This happened a few years ago and I was living in Zimbabwe at the time, and I was having a pretty bad day, I was going to see my auntie who lived about 400km away from me. If youre african you’ll understnad that this was no small journey. So I got in my car and set off and about 3 hours into the journey i came across a Dude by the side of the road who was going in the same direction, so out of the goodness of my heart i said jump in. we go to talking and he happened to be going to exact same village as me and he knew my auntie!.
Half an hour passes and we’re making polite chit chat and reminiscing about old times in zimbabwe, when all of a sudden he tell me to pull over, so I do. he runs out of the car and starts making wretching noises, so i assume he’s throwing up, its dark at this point so i cant really see much, so i go check on him ( first mistake). I get out and go to his side expecting him to be there but he’s not…..Then I here someone behind and me and before i know it im unconcious! so I wake up a couple hours later( iknow this becuase the sun was coming up at this point) without my car, clothes or wallet. so im thinking great. i look around and see im on some farmland wearing the giys clothes. SO i start walking in no particular direction and eventually come across a settlement.
I explain to them my situation and they tell me that the nearest main road is at least a good half a days walk from where I am and they dont get many cars coming through this part but they heard one last night ( which might be our thief). I start walking in the direction they point me in and after what felt like forever i come acroos a road, so I pitch up and start waiting, ( now i know most of you are thinking why not call someone, i had no phone with me and I dont have the best memory so I didnt know any numbers that would come in handy). after a couple of hours a car stops and lets me hitch I let him know the situaion and he says we’re in the complete opposite direction of my intended destination but he’s willing to drop me close enough to walk the rest of the way to which I thought great!
its takes a good two days to get there and he drops me off and i say my goodbyes to my driver, I take down his number so i can repay him later on. At this point im starting to recoginise my surroundings, I walk for a few miles and as im getting closer to my aunties i can here a lots of singing and what appears to be a large crowd which i though was strange. Im about 100 feet from the house and i see my Son which again i thought was strange because he was meant to be in school at this time, but instead of running to me and hugging me as he normally does…he runs away screaming to my complete bewilderment. I get to the the gate and all of a sudden the large crowd alerted by my sons scream has stopped singing and is stood silent. my wife appears and starts to run towards me hugging and kissing me like Ive been gone for months. My auntie appears and immediately faints when she sees me.
I still have no clue whats going on at this point and im exhausted, so we rush to get my auntie inside and I see my picture ontop of a large box that resembles a coffin sitting in the living room….
So it turns out that the guy who robbed me and made off with my car my wallet and all my clothes was in a car crash so bad that they couldnt identify the body and because the only things they could use to identify him was my wallet, they assumed it was me that had died in the crash. since there was no body of sorts they could arrange the funeral preety quickly and that is what I had stumbled upon. My son still has nightmares to this day and and my wife has told me never to pick up a hitch hiker ever again.
TL;DR Got carjacked, robber died and family thought it was me, they arrange my funeral and I somehow manage to stumble upon my own funeral.
I am a autistic survival sex worker and I am currently in a very bad situation. I was outed and assaulted by my dad so I ran away from home. I am living with a man who makes me service him twice a day. Today his mom is coming over to kick me out. There is a storm outside and I have no money and nowhere else to go because I have no friends. I am really scared and don’t know what to do.
My Paypal is snguyen021095@gmail.com and if you would like to donate even just a tiny bit, that would help me out a lot. Please reblog this post even if you can’t donate. I am begging you please help me.
My GoFundMe is gofundme.com/kx33jfdk so you can donate there too!
Thank you so much for reading!
let’s call this post A BIOLOGIST’S 1 AM ISSUES WITH THE BASILISK IN THE MOVIE VERSION OF THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS (BY POPULAR REQUEST)
and let’s be clear most of the time i dabble in mammals and not herps so i’m expecting a herpetologist to whisk this post away when i’m done and get in on the real schooling
now let’s be clear there are some major differences between movie basilisk and book basilisk. by perusing my copy of chamber of secrets i can give you the major points of the description:
very large (“thick as an oak trunk,” with a mouth wide enough to swallow Harry, a 12 year old gryffindor child, whole)
“bright, poisonous green”
“bulbous yellow eyes”
“fangs long and thin as sabres”
fuck i love rowling’s descriptions OKAY
and you know what, it’s pretty ok. aside from the size (i’ll discuss this in just a minute) it really works. with the bright green coloration, I always imagined it looking like a green mamba or a boomslang, two types of highly venomous snakes. (yes, a boomslang IS a real thing that JKR did not make up as a polyjuice potion ingredient!)
