How do you explain Good Omens to someone in a compelling way without sounding like you’re off your metaphorical rocker? I mean, usually I default to “JUST TRUST ME” or “IT’S NEIL GAIMAN AND SIR TERRY PRATCHETT” and depending on the person one of them usually works, but now I’m trying to convince a not-very-close friend who is uncultured and deprived and therefore unconvinced. I considered the “Well, gay” angle but??? Not sure if that’s valid and also don’t want to force my ship onto this guy. (I mean, I’m confident he’ll get there on his own, but still.) I don’t talk to people enough to know what I’m doing here, I’m kind of inclined to be like “the Horsemen of the Apocalypse ride motorcycles and an angel performs a miraculous bicycle healing and the car turns everything into Queen and it’s not really the demon’s fault that they lose the Antichrist it’s actually because the Satanic nuns need a better screening process.”
a bunch of kids are playing out side my house and they have a really intense story going on and i just heard a 6 year old say, panting, in pretend agony “I should have killed you when i had the chance”
You know how everyone thinks James was as oblivious as Harry to everything? I’m so into this I love oblivious James that stumbles on wolfstar and is amazed and when did this happen???
But you know what? somewhere in the books i believe it’s said that Harry is a lot like Lily, personality wise. So can you imagine oblivious Lily?
She only notices James is mad about her when at the end of sixth year he shouts he loves her in a rage. 6 years of annoying the fuck out of her and her friends and she just thought he was an idiot but he was actually trying to get her attention (in the wrong way) so for the whole summer she thinks about it and decides to give him a chance and James’ like “Really, Lily you didn’t get the picture when I WROTE YOU BAD SONNETS?!” — “I thought you were trying to annoy me! or embarrass me!”
Doesn’t understand wolfstar is a thing (and tries to set them both up with some friends) until they have a row and Sirius is staying on their couch for the night and Lily’s like “What are they arguing about now?” and James just answers without thinking “Sirius thinks Remus’s sleeping with someone” and she’s “why would Sirius care about who Remus’s sleeping with” and James looks at Lily like he can’t believe she’s so oblivious and to the most obnoxious queer couple of London too. “They’ve been married for years!” he shouts and she would still be like “but why is HE on our couch if he owns the flat?”
Lily not realizing she’s pregnant until she’s like 4 months in because her period’s always been all over the place and she thinks the morning sickness is because she’s not a good cook and James is even worse and then she thinks it’s the flu and then the Potters die and she faints at the funeral because those two were the best in-laws ever and she loved them so much and she hasn’t eaten for the whole day and then she wakes up in Mungo’s with a very angry healer and 3 shell-shocked boys about to become father, godfather and weird uncle.
Story Time: in 2012, when I still lived in Florida, I used to work for a credit union, and I had the absolute worst manager and assistant manager. They were sloppy, lazy, and offloaded their work onto other people. No biggie; I’m grown and I can handle my job and not stress because I’m damned good at it. Problem: the manager and assistant manager, who happened to be best friends in real life, also happen to be very, very conservative older women. I’m talking like, hardcore conservative Christians, the kind who are not very good people and are very unlike Christ. I don’t make it a point to tell people I work with my business because when you work, you’re busy and you don’t want to burden other people, right? At least, I don’t. Subject of my love life comes up after a while of me staying in my lane, and I’m also not a liar, so I casually mention that I happen to be gay and I’m dating someone at the time.
The change in my managers was almost immediate. From that point on they tried their utmost to make my life miserable, but I wasn’t going to break. Fast forward about a month after this mess and one of the tellers, Tanika, and I have become really good friends, and she pulls me aside one Monday morning to tell me that she overheard the manager and assistant manager talking about firing me, and she didn’t want to get too involved, but she didn’t think it was fair so she wnated to give me a headsup. Here’s the best part: these asshats are SO lazy that they literally say - or so Tanika tells me- that they’ll wait for the end of the week to do it, because otherwise they would have no one to cover my Wednesday shift, and they’d have to sit on the teller line, and no siree Bob, they’re too good for that! Too important! Too. Fucking. Lazy.
