angel: youre so angry all the time i think you should get a hobby god: how about boating. Hows that for a hobby angel: sure. boating sounds fine god: aight *looks down towards earth* hey Noah i have an idea noah: is it a good idea god: it’s an idea
My therapist just told me that I “use humor to cover up past trauma so I don’t have to deal with it” and that “it will take years of extensive therapy to genuinely recover from it all” and I literally burst out laughing and finger gunned @ him
There’s a line of thought regarding the faking of the moon landing which goes like “isn’t it CONVENIENT that we landed on the moon in the last year of the decade when we said we’d land on the moon, doesn’t it seem suspicious that it came so close to the wire,” which I have to assume is reasoning put forward by people who have far better study habits then I do, because if I was tasked with landing a man on the moon by the end of the 60s, we’d 100 percent have launched on December 30, 1969.
Holy shit, Firebringer, it's been years since I read that! But my reputation with my third grade teacher was "the girl who recommended a book to the class that included a deer eating the heart of a human child and consequently terrified a bunch of kids." (...I too have always been me.) And The Sight--I too had a very weird sort of crush on the Jesus-wolf's brother...I read a lot of books with animals who were unsubtly Jesus.
OMG. I definitely 100% forgot that there was a scene with a deer eating the heart of a human child in Firebringer, but I definitely read it around the same age–so apparently that didn’t faze me either, LOL.
The jesus wolf’s brother was one hot wolf, you could just tell. Also, dang, what’s with that genre? The “imagine jesus as an animal in a society of talking thinking animals” genre?
• gunpowder & lead - miranda lambert (abuser is shot to death)
• independence day - martina mcbride (abusive husband/father is burned alive in house which wife/mother set on fire to protect her daughter)
• blown away - carrie underwood (abusive father left to die in a tornado by daughter on purpose)
• two black cadillacs - carrie underwood (cheating man killed by wife and mistress who then pretend to be sad at his funeral)
• church bells - carrie underwood (abusive husband poisoned by wife)
• goodbye earl - dixie chicks (abusive husband killed by two women, one he abused and her best friend)
• mama’s broken heart - miranda lambert (implied revenge against abusive boyfriend despite narrator’s mother’s advice)
please, tell us more about your horsemen of the apocalypse.
*maniacal laughter*
You have made a BAD MISTAKE, my buddy, my guy, because now here are 1600 words about this novel. More stuff is here in the tag.
Right, so, remember how I write novels when I’m
pissed off about stuff? Like…I got pissed off about the lack of happy
F/F ships with superpowers and wrote a novel about that. And I was pissed
off about misuse of all-powerful sorcerers (Merlin, I am cranky about the show
Merlin), and I wrote a novel about that. And I was pissed off about use
of psychic powers and Antichrists and Apocalypses (*glowers at SPN*) and I
wrote Falls the Shadow, this novel. Kind of by accident. Like.
I meant to write a fifteen, maybe twenty, page thing playing with the
idea of a character who had visions of the Apocalypse. Smash cut to eighteen
months and 250K words later…
So yeah. The basic premise of this novel
is that Sam Lightworth and her older brother Oz have been the best hunters in
the country since they were kids, until it came to light during a hunt when she
was fifteen that Sam has precognitive dreams. Since most hunters don’t
really have a concept of grey areas (such as a human girl with visions of the
future) Oz takes the logical solution of getting his baby sister the fuck out
of the life before someone can kill her. Cut forward a year and a half,
Sam’s been in hiding at a boarding school and, for the first time in her life,
she has something like a normal life, with a normal friend (Kit), and normal
demands on her life. She hates it. When her brother turns up, bloody and
battered and bearing news of their dad’s death, it’s the best thing that’s
happened to her all year. So she and Oz
leave, with Kit in tow. They also pick
up Michael, an old…friend who met Sam exactly once when they were both
kids. She broke his arm and he cracked
four of her ribs. Naturally that…happens. The majority of the plot rotates around Sam,
Michael, Oz, and Kit learning about their places as the Four Horsemen.
