaids chatting up cute Cajun boys and showing them where to fish the best crawdads.
Fancy-finned tropical mermaids posing for pictures with excited snorkeling tourists.
Clever, dolphin-like mermaids helping scientists track fish migratory patterns and catching sample for them to study.
Large, fierce shark-like mermaids helping the coast guard capture poachers, pirates, and smugglers.
MERMAID DIVERSITY FTW!
CAN SOMEONE JUST WRITE ME A 500 PAGE NOVEL ABOUT MERMAIDS ALREADY. I HAVE BEEN SEEING THESE POSTS FOR ALMOST A YEAR AND I AM READY.
I’ve just come to the realisation that Hermione Granger probably memory charmed her parents and packed them off to Australia long before she told Harry and Ron she’d done it at the beginning of Deathly Hallows.
She literally never goes home from Goblet of Fire onwards, spending her summers with the boys instead. In GoF she’s remarkably blase about her teeth, something her dentist parents would have noticed and felt hurt about.
If I were to guess, I’d say she probably did it after the wizarding world cup when she’d seen exactly how the wizarding world treats muggles and decided not to let that happen to her folks. Hermione knows which way the wind is blowing and gets in early. She’d be more than capable of doing it.
…Oh my God.
hermione is fucking ruthless and i will fight anyone who tells me otherwise
that was her “negative” gryffindor trait
was she incredibly brave and courageous and loyal? yes
but she was also vicious and violent and trapped a woman as a beetle in a jar for over a year because she pissed her off
Men are always talking about what’s “natural” but in nature it’s always the males of the species that have to be pretty or work really hard to get the females.
I want to see more men dressing up and wearing makeup. Dance for me. Build me a fucking house. Impress me, you mediocre fucks.
Keira Knightley was SEVENTEEN in the first pirates of the caribbean movie and now she’s THIRTY and she looks EXACTLY THE SAME. And by “exactly the same” I mean at seventeen she looked like she was in her mid twenties and possessed beauty and elegance too perfect for this world, like the physical manifestation of the word ethereal, and can anyone actually discern any sign of her aging in the last 13 years? has she honestly ever aged? will she ever? I’d say it’s witchcraft or aliens but I think the most reasonable explanation is that she’s Keira Knightley
Hey? Welcome to the party, I guess, please have a party hat. Forgive my random blogging at all hours, eclectic tastes, and occasional tirades about medicine.
Feel free to tell me what made you decide to follow me, though! (I’m a little too curious for my own good.)
Whoever is blasting Phantom of the Opera down the hall will be drowned out from me blasting Les Misérables there can only be one dominant broadway production in this floor
This is what I imagine theatre majors living in dorms behave like.
This is exactly what theatre majors living in dorms behave like
i was talking to a guy and he said “if there were no laws you could be raped at any point of the day” and i replied with “yeah and i could retaliate by stabbing the rapist, hey i mean there are no laws” and he said “rape isn’t that bad, stabbing someone is a little over dramatic” wtf.
I came across a really handy and important feature on my phone that I wanted to share with all of you.
Imagine this - you unfortunately get involved in a pretty serious accident. The ambulance arrives and wants to inform your parents/friends/partner, and checks your phone. Except it’s fully locked for everyone except yourself because of your fingerprint feature, or your password, or both. They cannot access your ICE numbers. And that sucks for both you and them.
But your iPhone recently got a new feature called the Health app. Yeah, that annoying little app with the pink heart on it that you’d love to delete because it takes up space.
DON’T. This thing actually comes in handy. Hear me out.
Open your health app. Now, if you look in the lower right corner, you’ll see “Medical ID”. Click it. Now you can fill in everything medical about yourself, including your conditions, your meds, your blood type even. And yes. You can add phone numbers of your choice that the emergency peeps can call if something bad happens to you!
And the best thing is? This screen is fully accessible, even if your phone is locked. They have to slide to your passcode screen, hit “EMERGENCY” and then click “MEDICAL ID” in the lower left corner.
Please spread the word!!
It’s legit. I have epilepsy and can put all my ICE contacts there, have all the medications I take listed, any plethora of other important information. You can even put down if you’re an organ donor I think. Either way, it’s extremely important, so make sure you do it. Save a life, you may save your own life.
