bless this new trend of saying ‘yikes’ honestly this is the word i’ve been looking for my whole life. the perfect combination of disinterested, detached, amused, and passive aggressive. five letters that say so much yet are vague enough that you won’t get involved in any drama
today my anthro professor said something kindof really beautiful:
“you all have a little bit of ‘I want to save the world’ in you, that’s why you’re here, in college. I want you to know that it’s okay if you only save one person, and it’s okay if that person is you”
I feel like a few people I know could stand to read this.
Padme is gonna fix it right? I mean, we haven't even gotten to the handmaiden-ing thing. Those girls will raise Anakin well, I think. ;)
“No one owns you, Ani,” Padmé repeats, not understanding how he can ask that like he’s worried. Except–she does. Of course she does.
He’s nine. And she’d even thought it herself, too.
Of course he’s worried about not being owned.
“You are a friend to Naboo, and you have done a great thing for our people,” she tells him quietly, again barely resisting the urge to grab his hands. She knows she would still grip them much too hard, especially now. “You will never be a slave again, but I promise, you will not be abandoned. Naboo will take care of you as one of our own, if you will have us. We would be honored to take care of you.”
“I can fix things,” Anakin says, ducking his head in a very young way, his hair hiding his eyes. "And I can fly–you saw, I’m a really good pilot. And I know how to–”
“Ani,” Padmé interrupts carefully, and allows herself to settle her hands very gently on his shoulders. “I know that you are valuable. You are very valuable to me. You are kind and you are brave, and–”
“I’m not brave!” Anakin blurts, shaking his head. “The Council would train me if I was brave. But they looked, and I’ve got too much fear in me.”
“That makes you no less valuable. We all have fear in us,” Padmé says, mystified as to how fear could possibly be a hinderance to a peacekeeper. Fear is like pain–a needed warning, and a lesson. “Fear is a thing that you feel, but brave is a thing that you do. And I have already seen you choose to do it time and again.”
Anakin ducks his head again, looking very small, and Padmé wants so badly to wrap him up in her arms and all her regalia and disappear him someplace where the Jedi and the Gungans and the Supreme Chancellor and just–none of them are, not a one, just herself and Sabé and Rabé and Eirtaé and–
Someone like Anakin should never look so small. Really, no one should, but Anakin of all people even less so.
“I can read Huttese and Bocce and I understand Binary, and I can fix anything I can take apart, and I can take apart anything if I’ve got tools. And I know how to build a portable vaporator and I built C-3PO all by myself, and I know how to find food and water in the desert and cook porridge and stew, and, and I–” he stutters, and Padmé just listens helplessly as he keeps obsessively rattling off his skills like he thinks needs to prove something about himself to her. She lets him, because he seems just as helpless to stop himself. She doesn’t know what to say anyway.
Maybe she has a little more sympathy for Obi-Wan holding back from telling him about the Council just yet, though. Listening to this hurts.
“That’s very good, Ani,” she manages once he finally runs out of words, or maybe just runs out of breath, and swallows hard at the sight of him. He’s flushed and half-panting and looks like he might cry. She feels like she might cry, and she wants to disappear him more than ever. She wishes Master Qui-Gon had lived. She wishes Obi-Wan could do–something. “I’m sure you’ll do very well on Naboo, if you stay.”
“Stay where?” Anakin asks, giving her an unnerved look, and Padmé thinks of his fear and uncertainty and poorly-defined concept of “freedom” and has a strange, irrational urge to never trust another sentient near him again.
“Wherever you want to,” she says anyway, because Anakin is free, even if he still doesn’t fully understand what it means, and she can’t answer that question for him. “We’ll help you find a place you like. Naboo will take care of you no matter where you are.”
“I’m scared,” Anakin says, shoulders hunching again and expression ashamed.
“That’s okay,” Padmé says, tightening her grip on his shoulders hopefully not too much. “You can fix things and fly, and you are a very good pilot. And you are so, so brave and kind.”
“I’m not,” Anakin says, shaking his head.
