There is no way that anyone could convince me that Natasha “shall we play a game” Romanoff and Bucky “let’s go to a science convention on my last night before deployment” wouldn’t be the nerdiest assassin duo to ever make dad jokes while offing bad guys
“for the first time ever i’m not the lamest” -clint barton probably
when i was 5 years old my best friend was a boy named kyle who didn’t know how to knock on doors so he made dinosaur noises outside my window to wake me up in the summer until i demonstrated how to ball his fists and slam them against my doors. we collected caterpillars in my trailer park and built them houses while we traded pokemon cards. he wasn’t the only one. there was ben, and mitch, and noah—but kyle’s the only one who hurt me, because when he tried to kiss me and i asked him why, he told me “because you’re a girl and i’m a boy, shouldn’t we like each other?”
i missed him so much and i wondered why he couldn’t just be my friend like he always was
in the first grade there was rich and joseph and i got sent to detention with them almost every day with a smile on my face. we built block towers and sang to my teacher’s lion king soundtracks when she’d turn the lights off during lunch time. one day they got in a fist fight over me at recess, and i wondered why they felt they needed to share my friendship, like it was something they owned.
in the second grade zach and i played yu gi oh under our desks during free time and i got moved for talking to him constantly. everyone in the class would tease him and i for talking, asking when we were going
to date already, asking him if he’d kissed me, and he stopped being my
friend.
when i was 11 i met a chubby boy with the name of a colour who wore
puffy vests and unwashed t-shirts, with greasy hair and bright blue eyes
and a smile that hid hurt behind it. people didn’t like him because he
was silly, but i liked him, because i was also silly. he became my
friend the day he bought me 5 giant roses and asked me to be his
girlfriend, and i politely declined but promised him i’d be his best
friend because i’d always wanted a best guy friend that stuck around.
we burnt our feet on the concrete during the summer and walked home
with the sunset silhouetting us. he talked often about how he loved me,
but never blamed me for being me, even though he refused to move on.
that boy dyed his hair jet black and sat on the end of my bed playing
songs to me on guitar, and all that pent up rage from before didn’t show
until the first time he slapped me across the face and called me a dumb
cunt.
in the 7th grade there was a boy named ryan who sat next to me on the
bus and talked to me about manga. he’d ask me personal invasive
questions but i didn’t mind because it was attention and i liked
attention. i was dating another guitarist with curly brown hair, one
who was much more kind-tempered than the other, and ryan mentioned how
much of an asshole he was every day. i wondered, why, why does he think
the love of my life is an asshole? but whenever i asked him, he just
told me, “girls only date assholes. there’s no room for nice guys like
me.”
i wondered, if he was so nice, why did he say such mean things?
he never stopped with me, taking me to movies, hanging out with me,
you know. being friendly. i thought we were friends. but then, how
many times had i thought that before?
how many times had i bonded with a boy, thought they got me, only for them to ask me if i wanted to make out?
how come when i told ryan i was coming out as a lesbian, he stopped
being my friend, and said “damnit, the one girl i really want to pound
into a mattress, and she’s only interested in chicks!”
there was a boy my junior year who stayed up all night with me until
the sun rose, talking about life, past loves, hopes, dreams. beneath a
million twinkling stars spanning forever, he brushed long brown hair out
of his eyes and listened to me talk about the history that made me.
then he asked me if i’d ever consider dating a guy, and complained
about how he’d never get laid.
when i told him no a couple hundred times, he found new girls to listen to.
i would sit on the couch and play zelda with dakota, and he’d talk
about all my favourite games with me. he was the closest thing to
support i had, and the letters and poems he wrote me were always so kind
and friendly. but he’d put his arms around me on the couch, and no
matter how many times i told him i was uncomfortable, he’d still come
over every day and do it.
“don’t you know how it feels to love someone and not have them love
you back? don’t you know what it feels like to be friendzoned?”
when i meet guys who talk about the friendzone, who talk about the
girls who don’t give “nice guys” like them i chance, i always want to
just say
when i was 10 years old i met a girl whose brown hair fell across her
shoulders and whos eyes sparkled when the sunlight hit them, whose
voice was like velvet and whose scent was like mountain smoke, who made
me dizzier than a fly climbing a sugar hill. and i’m 18 years old, and i
still love her, and she knows, and she doesn’t love me.
but my first thoughts upon hearing her rejection were not “what a
bitch,” were not “she just wants a douchebag and not a nice girl like
me!” were not “im going to keep pushing her until she dates me,”
they were
“she is the best friend i have ever had, and i am the best she’s ever had, and i would hate to take that away from her.”
so before you play the victim, mr. Nice Guy, before you angrily throw
your fedora on the ground and blame the girl you claim to adore so
much:
put yourself in the shoes of a girl who thought she made a wonderful
friend, only to find out that he just wanted her for sex. that he just
wanted her for a relationship. a girl who was just an object to win, a
prize. a girl who’s trust you’ve just shattered.
maybe she friendzoned you. but you girlfriendzoned her, first.
