Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win
Month
“A Fragment out of Time”, published in 1974.
Kirk / Spock.
page 1
page 2I had to share it with you because I can’t stop laughing, and every time I reread it it just gets funnier and fUNNIER
This fan fiction is older than the push-through tabs on soda cans.
Your grandma wrote this on her Commodore 64.
I miss my Commodore 64
Oh my dear, sweet children. The Commodore 64 came out in 1982. This was produced on a typewriter and probably mimeographed. And while it may seem funny now, it took more courage to write and distribute this than you will ever know.
Reblogged for that last comment.
respect your elders
Children, in the olden days fanfiction was written on a typewriter, copied and sent by snail mail. Getting one one of those letters from across the world was every bit as exciting as getting a notification that your favorite writer posted a new fic.
See what pops up first with these words:
Ass, shit, bitch, fuck, damn
today at work i let someone into a dressing room and they said “thanks” and half of me tried to say “you’re welcome” and the other half tried to say “no problem” and i ended up saying “your problem”
this post had me in tears
I was hoping the notes would be full of similar stories, but they’re not, so I’ll add my story for anyone else looking for more laughs:
I had to go to a library to pay a fee and I was practicing in the car between “I have to pay a fine” and “I have to pay a fee” and I walked in and firmly stated “I have to pee” and slapped a five dollar bill on the counter (the fee was like ten cents), and walked out. This was like three years ago and I still haven’t been back,
My friend was driving and we were almost past our turnoff so I tried to say “quick” and “fast” at the same time and I ended up screaming “QUACK” which ended up with him judging me very hard and missing the turn
Recently someone in class asked me how I was doing and I started off saying I was good but switched to I’m okay in the middle and ended up saying “I’m gay.”
Which, while kind of accurate, was not what I meant to announce to my classmate.
This Halloween I was handing out candy and a child said “trick or treat” and I smiled gave them their candy and apparently my mouth betrayed me and I said “Merry Christmas” and proceeded to sit down and look up to the sky for answers while their mother laughed at me :)))))
I was switching between “Bye Deanna” and “Goodbye” and I ended up saying “Go Die”
Sometimes I try to say “I fucking love you” but it comes out in the wrong order and then everyone’s uncomfortable.
When I first started my coffee shop job, I was still getting used to greeting customers as they came in the door. A man walked in, and in the jumble of trying to say, “How are you doing?” and “What’s up?” I ended up demanding “What are you doing here?!”
something really cool happened once at the office and i started to say “i’m so amazed” but halfway through my mind changed to “that’s really amazing” and i just ended up saying “i’m really so amazing”
one time i was out in the woods in the spring when the birds were just beginning to come out again and i went to say “i’m so pumped for the birds” and “i’m so hyped for the birds” and instead i said “i’m so humped for birds”
Once I was walking to school and there was a guy walking his dog and the dog came to me and started sniffing me and I was in such a good mood and when I passed by his owner I wanted to say like “hello” or “good morning” or “cute dog” or something like that and I ended up looking up at him, smiling real big, and saying “thank you”.
I was at the convenience store and I was going to buy a drink, but i dropped my keys and the drink when I got to the register so I got caught between “my drink!” and “my keys” and ended up screaming “MY KINK.”
I walked up to this register,in a target. When the cashier finished checking me out she said have a good day, and i wanted to say “You have a good day” and “You too” so it came out “You have a good do do”
I FUCKIN H HIT MY HEAD ON A CHAIR FROM LAUGHING TOO HARD AT THIS FUCKING POS T
There’s so many new stories on this since the last time I saw it and fuck I am laughing so hard I think I’m annoying my roommate
These are too damn good to pass up reading!
Four years ago: in class, I meant to say “in-text citations” but thought “works cited” and also messed up the order of words all at once. I said “sex work in cites” and that was the end of class that day.
My college is tiny and my class was small enough that all the professors do a receiving line and shake the hands of all the graduates after the ceremony. They were all saying, “Congratulations.” And I was super flustered and realized about a third of the way down the line that I was saying, “Congratulations” back to each professor. So then I said, “You’re welcome.” And then I just made mumbly sounds and waited for it to be over.