Immediately I type up a two week notice at my station, print that shit out, and take it to that sloppy ass manager in her sloppy ass office. They have no receipts on me, but these people will find anything and use it to get rid of you if they can, and I’m not having a forcible termination on my record and dealing with how that will look to future employers. Keep in mind that I’m not supposed to know that they’re planning on firing me, and I’ve done my homework on company policy about two week notices (they had just changed it in January, and it was February). I give her the paper, sit in front of her, tell her some cock and bull story about needing more time for school. She looks upset, tells me to leave the letter, and go back to my station. I pull out a second copy of the letter and say: “Sure! But, first, I need your signature on this one, which is my copy of the two week notice.” Her face was a Goddamned mask at this point, but I could tell she was burning up inside. She’s trapped; she has to either sign it and pretend everything is fine, or she refuses and I go in on her for her “suspicious behavior” and call her higher ups. She signs my copy. I go back and finish my day.
Day ends and the assistant manager comes to me and tells me they have spoken to the president of the credit union and they have decided to terminate me anyway. Tells me I need to turn in my drawer and vault keys immediately and leave the premises. I refuse; “I’m not leaving until we count my drawer down together, I have a printed and signed copy of my balance, and you have signed paperwork confirming that I have given you all keys back.” She has no choice. I walk out with all necessary paperwork, get home, and immediately email the credit union president telling him what happened and how I think it’s utterly unprofessional for an employer to behave this way. He calls me the next day to my personal phone, and tells me the manager and assistant manager both told him I had quit on the spot and walked out without so much as a goodbye. I tell him I have a signed two week notice from the manager, because this sloppy ho can’t even keep own story together for five minutes. He tells me to photocopy it and email it to him. I do. Tells me he is going to have a discussion with the manager and call me back ASAP. Calls me back, apologizes profusely, and tells me that I shouldn’t have been treated as such, so he offers to pay me for the two weeks I had give notice for, ON TOP of an extra two weeks of compensation, and I didn’t even have to show up to the branch anymore. He was paying me a full month for no work to make up for the situation.
First paycheck comes in, and I put on my best outfit. Pick out the hottest shit in my closet that says: “I look incredible” but also “I have free time and you don’t” and “enjoy working here while I get paid while napping at the beach,” and I walk my happy little ass into that bank to pick up my paycheck like:
Happily greet the manager and assistant manager, who are both there like:
Say hello to my friend Tanika, who is at the teller line like:
Enjoying the fuck out of this show, right? Like, she can’t say it out loud, but she’s fucking living for this goddamned circus and it’s written all over her face!
I talk to her and loudly tell her how amazing it feels to have four weeks off with pay, and how polite and nice the bank president is.
Then I walk my happy little ass out of the bank like:
But not before saying bye to the manager and assistant manager and reminding them that I’ll be back in two weeks to pick up my next check, “probably right before I head to Key Largo for the weekend.”
…and that’s the story of how I once absolutely wrecked two people who thought they could use their positions of power to come for me unfairly, and a story I’ll be telling my grandchildren so they know, as grandpa knew on one February morning of 2012, that you take bullshit from absolutely no one.
my favorite part of hamlet is at the beginning when they see the ghost of hamlet sr for the first time
and the guards are like “Horatio, you go talk to it! You went to college!”
and Horatio is like “Yeah! I did go to college! I will go talk to the ghost!”
