I don’t know the rules of Miraculous at all outside of what
I’ve gathered from tumblr, so maybe this is illegal in canon but
I’m highly entertained by the idea that like, the class
takes a trip to somewhere high-security that requires passing through a metal
detector. So they tell the kids that all jewelry needs to be removed. Which is
like, cue small amount of panic from Adrien/Marinette as they remove their ring
and earrings. Some other patrons see their anxiousness and assume it must be
because those earrings/ring are highly valuable.
And this includes the akumized person in line who’s here to
rob the place.
Kids head inside. Akumized person overpowers the guard,
grabs the jewelry basket, rushes inside to steal whatever else. In their hurry,
Adrien’s ring drops out of the basket.
Marinette notices the person first. Hands shoot to her ears, but
nothing’s there. So she races back to the security desk to retrieve her
earrings. Lo and behold, they’re not there. There’s only a dropped ring on the
floor and…Chat Noir’s miraculous? Plagg sees her, and all rules-of-hiding be
damned pretty much tells her “Yeah I have no idea where Chat is. And that
person in there is akumized. And you already seem to be aware of this so just
put on this ring I’ll walk you through what’s about to happen.”
Very confused, she puts the ring on her finger. And (to
Plagg’s confusion now) Marinette activates it entirely on her own, and becomes
Mari-chat Noir (this is weird). But there’s not much time to think about
it. Plagg just gives her the speed-course in Chat’s powers and she rushes back
inside to fight.
The fight, of course, gets Adrien’s attention. Who now sees
the rather clumsy battle between akumized person and “Hey that’s not me”!Chat
Noir. Mari-chat Noir lands a kick on the person, which sends the jewelry basket
flying. People start running from the scene. The basket lands next to Adrien. He
drops to his knees and starts sifting through it frantically for his ring. It’s
not there. What is there is Ladybug’s
miraculous.
Tiki’s response is more or less. “You have to go help
Ladybug up there. Are your ears pierced? Never mind. Just take these earrings
and clip them to your shirt I’ll walk you through what to do.” So
Adrien does, and (to Tiki’s surprise) he knows how to activate the earrings, and becomes
Adri-bug.
Adrien joins the fight. The first 30 seconds are taken up by
mutual “Hey that’s my miraculous!”/”Where did you get that?”/”If you’re Ladybug, and I’m Ladybug, then who’s flying the plane?” exchanges. But
hell, at least they’re used to working together. Except now they have to coordinate
by giving each other commands for the best Ladybug/Chat Noir technique, now as
Adri-bug and Mari-chat Noir, to use in this situation.
The students watching the fight are downright baffled
because it’s definitely Ladybug and
Chat Noir up there. Except…Ladybug is Chat Noir. And Chat is Ladybug. And
describing the fight becomes downright impossible because it boils down to, “Then
Ladybug whacked the guy in the face. Well I mean it was Chat Noir. But Chat
Noir was Ladybug. Okay I mean Chat Noir the person
was Ladybug the superhero and he whacked
the guy in the face. No wait, let me rephrase.”
After the fight’s over, both of them agree to shut their
eyes, remove the jewelry, and drop the earrings/ring back into each other’s
hands, and turn away. It wouldnt be right to out each other over this. Both Tiki and Plagg go home with their proper owner. And
both of them are quiet in the realization of what happened. Because yes, that
was both Ladybug and Chat Noir fighting just now, and both Tiki and Plagg know
exactly which classmate they flagged down to take on the opposite miraculous role.
FYI there's a really good fic based off of that "adrien loses a bet and has to model underwear and marinette fucking loses it" fanart and it is really good! Smoulder by midnightstarlightwrites, check it out :D
as much as its fun to laugh at these brexit memes i don’t want anyone to forget how serious this actually is. i have one of my housemates crying in my room bc her career relied on the uk being a part of the eu (she wanted to go into foreign diplomacy). my mum is freaking out because the uk basically just put xenophobia and racism ahead of its own interests and she doesn’t know what that means for her immigrant self, or her british born foreign children. my brother-in-law who works for a french company is terrified that his job won’t be there tomorrow. i’m living in the netherlands rn and the pound has plummeted so much that the money i budgeted at the start of this month is no longer enough for me to make rent and eat. this is just the beginning and this is only how brexit is effecting one singular person (me). i can’t even imagine the wider damage this is gonna cause.