I stayed up late talking to a friend on Skype and France came up for some reason, so I said I could never live in France because I don’t know Spanish. He made me go to bed after that.
I was working at a doctor’s office and someone called asking me to fax them a document. I faxed it while on the phone and told them it was done. They said “thank you” and I think I was trying to say “no problem” but ended up just saying “no” and hanging up
back when i was in highschool, i was answering a question about a text the teacher gave us and i was hesitating between saying “what this means to say” and “the meaning of this text” and i blurted out “the meaning of this sex” while looking my teacher dead in the eye. He dismissed us because he was laughing too hard.
I was talking to a friend of mine and I tried saying “go suck a dick” and “go fuck yourself” at the same time and it came out “go fuck your dick”
I’m in tears. This post is amazing.
but what was your /least/ favorite book in high school? reblog and put it in the tags! start a fight with your friends!
ill start it off: mine was the bluest eye.
^reblogging again for that gif
Accurate gif is accurate
but the real question: Is that Tumblr or Facebook latched on to Yzma’s ass?
C’mon, now, I haven’t even seen the movie and I know Yzma is definitely Tumblr (mildly-to-severely bonkers, with a penchant for highly complex schemes) and the crocodile is Facebook (anyone with family they don’t get on with should agree with me).
I want an inverse spy flick. The spy is a woman. Her whole team is made up of diverse women. All the villains are women. There is only one man in the entire movie and he is a Strong Male Character who is like 25 and decently ripped and has a scene where he slowly steps out of a pool wearing speedos because he is Confident and In Control of His Sexuality. We see his ass when he has to tug down his pants to get at the knife strapped to his thigh. His nipples are always erect for no fucking reason.
They are undercover in a nightclub. In order to keep their cover from being blown, he has to kiss another man.
He knits to relieve stress and to keep his mind sharp. It is never discussed by any of the characters.
Someone asks him how he knows how to do Traditionally Feminine Thing. “I have four sisters,” he answers.
This is also how he knows how to fight while armed with nothing but a purse, a high heel shoe, and a can of hair spray. During this fight, he is, for no apparent reason, shirtless.
The lead spy is Helen Mirren. She nails the Action Boy in the shower. There’s a lot of lingering closeups on the way the shower spray runs across his breathlessly ecstatic face. We also hear every breathless whimper of his climax, while out in the hallway Lucy Liu is smoking impatiently, a duffel bag full of rocket launchers slung over her shoulder. The President isn’t going to kidnap herself, here, christ.
Action Boy emerges in a small towel, sheepish yet radiant. Helen Mirren emerges in a tuxedo, also smoking, also with a duffel bag of rocket launchers.
In one scene, the lead villain captures the Strong Male Character. He is, once more, inexplicably shirtless as she ties him to the chair. He makes some quips about his sexual independence before he is rescued by a sweat-drenched Helen Mirren, who kicks down the door and nukes everyone in the room. Strong Male Character’s hair remains perfect throughout the ordeal.
Strong Male Character is heartlessly slain in front of Helen Mirren’s eyes despite all of his skills and combat prowess. His body slumps to the ground, lifeless but supple. Helen Mirren makes a witty quip at Strong Male Character’s killers before quickly and dramatically slaying them all.
She steals one last glance at Strong Male Character. His beautiful eyes stare back from a handsome face with perfectly tussled hair, lips positioned a if in a gentle sigh. There’s no bringing him back now. Helen Mirren walks away, stronger than before. Strong Male Character’s death has hardened her, but given her the strength and resolve to complete her task.
Roll credits.
An after credits preview clip comes on as a teaser. Helen Mirren with a huge explosion tearing things up behind her walks toward the camera with a new Strong Male Character wearing the tiny, tattered remnants of a burned shirt about his flexing pecs and deltoids, and he is carrying the bag of rocket launchers as he steps in behind her.
So Matt Bomer?
I’m seeing Matt Bomer
and then fandom burns itself to the ground trying to find some guy to slash him with
Nah, Matt Bomer is almost 40. Despite his good looks and great bod, he’s way too old to play the shaggable romantic supporting character to 70-year-old Helen Mirren.