“Would an angel lie to you?” Padmé asks with a weak attempt at a smile. Anakin tries to return it, she thinks, but his attempt is even weaker. She does not blame him. “You can feel as afraid as you like. That’s fine. We’ll be here to help you be brave, too. We are Naboo. That is what we do for each other.”
Anakin stares at her for a long moment, nods helplessly, and then starts to cry. Padmé is certain she grips him too hard when she pulls him into a hug, but he only pushes in harder.
“We now know that 24 hours without sleep, or a week of sleeping four or five hours a night induces an impairment equivalent to a blood alcohol level of .1 percent. We would never say, ‘This person is a great worker! He’s drunk all the time!’ yet we continue to celebrate people who sacrifice sleep for work.”—
Rep. Gwen Moore (D-WI) has had enough of the growing movement to drug test poor people who need government assistance. So on Tuesday, she’s introducing a bill that she says will make things fairer.
Her “Top 1% Accountability Act” would require anyone claiming itemized tax deductions of over $150,000 in a given year to submit a clean drug test. If a filer doesn’t submit a clean test within three months of filing, he won’t be able to take advantage of tax deductions like the mortgage interest deduction or health insurance tax breaks. Instead he would have to make use of the standard deduction.
Her office has calculated that the people impacted will be those who make at least $500,000 a year. “By drug testing those with itemized deductions over $150,000, this bill will level the playing field for drug testing people who are the recipients of social programs,” a memo on her bill notes.
Moore has a personal stake in the fight. “I am a former welfare recipient,” she explained. “I’ve used food stamps, I’ve received Aid for Families with Dependent Children, Medicaid, Head Start for my kids, Title XX daycare [subsidies]. I’m truly grateful for the social safety net.”
I am 100% behind this idea.
YESYESYESYESYES
This is brilliant, and should absolutely happen.
Or it shouldn’t happen, and the insane, racist, classist policy of drug testing welfare recipients should be ended immediately.
I don’t understand why High School Musical 4 is going to get an entire new cast when all they had to do was set it at Chad and Ryan’s wedding
Sharpay - mellowed out some with age, still struggling to make it big, chronically single - insists she’s happy for Ryan but quickly devolves into her obligatory show-stopper about how she’s sick of waiting to meet someone who’s right for her. (Mostly the song entails Sharpay singing her ridiculously long laundry list of requirements while trying on bedazzled wedding dresses.)
There’s a running gag that Troy is supersupersuper late for the wedding. We may or may not ever actually see him, since Zac Efron didn’t even come to the damn ten year reunion and is apparently a huge party pooper. What we do see is Gabriella on the phone with him every fifteen minutes or so, urging him to hurry up. Eventually she decides that he’s obviously stuck in traffic because he doesn’t care about their friends enough and wonders if she should break up with him. Cue the obligatory once-a-movie Gabriella Is Sad song.
Taylor and Chad are SUPER amicable exes and she’s organizing the entire wedding with an iron fist. Chad and Ryan didn’t have to do anything. Kelsey is on piano. Zeke is baking their cake, obvs.
Troy is SUPPOSED TO BE Chad’s best man, but again, he’s supersupersuper late. At one point while Gabriella’s on the phone with him, Chad runs up behind her and yells “DUDE. GETCHA HEAD IN THE GAME” into the phone.
Honestly I’d watch this in a heartbeat and I hated HSM.
2016 is cancelled honestly fuck it I’m done. And you know what 2017 is suspended until further notice. Time is not allowed to advance till shit stops being so fucking awful.
1. Just because you took 7 classes in high school doesn’t mean you can manage 7 classes in college.
2. Just because you woke up at 6am everyday in high school doesn’t mean you can wake up at 6am everyday in college.
3. Just because you got straight A’s in high school doesn’t mean you’ll necessarily get straight A’s in college (and that’s okay).
4. Just because your teachers in high school said they were preparing you for college doesn’t mean you’re actually prepared for college.
