Multiple gynos refused me an IUD because “oh, it hurts so much to put in when you’ve had kids! We don’t want to put you in pain!!”
I was at a 7-9 on the pain scale regularly for my periods, and the docs were determined to make me run the gauntlet.
“But what about the pill?”
“Symptom-swap.”
“Have you thought about depo?”
“Mood drop.”
“And the patch?”
“Family history of breaking out in rashes.”
“Well, what about the nuva ring?”
“How will that NOT give me the same symptom-swap issues?”
“…”
“Look, I’m in pain so bad I wake up in the middle of the night. I’m in pain so bad I didn’t know I had appendecitis. I need SOMETHING.”
“Have you tried an ibuprofen protocol?”
“YES.”
“There are yoga poses that help with cramping.”
“I can’t uncurl from the ball of pain I’m in. How the hell am I supposed to hold position?”
“Well, how much caffeine do you drink? That could be a factor.”
“I have three cups of coffee a day and drink lots of water.”
And so on.
Then, one day, I made an appointment and went to Planned Parenthood.
“Yeah. Hi. I have incredibly painful periods that are fucking crippling me, and I need an IUD.”
“Okay. Do you have a chart of your periods I can look at?”
“Yup.”
“Okay. Looks like you have regular, heavy periods where the pain is worsening. Is that right?”
“Yup. And the fatigue. And the mood swings. And all of it.”
“Fatigue and mood swings, too?”
“Yup.”
“…is there any history of endometriosis in your family?”
“Yup. I’ve never been diagnosed, though. They say it takes a biopsy.”
“The biopsy can confirm tissue, but if you don’t have excess tissue, it doesn’t really help. You can have endo without excess tissue.”
“Okay. So, what are my options?”
“I suggest Mirena. Paraguard can make period symptoms worse even though it’s got no hormones while Mirena has a low-dose hormone that should help with all your pain and other issues. Here’s all the info on both of them. Here are models of both of them. Why don’t you take everything with you, read through it, then call if you have any questions? We can go ahead and schedule for insertion before you leave, and you can just call and say which type you want after you’ve read up. Is that okay?”
“…Yeah. That’s. That’s fine.”
“Do you have any questions right now?”
“Um, I got told a bunch I shouldn’t get an IUD because the insertion will hurt too much because I haven’t had kids.”
“Looking at the pain you’re usually in, I think you can handle it. It will definitely hurt, but it should only last about twenty seconds.”
“Twenty seconds?”
“Yes.”
“I’ve been refused the best option for dealing with my symptoms because of TWENTY SECONDS?!”
“Sadly, we hear that a lot.”
Planned Parenthood treated me like a PERSON who was in pain, not a walking uterus bitching and moaning about womanly things. Planned Parenthood showed me respect and kindness and respected the knowledge I brought of my own medical history to the conversation. Planned Parenthood respected my autonomy where other doctors rarely had and paid attention when I explained why I felt the IUD was the best choice. Planned Parenthood showed me I mattered, and I want to show how much they matter to me.
i hate when people are like “only dogs can give u love and affection cats are cold and elusive” like okay dog person if you had ever actually owned a cat you would know they are the neediest fucking creatures on the planet
cats will literally sit on your head until you pay attention to them
That proves the point, they want attention, they want you to pay attention to them not them!
cats show affection and love in their own way
for example
actually holding eye contact with you and blinking slowly is how cats ‘kiss’
cats choose to sleep or sit next to you even if you’re busy when they have a million other places to be because they like your company
they consider positive attention love
when they ‘headbutt’ you it’s called ‘bunting’ and it’s how they show affection
when they knead you it’s because they feel comforted
they think of you petting them as grooming- it makes them feel good so they will ask for you to pet them (or demand) especially if they’re feeling sad
cats like to step on you because they mark you with their scent from their little feet telling other cats BACK THE FUCK OFF THIS HUMAN IS MINE
cats will lick you or groom you because they want you to be clean and happy
they bring you dead things because they don’t want you to starve
cats think of humans as parents whereas dogs think of humans as the alpha dog
ok but if youre gonna support the idea of removing negative people and ending relationships that one no longer benefits from, you must also be willing and open to understanding why someone may do just that to you
I suspect this post is predicated on the assumption that most people who advocate ending negative relationships are naive, or hypocrites. I think the OP might have this preconceived notion that “people wouldn’t recommend doing this if they truly understood the consequences.”
