When you hear a new song on the radio and you’re desperately trying to pick a notable phrase so you can google it later
Gather round, kids. Let me tell you a story from ye olden days because I am tumblr elderly. I used to DJ for a radio station. I played records and CDs and we had station IDs from bands on 8 track cartes. People would call me asking what songs were–but they had to mumble, sing, or play the song on an instrument. I had someone call me to ask what Smells Like Teen Spirit was when it was a single. They played it on an accordion. I forgot about it until a moment ago when I saw this post.
You know what I want to see more of in sci fi? Aliens who deviate from their species’ “norm.”
Like, queer aliens, but queer in alien terms; like, aliens whose typical family unit is a trio comprised of three different gendersexes, but sometimes aliens will form trios that only have two different gendersexes, and they still produce viable offspring, but only of the two parent gendersexes, and that carries a social stigma because each gendersex is supposed to play a separate role in the family unit.
Aliens for whom it is the norm to change gendersex upon reaching a certain age, but sometimes (possibly due to a genetic anomaly) it doesn’t happen, so those aliens either a) continue to present as a juvenile gender despite being a stage 2 adult, b) present as a stage 2 adult despite their physical characteristics, or c) undergo medical procedures to change their body artificially, though the technology in that area is still imperfect.
Or disabled aliens who have prosthetic tails/fins/wings/tentacles/etc. Aquatic aliens who can’t hold their breath for an accepted amount of time and so have to carry around atmosphere tanks. Aliens with degenerative conditions that are slowly losing their infrared vision. Aliens who lack their species trademark color-changing camouflage skin. Aliens who are allergic to common foods on their own planets and are frustrated that interplanetary restaurants don’t take that into account when listing which menu items are “safe” for which species.
Neurodivergent aliens who are not connected to the hivemind, who do their best to blend in and guess what they are supposed to be doing, but who are cast out when they are discovered, only to have their numbers build up enough that they are able to build a society on their own using communication aids such as verbal or manual language.
Aliens who are just different in small ways, like generally all three eyes are different colors, except that rare genetic quirks sometimes cause two or even all three to be the same color. Aliens born with five fingers instead of four. Aliens who are more coordinated with their prehensile toes than with their hands, which is inconvenient when most products are designed to be used with hands, but they manage. Aliens born with vestigial wings instead of just residual bone nubs. Aliens born without horns or tusks or spines.
and okay, so I’m basically arguing for more diverse representation of aliens, but like, if our default mode of thinking is to assume that all members of a species are a certain way, then what does that say about how we view our own species? that only ones who follow certain norms qualify as “human”?
or whatever maybe i just think that thinking about this sort of stuff is cool.
i just want to say to fic readers that big long rambly comments on fics, where you say the things you loved about it and sometimes get capslocky and squeal and use exclamation points and quote parts and praise the smut or the characterizations or the world building or the chemistry or all of the above, comments like that are fucking incredible and every fic author loves you, thank you
PSA if you send me nice messages and i don’t respond
there is a 100% chance i saw it and it made me super duper uber happy but i have no idea how to respond and i will let it sit in my inbox for days or weeks and smile when i see it but still have no idea how to respond
there is a 0% chance that you annoyed me and i don’t like you.
the only way a han/leia Empire Strikes Back romance plot for finn/poe could work is if one of them is completely oblivious about whats going on (i’d like to think it’s poe) like “come on admit it. you want me to stay because you have feelings for me” “of COURSE i have feelings for you! you’re my best buddy in the whole galaxy” “THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT AND YOU KNOW IT” classic poe
Nah, I think Poe is fully aware of his feelings for Finn what with the whole jacket giving, lip biting thing.
If anyone is oblivious it’s Finn.
“Finn, I love you.”
“I love you too! I’ve never had a best friend before!”