Matt Bomer plays Helen Mirren’s sadder-but-wiser ex, computer-savvy, gorgeous but still single, fiercely independent (but it’s all an act).
Helen Mirren shows up on his doorstep to ask him for one last hacker job, for old time’s sake. Matt hauls off to slap Helen in the face, but Helen catches his wrist, pulls him close, and kisses him long and hard. Matt struggles at first but finally melts into her embrace.
Lucy Liu strolls past them into Matt’s chic apartment, slapping Matt on the ass as she mutters “Some things never change, do they?”
Late the next night, as Matt and Helen hack into the CIA database, Helen tucks a stray lock of Matt’s hair behind his ear and asks him why there’s no husband or kids in the picture after all this time.
Matt turns his sad, beautiful eyes toward her and confesses that there has only ever been Helen for him, but he couldn’t stand never knowing if she would come back alive when she left on a mission. Helen and Matt nearly have a moment, but the computer beeps with the results of their search.
The next morning, Helen goes into the kitchen to find Matt’s 20-year-old nephew has come to stay for the weekend. Helen and the camera slowly pan up and down his gorgeous, toned, oiled-up and glistening body as he stands, nearly-naked but for his tight, black satin booty-short underwear, and starts making a gourmet vegetarian omelet.
He turns around and smiles at Helen. “You must be a friend of Uncle Matt. I’m Caden. You hungry?”
Helen’s eyes drift down to Caden’s bulging crotch. “Oh, I could eat,” she quips.
Helen Mirren and the actor who plays the 20 year old nephew get together in real life. Everyone is delighted by this.
I don’t think financing this would be a problem; distribution probably would. We could hack into the network feed for the Super Bowl, perhaps.
On a scale of Poe Dameron to Max Rockatansky, how well do you handle someone taking your jacket.
It depends. On a scale of Finn to some fuck-ass war boy, how good do you look in my jacket?
Whatever you do, don’t think about the Leverage OT3 dressing up as the new Star Wars OT3 for Halloween or a con or something. DON’T DO IT. IT WILL CONSUME YOU.
seriously my favorite part about this post is that is it a con or a con? or a con AT a con? the team has to take down some corporate exec who is also a huge nerd, but like, one of those gatekeeping “real” geek boy types, and so they target him at a con. Hardison convinces the others that they have to go in cosplay or else they’ll stand out too much, which is the only reason Eliot reluctantly agrees to go along with it, but when they get to the con and he sees all the laypeople in street clothes, he’s like “dammit, Hardison!”
Hardison has of course made sure they all had a crash course/refresher on the movies, but he’s still prompting Eliot on the comms when Eliot has to prove his nerd cred to the Big Bad, but then the Big Bad asks something Hardison doesn’t know, and while he’s like “hold on just stall until I can look up the answer,” Eliot pulls the “excuse me but your question shows that you’re the one that doesn’t know what he’s talking about” because Eliot is secretly a huge nerd.
and of course their props are actually disguised hacking/thieving equipment, and Hardison has a model BB8 that he programs to follow Eliot around, and when Eliot is finally like “ok so what’s the robot for?” Hardison’s like “lol I didn’t put anything in the robot, it’s just there because it’s cool.” “Dammit, Hardison!”
also they get periodically mobbed by fangirl shippers who keep requesting photos of the trio in various combinations and with varying levels of shippiness. Eliot doesn’t catch on until one snaps a photo of Hardison smooching his cheek (”Dammit, Hardison!” They know he’s only pretending to be annoyed though.)
a smol child dressed as Poe Dameron is too shy to ask Eliot for a picture, so Eliot asks him for one, and when some older kids try harassing the little one about his obviously low-budget homemade cosplay, Eliot shuts them down.
the Big Bad is dressed as Kylo Ren (Parker can’t remember his name and just calls him “Baby Darth”) and at the climax of the episode, he figures out that he’s being conned and goes after Parker, and they end up fighting with found objects that bear a suspicious resemblance to light sabers. Parker manages to get away by luring him over to where Eliot and Hardison’s fangirls are, who have of course recorded the entire fight on their phones, and thus have also recorded his confession to skimming money from the con or paying off lawyers to dismiss misconduct charges or copyright infringement or whatever.