Even if you don’t read it all, read the last sentence. Then you will understand so much about me and other girls.
It is not a stupid question. Even if it is a stupid question, we have been thoroughly trained to answer your question without judgement or second-guessing. Besides, we’re mostly just glad you’re not asking us about the noise the printer is making again.
There are probably (at least) two desks in the library. One is where you check out books and is mostly staffed by people wearing nametags that say “Circulation Clerk.” These people can answer your questions about damaged or missing books, fines, and how many forms of identification we’ll need if you want to get a library card but your mailing address is in Taiwan. The other one is closer to the books and computers and is mostly staffed by people wearing nametags that say “Librarian.” These people can answer your questions about spider extermination, how to rent property to the United States Postal Service, and the number of tropical island nations in which you could theoretically establish the first United States Embassy. We would love to answer these questions for you. It would be a nice change from the printer.
We probably own a 3D printer by now. 3D printers, are cool, right? Please, please come use our 3D printer, it’s so lonely.
We spent a lot of money to hire this woodworker to come and teach a class at the library which you can attend for free. You will probably be the only person between the ages of ten and fifty in attendance, but your presence will fill the librarian with an unnameable joy. They will float back to their manager in a daze. “A young person came to my program,” they will say. You will have made their entire job worthwhile.
Every time you ask us for a book, movie, or music recommendation, a baby librarian gets their first cardigan.
Somewhere in the library, there is a form. If you fill out this form with your name and library card number and the details of the thing you are looking for, we will find you the thing. Sometimes the answer is “the thing is in Great Britain and they will not send it to us,” but more often the thing will just appear on hold for you, and one day you will pick up a copy of that out-of-print book you never thought you would read and maybe you will say, “Wow, the library is amazing,” and the librarian’s heart will glow.
Please bring back book #2. The rest of its series misses it very much.
Five dollars is not a large library fine. Believe me, before I started working in libraries, I too wondered how someone could sleep at night, knowing they owed money to the library. When we laugh as you sheepishly apologize for your $2.50 in overdue fees, we are not mocking you, we are thinking of the ten people we sent to debt collection already today.
We really don’t care why you’re checking out Fifty Shades of Grey. Maybe you have a specifically-themed ironic bachelorette party to plan. Maybe you’re working on a thesis paper about mainstream media’s depiction of female sexuality. Maybe you just got curious. We will give you the benefit of the doubt.
Whatever you’re smoking in the family restroom, please stop.
Somewhere on the library’s website, buried under “Links” or “Research” or “On-line Resources,” is a page that a librarian spent a month’s worth of work on. It contains many links to websites you thought everyone knew about, and one to a page that you could never have imagined existed that perfectly solves a problem you never expected to be resolved.
Imagine the kind of person who would think to themselves, “Library school sounds like a thing I should do.” For the most part, you are imagining the kind of person who is now a librarian. We want very much to help you, but we’re not entirely sure how to do that unless you ask. You are not bothering us. Please, come and say hi.
I want the Deadpool movie to have absolutely no regard for
the fourth wall.
I want Wade to do something and be like, “damn, that’ll look
amazing on the big screen”.
I want him to laugh at people watching in 3D when he whips
his katanas out abruptly and they undoubtedly flinch.
I want him to be in the middle of an intense scene and then
ask someone to step an inch to the left and when they exasperatedly ask why I want him to look right down the
camera and say “so you don’t ruin my dramatic close up”.
I want him to reference his own comic books. Even just have them laying around wherever he’s
calling home.
I want him to make fun of Marvel.
I want movie Wade to have as little regard for the fourth
wall as comic book Wade.
sometimes i remember that sulu saved everyone’s lives on the enterprise because he forgot to take off the parking brake and i feel better about everything
vikings made their woman handle the finances because they thought math is witchcraft
The idea that unicorns are only able tamed and captured by virgins originated as a medieval joke. The idea was that it took a mythical creature to catch a mythical creature.