*Rey facepalms in the background and Poe starts to cry because he doesn’t know how to make it any more obvious.*
so you know the rule in fairylands where you cant eat or drink anything or you’ll have to stay there forever? does like.. .eating out/sucking dick count
holy f uck jane
its a serious question
well like, the whole thing is that you cannot have consumed anything belonging to the fey realm. so, yes, probably, you would be stuck there. the same would apply if you just straight up ate a fairy.
new question: would deepthroating count in this case even w/o swallowing
no. temporary doesn’t count, otherwise fairies would all be running about sticking their hands in your mouth to get human servants.
you gotta digest it.
so like??? if you puke afterwards?? maybe it doesn’t count?
huh! i wonder how long is enough time for it to be legit. like whatever goes through your stomach immediately condemns you no matter if you throw it up later?
Well Persephone only ate 6 seeds so she only stayed 6 months, so maybe if you spat out most of it you’d just be condemned to the occasional day “BRB got go pay the two day toll for fellating a fairy.”
“you wanna come over for the weekend?”
“oh man im so sorry i sucked some fairy dick once and now i have to keep coming back to do it again– its a long story”
“you what now”
i can hardly believe this isn’t already the plot of an Oglaf comic
Dads who refuse to do anything that is traditionally considered “feminine” with their daughters are lame dads. I’ve been in the store and overheard a dad tell his little girl who might have been 12 to go by herself to go get pads after she asked him to go with her. “Go get them yourself.” and he looked mortified she even asked him to go. Like dude she clearly looks like she needs help. Take her to the god damn tampon/pad section and help her and if you don’t know what she needs go ask some one in their pharmacy to point out a good choice for you. Tampons and pads are part of pharmacy so chances are they will be able to help. Fuck all that. Help your daughters! They ask you to paint their nails, do it. It might turn out messy but so what? They ask you to have a tea party, do it. Sure the tea might be imaginary or just water and served out of tiny pink cups but get over it.
This. Also, don’t be afraid to teach your daughters “manly” things. You’re building something and she asks what you’re doing? Tell her. Teach her how to use that drill and do it right. Going hunting and she wants to come? Bring her along. She likes auto shop? Take her out to the garage. Even if she doesn’t, teach her how to do a basic oil change, how to change a tire. Teach her how to do things for herself and that she is fully capable of doing it. Don’t divide your kids into gender roles, see them as people.
“gentle reminder that cleopatra’s beauty is rumored to have started wars in ancient history” — a post going around Tumblr
Actually Cleopatra was said to have not actually been that beautiful — men said that until she opened her mouth, she was simply average. What made her beautiful according to Plutarch was her personality and intelligence. Her sparkling wit, charming personality, talent with over half a dozen languages, and in-depth knowledge of almost everything was just so impressive that she often became beautiful in their eyes.
So while that post is nice in that it’s trying to say that women are becoming more beautiful and that if you lived in 30 B.C., you could have started wars, I like this version much better.
You may not be traditionally beautiful, but goddamn neither was Cleopatra and she seduced two of the most powerful men in the world.
An open letter to executive producers, writers, and cast in the age of Twitter, tumblr, AO3, Instagram, Youtube, whatever social media platforms come next, and global audiences.
Congratulations! If you’re reading this its highly doubtful you’re in any way involved in mass media production but I’m fucking sick of shitty audience engagement by multi-billion dollar media companies and anyway this was better than working on my dissertation you’ve probably got a successful show!
That’s fantastic! Your work is being viewed by millions of people! Pat yourself on the back! But wait! Oh dear. There’s a hiccup. Suddenly you notice tweets and messages and questions at SDCC about your characters - your beloved, money-making, copyrighted intellectual property - being…gay??
You didn’t intend this, your protagonist and antagonist and supporting characters and background characters are 100% heterosexual!! What ever will you do?!
Fear not, my hypothetical content creator! I’m about to break down some key do’s and don’ts for when you find yourself suddenly in possession of a queer fandom. I will categorize my advice in three simple levels to help you best choose which type of engagement with your fandom is right for you, your show, and your network: Beginner, Intermediate, and Advanced. Please note: this is not an exhaustive post. I can’t literally write the book for you on how media producers can engage their diverse, 21st century audiences (well, lol I could but you’re not paying me so suck it) and fandoms - like any subculture - vary greatly in demographics, linguistic quirks, norms, and culture. That means there is no ‘one size fits all’ strategy for dealing with your most passionate fans. Theoretically, you have marketing people who earn a paycheck. Make them work for it by doing some actual research instead of just changing the fonts on the SDCC posters.
