the most implausible thing about superhero movies is that these guys make their own suits, like seriously those toxic chemicals did NOT give you the ability to sew stretch knits, do you even own a serger
I feel like there’s this little secret place in the middle of some seedy New York business neighborhood, back room, doesn’t even have a sign on the door, but within three days of using their powers in public or starting a pattern of vigilanteism, every budding superhero or supervillain gets discreetly handed a scrap of paper with that address written on it.
Inside there’s this little tea table with three chairs, woodstove, minifridge, work table, sewing machines, bolts and bolts of stretch fabrics and maybe some kevlar, and two middle-aged women with matching wedding rings and sketchbooks.
And they invite you to sit down, and give you tea and cookies, and start making sketches of what you want your costume to look like, and you get measured, and told to come back in a week, and there’s your costume, waiting for you.
The first one is free. They tell you the price of subsequent ones, and it’s based on what you can afford. You have no idea how they found out about your financial situation. You try it on, and it fits perfectly, and you have no idea how they managed that without measuring you a whole lot more thoroughly than they did.
They ask you to pose for a picture with them. For their album, they say. The camera is old, big, the sort film camera artists hunt down at antique stores and pay thousands for, and they come pose on either side of you and one of them clicks the camera remotely by way of one of those squeeze-things on a cable that you’ve seen depicted from olden times. That one (the tall one, you think, though she isn’t really, thin and reminiscent of a Greek marble statue) pulls the glass plate from the camera and scurries off to the basement, while the other one (shorter, round, all smiles, her shiny black hair pulled up into a bun) brings out a photo album to show you their work.
Inside it is … everyone. Superheroes. Supervillains. Household names and people you don’t recognize. She flips through pages at random, telling you little bits about the guy in the purple spangly costume, the lady in red and black, the mysterious cloaked figure whose mask reveals one eye. As she pages back, the costumes start looking really convincingly retro, and her descriptions start having references to the Space Race, the Depression, the Great War.
The other lady comes up, holding your picture. You’re sort of surprised to find it’s in color, and then you realize all the others were, too, even the earliest ones. There you are, and you look like a superhero. You look down at yourself, and feel like a superhero. You stand up straighter, and the costume suddenly fits a tiny bit better, and they both smile proudly.
*
The next time you come in, it’s because the person who’s probably going to be your nemesis has shredded your costume. You bring the agreed-upon price, and you bake cupcakes to share with them. There’s a third woman there, and you don’t recognize her, but the way she moves is familiar somehow, and the air seems to sparkle around her, on the edge of frost or the edge of flame. She’s carrying a wrapped brown paper package in her arms, and she smiles at you and moves to depart. You offer her a cupcake for the road.
The two seamstresses go into transports of delight over the cupcakes. You drink tea, and eat cookies and a piece of a pie someone brought around yesterday. They examine your costume and suggest a layer of kevlar around the shoulders and torso, since you’re facing off with someone who uses claws.
They ask you how the costume has worked, contemplate small design changes, make sketches. They tell you a story about their second wedding that has you falling off the chair in tears, laughing so hard your stomach hurts. They were married in 1906, they say, twice. They took turns being the man. They joke about how two one-ring ceremonies make one two-ring ceremony, and figure that they each had one wedding because it only counted when they were the bride.
They point you at three pictures on the wall. A short round man with an impressive beard grins next to a taller, white-gowned goddess; a thin man in top hat and tails looks adoringly down at a round and beaming bride; two women, in their wedding dresses, clasp each other close and smile dazzlingly at the camera. The other two pictures show the sanctuaries of different churches; this one was clearly taken in this room.
There’s a card next to what’s left of the pie. Elaborate silver curlicues on white, and it originally said “Happy 10th Anniversary,” only someone has taken a Sharpie and shoehorned in an extra 1, so it says “Happy 110th.” The tall one follows your gaze, tells you, morning wedding and evening wedding, same day. She picks up the card and sets it upright; you can see the name signed inside: Magneto.
You notice that scattered on their paperwork desk are many more envelopes and cards, and are glad you decided to bring the cupcakes.
