sometimes i’m like “why am i still here” but then i realize that i’m often the only person who is around to take bad-to-eat stuff out of my dog’s mouth and i think there’s this sort of western idea of “if youre not CEO youre nothing special” but my dog is still alive bc of me and i’m still alive bc of other people so maybe i’m just here to pet cats and wear sweaters and help people take the glass out of their mouth. you know? maybe i won’t be CEO but maybe i’ll be able to help somebody afford their trip home. and i think that’s pretty okay, you know?
This one time i was in church and my mom said she would give me 10$ if while the priest was flinging “holy water” at us i would run into the aisle once he passed and start hissing and screaming “IT BURNS”
do u know how many angry Christians i got in my inbox because of this
666?
Why isn’t anyone talking about what a great sense of humor your mom has?
my mom just came to me and ranted about how everyone is making this facebook status that says, “raising teenagers is like nailing jello to a tree”. she was so baffled by this because she said, “you were pretty easy to raise as teenagers. all you did was sleep and eat.”
so to prove some point she’s going to nail a small cup of jello to a tree.
she’s so pleased with her self
incredible
parents are weird
yeah but this is about as accurate as it gets.
you say “nail jello to a tree” and most people think jello all by itself.
but if you put any actual thought into what you’re doing and then give it just a little support
what’s it like to be taller than 5’2”??? is it nice? can you comfortabley reach cupboards?
We live in constant fear of the short ones, who (in my experience) will climb 4 chairs, 2 boxes, a small coffee table, and 6 oddly placed stools to get what they want
Alright story time.
I’m 6′0″, and one of the ways I assert my dominance over short people poke fun at short people is by holding my hand all the way up and asking them for a high five.
I do this all the time, but in highschool, I was friends with this one girl who I swear was about 4′5″ at most, and I put my hand all the way up and asked her for a high five.
Without hesitation, she literally climbed up my side like a fucking ladder and gave me the high five before hopping off and staring at my slack jawed face.
The Deserter’s Song (Radical Face) :: Man Burning (Josh Ritter) :: Hail St. Sebastian (The Mountain Goats) :: Hebrews 11:40 (The Mountain Goats) :: This Losing Fight (Sons of Bill) :: When The Pin Hits The Shell (The Drive-By Truckers) :: Hurt (Quiet) (Nine Inch Nails) :: All Is Well (It’s Only Blood (Radical Face) :: Good Man (Josh Ritter) :: Amy aka Spent Gladiator 1 (The Mountain Goats)
It is the year after the Battle of Hogwarts. School is starting again. And the thestrals are confused by all of the attention they are getting.
oh
oh no
you BITCH
WHY IS THIS NOT A THING I’VE CONSIDERED?
No. NO. Sit the fuck down, we’re going to talk about this.
The year after the Battle of Hogwarts. Students nervously climbing into the carriages (no first years, thank god, no one wants to think about that) and eyeing the creatures in front of them. Is this some sort of stunt? Like a memorial?
Hagrid showing the fifth years the thestrals. He wonders if he should, if this is asking too much, but he thinks it would be wrong to keep the truth from them. There are more in the class who can see them than those who can’t.
He wakes to a knock on his door after nightfall. For a second he thinks it’s those three again, but no, that’s not right. He shuffles to the door, holding Fang down behind him, and finds a wide-eyed second year on his doorstep. They came to ask about the horses.
Hagrid isn’t one to turn someone away, so he ushers the child inside and puts the kettle on. He explains they’re not quite horses. They’re gentle creatures, really. Yes, you have to…you have to have seen things to see them, too. But they wouldn’t do anyone harm.
Can he see them? Why, yes, he can, has for the longest time. Ever since his Dad…ever since…
Hagrid stops for a moment, unable to speak. But the child at his table waits patiently, understanding. This is not the first time they have heard someone’s voice catch on the words. It’s reassuring, somehow, hearing an adult share the same problem.
They drink a pot of tea before Hagrid sees the kid back to the school, Fang loping along beside them. It’s reassuring to have these two massive, almost comical forms tromping to the front door. Safe.
Hagrid warns not to go out after dark again. If you want to visit, come along any time in the day.
The next time he opens his door, there are three. Third years, this time. They know a little more, more than they ought to, he thinks. Makes him feel nostalgic.
He sits them down as before and has a long talk. They’re less open, keep glancing at each other as they speak, but he can see they have questions. It’s just a matter of waiting them out.
This goes on for weeks. Hagrid sees a steady stream of students at his door until he’s sure at least half the school has walked across his mat at some point. One day McGonagall approaches him and suggests a change in the curriculum. Perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to move a few things up on the syllabus? If he’s willing, of course.
