If you find a bunch of bones that are A: untouched and B: supernaturally clean, there is definitely a reason for both of those things. Sometimes that reason is ants. Sometimes those ants are fire ants. Sometimes those fire ants have made a nest over the entire three meter area around those bones
Sounds like someone had an adventure with fire ants
hey man i haven’t seen a single similar post (concerning???) so i feel like it’s important to make this.
tomorrow is ramadan. your eating disorder will not magically disappear in ramadan.
allah will not hate you if you relapse in ramadan. be it that you faint or you binge, if you need to break your fast because of your eating disorder THEN YOU BREAK YOUR FAST.
You are not supposed to fast when you are sick. YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO FAST WHEN YOU ARE SICK. IT IS HARAM TO FAST IF YOU ARE SICK BECAUSE IT BRINGS HARM TO YOUR BODY. If you start feeling horribly sick and you know, you haven’t had sufficient suhoor or iftar for a few days or anything of the sort, it is okay to break your fast and even go to the hospital if you need to.
habaybi that have eating disorders, PLEASE take care of yourself during ramadan. It is a month of cleansing and forgiveness, so forgive yourself if you relapse. You can always redo your fast after ramadan.
Jazakallah please reblog this post and ramadan mubarak to you all! ♡
Little reminder for my Muslim pals and followers. Please be kind to your bodies and remember to take care of yourselves this ramadan!
I just learned that some websites use cookies to adjust prices. That is, if you visit a certain website a lot the price will increase.
You can tell if that’s the case by checking the same web page on a different browser if you have a different number of stored cookies for that site. I checked something on Chegg and it was $14.95 on Chrome, $19.95 on Firefox, and $16.95 on Safari.
gaelic:
the pronounciation changes depending on the gender and what letter the word starts and ends with and hahah i dont even know good fucking luck
polish:
here have all of these consonants have fun
japanese:
subject article noun article verb. too bad there's three fucking alphabets lmao hope your first language isn't western
welsh:
sneeze, and chances are you've got it right. idfk
chinese:
here's a picture. draw it. it means something. it can be pronounced four different ways. these twenty other pictures are pronounced the same but have very different meanings. godspeed.
arabic:
so here's this one word. it actually translates to three words. also pronouns don't really exist. the gender is all in the verb. have fun!
latin:
here memorize 500 charts and then you still dont know what the fuck is happening
sign language:
If you move this sign by a tenth of an inch, you'll be signing "penis"
russian:
idk man its pronounced like its spelt but good fucking luck spelling it
Greek:
so basically we're going to add 15 syllables to every word you know and assign it one of 3 genders at random. Also good luck figuring out where to put the accents you piece of shit
czech:
so there is a word. there are 14 fucking forms of that word. also there are actually 42 forms. and here's a verb. there are actually only 3 tenses but who am i kidding, there is more and i don't even fucking know how many. the verb changes depending on one's gender. also you can change verb into a noun. that noun has its own gender. you can change any word into a noun and that noun will have its own fucking gender because who cares, only 10 million people can speak with it. also you have to inflect all words. adjectives. names. pronouns. idefk. when you call someone, you fucking have to inflect that name. we also have a letter that almost no foreigner can pronounce. and good luck, even we don't friggin know how to write. also you can say a completely innocent sentence and it could be understood sexually because our slang doesn't fucking make sense. good fucking luck fuckers.
azerbaijanian:
we ain't got any gender conception but you have at least 4256234523 different suffixes that you should add to every word and get it right in order make any sense. it can be double, triple or even more and you should get the right order and adjust it to the last vowel of your word. you should also re-learn the latin alphabet with a different pronunciation + additionally "ə, ğ, ı, ö, ü" in order to be able to speak.
That One Unnamed Extinction Event That Happened When Blue-Green Algae Discovered Photosynthesis and Started Pumping the Environment Full of Oxygen, Which Was Toxic to All Other Life on Earth at That Point in Time
This extinction event did result in the extinction of more living organisms than any other, whether you rank by number of individuals, number of orders/genera/species, % of life, or amount of biomass, but they were all single-celled organisms, so they don’t even register on the metal scale.
The Current Slow Slide Due to Anthropogenic Environmental Modification
Habitat destruction isn’t very metal.
Late Devonian
Some super-weird shit died out, which is totally metal, but we have no idea why, which isn’t. It might not even have been an extinction event, just a decrease in the speciation rate. Jawed vertebrates totally unaffected.
End Ordovician
Second-largest extinction event after the End Permian (not counting those blue-green algae fuckers). Caused by tectonic plate shifting (kinda metal) and resulting glaciation (mildly metal).
Deep Impact
Pros: Giant asteroid hitting the earth.
Cons: Fictional.
End Triassic
Probably caused by massive volcanic eruptions, which is pretty metal, but mostly just wiped out some weird looking amphibians, which is only mildly metal.
End Permian
Greatest extinction event of all time (with the exception of that blue-green algae fiasco mentioned above), wiping out ~95% of all species: metal. Only known mass extinction of insects: metal. Probably caused by the biggest volcanic eruptions since life began (metal) which ignited massive coal beds (metal) and caused the release of methane from the ocean floor (metal) resulting in a runaway greenhouse effect that raised the average ocean temperature to 40C for several million years, essentially boiling the earth alive (super metal). Paved the way for dinosaurs to take over the earth: metal. Known as the ‘Great Dying’: totally metal.
However, most of the extinctions occurred in sessile marine organisms, which are way too boring to be metal, and for the first ~20 million years after the extinction event, land was dominated by Lystrosaurus, which is the most un-metal looking reptile you can think of.
End Cretaceous, aka the K-T Event
A GIANT FLAMING BALL OF ROCK HIT THE EARTH AND KILLED ALL THE (non-avian) DINOSAURS. ENOUGH SAID.
