You were born on a ship at sea. No one survived the wreck but you. Or so you’ve been told.
Your father has been dead for months, and your mother has remarried. He still comes to dinner every night and sits in his usual chair. Nobody can see him but you.
Your last lover disappeared. They told you she died, but they never let you see the body. The statue in the churchyard looks just like her.
Your pale white hands are stained with red. You wash them and wash them and wash them, but they will never be clean.
You find an infant abandoned on the beach. Your country does not have a coastline. You do not know where this ocean or this infant came from, and you do not ask.
The owls and ravens shriek wordlessly in the night, but you ignore their warnings. They are always shrieking about something.
You visit a faraway city where you have never been before. Everyone there knows your name.
You wake up alone in the woods. You have no memory of how you got there. You hear fey fairy laughter and someone singing in the darkness. You feel woozy, as if you’ve been drugged.
A girl you loved once tries to return your letters, even though you never wrote her any. Clearly she belongs in a convent. You burst into her bedroom half-dressed to tell her so.
You are invited to a ball and you go, despite the strange feeling that Death will find you if you do. You wear a mask. Death is not fooled.
Your young cousins went to visit their uncle last month. He says they never arrived, but you saw them playing in the garden. Nobody else has seen them since.
It is time for you to be married, but first your suitors must answer a riddle. If they guess wrongly, they die. Your love cannot save them.
There is a storm on the heath. You do not know what a heath is, and you do not care. You are mad. You are naked. You are dancing in the rain. The storm never ends.
does anyone else get really anxious during the weekends because you’re aware of how poorly you’re spending your free time and you know that there’s something more productive you could be doing, but you just can’t think of anything so you continue to be on the computer
Having grown up in DC, statues of various dead guys on horses are basically background radiation, or they were before I became Hamilton trash and started noticing them again. Now it’s like every time I turn around there’s a Founding Father looking at me like I personally disappointed him, and it’s getting a little unnerving.
Although: as a result, I sort of want to write a magical realism thing where that can really happen. Where if you do something they would have disagreed with strongly enough, the statues climb down off their columns and lumber down Mass Ave to the Russell Building or the Capitol, where they stand on the sidewalk, arms crossed, glaring into the window of whoever’s just introduced legislation that offended them. They don’t speak, or attack anyone, or damage anything– well, they do tend to bump their heads on low-handing streetlights, sometimes, but that doesn’t count. Mostly they just stand there, mournful, accusing, for everyone to see.
Sometimes lawmakers can talk them around, convince them they’re not actually betraying the political ideals of their predecessors. Politicians who are good at this tend to have much, much longer careers than the ones who aren’t. Politicians who piss off the wrong statues seldom get reelected.
George Washington rarely budges, and when he does it’s front-page news, nationwide. Madison’s always been easier to talk around than most. Hamilton spend more time off his plinth than on it, but he cools off fast. Jefferson holds grudges, to the point that hardly anyone worries too much about making him mad.
It’s not just politicians, either, and they don’t always come to life in anger. Joan of Arc’s bronze horse will shiver to life in Malcolm X Park, sometimes, and carry her off to join protest marches, when she thinks their cause is just. Gandhi walked with Iraq War protestors. The Spirit of American Womanhood, outside Constitution Hall, danced on the day that Roe v. Wade was decided, and when Obergefell vs. Hodge went through, Eleanor Roosevelt taught a clumsy Lindy to Baron von Steuben.
Lincoln has only risen from his seat once since he was put there in 1922, and that was to nod in solemn approval at LBJ from the White House lawn.
Some cities rarely put up statues, and many have taken theirs down. Paris has a great many artists and writers memorialized, and curiously few politicians. In London, during the Blitz, Nelson shinned down his column to help dig people out of collapsed buildings, until he was broken to pieces himself; he stands atop the column again today, reassembled, but has never moved since. In the last moths of the Soviet Union, a desperate Communist Party had the statues of Moscow chained in place. These days, Monument Avenue in Richmond is punctuated with a long series of empty plinths and bare columns.
even if you get along great with your family you will get along even better with them after moving out
generic is almost always just as good as name brand. But there are some things you never buy generic, including: peanut butter, ketchup, liquid NyQuil, Chips-Ahoy chewy chocolate chip cookies
just imagine the person on the other end of the phone hates talking on the phone as much as you do. Even a receptionist. I worked as one and I hate talking on the phone
at least once in your life you will go to Wal-mart to buy something under $20 like an ironing board or something and your debit card will get rejected. No one will judge. Everyone at some point in their lives has had $2.98 in their bank account.
thrift stores
everyone else is too busy panicking about everyone else noticing every tiny thing that could possibly be wrong about them to notice any tiny thing that could possibly be wrong about you
you will screw up. a lot. you live and you learn. and when you start to think too hard about that embarrassing thing that happened and how you wish you could change it, just tell yourself that what’s done is done. There’s no changing it, so just forget it and move on. It’s the only way to stay sane.
do the dishes before the sink grows its own ecosystem
you can’t put Dawn dishsoap in the dishwasher.
if you are the only one in the aisle at the grocery store, and you need to get from one end to the other without even looking at anything in that aisle, then you should totally cart-surf down the aisle. Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional. Hold on to the little things. They make all the difference.
never try to make cake from scratch at 3am. You end up with a topographical map of Middle Earth.
15% tip.
the best way to get money for food is to tell your grandparents about how you basically live on microwaved mac and cheese. Their horror may result in twenty bucks and orders to go out and get yourself “a real dinner”.
sometimes life sucks, and knowing that it might get better doesn’t always make it suck any less, but you’ll never get to the non-sucky days without enduring the suckiness.
no seriously, NEVER put Dawn in your dishwasher
Do not buy generic brand spaghetti sauce either.
Always check the type of light bulb that goes in lamps. A 60w is not interchangeable with a 40w.
Dollar store batteries work just as well as store brand.
Reward yourself from time to time when you do things that you needed to get done. It’s a good way to remind yourself to do them. Going out to pay a bill? Get Starbucks or something you don’t get often. Rewards don’t have to be huge, they can be small things like that.