Hagrid leads more students into the forest. He sees their faces, eyes wide with fear, as they see the creatures in the light of day. He patiently explains that they’re quiet animals, don’t much like a lot of noise. Easier to manage, certainly. That’s why they pull the school carriages.
He finds taking them once isn’t enough. Students keep asking to see the thestrals. Bewildered, he takes them back again and again, watching as the kids sidle up to stroke the long, black wings. They hold out bits of meat to the sharp beaks and whisper calming words under their breath.
Gradually, the looks of fear subside into something else. More than once he hears someone say these things are all right. Kids show up at his doorstep to ask about what he does and what kinds of animals he’s seen. Someone even says they might like to be a teacher like he is someday.
He doesn’t know what to say to that. His eyes glisten and he makes a sound like a trumpet as he blows his nose. He hears a giggle when he knocks over the umbrella stand with his elbow.
Things have changed, he thinks. He leads children into the forest because they ask, not because they’ve been punished. Students are clambering to get into his classes when it used to be seen as a last resort. People don’t stare up at him with suspicion or fear when he walks the halls these days.
They aren’t afraid of monsters anymore. They fear the people who become them.
So, in starbucks today, a random guy came up to my and told me I was very pretty and nice eyes.
And, as a feminist, I was okay with it.
Because he did it correctly.
He stood four feet away from me and started out with “excuse me” and waited until I nodded before approaching. He then introduced himself and we shook hands and then he gave a compliment and went on his way.
He didnt catcall. He didnt harass. He didnt use inappropriate language. He asked for permission.
Take note, gentlemen.
i just loved the fact that he actually WAITED for her CONSENT
BEFORE approaching her
and not only that
he didn’t sexualize her
i mean
finally, someone gets it
To the morons that say it can’t be done. Mmhmm… We aren’t saying we don’t like compliments. We’re saying we don’t like being harressed, we don’t like being cat-called, we don’t like to be treated like we’re an object…
A very nice veteran and I had a nice conversation before I went into the store to do my shopping (he was selling things for a veteran charity), and when I came out he gave me a faux rose and told me how it made his day to talk to a very nice and pretty young lady. This my dears is a gentleman. This made my day. I still have this flower about four years later. DO IT RIGHT.
And approaching someone politely and introducing yourself is so important.
I have some issues with men I don’t know very well interacting with me. But one of my most cherished memories–the one I go back to when I’m having a terrible day or when I decide that men are all pure evil–is of this time I was working at a drink stand at a festival. I looked like a goddamn mess, dressed in a bright green stock volunteer shirt after three hours standing in a food tent. This guy, a few years older than me, came up to me, introduced himself, remarked that he worked on one of the rides up the hill, and asked if he could have a coffee. He talked to me like a competent adult, helped me clean up his coffee like a champ when I was a clumsy-ass fucker and knocked it over, told me a few jokes at his own expense to make me feel better after the coffee thing, and then went “You know, I just wanted to tell you that you really made my day.” And I’m awkward as hell, so I kind of laughed and went “You must need better days.” I expected him to chuckle and leave it at that, so imagine my surprise when instead he looked genuinely upset and protested “No, really, I came down here for coffee and instead I met a great girl.” He remarked on how smart and funny he thought I was and added that I was so gorgeous I even made the volunteer shirt look good. He asked me out, I had to say no because I was about to leave for college, and he just shrugged, smiled, and said “Take it as a compliment then, beautiful.” I never saw him again, and he probably doesn’t remember that I exist, never mind imagining for a second how much that meant to me, someone with four sexual assaults under my belt by that point. He was complimentary, funny, well-mannered, and above all he was respectful. At no point did I feel threatened by him or his interest, nor did I ever feel like he would become angry or violent when I turned him down.
That was two years ago.
If I ever have kids, or my friends ever have kids, that’s the story I’m going to tell them when they ask what a good guy acts like. Not a nice guy–a GOOD one.
straight guys are absurd. i once asked one if they’d kiss a boy for $50,000 and they said no. at that point it’s not even gay it’s just the best option
I HATE WHEN PEOPLE ARE GROSSED OUT BY UNUSED TAMPONS. THATS LIKE BEING GROSSED OUT BY UNUSED NAPKINS, OR CLEAN SHEETS, OR CLEAN UNDERWEAR. LIKE OMG ITS NOT GOING TO HURT YOU. ITS CLEAN. TAMPONS EXIST WHY DO WOMEN HAVE TO BE EMBARRASSED OR HIDE THEM. ugh
Once I had an unopened box of tampons in plain view and my stepdad acted like that was some huge breach of social etiquette. I asked why on earth he was acting so weird about it, and he said, “Well you wouldn’t want me leaving a box of condoms lying around would you?”