5. If your advisor says it’s too much, it’s too much.
6. If Health Services says to take a day off, take a day off.
Ok so it’s the classic story of a young maiden wants a thing and a witch is like “promise me your first born child” and the maidens like “k” and that should be enough but no the witch keeps coming around like “yo where’s my first born child pls” and the maiden is like “bitch I don’t even have a boyfriend” and the witch keeps coming back and being like “how’s the bf search?” And just being generally annoying. then she just keeps coming round and hanging out and they fall in love and the first born child is already the witches and everyone lives happily ever after
Apply to a job, wait (1) day, then call. Give them your first and last name. Tell them you submitted an application and that you’re very motivated to find [Enter field name] work. Let the conversation lead you wherever it takes. Be very polite. Say” thank you for your time, I’ll be looking forward to hearing back from you.” Rinse, repeat. This is to force them to be looking out for your application.
When you get to the interview, shake their hand firmly, tell them your first and last name.
Describe your experiences as “ two years transcription and data entry” if you have a desk job interview and “ [however many years] costumer service, retail and stock” for your retail jobs.
Don’t use job “ buzz words” I stg they hear them all day. Say things like, “ I’m detail oriented and am very good at taking instruction.” “ I would like to work for a company with integrity and I feel that [ company name] would be a good fit”
When they ask you if you have “reliable transportation” say YES. don’t tell them what kind of transportation, just say yes. (if you don’t do this, you wont get the job , I’m telling you right now).
Research the company. Know what they do, why they do it, how OLD the company is. WHERE it was founded, and what kind of position you’re intending to apply for.
When they ask you “ give us a situation where you had to blah blah blah” Make one the fuck up. Make yourself sound good as hell, and like you put your company’s needs slightly above the customer’s needs, but make the customer happy.
If they ask you about being outgoing, Say you “like to focus on your work so you can concentrate on doing things right” (which buys you out of having to act friendly all the time)
Questions for after the interview:
1. Does this position offer upward mobility?
2. Do you enjoy working for the company? (if you’re not interviewing for a temp agency who will send you anywhere)
Then, shake their hand, Ask them to repeat their name (REMEMBER THIS) say thank you for your time, wish them a nice day and leave. write their name down outside if you have to, just remember the fuck out of it.
AFTER your interview, send a card directed to the name of the person who interviewed you (I’ll give you them) that says “Thank you for the interview, I appreciate the opportunity. have a great day” This shows that you have an understanding of professionalism, and will have them thinking of you kindly (or at least remembering you) when they’re shuffling through the choices.
DO NOT tell them you just moved to the city over the phone. In person, tell them you just moved to the city. Make it sound like the only reason you need a job is because you moved. Not because you’re desperate.
__________
The titles of each section are key words you can use to search for jobs on Snagajob.com and Simplyhired.
For @littlestartopaz, with the prompt “Your technomancer has a nightmare about the
electric-user and decides checking on her is the best way to calm down. But the
electric user wakes up before she can leave.”
All right kids
quick rundown of the shit you need to know (because these are characters from
one of the as-yet-untitled novels I’m writing, not fandom-access
characters). It’s set in a near future
where…basically Trump wins the presidency and sets himself up as a
dictator. We’re about 18 years down the
line from the guy (Stone) getting elected and shit’s gone to hell in a pretty
big way. People are getting deported,
people are reporting their neighbors to the police, whole families are vanishing
overnight. If you’re LGBT, non-white,
non-Christian, an immigrant, or an outspoken supporter of any of those things,
you’re in deep shit and a candidate for being disappeared. The novel revolves around Max, who is part of
a rebel organization called Polaris (largely made up of the people listed
above) and who is one of a few people who’ve started to pop up with superhuman
abilities. The existence of these
people—she calls them ‘blues’ and since she was the first one Polaris found,
they go with it—is pretty much an urban legend, largely because the government
has that shit on lock. Max’s ability
allows her to manipulate technology with her mind and make it do…basically
whatever she wants. Her (eventual)
girlfriend Lessa Stone is the daughter of the Trump-equivalent dictator, who
broke Max out of a holding cell and joined Polaris. Lessa, besides being gay as FUCK, is also a
blue, with the ability to generate a massive electrical current in her body and
project it as lightning bolts. So
basically I’m writing a novel that can be summarized as “girlfriends with
superpowers join a cast of LGBT people and PoC to smash the patriarchy.” This snippet takes place sometime between
Lessa joining Polaris and the two of them getting together properly (Lessa has
Some Issues to sort out regarding her sexuality, shockingly).