anyways yall let me know when Netflix Original ™ Marvel’s Claire Temple is going to premiere thanks
ACTUALLY THOUGH
Okay, but every episode should have a different cameo, right? Like, Claire is trying to Handle Some Shit, and while she’s trying to do that, she has Matt on her balcony with a stab wound that made it through the suit, Jessica at her door with a bullet graze and a sour expression, Luke on the street corner with a guy who has three broken ribs, Frank on the roof with a major concussion, Danny with pepper spray in his eyes, and, at one point, she runs through town escaping the latest Avengers v. Whoever situation and finds Captain Goddamn America trying to set his own broken arm.
And then in the second-to-last episode, the Big Bad dares her to find help, and Claire’s like *grim smile* “I know a guy.” Cut to black. Final episode cold opens to everyone having to Get Along because Claire called them all. The Big Bad goes down like a fucking ton of bricks under the combined might of every vigilante NYC has to offer.
I might not always agree with some of the things Matt Murdock does, but goddamn, you gotta appreciate his commitment to an Aesthetic
like there’s Jessica and Luke wearing typical civilian wear even while superheroing and meanwhile
you’ve got Matthew Michael Murdock running around Hell’s Kitchen in an all-black ensemble with the tightest pants possible and then later a goddamn red suit and a helmet with bitty little devil horns on it and red lenses
Right, so I wrote this a while back for @twistedangelsays‘ birthday in May, and then she asked me today to post some F/F smut after I posted this ExR smut earlier today. Max is the main character from this novel and Lessa is her girlfriend, details are included in the tag.
Lessa laughed giddily as Mercury
squad spilled through the door, all of us bursting with the adrenaline
rush. The mission had been declared a
wash while we were in the field, but we’d still had a closer brush with gunfire
than I liked.
“All right, everyone,” I said. “Debrief with the marshal or Beck at some
point in the next couple of hours. Sorry
to have dragged you out for nothing.”
“Ah, don’t worry so much, piti bòs, it was fun,” Elijah said, eyes dancing as he hooked an arm
around Miles’ shoulders and cuffed him cheerily up the back of the head. Miles looked offended, one hand still pressed
to a sluggishly bleeding graze to his bicep.
“C’mon, Four, let’s go get that arm looked at. Maybe Janey will meet us there.” Miles
allowed himself to be dragged away without much of a fuss and Zara grinned
fondly after them.
“Mm,” she said. “I’m going to go eat something, do a quick
debrief, and then see if I can round up my boys and fuck them through the
floor. Y’all have a nice night.”
i had a moment today while watching a whiny shitlord complain about the injustice of new sci-fi media having more female leads, i suddenly felt the strangest sense of déjà vu. i couldn’t pintpoint it at first but then out of nowhere, it fucking dawned on me
This is the single greatest meme in the history of the Internet everyone can stop making memes now we don’t need any more ever again
I think I’ve already reblogged this but I don’t care it’s just pure gospel
sometimes it still amazes me that despite gifsets of scenes getting so many notes on tumblr thanks to it being a genuinely funny, unproblematic show, not a lot of people actually watch brooklyn nine-nine?? listen y’all if you’re tired of tv shows being misogynistic, racist, homophobic, and all around problematic then i honestly don’t understand why you have not seen the light by watching b99 like this show has made my life so much better!! i have TWO beautiful, badass, multi layered latina detectives to look up to, who are treated with respect and admiration by their male co-workers!! i have actual cinnamon roll jake peralta who has never done Anything Wrong in his life, despite being the white male main character; he always treats his women partners as equals, and is disgusted when other male side characters say misogynistic things!! i have captain raymond holt, a black, gay police CAPTAIN who has worked his entire life to move past prejudice to get to where he is!! his sexuality is not used as the butt of ANY joke, but is simply just another part of his multi layered character, and he is shown to have a healthy relationship with his husband!! the most important relationship on this show?? the relationship between all of them, whether in duos/trios/or a whole squad, focusing on how despite how different they all are, they all love each other and have made a family out of such a group!! it also has no chill, talking about real police issues, how women have to stick together, and taking usual stereotypes and stomping all over them!! there’s no need to worry about characters being killed off for shock value or to cause manpain!! honestly there is absolutely nothing wrong with this show: it is genuinely funny, the characters are lovable, the relationships realistic and healthy, and it deserves much more recognition than it’s getting.
tldr; watch brooklyn-nine nine. you will not regret it.