I would just like to say fuck you to everyone who made me feel inadequate growing up and ruining my self esteem for years. You all suck and I’m glad I don’t talk to any of you any more.
I wonder if, in superhero universes, the villains ever get contacted by those “Make a Wish Foundation” and similar people.
I mean, the heroes do, of course they do, kids who want to meet Spiderman or Superman or get to be carried by the Flash as he runs through Central City for just thirty seconds.
But surely there are also the kids, who - because they are kids and sometimes kids are just weird - decide that what they really, really want is to meet a supervillain. Because he’s scary or she’s awesome or that freeze ray is just really, really cool, you know?
Oh, man, that would absolutely be a thing. The heroes would be so weirded out by it. The villains with codes of ethics would totally band together to force the villains without one (should they be the one requested) to do their part for the cause.
But imagine the person who has to track down the villains and organise everything?
Like, the first time it happens, no one actually thinks it’s possible, but one of the newbies volunteers to at least try. They get lucky, the kid wants to meet one of the villains who is well known to have a personal code of ethics (eg one of the rogues), and it takes them weeks to track the villain down to this one bar they’ve been seen at a few times, plus a week of staking out said bar, but they finally find them.
So they approach the villain, very politely introduce themselves and explain the situation, finishing with an assurance that, should the villain agree, no law enforcement or heroes will be informed of the meeting.
The villain, assuming it’s a joke, laughs in their face.
At this point, the poor volunteer, who has giving up weeks of their time and no small amount of effort to track down this villain, all so a sweet little girl can meet the person who somehow inspired them, well, at this point the employee sees red.
They explode, yelling at this villain about the little girl who, for some unknown reason, absolutely loved them, had a hand-made stuffed toy of them and was inspired by their struggle to keeping fighting her own and wasn’t the villain supposed to have ethics? The entire bar is witness to this big bad villain getting scolded by some bookish nobody a foot shorter than them.
When the volunteer is done, the villain calmly knocks back their drink, grips the volunteers shoulder and drags them outside. The bar’s patrons assume that person will never be seen again, the volunteer included. But once they’re outside, the villain apologises for their assumption, asks for the kid’s details so they can drop by in the near future, not saying when for obvious reasons. They also give the very relieved volunteer a phone number to call if someone asks for them again.
A week later, the little girl’s room is covered in villain merchandise, several expensive and clearly stolen gifts and she is happily clutching a stack of signed polaroids of her and the villain.
The next time a kid asks to meet a villain, guess who gets that assignment?
Turns out, the first villain was quite touched by the experience of meeting their little fan, and word has gotten around. The second villain happily agrees when they realise it’s the same volunteer who asked the other guy. Unfortunately, one of the heroes sees the villain entering the kid’s hospital and obviously assumes the worst. They rush in, ready to drag the villain out, but the volunteer stands in their way. The hero spends five minutes getting scolded for trying to stop the villain from actually doing a good thing and almost ruining the kid’s wish. The volunteer gets a reputation among villains as someone who can not only be trusted with personal contact numbers but who will do everything they can to keep law enforcement away during their visits.
The volunteer has a phonebook written in cypher of all the villain’s phone numbers, with asterixes next to the ones to call if any other villains give them trouble.
Around the office, they gain the unofficial job title of The Villain Wrangler.
The heroes are genuinely flabbergasted by The Villain Wrangler. At first, some of the heroes try to reason with them.
Heroes: “Can’t you, just, give us their contact details? They’ll never even have to know it was you.”
The Villain Wrangler: “Yeah sure, <rollseyes> because all these evil geniuses could never possibly figure out that it’s me who happens to be the common thread in the sudden mass arrests. Look man, even if it wouldn’t get me killed, it would disappoint the kids. You wouldn’t want to disappoint the kids would you?”