like. where did horatio go to college. did he go to ghost college
YES, ACTUALLYYES HE FUCKING DIDBC
(a) EVERY COLLEGE THEN WAS GHOST COLLEGE bc ghosts were widely believed to be Real™ n thus scholars learnt abt them. moreover, as everybody knows, ghosts only communicate in Latin; Latin is the scholastic language. Horatio is a scholar, thus both knows abt ghosts and knows Latin, so it is very reasonable to assume he will b able to ask this one what up (as obviously sth must b up 4 it 2b wandering around, why else wld it b here, gawd, this is like. the most basic of basic-level shit)
(B) WITTENBERG WHERE HORATIO STUDIES WAS LIKE. T H E MOST SPOOPYOF GHOST COLLEGES bc they were alllllll about theology n the supernatural n shit so SUPPOSING HORATIO WILL KNO HIS SHIT ABT GHOSTS IS IN FACT A THOROUGHLY SENSIBLE ASSUMPTION
this has been said before but i am fucking adding it again bc it HACKS ME TF OFF when ppl reblog the post w/o commentary as if OP jsut fucking checkmated Shakespeare when in fact all they managed to do was fail at the most basic historical contextualisation of this scene n make a fcuking fool of emselves lmao
when i was in 9th grade i tried to join the military history club but the teacher said i couldn’t join because the stuff “he and the boys” talked about was really advanced so my sister and i ended up starting a model united nations team and then 2 years later he tried to get me to join the military history club again because i kept winning model un competitions and every single boy in his club was literally in love with me and wanted me to join
but i said no bc by that point i was a smart, independent, and spiteful debate champion and too good for them so that same teacher talked the principal into letting him take over our team and kicked my sister and i (the president and vice president) out of it because he didn’t like us so then we became judges at the next competition they were going to and he was so pissed but tried to get us to cheat and let his (our) team win by default so we made sure that the kids he liked in the team that he had chosen to win and was doing all the work for lost and the kids who were still loyal to us got fair points and then i found out the teacher supported neo nazis and thats my story. the end
- “Yeah, your mirror is a doorway
into my dimension and I’ve seen everything. Even that dance part for
one” au
- “Sure, I’m an alien but I don’t
know why you’d think I’d abduct people. But there’s a great eatery
across the galaxy if you want to check it out” au
- “Listen, I am genetically
modified and on the run and you will let me hide in your
house” au
- “I was just taking a walk
through the woods and I didn’t think Fae really existed, and I
really don’t think I’ll accept any food from you” au
- “My dragon is acting sick and
you specialize in dragon illnesses, please take a look at it. Wait,
why are you laughing” au
- “Buddy, we are in the middle of
a zombie apocalypse, I specialize in botany in unfavorable terrain
and I just saw you make a sword out of PVC pipe and string; we’re
definitely teaming up” au
- “As a wielder of dark magic I
definitely plan on taking over the world once I trick you into
releasing me from my prison, but crap, I think I might like you more
than I meant to” au
- “Ok, so you panicked and kissed
the human so he wouldn’t drown, but we can’t keep him and he can’t
leave if he knows about us merpeople, so what are we going to do”
au
- “Look, I honestly didn’t mean to
run into any awkward werewolves on my hike and why would I tell
anyone about it, what do you mean ‘take me to your leader’ are you
serious. How cliché can you be” au
- “I’m a superhero and you’re the
villain, but I saw you visiting kids at the children’s hospital and
letting them act like they defeated you and now it’s really hard to
punch you in the face” au
I’m about 85% sure that you can describe at least one of my stupid baby almost-novels from years back as “I am genetically modified and on the run and you WILL let me hide in your house.” No, wait, I lied, you could probably stretch that to one of my completed novels, too, if you assume that the hiding is temporary and ends with kidnapping.
So I’ve been thinking about why I like Magnus Bane so much and I came to realize that it’s because Magnus Bane has achieved everything I want to achieve as a bisexual person:
Comfortable & open about his bisexuality
Notorious
Flirts adorably (if crudely)
Makes cute people fluster
Masks good heart with wit & sarcasm
Falls in love despite heartbreak he’s experienced before
Okay let’s discuss this: Because I feel like the “Angelina Jolie paradox” from Scott Westerfeld’s book “Afterworlds” is law. If you don’t know much about it here is a word for word passage from the book:
“You know when you’re watching a movie starring Angelina Jolie? And the character she’s playing looks just like Angelina Jolie, right? … she’s a regular person in that world not a movie star. But the other characters never mention that she looks exactly like Angelina Jolie.”
“Because that would mess up the movie,” Carla said.
“Exactly. So when you cast Angelina Jolie in a film, you’re creating an alternate universe in which the actress Angelina Jolie does not exist.“
And it makes sense. Think about other movies: I think if someone was looking like George Clooney, people in that movie would notice, right? So if you cast an actor in your film, that actor doesn’t exist in that movie or TV universe anymore - in a weird, weird way.
But like, Deadpool completely DESTROYS THIS. Wade literally says the name “Ryan Reynolds” and references movies he’s been in and has a magazine cover with HIM ON IT? Like, it’s absolutely taking this paradox and throwing it out the window and it’s half beautiful half confusing, because has Wade spent his whole life being told “hey so you look like that Ryan Reynolds guy.”