I agree with most of this post (I’d swap Permian/Cretaceous because the Permian was freakin’ metal, yo, but no biggie) but you don’t get more metal than the GREAT OXYGEN CATASTROPHE
The entire surface of the earth was POISONED by a GAS that SHOULD NOT EXIST according to the basic LAWS OF THERMODYNAMICS
It’s so metal that even billions of years later Earth has had to evolve entire ecosystems that METABOLIZE DEADLY POISON GAS. And survive by EATING EACH OTHER (which was probably not a thing pre-OXYGEN HOLOCAUST, you don’t need to bother eating each other if you aren’t trying to survive in a world full of IMPOSSIBLE DEADLY GAS.) Earth’s original inhabitants now have to eke out an existence in sealed-off channels in SOLID ROCK and similar places.
THAT IS AS METAL AS IT GETS.
(also there’s the nuclear fission reactions and stuff, that part’s fun. Did the dinosaurs have nuclear fission? NO.)
For @littlestartopaz: Rogue/anyone really, with AN (“Have I
entered an alternate universe or did you just crack a smile for me?”) from this
post
Remy
LaBeau, it’s gonna be Remy La-Fucking-Beau, because I am shipper trash and
Rogue/Gambit is my hill to die on, y’all.
Also, since Rogue’s life sucks PRETTY BAD, I’m going to try to write
actual fluff tonight. This could be
almost any continuity—I’m kind of visualizing the potential future of the MacAvoy,
Fassbender, et. al. movies, because I saw Apocalypse twice in a week and
that’ll do stuff to you. I don’t really
like writing out accents, so feel free to mentally sub them in—Rogue’s from
Mississippi, Remy’s from New Orleans, in case you didn’t know.
“Oh m’God, who’s
cooking, that is amazing,” Rogue
called as she swept into the mansion and was hit by a wall of smoky-sweet warmth
spilling from the kitchen. “Is that jambalaya? Am I gonna have to do extra Danger Room
sessions or somethin’ for that?”
“That depends, ma chérie,” the man at the stove said,
turning and shooting her a smirk.
“What’re you prepared to do?”
Alternate Fantasy: All the WIP I'm patiently waiting for updates on get updated, the authors have great weeks, feel good and are showered with material blessings that allow them the time and energy to write more.
REBLOG TO SPREAD THE ULTIMATE FANDOM BLESSING TO YOUR PEOPLE, MY CHILDREN.
Let’s play a game. Type the following words into your tags box, then post the first automatic tag that comes up. you, also, what, when, why, how, look, because, never
i’m fucking cackling people are boycotting the sims 4 because they removed the gender barriers and 99% of randomly generated sims will now no longer fit in the gender binary like i cannot believe pixel trans people are ruining a game about a bunch of mixed race bisexual people screaming and setting plates of pasta on fire
it is a good day on the planet earth
All right but for just one second let’s consider the math here (note: I haven’t played the new Sims, and am just working from what I’ve gathered on the internet). There are four options, yeah? Each of them have two possible answers. That gives 2^4, or 16, possible configurations, with no regard for what the configurations are. Assume that one of those gives you ‘all masculine (your basic cis dudebro)’ and another one gives you 'all feminine (your basic cis sorority chick),’ and that every single one of them is equally probable. That gives you 2 in 16, or 1 in 8 (12.5%), Sims fitting the gender binary.
That’s way more representation than transgender people get in TV (less than 1%).
Now let’s take into consideration that one of those categories (clothing preference) has no impact on the actual gender of your Sim. That adds two more categories of cis characters: the cis man rockin’ a skirt and eyeliner, and the cis woman crushing it in a three-piece suit and a cropped haircut. Okay, now there are 4 possible arrangements of a cis Sim, making it 4 in 16, 2 in 8, or 1 in 4 (25%).
That percentage is almost half of the percentage of trans people who have attempted or committed suicide (between 40% and 50%).
So, uh…speaking as a cis person, I think everyone can just shut up and enjoy the spacious new vistas of Sim life, yeah?
listen secret magical creature heritage au’s may be cliche and overused but they are my JAM
you can’t tell me Luna didn’t have some sort of fae background. or parseltongue didn’t come from the nagas. or the Malfoy’s didn’t have veela blood. or the Weasley’s didn’t come from fire sprites. or the Pervell brothers weren’t necromancers. because I assure you this is 100% canon. fight me.
(What are you even suggesting, this is totally canon. Anyone who wants to get to you will have to fight me first. Bring it.)
It’s fairly obvious if you know what to look for. Unfortunately, so few people do, not realizing that person does not necessarily mean human. But perhaps this is inevitable, given that most nonhumans are dead, elsewhere, or intensely and viciously private nowadays.
A younger humankind would have laughed at the idea of “pure blood”. If anyone human-shaped was pure, then it was the purely nonmagical humans. Mud Men, many nonhumans affectionately called the tenacious people.
Goodness gracious, where did people think magical blood came from in the first place? The term mudblood? And if you wanted to call a pure elf or fae a creature or a beast, then it was a good idea to dig your own grave first. Save everyone else the trouble.
But that was then… and this is now. Now, you often must watch closely.
Lucius
Malfoy, for example, is not a terrifying difficult puzzle. One only has
to look up the family tree to find their French origins and relation to
many prominent Veela clans there. Although, that is perhaps more
difficult than it sounds, as the Malfoys have “fixed” all their copies
and buried the rest deep in unmarked graves.
But, watching
closely… the hair and general preening suggested quite clearly,
accompanied by a certain slant to the jaw and elegance to the limbs.
Along with how the man could lure many a Ministry official into
agreements with seamless charm and smooth smiles. And also in the way
his handsome face will twist into something terrible in anger, his hands clenching like claws, flexing with half-remembered fire and talons.