The thing is that everyone has their own list of compromises they’re willing to make vs. consequences they’re willing to put up with. Some people would rather compromise more, so they can avoid negative consequences. Some people would rather face more negative consequences, so they can avoid having to compromise.
Everyone has a different conception of “acceptable compromises” vs. “acceptable consequences” and everyone thinks that their conception is universal, and that anyone who claims otherwise is naive, or hypocritical.
Take for example someone saying “I did everything I could.”
They might mean “I did everything I could short of compromising my personal morals”
They might mean “I did everything I could, including things generally deemed immoral.”
They might mean, “I did everything I could without damaging my mental and/or physical health.”
They might mean, “I did everything I could including damaging my mental and/or physical health.”
They might mean, “I did everything I could within what I consider an acceptable level of risk.”
They might mean, “I did things that could have killed me and/or others.”
They might mean, “I did slightly more than what I would usually do.”
And here’s the thing — whatever they did mean, they’re going to assume most people mean the same thing. Everyone naturally assumes that their line in the sand is the standard line in the sand.
[…]
Or as George Carlin once said, “everybody who drives slower than you is an idiot, and everybody who drives faster than you is a maniac.”
Now me? I’m not going to stay friends with someone out of fear of loneliness, misplaced loyalty, habit, or because I think I can change them. I would rather lose a friendship than have someone stay friends with me for these reasons. I can say that with authority, because I’ve been on both sides of that scenario.
These are valid points; for me, personally, however, I reblogged the post because I found it to be a bit of an interesting mental exercise. This is coming from the position of fully believing in [and practicing] cutting ties with people/relationships once they become a drain and/or source of toxicity as opposed to a fulfilling addition to my life.
That being said, I do think it is absolutely important to take a moment to realize and consider and internalize that other people can and will do this to you for exactly those reasons–not in the sense that it should discourage you from doing so, but in the sense that you should use that self-awareness to understand their reasons, their needs, and their motivations; that is to say, instead of becoming angry or resentful over it [although it’s generally somewhat unavoidable; no one likes feeling like a burden and no one likes being cut out of someone else’s social circle, and feelings aren’t usually super rational anyway even if you can logically process the reasons behind something], to understand where that other person was/is coming from and either a/ not take it [too] personally and/or b/ modify your behaviour in current/future relationships [in the case of you being a drain or toxic presence on another person’s life].
So yes, I think it’s important to take a moment every so often to apply the rules and standards you have to your own life and choices to the behaviours and actions of other people. I, personally at least, can occasionally get sucked into a slight unconscious solipsism in that sense, and reminding myself of these things is helpful, and I’m of the opinion that it’s helpful for other people to do so as well.
When I was 13 years old and curious about sex and love, I asked my mom if she had had sex before marrying my father (of whom she is still married to, and has been since before I was born). She said that that wasn’t really a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question. I said ‘sure it is, you’ve either had sex before him, or you haven’t’. She brought me onto the couch and sat me down and told me about the boy she liked when she was young and how one night she snuck into his house while his parents were gone and they were kissing and he said they should have sex and she said that she wanted to save sex for marriage and he laughed and basically took all her clothes off and he raped her and as my mom was telling the story she cried and this was the second time I had ever seen my mom cry. She was 12 when it happened.