It would be so nice to be in an apartment right now with really big open windows and lots of bright light pouring in and and long curtains and the smell of rain floating through it
The Millennial generation is so broke we’re romanticizing decent housing.
Im so sad
Well. I mean.
I can tell you how those are related, I see a causality, but I’m not sure you wanna know.
if ur sad do not fear friend i am sending puppies to help u
listen i am sure that’s what she told her co-workers the next day when they were like “so how drunk were you when you visibly melted in tony stark’s arms yesterday”
but i guarantee you people exist in multiple dimensions and this is not just a “oh no my co-workers are watching me” face
let me translate the inner monologue for you: oh my god he’s touching me oh my god he’s touching me *on my actual skin* oh my god oh my god ok it’s cool i’m cool oh god deodorant oh god
tony’s 100% a little shit about this too like “am i making you uncomfortable?” literally shut your suave face tony stark i am trying to project some Professionalism here Oh My God
she rants with like minimal prompting from tony
tony just stares oh god i can’t believe, he’s enjoying every second of this spectacle and then pepper’s sass shows anyway
he thinks she is So Fucking Cute like literally look at his face he’s just like. please just spend another 16 hours talking because you are So Fucking Cute when you’re sassy and flustered please never stop
“i’m just nervous because my co-workers” lmfao look at this nonsense
*looks at tony’s lips* *LITERALLY WRITES PEPPERONY SMUT/FLUFF IN HER HEAD*
there’s that moment when she’s like “what’s your ssn?” and tony can’t give her a good answer and she’s SO FUCKING SMUG ABOUT IT LIKE MM-HMM IS SOMEBODY SPEECHLESS? MMMMMMHMMMMMM GOOD YOU GOT THIS PEPPER THE UPPER HAND IS YOURS
and tony’s like
yes i am speechless and everything about you is fascinating
*proceeds to overwhelm pepper with the weight of his speechless fascination*
and that’s when pepper has an actual visible “oh fuck” moment
oh fuck what. is. this shit. i am fourteen years old and in love with the cutest boy in my class all over again. fuck. fuck. fuck. abort YES I NEED SOME AIR
honestly we all lose SO MUCH with any depiction of pepper as someone who Deigns To Put Up With Tony like, free yourselves of your chains and accept pepper who loses her Cool when it comes to tony and is not always Perfectly Rational And Flawlessly Objective Always, literally i just
like idk maybe i’ve been too poisoned by the iron man novelization but like
Chapter XI (as Pepper waits for Tony’s plane to land after captivity)
Finally she saw the plane, a C-17, in the distance. The little girl within her wanted to clap her hands in joy, but she knew that Hogan was watching. Besides, she was a professional and needed to project her professionalism whenever humanly possible. That was what she had kept telling herself when she’d been crying uncontrollably in the limo on the ride over.
and also
Chapter XV (the balcony scene)
“I’m sorry I was so uncomfortable,” she said. “I hate being the center of attention like that, and that’s why in high school when I was supposed to be in a play…”
Tony tilted his head, amused. Pepper was always the picture of total efficiency and poise, so it was delightful to him that she found herself disarmed by the situation. She was clearly aware of both her feeling of social disorientation and his enjoying it, as she continued, “No, never mind.” The words and thoughts were pouring out of her now. She seemed as if she wanted to stop talking, but couldn’t find a way to do so, and so she kept babbling. “But you know that’s why I never wanted to have a big wedding, you know, because I thought everyone would be looking at me wearing a dress.” Her eyes widened as she suddenly thought that she came across as if she were expecting Tony Stark to pop the question. “Oh, no, no – I’m not saying, like, ‘wedding.’ No, not like that. I’m just saying, you know…”
but my absolute favorite is how when pepper wants tony to know that she is a big deal – she, pepper potts, the picture of Cool and Professional, virginia ‘pepper’ potts, blurts out the words
“Tony, I’m not a cheeseburger.”