When
Lucius Malfoy cares for the peacocks at Malfoy Manor, when nobody is
watching, he will cluck and coo at them. And they will answer him.
Veelas have their own origins, after all, in the avian set of magical
creatures.
On the other hand, while Narcissa is loyal to her husband, the Black family has their own hidden nonhuman origins.
She
is much more of a lurker than dear bloodthirsty Bella, waiting for the
right moment to strike from the shadows, much like viciously protective
Andromeda - they are more scavengers than predator, the younger two.
Though none the less cruel or dark. None the less protective of their nest.
Narcissa
is quiet, unlike the howls of hateful Walburga, much like the silent
judgement of cold Orion or the creeping calculation of young Regulus.
Entirely unlike the brash swipes and territorial snarls of Sirius, who
is more familiar with lurking in shadows and striking for blood than he
will ever be comfortable with.
They are so similar, yet so
different. What they are has many names, bogeymen is one; they are the
brothers and sisters of all the necromantic (and some of the demonic,
too), and they come in so many kinds.
Luna Lovegood is
another simple puzzle - that she is practically made of thousands of
clues is answer enough. That she can see things and creatures and the
invisible sorts that most can’t is almost the only clue you need. Fae
are a rather insular bunch, after all, and few have the Sight to looking
for the Fair Folk or the way their Worlds weave together.
But
as for the little clues, well… the girl’s heritage is in the
vegetables in her ears, the odd-sounding sentences and introductions,
and the used bottlecaps around her throat. It’s from the inverted
reading of everything… to the visiting of Thestrals in bare feet and
with both an apple and a strip of flesh as offering.
Little things, odd things, but important things.
There
are certain Safe Ways of dealing with the world, you see - a certain
way to go about doing things. Like tossing salt over your shoulder if
you spill it, never breaking a mirror, and not intruding on Fairy Forts
for anything. Luck has to be worked for, and a smart fae follows
traditions and pays attention when their ears burn. Listening to omens
like owls and robins and black cats can save a life. (Luna didn’t know to be listening then, she regrets it now.)
And
it’s too faint to see, but when she skips, she hovers for a
split-second before she falls. Somewhere deep in Luna Lovegood,
something is singing a half-remembered warble… of wings made of
gossamer and glass turned flesh.
Weasleys, on the other hand,
are an interesting matter, especially with the introduction of the
Prewetts. Weasleys come from a curious line of creature, literally quite
curious, and… well… quite
weasel-like in appearance, as opposed to the avian origins of Veela. But
Prewetts… Prewetts were born of fire - fire sprites, elementals,
somewhere between nature spirit and demon, spiteful and fierce and warm
and hot.
One would need the right machinery to see it,
but it can be felt perfectly fine when a child of Molly Weasley gets
angry. The air around them gets quite warm. And they turn quite red,
which clashes horribly with their hair, which is sign in itself, really.
Quite a temper, fire has, if you poke it.
For those who can
see it and are paying attention, Ginny Weasley’s hair rises slightly
when she’s furious, and her tomato-red ears give off the faintest of
sparks. Luna doesn’t mention it though, because it’s not very polite to
point out that sort of thing. She does, however, note with some interest
that Ron’s do the same, after she meets him.
Harry Potter,
the infamous Boy Who Lived, is… a bit strange. He’s hard to pin down,
honestly, almost impossible. When he flies, one might suspect something
born of wind or something born with wings. When he fights, one might
suspect something animalistic, something extremely loyal and fierce, and
maybe a bit mean when provoked out of gentle contentment. Or maybe
something powerful, something truly sorcerous or maybe demonic.
He
hisses like a naga, he’s got eyes between nymph and necromantic, and he
acts sometimes… elvish in demeanor… house-elvish. It’s hard to
tell, honestly. Who knows? He certainly doesn’t.
Hermione
Granger, while on the subject of the three friends, is actually
incredibly obvious. That truly fearsome intelligence? That offensive
temper, that righteous determination, that jealous pride, that cruel
vindictiveness when crossed? That affinity for fire? That near hoarding of
as much knowledge as she can reach? A tad insecure, but the young ones
are always easily upset, and the kindness and crusading isn’t at all a
dealbreaker.
Oh, wouldn’t the so-called “purebloods” be
surprised? But, then again, many forget that fire hides under the earth.
And the riddling, terribly clever kind of dragons aren’t really around
anymore. The rare few that remain, however, always tend to be such book-wyrms.
Like the mudblood girl’s,
Tom Marvolo Riddle’s naga heritage was well-hidden. First behind his
handsome nonmagical father’s face, then behind the mutations and
corrupting magic of the Horcruxes.
He shouldn’t have tried to
get rid of most of his “Muggleness” when he resurrected himself, if he
had wanted to keep a human appearance. The faint scales of scales on his
skin and slits of his eyes are entirely his own fault - the ancient
naga blood wasn’t enough to create something less unnatural and
ill-suited to exist. Voldemort was always cold, wherever he went.
“Purity”
of magic and of witches and wizards, my friends, is such a laughable
thing. “Pure blood”? Goodness gracious, what a joke.
““Your generation would probably ‘livetweet’ the apocalypse” you say, and you laugh
You mean it as an insult, and I understand,
Or you don’t
because the word lies awkwardly on you tongue, stumbles as it leaves your lips, air quotes visible
You meant it as an insult, so you don’t understand, when I look into your eyes and say “Yes”
Because we would.
It would be our duty, as citizens on this earth
to document it’s end the best way we know
and if that means a second by second update
of the world going up in flames, or down in rain, or crushed under the feet of invading monsters
so be it.
It would mean a second by second update of
“I love you”
“I’m scared”
“Are you all right?”
“Stay close”
“Be brave”
It would mean a second by second update of the humanity’s connection with one another,
Proof of empathy, love, and friendship between people who may have never met in the flesh.