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rage at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
”—Dylan Thomas, Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night (via marsza)
Random Headcanon: The reason the Wizarding World in Harry Potter uses such arse-backwards technology isn’t cultural elitism. (Well, not entirely.) Rather, it’s because if you enchant anything more complicated than a screwdriver, it tends to become sentient over time. Devices that use electricity are particularly bad for this, and almost always “wake up” eventually. Arthur Weasley’s car going rogue and running off to live in a forest is actually a fairly favourable outcome; the students still tell horror stories about what happened to the guy who smuggled in (and subsequently enchanted) a digital wristwatch.
this is the best answer to this plot hole i’ve ever heard
40+ year old men who seriously believe the young girls working at stores and restaurants are actually flirting with them just because the girls smile and are friendly are the most disgusting and terrifying things on this planet.
i keep getting messages from men over the age of 40 who were upset by this post and i’d like to sincerely thank them for proving my point so effortlessly.
idk why anyone would be interested in me romantically i literally watch netflix, complain, and wear the same four to five outfits with different mixes and matches all the time
Alright, wait a second, hoooold up. Many sources are telling us that in the Civil War trailer, Iron Man says, “If we have no limitations, we’re no better than the bad guys.”
That jives pretty well with the Tony who, at the end of IM3, blew up all his drones after realizing meaningful things about weaponry and power. But how the merry fuck does that jive with the Tony Stark in Ultron who created not one, but TWO overblown robots that could have ended the world?
All I can summise is that we are being canonically asked to pretend Ultron never happened.
let’s all stop for a minute and thank jk rowling for not making the golden trio a love triangle
You know it’s funny, because I read the HP series when I was…oooh, eight, I believe–blew through the first six books in four days (the seventh wasn’t out yet). And I read a LOT, now and then, every book I could/can get my hands on, so I was already WELL AWARE of the whole “three friends, BUT WAIT, one is a GIRL, and they do stuff get shit done whatever, BUT WAIT, both boys want to do the kiss and the sex and the date with her, BUT WAIT, she doesn’t know which one she wants to do the aforementioned activities with and so the friendship breaks down because the world is shitty and the boys can’t get past it.” And at the time I was like “what is this sort of sick feeling in my stomach” as I plowed through these FUCKING AMAZING books. And in retrospect I’m just like “that was you worrying a lot about a love triangle, honey.” And I’m still kind of bemused and delighted that my fears did not come to pass.
This has been the story of how Moran kind of fucking hates love triangles.
“I think lesbians are smarter in a sense that we know what we want and we go for it, that’s why we’re gay”
“so if you’re at a party and you see the hottest girl there who turns out to be bisexual, whats your reaction?” “that’s really unfortunate”
“if she can make me laugh then I might be able to get past the fact that she had a dick in her mouth last week”
“if you’re with a lesbian then you know that they’re going to be going for you, for a woman, but if you’re with a bisexual…”
and a special mention for personal experience:
“I’ll have to keep a meter away from you tonight, otherwise you might make out with me haha”
“I wanted to tell you that you looked good last night but someone told me not because you might make out with me”
we constantly get told not to attend pride unless we’re in a same sex relationship, get degrading comments from both the gay community and straight people, are told we aren’t ‘queer enough’ and that because we can pass as straight we don’t deserve a place in LGBTQ+ spaces.
get fucked.
to add to this: if you’re a bisexual dude people are straight up not going to believe you’re not secretly gay/in the closet bisexual girls are fetishized and bisexual guys are considered liars
jobs are for survival, not for joy. not everyone has the luxury or pleasure of loving what they do. they do it bc it pays the bills and everyone needs to stop acting like everyone is supposed to love their job. if you love your job, you are lucky.
You know who did the teen hero thing right? Kim Possible, that’s who. She never messed around with that secret identity thing or with not letting her parents or friends know what she was doing so she never had to deal with, “Oh, I’m gonna miss this important family event to save the world” or, “What’ll happen in my friends find out my secret identity?” bullcrap. It was like, “Mom, Dad. I gotta go deal with this Drakken sitch,” and they’d just be like, “Have fun. Tell Ron we said hi.” She had that hero/personal life balance thing on lock. I aspire to have my life as in balance as Kim Possible.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released a report about teens, sleep, and the ideal time to start school. It found that 4 out of 5 junior high and high school students are starting school too early. Too early = any time before 8:30 a.m.
