Recovery tip: When someone says “You can call me any time”, take advantage of that. Actually call them when you’re having a bad day. That’s what they said they would be there for and it’s better than you having a relapse. A relapse can kill you; a friend could be yours for life.
I TELL THIS TO EVERYONE I CARE ABOUT AND NO ONE UTILIZES IT AND IT MAKES ME SO FRICKIN SAD
no one ever says that Rome needed help from aliens to build their empire
#l laughed for days when i found out that #ancient egyptians used water to reduce friction and move blocks for distances #and that this was literally DEPICTED ON THEIR HIEROGLYPHICS #but ~western archaeologists~ #thought that the pouring of water depicted ~superstitious rituals~ #jfc
As an archeology major, I can vouch for this being absolutely true:
Any time we see something we don’t understand, we mark it down as ritual purposes. It’s actually a catch-all euphemism for “We have absolutely no clue what these people were doing here yet so until we work it out we’ll pretend it was something to do with their religion.”
And yeah, sometimes it is a white people thing. When white people went into Canada the natives introduced them to the delights of maple syrup. The white people asked “Well, how did you ever work out this sap was edible and delicious.”
The native people responded, “Oh, well, Squirrel showed us.”
White people: Hahahaha They’re off on that totem animal spirit guide thing again.
It wasn’t until this century that scientists actually observed squirrels in that area cutting holes in sugar maples, waiting for the sap to crystallize, and eating it.
The native people were actually being literal and the white people thought they were being metaphorical. Sigh.
Reminder that Steve Rogers was born in 1920, and Bucky Barnes was born in 1917, which means that Steve was in his early twenties during the war, and Bucky was in his mid twenties. I know that they’re both portrayed by 30 year old men, but really? They probably looked more like these guys:
Don’t forget that Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes had to grow up way too
fast, not only because of the war, but because they were teenagers in
the Great Depression, they were part of an extremely marginalized group during a time of extreme tension, and the whole dead parents thing. Don’t forget that Steve and Bucky probably never got
to do dumb teenager things because they both had to do whatever work
they could to stay afloat and then a WAR happened.
Think about all that pressure once Steve was “Captain America” and became a propaganda piece. Think about the atrocities of war that they’d have seen. Think about the fact that they both faced death. Think about the fact that Steve’s best friend died. THINK ABOUT HOW THESE KIDSARE NOW SUDDENLY 95+ YEARS OLD. Think about Bucky, waking up and technically being maybe 27 and having to reconcile all the things HYDRA made him do as the Winter Soldier.
Peggy Carter was born in 1919. She is only a year older than Steve. She’s still in her twenties during Agent Carter, y’all. Let that sink in for a moment. She’s still in her twenties.
That flashback scene in The Winter Soldier with the “I’m with ya till the end of the line”? They were teenagers then. TEENAGERS.
REMINDER THAT THE MAIN CHARACTERS OF CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGERS WERE ALL CHILDREN.
THIS IS NOT EVEN IN THE FOOTNOTES ON THE LIST OF THINGS THAT ARE OKAY
“Kids love black holes the way they love T-Rex. And I think it’s because each of these entities can eat you. And anything that eats you, you give your highest respect.”—
Neil deGrasse Tyson, The Inexplicable Universe: Unsolved Mysteries (via
u know what women need to stop being embarrassed about their periods
need a tampon? ask your friend for one, even if there are boys around
replacing a pad? don’t bother hiding it on the way to the bathroom
u have cramps?? dont be afraid to tell your male teacher that you need to go to the nurse for a pain killer
you don’t have to apologize for talking about your period in front of men, if they’re uncomfortable they can go away but I have a feeling they’ll survive lol
can we just please stop making what almost every single woman goes through every single month as a way of ensuring the human race doesn’t go extinct into something taboo
That’s one thing I cannot stand. Gay people will refer to the LGBT community as the gay community, refer to LGBT rights as gay rights, refer to same gender marriage as gay marriage, but when a bi/pansexual person wants to call themselves gay all of a sudden using the word as an umbrella term becomes a major problem.
A white rich suburban mom called me a dropout and told her very young daughter (who made the comment I was working very hard) this is where she’d end up if she didn’t do well in school
Finally
I graduated top 10 from both high school and college to hear the dropout speech from a white suburban mom
It’s like a right of passage for working in service and retail jobs
Finally I am a true waitress
The AMERICAN WAITRESS
There is no one with less respect for service workers than the rich white suburban mom. They always have this shitty attitude and treat you like a literal slave. I have never had any other kind of person ask to see the manager.