Ready? No? Well too fucking bad because here we go.
Actually, no, I’m sorry, hold up. We need to lay some groundwork first. Let’s call these our a priori assumptions about fandom in general but queer fandom in particular.
Assumption 1: Your queer fandom is not going anywhere. You’re fucking stuck with us. You will not get rid of us. Better bigger assholes than you show runners, executive producers, marketing teams, writers’ rooms, and casts have tried. We’re still here. We still show up at all the conventions. We still produce fanfiction, art, videos, meta. We still spend ungodly amounts of money, time, and energy engaging with the media you have created. Even sometimes especially when we are angry at it. We are here to stay.
people talk a lot about how public schooling in america is a really fucked up system but i think we should also maybe talk about universities too. like why is being stressed out to a breaking point part of the college experience? why is it accepted and expected that college students will often go without sleep in order to get their work done? i don’t understand why we embrace the idea that college students should be stressed. i think the amount of homework assigned is absurd and unnecessary. it does nothing productive for learning. it just burns students out and makes us lose our drive. and on top of that, we have to pay thousands and thousands of dollars for this torment lmao it’s so ridiculous and honestly kind of sickens me
THIS. I took this weekend mostly off from homework because I analytically know that I don’t have too much and it’s making me absolutely sick with anxiety, even though I really needed the break.
Frollo and Mother Gothel convince Quasimodo and Rapunzel that their lives are dependent on them. The two villains claim the outside world is a terrible place even though they know this is not true. They also constantly emotionally abuse their victims by implying their worthlessness and destroying their self-esteems. Quasimodo and Rapunzel sympathize with their captors and even believe their captors are protecting them and treating them with kindness. However, both captors are merely using and manipulating their victims for their own selfish purposes.
Belle does not sympathize with the Beast when she is treated poorly. She becomes angry and leaves the castle, only returning by her own wish so that the Beast (who saves her) does not freeze to death. She does not respond nicely towards the Beast until he treats her with respect. In this situation, Belle has control and is not manipulated into feeling for the Beast, nor does the Beast treat her disrespectfully after the first night. While the Beast does have an underlying motive as to keeping Belle in his castle, he abandons this idea and sets her free to make her happy. If anything, this story is a case of Lima Syndrome where the captor starts to sympathize with the victim.
Check out this post which refocuses the purpose of Beauty and the Beast from merely (and wrongly) being about Stockholm Syndrome to it’s original purpose.
FUCKING FINALLY
I don’t usually reblog stuff like this, but Beauty and the Beast is my favorite movie and I’d like to have this on my page!
this is actually a very good analysis. I take back all the times I’ve called Beauty and the Beast a ‘stockholm syndrome’ romance.
WHAT IS THE TRADITIONAL DANCE OF THE VUVALINI AND THE ANSWER CANNOT BE THE ELECTRIC SLIDE.
WE NEED HELP OKAY
I’m sorry, I know you need a real answer, but I’m just stuck on the fact that apparently y’all thought that the obvious answer was the Electric Slide and I just. I just cannot. Because. I have this beautiful mental image of Keeper (who in this nice happy mental image is motherfuckin’ alive) teaching a bunch of Wretched plus the Sisters, Max, and Furiosa (who already knows the traditional dance but it’s been a long time, a lot of height, and a prosthetic arm since then, so she’s refining her technique) the ELECTRIC SLIDE.
What do I do with that mental image.
What.
Edit: FURIOSA TEACHING SOME EX-WARBOYS THE DANCE AFTER THE MOVIE? AND IT BECOMES LIKE THIS THING? YOU WIN A BATTLE AND BUST OUT THE FUCKIN’ ELECTRIC SLIDE I JUST.
no offense but the whole kissin kate barlow and “i can fix that” sam storyline from holes is quite frankly one of the most gripping and tragic in the history of cinema and i’m still not recovered from it
Today I skipped class instead of arriving two minutes late because my school’s tardy policy is harsher than its absence policy and that’s all you need to know about the American education system.