I shuddered awake, panting. The room was black around me, nothing to
reorient myself, and my hands shook as I reached out and fumbled with the lamp
on the floor next to my cot until the bulb flared to life.
Reblog for the next day even though I posted this at a perfectly reasonable hour because Adler told me to start doing that. And she has learned that if you needle me about my writing until I’m really flustered and then immediately hit me with a command about my writing, the command gets followed.
“Obi-Wan told me about the Council,” Padmé says gently as she stops beside Anakin, and he looks away from the smoldering remains of the pyre to give her a confused, worried look she can just barely see by the light of the dying fire. He looks exhausted, unsurprisingly. He’s just a little boy, and the pyre has been burning for hours and hours. It’s a miracle he’s even awake, much less standing.
“What about the Council?” he asks. Padmé’s lips thin. Obi-Wan at least could’ve–no, no. She won’t blame a man who’s lost someone so dear to him for being unwilling to immediately break bad news to a child who’s grieving and frightened himself at a damn funeral.
Well. She might, a little, but she won’t dwell on it, and she won’t hold it against him.
But Anakin saved her people. No matter her own grief, Padmé could never treat him so poorly just to spare herself. She would’ve thought the same of a Jedi.
“They’ve told him that they will not see you trained as a Jedi,” she says. It’s not the entire truth–it leaves out Obi-Wan’s own silence, and the way he’d denied her eyes as he held it–but it is true, all the same.
Kinder, she thinks, where there cannot truly be a “kind”.
“Oh,” Anakin says. There’s a listless numbness to the response, and his already dull eyes unfocus, drifting to a point just past her shoulder. Something stabs into Padmé’s chest at the sight.
“You will be coming with me,” she says abruptly, drawing herself up as her hands tighten inside her sleeves. She’d meant to ask it, not declare it–that had been her intention on the way over, leaving Obi-Wan behind–but all she can think when she sees that look on Anakin’s face is how abandoned and unwanted he must feel. He could not possibly think a worse thing than that.
“Yes, Master,” Anakin says quietly, looking at the ground.
“Ani,” Padmé says, her expression stricken, and Anakin flinches. She wants to throw her damn title on the fire. “Ani, no, I didn’t mean–I would never take your freedom from you. And even if I would, no one can do that here. This is the Republic.”
“I don’t get it,” Anakin says uncertainly, his shoulders hunching. Padmé grits her teeth against the sight. She is wearing Queen Amidala’s face and should not let so much show on it, but she can’t help it when his face looks like that.
“I swear to you, Anakin Skywalker, no one is going to own you while I breathe,” she tells him fiercely, dropping quickly to her knees in front of him to put them on a level with each other and only resisting the urge to grab his hands because she doubts he’d find any reassurance in the grip. Especially not how tight she’s sure she’d make it, whether she meant to or not.
“But–you won’t own me either?” Anakin says, looking even more uncertain. “And Master Qui-Gon’s dead and his heir isn’t allowed to inherit me, so–so then I–”
“You’re free, Ani,” Padmé reminds him. She thought he knew what that meant. He does, doesn’t he?
For @littlestartopaz, with the prompt “Your technomancer has a nightmare about the
electric-user and decides checking on her is the best way to calm down. But the
electric user wakes up before she can leave.”