Okay first of all, that you’re even implying that tampons and condoms are comparable items is fucking stupid since condoms are used for sex and tampons are used to like, you know, not bleed all the fuck over ourselves during this biological function none of us can stop. So that begs the question of why the fuck you’re sexualizing periods or items required to live hygienically during one, wherein the answer is that you believe vaginas are inherently sexual and only exist as something to stick your dick in. Because me leaving an unopened box of tampons in view is literally the same thing as leaving a stick of deodorant or a bar of fucking soap out on the counter if you’re considering them by their function. But God forbid I remind you vaginas exist in neutral everyday circumstances and that they don’t just manifest when you wanna fuck one.
Apparently my director went to see a production of West Side Story a few years ago, and the guy playing Chino forgot his gun before coming out for his final scene. Once it got to the big scene where he is supposed to shoot Tony, he screeched “Poison Boots” and kicked the actor playing Tony until he went down. The girl playing Maria then had to jerk the shoe off of Chino’s foot, and had to do the gunshot scene asking “How many kicks Chino? How many kicks, and one kick left for me”.
There should be a blog dedicated to theatrical urban legends. Like that opening weekend of Dracula where Dracula (still hungover) vomited all over the audience during the first stage direction that everyone has a friend of a friend that worked on the show and was there.
or the one where the bridge never came out for Javert’s suicide and so he just pretended to stab himself and then lay there until the lights went out
best story i heard was when a friend of mine saw a show where juliet forgot to bring the dagger out on stage so she just ripped the squib out of her chest and blood squirted everywhere
During a passion play a friend of my brother was supposedly in, one of the roman soldiers who was supposed to stab jesus on the cross and accidentally grabbed the wrong spear- he was supposed to grab one with a fake tip, but instead he grabbed one with an actual metal tip and, well
Jesus screamed “JESUS CHRIST YOU STABBED ME”.
Since that Jesus had to be taken down due to a bad case of stab-itis, the backup Jesus came in, but he weighed significantly less than the original Jesus- which would have been fine, except that at the end the cross was supposed to ascend upwards with Jesus on it, and the weights hadn’t been adjusted.
So Jesus, instead, ROCKETED UP into heaven (or, just, above the stage).
everyone is always like oh plato wsa such a smart guy look at all his philosophy but plato thought everything was made of triangles and a bunch of other garbage. i dont respect dead people as experts on anything anymore, i know more things than plato did about most things easy. bet i could take him in a fight too.
no way plato was ripped. ‘plato’ was a nickname given to him by his wrestling coach & meant ‘broad’.
thanks for the heads up but it doesnt matter how broad he is im gonna fight plato and i will Win.
you guys. plato didnt even know how the heart worked. they didn’t even know that. i know so much more about how everything works than plato ever will already and he can fricken deal with the Ideal Form of my elbow in his solar plexus
If Plato thought everything was made of triangles, maybe he just lived in a 3d rendered low quality video game. I wasn’t there. I don’t know that he wasn’t.
Plato might have been jacked for his time but remember that people were like two feet shorter back then on average so I could just put my hand on his nerd forehead and watch him swing in vain toward my empowered-by-modern-nutrition-and-medicine body.
i’m thrilled to see we’re finally getting around to beating up philosophers but could we maybe do this right and just skip straight to ayn rand?
I think the real reason why Native suffering and oppression doesn’t get discussed is because it would require a lot of people in this country to really do some serious critical analysis of what this country and government has done and is still doing and that the thought is too heavy and unfathomable for them to even process it. So instead they make excuses, they make justifications, they blow off any and all talk about it, and they put the blame and contempt on us instead of our oppressors, because the reality of it all would just be too much for them to possibly comprehend.
And pardon me if I can’t sympathize with you for choosing to tune out something that is a reality for us every single day. You’re not listening, you don’t want to listen, and because of that people are still suffering and dying. I can’t be understanding and sympathetic towards you. Not when Indigenous women still go missing and murdered in Canada by the hundreds. Not when one in three of those women will be sexually assaulted at least once in their lifetime. Not when Native children are being kidnapped by the government and taken away from their families. Not when Hollywood still continues to churn out harmful stories and messages that degrade us further. Not when people on the reservations are killing themselves.