This wasn’t a small school sampling, either. It included 40,000 public junior and high schools.
an interesting thing: women constantly ask their friends if they have the right to be angry/upset/sad or if they’re just being “crazy” and men don’t ever do that, they were raised believing in their feelings and worth and never have to ask twice
Check your student e-mail EVERY DAY. More than once if you can. Forgetting to check your e-mail is the #1 way to screw yourself over, and also sometimes you can save yourself stress or a walk to class by noticing right away that a professor has cancelled class of extended a deadline.
there are 2 songs that have 100 beats per minute which is the correct amount for cpr and they are “staying alive” and “another one bites the dust” and if u don’t think that’s the rawest shit you’ve ever heard you can unfollow me right now.
My entire EMT class thought I was fucking terrifying because when we were learning CPR they were having trouble with the rhythm and I just sat down and slammed out like a solid minute of flawless CPR and they all went “How do you do that” and I did it again singing Another One Bites The Dust and they were all really afraid.
I do not recommend singing Queen while actually doing CPR.
AU where people age until they reach 18 and then stop aging until they meet their soul mate so they can grow old together.
i’d never die
but imagine already being in a relationship at 18 and then at 22 you’re both sitting there looking at each other and realizing that you both haven’t aged a day
imagine platonically moving in with ur best friend at 18 and then realizing a few years later that you’ve been aging together
imagine purposely never finding your soul mate so you can reign eternal
holy shit i think we may have stumbled upon the greatest romance/adventure concept ever
What if you killed your soul mate so you’d make sure you never aged.
This just makes me really want a story where the main antagonist is someone who has been killing their soulmate for centuries whenever they find them, and the main protagonist is the newly re-incarnated version of their soulmate
okay but you guys dont realize the potential.
imagine meeting a handsome young man who’s seen as a player and sleeps around a lot and you notice a scar along his arm and ask where he got it. he just look down at his feet and said “i used to be a soldier in world war one”. He’s been sleeping around and hooking up so much cause he’s been trying to find his soulmate for years but hasn’t yet.
Imagine going on your first date with someone and you really hit it off and then the next day you notice a grey hair and call them on the phone excitedly screaming and they both just sit on the phone hysterically crying and laughing.
Imagine sitting in silence with your partner and having them say out of the blue “i feel so old when im around you… but… in a good way” and thats the moment you know that they love you.
imagine having a dog thats 18 in human years and it starts to get gray patches of fur because they loves you so much.
imagine noticing you look older and freaking out but then stopping and getting super confused because “im not dating anyone right now…. which of my friends is my soulmate… WHICH ONE IS IT!?!?!?” and then they hopelessly date everyone they know in order to find out which one it fucking was. it was the pizza delivery guy the whole time. they went on 27 dates that all ended in confusion and heartbreak and it was the god damn pizza delivery guy from a month ago the whole fucking time.
imagine someone dating their partner for 5 years and then having an affair. only after the affair do they start aging.
imagine nuns who start to age after they ceremoniously “marry god”
imagine people getting surgeries to look older cause they dont want people to think theyre alone.
imagine having parents who wont let you date anyone but they start to notice you aging and then you have to have a terrifying “surprise im gay and i have a boyfriend haha oops” conversation
imagine seeing couples with teenage kids and the couple both looks 18.
Buy a bat (I have my old color guard rifle) or similar. Keep it in your room/near your bed.
Get a lock for your bedroom door.
If you’re moving into a new place, change the locks. Who knows who had a key to your place before you.
Keep your phone/a phone in your room.
Get a weather alert system set up. App, weather call, little weather radio that tells you about major weather events.
Adopt a pet
Wave at your neighbors. Take note of the ones that make you uneasy. Watch out for kids always.
Be nice to your mail person. No matter what.
If you choose to drink/etc alone, unplug your wifi router. You’ll thank me.
Have extra seating. People sit when they visit. Your one comfy chair is great for you. Not so great for you + grandma + ur five cousins, your aunt, and a couple others.