All right kids
quick rundown of the shit you need to know (because these are characters from
one of the as-yet-untitled novels I’m writing, not fandom-access
characters). It’s set in a near future
where…basically Trump wins the presidency and sets himself up as a
dictator. We’re about 18 years down the
line from the guy (Stone) getting elected and shit’s gone to hell in a pretty
big way. People are getting deported,
people are reporting their neighbors to the police, whole families are vanishing
overnight. If you’re LGBT, non-white,
non-Christian, an immigrant, or an outspoken supporter of any of those things,
you’re in deep shit and a candidate for being disappeared. The novel revolves around Max, who is part of
a rebel organization called Polaris (largely made up of the people listed
above) and who is one of a few people who’ve started to pop up with superhuman
abilities. The existence of these
people—she calls them ‘blues’ and since she was the first one Polaris found,
they go with it—is pretty much an urban legend, largely because the government
has that shit on lock. Max’s ability
allows her to manipulate technology with her mind and make it do…basically
whatever she wants. Her (eventual)
girlfriend Lessa Stone is the daughter of the Trump-equivalent dictator, who
broke Max out of a holding cell and joined Polaris. Lessa, besides being gay as FUCK, is also a
blue, with the ability to generate a massive electrical current in her body and
project it as lightning bolts. So
basically I’m writing a novel that can be summarized as “girlfriends with
superpowers join a cast of LGBT people and PoC to smash the patriarchy.” This snippet takes place sometime between
Lessa joining Polaris and the two of them getting together properly (Lessa has
Some Issues to sort out regarding her sexuality, shockingly).
I shuddered awake, panting. The room was black around me, nothing to
reorient myself, and my hands shook as I reached out and fumbled with the lamp
on the floor next to my cot until the bulb flared to life.
Sis I need you to spread some of your wisdom and write another "you have to vote for Hillary/dem nominee" truth post because fuck am I worried. Like before the hate on here for HRC was bad but now it's like too far gone and I can't survive a Trump presidency. George Bush was meant to be the "compassionate conservative" and look what he did.
okay my boss made a pot of coffee for the office and i drank that pot of coffee plus some espresso so i’m in exactly the right place to write this post.
hillary clinton is the democratic party’s nominee for president! donald trump is the republican party’s nominee for president! soon they will choose vice presidents! the general election Has Begun! we have exactly 152 more days of hell to live through and every moment of that hell is gonna be GREAT
your options are:
vote for trump
vote for clinton
vote for a third party candidate (jill stein, gary johnson, etc.)
it’s generally understood that no third party candidate has a legitimate chance of winning. wikipedia has a helpful list of high-profile third party candidates over the past 184 years of american history; they do not win elections unless america is divided enough that, say, half of it secedes. america is very polarized right now, but the level of civil violence we’ve been experiencing recently doesn’t point to a secessionary atmosphere. i wouldn’t be surprised if both stein and johnson got higher vote counts than normal this year, but neither will get actual electoral votes.
so a vote for a third-party candidate only makes sense as an act of protest, and stein and johnson will definitely get plenty of those protest votes.
ithe usual reason for protest votes from leftists is that the democratic party and the gop are too alike; people tend to say that “hillary is just as bad as the gop, so it doesn’t really matter which one of them gets into power, they’re all the same anyway.”
i disagree. here are the reasons why i disagree:
donald trump would like to deport all 11 million undocumented immigrants in the united states and build a wall along the american-mexican border. hillary clinton does not plan to deport these immigrants, and wants to give “dreamers” a path to united states citizenship.
donald trump plans to create specific legal hurdles to muslim people immigrating to the united states. hillary clinton does not plan to do this.
donald trump wants to expand concealed-carry permits. hillary clinton wants to increase background checks, ban assault weapons, and have the cdc study gun violence more.
donald trump does not support same-sex marriage, and thinks transgender bathroom laws should be left to individual states. hillary clinton supports same-sex marriage, and wants all transgender people to be able to use the bathroom corresponding to their gender.
donald trump thinks abortion laws should be left to individual states, and plans to put anti-abortion justices on the supreme court. hillary clinton supports abortion’s legality.
donald trump denies the existence of climate change, and plans to exit the paris agreement. hillary clinton acknowledges the existence of climate change, and plans to stay in the paris agreement.
donald trump supports offshore drilling and the keystone xl pipeline. hillary clinton does not support offshore drilling, and thinks keystone xl construction should not continue.
donald trump does not think the minimum wage should be raised. hillary clinton wants to raise the minimum wage.
donald trump wants to end obamacare. hillary clinton wants to continue obamacare and expand medicaid.
donald trump wants to privatize prisons. hillary clinton wants to limit use of the death penalty and allow felons to vote.
donald trump does not think police should wear body cameras. hillary clinton thinks they should.