Rice, pasta, flour, sugar, cheese, eggs, milk, a pack of chicken, a pack of frozen veggies and a well stocked spice cabinet go a long way food-wise. Splurge and get the biggest container of rice you can. You don’t have to go back and buy it again anytime soon and it makes a TON of meals in the meantime.
Rice can be cooked on the stove. You don’t need a fancy rice cooker. Two parts water to every one part rice (two cups water for one cup of rice for example). Get your water boiling, add rice, put a plate or lid on it, put it on low for 20 minutes. It should be done.
Keep a calendar on your pc of bill due dates. If your bills are set up at inconvenient times, like all of the services started on the first or something, then call up the company and find out if you can get your billing date switched to something more manageable. A lot of places do try to work with you.
There is no shame in calling a company and asking for an extension on a bill. Let them know what you can pay, pay that amount, and they arrange when the rest of the payment is required. This can stop you from having services shut off man. It shows responsibility on your part.
Take time to eat, even when you don’t feel like eating. Your body needs energy to live.
Wash or rinse your dishes before putting them in the dishwasher. It prevents gross caked on junk.
“The Works” is an excellent cheap toilet cleaner.
MAGIC. FUCKING. ERASERS. THEY WORK ON EVERYTHING JUST DON’T SCRUB HARD. I took the ring out of our bathtub with one. Also generic ones work just as well.
Keep some bleach around but if you use it for cleaning? Dillute it. There’s rarely ever a case where you need to pout straight bleach on anything. A cap full or two in a bucket of water works just fine.
DO NOT MIX CLEANERS. Chemical reactions are can be very dangerous. Here’s a good list. (Note that vinegar and baking soda can actually be a good combo for removing smells from things but it’s not very good at actually -cleaning-.)
If you drink? Don’t take meds at the same time it’s just not good.
Make sure you check the dosages on your pill bottles. No one wants to accidentally overdose on cough syrup or ibuprofen.
If you have a uterus make sure you have a heating pad and ibuprofen on hand for the pain. Hot baths also generally help and Ginger Tea is excellent for any nausea.
Buy a first aid kit. It’s worth it in the long run.
You can often do your taxes online at places like TurboTax.
Petroleum jelly (aka Vaseline) is good for chapped lips and you can get a decent sized tube or tub of it (generic brand version) for cheaper/same price as Chapstick.
KEEP TRIPLE ANTIBIOTIC OINTMENT IN YOUR HOUSE FOR CUTS AND SCRAPES AND SORES.
~~Medications~~
Over the counter medications (stuff you can buy right off the shelf no prescription needed) have a name brand and a generic name. ALWAYS buy generic if it’s available it is literally the same thing and way cheaper usually.
Some names to remember when you’re looking for meds!
Acetaminophen = Tylenol
Used to treat pain and reduce fever. Do not take with Ibuprofen.
Ibuprofen = Advil, Midol, Motrin
Used for pain and fever, is an anti-inflammtory. Is good for period cramps because it is an NSAID (non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug).
Naproxen = Aleve, Naprosyn
Treats fever, pain, arthritis pain, gout, period cramps, tendinitis, headache, backache, and toothache. Is also an NSAID.
Acetaminophen + Asprin + Caffeine = Excedrin
Usually marketed as “Migraine Relief” as a generic.
Asprin = Bayer
Use for pain, fever, arthritis, and inflammation. Makes you bleed easily so should not be used for periods. Might reduce risk of heart attacks.\
Triple Antibiotic Ointment = Neosporin
Used on cuts, sores, and scrapes to reduce risk of infection and promote healing.
Also a general mutli-vitamin isn’t a bad idea and if you don’t get a lot of fruits or milk/sunshine in your diet you might want to get vitamins C and D specifically for daily use.
if you do accidentally lapse and put dawn in your dishwasher, run it empty and put hair conditioner where the detergent goes. that’ll clean it out (tip given to me by dorm custodian when roommate did the thing).
if you live off ramen, add stuff to it! add veggies you like, don’t use the whole flavor packet to cut down on sodium and msg or don’t use it at all and add your own spices.
if you’re making something with potatoes in it (beans, stew) potatoes are done when you can easily stab a fork through them.
you can microwave a hotdog as long as you put it in a microwave safe container of water. microwaves work by making water molecules vibrate. also, when reheating rice leftovers, add a small amount of water, like maybe a spoonfull, so it doesn’t get hard and crunchy.
the rice cooking advice above is for long grain rice. if you’re making short or medium grain rice, a 1:1 ratio (one cup water for one cup rice) is better, so the rice doesn’t come out too mushy.
buy a few cans of chicken. wholesale club stores like sam’s, costco, or bj’s tend to carry multipacks for a good price. they’re incredibly useful for when you forget to defrost meat.
buy meat on sale and put it in the freezer. buy vegetables on sale, and put them in the freezer. frozen veggies are often as flavorful and good as fresh ones, keep longer, and often come in microwaveable bags or with microwave directions.
soak ink stains in milk to help get them out or at least lighten them.
soak blood stains in water as soon as possible, with a bit of detergent or stain remover. scrub at them. use cold water, heat binds proteins to fabric. tbh, there’s no real need to change the washer from cold-cold setting unless the thing you’re washing says to wash in warm water.
acetone, found in most nail polish removers, dissolves super glue.
YOU’RE ALL DOING GOD’S WORK BLESS YOU
Takes pictures, have prints made and put them in photo albums. Be IN the pictures, have someone take pictures of you and your friends. Get over not looking perfect in thw picture. Someday that friend might be gone and those pictures might be all you’ll have, you will want to be in them. I made that mistake with my best friend, i always felt weird asking for a picture together… he died of cancer January of 2014 and now i have no pictures of us together. Its my only regret in life.
This is really helpful, thank you all!
I’m the newest of new adults but I’m gonna throw these little tips in there. IF YOU HAVE AN OLD CAR:
-coolant or water if your car overheats (coolant is preferable cause it won’t hurt the engine in the long run but hey i know money is tight)
-flashlight in case you break down at night and need to check under the hood and your phone is dead
-SPARE TIRE.
