the next time you think you’re lonely, just remember you have about 25 billion white blood cells in your body protecting your sorry little ass with their life. you have 25 billion friends who would die for you. no need for tears.
im crying anyways how do i thank these tiny little babies
Right, so. I’m angry all over again and I’m going to be angry for a while, because if I see one more idiot defending the rape scene over the fact that “that was just what happened in medieval times,” I am going to put a brick through my computer screen. This won’t be as long or…
ok but what if like. werewolves transform under the full moon but theres just this one and by day hes a big tough guy and then when he transforms hes a tiny dog. just fucking. just fucking turns into the tiniest, fluffiest dog
“I want to speak to a manager,” the middle-aged woman said in her stern I-used-to-be-a-soccer-mom-ten-years-ago voice, looking down at me over the top of her Gucci reading glasses.
A wicked grin split across my face and the gates of Hell opened up behind me, releasing a gust of hot wind that whipped my apron around my body and forced the woman to shield her face. Demons came forth, dancing around in flames with songs of, “She wants to speak to a manager. Did you hear that? She wants to speak to a manager!” before erupting into earsplitting shrieks of laughter, none louder than my own cackling.
I took in the woman’s look of utter horror before my eyes rolled back into my head and I growled,
So what happens if two people who have promised their firstborn to separate witches have a child together? Do they both just pop up in the nursery and have a custody battle?
I need a book about a little girl whose parents had promised their firstborn to different witches and the only way that both ends of the deal were fulfilled was for them to have joint custody of the child.
I love it!
And then the witches, forced to share a cottage while raising their joint stolen child, fall in love…
bisexual people passing as straight when they’re in a straight relationship is not “passing privilege.” it’s erasure. it’s assimilation.
that’s like saying that femme lesbians have privilege over butch lesbians. invisibility might keep people safer on a micro-level which is fucked up, but it’s all based on people thinking they can tell who’s queer & who’s straight just by looking at them, which is infinitely problematic and painful.
don’t alienate queer people who are assumed to be straight. invisibility is a symptom of hetero-normativity, not a privilege.
Saying “we white people have no culture” sounds like this cool, self-critical, anti-racist statement but it’s actually making out that the ways white people (by which the speaker almost always means white Christian Anglophone Americans or occasionally white Christian Anglophone Brits) live/eat/make art/ think about ethics etc. is just the Default way of doing things and everyone else is wierd and fascinating.
English is a language, not default human speech.
Christianity is a religion, not default human belief.
Western nuclear families are a specific social arrangement, not default human living arrangement.
White Anglophone cultures’ ideas about gender are a specific set of ideas, not default human gender.
The Latin alphabet is an alphabet, not default human writing.
Modern staff notation is a specific musical system, not default human music.
“White people food” is a specific kind of food (or rather several specific kinds) not default human food.
Christmas and Easter are specific religious/cultural festivals, and the specific ways they are celebrated in white Anglophone Christian communities are specific forms of celebration, they are not default human annual events.
Assuming white Anglophone Christian norms are just default human behaviour isn’t actually challenging racism.
SCIENCE HAS CONFIRMED THAT DOGS LOVE US BACK BECAUSE THEY GET THE SAME RUSH OF OXYTOCIN WHEN THEY LOOK AT US THAT WE GET WHEN WE LOOK AT THEM
Are you telling me that dogs are looking up to us and think “omg what an adorable fucking cutiepie”?
a while ago I read an article about how dogs love us back, but recognize that we’re different from them, while cats see us as bigger and clumsier than them, but do not consider us different
Dogs: I am fuzzy creature and you are a different adorable creature and I love you!!!!! Cats: I am lanky and graceful and you are a giant mess
This is why cats occasionally try to bathe and feed us
It’s true; cats see us as giant dumb hairless babies. That’s why they bring us half-dead prey– to teach us how to hunt and eat properly. That’s why they attack when we rub their bellies– that’s how parent cats teach kittens to defend themselves. That’s also why they meow– cats communicate with other adults on a frequency we can’t hear, but meow at kittens because their ears aren’t fully developed. They even specialized a set of meows they use only for humans, because we are especially deaf babies.