I still don’t know much about Miraculous Ladybug all I’ve gleaned is that maybe(?) Alya and Chloe get to become Miraculous…ers too, and frankly, I’m fucking terrified.
The Love Rectangle wasn’t confusing enough? You wanna toss two more we-all-don’t-know-each-others-identities kids into the mix? This isn’t even a Love Cube you’re threatening. This is a Love Hyper-cube. This is a Love Tesseract. We’ve run out of spatial dimensions to chart this confusion and are now relying on color-coded 3D projections as the only humanly interpretable means of graphing this ungodly supreme clusterfuck.
I give it four days after the season premiere before the phrase “The superior shipform of Marinette and Alya is Ladyfox but all four of Ladyfox/Marilya/Alyabug/Marifox are greatly superior to all four Adriloe/Beenoir/Beedrien/Chloenoir as well as all forms of Alychat/Foxnoir/Adrilya/Adrifox and of course all twelve of these lose out terribly to Adrinette/Marichat/Ladynoir/Ladrien” and frankly, I’m handing in my resignation letter now.
Like here, this. Love rectangle? Totally graph-able. Look at this nifty informative shape.
Love cube? Okay you’re getting weird now. But yes, doable. Can-do. Totally fair to graphically represent pairs in 3D space. Toss Alya onto the third axis and you’ve got a chart. Every ship name fits nice and cozy.
All you need are the planar projections of the cube living in this 3D space and you got a deal.
The hyper-cube??? You’re ordering 2D planar projections of the hyper-cube living in 4D space?
Fuck no. Fuck you. Fuck this. I quit. I don’t even go here I’m o u t.
I’m………………not proud of myself
but I figured it out
Don’t ask me how unless you want a 2 hour explanation of what….the fuck this is
In conclusion: Love Hyper-cube is a-go
and I hate my choices.
oh god
my poor brain can’t handle the love hypercube
w h y
Guuuuuys this is sooooo wroooong it hurts!!! Not because of the idea of this shipping graph model… it’s just that you can’t explain shipping with graphs.
Think about this: every single character of MLB is a variable. Like x, y or z. When you have just Marinette, you have a single little x. Then you add Adrien an you can analize their interactions with an xy cartesian coordinate system. Then you add Alya and you got a three dimensional coordinate system (R3). But when you add a fourth character (like Chloé or Lila) you’ll find the same old problem the greek mathematicians found: YOU CAN’T GRAPH IN R4. THERE IS NO four dimensional coordinate system. So please stop adding lines that make no sense.
So please, think MLB as a simple polinomiun.
MLB (t)= m^2+ a^2+c^2+…+n^2
Where: t is time m= Marinette a= Adrien c= Chloé n= any other character you want to join this shipping orgy party.
the number two corresponds to the two faces each character has: hero and non hero. If you want to add a villian you can add the ^2 to emphasize two personalities but if you want a simple character just add a simple variable (for example: nino might be just an n cuz he has no secret identity yet).
So please stop cuz I want to use diferential calculus to solve this shipping problem….
Math throw-down?
Math throw-down.
>
you can’t explain shipping with graphs.
For starters, that’s the joke. That it’s needlessly complicated. You can make a shipping table in Excel nice and easy but that’s not funny or interesting
>
YOU CAN’T GRAPH IN R4. THERE IS NO four dimensional coordinate system. So please stop adding lines that make no sense.