-jumper cables.you will at some point leave your lights on. you just will.
AAA or any other road side service is never a bad investment i swear. (try to mooch it off your parents as long as you can though)
Know how to change a tire. You’re going to need to do it at some point in time and you can’t always rely on someone else to do it for you.
Don’t be afraid to go to your local food bank. They are there for a reason.
Don’t be ashamed to ask for help period. Life is hard, everyone needs help occasionally.
You can put a LOWER wattage bulb in a lamp that says it’s for a higher one, but don’t put a HIGHER wattage bulb in. Also, watts refer to the amount of electricity used. LUMENS refers to the amount of light put out, and can vary quite a bit between brands, even though the wattage is the same. Look for the one with the highest lumens unless you actually want a slightly dimmer bulb in a certain location.
Those dollar store batteries? Fine if they’re alkaline. “Heavy-duty” batteries, however, won’t last nearly as long.
You can microwave a hot dog and bun simply by wrapping them in a toweling for a minute, less if you don’t want them scalding hot.
Reblogging to save lives.
Two adulting (kitchen-related) tips from me!
1. Buy a roll of parchment paper from the cooking shit aisle. A big roll will last you for-fucking-ever. Pretty much any time you’re using a baking pan you can line it with that stuff and save yourself A: food sticking to the pan and B: it’s a quick rinse and it’s clean.
2. Bread can get fucking expensive, so make your own. A bigass bag of flour and a bag of active dry yeast (store it in the friiiiidge!!!) works out a FUCK of a lot cheaper than buying bread at the store, and you can do so much more with it. Bread, pizza, rolls, cinnibuns, homemade pizza pockets. It seems intimidating but it’s stupid easy.
Seriously. It’s stupid simple to make, and most of the “3 hours” to make it is sitting around surfing the internet or doing whatever the fuck you want while the dough rises. If you have an afternoon free once a week to sit and play video games or surf the net, you have the time to make your own bread on the cheap. Here’s my simple-as-fuck recipe:
2 ¼ teaspoons active dry yeast (You can buy a bag of this stuff CHEAP in bulk stores, the little packets are hella stupid priced) 1 cup warm water (think a hot bath) 1 ½ teaspoons sugar 2 tablespoons oil (any kind works for the most part) 2 ¼ cups flour 1 teaspoon salt
1. Stir the yeast, water, sugar, and oil up in a bowl. Let it sit for about 10 minutes. It will foam up VERY high, this is the yeast getting happy! If it doesn’t get all foamy, the water may have been too hot or not hot enough. Remember, Yeast is alive! Treat it like a nice girlfriend!
2. Mix your flour, salt, and the yeast concoction up in a bowl.
3. Knead that shit for about 5 minutes. It will start sticky as heck, but will come together into a nice dough. If it’s still super sticky, toss in a bit more flour. Here’s how to knead it:
4. Put your dough in a covered, lightly oiled bowl and leave it someplace warmish for an hour. At that point it will have roughly doubled in size, give it a gentle punch to release the gasses that have built up inside. Cover it again and let it sit for a bit longer.
Boom. You have bread dough. Here are some baking times and uses for ya:
Optional egg-wash: Just crack an egg into a bowl, add a pinch of salt, and mix the bejeebus out of it with a fork. Brush (or if you’re like me, goop it on with said fork) that shit thinly on bread before baking for a nice crust.
Pizza: Stretch it on a pan, stab the fucker all over with a fork, add toppings, bake 425*F 15-20 minutes.
Bread Sticks: Make snake-shapes, let rest on pan 10-ish minutes, bake 400*F 10-20 minutes.
Dinner rolls: Make ball-sized (yes those balls) balls. Place on greased pan, let rest 10-20 minutes to rise. Egg-wash and bake 375*F 25 minutes.
Bread: Lightly score (cut) the top, let sit for 20-ish minutes on/in whatever you’re using to bake it, egg-wash, bake at 375*F for 20-ish minutes. It’s done when it sounds hollow if you knock on the bottom.
You bet your ass you can deep-fry this shit for cheapie yeast doughnuts. Roll that shit in sugar or dip it in whatever, it’s fucking tasty.
Bagels: YES. YOU. CAN. Form bagel-shapes out of the dough and boil them in salty water for about 2 minutes. Egg-wash them and bake them at 400*F for 10 minutes.
Cinnamon Rolls: Roll that shit out into a rectangle. Brush it with a mix of butter, cinnamon, sugar, and a pinch of salt (no exact amounts here, do it to your taste). Roll it up into a log, and cut it into discs. Let them sit 20 minutes in a pan and then bake at 375*F 15-17 minutes.
You can add whatever you want to the dough for some variety, just if it’s dried spices remember you really only need 1-ish tablespoons. I personally like making bread with about 1 tablespoon of dill in the dough. Roll it out flat, sprinkle it with cheddar, roll it into a log, squeeze the ends shut, and bake it like a regular loaf of bread. Cheesy dill bread OMNOMNOM.
*ahem* That got a bit long. But yeah. Bread’s expensive, yo. Save your wallet.
(Also it’s ridiculous amounts of therapeutic to bake, for me anyway)
Being able to bake your own bread is pretty awesome, if you got the time for it.
Pro tip for people who suffer from period cramps (or any other kind of pain that’s hard to manage with standard ibuprofen/acetaminophen) and still have to function: Advil Liqui-Gels. You can buy like 200 for 20 bucks, they kick in in like 15 minutes, and they work really well. My roommate and I both have killer cramps, and she has JRA (juvenile rheumatoid arthritis). Advil Liqui-Gels, and it’s worth the extra money to buy the name brand.
