Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win
Month
my dog was supposed to be a police dog but he failed the training for it because he was too much of a wimp. the trainers said that when he was supposed to be attacking dummies he’d run up to them and roll over and wag his tail and they also said he was the worst failure they’d ever seen
i asked my mom how she met my dad and she said at a college basketball game this guy got distracted and got hit by the ball and got a huge bloody nose and he came up to her after the game and said “i was distracted by you” with like blood all over his face and jersey
so i asked my dad and he said “my friend told me he’d give me 10 bucks if i asked a girl out with my broken nose and she said yes”
two years ago i was licking a lollipop and some dude said “watching a girl eat a lollipop is a great way to see how well she gives blowjobs” so i bit the lollipop in half and spit it out
Why yes, you are correct im-the-asshole-that. I really really hate boomers constantly shitting on my generation.
At my job, I once had to take a training course called “Dealing with Difficult People.” And during that course, for no apparent…
MY FAVORITE THING FROM ANY COMIC
fun fact: the reason that the plural of goose is geese but the plural of moose is not meese is because goose derives from an ancient germanic word undergoing strong declension, in the pattern of foot/feet and tooth/teeth, wherein oo is mutated to ee. however ‘moose’ is a native american word added to the english lexicon only ~400 years ago, and lacks the etymological reason to be pluralized in that way.
Oh baby. Keep talking dirty to me.
I think one of the reasons the Harry Potter Epilogue was so poorly received was because the audience was primarily made up of the Millennial generation.
We’ve walked with Harry, Ron and Hermione, through a world that we thought was great but slowly revealed itself…
there is literally no difference between academic scholars discussing their interpretations of a text and a bunch of people yelling YOUR HEADCANON IS WRONG at each other
Nice job, tumblr. Way to shit on higher education by reducing literary scholarship to the level of your fanwank.
There certainly is a difference.
Academic scholars actually admit when the evidence contradicts their interpretations, leading to them changing their viewpoints.
there are nice americans
there are rude americans
there are nice brits
there are rude brits
there are nice canadians
there’s justin bieber
Every year on Canadian Thanksgiving, we perform a ritual to purge ourselves of our rudeness, Bieber absorbs it all. He was never meant to escape, we are sorry.
He was never meant to escape.
…I’ve only seen this legendary post in screenshots
At least now that I disabled Anonymous asks, your own face is attached to your pitiful hatemail.
And if you recognize this ugly mug, shoot me a name!
Thanks.
ETA: He’s been tracked down.
HIS NAME IS BRANDON BAYARD AND HE LIVES IN SUPERIOR, WISCONSIN.
If a hot person ever tells me im hot my first reaction would be to look around for a mirror in case theyre talking to their reflection
yeah you called me cute, but like
did you mean cute as in puppy cute
or cute as in frick frack tickity tack take off your panties
I hope none of you ever get laid
when i say i hate school it doesn’t mean i hate education and knowledge. it means that i hate selfish and ignorant people there. it means that i hate stress and high expectations. it means that i hate being treated like a shit. it fucking means that i hate feeling like a failure all the time.
THANK YOU!!!
On the downside, I’m not that attractive.
On the UPside, if I lived back in Aztec times, they wouldn’t sacrifice me to the Gods for my beauty, by tearing my beating heart out of my chest…
So there’s that…
According to science we are actually getting more attractive, so there’s a good chance they would consider you beautiful and thus sacrificeable. Sorry dude, no getting out of this one.
‘I Don’t Know What I Did But It Worked’ — A thrilling story about my academic life
Everyone who suffers from social anxiety needs a friend who will
- help them order food when it’s too scary
- walk with them through crowded places
- help them laugh it off when they make a mistake
- not get tired of answering “no, you’re not annoying, silly goose! You’re adorable and I love you” no matter how many times it’s needed
and if you’re that friend, bless u for being fab <3
Sometimes I’m internally like “How is that a trigger?, ” then I realize other people have different life experiences from me, they don’t owe me their story, and I move the fuck on.
#guys if I’m not tagging something you need me to don’t hesitate to tell me#your mental well being is more important than the 5 seconds it would take me to tag something extra
why do you never see baby pigeons
#what if all pigeons are baby pigeons and there is one masterpigeon the size of a whale
This is too funny NOT to draw
i love how no matter how badly you fuck up benadryl cumquat’s name everyone on here still knows who ur talking about
when you haven’t saved your final project and your computer freezes
“your file has been recovered”
glasses are so stupid. u wanted to lie on ur side??? fuck off. u wanted a hot drink???? u can’t see shit now bc ur glasses are fogged up. go out in the rain???? tough luck shithead.