Heroes: “… no~ but…”
The Villain Wrangler: “Exactly.”
Eventually, one of the anti-hero types gets frustrated, and decides to take a stand. They kidnap the Villain Wrangler and demand that they give up the contents of the little black book of Villains, or suffer the consequences. It’s For the Greater Good, the anti-hero insists as they tie the Villain Wrangler to a pillar.
The Villain Wrangler: “You complete idiot, put me back before someone figures out that I’m missing.”
Anti-hero: “…excuse me?”
The Villain Wrangler: “Ugh, do I have to spell this out for you? Do you actually want your secret base to be wiped off the map? With us in it? Sugarsticks, how long has it been? If they get suspicious, they check in, and then if I miss a check-in, they tend to come barging into wherever I am just to prove that they can, even if they figure out that they’re not being threatened by proxy. Suffice to say, Auntie Muriel really regretted throwing my phone into the pool when she strenuously objected to me answering it during family time. If they think for even one moment that I’ve given them up, they won’t hesitate to obliterate both of us from their potential misery. You do know some of the people in my book have like missiles and djinni and elemental forces at their disposal, right?”
Anti-hero: “Wait, what? I thought they trusted you?!”
The Villain Wrangler: “Trust is such a strong word!”
Villain: “Indeed.”
Anti-hero: “Wait, wha-” <slumps over, dart sticking out of neck>
The Villain Wrangler: “Thanks. I thought they were going to hurt me.”
Villain: “You did well. You kept them distracted, and gave us time to follow your signal.” <cuts Villain Wrangler free>
The Villain Wrangler: <rubbing circulation back into limbs> “Yeah well, you know me, I do whatever I have to. So I’ll see you Wednesday at four at St Martha’s? I’ve got an 8yo burns unit patient recovering from her latest batch of skin grafts who could really use a pep talk.”
Villain: “… of course. Yes… I… yes.”
The Villain Wrangler: “I just think you could really reach her, you know?”
Villain: <unconsciously runs fingers over mask> “I… yes, but, what should I say?”
The Villain Wrangler: “Whatever advice you think you could have used the most just after.”
Villain: <hoists Anti-hero over shoulder almost absently> “….yes.”
The Villain Wrangler wasn’t lying to the Anti-hero. They know that the more ruthless villains would not hesitate if they thought for one second that the Anti-hero would betray them.
But this is not the first time the Villain Wrangler has gone to extreme lengths to protect their identities.
Trust is a strong word. The Villain Wrangler earned it, and is terrified by what it could mean.
My first official deadpool headcanon is this. This this this.
Okay but this whole concept actually makes a lot of sense, because villains are a lot more likely to be disfigured/disabled/use adaptive devices (bc ableist tropes), so of course, say, a child amputee is going to be more interested in the villain with a robot arm who almost destroyed New York than the heroes that took him down.
Also, imagine one of the kids gets better, and a few years down the line becomes a villain themself, except their crimes are things like smuggling chemo drugs across the border for families that can’t afford treatment, or stealing from corrupt businessmen to make donations to underfunded hospitals (idk this turned into a Leverage AU or something) and every time the heroes encounter her, they’re like “oh no. she’s getting away. curses. welp, nothing we can do.” Though it isn’t that she can’t take them on; bc of course once the villain from way back when found out what she was up to, he started helping/training her.
“I thought they just hired someone to dress up and pretend to be you,” she says, amazed, when he reveals himself. “I didn’t think they actually got the real you!”