^this here is a projection of how the 4D cube (in R4, which exists in mathematics) rotates along one of its axes. I used the easiest view of the hyper-cube. Which I looked up. And read about. I didn’t just draw random shapes. I put the proper effort into this.
The first “fuck no” sketch above is the most common 2D projected* view of the hypercube, and then the chart is 6 planes of the hypercube (which may be cubes themselves but again–the joke is that it’s needlessly complicated)
(*”projected” is an extremely important concept here. You know how when you draw a cube, you really draw one square, then two diamond shapes on the side and top? Our brains interpret this as depth and are able to visualize the 3D shape when really it’s just an object distorted along a 2D projection. Same with the hypercube. It just gets projected twice leading to really messed up visuals and behaviors.)
MLB (t)= m^2+ a^2+c^2+…+n^2
Where: t is time m= Marinette a= Adrien c= Chloé n= any other character you want to join this shipping orgy party.
Okey dokey
Why is the function by time? What time? You’ve got a multivariate function by everything except time. Your notation should be MLB(m,a,c,….n) = …
The squares don’t do what you think they do. Square doesn’t mean “there’s two of these”. The square is multiplication. These are all discrete variables, and discrete variables don’t take kindly to multiplication. What’s the value of Marinette multiplied by Marinette? What Marinette am I multiplying? More importantly, why am I adding multiplied-Marinette to multiplied-Adrien to multiplied-Chloe and calling that a ship?
To be more direct - the shipping graph is not a function. Can’t emphasize this enough this whole thing is not a function. It’s a collection of 24 discrete points. It’s 24 pairs mapped across 4R. The planes are strictly for visualizing shipping sets of “these are all the same two people” (and to keep with the theme of the “love rectangle” because, again, that was the joke to start.) The values are strictly binary, which means you can’t math them. y=x^2 is fine and good when x=7 but what does it mean when x=hero?
>So please stop cuz I want to use diferential calculus to solve this shipping problem….
That would really be something because
you cannot differentiate something that’s not a function.
you definitely cannot differentiate something that’s a collection of discrete points because differentiation by its definitionrequires a continuous function.
even ignoring the first two bullet points, you’d need to use n-dimensions of partial-differentiation because this function(?) has got at least 4 parameters (and it implies it can take infinitely more) so you’ve got >=4 different dimensions to differentiate by.
differentiation tells you the rate of change of a function along one of its parameter axes which…doesn’t tell us much of anything about ship names.
That’s my bit. Mic down. Math-ball’s in your court.
TL:DR my hyper-cube is intentionally ridiculous and about as mathematically sound as it’s gonna get. And shipping is not a function.
Babe. THE smut fic. You know the one. E x R, what we've been talking about. /Please/ write it? /Please/ <3 E
Aaaaand here we go with the smut. I don’t write smut much, mostly just on
request. So I dunno how this came
out. But it’s definitely smut. NSFW.
Possibly NSF-Anywhere. Also it
like…cold opens to sex, so. There is no plot here.
Grantaire tugged at the long
ends of the cord, tightening the coil winding about the outside. It scraped along the taut length stretching
to the headboard, a faint but audible sound, and he glanced down.
“Too tight?” he asked
quietly, letting his fingers trail down to slip into the gap between Enjolras’
wrist and the five loops of white cotton binding him to the bed. He could still fit two fingers comfortably
beside Enjolras’ delicate wrist, and the touch made Enjolras’ eyes flicker
open. The usually bright honey color was
a little hazy, distracted. “Mon ange,” Grantaire prompted.
“You’re fine,” Enjolras
said, blinking until his gaze was clearer. Grantaire nodded and finished tucking the
loose ends away until the knot was secure.
He ducked, pressed a kiss to the long, deft fingers, and saw Enjolras
close his eyes again.
Friends: *can’t find me in a crowd*
Friends: *screaming* LAFAYETTE
Me: I’M TAKING THIS HORSE BY THE REIGNS MAKING REDCOATS REDDER WITH BLOODSTAINS.