So today as a prank I made a sheet music print out of Miley Cyrus’ Wrecking Ball but replaced the name with “Christmas Time Meditation” and deleted the words and I’m going to put it in the with church music and see if the pianist notices.
He noticed and I can now add “Yelled at by two priests at once” to my list of accomplishments
Stormi is a 9-year-old Girl Scout from Illinois. She’s also a trans girl who was placed with her family through foster care, so this year, she decided she wanted to donate Girl Scout Cookies to other kids in foster care.
When she went out to sell cookies with her mom, she knocked on the door of a man who told her that “nobody wants to buy cookies from a boy in a dress.”
She and her family were rightfully devastated by the man’s transphobic comments. But Stormi decided she would have the last word – so she shared her story with trans groups, started selling cookies online, and immediately started raking in sales in the thousands.
By Thursday, Stormi had sold over 3,000 boxes of Girl Scout cookies. She received cookie sales from places as far as Canada and Australia, said Kim [Stormi’s mom].
“It’s just been amazing,” said Kim. “I have not seen Stormi like this in a really long time. It makes me cry because this is something she’ll never forget.”
Stormi now plans to donate cookies to foster kids every year.
“I want kids like me to know they are perfect just the way they are,” said Stormi. “There are people all over the world that love you. Never give up because it does get better.”
do other countries have a groundhog day? do you all gather on February second and watch with bated breathe as a groundhog emerges from its hole? do you forecast the next six weeks of weather based on if the groundhog is frightened by its own shadow and returns to the hole?
is this some kind of thing American tumblr made up to prank us??
groundhog day is real the entire country watches a groundhog predict the weather
People with good parents get so offended when abused children speak negatively of their parents. Like…REALLY offended lol.
They say things like “Your mom would do anything for you” and “Your parents sacrificed a lot for you!” and “I don’t respect anyone who talks down on their parents.”
But just because YOUR parents would do anything for you and sacrificed a lot for you doesn’t mean it applies to all parents. We don’t have the same experience boo. You can’t tell me shit about what my mama would do for me. All moms and dads are not created equal.
REALLY THIS. And I’ve discovered that…like, it extends past parents. Like, don’t get me wrong, my parents are absolutely as good as it gets, they’re great people and they would support me if I said I wanted to make seashell necklaces for the rest of my life (actually no, I’ve always been ridiculously Type A so they would take me to a hospital if I said that, but the point stands). My extended family? Genuine, bona-fide, abusive train wreck. They spectacularly fucked up my parents, who I can never thank enough for the trouble they’ve taken to protect me as best they can. It’s just…a fact of life in my experience that my grandparents treat me like I’m either worthless because I’m terrible at everything or worthless because I’m a girl. My aunts and uncles and cousins (with VERY few exceptions) have taken the party line my entire life. And that’s behavior that I generally consider benign from them. I get panic attacks when they contact me, and the few people who really push the point about “Oh, but they’re your family, you must love them!” and “But they’re your family, of course they love you” piss me the fuck off. Because it doesn’t always work like that. Sometimes something breaks along the line.
I don’t usually say this, but: you don’t know my life. Similarly, I don’t know yours. You tell me you have issues with your parents? Shit, you tell me that you’re waiting on someone to die so that you can get the fuck out? Cool, bro. I’m still here for you, whatever you need. Treat me well and I’ll back you in anything, because fuck, you know what? I’m waiting on my grandmother to die so that I don’t have to fucking watch my mother worry anymore. I’m waiting on her to die so that I can cry and scream for the kid I should have been. I’m waiting for her to die so that I can go to a funeral in a red dress she would have hated, over combat boots that would have made her furious, wearing red lipstick that would have made me call her a whore. Yeah. Sometimes family is shitty. It doesn’t always pan out nicely and you never get to tell someone what they’re allowed to feel about it.