Every year the Villain Wrangler gets a very expensive gift basket from the pair.
and for the kids who don’t get better the villains are there too, they show up to every funeral, they bear too small coffins on their shoulders and the heroes stand aside
they are fierce with grieving families assuring them that their child will not be forgotten, and they don’t balk at negative emotions, they don’t tell people to be strong or “celebrate their child’s life,” because these parents have every right to their grief and anger
and the lost children are never forgotten. flowers appear on graves during birthdays and anniversaries, heroes find pictures of those kids and they carefully take them down and ensure they’re delivered to the villain’s cell, and a few villains can be seen with friendship bracelets wrapped around their wrists the cops have learned not to try and take them off
The thing about emo (as a musical genre and a cultural phenomenon) is, I think, that it was a response to the September 11, 2001 terror attacks and the Bush administration’s painful mishandling thereof.
No, I’m serious. My Chemical Romance was formed as a direct result of Gerard Way witnessing the towers fall. Green Day’s ‘American Idiot’ (an album that, at least as far as I can tell from having been a teenager in Canada at the time, was seminal in influencing the look and sound of emo) is all about the Bush administration - all the lyrics are about life under a democratic dystopia and many reference current events from the time - and it came out in 2004, halfway through the Bush presidency. A bunch of Linkin Park’s stuff makes reference to it also, especially their album ‘Minutes to Midnight’, where they first started moving out of the nu-metal/rap sound they’d been working with before and into a more mainstream emo-rock sound. That album came out in 2007. All of the really big bands with that kind of sound - and most of the smaller ones with more of a punk/hardcore sound but similar themes - were active in the mainstream from around 2001-2010. Many of them didn’t survive past 2009, and those that did either totally reinvented themselves (Fall Out Boy, Panic! At The Disco, MCR for the five minutes it took to produce Danger Days, Linkin Park) or became near-totally irrelevant (Paramore dropped an album sometime in the last two years; did any of you know that? And Green Day haven’t mattered since 21st Century Breakdown, which was released in 2009).
Why? Well, many of you are probably too young to remember this, but the 2001 terror attacks were what really made ‘Islamic terrorism’ a real threat in the minds of most Westerners. We’d never experienced an attack of that scale on American soil, and it was just as the internet was really becoming a mainstay in every house and my generation was getting online. As a result, it was not only a major political event, but it was hugely personal - the coverage was everywhere, in everybody’s home, all the time, and there were a lot of kids being exposed to the coverage in such a way that they often had no good way to process it. I’m not exaggerating when I say it changed the way we live. I’m Canadian and I felt this shit. Before, we could fly to America domestic, without a passport. Now? Half the draconian, ridiculous rules that hold you up at the TSA today were initiated in September and October of 2001. It was the only thing anyone could think of to do - lock down, protect your own. People were scared, on a continental scale.
And to make matters worse, George W. Bush’s government, which had to somehow respond to and take point in the response to this unprecedented event, didn’t seem to have the first foggiest clue what they were doing. This was a government that not only didn’t seem to listen to its people, not only lied blatantly to its people, but did it badly. They made hugely unpopular decisions, including starting a war in the Middle East that dragged in multiple countries and completely failed to achieve its stated goal of catching Osama bin Laden or proving that he had in his control weapons of mass destruction (the whole war was predicated on the fact that these so-called weapons of mass destruction existed, that the Bush administration had good reason to believe that they existed, were under the control of the Taliban, and were going to be used against Western targets, none of which was ever proven to be true).
So, from 2001-2009, the two (TWO) full terms of the Bush presidency, there were a whole lot of people who couldn’t vote (be they under the age of majority, like most of the emo kids I knew, or Canadians unhappily dragged along with the US’ boneheaded foreign policy decisions because we’re allies, also like most of the emo kids I knew) and therefore felt, not only scared of basically the impending end of their world in a way that they hadn’t previously had to feel, and not only angry about being clearly lied to and clumsily manipulated when the truth was obvious to anyone with eyes, but also powerless to do anything to change anything about that. And meanwhile, people kept dying in this pointless war and the president kept trying to hold together the illusion that everything was hunky-dory.
And what was popular with teenagers from about 2001-2009? Yep. Emo.
