clockwork-mockingbird:

all-about-abuse:

I see a lot of lists of things that abusive parents do. But some things I have never seen in a list so far and I would like to add them, because according to the other lists, I’ve never experienced abuse from my parents. But just because it doesn’t appear on a standard list doesn’t mean it’s not abuse, so here is an addendum.

I think most of these points are specific for kids who are disabled, mentally ill or neurodivergent, and that this is the reason why they never appear on other lists. But these kids are especially vulnerable to (emotional) abuse, so I made this.

1. Shaming you for your disabilities, mental illness or neurodivergency. This includes undiagnosed conditions. If a parent sees that their child is having problems, they should try to help or, if they can’t, get external help.

It is not okay for parents to shame you for self-harming.

It is not okay for parents to shame you for having meltdowns.

It is not okay for parents to shame or punish you for things you cannot help, no matter how hard it is for them.

Yes, if parents do honestly have no clue what is happening, they might misinterpret your (re)actions. But no later than when they talk with you about it, they should eventually realize that you’re not doing it on purpose. Parents can and should get help from others and/or professionals if it’s too much for them.

2. Shaming you for mistakes. People make mistakes. Inexperienced people make more mistakes. Young people are by definition inexperienced. Especially those of us who are mentally ill, neurodivergent or intellectually disabled, (but really literally everyone) is bound to make mistakes while growing up.

You might not know that there is a difference between cleaning agents and shower gel. You might not know that lotion isn’t good for a potted plant. You might now know that there is a reason why the cat is in that cage. You might think that something is a good and harmless trick but it actually has really bad consequences.

You might not know these things even if everyone else your age does. It’s not your fault. 

It’s okay for parents to be angry, disappointed or shocked. It’s not okay for parents to let it out on you. It’s their job to teach you and if they didn’t do it correctly, it’s not your fault. 

(For example, I didn’t know that cleaning agents and shower gel are different things until I was 18. As a little child, I was told to stay away from cleaning agents and not to touch them and I was never told otherwise, so I just accepted that until I was taught otherwise by someone else.)

3. Breaking promises. This sounds vague, I know. And I know that sometimes promises can’t be held. Sometimes they are forgotten. Sometimes even parents don’t have the energy to keep up their end of the bargain. It happens.

But if it’s a constant pattern, if you are coerced into doing things you don’t like by promises that will never be held, it’s not okay any more.

4. Threats. It’s one thing to explain to a child or teen the consequences of their actions. It’s okay to explain that you need to study or else you will fail your tests and it’s okay to explain what happens then.

It’s not okay to threaten you with grave consequences for minor failures. It’s not okay to remind you of these consequences every time you do something wrong. It’s not okay to keep threatening you when you are unable to do whatever it is they want you to do.

5. Threatening you with things that should not be threats. It’s not okay to threaten a child or teen with doctor’s appointments, hospitals, psychotherapy or psychiatry. These things are supposed to help. You should not grow up to be afraid of needing a doctor or a therapist.

Seriously, instead of a parent threatening their child with psychiatry, they should just go there and try to get help for the whole family because it’s probably desperately needed.

6. Sudden and unjustified punishments. It’s not okay to suddenly punish you for something that has previously been okay. 

If parents are fed up with their children’s behaviour, they should establish rules and explain and justify punishments, and give their children a chance to actually comply (while also considering their children’s abilities).

(For example, as a teen I never helped with housework. I didn’t have the executive functioning and I never got taught how to do it. But suddenly I was punished for not helping with housework.)

7. Unpredictability. It’s not okay to suddenly change the rules without warning.

It’s not okay if it’s “You should go out more often” one day and “No you are not allowed to go out” the next.

Some parents have trouble offering a constant reliability due to their own illness/disability/neurodivergence. It happens. 

But the moment it makes you as their child afraid of their reactions, afraid that they might have a sudden change of heart, it’s not okay any more.

8. Assuming bad intentions where there are none. As I already said, people make mistakes. People even make stupid mistakes. People misjudge, miscalculate, people lose their temper. This happens to parents as well as to their children and everyone else. 

What is not okay is for parents to see you doing something wrong and immediately assuming you’re doing it to harm them.