Details of the campaign (as the formal proposal submitted to Salisbury City Council) are here. The suggested sculptor is (as you might have guessed) Paul Kidby. His notes, as part of the proposal, are worth reading.
There is the possibility to add some Nac Mac Feegles(Scottish-style pixies from Pratchett’s writing)to the sculpture which would add an element of humour and surprise to the piece. I think these Feegles would be best placed behind Terry’s feet so they only visible when walking to the back of the sculpture. I think they should be doing something mischievous such as prising the letters off the base and carrying them off – or similar. These small characters would bring an aspect of his Discworld creation directly into the overall piece.
All in all I would hope the sculpture would be unsentimental and a happy depiction of the author that celebrates his achievements and brings pride to the people of Salisbury.
This would be fabulous: I hope Salisbury City Council agrees.
ETA: It also occurs to me that they’d better cast plenty extra of the Nac Mac Feegles, as people will be constantly stealing them the way they keep stealing the Ugly Duckling off the Hans Christian Andersen statue in Central Park.
not voting isn’t refusing to play the game. You’re in this country, you’re subject to the game whether you like it or not. The only way not to play is to leave, and the vast majority of us don’t have that option.
Not voting is playing the game but saying ‘pass’ every time your turn comes up and then wondering why you lost.
Making young people not vote is actually a tactic used in politics to keep the satus quo. The young vote is always the one for change, so dissuading them from voting at all is actually a political tactic used by the people in charge to keep themselves there.
Voting is rebellion.
Remember the founding fathers were mostly in their early to mid twenties when they sparked the revolution
Also, if you feel like your individual vote doesn’t matter in the national election, remember that there are also a shitton of downticket races where the total number of votes cast is way smaller, but that also have the potential for major impact. MAKE SURE YOU VOTE THE WHOLE TICKET. VOTE IN MIDTERM ELECTIONS, AND OFF-YEAR ELECTIONS, AND SPECIAL ELECTIONS.
Vote for governor, because Rick Snyder poisoned Flint but still got a second term. Vote for Attorney General, because there should have been a whole lot more charges brought in Ferguson. Vote for Secretary of State, because they control voter ID and early voting policies. Vote for state legislatures, because we CAN stop the flood of anti-abortion legislation if we try. Vote for county supervisors and city councils and school boards, because they decide if your library gets shafted in the next local budget, and whether homeless people get social services or arrest warrants, and whether zoning restrictions squeeze affordable housing options out of business.
YOUR VOTE DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE. THE PEOPLE WHO ARE TELLING YOU OTHERWISE HAVE AN AGENDA AND IT’S NOT GOOD FOR YOU.
having a flesh vessel is so annoying?????? like they have to be constantly watered, they have to be in specific temperature range to be comfortable, i’ve had a headache for like seven hours and nothing i do will get rid of it,
physical forms are so inconvenient??????????????
I knocked mine over yesterday and scraped off some of the outer barrier and it keeps sending me really annoying warning messages about it
blood.dll has caused an access violation exception
I still can’t figure off how to turn off the monthly compile time. It goes for like 7 days wrecks all the system and takes so much CPU time.
I got the wrong model, too, and there’s no returns or exchange policy. I’m trying to make do as best I can with aftermarket modifications, but even that’s a real bind. And then I have to deal with all the purists who try to tell me I should be happy with the model I was given.
Mine has a short in the warning and alert sensors, and keeps tripping the alarm system for absolutely no reason. It’s been taken to the mechanic many times, but the best they can do is recommend daily chemical baths for the wiring to keep it from arc-faulting constantly.
My uterus keeps trying to install this shitty bloatware that comes with certain dll processes and I keep refusing the update, then it goes through the whole defrag process deleting all those files.
My histamine system is faulty and triggers for no reason. I keep turning it down but I have to keep reapplying the patches daily.
On the plus side some of the case mods you can do are sick as hell.
Yes, I prefer Bernie Sanders. But if Hillary Clinton’s the nominee, I’m voting for her. I will be damned if I live in a country with a President Cruz or President Trump.