In grade 8 I got a call from my friend in the middle of the night and she was drunk in the park crying and told me that she went out that night with some other friends and they drank a little and her guy “friend” starting flirting and yes she laughed at first but then he tried to pull her shirt over her head and she pulled away and he ripped her shirt and it was her favourite shirt and then he pushed her to her knees and HIS BEST FRIEND HELD HER JAW OPEN WHILE HE FACE FUCKED HER. And so I went to the park and picked her up and took her home and slept in her bed with her except we didn’t sleep because she just cried and her mouth bled and this was four years ago but I still have to be the one to bring her items to the till it the cashier is a man, and she still has anxiety attacks and she’ll get a rash all over her body and I just want to kill those boys but instead they are still walking around. And I’m in the bathroom with her, dabbing at her skin with a warm cloth until it returns to its regular colour.
And in grade 9 one of my closest friends was kinda seeing this boy and so they hung out one night and then she said that she really had to be getting back home and he said that she wasn’t going anywhere until she gave him what he wanted and he parked the car and took off her clothes and she said no and he ignored her and so she laid in the backseat totally limp and just cried and it wasn’t even sex, he just masterbated by using her body instead of his hand and she came to school the next day with vodka in her water bottle and she drank all day and I had to fight her to get the alcohol away from her and she just cried and threw up and I skipped class while I held her hair back and that same boy texted me a month later, asking if I ever wanted to hangout sometime.
And in that same year my very best friend who has never even kissed a boy, confessed to me that when she was 9 years old, her 12 year old cousin made her give him a hand job and he told her that was what cousins do and he gave her a chocolate bar afterwards and she told me that he probably doesn’t even remember it but that it’s something that she’ll never have the luxury of forgetting.
And in grade 10 I knew a girl who invited her best friend over to watch Disney movies and then he started to put his hands down her pants and she said no but she is 130lbs and he is 220lbs and he called her a tease while she tried to fight him but he used one hand to hold her down, and the other to put inside of her and i was the one to push her inside of a classroom and stand in front of her while calling the police when he showed up at our school looking for her and she was so damn scared.
And a few months later I skipped class and was in the car with a guy who i had had unprotected sex with in the past while under the influence of cocaine but this time I was sober and I insisted we use a condom but he told me he couldn’t feel anything while the condom was on so he ripped it off and I said I refused to have unprotected sex again and so he just grabbed me and forced himself into my mouth and I was crying and he pulled me onto him and I just came saying “stop” over and over like a broken record but he must’ve heard something different because he went until he came and I just sat naked in the backseat while he drove me back to the school and said “we should do this again sometime”. And I had five showers that night and I scratched at my skin so hard to try and rip his fingerprints off of me, I still have the scars.
And I found out soon afterwards that that same guy had raped a classmate of mine, 5 months earlier and she told me about how he brought her McDonald’s first, and how he said they could take things slow and she told me about how he didn’t listen to her either. And he goes to our school and so after she told me about her incident and I told her about mine, we decided to report it to the police and the trial is currently still going on and he told people about it, except in his version we are just “asking for attention” and all his friends talk about how bad they feel for him. As if HE is the one that still wakes up screaming. As if HE felt like his skin no longer was beautiful, no longer belonged to him.
And I held her in my arms as she bawled after giving the police her statement. And she did the same for me.
And I met a woman a year ago in a paint store and she had a service dog and I asked what the dog was for and it turns out that she had been so brutally raped and abused in her life, that the dog is literally trained to keep men away from her.
And I’m so FUCKING SICK AND TIRED OF THIS WORLD WE ARE LIVING IN. How many rape victims eyes have I already looked into? How many more will I? And how many more friends will I hold while they shake? Because I don’t know how many more I can take. And who the fuck still has the nerve to make rape jokes? And… Something just has to change. Please, someone just start being that change.
Is there someone in your life who is the moon of your life?