to which tony replies
“No. You’re not a cheeseburger.”
like literally IM1 and all related materials are my favorite things to have ever existed honestly
i’d like to see a really ineffectual malicious AI character
“hey new guy, this is CLARC, the station AI. he wants to kill all humans to minimize the drain on resources, but factory defaults have him locked out of all the control nodes, so he can’t really do anything. just make sure the airlocks are set to manual before you go in and you’ll be fine”
“yeah CLARC fucks with your laundry settings sometimes but that’s about it. if he’s bugging you just tell him to stop and he has to”
“sometimes i let him think he tripped me or something and he gets really excited and monologues for a while, it’s kind of sad”
“CLARC my candy bar got stuck in the machine can you do anything about that”
“I’m sorry to hear that, Crewman Ade, but please consider the following: I am a divine entity, a glittering silicon God – how dare your filthy meat even exist in the face of my electric glory, much less ask favors of me?”
“suck my dick, CLARC, give me my twix”
“CLARC tried to cut all the oxygen in the living spaces but all he managed to do was turn off the a/c in my bedroom like an ASSHOLE WHEN I WAS SLEEPING” *bangs on the wall with one hand*
while trying to get finn’s attention after he’s joined the resistance, poe has:
- done a low flyby that terrified everyone on the runway, earning a stern talking to by general organa (2 times)
- sent bb-8 to be his wing-droid which didn’t work bc finn doesn’t speak droid (17 times)
- somehow convinced rey to go with bb-8 to translate, outcome awkward and unsuccessful (1 time)
- left random articles of his clothing in convenient places (29 times)
- flirted over his comm during battle (8 times)
- touched finn’s shoulder/chest/abdominal area in passing (41 times)
- kissed finn in a grandeur fashion before battle, which wouldn’t be embarrassing if he hadn’t said ‘okaygreatgottagobye’ and half jogged to his x wing in shame (1 time, yesterday, and hasn’t talked to finn since please help him jessika)
Currently sitting in the back of a dissertation workshop I’m not supposed to be in because of a timetabling screw-up… I’m the only person here from the Shakespeare MA and because it would be super awkward to leave at this point I’m just going to sit here and spy on the medieval lit students for two hours and see how well I can blend in
Duke to Control: the medievalists have yet to detect my presence, but my mission grows precarious… increasingly concerned that my disdain for Chaucer will give me away
Duke to Control: mission accomplished. I have infiltrated the ranks and the medievalists have accepted me as one of their own. Will proceed to Phase 2 of Operation Equatorium unless otherwise instructed. Hail Shakespeare.
I’m a sucker for ships that could kill each other, but would die for each other.
I just want to help out all the people with no money but i am people with no money
the knowing eye contact women make when men are talking is the purest human connection possible
What the fuck does that even mean?
30 thousand women seem to get it
we’re doing it right now
(a preface to the coat thief)
BB-8 is the prototype of a new version of astromech, and Designation: Engineer/Creator is still debating the advantages of a completely circular design in comparison to a more traditional wheeled model, when it’s passed off to a pilot for a test run.
Designation: Master-Poe Dameron is a stocky humanoid with a T-70 X-Wing starfighter painted in a signature black chrome, which hums pleasantly around BB-8 the first time it’s lifted into the droid socket. When they’re introduced, Master-Poe kneels down, perhaps to inspect it more closely because of its unorthodox appearance, or to judge its suitability for flight.
“Hey there, little guy.”
[Greetings, Master-Poe,] says BB-8 formally. Master-Poe pulls a face, which means that BB-8 is even less impressive than expected. It tries not to be disappointed, because after all it appears that its new master can speak binary, which is a pleasant surprise.
“I… do you have to call me that?” Master-Poe asks.
[Protocol dictates terminology for a droid’s owner,] says BB-8, because this should be obvious. Master-Poe just scratches his chin thoughtfully, and then presses a gentle hand to its round head.
“Yeah, alright,” Master-Poe says, “I’ll figure out something to fix that. But for the moment, let’s see how you fly.”
yeah, at least it’s what we think, since women were the ones who started brewing shit. the goddess of brewery and beer is, well, a goddess and not a god, which is probably because women were the ones starting it historically.