Please do not stick your dick in someone’s ass and then put it in their pussy without wiping it off. That will cause a bacterial infection to the likes of which you’ve never seen. Love yourself as I have loved you.
YEA
People still reblogging this but for real do not do this shit. That bacterial infection can turn to a blood infection and your ass will die. All for some dick. You wanna die over some mediocre bootyass sex? Love yourself.
oh my god so i have a friend who’s a writer and we were talking about how hard writing is and at some point she said ‘‘well usually when i get stuck i kill somebody’‘ and it took at least 30 seconds of me staring at her and being absolutely terrified before i realized that she meant she killed characters and that my friend was not, in fact, a recreational murderer
does anyone else secretly have that “i liked it before it was cool” complex but wont admit it
it’s more along the lines of “you guys were fucking making fun of me for liking this before it was cool” kinda complex
Also a “I super excitedly tried to show this to you years ago and you brushed it off and now you think you introduced it to me and that is infuriating” kinda complex
Warning: I DO use dude, man, bruh, and bro as completely gender neutral terms, HOWEVER if I call you one of the above and it bothers you, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me.
I have been having an argument with a friend and he says that Marvel is for guys, please help me prove to him that there are lots of women who like Marvel!
this one time I ran a red light on mistake and I didn’t notice it was red until it was too late so I just ran the light screeching like an angry pterodactyl the entire time
a cop was at the intersection so he pulled me over and when he came up to my window he was wheezing cause he was laughing so hard and he said
“ok so i know you ran a red light and that’s really bad and you should never do it again but i’m not gonna give you a ticket cause that was the funniest thing i’ve ever seen and my partner can’t get out of the car cause he’s laughing so hard he’s about to pee himself”
i forgot that i’d had my window open when i ran the red light and the cop told me that all he heard from my car was this really high-pitched “screeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEAAAHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”
and that’s how i got out of getting a ticket for running a red light
this is my favourite story of all time and im probably going to reblog it many times throughout my blog’s lifetime
Shouldn't Steve be sterile too, really? Otherwise, what's the reason for why there's not an army of US government created Captain America kids running around? You'd think that'd be the next logical step when they realized they couldn't recreate the serum...
Well, since the serum is an enhancement, it’s unlikely to be passed through genetics (the doctors probably tested this, somehow, haha). Steve’s kids are more likely to inherit his asthma and weak stature.
why do all children know the floor is lava game do we all just learn it from older children and inadvertently share it with each other like some natural inevitable cycle why do children discover the floor and the concept of gravity and up and down and suddenly pretend to be afraid of it why do we play with the physical limitations of our world
Headcanon that the Ravenclaw door allows entry to those who willingly and humbly admit that they do not know the answer or that their answer is wrong, because having an open mind and awareness of the limits of your intellect is proof of wisdom.
Supplementary headcanon that there are a lot of good answers, because the door opens for good reasoning, good arguments, and the way your mind hacks away at the problem, not the actual answer itself.
Tertiary headcanon that the door will no longer open for puns, no matter how clever.
SCIENCE HAS CONFIRMED THAT DOGS LOVE US BACK BECAUSE THEY GET THE SAME RUSH OF OXYTOCIN WHEN THEY LOOK AT US THAT WE GET WHEN WE LOOK AT THEM
Are you telling me that dogs are looking up to us and think “omg what an adorable fucking cutiepie”?
a while ago I read an article about how dogs love us back, but recognize that we’re different from them, while cats see us as bigger and clumsier than them, but do not consider us different
Dogs: I am fuzzy creature and you are a different adorable creature and I love you!!!!! Cats: I am lanky and graceful and you are a giant mess
This is why cats occasionally try to bathe and feed us
It’s true; cats see us as giant dumb hairless babies. That’s why they bring us half-dead prey– to teach us how to hunt and eat properly. That’s why they attack when we rub their bellies– that’s how parent cats teach kittens to defend themselves. That’s also why they meow– cats communicate with other adults on a frequency we can’t hear, but meow at kittens because their ears aren’t fully developed. They even specialized a set of meows they use only for humans, because we are especially deaf babies.
But what about vampire history teachers. Vampires who read something from a text book then proceed to light the book on fire and throw it out the window because “No. that’s not even close to what really happened. Listen up nerds I’m about to teach you what really happened in France during the revolution”
Ladies, I am holding out my hand. Do you trust me?
I need you to open Google Maps. Locate your nearest mall. Get in your car. Drive to Yankee Candle.