I laugh so much at those homophobes who are into literature and classic stuff because like hey you’re into michelangelo? gAY. you like Virginia Woolf books? totally leSBO. you think oscar wilde is modernist and agree with his philosophies? gAY. you like the iliad? greek mythology? any era of history tbh? GAY GAY TRIPLE GAY. everything you love is covered in gay. all the great writers and musicians and artists you admire were queer as all hell hAH
HEY WRITERS OF ALL KINDS AND AGES AND MAYBE EVEN DNDERS OR TABLETOP GAMERS ARE YOU READY FOR SOMETHING SUPER RAD? I HOPE SO ‘CAUSE
RANDOM
MAP
GENERATOR
WITH
EDITING FEATURES AVAILABLE
IT DOESN’T REALLY DO LAND MASSES OR ANYTHING BUT IT SURE AS HELL WILL MAP THAT CITY/VILLAGE/SHIP/DUNGEON/WHATEVER THAT YOU’VE BEEN MEANING TO MAP OUT FOR YOU
Sex tip: If he’s pressuring you to do anal, buy a dildo the same size as his dick, and ask him to do it first. If he’s scared of the pain- case closed. There’s absolutely no reason that he should expect it to feel any differently for you. If he says that it would be emasculating, belittling or ‘gay’, then that man is a misogynistic homophobe, and you better run for the hills as fast as your legs can take you.
It’s my business when men are forcing their girlfriends into anal sex. It’s my business when women are getting surgeries on their labia and breasts so they can look like model’s in playboy, its my business because young girls are being forced to act out porn scenes with their first boyfriends in case their boyfriends leave them or stop thinking that they’re hot, it’s my business when men are so gorged on porn they think a woman who doesn’t send nude pictures is weird, its my business when men are taking up-skirt photos and groping women, it’s my business when women are being forced to have sex without condoms so that it will feel better ‘for men’, because there are no condoms in porn scenes, its my business when women are lying and faking their orgasms because porn has taught men that sex is about THEIR pleasure, and that sex is just endlessly pumping their dick into a woman over and over again, it’s my business when I can’t look up anything on the internet without coming across advertisements for porn, its my business when I can’t look up any information on my sexual orientation without being overrun by porn even with the safe search on. Its my business, its my business,its my fucking business.
That’s the expected cost to taxpayers over 10 years from Obama’s proposed free tuition plan, the White House admitted Friday.
That’s about the cost of 8 months of war in Iraq. Seems like a much better investment of my tax dollars to me.
I bolded
It’s amazing how 80 billion isn’t worth mentioning when it’s about killing people, but is suddenly a huge, horrifying barrier when it’s about improving lives.
I’d still pay for it this. I’d be the one good thing my taxes would be going towards. Cause it sure ain’t going to infrastructure or schools at this rate »
Real talk, if any of you guys need me to be your fake gf/BF because you got some creep talking to you, let me know. I got you. I’ll make myself look hot and be all lovey and intimidating so they can hop off
Any time guys I got you. No strings attached fake relationship partner here ready to go.
I have the possessive girlfriend thing down and I’ve been told that I do scary like no one else. I expect nothing in return. I got you covered.
sometimes i’m like “why am i still here” but then i realize that i’m often the only person who is around to take bad-to-eat stuff out of my dog’s mouth and i think there’s this sort of western idea of “if youre not CEO youre nothing special” but my dog is still alive bc of me and i’m still alive bc of other people so maybe i’m just here to pet cats and wear sweaters and help people take the glass out of their mouth. you know? maybe i won’t be CEO but maybe i’ll be able to help somebody afford their trip home. and i think that’s pretty okay, you know?
This one time i was in church and my mom said she would give me 10$ if while the priest was flinging “holy water” at us i would run into the aisle once he passed and start hissing and screaming “IT BURNS”
do u know how many angry Christians i got in my inbox because of this
666?