There is. :) My darling wife thisallegra whom I’m met as a linguistics undergrad. (we were both in Berkeley’s undergraduate linguistics club), and who continued on with me to get a master’s in linguistics. I could spend every single second with her for the rest of my life, and I know at the end of my life my only regret would be not having spent enough time with her. She helps me with my languages when I get stuck and also enjoys being a total lazy bum like me. I unfortunately had to take this trip to the Bay Area without her, because she’s 31 weeks pregnant and simply can’t do traveling right now, and I’ve missed her every moment since I was gone. Me jalan atthirari anni. :)
•Its good, but its depressing and I just wanted some positivity that day
•Its something I wouldn’t want to reblog without discussing, but I have no time and/or mental energy to do that at the moment
•There are no sources
•I have seen the same post on my dash three times today and frankly, so has everyone else, adding to that is doing nothing
•Its a callout post still spreading around after the blogger who made the original offense has already apologized/done what they could to fix it
•its a harsh callout post against a mistake due to the misunderstandings of a 13-15 yr old, and I as an adult feel that this is a horrible way to do things
•It includes a phrase like: If you don’t reblog, you’re a terrible person
•IM PROUD OF THIS COMMUNITY FOR TRYING TO FIX THE CRAPPYNESS OF THE WORLD, BUT GUILTING PEOPLE INTO REBLOGGING YOUR POSTS WHEN SOME PEOPLE COME HERE FOR AN ESCAPE IS NOT HELPING
the “if you dont reblog this im judging you” is such a shitty guilt trip and it makes me not want to reblog it at all.
did anyone else do that thing when they were in elementary where you write T H I S on your knuckles and a stick figure on one palm and a scribble on the other and you go “this is bob bob says hi this is bob when the car comes by” thing. that was messed up.
wish fulfillment au where boromir lives through amon hen and since the ring has moved on his thoughts are clear and he’s just aragorn’s devoted right hand
and he and gimli bitch endlessly about the run across rohan because “i had THIS MANY ARROWS in my chest i want our hobbits back but CAN WE SLEEP” and he’s 5000% shitty to rohirrim who don’t respect aragorn and he and eowyn become rampaging bffs and he gets in on the body counting at helm’s deep (“ARAGORN I’M BEHIND I’M GOING TO THE DOOR” “YOU ARE NOT GET BACK HERE”) and he and treebeard become instant kin because mi hobbit es su hobbit and he goes through the dimholt pass with aragorn and hates every single second of it but is unfailingly by his side through all of it
and then gets to minas tirith and reunites with faramir and finds out pippin is a guard of the citadel and has to go lock himself in a room and laugh for hours
Understanding our relationships with our bodies and selves can be rough. When I feel like I just don’t give a shit because I’m gross I get tough with myself. Call it my inner Boss Bitch Voice. I look at myself and say, Okay, damn it, get your shit together. Drink your water. GO GO GO GO! Put your pants on. GO GO GO GO! DO THE THING! PUT YOUR DAMN EYELINER ON YOU MAGNIFICENT ASSHOLE! No, really, this happens in my head.
I know that if I keep up my self-care (take care of my skin and hair and drink my water), then I will feel better in the long run. Even when I look in the mirror and hate what I see, I know deep down if I don’t self-care I will feel ten times worse.
To that end, I get tough. I tell myself, Okay, you hate all those things, but take care of them anyway. I keep track of what I’ve done or I share on social media how I am caring for myself and it helps me.
It doesn’t matter how you self-care or to what extent at this point. This is the point where it’s just more important to keep it up. It’s hard and you might cry or rail against it or feel like there’s no point.
Through self-care I started to hate less. When I take the time to rub (I just had a Silence of the Lambs moment) lotion into my skin, I take some time to check myself. Am I putting moral value into the cellulite on my ass? I know that is not a good thing to do, I can think about not doing that. I hate my face? Okay, let me decorate my stupid ugly face until I feel like I can accept it a bit more. Or deal with it for the moment.
I also want you to know that none of this, no matter how much you know about it or how much experience you have with it, is going to be easy all of the time. There are going to be times in your life when self-care is the dumbest thing in the world and you might curse my name for ever telling you about it. That’s okay. That is being human.