So don’t throw the word ‘Livetweet’ at me like a dagger, meant to tear at my ‘teenage superiority’
Because if the citizens of Pompeii, before they were consumed by fire,
had a chance to tell their friends and family throughout Rome
“I love you”
“I’m scared”
“Don’t forget me”
Don’t you think they’d have taken the chance?”—Sometimes it hurts when people scorn internet cultre (via azurelunatic)
“EXCLUSIVE: Legendary Pictures has set Star Wars: The Force Awakens star John Boyega for the lead role for the second installment of its Pacific Rim franchise.”
“Boyega will play the son of the character played by Idris Elba in the del Toro-directed original film.”
sorry but same gender couples kissing or holding hands in public continues to be a radical statement especially because every time we do it we are putting ourselves in danger so excuse me if I don’t want to hear your bullshit homophobic opinion about how much pda upsets you
you know what upsets me? that my wife and i can’t kiss to say goodbye in public or at all but a man can slap his gf’s ass or slobber on her
and that we can’t hold hands without getting looks at the least and harassment at worst, but again straight couples can dry hump on public transit
Well, for just lemons, here’s a totally random fact: I love lemons and eat them raw when given the chance. This works out great because my dad doesn’t like sour things much so he gives lemon slices and lime slices to me whenever we go to restaurants.
For just music: I’ve had the song Ra Ra Rasputin stuck in my head for an hour now and it’s…oddly soothing, because the chorus loops perfectly.
For the two of them together: I deeply loathe barbecues. I just don’t like them, probably because of the people I associate them with. I’d rather do literally almost anything else. (For how I ended up there: lemons and music -> lemonade and music -> sunlight and lemonade and music -> barbecues)
gather round tumblr it’s time for a story about why you shouldn’t solicit conversation with a stranger with a put down about their generation
i sat down about 30 minutes ago in the lobby of a very nice hotel, intending to do some writing. i have my laptop and my cellphone. as i settled, i checked some stuff on my phone, then turned to my laptop. because there aren’t many plugs, i’m sitting in a cluster of couches and instead of being by myself there’s an he’s an older gentleman across from me, polo shirt, salt and pepper hair. was very polite when i asked if he minded if i tucked myself in the corner of the couch
but apparently
apparently
he thinks computers are full of satan or something
because no sooner have i opened up goddamn word when he goes, “you kids and your electronics.”
ah, excellent, unsolicited conversation with a perfect stranger that comes with a critique of modern communication. fight me, bro, you got no idea who you’re tangling with. so naturally i push up my metaphorical sleeves (metaphorical because i’m in a goddamn resort and pavement is melting; i’m wearing a very nice goddamn dress and i’d look like a fucking soccer mom named helen if i had blonde hair) and very politely, i smash his face into the floor with “i’m sorry?” in an utterly flabbergasted tone because dude wtf and no one delivers slick put downs when they’re caught off guard
“i’m here reading my newspaper and after this my wife and i are going on a hike” (lol good luck with that dude the pavement is melting and you want to hike in the mountains) “and we’re going to interact with each other.” he gives my computer a v pointed look
naturally, i have the perfect response to this. it is pithy and eloquent and will surely put him in his place: “i… like to write, and it’s easier on a laptop?”
“it seems to me” (HERE WE GO) “that your generation” (OH GOOD) “is losing the ability to interact with other people.” (O OK) “my grandchildren never take their eyes off their cellphones anymore!”
and here he pauses and looks at me. as if he expects me to agree.
so i say “you were born in the 50s, right?” he says he was born in 59. “well, it seems to me that your generation is really fond of adultery, embezzlement, and corporate fraud, among other things, and i’m really enjoying paying for your retirement.”
i admit: i had this line canned after a little snarl i had with my mom the other night.
he stares at me. i stare back.
“you also realize,” i say, quickly typing socrates kids these days quote into google, “that people have been saying kids these days since socrates said, and i quote, children now love luxury. they have bad manners. contempt for authority. they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise.” i look up at him. he’s staring at me still.
i’m shaking because man fuck confrontation but also how hilarious is this because i literally had a fight with my mom about this twelve hours ago. i literally have a cranky tweet about it. “so it seems to me that making sweeping generalizations about people based on pretty arbitrary age groupings is kind of ridiculous since i’m pretty sure you’re not cheating on your wife or stealing from your company.”
he goes beat red because now i’m embarrassed him, and i feel really fucking bad because i didn’t mean to embarrass him, but also hey dude fuck you
SO OF COURSE he says “did your parents teach you any manners?”
and there goes the last of my embarrassment because hey fuck you dude the only person who can insult my parents is fucking me. and i say, without even thinking because this is when you have the snappiest rejoinders, “well they did teach me not to open unsolicited conversation with a stranger by insulting them so.”
at this point the dude’s wife shows up and they leave, and the waiter asks me if i want anything to drink and i’m like “yes please give me all your vodka” but instead i say “ice water” because the pavement is melting and if i puke from nerves after that, i don’t want to snort alcohol out my nose
what the fuck dude this is awesome i want this too now
Okay, but what about those deep sea fish that produce light at a wavelength that *only they can see.* Predators that can somehow sense you in a completely undectable and unfathomable manner to you; they might as well be psychic.
YES, EXACTLY–vision is SUCH an asspull?? Sometimes it’s “"dark”“ and we can’t see anything. And also we’re impaired for plot reasons! Sometimes ALIEN WEAPONRY or otherwise-innocuous ship components are ”“too bright”“ and we yell and try to hide, subject to some sort of obscure, tortuous imperative. The rest of the time we can UNERRINGLY tell when anyone is trying to play pranks on us, the names and emotional/physical status of EVERY SINGLE BEING IN THE ROOM (or, when outside civilized warrens, ”“line of sight”“)–and yes, of course, can’t forget about our nigh-mythical fighting arts revolving around insane dodging skills.