*
When you pick up your costume the next time, it’s wrapped up in paper and string. You don’t need to try it on; there’s no way it won’t be perfect. You drink tea, eat candies like your grandmother used to make when you were small, talk about your nights out superheroing and your nemesis and your calculus homework and how today’s economy compares with the later years of the Depression.
When you leave, you meet a man in the alleyway. He’s big, and he radiates danger, but his eyes shift from you to the package in your arms, and he nods slightly and moves past you. You’re not the slightest bit surprised when he goes into the same door you came out of.
*
The next time you visit, there’s nothing wrong with your costume but you think it might be wise to have a spare. And also, you want to thank them for the kevlar. You bring artisan sodas, the kind you buy in glass bottles, and they give you stir fry, cooked on the wood-burning stove in a wok that looks a century old.
There’s no way they could possibly know that your day job cut your hours, but they give you a discount that suits you perfectly. Halfway through dinner, a cinderblock of a man comes in the door, and the shorter lady brings up an antique-looking bottle of liquor to pour into his tea. You catch a whiff and it makes your eyes water. The tall one sees your face, and grins, and says, Prohibition.
You’re not sure whether the liquor is that old, or whether they’ve got a still down in the basement with their photography darkroom. Either seems completely plausible. The four of you have a rousing conversation about the merits of various beverages over dinner, and then you leave him to do business with the seamstresses.
*
It’s almost a year later, and you’re on your fifth costume, when you see the gangly teenager chase off a trio of would-be purse-snatchers with a grace of movement that can only be called superhuman.
You take pen and paper from one of your multitude of convenient hidden pockets, and scribble down an address. With your own power and the advantage of practice, it’s easy to catch up with her, and the work of an instant to slip the paper into her hand.
*
A week or so later, you’re drinking tea and comparing Supreme Court Justices past and present when she comes into the shop, and her brow furrows a bit, like she remembers you but can’t figure out from where. The ladies welcome her, and you push the tray of cookies towards her and head out the door.
In the alleyway you meet that same giant menacing man you’ve seen once before. He’s got a bouquet of flowers in one hand, the banner saying Happy Anniversary, and a brown paper bag in the other.
You nod to him, and he offers you a cupcake.
Have you read The Tailor? It’s a Batman fan comic by TerminAitor on Deviantart and it’s a fantastic little piece about the tailor who makes some of the costumes for the criminals of Gotham… whether he wants to do it or not. Great stuff.
The costuming thing in general seems like it would make for a great one-off or miniseries. Or a book of shorts including stuff like kyraneko’s seamstresses. Someone has to be making this stuff… and not breathing a word of it to anyone.
There actually was a comic in one of the Spiderman titles about the 90-years-older-than-dirt Jewish tailor who makes all the superhero and villain costumes, telling them how to update their look as he does so. So, yeah, it’s canon.
It’s also canon that every superhero and villain except for Spider-man (who yes, did painstakingly teach himself how to sew and mend spandex) knew about him. He sees villains and heroes on alternating days, and no one dares to break that truce or show up on the wrong day looking for a fight because they’re all afraid of losing his services.
But what if they just happened to cast Andrew Garfield as the boyfriend in Deadpool 2, and someone in the movie is like, “hey, you look just like Peter Par-” but Deadpool tackles them before they can finish and then just looks directly at the camera and is like, “this is my boyfriend, Pete Parkley, and he is definitely not Spiderman because that would be a serious breach of licensing rights.” and then he just grabs Pete and tows him away by the suspicious red spandex collar poking out over the top of his T-shirt
story time: i taught my little cousin her first longer word when she was very young. i taught her to say “tax benefits”. and to this day my aunt still doesn’t know where she got it from, but it was a hilarious sight to see a little toddler waddling around the house, wearing a big diaper, all the while yelling “TAX BENEFITS!!!!”
My parents did this with me and “nuclear disarmament”.
I taught my little brother to say “micro-surgical vasectomy reversal” (saw it on a billboard) on a road trip, and he didn’t stop saying it for literal years.