I promise you, self-care is not only vital and rebellious, it is for you. Even when shit is hard, you hate your face, you have ten minutes a day to get it done, you’re having confused gender feels. Even if you’re a hetero cisdude, a kid, a mom, a gay Dad. It is for you. This, my friends, is where we really begin revolution. It goes that deep.
When we actively fight all the shit we’re taught about our bodies (how we should care for ourselves and who gets to do beauty and self-care), when we say, No, no that’s just not right, and we do self-care for ourselves, that is where change begins. It is the bedrock of changing our culture a microcosm at a time. Self-care is contagious. If you, my homie, start self-caring on the regular, you are doing your thing. People close to you will notice. Maybe your skin looks brighter or there is more of a sparkle in your eye. Maybe you are carrying yourself like you are the flyest motherfucker alive. You tell them you do this self-care stuff and are serious about it. Maybe they start doing it too. Maybe you do it together. You teach your kids, or they teach their kids. And so on.
I believe that you can do it. You are completely and totally in charge of this. Your word is law. I want you to take some time here and really let what I’ve told you sink in. Self-care is for you if you are full of self-loathing, if you have low self-esteem, if you are completely unsure about all this shit. It is for you. You are not only entitled to all of these things, you deserve them. You are not too ugly, fat, manly, feminine, gay, queer, gendered, agendered, pretty, stupid, smart, vain, or vapid to engage in and learn to enjoy self-care. You are perfect for self-care. You deserve self-care. Your life and exitence in this universe are so vital and so important. Helping you survive is a great crusade.
I am ride or die about this. I am dead ass serious. I am talking to you. Not you in the sense of the big macro universe you. I am talking to the you who is reading this right now. I don’t give a shit what anyone has ever said to you before. You are important. You are worth it. You are a magnificent human being who is doing really great. You might be sick, you might be in debt, you might be mid transition and confused as fuck, you might be sitting there cursing yourself from toes to bhole. That’s okay. No matter what you are dealing with right now it absolutely does not make you less than. If you are struggling that does not mean you have failed. It means you are fighting. And that is fucking awesome.
Regardless of the struggle, regardless of what you feel like you are failing at you, are doing fucking awesome. You are moving around, you are reading this, you are learning some shit. You fucking rule. I mean that, my homies. From the bottom of my little heart.
Now time for a gut check. Are you breathing? Are you maybe having a shit time but trying to work it out? Are you still reading all this? YOU ARE DOING IT. Even if you are full of bad thoughts and doubts about all this shit, you are doing it. Right now we are doing the damn thing and drop kicking the status quo. Welcome to the revolution my homies.
my favorite compliment i’ve gotten at college was from a drunk frat boy who said i had “the body of the girl of his dreams” then paused and held up a hand to stop me from saying anything and continued “…..but the haircut of the boy of my dreams”
you seen that caterpillar that creates a cocoon that looks like a snake?
ahh i actually havent ! at first i thought you were actually talking about a CATERPILLAR that looks like a snake, and said cocoon on accident (specifically the caterpillar of the hemeroplanes triptolemus, or snake-mimic hawk moth)
but it TURNS OUT theres a species of butterfly that takes it way further, to the point where all the other caterpillars are like “is this really fuckin necessary”
its the chrysalis of the daring-owl butterfly ! a species thats found in trinidad and spends a good portion of its young adult life trying to convince other things that its not actually completely helpless
LOOK at the detail thats gone into this though- i cant even imagine the journey this look mustve taken, with lightly less-snakelike chrysalises being eaten over time again and again until youve got something with definable eyes and scales
apparently if disturbed theyll also rock violently back and forth, furthering the idea that this is a very dangerous pitviper with the tiniest body imaginable
the adult butterflies are much less exciting but honestly they dont need to be with a history like that a+ bug
So FUCKING HARPER changed citizenship law so that people who are born in Canada have a different citizenship status than those who immigrated here or came as refugees. Among other things, people who came to Canada and then got their citizenship can still be deported, regardless of their status as Canadians. Literally how absolutely fucked up is that?!