Other basic medical stuff:
bit of caffeine might help your migraine (I can’t guarantee it, but it’s worth a try)
always hold the knife away from you when you’re cutting things so that you don’t risk severing the tendons in your palm (just trust me, you don’t have the money for that medical bill)
things that should really be handled by a medical professional even if you don’t have the money include: broken bones, penetrating wounds, heavy blows to the head, alcohol poisoning/drug overdose, dislocations, fever over about 101 F (38 C), and serious hemorrhage (loss of blood)
you can call the paramedics and you won’t be charged until you’re in the ambulance being driven to the hospital, you also have the right to refuse care at any time as long as you are cogent and competent to make your own decisions (NOTE: blows to the head render you non compos due to the potential for concussion)
if you get a nasty cut, apply pressure over a towel of something to stop the bleeding, wash it out with running water, put something like Neosporin on it, and ask someone for help putting a bandaid on it
buy a cheap aloe plant, it’s easier to snap off a leaf every once in a while than shell out for burn cream and it’s really hard to kill aloe
relatedly: if you burn yourself and you’re still feeling that burning sensation, it’s because your cells are still being damaged–run it under cold water (DO NOT ICE IT) until you can take your hand out and you don’t feel the burning
Also: no one is good at everything. This is okay. You are still worth everything you do for yourself even if biology or math or foreign languages aren’t your skill. That’s why we’re a social species, so that the things I’m good at can supplement the things you’re not, and vice versa.
Honestly in the afterlife rn ghost Alexander Hamilton has probably put a framed photo of Lin-Manuel up and everytime they have their ghost friends over he’s just like “You see this man? He’s a good man. A true America hero.”
“villain attempts to go back in time to kill superman as a small child, gets shot in the face by ma kent, who buries him behind the barn with the others” would probably have niche appeal as a comic but i don’t care, i want it
The first time a man from the future showed up at Martha Kent’s house, Clark Kent was two years old.
According to his birth certificate, anyway. She just kind of accepted that the details were a little fudged. Relativity, and all.
Maybe the stranger would have succeeded in whatever it was he wanted to do, except that he really did just show up. Appeared, like a ghost made flesh, right in the backyard. Clark, thank goodness, was out in the fields with Jonathan. He couldn’t bear to be alone, that boy, and they could never bear to leave him.
Which left Martha free to shoot the ghostly intruder in the face.
Martha had not always considered herself a shoot first, ask questions later sort of a person. But that was before she found a baby in a spaceship where her corn was supposed to be.
They’d switch off, Jonathan and her, who got Clark and who got the shotgun. Martha got the shotgun more often than not. Guns made her husband uncomfortable. She was hardly a fan, but she’d always been a terrible pacifist. Too determined to defend herself.
The sight of all that blood and brain and bone was still nauseating. She compartmentalized, told herself it was no different from slaughtering a cow; didn’t think about riot gear or tear gas or the friends she’d lost or all the things she’d moved away from when her heart couldn’t take it any longer. This was different. This was her son.
She prodded the corpse with her foot. It remained a corpse. A real nasty looking corpse, all big and burly and holding a gun much too large. She didn’t like making assumptions based on appearances, but she didn’t imagine he’d been coming for anything nice. She bent down to search his pockets, found a metal wallet and flipped it open.
Born 2018.
Well, hell. Wasn’t that just a kick in the pants?
Probably she ought to have been a bit more unsettled than she was. But she’d been waiting two years for someone to show up on her doorstep, men in black or UFOs or something. Hell, she’d half expected her sweet little boy to hatch into something worse.
Just because she brought home space babies didn’t mean she was a damn fool.
Jonathan had rejoined her in long strides, was holding Clark in such a way that he couldn’t see the corpse on the ground. “Well, shit,” he said.
“Eyup,” Martha agreed.
“Don’t look government.”
“Nope.”
“We burying him?”
“I’ll bury him,” Martha said, standing up. “You get Clark inside and read him a book or something. I don’t want him seeing any of this, getting him messed up in the head.”
“You sure? Looks heavy.”
“That’s why we have a wheelbarrow. I’ll stick him out behind the barn, might as well keep all our secrets in one place.”
Martha had a long time to think as she dug a time traveler’s grave. There were a lot of reasons someone might travel back in time trying to kill her kid. The first was her instinct as a mother, which was: he was a fucking asshole. Who killed a kid? Fucking assholes, that was who.
Now, it was also possible that her sweet little boy grew up to be some kind of space Hitler. She didn’t think she’d raise that kind of a kid, but she didn’t suppose there was any parent who set out to raise a Hitler.
Still didn’t sit right with her. She didn’t much like the idea of killing baby Hitler, either.
okay I know that there are terrible terrible people out there but listen
I also know that there are people who stop and smile at tiny plants growing out of sidewalk cracks, people who laugh so loud they snort, people who compliment others randomly, people who take pictures of their friends because they love seeing their friends happy, people who ramble about things that they’re passionate about, people who blush and stutter, people who are kind, people who are warm, people who love and love and love and love.
also, i want to apologize to people whose messages were ever ignored by me or took me ages to reply to. i have no excuses, i’m just shit at communicating and a lot of time get stuck in my own head, postpone replying and then either forget about it or think that it is too late to reply. i’m sorry if i’ve ever made someone feel bad bc of this - honestly, it’s never personal, it’s just me and my inner problems. i will try harder to work on it. thank you for ever initiating conversations with me ♥
vaginal hygiene & health - an introductory crash course
pass this on to spread knowledge whether you have one or not, #save-a-coochie
- the vagina is the tubular ‘internal’ sex organ that some people have. - the ‘vulva’ is the set of external sex organs that people with vaginas have. it includes (but not only):
pubic mound
labia minora and majora (inner/outer ‘lips’)
clitoris and clitoral hood
vulval vestibule (found in between your labia minora)
urethra (where you urinate from)
vaginal opening
-vaginas naturally contain a balance of different bacterias. this bacteria protects the vagina from external bacteria and fungus, provides natural disinfectants and maintains a healthy vaginal pH of 3.5-4.5.
-vaginal pH varies from person to person, day to day, depending on your cycle, your diet and many other external factors,
-all vaginas have a scent. all of them. no two people smell exactly the same, and you shouldn’t expect your vagina (or anyone else’s) to smell fruity or floral.
- if your worried about your scent, you can place perfume or an essential oil to an area around your vulva but not on it. some places like between your thighs or on your lower stomach, for example,
-your body secretes natural fluids called discharge. discharge is how your vagina self cleanses. it is completely normal and vital to healthy vaginal function.