Above: a gorgeous boomslang. Tell me that fucker wouldn’t look awesome huge and CGI.
“You just sit behind a desk with a headset, how stressful can your job really be?”
How stressed would you be if this was your daily shift?
A child calls 911. “My mommy and daddy are melting. They won’t wake up.” [Child’s parents have been murdered and are covered in their own blood, child is 4 and doesn’t know their location.]
A man, middle-aged: He tells you that he has a gun and he’s going to shoot himself. You hear his wife in the background and his kids are crying. You hear his wife ask “What are you doing!? NO!” and the sound of a gunshot. You hear the gunshot again. The kids have stopped crying. The man is heard, and hangs up. [Family murder and suicide.]
A woman in hysterics: Her vehicle became stranded on the road. A man offered to help her, and instead abducted one of her small children. The woman won’t calm down to give you pertinent information and becomes suicidal.
A man calls, young adult: You can hear scuffling and nothing else at first, and then the sounds of pain. The caller manages to tell you he’s been shot. You hear someone else in the room, and you stay on the phone while trying to get information from the caller and listen to his death rattles as he dies on the line. [Caller was shot by an intruder.]
A woman calls, elderly: There is an intruder on her property. She sounds calm, a little confused as to why he’s there. She doesn’t seem to know where she is. Suddenly she is heard screaming bloody murder, over and over, as he kills her on the line.Link to Call:(Very graphic, you hear her die.)
And then the plethora of calls like assaults, DUI, medical (where yes, sometimes they die as you walk them through what to do until EMS gets there. It’s very easy to feel responsible for things you have no control of) angry complaints about burger king making their burger wrong, suicides…the list goes on and on. And these can sometimes be daily occurrences depending on where you work.
Dispatchers are also prone to PTSD due to exposure to listening to people dying from violence, health problems, accidents, auto accidents, and other things the 911 dispatcher must respond to on a sometimes daily basis.
And, most importantly, dispatchers carry on their shoulders their officer’s safety. Knowing where they are, where they are going, if there is danger where they’re going, getting them the help they need immediately, and sometimes even listening to an officer be killed over the radio.
It is a harsh job and not meant for everyone, and nobody should ever say you are just “Sitting behind a desk with a headset on.”
These people should be lauded as heroes. If rather be a cop than a 911 dispatcher. Hearing this happen in real time and being powerless to stop it. That would break me in a second. Just thinking of that makes me want to cry.
this is mean and terrible but it exhausts me to be around people who haven’t finished going through their pretentious asshole phase like okay holden caulfield i know we’re all helplessly suckling at the teat of modern media but can you shut up and play some goddamn mario kart for like five minutes
Lol…the fact that people are getting seriously upset and offended by Banksy’s Dismaland makes me feel like I must live in an art “bubble”… like people think this a real amusement park? What. Its not an ~*edgy*~ version of Disneyland, its an installation meant to provoke an audience.. Its supposed to be creepy and confusing. Also he’s always made over the top, in your face art…almost always focused on politics and consumerism.
Tl;dr Seeing non-artists react to art makes me laugh sometimes
I’ve seen people commenting on and critiquing it from an art perspective, so we run in different circles maybe?
like, I can give you the five hundred words about why every time i see something of Banksy’s i want to bang my head on something hard.
I feel like it’s very hard to describe anything Banksy has ever done without using the word sheeple sincerely, which is why he irritates me as an artist. He’s the guy in your freshmen college art class who does a - shit, I don’t know, a painting of a mcdonald’s as a church with ronald mcdonald hanging out little cups of pepsi for communion for his first project, y’know?
and then the professor says hm i think this is a solid idea but have you considered expanding it maybe? because they’re too polite to say oh gooooooooooooood
and the freshman art dude says no no, you don’t get it, see, the mcdonald’s is a church. because today, in america, people idolize fast food and convenience over god or morality, not that i believe in any sky fairies myself, let me tell you about the flying spaghetti monster
and everyone in the entire class is silently screaming shut UP JOSH
and the next project he does is a painting of the statue of liberty, but fat, or wearing low rise jeans instead of robes? and the psychic energy of twenty-eight full grown adults thinking shut up shut up shut up can’t even touch him, he’s going to spend all semester doing this and oh god what if you ever get assigned to give feedback on his work, what are you going to say? if you express any criticism whatsoever he will assume you don’t “get it” and explain it to you for about a hundred days and you will have to stab yourself with a paintbrush to escape
fuck. where was I? anyways. banksy is the spirit of That Art Dude, and dismaland is the spirit ofThe Semester You Got Stuck in that Art Class with the Art Dude.