My parents taught me to chant “Get your laws off our bodies!” for a pro-choice rally when I was like four and I went to preschool and taught all the other kids the chant and led them on a mini-parade around the playground and the teachers were like ?????????? ?????????? ????????????
whenever my brother threw a tantrum as a baby my parents would chant “live free or die” until he calmed down it was fuckin weird
when i was a kid whenever we got stuck in traffic my dad would say “what the fuck?!?” in a very comic voice and i would repeat it and then he would say it with a slightly different inflection and i would repeat that too and so forth and so basically my poor mother would be stuck in standstill traffic listening to her husband and 4 yr old daughter swearing at each other without end
i’m a preschool teacher and we like to joke around using radical vocabulary with the children, the other day i overheard one kid say ‘this is my truck’ and the other one said ‘no, this truck belongs to the collective’; they all say it now
the best part of deadpool is how a bunch of dudebro comic book fans will have to stare at ryan reynolds’ ass for minutes, in slow motion, while he’s wearing spandex. thanks fox for making all of our dreams come true
(1) repeal the Missile Defense Act of 1991; (2) terminate the Strategic Defense Initiative Organization within the Defense Department and reassign its functions to other military departments and functions; and (3) limit Strategic Defense Initiative (SDI) activities to basic research and fund basic research at $1.2 billion in fiscal year 1993.
Then Sanders goes all in about why this amendment is necessary.
I discovered a nice little coffee shop near my apartment, and instead of thinking “this is very convenient,” my first thought was my life’s coffee shop au is about to begin
Update: I was at the aforementioned coffee shop and this guy sat down next to me near the window. A pretty barista came over with his drink, and she said to him: “This isn’t right. You’re supposed to sit at the counter! You’re supposed to tell me stories!” And the guy laughed, and they both looked at the counter (where all the spots were taken) and he was like, “We could kick someone out.” And she was like, “I would do that! Which one?” And they joked around a bit more, and then she went back to the behind the counter, and as soon as someone vacated their spot he moved all his stuff over to the counter, and I realized, this is not my coffee shop au. I am in their coffee shop au.
concept: instead of Kylo Ren getting a redemption arc, we get a Captain Phasma redemption arc
but not like, “ok she’s good now and made of sweetness and rainbows and she had a really tough childhood and didn’t know what she was doing” kind of way.
but like
Captain Phasma leaves the First Order, not because she’s necessarily morally opposed to its callous slaughter of innocents, but because she and Hux are barely holding the organization together; all they ever do is clean up after Kylo’s tantrums, and at some point Kylo (probably under Snoke’s orders) comes up with a plan that is so utterly ridiculous that Phasma is like “f this shit I’m out.”
only what no one counted on are the number of Stormtroopers who are completely and utterly loyal to Phasma and Phasma alone because dammit, she’s a good commander. She’s terrible to the ones who don’t fit in or don’t live up to standards, of course, but that just means that the First Order’s most ruthless and efficient soldiers are defecting to follow Phasma.
because Phasma may be cruel, be she at least understands that there have to be limits to cruelty in order to lead effectively. Really, she’s more practical than cruel, and destroying perfectly functional computer equipment in a fit of rage, or killing underlings for minor infractions (may or may not be canon, but it’s the sort of thing you’d expect from KR) is simply not practical.
and so with Phasma gone and Kylo in charge, Phasma suddenly finds herself fighting against the First Order. At first it was simply self-defense as they tried to hunt her down as a deserter, but when she quickly proved herself more than a match for them, it turned into a guerrilla war to take them down - it is, after all, the practical thing to do.
so that is how Phasma and Leia find themselves on the same side, and of course the practical thing to do is for them to team up. It’s an uneasy truce, and Phasma and Finn make a deliberate effort to avoid each other - neither ever ends up forgiving the other, despite being allies. Phasma and Leia never come to like each other, either, but there is a grudging respect.
and after everything, when the First Order is finally taken down, Phasma and her soldiers are offered pardons for their service, which they accept. They become mercenaries, which has much better pay and job security than the First Order did. And if a lot of their dealings are on the shady side of the law, it’s never quite severe enough of an infraction for anyone to want to risk going after them.
seriously, i don’t actually want her to be good; give me “cool motive, still murder” Phasma. Let her be the villain who is undeniably evil but that everyone still loves.