-discharge can vary in amount, color, texture and scent depending on your cycle. each person is different. if your discharge is unusual or abnormal to you and your unique body - visit a doctor if possible.
-abnormal discharge can be green, grey, very yellow, smelly, itchy, chunky, etc.
-abundant discharge can be annoying. you can remove excess discharge in your shower by inserting one clean finger into your vagina, moving it from one side to another and ‘scooping’ the discharge out. repeat as needed. this reduces the amount of discharge found on your panties and in turn, reduces vaginal scent.
- dead skin cells and oil can build up between your clitoris and your clitoral hood, so it’s important to lift your hood up and rinse thoroughly so it doesnt harden.
-washing your “external” vulvar areas such as your public mound and outer lips is okay, though some may find skin here more sensitive.
-don’t douche. you may think it helps but it only masks any problems while causing more. douching throws of your flora, alters your PH and forces bacteria into your cervix.
-water and a soft, clean wash cloth is all you need to clean your vulvar areas that contain a mucous membrane. you do not need to wash these areas. applying soaps or cleaners to these areas removes of natural necessary lubricants and bacteria. this may cause irritation, inflammation, major discomfort and dryness. some amount of moistness should always be present.
-a vast majority of vaginal washes, even those touted as hypoallergenic, still contain dyes and fragrances which are known irritants. read the label.
-while Summer’s eve is a lesser of evils with a PH of 3.0 - 3.5 (still not quite correct), it is still a cleanser. vaginal washes are used to cleanse “bad” bacteria from your vulva. they also wash away the “good” bacteria needed to maintain a healthy balance.
-castile soaps (like Dr. Bronner’s) has a pH of about 8.9. these are not suggested.
-never insert any cleansing agents into your vagina.
-the information above applies to any gels, deodorants, perfumed products and wipes, too. these can all disturb your natural balance.
-while they still pose a possible risk of irritation, unscented baby wipes are the lesser of evils regarding “freshening up”.
-pay attention to your irritants and triggers. different people, different reactions
-everyone has different stances and different methods that work for them. if you aren’t experiencing vaginal discomfort or odd changes, you don’t have to discontinue certain product use. i do, however, recommend a trial period of leaving these products alone due to their effects on your vagina.
-allow your vagina to breathe. keep too-tight clothing to a minimum. cotton panties are the best option next to not wearing any at all. rotate the washcloth and towels you use to clean and dry your vagina.
-urinating after masturbation or sex reduces the amount of bacteria in your urethra wiping ‘front to back’ keeps rectal bacterial away from your vagina.
-naturally, food alters your vagina. balancing your diet in general and including things like pineapples, strawberries, yogurt, soy (the list goes on!) can influence your pH.
-beverages like water, cranberry juice and pineapple juice are also proven to improve vaginal health, and may even improve taste.
-adding a probiotic supplement can increase the amount of “good” bacteria called lactobacillus-your vagina.
-the less ideal your vaginal balance/pH is, the more vulnerable you are to infections and STDs.
-when it comes to internet home remedies, your mileage my vary. try everything with caution and research thoroughly.
cheers! your vagina will thank you.
Please don’t be an immature 12 year old and be like “ew that’s about a vagina I’m not reblogging that that’s gross!” It is literally a body part It needs to be kept healthy People with vaginas need to understand how to keep them healthy Just reblog
what the fuck dude this is awesome i want this too now
Okay, but what about those deep sea fish that produce light at a wavelength that *only they can see.* Predators that can somehow sense you in a completely undectable and unfathomable manner to you; they might as well be psychic.
YES, EXACTLY–vision is SUCH an asspull?? Sometimes it’s “"dark”“ and we can’t see anything. And also we’re impaired for plot reasons! Sometimes ALIEN WEAPONRY or otherwise-innocuous ship components are ”“too bright”“ and we yell and try to hide, subject to some sort of obscure, tortuous imperative. The rest of the time we can UNERRINGLY tell when anyone is trying to play pranks on us, the names and emotional/physical status of EVERY SINGLE BEING IN THE ROOM (or, when outside civilized warrens, ”“line of sight”“)–and yes, of course, can’t forget about our nigh-mythical fighting arts revolving around insane dodging skills.
And SNIPING. And also, god, fuck–don’t forget about completely arbitrary “”””atmospheric disturbances””” (fog, smoke–the new “ionic interference”) ALSO plottasatically rendering our abilities moot.
Plus, some people have more powerful Vision than others, but some people have a very short effective range of Vision. However, humans have come up with devices that “change the angles of refraction” of the “light” so that the naturally impaired have their skills enhanced–but they can always be knocked off their faces or be broken.
Also some people are terrible at normal Vision work, but have excellent night vision and are skilled at working under adverse conditions.
Oooh, and human art is almost entirely Vision based. Think about non-seeing aliens trying to access the majority of human art!
IM!!! SCREAMING!!! GLASSES. Glasses are SUCH another great Weird Alien Gimmick. God–you get all used to your Human friend and their bizarre abilities, you just start to really trust in and rely on them in tight places and problem-solving a little bit, then you get fucken marooned on a fucken planetoid somewhere and they just in this very small little voice, after you have pulled them from the wreckage and sat down to go over your options, inform you that they’ve lost their glasses.
Oh my god and an episode where we’re up against Evil Humans and our heros turn to their humans like ‘you can see them, right, you can tell when they’re near? you can counter them?’ and our hero is genuinely shaken and worried— they’ve got high-tech military mechanical enhancers, the devices strapped to their heads let them see anywhere, they can operate in near-absolute ‘darkness’, they can operate in near-lethal ‘brightness’, they can see through walls— not doors, not glass, but walls.
Then we have a heroic scene where the crew’s human is the scrappy, desperate underdog for once instead of the cool and collected superbeing. It is super cool. The human and the captain probably mack wildly on one another in medbay after this. Roll credits.
Person 1: I dunno, dude. This ‘light’ stuff sounds like a bunch of mumbo jumbo to me. I mean, how do we know it’s even real?