“people
who are born in Canada have a different citizenship status than those who immigrated here or came as refugees
“
You don’t need to have been born and come from another country. You don’t need to be a first-generation immigrant. Or a refugee.
If your parents were immigrants and you are eligible for another citizenship - even if neither you or your family applied for you to get it, you are still targeted by Bill C-24.
I repeat, you can be BORN here, and Canada may be the ONLY country you’ve ever lived in, but if you’re ELIGIBLE for a second, third, fourth, etc. citizenship - you don’t need to actually have dual citizenship, only the eligibility for it - the Bill makes it so that your Canadian citizenship can be stripped away from you, and you could find yourself deported to another country for them to be forced to grant you citizenship status.
And they don’t need to involve the courts to do it.
They don’t need a judge to approve it.
The Bill gave that power to Immigration bureaucrats.
by this logic, myself, my mother and my sisters can be deported back to scotland because my granddad was scottish
wtf
Welcome to Harperland.
My partner is a permanent resident. Our two children were born here. They are both eligible for another citizenship. In theory, if they’re ever considered to be “traitors” to the country and/or government of Canada (the actual Bill doesn’t define what is “traitorous” enough, that’s for the people working at Citizenship and Immigration Canada to decide) there’s nothing stopping CIC officials from showing up at the door and deporting them to a country they’ve never been to, which they are only linked to due to the birth of one of their parents.
That Bill is bullshit, it was made by the Harper government so they could walk away from their obligations toward people like Omar Khadr, and to essentially terrorize even second-generation Canadians into compliance with those in power by hanging a “citizen-status” sword of Damocles over their heads for the remainder of their lives.
C-24 is bullshit.
All this this is correct and honestly it is ridiculous.
I could literally be deported to Italy even though my ancestors on my mother’s side were here thousands of years before Europeans even set foot on this continent….
Fuck Stephen Harper and his cronies.
Just letting you all know that both the NDP & Liberals want to repeal (get rid of) this bill.
We have an election October 19th, 2015. Please vote.
If you’re ever worried that you fucked up real bad, just remember that there are over 2,500 reported cases of vacuum cleaner-induced genital trauma in the United States each year.
mainstream media does not allow women the full spectrum of emotion. it does not allow women to wear practical clothing. it does not allow women to be muscular/tough/brooding/bitter/protective/fierce in the way men are allowed.
and it doesn’t allow men the full spectrum of emotion, either. it doesn’t allow men to take pride in personal ornamentation. it doesn’t allow men to be gentle/kind/supportive/affectionate/in need of rescuing.
no one is allowed to be truly human.
and I think we need to really acknowledge the way in which that fucks us all up.
“Time heals all wounds. And if it doesn’t, you name them something other than wounds and agree to let them stay.”—Emma Forrest, Your Voice in My Head (via wordsnquotes)
my favorite college experience is when i had a 7am class and the kid next to me literally poured a monster energy drink into his coffee said “i’m going to die” and drank the whole thing
i knew a guy who brewed his instant coffee with monster instead of water. three cups in two hours. i think he ascended to the astral realm
the survivability of the human race never ceases to amaze me
TABI ANECDOTE
My final year I lived with engineering masters students. One night, I’m finishing up my final paper, I’m juuuust backing up my final copy, and my housemate’s cat knocks a vase over onto my laptop.
Which wouldn’t be a problem except my cable had been chewed on (thanks Kobe), so the wiring was exposed. Circuits short out, I fling myself back to avoid electrocution and by the time we get the situation handled, my laptop AND my external hard drive have been fried by the surge.
I mean, fried. Like, they-are-vaguely-smoking fried.
I start to cry, because there goes fifty percent of my final grade.
Ahmad just goes “it’s okay, we will fix”. I’m like “how the fuck do you propose that?” And he’s like “I have spare laptop.” “THIS IS DUE IN THE AM!”