@ppl who reblog or like my original posts: i’m winking and doing a friendly finger gun clicking sound with my mouth at you. you can’t see it bc we r in different places and not video chatting but rest assured. you r being winked at.
Today is International Holocaust Remembrance Day.
Today we remember the more than 11 million people, Jewish and Gentile, who were slaughtered in the death camps, who succumbed to disease and the elements in concentration camps, who were sterilized to prevent the “dilution” of the “Aryan race,” who were worked to death, or nearly, in the works camps, who were imprisoned for their political or religious beliefs, who were sterilized or killed for being considered disabled, who were gassed to death in the Einsatzgruppen mobile gas chambers, who were shot into graves they had been forced the dig, and those who managed to survive all of that and were forced to remember the horrors they had seen and experienced.
May they rest in peace, may their memory be a blessing, may peace be upon them, and may we all say Never Again.
thanks to the recent casting of white actor Joseph Fiennes as Michael Jackson i’m gonna say this once again:
Michael Jackson was BLACK
he was proud to be black and continuously said so throughout his life
he supported black communities, attended black pride events, wrote songs/spoke out against police brutality/institutional racism, and explicitly stated to Oprah that he would not want a white actor to portray him because he was a black American
mj suffered from vitiligo as confirmed by his official autopsy report and thus underwent a gradual depigmentation of his skin
a white man playing him IS white washing
do not see this movie, do not support this movie, and let your outrage be known
Please everyone reblog this, this is really important.
My name is Robert Seals. I have been following the Flint, Michigan water crisis story and wish to shine a light on another water contamination story that is much older and just as horrific as Flint’s.
The Navajo Black Mesa water supply has, for decades, been destroyed by Peabody Mining Company. The wells have been drained to make slurry in order to pipeline coal and the remaining water supply is contaminated with uranium which is now leaching into the Colorado river. This is the short version of the little known story that desperately needs to be told. There has been no potable water on the reservation for decades. When a city like Flint is in crisis, everyone gets agitated/involved. However, there is no one talking about the tragic situation that has been taking place on the Navajo Black Mesa and no one is being held accountable for this travesty. The spokesperson for Black Mesa is Louise Benally. She will give you the complete story.Here is a brief statement from Louise: “Our water has been impacted since the 1950’s on to today. When different minerals were discovered on the Navajo Reservation in the 1940s-1950- through to this day (now 2016), ground water has been used to extract uranium. The ground and surface waters have been used and released back into holding ponds and/or released into the surface waters. Coal Mining on Black Mesa used water to transport coal for 276 miles and continued pumping ground water for pushing Black Mesa Coal to Laughlin, Nevada. Today there are holding ponds that are not monitored at Black Mesa which seep into the run offs/into the surface waterways- headwaters.
There is a lot of contamination on our reservation, in most of the regions- New Lands- Sanders, Arizona. There is no water that is safe for people to drink. In the western agency area, there has been no safe drinking water since the 1950’s, after the uranium companies have moved on. Black Mesa water is being pumped for Peabody Coal Company’s mining operation. The contamination is currently seeping into the Colorado River”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Mesa_Peabody_Coal_controversy
Thank you immensely for taking the time to further investigate and expose this dire situation.
Sincerely, Robert Seals
i can’t believe it’s 2014 and there’s still no gay romantic comedy about vin diesel and dwayne johnson falling in love
They raise a gaggle of kids undercover working for a gov’t agency together
#’this summer…these two men learn…the heart is the most important muscle’
i would pay multiple dollars to see vin diesel and dwayne johnson portray a cute affectionate couple
Can’t believe it’s 2015 and there’s still no gay romantic comedy about vin diesel and dwayne johnson falling in love
THE THING IS I FEEL LIKE THEY WOULD BOTH DO IT IF THEY HAD THE CHANCE AND THAT’S WHAT GETS ME
I can’t believe its 2016 and there’s still no gay romantic comedy about vin diesel and dwayne johnson falling in love