There was once an English minstrel called Roland the Farter. He was awarded lands by the king on the condition that he turn up to the court every Christmas to perform his characteristic “whistle, leap and a fart”. His children could keep the lands after his death if they learnt and performed the same trick.
There is graffiti from the Norse invaders that reads (roughly) “ I slept with Ingiborg, the most beautiful woman in the world ”
A close friend of Alexander the Great named Dioxippus, once told one of his generals, named Coragus, to stop being so up himself, Coragus took offence and challenged him to a duel in front of all of his troops unaware that Dioxippus was a champion of Pankration, Ancient Greek Wrestling. Coragus turned up with all of his weapons and armour, Dioxippus turned up naked with a club, lathered in Olive Oil. The match was over in about 5 mins and Coragus got his arse well and truly kicked.
When an army of Swedes went off to war with the Norwegians, they left all the women to manage everything, however, in the village of Smaland, right on the Southern Border, they were attacked by an opposing force of Danes. The women, led by a woman named Blenda, responded to this by inviting the invaders in, feeding them, making them comfy and basically having a massive party to get them REALLY drunk. When all the invaders all passed out, the women slaughtered them all with anything they could find, and when the men came back, the King was so impressed that he basically granted them a bunch of new rights that were previously unavailable to them. From that point on, all daughters had the right to inherit property, money and land equally with their brothers, and were allowed to wear military-style garments around town and at their weddings. They were also given the prestigious right to wear the Royal Coat of Arms on their clothing – a tradition that has lasted to this day.
The term in Chess “Checkmate” is thought to have come from the Persian term “Shah Mat” which means “The King is dead”.
Captain Benjamin Hornigold, the mentor to Edward “Blackbeard” Teach, once captured a ship just so he could steal all of the crew’s hats, because his crew had gotten drunk the night before and thrown all of theirs overboard.
Napoléon Bonaparte, the Corsican soldier who eventually became the Emperor of France following the French Revolution and Maximilien de Robespierre’s “Reign of Terror”, was terrified of cats.
It is believed that humans learned to enjoy coffee from watching goat chew the beans
i’m just imagining a lot of aglionby boys having fantasies of ronan beating them up but not really wanting that to happen because they wouldn’t be able to move without pain for a week
my brother is sitting in the chair in my room studying a practice test thing for his final test before he becomes a fully certified EMT tomorrow and he’s mumbling some of the questions out loud and he just went “a child has fallen from a monkey at school…” and he just got dead quiet and stared at the wall for like a solid minute with the most stricken look on his face before he whispered “there’s no protocol for monkeys”
bro
bro it means monkey bars
now he’s googling “child falls from monkey” and apparently the only thing that pops up is Fall Out Boy’s “Thnks Fr th Mmrs”
I M L AHUGNI N G SO H ARD HE WENT INTO THE KITCHEN LIKE 5 MINUTES AGO AND STARTED A CONVERSATION WITH MY MOM AND I HEARD HIM JUST STOP MID SENTENCE AND THEN SHOUT “FUCKING MONKEY BARS”
if someone is not responding to you, they may not be just acting rude. They may actually not be able to hear you
when you find out out someone is deaf, please try not to let the first words that come out of your mouth be “I’m sorry.” or “I could never live like that.” Deafness is not some terminal illness that we suffer through everyday.
If you see someone struggling to communicate, please do not make them the center of attention. Trust me. The last thing I want when I can’t understand is someone pointing out that I can’t understand.
if someone is struggling to communicate, and you know sign language, please ASK before you start interpreting. Yes, we appreciate the kind offer, but not everyone is comfortable with some stranger intervening. Also, not all deaf people know sign.
-When you see someone with hearing loss jamming to their music in public, and you can hear it, please do not ask them to turn it down. It’s really ruse, considering it may just be loud enough for them to hear it or feel the vibrations.
NEVER cover your mouth and ask if we can hear/understand you.It’s really insensitive. Most of the time, reading lips is very important for people who are deaf to communicate.
Obviously, never ask how they get and keep their jobs. I feel like I shouldn’t have to explain this one.
Do not, DO NOT, under any circumstances, encourage or promote the use of technical devices such as hearing aids or cochlears to ANY deaf person. Many of us struggled with these devices as children. As we get older, we start to decide for ourselves if we want to use them. I respect people who their devices, but i do not respect hearing people who know nothing about them suggesting them.
do not ask “if you’re deaf, how can you speak so well?” It’s basically the same kind of thing as above. many deaf children are fitted for hearing aids/cochlears and sent to speech therapy the minute their hearing parents find out. Some deaf people can speak, some people can sign and speak, and some can sign. It’s honestly their choice, and sometimes it’s not a choice.
if there’s anything else that you want to know, but just for a slight moment you think “I don’t want to come across as rude,” DO NOT ASK.