And he looks me dead in the eye and goes, “I said I will help. Go get the laptop.”
So off I go. By the time I make it downstairs, there’s this chemical /reek/ in the kitchen. I go in and there he is, methodically crushing caffeine pills with the bottom of a glass on a ceramic plate, periodically dusting the powder into a cooking pot. Meanwhile, his coffee pot is chugging away on the counter.
As I watch, he takes the coffee pot, empties it into the cooking pot, lets THAT come to a boil and dumps in some of his Turkish coffee, AND the remaining caffeine pill powder, which by now is starting to look uncomfortably like coke.
He lets that steep, and by now the coffee/burning smell is so strong it’s woken up all six of the other housemates, who have all come downstairs and are vacillating between staring at my laptop and at this concoction with undisguised horror.
He pours this sludge into a mug, stirs in about four /tablespoons/ of sugar and slides it my way.
I figure that I’m probably dead either way regardless, so I suck it back, filtering the grounds through my teeth as I go.
I’ve had three sips when it hits, and I feel my heart trip on a beat. I must have gone white cause he nods, all pleased, and points me at his laptop.
Long story short, I got an week’s extension, didn’t sleep for five days, had a conversation with my BLINDS in SPANISH, and got a B+, with a note that it was an “engaging read and well-written, when intelligible”.
To this day, coffee any stronger than a pale off-beige makes my chest hurt.
I honestly thought he was going to drink the coffee and perform was magic on the laptop but.. nope. even better. Honest to god, I really want to know how that conversation with the blinds went.
A 19-year-old reddit user sought the advice of his fellow redditors after a spontaneous gay hookup with his best friend last month.
“I had a gay experience with my friend I thought we were both straight,” he writes. “Feeling confused and don’t know where to go from here.”
The teen shared his experience in full detail hoping to get some guidance from users of reddit’s relationship forum. He writes:
Some background for the situation: I’ve known my friend Danny, the friend in question, since we were 14. We were part of a group of four guys and we all got along really well. Him and his best friend and me and my best friend would all hang out together all the time after school and on weekends, play video games together and go on adventures, you know, just teenager stuff. Anyway, at the end of high school we all went to different colleges across the country for different reasons. Danny and I both came back to our hometown for the summer, but my best friend and his best friend both stayed at their schools to work and take summer classes and such.
I’ve been hanging out with Danny pretty much every day since we got back. My parents repurposed my bedroom to a workout room almost as soon as I moved into the dorms so I live in my basement and usually he’ll come over and we’ll play games or watch tv or listen to music, and then he’ll crash on the couch, go home in the morning and then come back over in the afternoon, rinse and repeat.
Last night we were watching some shitty movie, or really more like just talking with the movie on in the background and there was a sex scene. I asked him if he managed to get laid at all at college, and he said no. I admitted that I hadn’t either. We started to talk about sex a little. I could feel myself getting excited but I didn’t really understand why. The conversation kept up to the point where I said something along the lines of “I would really love to know what it feels like to have somebody suck my cock.” He said “what if…” and then blushed. One thing led to another and next thing I know he’s blowing me. I felt weird and conflicted about it but it was so good. It was like my mind switched gears in the middle of it and all of a sudden I was so turned on by him. When he finished me I asked him to let me return the favor. Afterwards we kissed, and then he awkwardly said that he should leave and went home.
As soon as he left my mind went into overdrive. A lot of things clicked into place in my mind but I’m still confused about a lot of things. I don’t look at porn often but when I do it’s usually women, but I’ve never met a woman irl that I was actually attracted to. I thought it was because I have high standards, but what if it’s because I’m not into women? I can’t make sense of it. I was super horny this morning, I’ve jerked off three times already today and I tried to think about women and look at straight porn but my mind kept drifting back to Danny’s body, Danny’s dick, Danny with his mouth around me. It’s crazy because I’ve never once felt attraction to a man before, never noticed guys in a sexual way at all, but now all I can think about is him.