(For example, I always stayed up late. My parent had trouble sleeping. When I made too much noise, they assumed it was intentional in order to deny them their sleep.)

9. “I want you to do the thing but I also want you to want to do the thing.” This is a tricky one, but I have heard this from so many people that I’m including it as an extra point. I think it’s actually some sort of double bind, because you can only do it wrong or do it wrong in a different way.

It’s okay for parents to demand their children do things they do not like, for example doing chores, doing homework and similar things. (However, it’s not okay to demand more than you can actually do.)

It’s okay for parents to ask their children to do them a favour, for example sometimes do a little more housework, helping them with other stuff, going to the store and so on.

It’s okay for you to not want to do something. It’s okay to do something even if you don’t want to. Actually, most favours work that way, you rarely ever like them but you do them anyway because you want to do something for someone else. Most chores work that way. Almost nobody likes doing the dishes.

However, it’s not okay to make you feel bad for doing something anyway. If you don’t like doing something, you don’t like it, and nobody has the right to demand you to feel differently about it. 

10. Making you feel bad for opening up to them. If you tell a parent about your experiences, your feelings, your problems and your secrets, they should be accepting and loving.

Punishing you for things they would have never known if you hadn’t told them is wrong. Shaming you for things they would have never known if you hadn’t told them is wrong. It’s a parent’s job to offer their child emotional support. It’s wrong for them to show you that you can’t trust them.

And nobody gets this. There were times in my childhood that I wished they would just hit me, because the mentality of adults is a bruise is the only proof of abuse. I would tell people what was happening and they would brush it off.

“Parents are supposed to be like that.”

“You’re not supposed to get along great with your folks as a teenager.”

Eventually, even I thought I wasn’t being abused. I just thought I was screwing up somehow and my parents hated me. I bottled that shit up for years.

It took me twenty-two years to finally go see a shrink and one session for her to tell me I was abused my entire life.

karnythia:

Children of color are old enough to face racism when they’re born. Old enough to bear the weight of stereotypes & hate before their little eyes can focus. But somehow white kids are supposed to be too delicate & too shielded to even know race exists because somehow that might hurt them. When your definition of innocent child doesn’t include my babies? I know what you’re on & I don’t have any patience for the lies you tell yourself or your children.

allofthefeelings:

queerlaurabarton:

Like you do not sign a legally binding document that puts severe restrictions on you and people like you without reading it fully and getting everything in detail because “oh if there’s something I don’t like I can change it later”?? You are signing as-is you are bound to what that document says right now and even if its possible to change it that doesn’t mean you will be able to and it means you are consenting to everything in it not just to good parts there are now. Like if Steve signs it that means he’s consenting to Wanda being put under house arrest (and if she breaks that something worse) something he doesn’t believe in because it reminds him of internment and he can’t be like “well I didn’t mean that part I only agreed to the parts I liked we have to change that” because no he agreed to it! He’s giving them the power to do that. Like as it turns out even Tony didn’t know everything in it because he had no idea that they would lock everyone up in the Raft aka Supervillian Alcatraz and even though he says he doesn’t agree with it he apparently can’t (or won’t) change it. That is why signing a document you have not fully understood or agree with is a Bad Idea. Steve wasn’t totally pure in his motivations but like signing it and “changing it later” if you don’t like it is such a terrible alternative.

Regardless of what side you fall on in the Civil War, I feel like “international law governing all of your actions for the rest of ever should be taken more seriously than the iTunes terms and conditions” should be something we can all agree on.

sweetiekai:

i love when people rant to me like yes i am entrusted with your hate

kinomatika:

So I dunno how many people know this but if you go to burgerking and order anything at all off the menu, even just a drink, you get two little surveys on the back of the receipt

Each survey can get you a free whopper burger or a chicken sandwich with the purchase of any drink (even the $1 drink)

Just fill out the survey and get the code and write it on the back.

If you are short on money and really need a substantial meal, you can keep doing this cycle of getting receipts and free sandwiches for as long as you like

Idk I thought this might help people who are hard up for cash. This works in the US.

reblog 2 save a hungry tummy maybe?

chizawesome:

kimreesesdaughter:

michaelangeloooo:

onlyblackgirl:

blackrebelz:

kimreesesdaughter:

immaculateimmortal:

shaethebanana:

ribbonsunraveled:

shaethebanana:

journey-to-my-throne:

kimreesesdaughter:

guywithamohawk:

kimreesesdaughter:

Let me tell y'all what my co worker does when her friends go on a date: She takes a picture of the person’s drivers license. She doesn’t delete it until her friend(s) return safely.