Hate is not the opposite of love. Indifference is. And people have been VERY indifferent towards Indigenous people for a long time.
okay, i have been trying to say this in a way that makes sense for ages, so here goes:
a lot of hatred of dresses, pink, stereotypically “feminine” stuff is based on internalized misogyny. and that’s definitely something we all need to look at within ourselves and address and work on.
but: a lot of hatred of dresses, pink, stereotypically “feminine” stuff is based on the fact that femininity is compulsory for people who are assigned female at birth.
like, this is a fact. this isn’t something i’m making up. femininity is compulsory. i have to wear dresses and makeup to be taken seriously when i go to job interviews, when i go to social occasions, when i present myself in any formal setting. when i don’t do that, people notice. they’re rude to me.
when i shop in the men’s section, store employees and customers glare at me! my relatives press feminine clothes on me during the holiday season because they think i should dress in a more feminine way! when i go to get my hair cut and ask for it to be cut in a certain style, the woman cutting my hair literally ignores that explicit instruction because it’s “too butch”. femininity is compulsory! i am not allowed to present my gender the way i would like to present my gender!
it’s not the fault of femininity that it’s being forced on me. and the patriarchy does devalue femininity. and the current rhetoric of “you can wear pink and skirts and still be a feminist and still be queer and it’s other people’s fault for not taking you seriously, not yours for dressing that way” is great.
but i’ve heard people say to me, “you can wear lipstick and dresses and still be a feminist” about a thousand times, and i have never, ever, ever heard someone say to me, “you can refuse to wear lipstick and dresses and you are no less of a woman than someone who does wear them.” i had to figure that out all on my own.
i’m allowed to be angry at the cis women who force me to present myself in a way that i don’t want to present myself. i am allowed to do that.
I will scream the bolded from the rooftops for you if you want. <3
What is America’s obsession with Bill Nye the Science Guy I once said in class that I had never seen it and this girl yelled YOU’VE NEVER WATCHED BILL NYE and in 5 seconds flat half the class was screaming HOW COULD YOU HAVE NEVER WATCHED BILL NYE while the other half chanted BILL BILL BILL BILL
America is starting to sound like a fucking cult tbh
Get a rat and put it in a cage and give it two water bottles. One is just water, and one is water laced with either heroin or cocaine. If you do that, the rat will almost always prefer the drugged water and almost always kill itself very quickly, right, within a couple of weeks. So there you go. It’s our theory of addiction.
Bruce comes along in the ’70s and said, “Well, hang on a minute. We’re putting the rat in an empty cage. It’s got nothing to do. Let’s try this a little bit differently.” So Bruce built Rat Park, and Rat Park is like heaven for rats. Everything your rat about town could want, it’s got in Rat Park. It’s got lovely food. It’s got sex. It’s got loads of other rats to be friends with. It’s got loads of colored balls. Everything your rat could want. And they’ve got both the water bottles. They’ve got the drugged water and the normal water. But here’s the fascinating thing. In Rat Park, they don’t like the drugged water. They hardly use any of it. None of them ever overdose. None of them ever use in a way that looks like compulsion or addiction. There’s a really interesting human example I’ll tell you about in a minute, but what Bruce says is that shows that both the right-wing and left-wing theories of addiction are wrong. So the right-wing theory is it’s a moral failing, you’re a hedonist, you party too hard. The left-wing theory is it takes you over, your brain is hijacked. Bruce says it’s not your morality, it’s not your brain; it’s your cage. Addiction is largely an adaptation to your environment.
[…]
We’ve created a society where significant numbers of our fellow citizens cannot bear to be present in their lives without being drugged, right? We’ve created a hyperconsumerist, hyperindividualist, isolated world that is, for a lot of people, much more like that first cage than it is like the bonded, connected cages that we need.
The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection. And our whole society, the engine of our society, is geared towards making us connect with things. If you are not a good consumer capitalist citizen, if you’re spending your time bonding with the people around you and not buying stuff—in fact, we are trained from a very young age to focus our hopes and our dreams and our ambitions on things we can buy and consume. And drug addiction is really a subset of that.
With the amount of “stop, drop, and roll” education I received growing up, I kinda thought catching on fire would be a more common problem as an adult.
people you send them to can be charged with possession of child pornography
you can be charged with distribution of child pornography
don’t take nudes
This is not about body shaming, this is not about ‘telling you what to do with your sexuality’ this is literally a federal crime don’t fuck with the law okay.
I hate people who encourage underage girls on this site to share their bodies. Please report it to tumblr support if you see this. It’s not about “dobbing” people in, it’s a legal issue and is harmful to minors.