And SNIPING. And also, god, fuck–don’t forget about completely arbitrary “”””atmospheric disturbances””” (fog, smoke–the new “ionic interference”) ALSO plottasatically rendering our abilities moot.
Plus, some people have more powerful Vision than others, but some people have a very short effective range of Vision. However, humans have come up with devices that “change the angles of refraction” of the “light” so that the naturally impaired have their skills enhanced–but they can always be knocked off their faces or be broken.
Also some people are terrible at normal Vision work, but have excellent night vision and are skilled at working under adverse conditions.
Oooh, and human art is almost entirely Vision based. Think about non-seeing aliens trying to access the majority of human art!
IM!!! SCREAMING!!! GLASSES. Glasses are SUCH another great Weird Alien Gimmick. God–you get all used to your Human friend and their bizarre abilities, you just start to really trust in and rely on them in tight places and problem-solving a little bit, then you get fucken marooned on a fucken planetoid somewhere and they just in this very small little voice, after you have pulled them from the wreckage and sat down to go over your options, inform you that they’ve lost their glasses.
Oh my god and an episode where we’re up against Evil Humans and our heros turn to their humans like ‘you can see them, right, you can tell when they’re near? you can counter them?’ and our hero is genuinely shaken and worried— they’ve got high-tech military mechanical enhancers, the devices strapped to their heads let them see anywhere, they can operate in near-absolute ‘darkness’, they can operate in near-lethal ‘brightness’, they can see through walls— not doors, not glass, but walls.
Then we have a heroic scene where the crew’s human is the scrappy, desperate underdog for once instead of the cool and collected superbeing. It is super cool. The human and the captain probably mack wildly on one another in medbay after this. Roll credits.
Person 1: I dunno, dude. This ‘light’ stuff sounds like a bunch of mumbo jumbo to me. I mean, how do we know it’s even real?
Person 2: Seriously, how can something be a wave and a particle? That doesn’t even make sense.
Mysterious Human: Even if you cannot perceive the light, you can feel its warmth–
Person 1: Oh my god, please shut it with the mystical hoo-hah. You’re insufferable.
Mysterious, somewhat exasperated Human: the ‘light’ enters the sensitive paired apertures in our faces, passing through biological lenses and chambers to stimulate specific nerves we call ‘rods’ and ‘cones’. one set of nerves tells us the volume of light we’re perceiving, while the other estimates the wavelength frequency. the total input creates in our mind a continuous sonarscape of immense complexity, where we can perceive ‘textures’ that are impossible to understand with mere sound or touch. this is why my people’s communication devices are small, flat, silent boards: we ‘read’ the patterns of light they emit as language and ‘watch’ the patterns of light they emit as sonarscapes.
Captain: okay…. sounds fake, but okay…
And they just keep on making up new bullshit rules for how light works, like
Navigator: Warp drive engaged. We are approaching 90% of the Lorentz limit.
Human: What now?
Navigator: Oh, uh, it’s really complex, but lemme try. So, matter can only move so fast through space, right? Like absolutely, nothing can ever ever possibly go faster than like about 3 hundred million meters per second–
Human: Ah yes. The speed of light.
Navigator: …oh for fuck’s sake.
Captain: My god! Time! Has… frozen!
Human: Fuuuuuuuuck.
Captain: What?
Human: Remember how light is a wave and a particle?
Captain: Yes, we mention this every episode.
Human: Yeah, light’s frozen along with everything else. I can’t see shit.
Captain: My god! Our sonar doesn’t work either! The soundwaves— they can’t propagate through this frozen air! We’ll have to use just our whiskers!
Human: Fuuuuuuuuck.
The fanfiction for this show has to be amazing.
“Shh. Don’t try to hide your needs, Captain,” Hue Mann soothed. “My sight has told me all about your traumatic memories of the war.”
“What?” Captain gasped. “But…how…?”
“The light knows all,” explained Hue. “Time slows down at the speed of light. It sees all of the past..and all of the future.”
“And what is it telling you now?” questioned the Captain.
Hue leaned in close. “It tells me, ‘Mate with them now, you lovestruck fool!”
“Damn you, Hue Mann. Damn you and your penetrating ‘eyes.’”
“Oh,” breathed Hue, voice husky and sexual. “That’s not all my eyes can…penetrate.”
goddamn, you people amaze me.
I love the idea that the protag species has telepathy as ‘boring normal standard’ senses and they can’t understand why human thoughts seems so strange, fragmented, occasionally blank… until they realise that a great of human thought is ‘visual’ and so can’t be heard…
“Lori, what do your Human eyes see?”
“Coupla billboards, and it looks like it might rain.”
This keeps getting better
This is so cute. Your human crewmember is getting a crush on another human. Time to observe the humans’ weird yet endearing courtship rituals.
“Tell me all about them! What do you like about them?”
“Well, they have these amazing eyes…”
“Yeah? Better at the the wavemapping thing than yours?”
“…I don’t know how good their eyes are at seeing. They’re just this beautiful shade of brown.”
“Wait. You wavemap each other’s wavemapping organs? And have opinions about what nice frequencies they refract the waves at?”
“Yes? What’s so strange about this?”
“I thought your ‘vision’ was passive. Do you listen to each other’s ears too? And like the smell of each other’s noses?”