Friends: found her
I still don’t know much about Miraculous Ladybug all I’ve gleaned is that maybe(?) Alya and Chloe get to become Miraculous…ers too, and frankly, I’m fucking terrified.
The Love Rectangle wasn’t confusing enough? You wanna toss two more we-all-don’t-know-each-others-identities kids into the mix? This isn’t even a Love Cube you’re threatening. This is a Love Hyper-cube. This is a Love Tesseract. We’ve run out of spatial dimensions to chart this confusion and are now relying on color-coded 3D projections as the only humanly interpretable means of graphing this ungodly supreme clusterfuck.
I give it four days after the season premiere before the phrase “The superior shipform of Marinette and Alya is Ladyfox but all four of Ladyfox/Marilya/Alyabug/Marifox are greatly superior to all four Adriloe/Beenoir/Beedrien/Chloenoir as well as all forms of Alychat/Foxnoir/Adrilya/Adrifox and of course all twelve of these lose out terribly to Adrinette/Marichat/Ladynoir/Ladrien” and frankly, I’m handing in my resignation letter now.
Like here, this. Love rectangle? Totally graph-able. Look at this nifty informative shape.
Love cube? Okay you’re getting weird now. But yes, doable. Can-do. Totally fair to graphically represent pairs in 3D space. Toss Alya onto the third axis and you’ve got a chart. Every ship name fits nice and cozy.
All you need are the planar projections of the cube living in this 3D space and you got a deal.
The hyper-cube??? You’re ordering 2D planar projections of the hyper-cube living in 4D space?
Fuck no. Fuck you. Fuck this. I quit. I don’t even go here I’m o u t.
So in my research for my thesis, I learned a thing, and it’s not useful for my thesis so I’m posting it here instead.
Okay, so, everyone knows that the words canon and cannon are not synonyms, and if you’re like me it kind of makes your teeth grind when people talk about firing the canons or historical cannon. BUT HERE’S THE THING. The word canon is a direct lift from Latin, and it means law or rule. And so when heavy metal guns were developed and needed to be called something other than ‘that big murder machine over there’, the word cannon developed directly out of canon in the sense of “to lay down the law,” the same way Samuel Colt’s gun got called the Peacemaker. Likewise, ordnance comes directly from the Latin ordinance, which also got transferred directly into English as another synonym for ‘rule.’
And that is your totally useless historical fun fact of the day.
*Aaron Burr
voice* Sure! So it took me a long-ass time to write this
because I saw PPP like once, like ten years ago, and I just now had the time to
google it and brush up. As payment for
the delay, it’s SEVEN PAGES. Also I
wrote this at two in the morning and I haven’t looked over it since, so… I wandered off from the movie plot. Sorry.
Prince
Gabriel Alexandrè Enjolras Apollinaire—he usually opts out of the lengthy full
name for just ‘Enjolras’, to the ongoing dismay of his entire staff—is
literally getting crowned as king of
the small country Rive Lune when Inquisiteur
Javert, the right-hand man of the neighboring Rive Astre, comes crashing
through the door. Turns out being
extremely determined to transform a hundred-year monarchy into a democracy
makes the local dictators edgy. Despite
his best efforts to the contrary, Enjolras is (quite literally) hauled away by Monsieur Valjean, a member of the Prince
Protection Program. His mother and the
queen of Rive Lune, Her Royal Majesty Juliette Ameliè Lamarque Apollinaire, is
not so lucky.
Enjolras
puts up a very legitimate fight against being ‘packed off like so much spare
luggage,’ as he puts it in his lengthy tirade.