Important to remember. We must vote. If you choose not to vote because you prefer Bernie over Hilary or vice versa, then it essentially becomes a vote for the Republican party. Please vote.
Just remember. There is no such thing as a fake geek girl. There are only fake geek boys. Science fiction was invented by a woman.
Specifically a teenage girl. You know, someone who would be a part of the demographic that some of these boys are violently rejecting.
Isaac Asimov.
yo mary shelley wrote frankenstein in 1818 and isaac asimov was born in 1920 so you kinda get my point
If you want to push it back even further Margaret Cavendish, the duchess of Newcastle (1623-1673) wrote The Blazing World in 1666, about a young woman who discovers a Utopian world that can only be accessed via the North Pole - oft credited as one of the first scifi novels
Women have always been at the forefront of literature, the first novel (what we would consider a novel in modern terms)was written by a woman (Lady Muraskai’s the Tale of Genji in the early 1000s) take your snide “Isaac Asimov” reblogs and stick it
even in terms of male scifi authors, asimov was predated by Jules Verne, HG Wells, George Orwell, you could have even cited Poe or Jonathan Swift has a case but Asimov?
PbbBFFTTBBBTBTTBBTBTTT so desperate to discredit the idea of Mary Shelly as the mother of modern science fiction you didn’t even do a frickin google search For Shame
And if you want to go back even further, the first named, identified author in history was Enheduanna of Akkad, a Sumerian high priestess.
Kinda funny, considering this Isaac Asimov quote on the subject:
Mary Shelley was the first to make use of a new finding of science which she advanced further to a logical extreme, and it is that which makes Frankenstein the first true science fiction story.
Even Isaac Asimov ain’t having none of your shit, not even posthumously.
Fun fact about “fake it til you make it” as a strategy of living, okay:
For the past two years or so I’ve been doing it. Like, wearing clothes I like and agreeing with people telling me I’m pretty and taking loads of selfies and telling myself (and others, loudly) ‘damn I look good today!’
So this summer, my little brother noticed. He’s very sweet and cuddly, so he often tells me I’m beautiful/pretty/cute and a few weeks ago he said to me, “You always agree with me now, you didn’t before.”
Because it’s true, I always used to reply to him things like, ‘that’s not true’ or ‘you’re cuter’ or ‘shhhh noooo’ while now I’m usually like ‘damn right’ or ‘yes i’m super hot.’
So I explained to him the ‘fake it til you make it’ approach.
Now, my brother is really pretty handsome. Like, he could be a model. Like, he’s tall and has dimples, and a dashing smile and great hair and he wears glasses and he’s damn cute and I tell him so all the time, and he always replies like, ‘wtf no I’m ugly’ or ‘no you’re the hotter sibling’ or ‘it’s not true.’
Except, in the past few weeks, after I’ve explained this to him, I noticed he’s starting to answer me with ‘yeah I’m the cutest’ or saying, spontaneously, ‘well we’re the most attractive couple of siblings ever, huh?’
He doesn’t do it all the time, but he’s starting to.
Which I’m starting to realise might be an after effect of what I’ve been doing and showing him.
Bottom line: ‘fake it ‘til you make it’ works and makes you feel better about yourself, and self-love is amazing, and the thing is, it sets an example for the younger people around you, and the people that you love.
So help the world, tell yourself you’re fucking hot.
• Make a fist with your thumb outside, not tucked inside. If it’s tucked inside your fist, when you punch someone, you might break your thumb. The thumb goes across your fingers, not on the side.
• Don’t be like in the movies—don’t aim for the face. Face punches don’t usually stop people, and you can miss when they duck their head or break your hand on their jaw. If you want to get away quickly, or end a fight, aim for the chest, or the ribs. If you really want to do some damage, e.g., you’re being attacked, aim for the throat, which will make it hard for your attacker to breathe for a hot minute.
• When you punch, you want to aim and hit with your first two knuckles. Not the flats of your fingers, and not your ring or pinky knuckles, which can break more easily. You can use your weight, if you’re on your feet, to add wallop, and spring into a punch with your feet and torso.
Useful information, esp. if you haven’t taken self defense.