Anyway. That’s just my little commentary on this fantastic movie. Proceed.
Yes. You read that right. Someone did the math and because of a tight race and historically low turnout, 1500 people who will caucus on Saturday who ordinarily wouldn’t participate in primaries what it takes for Sanders to win Nevada
The app, called Bernie Takes It, allows you to pledge (to vote, or convince x people to vote). It counts all the pledges and only asks you to follow through once the threshold is met (in this case 1500 votes).
Our math is linked to at the bottom of the app.
Please take two minutes to pledge, then start Facebanking (in this case we’re actually asking people to start now even though the threshold hasn’t been reached yet, just because we finally finished the software only today;)
I believe Facebanking* is very high bang for your volunteering buck today. Using myself as an example, I have 450 “Friends of Friends who Like Bernie and live in Nevada” (FOFWLBALIN!). I can PM these people individually, telling them that I’m part of a commitment to get the 1,500 votes Bernie needs to win and requesting their promise to vote tomorrow.
You will not have another opportunity this year for your volunteer efforts to go as far as they will in Nevada today!!
For two reasons.
With low voter turnout, a little effort goes way farther. Bernie only needs about 1,500 extra votes to virtually guarantee victory in Nevada (whereas if Texas were on Saturday, he’d need about 50,000 extra votes to probably win).
A win now changes hundreds of thousands of minds going into Super Tuesday. Do you know how much phonebanking it would take to change hundreds of thousands of minds? More than we have!
Up until the Iowa caucus tie on February 1, the media, pundits and Democratic Party establishment had dismissed the Sanders campaign. Even though (or, because) he’s a champion for policies that the vast majority of Americans support, he’s been called radical, fringe and unelectable.
Despite these odds, he has more volunteers than any campaign and is breaking all kinds of fundraising records – building on regular-folks-size donations of less than $30. With his Iowa tie and New Hampshire dominance among nearly every demographic, Bernie has come from way behind to be a true contender. The race is on, and every delegate in every state is now crucial to momentum and the nomination.
YOU CAN START FACEBANKING RIGHT NOW!
But how can you help him win a state if you don’t live there? Our brand new Facebanking tool enables you to find your friends’ friends who live in Nevada and Like Bernie. Your job is simply to message them and share the importance of putting your vote where your Like is.
Sample message: “Hey Bernie-lovin’ friend of friend, did you know that Mr. Sanders only needs 1,500 extra votes to take Nevada tomorrow? We’re collecting pledges from people who are inspired to caucus when they see that their vote ACTUALLY MAKES A DIFFERENCE. Can you caucus tomorrow at 11am and let me know that you’re going to do it so I can change our tally to 1,499?”
So I went to see deadpool and sitting next to me there were two guys complaining about how many girls there were, all fake geek girls watching the movie just because Ryan Reynolds is hot.
I mean, yeah, he’s hot.
Anyway, at the end of the movie these two guys stand and leave because “there are just the credits, anyway”.
I mean, even my mother knows that you need to wait until the end of every marvel movie.
But sure, fake geek girls.
what the fuck is with men and how they write women taking showers honestly. like all of that back-arching mouth-half-open luxoriously-running-fingers-through-hair shit. straight dudes thinkin girls are like damn-near climax from just being naked, whats w/ that
from now on the only female shower scenes ill accept involve either; a).
sitting in a ball on the shower floor or b). standing completely still while staring into the abyss absentmindedly and scratching your ass. anything else gets a 0 and a “see me after class”
You know, an R-rated Deadpool film is well and good, but I kind of want to see Wade show up in one of the regular X-Men films, too.
I want to see him hastily catch himself every time he’s about to say “fuck”, because he knows that the film - being rated PG-13 - is only allowed one F-bomb, and he wants to make it count.
I want to see him throw the ugliest tantrum when, after he spends the whole movie saving up that one allotted “fuck” for the perfect moment, somebody else uses it up before he has a chance.
And that someone is Wolverine.