EDITED TO ADD:
i wrote all that, and then I googled images of banksy’s art just to reassure myself that I wasn’t being too harsh, and immediately found his piece on the Mona Lisa holding a rocket launcher.
like. the problem is not that BANKSY is too INTELLECTUAL and his pieces are too COMPLICATED for pleb minds, okay? it’s the mona fucking lisa with a gun, EVERYONE GETS IT.
i just want russo brothers to not to give a fuck about anything joss whedon wrote. natasha and bruce? make that theory about nat flirting with bruce to only to get into his head real. tony not feeling anything about losing jarvis? put some fucking flashbacks. or make the audience feel lack of jarvis, make tony call for jarvis accidently for a few times. make tony use that puppy eyes. steve, not looking for bucky or not even mentioning him once? flashbacks again, please. i don’t know if i can find an alternative for clint having a family or pietro being fucking dead, but i’m sure russos can. i just want to smell that “fuck whedon” attitude in the whole movie. thank you.
those little things on ur nose aren’t blackheads, don’t try and get rid of them they’re sebaceous filaments and they’re permanent and literally everyone has them
every girl has that little pouch of fat on her lower tummy, despite what magazines try n show u, you have important organs there that need to be protected don’t try and get rid of ur pouch
ur body is smarter than u think and it knows what to do when u eat more than normal. one bad day, or even week, of eating poorly isn’t gonna ruin anything at all I pinky promise
if u think u look good up until u try taking a selfie, it’s not ur fault - our faces are asymmetrical and when u see ur face flipped it will look unnatural to u, since u don’t see it that way when u look in the mirror. to everyone else it looks perfectly fine
no one’s stomach looks the same at 8pm as it does at 8am. no one has a chiseled six pack after a day of eating, not even the super fit people u see on tumblr, because ur stomach naturally expands after eating and expecting to have a flat tummy before bed is very unrealistic
no one notices if the bags under ur eyes are bad today. no one pays attention to the bump in ur nose or the zit on ur chin or the piece of hair that u missed when u were straightening. literally no one notices these things except you so stop worrying about it ur gonna be fine
Y'all do realize that Hitler had similar views about Jewish people that Trump has about Latinxs. Back then nobody thought Hitler would win and somehow he did and then fast forward to all the shit that went down. Y'all need to stop playing and start paying attention to Trump- he’s not kidding.
I’ve actually studied a lot about Hitler and the general formula that goes into the making of a genocide. Someone on my Facebook today said “Trump is just trying to define what it means to be an American” and it sent chills through me. Hitler was just trying to define what it meant to be German. And Turkey in the early 1900s was trying to define what it meant to be Turkish. Which was a large part of the Armenian genocide. Intense nationalism that leads to hatred is fucking scary, and this man is definitely a threat. I’m sure people don’t believe that Trump could order the same things to happen as Hitler did, but here’s the thing: there are two different schools of thought about the Holocaust. And that is that it was premeditated and the other is that it just built up. It was either his plan all along or the atrocities developed with time. Hitler didn’t begin his career with “burn the Jews” he began it with “re-empower Germany and deport the weaker non-Germans who are a threat to us.”
sometimes you say or do bad things while you’re in an awful mental place. sometimes you say things that are rude or uncalled for or manipulative. and i’m not going to hold that against you. mental illness is hard, and no one is perfect. but once you’re through that episode, you need to take steps to make amends. you need to apologize.
“i couldn’t help it, i was having a bad episode” is a justification, not an apology.
“i’m so fucking sorry, i fucked up, i don’t deserve to live, i should stop talking to anyone ever, i should die” is a second breakdown and a guilt trip. it is not an apology.
when you apologize, the focus should be on the person you hurt. “i’m sorry. i did something that was hurtful to you. even if i was having a rough time, you didn’t deserve to hear that,” is a better apology. if it was a small thing, you can leave it at that.
if you caused significant distress to the other person, this is a good time to talk about how you can minimize damage in the future. and again, even if it is tempting to say you should self-isolate and/or die, that is not a helpful suggestion. it will result in the person you’re talking to trying to talk you out of doing that, which makes your guilt the focus of the conversation instead of their hurt.
you deserve friendship, and you deserve support. but a supportive friend is not an emotional punching bag, and mental illness does not absolve you of responsibility for your actions. what you say during a mental breakdown doesn’t define you. how you deal with the aftermath though, says a lot.