Learn the self-Heimlich
When you take a shower, bring your phone to the bathroom in case you fall your phone is no longer halfway across the house, it’s just on your counter
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Idk what else
If you live in an one-room apartment, put a screen around your bed. It’ll feel less like you visit people, esp. strangers, into your bedroom. Also you’ll feel much safer sleeping in the enclosure.
Cook enough for a few meals each time you cook, and freeze the extra food. That way you’ll prevent things from expiring and it’s great when you don’t feel like cooking or have no time or energy for it.
Give a key to someone near you trust, or hid it somewhere few people will look, like up in a tree. Shutting yourself out isn’t nice, esp. not at night.
Put something translucent like curtains or stickers for windows where people can walk past or look in. You’ll feel less watched that way.
Put some contant money somewhere in your room. Good to have in case your bag gets lost or stolen.
Feeling lonely? Remember, online contacts are not less valuable.
I would say maybe set reminders for everything too. Taking meds/vitamins, working out, going to sleep, waking up.
Buy a small fan for white noise at night if you’re the kind (like me) that gets anxious at all the little ambient noises that ANY building can supply in the dark.
Don’t watch scary movies in the dark by yourself, with no visitors.
NETFLIX, if you can afford it. It’s also useful because you can watch movies / shows with your online buddies at the same time, miles and states and (sometimes even) countries apart.
get an app like safetrek. never walk into allies or empty streets if there is a more populated/well-lit route to your destination. keep emergency contacts in your wallet and a red cross card with your blood type on it in case anything happens. carry a list of medications you’re allergic to, if any.
walking around with a headset or headphones discourages people from yelling at you on the street, and it’s easier to escape from hasslers. however, it’s pretty advisable to not have anything actually playing so you can be aware of your surroundings. if anything, have it at low volume.
if you get grabbed on the street (this used to happen to me a lot), immediately scream, and the person will usually get startled, giving you time to get away.
if you feel like you’re in a really bad place, call someone, or even pretend like you’re calling someone. say where you are. act like you’re planning on meeting up with them. be loud about it. make it seem like someone will notice if you go missing, even for a little bit.
also u should look up manufacturer’s coupons like damn i feel like a successful suburban mom every time i walk into cvs and save 2 dollars on my toothbrushes
Motherfucking coupons, man. Those small savings really add up over time.
Please don’t forget that Bernie Sanders is a Jewish man who’s parents survived the Holocaust? When you hurl labels at him such as “white supremacist” you need to remind yourself that his family was shaped and harmed by white supremacy, eugenics, and genocide. Stop brushing him off as another run of the mill white man, and stop being antisemitic.
tbh i dont get why most people assume that robots are always cold
like have u felt a laptop while its working? its kinda not exactly cold yo
tbh any piece of machinery thats working hard to function is usually not cold, the only time its ever cold is when its turned off
so id like to think while a robot is awake and functioning they could have the potential to be as warm as a human being :0
never thought about this before but now it’s obvious
although like i hope they’ve actually improved cooling tech by the time they’re building androids bc my laptop can actually get so hot it makes THE ROOM hot and it’s only the size of a laptop so potentially an android who was thinking very hard would be a veritable furnace
think too hard, overheat, faint
fainting couches for androids omg
Fainting couches for androids is the best possible thing
file under things i didn’t know i needed in my life
humans who carry around those chemical freeze-packs in case they need something to drape across their friend’s fevered brow
humans who insist on holding a parasol for their robot friend on sunny days
a robot draping herself over a fainting couch in distress and a bunch of worried humans mobbing up to fuss and fan her and bring her some cool water and pat her hand and gallantly offer to beat up whatever alarmed her
too cute
Okay guys and gals I like where ur going but I think we’ve glossed over something with real potential.
Androids blushing
A human calls their android friend cute and then they look flustered and you hear their cooling fans kick into high gear
A human plants a little kiss on their cheek and they turn red hot (literally) from embarrassment
“Brr, it’s friggin cold in here.”
“Hold on I got this. Hey TX-10 did I tell you you look very pretty today?”
The room temp rises a couple degrees as TX-10 tries to hide their blushing.