were this any other election, this post would end here. unfortunately, donald trump’s disqualifications go above and beyond his conservative views.
he has threatened reporters, protesters, and others who disagree with him with legal reprisals only because they disagree with him.
he has encouraged violence against protesters at his rallies.
his candidacy has resulted in demonstrable and proved rises in anti-mexican and anti-muslim sentiment and violence, especially bullying of schoolchildren.
his platform operates on the basic assumption that legal discrimination against certain minority groups– specifically mexicans and muslims– would improve america’s economy and society.
he would need far more power than the presidential office currently has in order to implement his racist, islamophobic policies. it is unlikely that he would hesitate in doing his best to seize this power.
it’s understandable to me that far-leftists dislike voting for a candidate with more moderate views than theirs. and, again, were this any other election, i would sympathize to some extent with a protest vote against clinton.
however, donald trump is a fascist.
i do not say “fascist” as a more exaggerated way of saying “bad person”. it is a specific term with a specific definition. ted cruz is not a fascist. marco rubio is not a fascist. ronald reagan was not a fascist.
donald trump is an authoritarian, rising to power on a wave of racism, bigotry, fear, and hate. he has deliberately created a cult of personality around himself and his name. he encourages his followers to use violence against his enemies, and intends to level police violence against his political enemies and certain minority groups.
i am a jew.
i want to make it clear: i am not personally afraid of donald trump. while many of his followers, like david duke, are virulently antisemitic, his platforms do not focus on my people as america’s enemies. i will be affected by his homophobia and his sexism, but not by his anti-mexican or anti-muslim sentiment.
but while i am not personally threatened, i am personally involved. there is a fascist running for president of my country; i am a jew. this fight is my fight. this man is my responsibility. no fascist will ever come to power again.
historically speaking, the far left’s choices in these fights are crucial. whether they choose to focus their attentions on moderate leftist democrats or on far-right fascists determines which of these groups will be defeated and which will be able to rise to power.
i genuinely like hillary clinton; her policies aren’t radical or revolutionary, but many of them are steps in positive directions for america. she’s practical, experienced, and intelligent. she isn’t a charismatic preacher; i’m fine with that. eight years of government by someone who ran as a charismatic preacher have made me a little more jaded, a little more aware of the importance of effectiveness over inspiration. i encourage people to like her as a candidate for her own sake.
if you don’t like her as a candidate, that’s all right. i don’t need you to.
i do need you to be aware of the consequences of allowing trump to come to power. i do need you to be aware of the promise the entire western world made my people seventy years ago. i do need you to understand your personal responsibility in fulfilling that promise.
that’s why i think you should vote for hillary clinton in november.
I write. I swear to God. I actually love writing fanfic. BUT, and here’s the catch, I have a ton of trouble coming up with short fic ideas. Short anything ideas, really. The most memorable example is that one time I decided to write how I thought someone being able to see the future would pan out, just a few pages of character study, dicking around with super powers, nothing fancy. Smash cut to a year and a half later, I’m wrapping up my 350 page novel and staring dismally at my 200 additional pages of worldbuilding. And it’s always like that, it gets so out of hand.
SO. My solution to that is this. If you have a craving for a specific pairing that you know I ship, shoot me a prompt and I’ll throw together a short fic for you and post it. I’m trying to unwind after finals, so it’ll be good for me, and you’ll get fic, so it’ll be good for you.
Hit me up.
This is your reminder that I’m bored and open for prompts.
This is your reminder that Science! involves a lot of sitting around and waiting for the PCR machine to be done cycling, so prompts would be appreciated.
one of the most annoying things is making OCs cause like, i’ll develop their character and design but slowly they become their own thing entirely and i’m just holding the scraps of who they were supposed to be and instead they’re basically running away naked across a field while flipping me the bird
I wonder if, in superhero universes, the villains ever get contacted by those “Make a Wish Foundation” and similar people.
I mean, the heroes do, of course they do, kids who want to meet Spiderman or Superman or get to be carried by the Flash as he runs through Central City for just thirty seconds.