Why isn’t anyone talking about what a great sense of humor your mom has?
my mom just came to me and ranted about how everyone is making this facebook status that says, “raising teenagers is like nailing jello to a tree”. she was so baffled by this because she said, “you were pretty easy to raise as teenagers. all you did was sleep and eat.”
so to prove some point she’s going to nail a small cup of jello to a tree.
she’s so pleased with her self
incredible
parents are weird
yeah but this is about as accurate as it gets.
you say “nail jello to a tree” and most people think jello all by itself.
but if you put any actual thought into what you’re doing and then give it just a little support
what’s it like to be taller than 5’2”??? is it nice? can you comfortabley reach cupboards?
We live in constant fear of the short ones, who (in my experience) will climb 4 chairs, 2 boxes, a small coffee table, and 6 oddly placed stools to get what they want
Alright story time.
I’m 6′0″, and one of the ways I assert my dominance over short people poke fun at short people is by holding my hand all the way up and asking them for a high five.
I do this all the time, but in highschool, I was friends with this one girl who I swear was about 4′5″ at most, and I put my hand all the way up and asked her for a high five.
Without hesitation, she literally climbed up my side like a fucking ladder and gave me the high five before hopping off and staring at my slack jawed face.
The Deserter’s Song (Radical Face) :: Man Burning (Josh Ritter) :: Hail St. Sebastian (The Mountain Goats) :: Hebrews 11:40 (The Mountain Goats) :: This Losing Fight (Sons of Bill) :: When The Pin Hits The Shell (The Drive-By Truckers) :: Hurt (Quiet) (Nine Inch Nails) :: All Is Well (It’s Only Blood (Radical Face) :: Good Man (Josh Ritter) :: Amy aka Spent Gladiator 1 (The Mountain Goats)
It is the year after the Battle of Hogwarts. School is starting again. And the thestrals are confused by all of the attention they are getting.
oh
oh no
you BITCH
WHY IS THIS NOT A THING I’VE CONSIDERED?
No. NO. Sit the fuck down, we’re going to talk about this.
The year after the Battle of Hogwarts. Students nervously climbing into the carriages (no first years, thank god, no one wants to think about that) and eyeing the creatures in front of them. Is this some sort of stunt? Like a memorial?
Hagrid showing the fifth years the thestrals. He wonders if he should, if this is asking too much, but he thinks it would be wrong to keep the truth from them. There are more in the class who can see them than those who can’t.
He wakes to a knock on his door after nightfall. For a second he thinks it’s those three again, but no, that’s not right. He shuffles to the door, holding Fang down behind him, and finds a wide-eyed second year on his doorstep. They came to ask about the horses.
Hagrid isn’t one to turn someone away, so he ushers the child inside and puts the kettle on. He explains they’re not quite horses. They’re gentle creatures, really. Yes, you have to…you have to have seen things to see them, too. But they wouldn’t do anyone harm.
Can he see them? Why, yes, he can, has for the longest time. Ever since his Dad…ever since…
Hagrid stops for a moment, unable to speak. But the child at his table waits patiently, understanding. This is not the first time they have heard someone’s voice catch on the words. It’s reassuring, somehow, hearing an adult share the same problem.
They drink a pot of tea before Hagrid sees the kid back to the school, Fang loping along beside them. It’s reassuring to have these two massive, almost comical forms tromping to the front door. Safe.
Hagrid warns not to go out after dark again. If you want to visit, come along any time in the day.
The next time he opens his door, there are three. Third years, this time. They know a little more, more than they ought to, he thinks. Makes him feel nostalgic.
He sits them down as before and has a long talk. They’re less open, keep glancing at each other as they speak, but he can see they have questions. It’s just a matter of waiting them out.
This goes on for weeks. Hagrid sees a steady stream of students at his door until he’s sure at least half the school has walked across his mat at some point. One day McGonagall approaches him and suggests a change in the curriculum. Perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to move a few things up on the syllabus? If he’s willing, of course.