Unfortunately the numbers don’t lie, youth voter turn out is down since 2008. Young voters support Bernie Sanders in overwhelming numbers, 86-14 in New Hampshire. That is massive, even better than Obama. Still, we NEED TO VOTE. We NEED to stay ACTIVE and involved! This political revolution is to make OUR country a better place, we need to quit letting 65 year old voters decide the future of our country. PLEASE REGISTER TO VOTE IF YOU HAVE NOT DONE SO ALREADY! BERNIE SANDERS 2016!
I just registered, it took 5 minutes. All you need is a driver’s license or ID. I don’t like politics on my dash, but I’m reblogging this because no matter who you support, you should register to vote, and this post has a link that makes it very easy to get started.
Please. PLEASE register and actually vote. Don’t just reblog. Go register. If you can’t make it to a polling place (or just don’t want to deal with putting on pants), you can even request an early mail-in ballot.
Bernie is losing momentum due to less and less young voter turn out. Nevada would have been ours but the young voter turn out was very low. I hope people actually go out and vote rather than just offering social media support. This is such a pivotal moment in American politics that it would be a huge disservice to the world to not go out and vote in the primary.
when male academics constantly refer to men by their surnames and women by their first names
like you’d never go to a lecture expecting shakespeare to be referred to as “william” but it’s not at all uncommon to sit through an entire lecture in which jane austen is referred to constantly as “jane”
it’s such a petty thing but it just really rubs me the wrong way, like it has a real suggestion of respect and admiration/lack thereof
Male academics almost never discuss how “young female authors died early” or lament how much genius was “lost.”
Just letting y’all know I’ve scrolled past that “reblog or your mom will die in x amount of seconds” post several times and nothings happened. She’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I promise nothing will happen to your mother if you don’t reblog it. Fuck the person who made that post in the first place because it’s just cruel and does nothing but play around with people’s anxiety.
I was cleaning out my high school Google drive folders, and I just found my old study group’s guide for the AP US History exam. one of our notes is “if two people are arguing and you can only remember one of their names, the other is Alexander Hamilton.”
it’s canon that the blaster han gave rey was adapted to fit a smaller grip - he chose it bc he knew it would be the easiest one for her to use. its obviously not chewies and its been on board since before he lost the falcon. han gave rey leia’s blaster.
so basically what happened on friday with kesha is that a motion for a preliminary injunction was denied. the trial as such hasn’t even started yet.
kesha’s case against dr luke is a hybrid of torts and contracts claims, and it’s a case in equity rather than in law. what that means is that she doesn’t want money damages (which would be a case in law), she wants a thing to happen (in cases in equity this is essentially called specific performance). she wants to be released from her contract. if she’s asking for money damages i haven’t read anything about it.
so when suits like this are brought, when the plaintiff wants the defendant to either do or not do something, a preliminary hearing for the injunction is held basically so a judge (no jury yet) can assess whether it’s in the ~*~interests of justice~*~ for a temporary version of what the plaintiff is asking for to be put into place before the court (either judge or jury) hears all the evidence at trial.
kesha’s lawyer moved for a preliminary injunction in the form of a temporary release from her contract, so that she can produce music without dr luke while the trial is pending (because who the fuck knows how long the trial is going to take). this was denied. this doesn’t necessarily mean she’s locked into the contract forever, because the trial on whether or not she should be released hasn’t happened yet. but it does mean that, until a verdict is handed down on that issue, the contract stands as valid.
seriously dudes my big concern is that ppl will think it’s already over and will stop showing up for her and supporting her
listen up fucktruck my big concern is that a rape victim doesn’t feel alone nobody thinks that public outcry has anything to do with the outcome of a civil trial so sit all the way down maybe
this girl has been all alone in her pain for ten years and i don’t want people to forget about her again because of a misunderstanding of the legal process
The only important thing that happened during the Dem debate.
He is garbage.
but but but the 1%!!!!!!
Ok hold on, I actually just read the article and it actually seems the people who said “oh he’s garbage” or whatever didn’t actually read what they reblogged.