Person 2: Seriously, how can something be a wave and a particle? That doesn’t even make sense.
Mysterious Human: Even if you cannot perceive the light, you can feel its warmth–
Person 1: Oh my god, please shut it with the mystical hoo-hah. You’re insufferable.
Mysterious, somewhat exasperated Human: the ‘light’ enters the sensitive paired apertures in our faces, passing through biological lenses and chambers to stimulate specific nerves we call ‘rods’ and ‘cones’. one set of nerves tells us the volume of light we’re perceiving, while the other estimates the wavelength frequency. the total input creates in our mind a continuous sonarscape of immense complexity, where we can perceive ‘textures’ that are impossible to understand with mere sound or touch. this is why my people’s communication devices are small, flat, silent boards: we ‘read’ the patterns of light they emit as language and ‘watch’ the patterns of light they emit as sonarscapes.
Captain: okay…. sounds fake, but okay…
And they just keep on making up new bullshit rules for how light works, like
Navigator: Warp drive engaged. We are approaching 90% of the Lorentz limit.
Human: What now?
Navigator: Oh, uh, it’s really complex, but lemme try. So, matter can only move so fast through space, right? Like absolutely, nothing can ever ever possibly go faster than like about 3 hundred million meters per second–
Human: Ah yes. The speed of light.
Navigator: …oh for fuck’s sake.
Captain: My god! Time! Has… frozen!
Human: Fuuuuuuuuck.
Captain: What?
Human: Remember how light is a wave and a particle?
Captain: Yes, we mention this every episode.
Human: Yeah, light’s frozen along with everything else. I can’t see shit.
Captain: My god! Our sonar doesn’t work either! The soundwaves— they can’t propagate through this frozen air! We’ll have to use just our whiskers!
Human: Fuuuuuuuuck.
The fanfiction for this show has to be amazing.
“Shh. Don’t try to hide your needs, Captain,” Hue Mann soothed. “My sight has told me all about your traumatic memories of the war.”
“What?” Captain gasped. “But…how…?”
“The light knows all,” explained Hue. “Time slows down at the speed of light. It sees all of the past..and all of the future.”
“And what is it telling you now?” questioned the Captain.
Hue leaned in close. “It tells me, ‘Mate with them now, you lovestruck fool!”
“Damn you, Hue Mann. Damn you and your penetrating ‘eyes.’”
“Oh,” breathed Hue, voice husky and sexual. “That’s not all my eyes can…penetrate.”
goddamn, you people amaze me.
I love the idea that the protag species has telepathy as ‘boring normal standard’ senses and they can’t understand why human thoughts seems so strange, fragmented, occasionally blank… until they realise that a great of human thought is ‘visual’ and so can’t be heard…
“Lori, what do your Human eyes see?”
“Coupla billboards, and it looks like it might rain.”
This keeps getting better
This is so cute. Your human crewmember is getting a crush on another human. Time to observe the humans’ weird yet endearing courtship rituals.
“Tell me all about them! What do you like about them?”
“Well, they have these amazing eyes…”
“Yeah? Better at the the wavemapping thing than yours?”
“…I don’t know how good their eyes are at seeing. They’re just this beautiful shade of brown.”
“Wait. You wavemap each other’s wavemapping organs? And have opinions about what nice frequencies they refract the waves at?”
“Yes? What’s so strange about this?”
“I thought your ‘vision’ was passive. Do you listen to each other’s ears too? And like the smell of each other’s noses?”
“Like you’ve never touched someone’s whiskers with your whiskers.”
So my blood kin family is messed up. In a way, I’ve often wondered “if only my family were addicted to something, I could blame the substance for the way they treat the people they’re related to, but no, this is just how they act. All the time. To people they’ve allegedly pledged affection and allegience to.” So, fucked up family, but I have learned over the years that there are lots of us who come from fucked up families, like we have jackets and could actually form our own country of survivors of fucked up families. Anyway, the way my blood kin deals with family members who buck the system is they metaphorically set them on fire and toss them overboard into the icy cold wilderness to let them sort themselves out alone. I was the first that said “fuck this” and flip over their own board game of “just how much can I make you twitch.” Yeah, I spent many years with the smell of my charred life lingering in my nostrils and making my eyes itch. But then, over the following years, there were other members of the family who were similarly burned and, because I would not go quietly into that dark smoky night, I became known as the “Burn Ward.” I’m proud of that. One of my beloved members of our Burn Ward was charred crisp, fiercely, and nearly gave up any reason to live when they came out. I love them and feel so fiercely proud of them and the one sibling - their parent - who stood by them and held them close, even when the flames consumed them both. Four years later, they both live their lives, speak honest words, and can share in love that they had been too broken to express. I am so proud of them. So fucking proud of them. And I want to shout into the darkness “You shall not overcome us!”
THIS IS MY MOM GUYS.
SHE’S THE BEST GUYS.
LOVE HER.
ALSO SHE GIVES GREAT ADVICE FOR DEALING WITH TERRIBLE PEOPLE. SO HIT HER UP.
Yes, Plan B is less effective at higher BMI’s, but please, for the love of God stop saying it’s not effective at all, because all you do is make people decide they may as well not use anything when it does still lower the chances of conception.
It is less effective, not ineffective. It is better than nothing if it’s the only thing you have access to at that moment.
my favorite part of the “are you giving me attitude, spock” scene is that i imagine the starfleet brass was like “kirk has spock as first officer? good, maybe spock will rub off on him” and their simultaneous and dawning horror that the exact opposite has happened
Top 5 headcanons, preferably Stevebucky related but really any marvel ones actually :)
1. Steven Grant “Old Man” Rogers (“Well golly gee,” he bitches, deadpan)
2. Steve & Nat having to share warmth on some kind of cold weather mission (please take a moment to picture Tasha curled up and huddled in his huge man arms because they’re best friends I’m dying)
3. Actual New Yorker Steve Rogers. Occasional rage when driving an actual car. Yelling at cabs when they almost run him over and/or splash water in his direction. (“WHADDAYA DOIN, HUH? JESUS!”) Pastrami on rye. If the cheesecake isn’t six inches tall it isn’t a goddamn cheesecake. Balking at Chicago style pizza, which he actually may not have known about, considering it was first made when he was at war. Super nice to tourists. Super disgusted when Stark plans a weekend at the Shore. And finally, Food Trucks: The Autobiography Of an American Hero.