The PPP has never had to handle such an…opinionated prince—normally,
they’re so shocky from an attempt on their life that they don’t question
much. Enjolras is something else. He spins such a compelling speech about personal responsibility and care of the people and my country that, honestly? They almost go for it. And then Valjean clears his throat and
politely reminds everyone of the situation, and Enjolras is packed off to
America without further ado (and over his continuting protests) because Valjean
has that effect on people.
shout out to the kids that are compulsive liars because that was the only way to stay safe at home
shout out to the kids that have trouble expressing themselves because they were punished every time they were upset
shout out to the kids that question everyone’s intentions with them because they associate everything with their past abuse
shout out to the kids that can’t get rid of all the Unhealthy and Bad™ coping mechanisms they picked up at home
shout out to the kids that still feel love and affection for their abuser(s)
shout out to the kids that will never be well-adjusted and are okay with that
shout out to those of us that don’t fit the Good Abuse Survivor model; our experiences are real and no one has the right to tell us how to react to abuse. i love you all a lot and know that you are never alone 💜
why does no one ever talk about how lewis and clark met why isn’t that taught in history classes it’s like some rom-com meet-funny trope and i’ve literally never heard it brought up. literally the start of one of the most famous friendships in america and no one talks about it.
Wasn’t Clark just Lewis’ commanding officer? I guess I don’t know this story either. Can you tell it?
yes!! oh my god!!
so at twenty-one years of age, stupid stubborn hotheaded ensign meriwether lewis decides to get hella drunk and crash the party of one of his superior officers, starting an argument over politics (namely, defending thomas jefferson, his neighbor and veritable father figure) and insulting his host and basically being an embarrassment. so, he’s arrested and leveled with a court martial!! because this ridiculous boy can’t mind his fucking manners when he’s tipsy apparently!!
but instead of having to explain to his poor mother why he got booted out of the continental army, he’s acquitted (”with honor” bc apparently i’m not the only one who plays favorites when it comes to meriwether lewis), but he has to be reassigned so he doesn’t piss off his commanding officer again (awk). and whose brand new sharp-shooting rifle unit does he get transferred to?? take a wild guess!!!! that’s right, william clark’s!!!! and over the next six months meri falls deepfuck in totally platonic bro-love with him until clark resigns his commission for family reasons. then, roughly eight years later, lewis writes him to ask if maybe he’d like to travel to the ends of the earth by his side and, well, the rest is history.
But how do you know it was platonic
i hope you guys understand that when i say “platonic” i say it in the patronizing sarcastic tone of voice i always use when i talk about meriwether lewis’s big ol’ crush on his bff. maybe i can’t prove totally that he was v gay and probably at least a little bit madly in love with clark, but damn i wanna believe love exists ok.
lewis’s obvious sexual repulsion of women, his inability to find a wife, his desire to live with clark after the expedition, that last letter he wrote to clark before his violent death that we don’t have because clark burned it – we can read a lot into all of this if we want to, but even besides all of that the point remains that meriwether lewis was intensely fond of clark, and that they cared deeply for one another, and that their personalities complemented and completed one another in a way that makes you think twice about soulmates.
actually, sacagawea was a sixteen-year-old kidnapped shoshone girl sold into sexual slavery to a french trader named toussaint charbonneau, who pissed power couple lewis and clark off to no end due to generally just being who he was as a person.
whereas lewis had no real interest in women from what we can tell from his writings, he actually wrote about how much he admired sacagawea’s extreme fortitude and numerous skills that helped them throughout their journey. lewis also actually delivered sacagawea’s child!! she had a very difficult birth (probably because she was a child), which sent lewis into multiple kinds of panic. clark, however, really doted on sacagawea and her son; he gave them both nicknames, looked out for their safety during the trip, and was very close to them even after the expedition and ended up adopting sacagawea’s son. he was also a notoriously bad speller and i don’t think he ever spelt charbonneau’s name correctly ever not even once (which makes me think of the blenderdick cucumberpatch meme tbh).
bless this new trend of saying ‘yikes’ honestly this is the word i’ve been looking for my whole life. the perfect combination of disinterested, detached, amused, and passive aggressive. five letters that say so much yet are vague enough that you won’t get involved in any drama
Marius:
Had you seen her today you might know how it feels to be struck to the bone in a moment of breathless delight! Had you been there today you might also have known how your world may be changed in just one burst of light! And what was right seems wrong and what was wrong seems right!