Thank you for reading. The Deaf Community would love it if these were actually followed. :)
BE A REBEL AND ROMANCE YOURSELF. BUY YOURSELF A DOZEN RED ROSES. TAKE LONG BUBBLE BATHS. TREAT YOURSELF TO DELICIOUS MEALS. VIVA LA ANARCHIST AFFECTION
im just gonna buy myself discounted chocolate but thank u
YOU DESERVE FULL-PRICE GOURMET TRUFFLES BUT THAT’S YOUR CHOICE AND I APPLAUD YOUR FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITY
The reason why I’m so pissed is because the western world has always portrayed the Goddess Kali as some weird dancing statue, vicious killer, black-magic, blood-drinking woman who can be controlled by humans. In reality, she has to be given the same respect as you give a Mother and this is how Hindus have been praying to her for thousands for years. Women pray to her for strength and courage but you people reduce her to some toy you think you can play with as and when you like. The same way you use Buddha’s head as a flower pot in the name of aesthetic without realizing it’s the same significance as using Jesus’s head with while he is bleeding against the crown of thorns as a flower pot. Doesn’t sound right, does it?
Fun fact my boyfriend plays this game called Magic the gathering at this comic book store and I started going with him and we noticed that the other guys started saying really sexist and offensive things around me since I’m the only girl so he immediately took me home and taught me how to play so now I go there to play and beat all of them.
They spend thousands of dollars on decks to win and I picked out cards that my boyfriend already owned and made my own deck and go there and win one guy literally threw his deck in the trash and walked out of the store screaming
I do not understand why y’all had to ruin tiddies. Tiddies are cool B but like idk why yall had to hypersexualize em. Do you know how cool it would be to just be chillin topless in a city park during the summer on a hot day wit ya girl just relaxing and having a picnic and shit? Be able to take a nap at the beach together skin to skin and have it be completely normal? Like i get why yall like tiddies, I like em too. They cool to look at just like a muscular chest or calves or eyes or any other cool body part. But to the point where yall see a tiddie and get a boner ?? Yall needa fix yaselves cause you ruining some good times and experiences for the rest of us normal ass people not jerking it over a damn nipple
Not only is Pixels stupid, crude, and another complete cash-grab by Hollywood, it is downright sexist. One of the villains beamed down is the heroine from Dojo Quest, but in human form instead of the other characters like Donkey Kong or Pac Man (big and pixelated). She is used only as sex appeal (and one of the ONLY female characters in the entire movie) until one of the characters who sexually obsessed over her as a teenager gets to keep her as a LITERAL TROPHY at the end of the movie. Don’t let this movie be successful. Please do not go and see this movie, even ironically.
INSTEAD YOU SHOULD WATCH THE MOVIEBOB REVIEW ON YOUTUBE, BECAUSE THEN YOU’LL KNOW HOW SHIT IT IS WITH THE ADDED BONUS OF MOVIEBOB’S HILARIOUS INSULTS
Had to attach the video because you have to see this it’s too excellent and so worth your time.
“We take a dance class together and our next routine calls for partnerwork, and we got put togeth-STop standing on my foot!” AU
“We live in adjacent apartments and our bedrooms are on opposite sides of a very thin wall and one night I heard you crying and talked to you through the wall” AU
“We live in adjacent apartments and one day I accidentally knocked a hole in the wall and into your living room I’m really sorry oh my god you’re naked” AU
“We’re both cosplayers and we somehow always manage to meet each other at cons dressed as a popular ship and people want photos of us in compromising positions and oops now we’re kissing” AU
“We sat next to each other during a really sad film and now we’re sharing tissues silently whilst we cry at the cinema” AU
“You and I both got arrested for holding up traffic to let a duck with ducklings cross the road and now we’re in the same holding cell” AU
“I was on my balcony playing music and you were walking past and stopped to listen because it’s your favourite band too” AU
“We bonded on the train through our mutual exasperation at another spiderman reboot” AU
“I work at a fruit store and you come in at almost every day and rearrange stuff on the shelves then leave, and we let you because it gives us something to do but today you made the apples spell” call me"“ AU
“I just came out of surgery and I’m convinced you’re my partner but you’re the just the long suffering (and super hot) trainee nurse” AU
Me: oh yea, sorry about that. Let me apply “harder” this time. I’ll be sure to write my contact info extra “hard” this time. I’ll make sure to touch up my resume and make it hella “hard” this time around too.
preach
Adults: You just need to hit the pavement, knock on some doors, call the hiring manager!
