i dont get offended at white people jokes even though im white because:
- i can recognize white people as a whole have systemically oppressed POC in america, which is where i live
- most people when they make white people jokes only mean the shitty white people and i am not a shitty white person
- im not a pissbaby
my white friends that have reblogged this give me life
i love how after CAM’s dramatic unveiling of the bonfire footage and ‘look how you care about John Watson’ Sherlock’s just like
well bro, u got me
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
“I’m on Tumblr mobile and can’t see the picture, but I’m 5000% sure that it’s-”
I’m on Tumblr mobile and can’t see the picture, but I’m 5000% sure that it’s Mr Fizzles sensing Im a liar
Gave my students a pop quiz today and learned something new:
If you make all the answers to the questions C, you will see 35 of the most hilariously panicked and confused faces in the world.
are you satan
you really do not live up to your url
I usually have two or more sets of headcanons with characters
Headcanon A: what I think realistically
Headcanon B: what I think is fucking hilariousyou forgot
C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friendsthat falls under hilarious
who here knows how to dismantle a security camera
everybody on here always acts like some criminal mastermind when in reality 40 of you guys told me to smash it with a rock and at least 3 told me to seduce it
My dad accidentally threw a cheese grater at me so I left the room and he yelled “come back here you ungrateful child” while laughing hysterically
Update my mom just told me that if I had even a ‘shred’ of decency I would go back in there
Update #2: my dad apologized and told me he had only done it for ‘the grater good’
why the fuck does everyone in the purge movies want to kill people if crime was legal i’d find a way to erase my student debt and also probably steal a bunch of new clothes
I’d go to a fancy restaurant and not pay.
I want the first time Natasha meets Darcy to go as follows:
Darcy walks in with Thor because her car broke down on the way to the Avengers party and he had to go get her… Again. She walks in and Thor introduces her. Nat is just normal and says it is nice to meet you…
people should just reply to anon hate with this
damn dude thats brutal
I honestly don’t know which of these is more guilt tripping
i remember back in first grade my school did this thing every year called a readathon where everyone wore pajamas to school and we had blankets and pillows and we built little nests on the floor and literally did nothing but read all day with periodical hot chocolate breaks and it was ENFORCED that everyone had to read the whole time i think i just defined paradise
i am 27 and i think this sounds like a wonderful day
I WANT A TRUE HORROR MOVIE WHERE ALL THE CHARACTERS ARE INTELLIGENT AND DO ALL THE RIGHT THINGS AND TAKE ALL THE PROPER PRECAUTIONS BUT STILL WIND UP GETTING KILLED BY THE ANTAGONIST
NOTHING IS SCARIER THAN DOING EVERYTHING YOU CAN IN VAIN AND STARING IN THE FACE OF FUTILITY
(plus I would like not to yell at the characters for being dumb for once)
*pulls up to the fanfic drive-thru window* uh yeah, i’ll take a fake relationship with a side of mutual pining and thinking the other isn’t interested, thanks
#[comes into fanfic restaurant] I DIDN’T ORDER ANY OOC-NESS MAKE ME A NEW ONE
i choose to believe that marvel are secretly filming a black widow movie and they are going to pull a beyonce on us and release it without warning
When they make a black widow movie, the trailer needs to be all mysterious and the song playing needs to be Scarlett Johansson singing a lullaby cover of the itsy bitsy spider
I need this in my life
That sounds fucking terrifying.
The lullaby should be in Russian.
This is like my 10th time Reblogging but it’s too good not to
DO YOU KNOW THAT KIND OF WRITER’S BLOCK WHERE YOU ALREADY HAVE A PLOT, YOU KNOW WHAT TO WRITE BUT YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO WRITE IT AND YOU JUST STARE AT THE COMPUTER SCREEN FOR HOURS UNTIL YOU FINALLY CLOSE THE DOCUMENT AND CURSE YOUR ENTIRE EXISTENCE
CAUSE I DO
Yes.