Everyone needs to be doing this!

I remember my first time picking my girlfriend up to go on a date, and I met her mom that day. She asked to see my ID to take a picture of it “just incase”
I had/have good* intentions so I was cool and went along with it. 😏

Yes!!👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾If someone gives me a hard time about taking a picture of their license, that’s a red flag.

Girl, I take their number, license plate (w flash so there’s no debate on the car color at night) and a last seen wearing photo, smh. All my girls coming back safe or I’m on that ass.

If he doesn’t drive, send your friend the location or address of where you the date is taken place. If you change locations, screenshot where y'all at and send it to them. Stay safe.

There is an app called glympse that will broadcast your location to whomever you choose for I think I max of four hours. It’s a little gps program and as your phone moves a little beacon will move with it on a map

Adding that right now^

Safety is important. This is the first I’ve heard of the taking a pic of his license. I just realized how weird I’d probably act in this situation and apparently it’d be seen as a red flag.

ALL OF THIS👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 BOOST!

reblogs again cuz this advice is on point

I ain’t giving anyone my license.

It’s lowkey illegal to have someone else’s drivers license info

It’s lowkey illegal to take a woman out on a date and chop her up and leave her remains in trash bags and no one knows who you are.

^^^^^^^

achievement-hunter:

janedoodles:

vintar:

ghostoctopusink:

black mambas probably have my least favorite faces because an animal that venomous should not be making a face like it’s thinking of a joke that it’s the only one in on

holy shit you’re right

THAT IS THE HAPPIEST SNAKE I HAVE EVER SEEN

#it’s happy because it knows it’s safe from everything

cullenstairshenanigans:

That’s all those of you who don’t produce drawings or comics, fics or drabbles.

All of you who just reblog, only comment, don’t do anything but look and read.

This one’s for you.

Because you’re the likers, the sharers, the taggers, the ask-senders. The reviewers, the praise-givers, the supporters, the flailers. The response, the feedback, the reward for all that hard work. Sometimes the difference between giving up and continuing.

You’re the cornerstone, the heart and soul of this community. It wouldn’t exist without you. Please don’t ever ever think otherwise. Please don’t ever think you shouldn’t talk to the creators whose stuff you enjoy.

And please let me say this:

Thank you for being awesome.

I’m an author–of original stuff–and the only reason I’m considering trying to get my stuff published is because my roommate is, as she reminds me regularly, a fan in need of a fandom.  Having someone like your stuff, leave a comment, scream in the tags, anything, it’s such a godsend.

lightsaber:

lightsaber:

ppl who draw/think of rey as a hairless photoshoot-ready makeup-wearing sun goddess weird the shit outta me cos like……… ya girl literally lived her whole life in a desert where all she did was scavenge around for junk and eat nothing but magical bread and probably bugs and shit

tbh rey probably has the most hairy legs in the galaxy, they’re even worse than chewie’s, and even better honestly she and everybody else in the galaxy does not give a fuck about them

here she is, the beauty queen

outpastthemoat:

Everyone says stormtroopers can’t shoot.

Poe’s heard it for years. It’s a joke he hears in the barracks, in the war rooms; it’s the first joke they tell the new recruits: Don’t worry, buddy, stormtroopers can’t shoot.  Stormtroopers couldn’t hit the Death Star if they were in its orbit. Stormtroopers couldn’t hit a rancour in a closet.  We’ll come back safe and sound, his friends say as a farewell, we’ll be fine: You know that stormtroopers can’t shoot.

Stormtroopers can’t shoot, they say, but Poe knows it’s not true, because he’s standing here with Finn’s hand on his arm and Finn is looking at him with such goodness in his eyes and saying he’s here to rescue him, Poe Dameron, and Poe knows in that instant that everything everyone’s ever said about stormtroopers is wrong, all wrong, because here is Finn, wearing his goodness shining all over him like shining armour, and it hits Poe right in the heart.