His plan involves increasing taxes, yes, but he’s also planning to do away with private insurance premiums. You’re actually saving money via that plan, so ultimately better off financially. Put simply, private insurance premium going away means all that money back in your pocket. Then, you pay SOME of that money to taxes. Taxes go up, BUT you’re paying less than you’d have paid the private company. So yes, you’d be paying more taxes, but in total your expenses go down by thousands.
Read the things you reblog, dammit.
Uhhhh
You literally admitted he says he wants to increase taxes.
oh boo hoo, you pay a little bit more in taxes. how else do people expect shit to get done? -_-
… Really?
oh no my taxes are going to be more
and people nationwide will stop suffering from lack of healthcare
and maybe ending poverty will take a step in the right direction
and maybe private insurance companies will stop gouging people
and hey I’ll actually have a net positive after all this since it saves me money in the long run
and hey maybe we’ll be on par with every other 1st world country on the planet
and hey maybe parents will call the hospital when their kids are sick instead of waiting it out because their insurance rates are too much for them to afford
but
oh no my taxes are going to be more
Same rhetoric as obamacare. Premiums are up, coverage is down, but hey. At least everyone….no wait.
Government run healthcare is the biggest croc of idiocy alive today. Medicare, medicaid, obamacare, all failures. All dying. But juuuuuust one more right? This time it will work!
so what r ur opinions on minecraft?
So… The NHS…
Guys, Sanders is asking for a 2.2% health care tax hike to cover health care costs. If your household is earning $70k a year, that’s $1,540 a year in extra taxes.
There will also be a payroll tax levied on employers of 6.7%. Assuming the entire cost is passed on to workers (and I guarantee you it won’t be - customers will also pick up part of the tab), that’s an extra $4,690, bringing the total to $6,230 a year.
Obamacare average household premiums were about $16,800 in 2015, and are still rising. That’s at least 2.7 times higher than the tax hike (a highly conservative estimate), and will probably be higher as health care costs continue to rise.
You will not need to pay for premiums in a single payer system. You’re literally saving over thousands of dollars a year if you’re a middle class citizen, and even more if you’re a working class citizen.
There are plenty of other examples of nations that have implemented a single payer system, and their citizens are paying significantly less than Americans.
tldr: You pay 2% more in taxes but save $1000’s a year in insurance premium. You will pay $0 for insurance premiums.
I am Italian, born and raised in Italy, and now live in the US.
I can guarantee you that GOVERNMENT SUBSIDED HEALTH CARE WORKS EVERY FUCKING WHERE ELSE IN THE WORLD.
My dad was diagnosed with cancer in 2005. He had four major surgeries, chemo, radio, hospital stays, constant check ups. From then till the day he passed away in 2011 (after a three week hospital stay) we paid MAYBE about a grand? or two? shit I can’t even remember it was SO FUCKING LITTLE.
I dont know how the fuck anyone can expect a society to work without paying taxes, nor I do understand why taxes are a-okay when they fund COLOSSAL MILITARY SPENDING, drones, wars, or MILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN BAILOUT FOR WALL STREET, but you suddenly have a problem when it’s about BETTERING THE GODDAMN COUNTRY.
Sanders: “I’m a socialist”
people: “alright”
Sanders: “I want to pay for healthcare with taxes”
people: “haha gotcha what an ideological traitor!”
If you read this to the end, please spread this around. Or at the very least, maybe limit this down to the more important posts so people can actually read what matters about it. Because this crap needs to be straightened out.
i just saw a thing on fb like ‘does somebody wanna be fake engaged to me for like 2 hours to try free wedding cake samples’ and im just…………………imagine ur otp
“Yesterday I responded to a comment by @insanitybytes22, in which she suggested things wives and mothers can do to help men as an olive branch instead of blaming men for every marital breakdown. I appreciated her saying so.
But I remember my wife often saying how exhausting it was for her to have to tell me what to do all the time. It’s why the sexiest thing a man can say to his partner is “I got this,” and then take care of whatever needs taken care of.
I always reasoned: “If you just tell me what you want me to do, I’ll gladly do it.”
But she didn’t want to be my mother. She wanted to be my partner, and she wanted me to apply all of my intelligence and learning capabilities to the logistics of managing our lives and household.
She wanted me to figure out all of the things that need done, and devise my own method of task management.