I so love that this is completely possible in upcoming films
Wade: Everyone knowns PG-13 mean you only get one f-bomb. Gotta use it wisely.
so in my greek class we were talking about oral composition and how something like the iliad must have been composed, and my prof asked us to consider how we would rapidly compose something like poetry on the spot. and i think it was a really important exercise not just for understanding the construction of an oral epic but also for reminding us of how great works can come from supposedly “humble” origins. so if anyone is ever snobby about their homer, just remind them that, as my professor put it, the iliad is basically ancient freestyle rap, and homer is much closer to jay z than to f. scott fitzgerald
basically what i’m saying is please imagine homer asking someone to give him a beat on the lyre and then dropping the sickest fucking meter ever. the ill-iad, by lil homie
I'm actually interested in what you talked about yesterday, namely Finn and his relationship to pain meds + stormpilot.
The first thing Finn asks when he wakes up is, “Where’s Rey?”
The second thing he asks is, “Shouldn’t you be doing something important?”
The third thing he asks is, “Why aren’t they letting me get out of bed?”
Poe holds onto his hand and answers. “She’s coming back in a few days. I’m doing something important right now. They’re not letting you get up because you’re still healing.”
Finn clearly wants to argue with all three of those; for someone who grew up obeying orders, Poe thinks, the guy’s got a contrary streak a parsec wide. But after a minute he settles back into the bed. “I must be all better, though,” he says. “Nothing hurts.”
Poe’s eyebrows are climbing halfway up his forehead before he remembers about the Stormtrooper Acclimatization Protocols. He’s not supposed to say, nothing’s supposed to hurt, what the hell, Finn. “Do things usually hurt when you’re injured?”
“Pain is good for focus,” Finn says slowly, watching Poe carefully. “Did – you not know that?”
“I did,” says Poe, instead of saying something like what the fuck. “But it also makes life a lot less pleasant.”
Finn seems to consider this seriously. “So – what, you guys use pain meds even when you don’t need to? What if you run out? What happens if someone else is in pain and I used it all up, or–”
Poe has a flash to the bombing of their first Resistance base, a few years ago; General Organa had dragged a half-dozen people out of the wreckage before getting caught in a blast herself. Han had shown up less than three days later, frantic and awful and every bit the asshole Leia had described, and he’d sat at her bedside for two weeks until she woke up. She summoned Poe and Statura for a sitrep and had asked a million and one questions, with her leg still wrapped up and her arm in a sling, and Han slouched in a chair beside her, smiling faintly.
“I’ll have the doctor let you know just how much pain medication we’ve got,” he says to Finn. “Suffice to say, we’ve got plenty. And our supply lines are secure. And Finn,” he adds, leaning forward, Finn’s hand clutching at his, “You’re worth the expenditure, okay? The Resistance wants you healthy, but we’re not just an army, okay? We want you feeling feeling good, too.”
wheres all the support for the emotional abuse victims
no, seriously. victims of emotional abuse have it hard because they do not have the physical marks or the records to “prove” to someone they were hurt and are hurting. most people will not take emotional abuse as seriously as physical abuse, saying “you should get over it” or “sticks and stones”. thats fucking bullshit.
emotional abuse victims who have been forced to do or say or be things you never wanted to, i love you.
emotional abuse victims who have been gaslighted and manipulated to the point where you no longer know what is real, i care for you.
emotional abuse victims who are told they will never be loved by anyone else and they are not a good person, you are amazing.
emotional abuse victims who feel manipulative and often catch themselves mirroring actions of their abusers and feel sick to their stomachs because theyre “turning into them”, you are not them and never will be. you are so much better than that.
emotional abuse victims who have to live every day suffering because nobody understands how messed up you are from what they said or did or made you do, you arent alone.
anyone who reads this, i care for you. please support all victims of abuse every single day because they deserve it just like they deserve the love and care those in the past have failed to provide them
i really love our generation’s joke trend of like, very calm but incredibly inflated hyperbole. like nobody says “oh she’s pretty” anymore we say “i would willingly let her murder me” and everyone is just like “lol same”
i think “same” is also great and “me,” i love when somebody reblogs a picture of like, a lizard, and just says “me” and we all know exactly what they mean. the current online Humor Discourse is remarkable because we trade exclusively in metaphors and implications and nobody ever, ever says anything outright and yet EVERYBODY understands each other perfectly
ExR "We are gods. Grantaire was only mortal man but he gave his life for us. For us dream. We are gods but I don't know what to do for him"
Hey anon, I really, really hope you don’t mind me playing a bit with your sentence, I’m sorry! I ask for one and then I transform it, I hope you like this anyway!