Every job application ever: PLEASE NO UNSOLICITED VISITS OR PHONE CALLS.
Fact: Our reception pool forwards the names of people who call unsolicited on to HR, who puts the names on a DO NOT HIRE, CANNOT FOLLOW DIRECTIONS list.
The other logical thought about Furiosa is that if she wasn’t made for men, she must have been made for women.
And, 1. there’s nothing wrong with that
but, 2. she might be made for everybody
There’s that myth about genre media where the genre is human experience, dividing everything into categories, not so much because it’s helpful to find what you’re looking for but because it’s assumed only people from certain communities will be interested in consuming certain media
so you get women’s cinema, and lgbt cinema, and black cinema, and disabled cinema, and when you’re just looking for a regular good movie you don’t really go near those shelves unless you’re connected to the subject because it’s just not universal enough, it’s going to have “an agenda” and you won’t be able to identify.
What horseshit, right?
And people get so angry about Fury Road being described as feminist because they think that puts the film on the Feminism Shelf where only angry activist women can browse. Someone actually got so angry they said “It’s not yours, it wasn’t made for you!”
Well shit, friend, it’s made for everybody. And if it’s made a little bit more for the women than the men, is that a problem? Strike that: if it’s made a little bit less for the men and a lot less at the expense of women, is that really a problem?
You enjoyed the film, it’s yours. You identified with someone who wasn’t like you- GOOD. No one’s gonna try and take that away from you. But don’t you be selfish and spoiled, either, don’t try and act like it belongs to you and no one else. Just accept that you enjoyed a movie that wasn’t putting your needs first. Is that so hard? Is that something to be ashamed of?
Because I think it’s fucking wonderful. Especially if you’re in that demographic that always gets catered to.
if you’re pro-life but you’re against LGBT adoption then you’re gonna have to stop pretending that your concern with child welfare actually extends beyond the moment of birth
and i was kinda curious as to how that would work, because obv the watch would need to be in braille right? in order for him to read it? but how would that watch work? So i looked it up and apparently this is more than likely the watch he’s got on him
and if you don’t think thats the tightest shit get out of my face.
So people are freaking out about Windows 10′s “Wi-Fi Sense” app.
The assumption that Tumblr is taking as fact because that’s what Tumblr does:
“Wi-Fi Sense gives your wi-fi password to your Skype friends list, your Facebook friends list, your AIM friends list, and every other friends list on your computer; all without you knowing. Please be informed and follow this tutorial to turn it off.”
The truth:
- Wi-Fi Sense has to be manually downloaded, first off.
- Secondly, it doesn’t give your wi-fi password out. It gives access to your network to anyone on your Skype/Facebook/whatever buddy lists, so they don’t need you to TELL THEM your password.
- The purpose of this is simple: If your friends come over with their laptop and they wanna use your internet, you can passively give them access because you have them on your Skype buddy list. This way, you don’t have to give them a receipt with blue sharpie on it that has a fucking 480 character password on it so they can get into your wi-fi.
- The password isn’t stored anywhere on their computer, it’s stored on yours, just as it’s always been, just as it always will be. All Wi-Fi Sense does is give them access to your wi-fi without a password.
- Therefore, Wi-Fi Sense is actually leaps and bounds more safe and secure than just normal wi-fi usage. You literally don’t have to tell anyone your password. Like ever. Hell you don’t even have to tell it to your own family, you can just select their computer on the network and allow or deny them access remotely.
I’m not gonna ask everyone to spread the word here because it’s gonna fall on deaf ears once it hits the Anti-Win10 crowd, but if you’ve been seeing the BS about Wi-Fi Sense going around, don’t believe it. Once again, Tumblr is extremely misinformed and didn’t take the time to search Google for about 12 seconds.
Pro-tip: if sending the same nudes to multiple people, adjust the images slightly. Crop, change the filters, etc and keep track of what you send to who. That way, if you ever see any leaked anywhere (like on a revenge porn site or some shit), you can know who the weakest link was and hunt them down.
Happy sexting, my friends.
Omg perf
Can I just say thanks for this though? Cause like…people make it seem like such a shameful thing to do and I’ve never really thought of it like that. So to see this post that’s being totally positive about it but also giving tips on how to protect yourself is something that’s very special and important to me.
Your body, your choice. Share as you like, but be intelligent about it :)