Emo as a genre was very personal, very focused on the individual (with the exception of the albums I noted above), but lyrically and musically, it fit right with the cultural atmosphere of the time. People were scared of the impending end of their world/their lives? Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge and The Black Parade. People were angry about things they felt powerless to change? From Under The Cork Tree and Decemberunderground. Emo captured what kids were feeling about trying to fit into a world that was so clearly fucked up and broken and pretending to be okay, putting on a strong face to Show The Terrorists They Didn’t Win. Emo was about stripping away the mask, exposing the messy, angry, frightened, sad, true underbelly of American society at the time, and exposing hypocrisy - in individuals as much as in politicians. The hatred of ‘preps’ and ‘posers’? Totally not just a My Immortal thing. Emo was about wearing your heart on your sleeve, about it being okay to mourn, to rage, to be afraid for your life beyond this - and to keep moving forward regardless, step by slow step.
So what changed in 2009 that made the phenomenon fade without so much as a whimper? Simple. Hope. The Audacity of Hope, to be exact.
Barack Obama won his presidency largely because young people supported him. Those were the young people who suffered through feeling helpless and powerless under Bush, who wanted things to change but felt they had no chance of making it so. Barack Obama was a chance. One of his first campaign promises was to end the Iraq war, a promise he followed through on. And even if his presidency hasn’t been perfect, it has never been the Bush administration, with the feeling that the will of the people was being entirely and quietly ignored by those in power to further their own agendas.
What I am saying, then, I guess, is that it’s time to buy stocks in Hot Topic, because whatever happens in the upcoming US presidential election, there are a lot of young people who may soon be needing black, white, and red graphic band tees and Manic Panic hair dye.
From someone who was in American high school in 2001, we were also incredibly terrified for at least the early Bush years. We were all pretty sure that the draft could possibly be reinstated and we could get sucked into the war. Some of my friends and I had plans on how best to get Don’t Ask, Don’t Telled out of the draft. We were all absolutely terrified of the prospect.
Hey! I have a story. When I was in 8th grade they filmed Grown Ups 2 in my town. I watched them film all summer. It was really cool. They needed local middle school kids for a classroom scene, and I was picked to be in it. The day before I was supposed to be on set, I decided (for some unknown reason) to call my mom a "cum guzzling thundercunt". She got super mad, and called the casting director, and had me taken out of the movie. I had a meltdown, and kicked a hole through our kitchen wall.
Holy God, you are hardcore, I’m so fucking entertained. I can’t even judge you for the housing damage, I’ve done some housing damage, but still. Damn, buddy, I tip my hat to, if nothing else, your fucking creativity.
So here's a story of when i was a wee lass. Me, my mom, and older brother were out shopping and i was probably like 5 at the time and my brother was 7. So we were shopping and my bro was glued to my moms side while I was interested in my career as a
Mannequin. Weird ik, so I’m at the front of the store standing in the window, posing with all the other mannequins, standing completely still. And being the dedicated person i am, i did not break my role fot anything, not even to use the potty. Thats
Right, I completely wet myself to keep my mannequin charade up. So my mom came to check on my and sees the little piddle by my feet and drops everything. She grabs me andy brother and just bolts out the store. And thats the end of story time today:)
Holy shit this is beautiful, I need this in my epic tales tag, this is getting posted just because I NEED IT IN MY TAG.
Everyone should feel totally free to tell me crazy stories from their past.
Here’s a video by John Oliver explaining with witty humour why leaving the EU was a bad idea (the video is from Sunday, so it’s asking people to vote remain, but I think it’ll help some people understand a bit better what the downsides are and what the vote means):
hello yes i heard about book suggestions and. novel of the dresden files, by jim butcher. a wonderful mix of fantastic, fantasy and noir novel. the humor is spot on, the characters believable. it is not perfect by any means, but it is highly enjoyable and i recommend it to everyone.