Past the seasonal pumpkin display, near the back of the store, you will find a trash pile Man Candle section. You will see candles called MMM, Bacon!. Riding Mower. Man Town. (I’m not kidding. Man Town.) Stay strong. Not in this section, but likely very near this section, you will find a candle called Mountain Lodge.
Hold this jar in your hands like a talisman. Close your eyes and picture a man.
I want to be clear: I’m not talking about a Hugh Dancy. Or an Andrew Garfield, a Ben Whishaw, even a Tom Hiddleston. This exercise requires someone in the Chris Evans weight class. The Richard Armitage department. Someone with smile lines around his eyes who could chop the cedar for your bower with his own hands, strangle an alpha wolf, carry you home when you sprain your ankle in the woods, bench press your entire body. Picture this man in your mountain home with a full beard, a slightly grimy white henley, a fond half smile he reserves only for you. Now open the lid and smell Mountain Lodge.
Steady yourself on the man candle display. Give yourself a second. No, you’re not wrong. Yes, the Yankee Candle Company has just eliminated the need for men. This medium tumbler Mountain Lodge candle jar is now your boyfriend. The Yankee Candle Company has effectively replaced the need for contact with the male half of our species with a compact and clean-burning candle in a jar.
“Do you like this one?” the cashier asked, ringing me up. “Every man should be required by law to smell like what this candle smells like,” I replied intensely. “That’ll be $12.01,” she said.
MOUNTAIN LODGE
it literally smells like waking up on a cold night to find a bearded richard armitage adding another quilt to the bed before he gets back in and pulls you snugly against his chest
I’m not fucking around I feel like I should be watching chris hemsworth in flannel and suspenders whittling a delicate masterpiece in front of a fireplace rn
All right, Tumblr, I saw this post a few months ago and immediately realized I had to smell this candle. I have never in my life experienced such a burning need (pun intended) to smell what the Yankee Candle website described as a warm aroma of cedarwood and sage, but what Tumblr described as my new boyfriend.
The trouble is that nearest Yankee Candle Company store was a bit of a trek, and my schedule tended to prohibit this olfactory adventure.
So for the last few weeks, as I’d scroll my Tumblr dash and look at images of attractive manly men, I’d sigh and wistfully think, if only I could engage another sense with this image. If only I could I could truly fathom the ideal fragrance of this man.
And then this happened.
And I knew.
I knew whatever was happening, I needed to get to a Yankee Candle Company. The scent of Mountain Lodge would transport me instantly to this scene. The aroma of this infamous candle could make me live out a self-insertion Avengers fanfic.
So I got in my car, made the drive, and located the Yankee Candle Company. The store was crowded with holiday shoppers. My nose was immediately assaulted by hundreds of warring scents.
I battled through the sea of humanity and the Angel Wings-Merry Marshmallow-Magical Frosted Forest assault, buoyed on by my need to understand what Steve Rogers ripping a log in half with his bare hands smelled like.
I waded toward the back of the store, only to discover the man candle section seems to have been discontinued. What was I going to steady myself on, once I found my scented gateway to hanging out with the Avengers on Hawkeye’s farm? I felt lost, adrift, unable to find my bearings amid Soft Blanket-Fluffy Towels-Home Sweet Home.
And then… rising from the “Fresh” display, there it was.
Mountain Lodge.
It was the moment of truth. What would it be like to smell this infamous candle?
I opened the lid. I took a deep breath.
And I giggled.
Ah yes. This was it. This gentle, pleasantly masculine fragrance, in fact, reduced me to what I’d probably do in the actual presence of Chris Evans: giggle like an idiot.
The smell makes me smile, makes me laugh, makes me gently swoon: all reactions that, indeed, can be elicited by an ideal man. I can barely handle the true power of Mountain Lodge.
Several months have passed since this discovery. I have regaled friends with the saga, and after hearing of it, they, too, felt the burning need to smell the candle. One by one, we have all become Mountain Lodge converts.
In times of need, this candle is our refuge. Our group has developed escapist superpowers, infused by the Yankee Candle Company.
THE CANDLE, THE MYTH, THE LEGEND.
MOUNTAIN LODGE.
This is how you do advertisement
we love everything about all of this. We will always be there for you, just light your Mountain Lodge candle and know that our love burns bright for you.
The official Yankee Candle™ tumblr account has recognized the Mountain Lodge mythos. My work on the material plane is finally complete. A being of pure light, I slowly ascend to the aether.