I reblogged this once before to add this and I’ll do it again…
keep your wrist straight.
You can also risk breaking your wrist if you allow it to bend. I actually can’t believe this isn’t in there.
Other good pointers:
if your attacker is male, go for his junk - especially if he’s wearing loose pants. There’s no sportsmanship when it comes to assault so fuck them balls UP
punching pretty much ANYWHERE in the face is going to actually hurt you a LOT (just think - you’re punching your bones into their bones and ow). If you’re going for the face, my suggestion is to strick upwards with your palm.
see that meaty portion highlighted in red? There’s a lot of muscle and fat right there which makes it excellent for striking. Hold your hand as shown and aim for the nose or chin (though I’ve been told in extreme circumstances, doing this to the nose can be fatal but I’ve never really heard if this is true or not) and just aim upwards
other delicate areas:
the shin (hurts like a bitch if you kick it right - also, you can hit this spot if you’re being held in a choke-hold and if your attacker has to move in order to stop you from kicking him, he’ll have to angle his body so as to expose his stomach and crotch to the wild spastic jabbings of your elbows)
the solar plexus (either jab while holding your hand in a sort of spear position or use your elbows - unless you’re super strong, your punch probably won’t wind your attacker. Your elbow or a spear hand will, however)
Originally in (most) martial arts, you hit the solar plexus because it supposedly contained an important chakra. Now we know that it actually also contains like a bunch of necessary organs that are exposed just below your ribs and is also (roughly) where your diaphragm lives so getting punched there is not pleasant.
the clavicle (from experience, getting hit in your clavicle HURTS LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER. If you strike downwards with your knuckles, the person might just cry. Like I did.)
the ear (this is probably the best place to punch besides the throat. It’s all cartilage so it probably won’t hurt you all that much and most people will be like “DUDE YOU PUNCHED ME IN THE EAR WHAT THE HELL”)
the kidneys (this is harder to hit without training but if you somehow get your attacker’s back to face you, try to hit’em in the kidneys. Again, from experience, this FUCKING HURTS. You can’t really hit the kidneys from the front with any effect but from the back it is super painful)
if you’re held in a choke-hold, try turning your head so the forearm isn’t pressed into your throat. If you can position yourself right, you can sort of force your chin into the crook of the elbow, making you able to still receive (limited) oxygen and provide time for you to kick some shins or elbow some spleens and shit
-Also, remember that a guy’s junk is not an off-button. Don’t think that you can rely on a swift kick to the balls to immediately incapacitate him in an emergency. Adrenaline and anger can keep somebody going for a long time even through extreme pain, and if you expect to end a fight with a single groin-attack you might be caught off-guard when he doesn’t drop. Certainly go for it if you get the chance, but keep hitting him until the fight is over.
-Draw blood if you can, especially if you can draw it from the face or the eyes. Blood in the eyes is not just a good way to impair your attacker’s vision, it’s also a really good way to freak them out and let them know that they might be getting more than they bargained for by picking a fight with you.
-Elbows and knees are really powerful weapons. Elbows are very sharp and very strong and if you are in close-range they are often more effective than trying to throw a punch.
-Yelling and shouting makes you scary.
Nothing much to add to this, it’s pretty much all there. So. Reblog. Oh, also, it’s really easy to break a nose - go for the eyes too. All it takes to avoid a shot to the throat is tucking your chin.
Also, that part about the ear - don’t punch. An open hand over the ear hurts a lot.
Tumblr teaching me how to fuck a bitch up
Also if you fuck up their face it’ll be easier for police to identify the attacker.
If someone gets you from behind and you cant punch them, go for the underside of the upper-arm. A bad pinch there is legit so painful because that skin is super sensitive. Also this cant be stressed enough, if the attacker is a guy then fucking rip his junk off.
And try your best to stay off the ground!! Keep a wider stance, bend your knees- do what ever you can to stay balanced
A couple other tips!
Even if your attacker is female, a solid knee or kick to the crotch will hurt.