BABE, The Dresden Files are the shit, I haven’t had time to blow through the whole series but I fucking LOVE the urban-fantasy-noir vibe of them, I aspire to that vibe in my life and in my writing. Harry Dresden is the patron saint of Being Fucking Done, I adore him, and Murphy is so small and fighty and lawful, I just. I fucking LOVE The Dresden Files, like, hell fucking yes, I need to acquire ALL OF THEM and read them obsessively. Everyone, if you’re in the mood for weird dark cities full of intricate magic and secrets, and characters who just want to take a nap but are going to save the world anyway so that they CAN take a nap, Harry Dresden is here for you. Like, no, it’s not perfect, no book is, but it’s a great fucking ride.
Also if anyone has any good recommendations for fic of “Harry Dresden gets sucked into another magic user’s debacle and just wants to be left alone,” hit me the fuck up. Like there’s this one particular one where Sarah Williams’ stepmother (of Labyrinth) comes to him and asks for help because Sarah, the newly-crowned Goblin Queen, keeps visiting and is getting increasingly inhuman and the stepmother is afraid, it’s both deeply unnerving and FUCKING GLORIOUS, I believe the series is called “Children’s Voices Should Be Dear” and y’all should go read it.
I’m gonna fucking post this publicly because DRESDEN FILES.
ALSO-ALSO, oh my God, guys, make this a thing, send me book recs or requests for book recs, oh my god do it, I’ve read too many books in my life.
Go to your nearest target. Buy a two pack of pushup bras(24$ for 2), and target’s bra inserts (12$). Then go to your nearest Walmart and buy the Vasserette Control Shapewear Panties (2.50 each), they do wonders for helping your tuck. There you go! You just saved yourself a lot of money, you can afford to buy enough to wear every day, and best of all you look fabulous. -@twidx
recs for trans women are so rare on tumblr!! spread this, people.
Please reblog this, in total it’s about $38.50 to make a huge difference for a trans woman/trans feminine person.
if you ever feel like a fuckup, just think you will never in your life fuck up as badly as david cameron, the prime minister of the united kingdom, whose political gamble in calling this referendum has completely backfired and britain has not only voted to leave the eu but it might also cause scotland and northern ireland to break up from the union. so if you ever feel like a fuckup, just think of dave and how he, the prime minister of the united kingdom, has single-handedly put at risk the economic prosperity, political stability and unity of his country for the advancement of his own political career and that he will now probably have to resign knowing that this will be his legacy
Cornelius Fudge is shaking his head right now saying “Man, at least I didn’t fuck up quite this badly”
look, if you said to me a year ago that Britain would leave the EU and that the Philippines - my country - would vote a misogynistic foul-mouthed fucktard into power, I would’ve laughed at you.
but both these things have happened this year.
you know what else I would’ve laughed about a year ago?
the possibility that Donald Trump might win the U.S. presidential elections.
considering that the two other things I was laughing about before have now come true, I think it’s time now that the U.S. gets serious, bc look at Britain and how the referendum alone has impacted its economy. look at the Philippines’ president-elect and how he treats women, how cheaply he sees people’s lives.
look at those examples.
please, you guys. vote for your democratic candidate, no matter who it is. please.
The UK has left Europe. Which means we’ve also left behind all the laws Europe put in place for the protection of LGBT people and a shit ton of other good laws as well. The pound is at its lowest worth since 1985 meaning that thousands will loose their jobs as major companies try to save money by cutting the number of staff they employ, and a loaf of bread will probs cost more than fixing the teeth of everyone who’s ever been on Jezza Kyle ever. So no, we’re not really alright but it’s our own fault tbh.
What the shit
2016 is truly a nightmare for everyone. Sorry to hear it.
There is a petition to try and call another referendum about the EU, with a rule asking for a 60% majority before a decision is made. Yes this is a shitty time, but hopefully there’s still a chance to fix things. The Leave campaign have already gone back on some of their promises before the referendum, so please, if you can, can you sign this? If we get 100 000 signatures parliament have to debate it, so please. Even if you’re not in the UK if you can share this to try and get it out there, that would be fantastic. Here’s the link:
Dear everyone who says “Oh it doesn’t matter who I vote for, Trump will never win”… it does matter. It absolutely does matter.