4. Steve actually acting his age, re: sitting somewhere bored with his chin propped on his hand and messing with filters on insta, one shameful post-gym selfie at a time. Sometimes he ends up slouched in a chair, texting, oblivious to everything else. On this note, Steve fitting in DISTURBINGLY WELL with the current population of like 60% of Brooklyn, that is to say, hipster humanities majors
5. Steve Rogers actually speaking the way an asshole kid raised in Brooklyn in the early/mid 20th century who then graduated to the Army would speak (stubbing his toe getting food in the middle of the night, like, “Jesus motherfucking Christ, fuck me, fuck”)
6. For that matter, Bucky talking that way (“What the fuck is this?” he demands, staring horrorstruck at the deep dish pizza in front of him. “What the shit is this, asshole?”)
There are going to be ten, I’m sorry
7. Natasha paints her toenails purple and her feet are always cold and every time she’s on the couch w/Clint she shoves her feet under his thighs
8. Steve listens to Turn Down For What literally a disturbing amount of times a day
9. Bucky missed Sinatra by one year and promptly falls head over heels for his voice in a totally no homo way and plays his music nonstop and hums it when he’s in the field
10. My absolute favorite headcanon, mostly because it’s 100% going to BE canon, is that everyone just thinks Steve and Bucky are incredibly fucking weird. And it’s not really because of the trauma or the fact that they’re collectively over 200 years old or any of that. It’s the fact that they’re fucking weird. Sometimes they just stare at each other. They literally just stare at each other, for like, hours. Sometimes Steve has to look away dramatically and blink back man tears. Are they telepathic? Is that it? Sam doesn’t have time for this. And they’re weirdly violent for each other. It’s creepy. Tony wonders what they get each other for holidays, and then decides to stop thinking about it. It’s probably the still-beating hearts of Hydra operatives.
Aragorn the reluctant and faintly embarrassed best man at Legolas and Gimli’s wedding.
Aragorn with his face in his hands as they get their serious mack on after the culturally-appropriate “you man now kiss the husband” bit, mumbling to himself in shell-shocked terror “the things I saw on the road…”
Gimli and Legolas participating in an epic cake-eating competition while Aragorn passes out back-up cake for the guests and explains: “I expected this.”
Aragorn having to give a best man speech for both Legolas and Gimli. Both sides of the family arguing loudly over which speech should be given first. The Elves eventually agree to go last because they have greater patience than the short-lived dwarves. The dwarves take grievous insult to this. Aragorn trying to explain how Legolas was like a brother to him and Gimli is a fine warrior. Aragorn being unable to get through either speech thanks to Legolas and Gimli loudly heckling each other’s speeches.
A couple dishonored dead ghosts show up just to see this most insane and greatest party ever thrown. Aragorn standing to the side of the dance floor while the dishonored dead try to lasso him in to dance with them. “You are free. I released you. Please. Go. Go now.”
Aragorn with his head on the table while Eowyn and Faramir giggle in a corner together and be super lovey-dovey at the wedding. Aragorn getting a headache from all the hitting himself in the face when Eowyn catches the bouquet (Gimli threw it) because she SLIDE TACKLED another female guest to get it and most of the lady guests new better than to challenge of shieldmaiden of Rohan for the damn bouquet anyway. Aragorn having to console a drunk Faramir that Boromir would have loved Eowyn, he would have, and yes, he was the best big brother in the world, I agree.
Aragorn having to carry a drunk off his ASS Gandalf back to his damn room while Gandalf might be hitting on him???? “You’re looking pretty Gandalf the Green, old friend, why don’t we just get you to your bed.” “Get me to YOUR bed, heir of Isildur! Hellah.” “By the bane of Isildur, nO.”
Aragorn staring mournfully at a pile of drunken hobbits writhing on the dance floor doing God knows what. It might be dancing. At least three of them are kind of cousins, please let it be dancing.
Aragorn sliding down to the ground as they send Legolas and Gimli off on their honeymoon, Gimli carrying Legolas (very slowly) in his arms into their bedroom while the two shout the lewdest things imaginable over their shoulders as a preemptive play-by-play of the upcoming night for their wedding guests.
Aragorn the saddest best man ever, is what I’m saying.
I was thinking about Tolkien and accents today, and I really like this idea that even within the Fellowship, you’ve got this happy cacophony of different accents. Boromir speaking Sindarin with a distinctly Gondorian lilt, his Westron a functional thing cobbled-together from the slang of his men and what he learned in order to speak with traders, messengers, foreigners.
Aragorn, so widely-traveled, being an excellent mimic—he can speak Dalish like a man of Laketown or a Haradrim like trader from South Gondor, but in moments of sincerity or seriousness, he slips into the tones of Rivendell, with all the careful articulation of someone who was scoffed at for every slip into the harsher pronunciation of Arnor.
Legolas who speaks Sindarin as his mother-tongue cool and green and fine, but whose Westron is harshly-accented, borrowed from fishermen and dwarves.
Gimli who speaks Khuzdul with that particular Longbeard cadence, which not even growing up in the Iron Hills as part of the Erebor diaspora could shake from him. Exile from Erebor forced many of the dwarves to become, if not fluent, then at least conversant in the languages of Men, in order to trade and travel on soil not their own—Gimli is no exception. (It amuses him to no end to speak to Aragorn in Dalish, and have Legolas puff up, offended not to be part of the conversation.)
Merry and Frodo and Pippin and Sam speaking Westron like the country bumpkins they are, all rounded vowels and drawls, but happy to learn all the languages that fly about them, laughing with their fellows when they mangle even the simplest of Sindarin words.