This is the most carefully-nuanced discussion of this I think I have ever seen. Thank you for writing this.
If I follow you, yes, I care about your garden, what your cat did today, the jewelry you made, that one friend who said the thing, i like your sense of humor, and also your selfies.
the weirdest thing about the education system is that pretty much every teenager ever is so stressed out about schools that they pray for disasters or fake illness or try to kill themselves and yet nobody has ever thought to themselves “hey maybe our system is flawed” and instead all they ever think is “kids these days are so lazy and selfish” like what the fuck is up with that man
real talk why do so many fantasy universes think giant spiders are necessary
The sad part is there’s a decent chance a large proportion of them can be blamed on one spider.
The tarantula that bit JRR Tolkien as a child.
He swore he didn’t have a spider phobia and the experience had nothing to do with the man-eating giant spiders in The Hobbit, the even more giant and even more man-eating spider in Lord of the Rings, or the unholy eldritch spider from outside creation that plunged the world into darkness and made literal Satan scream like a little kid in the Silmarillion. Very few people believe him.
Given LotR’s influence in the fantasy genre, there is a high probability that tarantula is the progenitor of even more fictional spiders than Ungoliant was.
Just had a thought for an action hero thing: 30-something woman hero is doing her ass-kicking thing. One day, her boss shows up at her door, and tells her she has to stand down, or there will be consequences. “Honey, it’s not that you’re too old. It’s just the public don’t like to see a woman of your age saving the day. It feels emasculating”.
So woman is stripped of her support team, fellow agents, and is pretty much put on the shelf. She tries to do heroing, but keeps getting cockblocked by younger women or superhero men she used to work alongside.
Just when she’s hitting rock bottom (and sitting in her house wearing pyjamas and eating ice cream), there’s a knock at the door. Judi Dench is standing there, and our heroine assumes it’s a charity collection.
“Oh no, dear,” Dench says, smiling. “We’ve come to recruit you.”
“Recruit me? For what?”
“To do what we do best: save the bloody world.”
And all at once she’s part of a covert ops team made of all the older women who have been retired and who currently are holding the reins of managing the world.
People say that sex hurts the first time you do it... but does it always have to? I've never had sex so I'm just wondering if there is something you can do to make it less painful?
NO NO NONONONONOOOOOONONSDKN;DFJNKGDFSVJKNFDVOJLKMDJBFDNDKKSLAMC,
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
NO.
Sorry, but no. SEX SHOULD NOT EVER BE PAINFUL. SEX SHOULD NOT BE PAINFUL THE FIRST TIME, THE LAST TIME, OR ANY OTHER TIME.
I know that we have this ridiculous lie going around our culture that penis-in-vagina sex should hurt the DFAB partner the first time you have it, but NO. It is such a horribly cruel lie.
The hymen (or vaginal corona) does not need to be “broken,” “torn,” “popped,” or “ripped.” The hymen is a thin band of tissue (kind of like stretchy skin) that usually runs around the inside of the vaginal canal in a ring. It should never tear or bleed. It can stretch happily with sufficient lubrication and preparation. Learn about the hymen here.See more photos of vulvas with hymens here.
The vagina isn’t disposable. You’re not born with it as tight as it will ever be, only to get stretched and loose with use throughout your lifetime. That’s just not how it works, because the vaginal canal is a muscle. It can squeeze tight or relax.Definitely read more about this here.
Dryness can cause pain during sex. If you are not excessively wet when you decide to have sex, either ask your partner to continue stimulating you first (sucking, licking, breathing on neck or ears, touching/sucking nipples, collarbones, stomachs, oral sex, fingering, rimming, etc) or use lube. There is no such thing as too much lube, and there is no such thing as not needing lube. You probably always need lube. Trust me, it’ll make it so much more fun. Types of lube here.
Anxiety, nervousness, not being ready can all contribute to pain during sex. If you’re not feeling it, listen to yourself and your body. If you have pain at any time when you have sex, stop having sex. Say to your partner, “Hey friend, can we slow it down for a sec? That’s kind of uncomfortable.” Or, “You know, I thought this was what I wanted, but it’s not satisfying me like when you go down on me. Can we do that instead?” Or, “I’m glad we tried this, but something’s not working right now. Let’s try again some other time.” Deciding to have sex.