Britain gave in to the racist and xenophobic rhetoric. And the consequences to the EU - and to the world at large - will be catastrophic.
I don’t care if you hate Hillary. I don’t care if you think Hillary killed your cat and stole your yogurt. I don’t care. You have to vote for her. You HAVE to vote for her. You cannot allow a megalomaniac racist piece of shit like Donald Trump become the President of the United States of America.
Do not give in to fear and hatred. Do not allow xenophobia and bigotry to run this nation. Do not. Do not. Do not.
I never thought I’d see the day where a nation like Great Britain allowed hatred and fear to rule. Don’t let that happen here.
Also, because I’m seeing this suggestion in the comments, DO NOT write in Bernie. As much as it sucks (and boy does it suck), in order to ensure Trump doesn’t end up in the White House, we have to unite together and vote for Hillary. Writing in Bernie’s name (or Gary Johnson’s) will do nothing but split the vote.
It’s the lesser of two evils here kids. I always knew I’d vote Bernie in the primaries but that I’d have to vote Clinton in November. If you write in Bernie, you are basically voting for Trump.
I wasn’t even surprised to find out that the old ladies in Fury Road did their own wildly dangerous stunts because honestly most of the old men I know are like “I just want to wear high-waisted trousers and take a nap" but most of the old ladies I know are like “I’M NINETY THREE YEARS OLD HERE COMES THE HURRICANE”
“The story of Cassandra, the woman who told the truth but was not believed, is not nearly as embedded in our culture as that of the Boy Who Cried Wolf—that is, the boy who was believed the first few times he told the same lie. Perhaps it should be.”—In her cover essay on silencing women in the October 2014 issue of Harper’s, Rebecca Solnit once again proves that she is one of our era’s greatest essayist – further evidence here and here. (via prettyeyedpirate)
please vote hillary this november. please. I’m begging you. I don’t care how much you wanted bernie to win, I don’t care how much you dislike hillary for whatever reason, I don’t care. please don’t abstain from voting. please vote hillary. brexit has proven the unthinkable can happen because of fear and prejudice and I know we all want to think there’s no way trump can actually win but guys, if you don’t go out and vote hillary in november, he can and he will.
btw there’s a thingy called ao3rdr that lets you blacklist tags on ao3 (and a bunch of other things too, apparently) i found out about this from another post but it was a fandom post that i didn’t know about and also different from what the op was talking about in the first place.
there’s nothing funny about brexit. it is hurting people, particularly the working class. having been through the 2008 recession, i don’t see it as an amusing karmatic shift, i see the people who are going to have to choose between food and clothes like my parents did.
i want all of the americans watching it and saying “this isn’t going to happen to us” to understand that there are people who voted brexit who are shocked and horrified, who voted because they thought their vote “wouldn’t count” or that brexit “wouldn’t happen.” i want you to understand before you go to the polls in november if you even think about jokingly voting for trump bc “fuck it,” and if you don’t vote because “it doesn’t matter” i will personally be in your nightmares for every single hell-filled day of his presidency. because what we see in brexit is that people who are passionate vote - and unfortunately, enough people were passionately xenophobic.
now, knowing anything about america recently, are you sure that you want to say to yourself, “well, there aren’t enough bigots to make change”?
Don’t worry about a lack of representation for dudes in the new Ghostbusters movie guys! You have Chris Hemsworth’s character! He’s a man!
He’s a Strong Male Character, he doesn’t need a woman to make him feel complete! I mean, yeah, he seems to be wearing a lot of unnecessarily tight clothes, but that’s just because he Feels Comfortable In His Own Skin! He’s pretty bright for a dumb blonde to? That makes him super relatable! He’s not a Dude in Distress! He doesn’t need a woman to save him! He is Fiesty! He can Hold His Own against the Ladies! He’s not loud and over bearing, he’s a cool, empowering male character! There may even be some ROMANCE! You guys like romance right? He’s practically one of the girls! He’s just as strong as the women! He’s TECH SUPPORT! THAT’S ALMOST AS GOOD AS BEING A REAL GHOSTBUSTER RIGHT???