They say stormtroopers can’t shoot, but here is Finn in the copilot’s seat of their TIE, his back pressed against Poe’s, and they are working in tandem like they’ve done this for years, like they’ve trained together and fought together and sweated together, felt each other’s fear and tasted glory together, like they have been fighting on the same side all along. Here is Finn, aiming to kill, taking a shot at the institution that told him he was nothing but a number and a pair of arms meant for holding guns.  He’s a good shot, someone you’d want by your side in a furball.  Someone you’d want by your side, through thick and thin.

They say stormtroopers can’t shoot, but here is Finn, fighting for what he believes in, rushing to save the ones he loves, and when he sees Finn, ready to race after his friend no matter where it will take him, it is then that Poe knows he wants it for himself: Finn’s devotion, his loyalty, his love.  This is it.  This is all he wants.  He wants Finn fighting for him.   

Here is Finn, doing what he believes to be right, and Poe’s always had a type, anyone could tell you; he has fallen in love with stories of knights and warriors, the ones who fight for justice and peace, and here is Poe, still reeling from Finn’s dark eyes and careful hands, and he never had a chance, he’s a standing target, and Finn’s aim is true.

Here is Finn, smiling right at him, and It hits Poe right in the heart.

It’s instant, it’s fatal, and they say stormtroopers can’t shoot.

soulsthatknow:

I am really interested in these tag posts so here is another

the
cry
baby
love
see
ha
happy
perfect

just-shower-thoughts:

Wherever a fatal car crash or pedestrian death occurs, a red square with the year of the accident should be permanently included in the pavement. Seeing a lot of red squares in a given location would make drivers and pedestrians more careful.

peraltiaago:

me, with someone I have no interest in: lighthearted witty banter, often perceived by others as flirting.

me, with someone I’m interested in/actually trying to flirt with:

greendrapple:

gigifeatzayn:

me: i’m gonna pull an all nighter tonight

person: i feel ya what are you studying for?

me: who said i was studying? 

me: 

totally sums up my life

alrightanakin:

Does anyone else have that one mutual who’s like Way Too Popular to be following you and ur lowkey convinced that they regret following u

blackenedmoss:

So apparently I need to repeat this.

Please do not use the term “spirit animal”. The flippant use with which it’s been thrown around is a mockery and degradation of the sacredness that connection is suppose to represent, and has a lot of cultural significance to those of us who have it within our cultures.

Please do not use spirit animal. Please do not use spirit animal. I feel like the importance and sacredness of that aspect of my life has been made into a giant f’ing joke by people and that feels really shitty. It was one of my ways in which I could connect with my heritage, and like everything else it seems like people are so willing to just mock it by taking it and using it however they want. You want to mean “no disrespect”? Then stop using it and call other people out on it, because the use of it by non-indigenous people who don’t belong to those cultures is disrespectful. Full stop.

girlslovesextoo:

How to Play: message me with an assumption that you make about me and I will reply to it with whether it is true or false 

prokopetz:

Ironically, the phenomenon of warning colouration suggests that if you’re tiny, going around shouting “FIGHT ME” may actually be a survival strategy.

exeunt-pursued-by-a-bear:

charlesoberonn:

Adding “as you do” after describing something that nobody does.

“So he went to hell to pick up his dead wife’s soul, as you do.”

“So she climbed up the tower with her robot hands, as you do.”

one time in an actual conversation I said something along the lines of “I made a flamethrower with a lighter and a can of compressed air, as you do” and the guy I was talking to was like “…no? I don’t???”

Oh God, I say this all the time, and when I started my junior year of college I was talking to someone in my Organic Chemistry class and I said “So I switched my major to pre-med at the end of my sophomore year and I’m gonna do it in two years rather than four, as you do,” and his jaw just dropped and he went “I absolutely do NOT.”

angrymuslimah:

Shoutout to all those people that have jobs like cleaning the bathrooms in rest areas or gas stations, to the people that take out the trash and wash dishes in restaurants, school janitors, house maids. You’re doing jobs that don’t get much recognition but are some of the toughest. stay awesome

mooglemisbehaving:

bigscaryd:

animatedamerican:

bigscaryd:

animatedamerican:

walkingoutintherain:

Has anyone written Mad Max: Fury Road in the form of an epic poem of some kind?