“Like you’ve never touched someone’s whiskers with your whiskers.”
my problem with the ‘harry becomes lord of 2/¾/5 ancient noble houses’ trope is so unbelievably petty because its that fic writers don’t take it to the potential extreme. like, okay, you wanna make harry the bossest of bitches i get that, i understand, i have that urge too from time to time, but c’mon, be a little more creative about it please
so how about a fic where harry goes to gringotts after the fighting is all over to try to make peace with the goblin nation because this boy does not need more problems and after much hostility and some groveling and promises of future payments for damages caused a plucky goblin lass comes and shuffles harry into her tiny cube office to discuss the nature of his financial situation
(this is a grave insult among goblins. getting handled by a female, first of all, because they are supposedly less capable bankers, hello misogyny among other species, and because they consider anyone who needs help with his money to be lower than cave scum. harry doesn’t know about his. and if he did, he wouldn’t care because he does, desperately, need help)
and plucky goblin lass (who we will call PGL for short) brings out this MASSIVE tome of parchment and slams it down on her desk. a cloud of dust rises. harry sneezes and gets a terrible feeling. some of the parchment is mildewing. the stack is taller than his hand is wide. this can only end badly
PGL tells him that he’ll need to read the entire book to fully comprehend the new scope of his property and harry kind of weakly says “what??”
and it turns out that heyo, when the death eaters swore to follow voldemort with all their lives and souls and magic in their little racist hearts they actually swore a modified liege lord oath which also has the coincidental side effect of ceding all titles (and property connected to said titles) held to the lord in question too. haha how funny who knew
and that’s an ongoing thing. so voldemort was the de facto head of two dozen magical houses at the beginning of the war and he just picked up more as he gained more followers and he probably could have just voted himself and his crew into every position of the government and run the country like that if he cared to do it but voldemort was not about dat political life. he wanted change and he wanted it now. he wanted to MAKE AMERICA MAGICAL BRITAIN GREAT AGAIN. so he started a civil war and just never informed his loyal death eaters of that little fact because they didn’t need to know.
and you might think that gringotts vaults are tied into bloodlines but they’re really not. the malfoy family vault belongs to whoever is the current head of the malfoy family. normally, that’s a malfoy and his malfoy spawn becomes the next head and so it passes through the family, accumulating inherited wealth. it was a working system until voldemort got involved and exploited the ever-living hell out of it.
now this all becomes harry’s problem because it turns out that Right of Conquest is an actual thing. what was voldemort’s is now his and voldemort has has the time to accumulate A Metric Fuck Ton of stuff.
also connected to titles are votes in the wizengamot. and whoo boy, this is where harry’s problem becomes really really really problematic. because the noble families squabble over those votes like children, hoarding them and passing them down, occasionally trading them for advantageous marriages and such, but mostly jealously guarding them like the politcal gold they are. it’s such a bitterly tight-fisted market that any one family has ~maybe~ three or four votes.
and now harry bloody potter has a hundred of the things and a completely unintentional stranglehold on the government. whoops
and then hermione would shotput harry straight into the
wizengamot
against his protests and things would become so hilarious i just
some jerkass attempts to increase his own salary for doing basically nothing
“how about no,” harry and his hundred votes say.
somebody attempts to tighten restrictions on where magical creatures like vampires and werewolves can work
“how about no.” harry crosses his arms. “actually, how about we repeal those bullshit laws already in place that make it almost impossible for werewolves to get a job right now, hmmmm? and how about we put something in place to catch abusive owners of house elves? and make sure they get paid? and vacation days? and healthcare? actually how about we get healthcare for EVERYBODY HOW ABOUT T H A T?”
ten generations of purebloods cry out in horror. look upon him ye mighty and despair.
the years after voldemort’s defeat don’t go down in history as The Golden Era. in fact, thanks to harry bloody potter (and some incessant nudging by hermione granger), they go down as The Decade of Frankly Astonishing Strides Toward Equality *cough* enforced by a semi-plutocracy.
(all thanks to a third tier plot never really explored by a would-be dictator YOU’RE ALL WELCOME)
Okay yes. This is well and good.
But. Wasn’t the whole point of Hermione’s subplot with SPEW and house elves is that one can’t just come in and “save” people. That things are never quite black and white as they first seem.
idgaf it’s fuckin fan fiction crack and i will read it and be happy with it as long as the pgl becomes head of gringotts somehow and treated fairly
I’m about 200 pages into Chernow’s biography of Alexander Hamilton and so far the biggest fact I’ve taken away is that Hamilton was most definitely bisexual and this biographer is so terrified of that fact that he dances around using ridiculously obtuse phrases when he could have just been like “And Hamilton always said ‘I’m in’ whenever anyone approached him for sex.”
Talk to the potential land lord about making installments toward your down payment.
This is how I got out my mom’s house both times.
Each pay check start buying things you need for your place. Family Dollar has just about everything that you will need when it comes to hygiene and keeping the place clean.
If it’s safe talk to your other family members to see if they have furniture they want to donate. Most elderly folks especially have lots of furniture they don’t want cluttering their house and they will love to see you.
Craigslist has a section for things left on the kirb. I got my kitchen Cart free and delivered to me when a couple got sick of theirs
Don’t forget to buy a shower curtain and liner….just don’t lol
Once the apartment is secured talk to the utility companies before you get there. If you have no credit or bad credit they may want you to pay a deposit….I found out the hard way after I moved in. It was not a pleasant experience.
Crock pots are your friends
….you will be broke alot. If you have a car or are thinking about getting one, one job probably won’t be enough to sustain you.
The first time I moved out I had 20 dollars to last me until I was paid again. So I ordered a large cheese pizza and ate that for two weeks.
….if you are leaving an abusive situation you may question if you did the right thing a lot. I had panic attacks before and after I moved out.
This does not mean you were wrong to move. It just means the abuse tricked your brain into thinking moving out would be bad for you.
Your apartment probably won’t look how you want it to for a few years and that’s ok. It takes time to build and afford your “aesthetic ”. Don’t feel bad if your apartment is just a bed, a coffee table, and if you are lucky maybe a used sofa. The peace you will have when you close the door and lock it is phenomenal.