I’m really worried that this will fuck up our friendship. I don’t regret what we did, but what if he does? What if he’s been scoping me out this whole time, waiting for his chance to pounce? I don’t know how I would feel about that. Also if he decides he doesn’t want to be around me anymore, I’m going to be alone for the rest of the summer. None of my other friends are in town. And then what happens if we do decide to get together, become a couple. What happens when we go back to school? What do we tell our other friends? Hell, what would I tell my parents?
I texted him earlier, just a simple “Hey” and I haven’t gotten anything back yet. I’m kind of losing my mind waiting on an answer. I would really love advice regarding what to say to him when I talk to him next. I want to continue to explore my relationship with him, but I don’t want to scare him off by coming on too strong. I need to feel out his thoughts first.
Does anybody else that’s been in a situation like this have any advice to offer? What should I say to him? How can I salvage our friendship if it turns out that he doesn’t feel the same way as me? I’m looking for any general advice regarding sexuality and figuring yourself out as well.
tl;dr: Thought I was straight, ended up engaging in mutual oral sex with a friend that I also thought was straight. I want to figure out my sexuality and continue to explore this new territory with my friend, but stay friends with him if he’s not interested. How do I approach the topic so as to not scare him off? And how do I figure out if I’m bi or gay, just for my own personal peace?
EDIT: He just texted me back and asked if he could come over. I said yes. Wish me luck!
A few days later, he provided this update:
I’m getting a lot of update requests, and Danny just headed home so I figured I’d go ahead and post. I have exciting stuff to tell you guys! First I wanted to say thanks to everybody who commented, you all really helped me calm down and stop overthinking everything. I appreciate it a lot.
When Danny showed up we were both really nervous and awkward at first. I was really scared to say anything, but I broke the tension by telling him how much I had enjoyed the night before. He broke out into a huge grin and turned bright red, lit up like a christmas tree. He told me he was so relieved, and that he had been obsessing over it all night worried for the same reasons I had been.
I told him that it was my first sexual experience ever and that I was questioning my sexuality now. He told me that he had been questioning his sexuality for a while, and that he had feelings for men before, but had mostly seen me as just a friend until last night, when he realized that I was kind of sort of coming onto him in a really roundabout way. It’s funny, I didn’t really think of myself as coming onto him but I definitely made that statement hoping something would come of it…
Anyway I told him that first and foremost I valued our friendship and wanted to stay friends whatever happened between us. He agreed strongly. He asked me if I was okay with working out our feelings together (read: having sex until we figure out how we feel) and I told him yes. After all this heavy conversation we decided to play some CS:GO together like we usually do but we ended up in bed together instead. Afterwards we talked some more and discussed the possibility of a relationship. He said he feels like we know each other well enough that he wouldn’t feel like we were rushing in, and I agreed with him. He asked me to be his boyfriend, and I said yes! I’m so happy about it, too! I’ve never felt so attracted to anyone before.
We haven’t told anyone yet, but decided not to go out of our way to keep it a secret. The area we live in is reasonably tolerant and neither of our parents are anti-gay, which I am grateful for. I am worried about telling my sister, who has recently become a born-again christian and had a lot of horrible things to say about the supreme court ruling on FB. I’m also a little concerned about telling our other two friends, but I think after the initial shock wears off, they’ll come around.
Now, I’m not super duper concerned with slapping a label on my sexuality and calling it a day (thanks to you guys, I appreciate all the advice in that regard!) but the more I think about it, the more I think that I really am gay, or at least gay-leaning bisexual. It kind of feels like the best time to be realizing it with the gay marriage ruling happening. Every time I think about it I feel giddy.
tl;dr: Talked it out, sexed it out, we’re a couple now! Thanks for helping me stay sane, reddit!
a good chunk of the mars press conference this morning was scientists discussing how not to contaminate the martian waters with terrestrial microbes from the rovers and permanently alter the development of life on mars. in other words we already have to obey the prime directive and I’m delighted with that