… give me a few weeks

Speak, Teller, of the mad wanderer, the wastes-man, the driver, Rockatansky;
Thirst-mad, solitude-mad, angry at the sky and the dust and the world mad;
Humungus defeated, Thunderdome fled and burnt, Sky-Tribe flown to Sydney
Savior and unsaved, alone and now hunted, fleeing toward nothing!

In the hands of Joe Immortan his madness does not free him
Hung for blood and bleeding, wanderer-trophy, fury futile-fading
Who is madder than the wanderer? Whose fury surpasses the madman’s?
Furiosa Iron-Handed! Furiosa Woman-Thieving!

With cunning the war-rig taken with stealth the five wives stolen;
Waste-crossing bravely fleeing to the wet-place nigh-forgotten;
War-boys all shouting, pursuing and flaming Doof loudly playing;
Blood-bag Max still hanging, car by thieves still driven chains still unbroken.

… showoff 

*grumbles*

(do some more :D)

Into the storm drove Furiosa flaying sand would not deter her;
A single war-boy flush with Max-blood for his master chased the bride-thief;
Nux his name and short his half-life, Immortan’s glance his heart’s desire;
Max-car Nux-car chased the War-Rig half-life hands could not control it.

Free’d the wanderer barely man now bound in muzzle tongue unspeaking;
Found the Iron-Hand working iron saw the water in the wasteland;
Gazed on Cheedo Dag and Toast then, Angharad Capable also;
Stole from Wife-Thief then the War Rig did the Wanderer in his madness!

Fury and cunning both together were the marks of Furiosa;
Barely stone’s-throw did he drive it; hopeless when the War-rig stopped;
In her mercy brave Furiosa made a compact with the Madman;
All for freedom: them, the clean girls, leave the war-boy let him die.

*smashes glass* ANOTHER!!!!

transmutedreality:

false-dawn:

queer-femme-romulan:

evaunit-05:

Irish people; The faeries aren’t real

Irish people; No fucking way will I go in that faerie ring

#look#you don’t go in a fairy ring and you don’t fuck with a stone in the middle of a field#these are just facts#nobody does it#fairies will fuck you up#Ireland#folklore#fairies (Via @false-dawn)

Look, I don’t believe in God, but I will not disrespect the Good Gentlemen of the Hills. That’s just common sense.

NEVER fuck with a stone in the middle of a field

thewritershandbook:

• Almoners: ensured the poor received alms.
• Atilliator: skilled castle worker who made crossbows.
• Baliff: in charge of allotting jobs to the peasants, building repair, and repair of tools used by the peasants.
• Barber: someone who cut hair. Also served as dentists, surgeons and blood-letters.
• Blacksmith: forged and sharpened tools and weapons, beat out dents in armor, made hinges for doors, and window grills. Also referred to as Smiths.
• Bottler: in charge of the buttery or bottlery.
• Butler: cared for the cellar and was in charge of large butts and little butts (bottles) of wine and beer. Under him a staff of people might consist of brewers, tapsters, cellarers, dispensers, cupbearers and dapifer.
• Carder: someone who brushed cloth during its manufacture.
• Carpenter: built flooring, roofing, siege engines, furniture, panelling for rooms, and scaffoling for building.
• Carters: workmen who brought wood and stone to the site of a castle under construction.
• Castellan: resident owner or person in charge of a castle (custodian).
• Chamberlain: responsible for the great chamber and for the personal finances of the castellan.
• Chaplain: provided spirtual welfare for laborers and the castle garrison. The duties might also include supervising building operations, clerk, and keeping accounts. He also tended to the chapel.
• Clerk: a person who checked material costs, wages, and kept accounts.
• Constable: a person who took care (the governor or warden) of a castle in the absence of the owner. This was sometimes bestowed upon a great baron as an honor and some royal castles had hereditary constables.
• Cook: roasted, broiled, and baked food in the fireplaces and ovens.
• Cottars: the lowest of the peasantry. Worked as swine-herds, prison guards, and did odd jobs.
• Ditcher: worker who dug moats, vaults, foundations and mines.
• Dyer: someone who dyed cloth in huge heated vats during its manufacture.
• Ewerer: worker who brought and heated water for the nobles.
• Falconer: highly skilled expert responsible for the care and training of hawks for the sport of falconry.
• Fuller: worker who shrinks & thickens cloth fibers through wetting & beating the material.
• Glaziers: a person who cut and shaped glass.
• Gong Farmer: a latrine pit emptier.
• Hayward:  someone who tended the hedges.
• Herald: knights assistant and an expert advisor on heraldry.
• Keeper of the Wardrobe: in charge of the tailors and laundress.
• Knight: a professional soldier. This was achieved only after long and arduous training which began in infancy.
• Laird: minor baron or small landlord.
• Marshal: officer in charge of a household’s horses, carts, wagons, and containers. His staff included farriers, grooms, carters, smiths and clerks. He also oversaw the transporting of goods.
• Master Mason: responsible for the designing and overseeing the building of a structure.
• Messengers: servants of the lord who carried receipts, letters, and commodities.
• Miner: skilled professional who dug tunnels for the purpose of undermining a castle.
• Minstrels: part of of the castle staff who provided entertainment in the form of singing and playing musical instruments.
• Porter: took care of the doors (janitor), particularly the main entrance. Responsible for the guardrooms. The person also insured that no one entered or left the castle withour permission. Also known as the door-ward.
• Reeve: supervised the work on lord’s property. He checked that everyone began and stopped work on time, and insured nothing was stolen. Senior officer of a borough.
• Sapper: an unskilled person who dug a mine or approach tunnel.
• Scullions: responsible for washing and cleaning in the kitchen.
• Shearmen: a person who trimmed the cloth during its manufacture.
• Shoemaker: a craftsman who made shoes. Known also as Cordwainers.
• Spinster: a name given to a woman who earned her living spinning yarn. Later this was expanded and any unmarried woman was called a spinster.
• Steward: took care of the estate and domestic administration. Supervised the household and events in the great hall. Also referred to as a Seneschal.
• Squire: attained at the age of 14 while training as a knight. He would be assigned to a knight to carry and care for the weapons and horse.
• Watchmen: an official at the castle responsible for security. Assited by lookouts (the garrison).
• Weaver: someone who cleaned and compacted cloth, in association with the Walker and Fuller.
• Woodworkers: tradesmen called Board-hewers who worked in the forest, producing joists and beams.

Other medieval jobs included:

tanners, soap makers, cask makers, cloth makers, candle makers (chandlers), gold and silver smiths, laundresses, bakers, grooms, pages, huntsmen, doctors, painters, plasterers, and painters, potters, brick and tile makers, glass makers, shipwrights, sailors, butchers, fishmongers, farmers, herdsmen, millers, the clergy, parish priests, members of the monastic orders, innkeepers, roadmenders, woodwards (for the forests). slingers. Other Domestic jobs inside the castle or manor:

Personal atendants- ladies-in-waiting, chamber maids, doctor.

The myriad of people involved in the preparation and serving of meals- brewers, poulterer, fruiterers, slaughterers, dispensers, cooks and the cupbearers.

By Lise Hull READ MORE

ladyjouster:

yungmethuselah:

Don’t talk shit about people’s teeth. Seriously.

Speaking as a major dental hygiene enthusiast…

Great-looking teeth come from two things: luck and money (which is also a function of luck).

• Dental procedures tend to be very, very expensive, and are almost never covered by insurance.
  
• Healthy teeth aren’t necessarily big, straight or bright white. Depending on what someone’s natural teeth are like, achieving that look may require a significant downgrade in their dental health; unnecessary crowns and veneers cause damage.
• Do not underestimate genetics’ role in determining teeth’s appearance, or how prone teeth are to problems. Genes and early development, i.e. things people get zero control over, can outweigh all else.
• A wide range of chronic conditions impact oral health and teeth’s appearance, too, and may contraindicate various types of work or raise procedures’ cost even more.
  
• Finally, for many people and many reasons, celebrity-looking teeth just aren’t a priority (even when they’re attainable; some people might want, y’know, a new car instead).

Regardless, don’t be an asshole. Not even very attractive teeth look good on those.

Yup. ^^^^^^

just-shower-thoughts:

There should be affordable universities for people who just want to continue learning throughout life. Not to get a degree, or a better job; just a place to learn, foster ideas and meet others who are doing the same.