Hagrid leads more students into the forest. He sees their faces, eyes wide with fear, as they see the creatures in the light of day. He patiently explains that they’re quiet animals, don’t much like a lot of noise. Easier to manage, certainly. That’s why they pull the school carriages.
He finds taking them once isn’t enough. Students keep asking to see the thestrals. Bewildered, he takes them back again and again, watching as the kids sidle up to stroke the long, black wings. They hold out bits of meat to the sharp beaks and whisper calming words under their breath.
Gradually, the looks of fear subside into something else. More than once he hears someone say these things are all right. Kids show up at his doorstep to ask about what he does and what kinds of animals he’s seen. Someone even says they might like to be a teacher like he is someday.
He doesn’t know what to say to that. His eyes glisten and he makes a sound like a trumpet as he blows his nose. He hears a giggle when he knocks over the umbrella stand with his elbow.
Things have changed, he thinks. He leads children into the forest because they ask, not because they’ve been punished. Students are clambering to get into his classes when it used to be seen as a last resort. People don’t stare up at him with suspicion or fear when he walks the halls these days.
They aren’t afraid of monsters anymore. They fear the people who become them.
So, in starbucks today, a random guy came up to my and told me I was very pretty and nice eyes.
And, as a feminist, I was okay with it.
Because he did it correctly.
He stood four feet away from me and started out with “excuse me” and waited until I nodded before approaching. He then introduced himself and we shook hands and then he gave a compliment and went on his way.
He didnt catcall. He didnt harass. He didnt use inappropriate language. He asked for permission.
Take note, gentlemen.
i just loved the fact that he actually WAITED for her CONSENT
BEFORE approaching her
and not only that
he didn’t sexualize her
i mean
finally, someone gets it
To the morons that say it can’t be done. Mmhmm… We aren’t saying we don’t like compliments. We’re saying we don’t like being harressed, we don’t like being cat-called, we don’t like to be treated like we’re an object…
A very nice veteran and I had a nice conversation before I went into the store to do my shopping (he was selling things for a veteran charity), and when I came out he gave me a faux rose and told me how it made his day to talk to a very nice and pretty young lady. This my dears is a gentleman. This made my day. I still have this flower about four years later. DO IT RIGHT.
And approaching someone politely and introducing yourself is so important.
I have some issues with men I don’t know very well interacting with me. But one of my most cherished memories–the one I go back to when I’m having a terrible day or when I decide that men are all pure evil–is of this time I was working at a drink stand at a festival. I looked like a goddamn mess, dressed in a bright green stock volunteer shirt after three hours standing in a food tent. This guy, a few years older than me, came up to me, introduced himself, remarked that he worked on one of the rides up the hill, and asked if he could have a coffee. He talked to me like a competent adult, helped me clean up his coffee like a champ when I was a clumsy-ass fucker and knocked it over, told me a few jokes at his own expense to make me feel better after the coffee thing, and then went “You know, I just wanted to tell you that you really made my day.” And I’m awkward as hell, so I kind of laughed and went “You must need better days.” I expected him to chuckle and leave it at that, so imagine my surprise when instead he looked genuinely upset and protested “No, really, I came down here for coffee and instead I met a great girl.” He remarked on how smart and funny he thought I was and added that I was so gorgeous I even made the volunteer shirt look good. He asked me out, I had to say no because I was about to leave for college, and he just shrugged, smiled, and said “Take it as a compliment then, beautiful.” I never saw him again, and he probably doesn’t remember that I exist, never mind imagining for a second how much that meant to me, someone with four sexual assaults under my belt by that point. He was complimentary, funny, well-mannered, and above all he was respectful. At no point did I feel threatened by him or his interest, nor did I ever feel like he would become angry or violent when I turned him down.
That was two years ago.
If I ever have kids, or my friends ever have kids, that’s the story I’m going to tell them when they ask what a good guy acts like. Not a nice guy–a GOOD one.
straight guys are absurd. i once asked one if they’d kiss a boy for $50,000 and they said no. at that point it’s not even gay it’s just the best option