Don’t forget that “sex” can mean a lot of different things, like touching or licking or touching yourself while someone else watches. Sex, even between people who have 1 vagina and 1 penis can include vibrators and dildos and strap-ons. Sex could mean giving each other mutual oral sex for the first year that you date, and after that it could be oral sex to orgasm for you, and then penis-in-vagina sex to orgasm for your partner. Or vice versa. There are so many components and possibilities, don’t think that once you move passed making out that you have to have a penis in your vagina.
So remember friends: SEX SHOULD NEVER HURT, ESPECIALLY NOT THE FIRST TIME. If it’s hurting, stop and try something else.
Adolf Hitler rose to power by promising to fix Germany and return it back to the powerful land it once was before the First World War, blaming Jews, primarily, for the downfall of their nation.
Donald Trump is rising to power by promising to fix America (‘Make America Great Again’) and return it back to the powerful land it once was, blaming Latinx and Chinese people for the downfall of the nation.
Hm.
SIGNAL BOOST THE SHIT OUT OF THIS WHY DOESNT THIS HAVE WAY MORE NOTES
Steve, Bucky, Natasha, Sam and Clint are discussing conspiracy theories and end up talking about the JFK assassination. Steve is adamant that it wasn’t an inside/CIA job. Natasha’s pretty sure the KGB had nothing to do with it. Clint is microanalyzing all the details like shot trajectory, line of fire, etc. Steve sees Bucky sitting off to the side Googling everything and wants to include him in the conversation, so he says, “Hey, Buck, who do you think shot President Kennedy?”
And Bucky just looks up and very quietly says, “I think I did.”
Netflix producers are looking for someone to play Buck, a teenage, Asian American trans boy.
Netflix has clearly heard the message: Use trans actors for transgender roles.
Here is the call:
NEW NETFLIX SERIES SEEKING ASIAN TRANSGENDER 14-15 YEAR OLD ACTOR (TRANSITIONING FROM FEMALE TO MALE)
**OK TO SUBMIT IF YOU LOOK THIS AGE BUT ARE OLDER.
The character will be a series regular on an upcoming Netflix series from filmmakers Zal Batmanglij and Brit Marling (The East, Sound of my Voice). Produced by Plan B (12 Years a Slave, The Departed) and Anonymous Content. It will shoot in January 2016 for a few months likely in LA.
**NO ACTING EXPERIENCE NECESSARY
**CAN BE FROM / CURRENTLY LIVING ANYWHERE
If you fit this description, please send your name, current picture, age, where you currently live, and contact info to LUNARCASTING@gmail.com
I literally CRIED when I saw this!!!! Asian transgender people will finally be represented!!!! PLEASE try out if you’re an Asian trans boy, you’ll make me so proud :“”‘0
At first Donald Trump was just a joke. “Oh, he’s just making an ass of himself, there’s no way he’ll become the next president,” “He’s too brash, how could anyone actually like him?” etc. But no, we’re now weeks away from the 2016 Presidential Election and there is a real fear spreading throughout the country that Donald Trump might actually become America’s next leader. He’s self absorbed, blatantly misogynistic, is not “honest,” instead he is rude, antagonistic, and ooze white supremacy. He is the epitome of what it means to be white and rich in this country. And yet… here we are.
A student tweeted everything wrong with Donald Trump in fifteen tweets, which you can read here. The following list is mostly a sourced version of that article, and more, so that you can fact check it yourself:
Imagine the Avengers getting hit with some sort of spell that makes them revert to their first language
and everyone expects to be unable to understand Natasha’s Russian or Thor’s Norse (Allspeak is great but it isn’t his first language according to the spell)
but then Steve starts spouting Gaelic, because he grew up speaking English in public but his immigrant mother taught him her own language first
Tony speaks either Spanish or Italian, because that’s what his first nannies spoke
and the spell considers ASL a language just as much as any spoken language, so Clint is just signing and making faces at people
and Bruce is just very confused (“Why do you expect me to be speaking a different language? I’m from Ohio.”)
The Vision flying around screaming “ZERO ONE ZERO ZERO ONE ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO ONE ZERO ZERO ZERO ONE ZERO ONE ZERO ONE ZERO ZERO ONE ONE ZERO ZERO ZERO ONE ZERO ONE ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO ONE ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO ONE ZERO ZERO ONE ONE ZERO ONE ZERO ONE ZERO ZERO ZERO ONE ZERO ONE ZERO ZERO ONE ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO ONE”
so today i found out that i’m allowed to carry a knife with me to school as long as it’s smaller than 3 ½ inches but i still can’t show my shoulders and if thats not a perfect description of american schooling idk what is