Oh if you eat meat chicken thighs and drumsticks are always cheap as are pork chops. Buy them in the large packs, separate them while defrosted into zip locks, throw them the freezer
Craigslist also has a free section. With enough diligence and scrutiny amazing treasures can be found.
Public libraries have free Wi-Fi and cheap printing for resumes, school projects, etc.
Most places like McDonald’s, IHOP, etc have coupon codes on their receipts for completing online surveys. End up with two meals for the price of one.
There are usually local listings for food pantries that you can get groceries from. I have the full list for the NYC area, I’ll post it later.
Also don’t underestimate the power of a thrift shop.
As someone who plans to move within the next year, good tips.
For boxes go to the grocery store or family Dollar type places and ask if they have any boxes they can give you. If you work in an office ask the receptionist or the folks in the mail room.
Qvc and hsn have easy pay payment options that will allow you to get items sent to you while making monthly payments. They sell some furniture, mattresses, computers, tvs, etc. Definitely better than lay away, but look out for them over charging.
Counter top dish washers are awesome if you hate doing dishes and your land lord allows them
Salvation Army usually has pretty good deals on furniture. Check with the manger for daily deals. Also check liquor stores for boxes they usually have plenty to spare and they’re always very durable. Check stores like Walmart and Kroger around 7-8pm for deals on whole rotisserie chickens for $3. They’re usually trying to get rid of them around that time. You can make a chicken salad with mayo, mustard, and red onion. It will last you all week for under $6, or you can just eat and store the chicken for a few days.
Also check out https://www.freecycle.org/ !!! We’ve gotten some decent furniture off there and you can post if you’re looking for something specific, too.
There have been various posts spreading incorrect information about about Ramadan. Normally I am excited by people posting about Islam in any manner; the religion is a fascinating one. However, I became ashamed.
The people who posted about Ramadan seem to have no idea what it is, the rules, or the reason it occurs.
The biggest problems with the posts:
Myth: Tagging food as “NSFW”, as seeing food will break fast
Fact: Seeing, smelling, or being around food in general will not break fast. Also, the fast is going without food and drink, not just forgoing food.
Myth: “if they see food on their dash you’re just making it harder for them to restrain from eating”
Fact: This is offensive because it says that Muslims do not have the self-control to look at food and then abstain form eating it.
Myth: ” I’d just seen a couple pieces of untagged NSFW content on my dash, my fast would have been broken right now “
Fact: Your fast is not broken by viewing images- fast is broken if you act upon desires.
Also, if you read the first post, the person admits they do not know much about Ramadan- but they continue writing instead of reading. Also an important part of Ramadan is avoiding distractions-TV, music, and internet. Which means some Muslims will not be on Tumblr anyway.
For those curious about Islam and Ramadan, please follow these links:
So I saw your story about Soul eater and got a laugh out of it, I was curious what you've watched since that fateful day?
Actually I’ve been pretty busy with college, so I mostly have a few that I rewatch a bunch (although this summer I’m planning to go hard and put myself through all of Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood in one fell swoop, pray for me). Let’s see…
I love FMA 03 a lot, I’m currently subjecting my roommate to the pain, it’s fun. I’d probably say it’s my favorite anime (to repeat, I have not seen Brotherhood yet, and am working on it).
I love Soul Eater, of course, I know it pretty well by now.
I’ve seen most of Death Note although it didn’t really do it for me (might’ve been the company, tbh, should probably give it another try).
I’ve seen some of Attack on Titan, which I LOVED because I am a sick twist, but then it was taken off the platform I was streaming it from and also I find subs very hard to watch (yay ADHD), so I haven’t seen most of it.
I like Kaze no Stigma, which is ridiculous and magicky and on Hulu. Fire magic, demons, dubious deals with nebulous all-powerful spirits, fucked up family dynamics, the works. It’s absurd, I think it’s great.
My roommate loves Hetalia and I’m enough of a history nerd to get a huge kick out of it.
I meant to watch Fairy Tale but I got crazy busy around episode four and keep forgetting to go back, so I don’t think that counts.
I watched Black Butler on the recommendation of the same guy who showed us Soul Eater, and really loved the first season and never got around to the second.
My roommate and I watch Ouran when we’re tired/stressed, so we watch Ouran a LOT at school, and we also watch a few other…um…I’m going to admit that we call them ‘garbage animes’ which basically means that we really love them but would also never actually recommend them to another human being, ever. These are things like Seven Deadly Sins on Netflix, and having now been told that piece of information, I naturally expect you to take it to your grave. (Okay, IMO it’s great fun, but it has a lot of what you might call…common anime problems re: women, etc, so YMMV and all that.)
Obviously Avatar: The Last Airbender, but that’s Western animation, so.
As long as we’re on the subject, though, obligatory plug for my favorite non-anime animated thing, though: X-Men Evolution. It’s great, I love it, I am such an X-Men nerd it’s sad.
Um…yeah, I’m sure I’ve forgotten some stuff. But that’s what I can think of right now.
Moran watches anime. Who’d'a thunk.
Aaaanyway, I’d say “tell no one”, but I’m on mobile and I didn’t think it through and am too lazy to retype this whole thing when I get wifi back on my laptop, so. Whatever. I have no shame anyway, come the fuck at me.
once in 5th grade my mom bought me this set of like 200 glitter pens because I had mentioned that everyone at school was obsessed with them but I didn’t really care for them so the next day I brought them to class and kids started offering to buy them so I sold them for $3 each and I made almost $500 and then I got sent to the principals office and was told I couldn’t sell them anymore like sorry that I was a natural born entrepreneur
When I was a freshman in High School our Junior/Senior classes were like 90% stoner kids. When you’re a junior/senior, you can leave the school for lunch if you want, so the majority of the kids would go hot box their cars in an abandoned parking lot a few blocks over during lunch hour.