Listen if I want to fucking send a nude to my boyfriend of over a year I fucking will I’m pretty god damn sure the government doesn’t have my phone tapped.
the government literally does have your phone tapped… and if you break up with your boyfriend he can ruin your life with those pictures… long story short don’t send underage nudes
SWIFTIES THIS IS NOT A DRILL TAYLOR IS CURRENTLY LOSING TO IGGY AZALEA BY 300K+ VOTES I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL PLEASE REBLOG THIS TO SPREAD THE WORD
Or by simply tweeting “I’m voting for @taylorswift13 for the #BBMAs Chart Achievement Award! You can vote here: http://bit.ly/BBMAsFanVote” (without the “ ”).
If you’re an international fan, use Holato bypass area restriction.
UPDATE: We are slowly catching up on the number of votes via tweets but Iggy is still on the lead. We can do this, keep voting!
Reblogging again bc IMPORTANT
COME ON GUYS WE CAN DO THIS
WHERE IS THE SWIFTIE POWER?! CMON GUYS GO GO GO
CMON GUYS
What the fuck? How is she not winning this is a travesty!
We can each vote ONE HUNDRED times per day. That’s the limit. Why do we slack so hard on fan voted categories????
As of 11:40 am central time, Taylor has 916,908 votes and Iggy has 1,040,235. WE CAN DO THIS.
one of my favorite things is that there is surprisingly little scientific literature about the common house cat, because it turns out cats are the least cooperative research animals on the planet. They don’t care what you want them to do. food? you know what, we’ve decided we’re not even hungry right now. what is this, a maze? we’re gonna sit right here and lick ourselves for the next forty-five minutes, what are you gonna do about it.
it’s like, “okay science, we’ve done about 4000 tests to determine the intelligence and emotional perspicacity of domestic dogs, let’s do cats next”
“well sir, we’ve conducted a full battery of all the standard tests”
Every time I’m reminded about how amazing Ginny is, by a friend or a post or a stray thought —
Like how great her talent must be at Quidditch for being able to play both Chaser and Seeker competitively and even beating other players who’ve been training as Seeker the whole term while she only filled in for Harry…
Or how she always, always, always defends those who cannot defend themselves — that girl from the battle, Luna, Neville, and even Harry…
Or how she must have been the loyal friend to Hermione when Harry and Ron were being idiot boys quarreling with her…
Or how she fought against the trauma of being possessed by Voldemort, and how she never lost her sense of humor in spite of everything that had happened, and how deeply she still cared for those around her…
Or how she always understood Harry on a level that needed no words and explanations…
I think to myself, “man, Harry must love her so much.” He would probably get moments where he would just stare at her and count himself lucky not only because she loves him, but also for the simple fact that she is there with him, she is in his world, she exists. He would just look at her and think, “Marry me,” and even after they were already married, he’d still get those moments. And he’ll always have those moments for the rest of his life because Ginny is his great love and that is beautiful because I could not wish anything less for him.
There’s a glitter war in my house. It started with me putting glitter in my sisters bed. She then threw the glitter on me, covering the couch with sparkles as well. At this point, it has escalated to a point where there’s glitter in the fridge, the freezer. You can’t eat food without chowing down on some. It’s in every room of the house, coating everything. My brother went to school with an outfit that could put David Bowie to shame. Today we had to have a family meeting, and I have never seen two people look so disappointed and so fabulous.
PETITION TO MAKE LEARNING ANOTHER LANGUAGE COMPULSORY IN ENGLISH-SPEAKING COUNTRIES FROM A YOUNG AGE BECAUSE ENGLISH SPEAKERS ARE LAZY ASSWIPES WHO EXPECT EVERYONE TO SPEAK ENGLISH AND NEVER BOTHER EVEN LEARNING ANY OTHER LANGUAGE.
Actually, most of us would love speak another language but our education system sucks so we literally learn 4 words. It’s not because we are all lazy.
AMEN TO THAT
AMEN GURL. How can you stereotype all English people as lazy you little worm
^^THIS. I took nine years of public school Spanish (VOLUNTARILY, I MIGHT ADD) and I can name you like six colors, five buildings, and a handful of emotions. Working hard to learn another language DOES NOT MAKE UP FOR SHITTY-ASS CLASSES.
So, there’s this girl. She’s tragically orphaned and richer than anyone on the planet. Every guy she meets falls in love with her, but in between torrid romances she rejects them all because she dedicated to what is Pure and Good. She has genius level intellect, Olympic-athelete level athletic ability and incredible good looks. She is consumed by terrible angst, but this only makes guys want her more. She has no superhuman abilities, yet she is more competent than her superhuman friends and defeats superhumans with ease. She has unshakably loyal friends and allies, despite the fact she treats them pretty badly. They fear and respect her, and defer to her orders. Everyone is obsessed with her, even her enemies are attracted to her. She can plan ahead for anything and she’s generally right with any conclusion she makes. People who defy her are inevitably wrong.