Tip for chokeholds: if you can force your chin into the crook of their elbow (like described above), you’re right next to some sensitive tissue. A hard bite will be unpleasant for you, but REAL PAINFUL for them.
Aim for joints if you can–slamming a kick into the outside of their knee can rip tendons, pop ligaments, and damage bone. If you have a corner at hand, try to slam their arm across it at the elbow. Grab a finger if you can and try to snap it at the bottom knuckle–this is also a good trick for pushy guys at bars/parties/whatever–by jerking it back at hard as you possibly can.
Try to use your environment! This can be hard in the heat of the moment, but trust me, if you can slam their head into a wall or hit them with something heavy, they’re going to need a minute before they can come at you again. That minute can be unspeakable valuable.
There’s no such thing as a dirty move when you’re fighting to protect yourself: yes, kick that guy in the balls, nail that girl with a headbutt to the nose, kick them while they’re down, bite, scratch, rip out hair, stab your fingers into their eyes.
It is not a crime or a failure to get help. If you’re being attacked on the street, scream ‘fire’–unfortunately more effective than most other things. If you’re being attacked in a building, try to break a window or get into a hallway, and then scream. If you have the option to get someone to back you up, take it.
Nor is it a crime or a failure to run. If you manage to put your attacker on the ground, or somehow mildly incapacitate them, don’t assume the fight is over. As someone so astutely pointed out before, adrenaline can work wonders, so they might be able to get up even if you’ve done damage. If you’re close enough to a crowded area or a locking door to get there fast, sprint. Your best bet is to either render yourself inaccessible (locking door) or render the witness count unacceptable (crowd).
If you’re not close to a crowded area or another ‘safe’ location, take the moment when your attacker is incapacitated to kick them as hard as you can. I’d recommend the back to avoid the risk of them grabbing your ankle and taking you down with them. Aim for the kidneys (just below the end of the ribs), but barring that, stomp on them. I’m serious, stomp the shit out of them. Use your heel, put as much of your weight into it as you can, and try to shatter a hand or break their ribs. (Warning about stomping someone’s ribs: this may cause complications including fractured ribs, punctured lung, pneumothorax, etc, and those can be lethal, so…like…be aware. Relatedly, yes, a palm strike to the nose can cause the bone of the nose to damage the brain, causing death and death-like symptoms, but it’s sort of unlikely that you could manage it by accident.)
In the event that your attacker gets you on the ground beneath them: this is the most tactically disastrous position you could be in. You WANT to be on top, where you have the freedom of movement to punch them in the throat/nose/solar plexus and then get back up. First, you need to limit your attacker’s movement, which means going against your instinct to escape. The best way to keep someone limited in this position is to lock your legs around their waist as tightly as you can, just above the hips–the thigh muscles are insanely strong, so they’re unlikely to be able to just shrug you off. This brings your attacker closer to you, and you can further immobilize them by hooking one arm around their neck if you’re strong enough. Once you have them trapped like this (having someone locked into this position, with your legs around their waits, is called having them in your guard), you have a degree of control, and they’re too close to punch you. I recommend (from experience) jamming a thumb into their trachea (windpipe, right at the hollow of their throat). Alternatively, clap both hands over their ears as hard as you can. If you’re not lucky, this will be incredibly disorienting and rather painful to boot. If you ARE lucky, you might blow their eardrum. Slam your forehead into their nose, try to break it. Use your close range to try to stab a finger into their eye (like I said, fight dirty). The ultimate goal is to make your attacker disoriented enough to scramble out from underneath them, roll them so that you’re on top, or get up and beat them to a vertical position. Anything that will accomplish that goal is fair game.
Aaaaaand that’s what I’ve got off the top of my head for actual combat, if anyone wants tips for avoiding combat in the first place message me. It’s possible that I might be a little paranoid, but hey…who’s judging.
Oh. Forgot one thing. If someone’s pinning you to a wall and you have their face close to your face, take as deep a breath as you possibly can, get close, and scream like a goddamn banshee. Embrace your inner fire alarm. Remarkably alarming at close quarters, they’ll probably let you go or at least loosen their grip for long enough to get a good hit in.