“We are gods!” Enjolras finally says, almost shouts, to his stone-faced friends. “Grantaire was only a mortal man, but he gave his life for us! For our dream! We are gods but I don’t know - I don’t know what to do for him now,” he finishes more quietly.
The silence is his only answer. He tries to muster some more anger in himself, but there’s no point in being angry at his friends, because he knows they’re mourning Grantaire as much as he is - maybe even more, he thinks guiltily as he catches sight of Joly’s pale face and the way Bossuet is firmly looking at the ground, holding Joly’s hand tightly.
For the first time in his life, a strange nagging feeling of emptiness is creeping into Enjolras’ chest, and he’s at lost at what to do about it. He’s on the verge of sitting next to Combeferre, seeking contact, when he hears a delicate cough.
He sees his friends tense and frown, and he looks behind him. His mother is standing there, tall and as gorgeous as always; she’s chosen to take the form that Enjolras remembers the most: golden skin and golden curls, full pinks lips and a heart-shaped face with sharp-cheekbones and big blue eyes. She’s chosen to look like him. She hasn’t done that in more than five years.
“Nobody appreciates hubris, my darling,” is her first words now. “None of you are gods, you are merely their sons.”
“Is this a lesson?” Enjolras asks, anger coming back in a moment. “Was this supposed to be a slap on the wrist, is that why you came to him with this ridiculous bargain?”
Aphrodite tilts her head on the side, thoughtful.
“He came to me,” she says after a second. “He was scared of Zeus’ wrath, of what would happen to you now that your plans had been revealed. He knew I could appease Zeus with the right incentive.”
“You could have asked for anything in return,” Enjolras says furiously. “Anything but his death!”
“I did,” Aphrodite says. “I asked him to give up his love for you.”
ok i wasnt going to comment but i know how fast misinformation spreads on this site and how many of yall just hate checking sources before taking things as facts. and im going to try to do this without spoiling anything.
there are not rape jokes in the Deadpool movie.
one of the scenes ppl keep talking about is when Negasonic Teenage Warhead hits Angel Dust and Deadpool says ‘i feel bad for anyone who tries to pressure her into prom sex’. hes not joking about date rape. he is literally saying she is going to beat the shit out of anyone who tries to pressure her into doing something she doesnt want to do.
at another point Wade and another character are talking about their own abusive childhood lives. they are talking about their OWN abuse. this also happens in the comics in which Wade was both physically and sexually abused as a child and he tries to joke it off. hes trying to make light of his own abuse.
i know a lot of people have said they arent going to watch the movie bc of that post claiming there are tons of rape jokes and yall just need to talk with people who have actually seen the movie before you make snap judgements.
i’m happy to talk with anyone who is still nervous or needs something clarified.
don’t just reblog Bernie posts and think you’re making a change…18+ tumblr users, GO REGISTER AND VOTE! No matter how many millions of people support him, we can’t do shit unless you get off your butt and VOTE! you have the power to make a change by simply showing up at a voting booth for 5 minutes, so don’t you dare give any excuses.
STRESS THE REGISTER PART! That’s the most common mistake! Do Not forget to register to vote, make sure you don’t miss the deadline in your state!
i did that adult thing you can do where you buy an entire cake and just eat it
i am eating an entire cake
update: there is more cake than i imagined.
i see now why my parents didn’t let me do this
The trick to buying an entire cake and eating it is you don’t eat it all at once.
But, and this is crucial, not because someone else is controlling your portions. Because it’s your cake. Because you don’t have to worry that if you don’t finish it now, somebody will take the rest away. Because you can eat as much cake as you feel like eating and then stop, and the remaining cake will still be there when you want some more. Which may be in an hour or may be in a couple of days.
The only way to start speaking a language is to start speaking it badly
I will reblog this everytime becAUSE IT IS SO TRUE AND WILL ALWAYS BE TRUE . DONT BE AFRAID TO GO OUT THERE AND MAKE MISTAKES BBYS. AN INCORRECT VERB TENSE ISNT THE END OF THE WORLD