However, since they needed time to air out, they always got back after the kitchen stopped selling lunch, and they, of course, had the mega munchies.
I started selling kids homemade baked goods at outrageous prices, but I’m a great baker so nobody complained. I was making 25 bucks for 4 muffins, and 8 dollars a brownie.
I made like 2 grand before the school made me stop selling food because it wasn’t a “school official bake sale.” but my regulars would slip me cash + orders in the hallways when we passed each other, and there was nothing in school policy about giving away food, so I would just bring them their snacks the next day. The school couldn’t touch me, I was rolling in dough, and rolling out dough, all freshman year.
Find your loopholes, kids.
born entrepreneurs…. insane…
LOL i know two kids like this.
she made some soap and offered some to my dad and said “Uh 17, I mean 7″ and I was like no, you said it right. 17.
other one sold bracelets
I know a guy in highschool who made so much money in sophmore year selling cupcakes the school shut it all down.
a kid at my school has a panini-maker so he sells paninis to other students and everyone called him Dan the Panini Man
but the campus police people shut him down because it’s not legal to sell food if it’s not a bake sale or w/e
so now he’s Dan the Paper Towel Man and he sells paper towels, but with each paper towel purchase, you get a free panini
Don’t invite me anywhere last minute I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed
This is legit and people don’t realize it.
“hey what are you doing?” “nothing” “oh great! so you are avaliab-” “no you don’t understand. I’m doing nothing.”
I have learned the following:
“Hey, what are you doing?” “Why? What’s up?”
Then you have the entire space of their answer to come to terms with potentially doing something, or come up with a better thing to say than ‘nothing’.
Alternately, I find that answering with ‘relaxing’, totally conveys the right mood and people then generally reply with, “ohhhh I know that feeling, no problem, go relax!”
I think almost every time I’ve written a situation where I planned for a character to get killed off, when I thought like “well what if I didn’t do that” the prospect of them just dying seemed like the lazy way out, or something I was just writing because “that’s how stories like this go”.
Like, years ago when I thought I was going to be on an extended hiatus I was planning to do a MGDMT graphic novel that had nothing to do with video games and just focused on the original super soldier characters. Mostly the idea was the same theme, Macho Action Dude Reacting to Movie Tropes Like A Reasonably Normal Guy, so it was gonna have all the motions of those same old conventions, but play out differently. At one point the idea was “the girlfriend character dies and he has to deal with it like an emotionally believable person and not a larger than life action guy”. But when I thought about it, that didn’t sit well with me, because even if it was trying to comment on a trope, it was still “female character gets killed for no reason other than the male lead to have a character arc about it” and that rubbed me the wrong way. So I thought, okay, what if she still gets kinda messed up, so they build her some cool robot parts and she’s like Shit Yeah! This is the best! And she thinks it’s so rad having robot parts it kinda throws off the course her life was going down because suddenly the idea of being Robocop seems a lot more exciting than nesting with her high school sweetheart. And he doesn’t have to go have emotions about a dead girlfriend, he has to learn to come to terms with someone he was very close to having a life experience he can’t exactly empathize with that put her on a road to becoming the person she’s decided she wants to be, but not the person he ever planned on her becoming. So his arc is sort of dealing with the grief of a lost hypothetical person, and learning to respect her autonomy to make decisions that he might consider “a bad idea” but improve her quality of life as she wants to live it. Which, in the end, felt like a lot more of an interesting story than “the girl dies so the main character can have emotions about it. But I only got to that point by recognizing the original idea was stale and racking my brain to do something different.
I guess what I’m saying is, when I see professional TV writers get excited about what a twist it is that they kill a beloved character in something to shake up the snowglobe so to speak, I can’t help but think that they fell into that rut of thinking “this is the convention I have been trained to attach to this story”, and didn’t even stop to think there may have been a more interesting and unique route they could have gone. Intrigue comes from giving the audience something they don’t expect to see. It’s easy to think that killing a character for shock value suits that task, but that’s become such a normal device to throw out there that it doesn’t surprise anyone anymore. It’s always worth at least considering what would happen to the story if you didn’t just go down the first path that came into your mind, because the first will almost certainly be the most well-trodden with the least surprises along the way.
You know who I’m always really happy for? The little guys who light the Beacons of Minas Tirith in Return of the King. Like their entire lives are sitting next to these pyres, just staring at another pyre, waiting for fire. Trudging up what looks to be Mount Fucking Everest and shit to get to these things, then just sitting and waiting. They can’t not be there, bc GOOD JOB TERRY GONDOR CALLED FOR AID AND YOU DECIDED TO SLEEP IN NOW GONDOR IS DEAD. So they just sit and wait, loyal but bored out of their skulls. Then one day it happens, Gondor calls for aid, and the first beacon is lighted. One by one, they ignite. And Terry is sitting there, fucking doing soduku or some shit, when he sees the flame flicker on the mountain across the way. This is it, this is fUCKING TERRY’S TIME TO SHINE. So he grabs the ignition stick leaning up against the beacon, sticks it into the small fire he has going to cook his breakfast and lunch on, barely containing his excitement as the rag-covered tip ignites. He takes a deep breath and then touches it to the dormant pyre, a mixture of awe and pride swimming through his veins as the flames lick up the wooden tiers, creating a blaze so large he has to step back. It’s beautiful, his orange and gold masterpiece. He whips around to look behind him, eye trained on the next beacon in the line. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon. And then finally, another fire! And Terry can’t contain it, he jumps around the burning beacon with joy, whooping and waving his ignition stick, having completed his sacred duty. His purpose is fulfilled and realized. He is elation personified. He has done it – hefted his share of the burden, played his integral part.
Four for you, Terry. You go, Terry.
I’m watching RotK again and it’s this scene and I still can only ever think of Terry. Lightin’ that beacon, savin’ that Gondor.