I wish I could remember what seemed so unreasonable to me about that at the time.”—
One of my biggest fears about this election is that all the millennials are gonna come out and vote for Bernie Sanders and forget to vote for anybody else. Every seat in the House of Representatives is up for reelection and a bunch of Senate seats are up as well. Most states do their governor and state legislature during mid-terms (which means we’re all gonna need to go out again in 2018), but a few are open in this cycle and people living in those states need to know about that too.
There are two things about American politics that nobody seems to know and everyone should: republicans only win when people don’t vote and local politics affect you at least as much as national level shit. Vote for your favorite Presidential candidate, but also vote for like, city council and state representative and stuff. It’s all important and if we as a generation want to make real change we need to flex our voting power at every level of government and show our country that we are a political force to be reckoned with. I want to see us out, in force, in every election until we’re all goddamned dead. Because that’s how shit gets done in a democracy.
friendly reminder that the whole “when you’re arrested you have one phone call” thing isn’t real it’s a thing that tv crime dramas made up
you have a constitutional right to an attorney and you can have as many phone calls, smoke signals, carrier pigeons, etc, as it takes to contact your attorney.
contacting anyone else (a partner, a parent, a babysitter, whatever) isn’t actually a right that can be denied to you,
but it might be more trouble than it’s worth to ask cops for a phone for these purposes,
so when your attorney shows up, you can use their phone to make those calls. there’s nothing that legally prevents you from doing so
things that still freak me out: those sinks americans have in their kitchens that you can destroy stuff with
Honestly this post has been on my mind all day. Those weird destructosinks for people with too much money are apparently common in America. And Americans get defensive over them.
Well don’t come crying to me when your wean gets eaten by the fucking kitchen sink.
hOLY SHIT WHAT IF U TRY AND CLEAN THE PLUG AND TURN IT ON IM SO SCARED
Okay it took me for-fucking-ever to figure out wtf you guys are talking about are you talking about garbage disposals? Like down the drain??
with the spinny knives
No knives, just a dull piece of spinny metal.
you realise it takes the same amount of force to cut thru a carrot as a finger
i dont know what you do over there but we usually don’t stick our hands in our sink drains
who’s going around fisting sinks anyway
“don’t come crying to me when your wean gets eaten by the fucking kitchen sink”
is that person saying they fuck kitchen sinks? is that what I just read? they put their dick in the sink’s drain and they fuck it?
dont sinkshame
Child. Wean means child.
Okay, so you put your CHILD in a sink and stuff them down the drain? That’s… that’s definitely worse.
- The fic starts out great, nice style, language, captivating summary. It’s unfinished and has been abandoned since 2013.
- The fic is complete, nice style, language, tons of kudos speak for themselves. It’s about your NOTP.
- The fic is about your OTP, it’s complete, it’s kinky as hell. The plot is absolutely dumbass.
- The plot sounds great, it’s about your OTP, it’s complete. The characters are horribly OOC.
- Everything is perfect in this fic, starting from the first letter and ending with the last full stop. It’s exactly 800 words long.
- The fic’s word count is a six-figure number, it’s about your OTP, characters are compliant with your head-canon. It’s dull and boring as seven hells.
- The beginning is enthralling, everything’s great, the plot, the style, it’s long and it’s even about your OTP. It features something that makes you close the tab as soon as you open it, like father/daughter incest or mpreg or some other squicky thing.
- Everything is perfect in this fic, the length, the characters, the language, the style, you forget you’re reading fanfic, thinking it’s a masterpiece of true literature, you cry tears of joy and write a huge review full of gushing love and then rush to the author’s profile to read every other thing they’ve written. It’s their only work.
I am an usher at a movie theatre and have worked almost everyday since the movie came out. It has been crazy busy. I haven’t seen the movie (yet) but I have seen the post-credit scene. Many times.
Whoever thought of having Deadpool basically tell people to pick up their garbage is a fucking genius. Picking up the garbage is the most unnecessary, time-wasting and gross thing ever. Deadpool has been selling out, and yet pick-up has been the easiest I have ever seen for this type of crowd and its size.
Other movies, follow the example.
Deadpool, you are fucking awesome.