But Chris Hemsworth still doesn’t look like a convincing nerd.
You mean glasses and standing near a computer isn’t enough to make him a nerd? He must be a fake nerd guy!
So my trainer’s bf cheated on her. She broke up with him. He’s holding her stuff hostage until she agrees to talk with him. Which she refuses.
She trains; for free mind you; three college linebackers, a college wrestler, two martial artists, a body builder, and… wait for it…. a Navy seal. We’re gonna go get her shit for her.
This should make for an interesting story.
So everyone who commented on this being like the avengers, you are absolutely right. That’s what all of us had in our heads as we were rolling over to dude’s house. But I’m very proud to say, this ended without violence.
Arrival:
So the super friends all jumped into one of the linebacker’s explorer and headed over to dude’s house. Ok the squad: you all know me, but the other martial artist is a little wirey hapkido guy, the linebackers are all giants (an estimated combined weight of I’d say 750-800lbs), the wrestler looks like an escaped gorilla, then the navy seal looks like your average guy but something about him is unsettling. Really unsettling. Unfortunately, the body builder had to work. Anyway, we send the Hapkido guy and the wrestler to the door first and dude answers, screams at them, and then slams the door in their face. Then the giant linebackers head over and they ring the door bell again. Lo and behold, he was much more polite, but still denied access. Finally, me and the seal join the fray. I casually make my way towards the front of the group, but the seal decides to CLIMB THE BANISTER. We all just turned and started at him completely shocked when dude answers the door. He looks at this weird mismatched group of relatively threatening individuals and one guy perched on his banister like batman. He was like “FINE. Go take what you’re looking for.”
Retrieval:
So we’re all walking through the house gathering what we think are her things and putting them into two boxes. Mind you. We are completely guessing. We didn’t even tell her we were coming, therefore we had no list of items.The only one really being productive was Hapkido, who was legitimately looking for stuff. The linebackers were just randomly picking up furniture, turning it over, and putting it back down. Just showing off how strong they were. In case the numbers game wasn’t enough, I guess they were letting him know they could break him if they wanted to. The seal was just shadowing dude in his own house. Walking behind him, not saying much, just being creepy. Then there’s me. Who was causing general mischief…. He said to take what I was looking for, that’s what I was looking for. Ahaha and the wrestler made a fricken sandwich. Because “you guys look like you have it under control, and I’m a sucker for egg salad.” We were in and out in 15 minutes.
Delivery:
So the autobots rolled out and headed towards homegirl’s spot. She was conveniently outside when we rolled up. We got out and she was like, how do you all even know each other. The truth is, we don’t. She sent us all an email once and didn’t blind copy us all. She vented to all of us about dude holding onto her stuff and we started emailing and that was that. We told her that we went to see her ex. “OMG what did you say to him?” Nothing. We’re not messenger boys. We’re delivery boys. And we gave her her boxes of stuff. She went through the first box and said that was most of her stuff. Then she got to my box and asked “Wtf is all that shit.” So I explained that I took all the batteries out of his remote controls, his deodorant, the light bulb out of his master closet, every pair of dress socks that I could find, the laces out of his running shoes, and all the toilet paper in the house. The guys just looked at me and kind of nodded like they were impressed. She then unexpectedly started CRYING and thanked us. So you have this group of meat heads all standing awkwardly with this weeping trainer. It was quiet for a second when the seal was like “So…. chipoltle?” And we all got burrito bowls.
What a great day.
This is literally the most beautiful and thrilling tale. Start to finish.
I am almost in tears I am laughing so hard. This is beautiful. I can’t believe you took all the toilet paper. I’m dying. Help. It sounds like the start of a joke: two martial artists, a wrestler, two linebackers and a Navy Seal walk into a Chipotle.
I have reblogged this a dozen times and I will reblog it a dozen more.
This needs reblogging. I’ve read this before, but it’s still priceless.
I don’t reblog this amazing piece of human cooperation, assume I’m dead