But surely there are also the kids, who - because they are kids and sometimes kids are just weird - decide that what they really, really want is to meet a supervillain. Because he’s scary or she’s awesome or that freeze ray is just really, really cool, you know?
Oh, man, that would absolutely be a thing. The heroes would be so weirded out by it. The villains with codes of ethics would totally band together to force the villains without one (should they be the one requested) to do their part for the cause.
But imagine the person who has to track down the villains and organise everything?
Like, the first time it happens, no one actually thinks it’s possible, but one of the newbies volunteers to at least try. They get lucky, the kid wants to meet one of the villains who is well known to have a personal code of ethics (eg one of the rogues), and it takes them weeks to track the villain down to this one bar they’ve been seen at a few times, plus a week of staking out said bar, but they finally find them.
So they approach the villain, very politely introduce themselves and explain the situation, finishing with an assurance that, should the villain agree, no law enforcement or heroes will be informed of the meeting.
The villain, assuming it’s a joke, laughs in their face.
At this point, the poor volunteer, who has giving up weeks of their time and no small amount of effort to track down this villain, all so a sweet little girl can meet the person who somehow inspired them, well, at this point the employee sees red.
They explode, yelling at this villain about the little girl who, for some unknown reason, absolutely loved them, had a hand-made stuffed toy of them and was inspired by their struggle to keeping fighting her own and wasn’t the villain supposed to have ethics? The entire bar is witness to this big bad villain getting scolded by some bookish nobody a foot shorter than them.
When the volunteer is done, the villain calmly knocks back their drink, grips the volunteers shoulder and drags them outside. The bar’s patrons assume that person will never be seen again, the volunteer included. But once they’re outside, the villain apologises for their assumption, asks for the kid’s details so they can drop by in the near future, not saying when for obvious reasons. They also give the very relieved volunteer a phone number to call if someone asks for them again.
A week later, the little girl’s room is covered in villain merchandise, several expensive and clearly stolen gifts and she is happily clutching a stack of signed polaroids of her and the villain.
The next time a kid asks to meet a villain, guess who gets that assignment?
Turns out, the first villain was quite touched by the experience of meeting their little fan, and word has gotten around. The second villain happily agrees when they realise it’s the same volunteer who asked the other guy. Unfortunately, one of the heroes sees the villain entering the kid’s hospital and obviously assumes the worst. They rush in, ready to drag the villain out, but the volunteer stands in their way. The hero spends five minutes getting scolded for trying to stop the villain from actually doing a good thing and almost ruining the kid’s wish. The volunteer gets a reputation among villains as someone who can not only be trusted with personal contact numbers but who will do everything they can to keep law enforcement away during their visits.
The volunteer has a phonebook written in cypher of all the villain’s phone numbers, with asterixes next to the ones to call if any other villains give them trouble.
Around the office, they gain the unofficial job title of The Villain Wrangler.
The heroes are genuinely flabbergasted by The Villain Wrangler. At first, some of the heroes try to reason with them.
Heroes: “Can’t you, just, give us their contact details? They’ll never even have to know it was you.”
The Villain Wrangler: “Yeah sure, <rollseyes> because all these evil geniuses could never possibly figure out that it’s me who happens to be the common thread in the sudden mass arrests. Look man, even if it wouldn’t get me killed, it would disappoint the kids. You wouldn’t want to disappoint the kids would you?”
Heroes: “… no~ but…”
The Villain Wrangler: “Exactly.”
Eventually, one of the anti-hero types gets frustrated, and decides to take a stand. They kidnap the Villain Wrangler and demand that they give up the contents of the little black book of Villains, or suffer the consequences. It’s For the Greater Good, the anti-hero insists as they tie the Villain Wrangler to a pillar.
The Villain Wrangler: “You complete idiot, put me back before someone figures out that I’m missing.”
Anti-hero: “…excuse me?”
The Villain Wrangler: “Ugh, do I have to spell this out for you? Do you actually want your secret base to be wiped off the map? With us in it? Sugarsticks, how long has it been? If they get suspicious, they check in, and then if I miss a check-in, they tend to come barging into wherever I am just to prove that they can, even if they figure out that they’re not being threatened by proxy. Suffice to say, Auntie Muriel really regretted throwing my phone into the pool when she strenuously objected to me answering it during family time. If they think for even one moment that I’ve given them up, they won’t hesitate to obliterate both of us from their potential misery. You do know some of the people in my book have like missiles and djinni and elemental forces at their disposal, right?”