All of them sitting around the fire, telling stories, laughing at Gandalf when he can’t remember the Westron word for the Sindarin word for the Quendian word for the Valarin, who protests that he is an old man and has known too many tongues, so stop laughing, Peregrin Took, you are spraying crumbs everywhere.
sometimes i get really messed up thinking about Erebor.
it’s hugely vast - Thorin says there are “halls upon halls beneath the mountain” and i imagine it stretches vertically as well as horizontally, so like lots of levels climbing upwards and downwards and just a HUGE amount of square footage, an entire city (perhaps larger than Minas Tirith) literally carved out of the interior of a mountain
on that note, travel around Erebor must be facilitated by something. what if they use goats or ponies? imagine little carts, coaches, etc., driven by dwarves and transporting dwarves and visitors from point A to B, ex: the residential level is the main level but the market is three levels below - no one wants to haul groceries by hand up miles of stairs/ramps and damn like, who has enough hours in their day for all that walking? draft animals it is then. (for that matter, oxen could also be involved, in which case they would need cows to keep supplying offspring to be turned into oxen, and that means some dwarves could be dairy “farmers”).
which brings us to… what are all these pack animals eating? hay would be easy enough to purchase from Dale or other neighbors but then it needs to be stored. and if there are lots and lots of load-bearing animals needed for everyday life in the mountain (and also for mining operations, lots of material to be hauled there) then that’s a LOT of hay and other feeds needed.
so maybe the dwarves have something akin to a pasture somewhere in the mountain, high up, with an entire exterior wall made of glass or a similar transparent substance that lets sunlight in and creates sort of a giant greenhouse or cold frame, so they can grow grass year round for the ponies and goats and cattle to graze. otherwise hay expenses could be astronomical.
i don’t know. just. Erebor everyday life stuff. fascinating.
it doesn’t have to be coaches and buggies tho, they could use rickshaws (do NOT let me fall into a Memoirs of a Geisha au please)
there are likely very affluent districts and less affluent ones as well, but i’d like to think there’s no abject poverty in Erebor. like, let’s not assume the dwarves have fucked up socioeconomics as badly as we have
miners, for instance, wouldn’t be part of a lower- or poor class, but instead would be held in places of honor and paid very well for the dangerous and important work they do - after all, they’re directly responsible for unearthing the mountain’s wealth. why should they be underpaid just because they’re physical laborers? no.
gender roles are virtually nonexistent because it’s better that way and dwarves are awesome and i said so
the streets are kept clean and orderly; every citizen has a sense of belonging as well as ownership in the mountain
Bilbo called it “the greatest kingdom in middle earth” and i’m not about to take that lightly
EREBOR EVERYDAY STUFF IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME???
venTIL ATION? how do you ventilate such a huge fucking mountain, so that nobody suffocates from the heat down low? there’s a lot of natural updraft and stuff like that, but god the master level skill that would have to go into carving out a webbing of ventilation shafts that pretty much work on their own is kILLING ME
same goes for plumbing, I mean we saw in dos that they are no strangers to using water powered mechanisms, so I’m just imagining the sweltering heat and quiet plip-plop and of pipes running through the entire mountain, meeting in like this massive brain-like rattling sputtering structure somewhere where dwarves readjust their massive cogs and shit maybe that’s too steampunk but I love it anyway
as for the farmyard animals, erebor is a MASSIVE self-sustained kingdom, the expenses if they were to import everything would be EXORBITANT, so I bet rachel’s right, they’ve found a really clever way to grow pastures for their livestock, and also have really resilient animals who don’t mind grazing on the (newly rejuvenated) mountainsides I bet
as for the society aspect, I wouldn’t go so far as to presume they totally eradicated poverty, but they do have a very strong system that I still believe has a lot in common with a caste system (though looser), where you’re probably born into a guild and might be expected to take up that job, but nobody except for your overly traditional parents/grandparents/wider family is going to raise an issue if you decide to do something else
dwarven pubs
dwarven brothels
dwarven LIBRARIES
DWARVENM ARKETS with like this entire MASSIVE cave spanning AT LEAST five floors dedicated to it and more adventurous buyers can rope right down the bridges if they know where they want to get, they’re selling uncut lapis lazuli down there again brb [whooshes into the depths of the mountain swan-dive style] (okay I’m exaggerating but you get the point)
basically a dwarven kingdom works like a machine of its own, every single person is a cog in it and everyone has to work efficiently for the machine to operate smoothly oKAY FIGHT ME ON THIS (or alternatively send me more headcanons bc this is fun)
Before she learns about his secret identity, Lois Lane
thinks Clark Kent is a goddamn mess
She goes to his place to work on a joint article and it
takes her like half an hour to find out that Clark lives in an absolutely
nonfunctional house
She has to change a lightbulb but there are no stools, no
sufficiently high chairs, no way of reaching the ceiling unless you find a way
to climb the walls. “How the hell do you change your bulbs?” she asks. Clark
mutters something about misplacing the footstool and helps her drag the table
from the kitchen to the living room.
Lois watches Clark make lasagna and has to physically
restrain him from pulling the tray out of the oven with his bare hands. “Are
you out of your goddamn MIND?” she yells, scrambling to pull him away on time. “What
are you DOING? WHERE ARE THE OVEN MITTS?” and Clark is just like “Right…..oven
mitts…….. I think I lost them with the uh. footstool” both he and Lois pause
for a moment to engage in a riveting game of Mentally Punch Clark
Lois runs into the bathroom to put on a disguise and yells
out, “Where do you keep your razor?” There’s a gust of wind and Clark comes
back with slightly windswept hair. “I got it!” he says with unwarranted
triumph. “It’s right here. The razor I use.” Lois looks at it and it is CLEARLY
recently purchased and never used and she’s just like. I don’t even care
anymore
For weeks she just assumes Clark is missing some crucial
element in his home and starts stacking her own things all over the place. Lois thinking Clark has no clue how to take care of himself while Clark is Eternally Tormented and has to find ways to keep his identity a secret while living in close quarters, and the slow burn mutual pining roommates AU of my dreams begins
Oh my god this is amazingly awesome! Yes please lol
Lol! Omg, yes!!
I literally can’t stop laughing at the lasagna scene, oh my god! LOL
@kookygeekpalace this seems like something that’d be in your fic