Anti-hero: “Wait, what? I thought they trusted you?!”
The Villain Wrangler: “Trust is such a strong word!”
Villain: “Indeed.”
Anti-hero: “Wait, wha-” <slumps over, dart sticking out of neck>
The Villain Wrangler: “Thanks. I thought they were going to hurt me.”
Villain: “You did well. You kept them distracted, and gave us time to follow your signal.” <cuts Villain Wrangler free>
The Villain Wrangler: <rubbing circulation back into limbs> “Yeah well, you know me, I do whatever I have to. So I’ll see you Wednesday at four at St Martha’s? I’ve got an 8yo burns unit patient recovering from her latest batch of skin grafts who could really use a pep talk.”
Villain: “… of course. Yes… I… yes.”
The Villain Wrangler: “I just think you could really reach her, you know?”
Villain: <unconsciously runs fingers over mask> “I… yes, but, what should I say?”
The Villain Wrangler: “Whatever advice you think you could have used the most just after.”
Villain: <hoists Anti-hero over shoulder almost absently> “….yes.”
The Villain Wrangler wasn’t lying to the Anti-hero. They know that the more ruthless villains would not hesitate if they thought for one second that the Anti-hero would betray them.
But this is not the first time the Villain Wrangler has gone to extreme lengths to protect their identities.
Trust is a strong word. The Villain Wrangler earned it, and is terrified by what it could mean.
So, on one hand, I agree that it’s hilarious that werewolves in stories consistently forget about the full moon. On the other hand, I can’t believe the hypocrisy of me (or any of us) being like, “oh wow, what kind of idiot doesn’t remember this thing that consistently happens every month and has serious consequences. ha ha ha.” I mean, before one notices the speck in a fictional werewolf’s eye, one must take stock of how many pairs of underwear one has ruined.
Luke and Leia have exactly zero percent fear response to sensing the Dark Side. This will definitely never backfire on anyone ever.
The handmaidens regularly take turns going on missions with Vader. Usually there’s two of them; there’s almost always at least one. Padmé slightly hates herself for sending them, but has no intention of stopping sending them. She hates herself a lot more for a lot of other things she’s still doing. The handmaidens don’t answer to Vader and Vader doesn’t answer to the handmaidens, but they DO occasionally remind him what Padmé said in the briefing.
Padmé has nightmares every time that Vader is too far away to sense her having nightmares. She has no idea if this is because that’s when she has the room to or if it’s just because he’s out of her reach, and she doesn’t want to know either way.
I may have mentioned this before but OH MAN, does Vader feel SO CONTENT in the Dark. Like, it is warm and soft and cozy as FUCK to him. He loves it. It’s GREAT. Which, well, he’s probably accessing it through mostly positive emotions, barring some murder-rages and the like, so that should probably make sense, buuuut that also means he’s fueled more than a few horrible slaughters on the power of love, lol. Not even in the VENGEFUL AND PROTECTIVE sense, either, just literally the soft happy feeling of Padmé’s lips pressing to the corner of his mouth or the twin’s little hands in his.
Eventually, Padmé is accidentally going to genuinely injure Vader in bed. It is not going to go well. The WAY in which it is not going to go well remains up for debate.
usually in redeemed!vader fanfic obi-wan crops up at some point, but i'm honestly glad he doesn't in your double agent vader series, mostly because it allows more room for vader/leia interaction, but secondarily because i don't think even obi-wan can come up with a reply to vader's (inevitable) scathing, "i'd risk life and limb for you, but i don't have any," and i'm not ready for obi-wan to be that thoroughly roasted
Oh my God.
I started reading this thinking I was gonna give you a long and thoughtful reply, but then I got to the end and I just.
That’s the sickest burn I’ve ever seen. Like damn. I am in awe of you, anon. I never would have thought of that one myself.
