I sincerely believe that by 7th year Ravenclaws would just tell the door to their common room to fuck off and it would open for them
Q “Why is a raven like a writing desk?” A “You shouldn’t shove either up your arse.” “…Technically, yes.”
Imagine it, a poor First Year is waiting outside the common room, they can’t answer the riddle in a way to appease the eagle and must wait until someone else to answer it for them. It’s getting late, they’re starting to resign themselves to having to spend the night here.
Suddenly, their saviour comes! It’s a seventh year! Back from a night finishing off their Araithmancy essay in the Library. They look angry, but our poor little first year squares their shoulders, waiting to see what will happen, and hope that they’ll keep the door open for them.
The Seventh Year bangs the handle against the wall, and a slightly disgruntled voice asks the question again: “What is the truth?”
The Student Replies, “The Truth is that I am so fucking sick of all these mother fucking questions about stupid fucking topics like this you bloody fuck-witted bastard. Who in the name of Merlin’s saggy left testicle gives a fucking damn about all this shit anyway? I’ve been working my arse off in the library for the last seven hours now let me the fuck in or, truthfully, I’ll blast my way in and take you with me.”
The eagle knocker tutts, but allows the student entry anyway, and our little first year enters, eyes wide and in shock. They watch the seventh year go up to their bedroom, awe all over their face at their new hero. They did, indeed, learn something that day by waiting for someone to arrive, they learnt that swearing has a magic all of it’s fucking own, and that sometimes it is big and clever to use it.
The only head canon I will ever accept. Its both perfectly witty and fantastically assholish
witty and fantastically assholish… pretty much quintessential ravenclaw traits right there
I feel like I missed my window to do stupid teenager things and stay out all night and jumped straight to being a 55 year old woman who would rather stay home watching tv and falling asleep at 8pm
But what if Anakin isn’t ignoring Kylo Ren? What if that great pull Kylo feels towards the Light is Anakin Skywalker desperately trying to save his grandson from his own fate, the way his wife and son tried to save him?
what if Anakin is literally constantly standing behind Kylo Ren, sputtering with ghostly frustration, going, “No! No! No! Do not do that! Do NOT do that! oh for fuck’s sake.”
This is almost certainly what is actually happening.
“Ben if you skewer my son-in-law with that lightsaber then SO HELP ME”
“Ben Solo your mother is blaming me for this, get your ass home and apologize now or I swear-”
And Yoda and Obi-wan are watching, shaking their heads. “Now you know how we felt,” Obi-wan says.
Yoda agrees: “A bitch, karma is.”
I love this. So many people can just totally see Anakin trying to strangle Ben from the afterlife.
How much of a fuckup do you have to be for ANAKIN SKYWALKER to yell at you for your terrible decision-making?
Kylo Ren is something else.
I’d like to think that half the dead Jedi are sitting in a little audience screaming at Kylo Ren at any given moment, sorta like that scene in Mulan with all the dead ancestors.
“kid, unless you want to join the Severed Hands of Star Wars Club, stop waving that thing around and make yourself a lightsaber that isn’t a giant accident waiting to happen. And by the way QUIT VENERATING MY SEVERED, BURNT-OUT SKULL DO YOU EVEN HAVE THE SLIGHTEST IDEA HOW CREEPY THAT IS, AND IT’S ME SAYING THAT, I am the farthest thing from a role model currently available to you”
Anakin is probably cringing each time he recognizes one of the dumb things he totally did himself. Like, okay, the majority of the people who are dear to me at some point went through the Hot Topic phase, as I did. At the time I thought it was absolutely the best thing ever and anyone who disagreed was a prep at whom my middle finger should be put up, to borrow a phrase, and now from the vantage point of the next century I look back at little me and shake my head. Kylo Ren is totally doing the fascist space opera version of the Hot Topic phase which involves torture and murder and vocoders, and it has got to be hideously embarrassing for his grandfather.
if you’re going to do a Star Wars academia!AU, here are some thoughts:
leia organa has been department chair for about a decade because every time she tries to step down, the department is unable to find anyone else willing to take the job. it was supposed to rotate after two years. she hates it.
han solo goes an leave every other year or so, ostensibly to investigate “new archives” in some sunny, tropical locale
luke skywalker also goes on leave every other year or so, but is actually going to very unpleasant archives and actually is allergic to dust
obi-wan kenobi used to be department chair but now when leia comes by to yell at him that it should be someone else’s turn, he pretends he doesn’t know who this “obi-wan” fella is, he’s totally an RA named Ben
padme is now dean. of everything. they thought you couldn’t be dean of everything, but she totally is. she’s about to retire and there will be one hell of a power vacuum when she goes
her ancient husband anakin has been emeritus for like half of his career. he still teaches grad seminars but usually scares off all the students on the first day. he has one grad he’s mentoring but he’s never letting her leave. she is on her 15th year of grad school.
C3PO is the photocopy code of the department secretary. everyone knows his code, no one knows his name. he complains about the copy machine in every single faculty meeting, but actually deeply loves the thing. he cried when they tried to replace it.
finn is a grad student who did his MA at [real university name redacted to protect the innocent] and was super burned by the competitive atmosphere. it came down to whether he was willing to take funding that had been allocated for foreign languages (and thus end their department) and he couldn’t do it. he had to switch. he has to start from scratch in the new program because they don’t allow terminal MAs here.
rey has been in one of the hard sciences for, like, EVER and has accidentally forgotten to leave her lab for the past month. don’t EVER try to “tidy” her lab. maintenance staff tell horror stories about her.
poe dameron is leia’s favorite postdoc. he lectures for her frequently. he always assigns her book when he does. they spend the first hour just agreeing how great her book is. this happens every time.
Point the first: everyone should insert trash ship of choice, insert all of them, insert them allllllll day erryday.
Point the second: I honestly wanna say that Yoda is the coach of the football team. Some seasons they do great, some seasons there are a buttload of complaints about how “Coach made me carry him around the mall for an hour, how is this training” and “Coach made me sit in the locker rooms in the dark at midnight to confront my fears” and “Coach told me there is no try-out, just do or not do, wtf.”
Point the third: emo goth child went to the local prep school—which luke started a while back and splits his time between there and the uni. The school has its own kennel of therapy dogs on site. Ben got kicked out for trying to start a dogfighting ring. Tried to re-enroll the next year (without telling parents) under a false name. Denied.
Point the fourth: R2D2 is the photocopier that C3PO loves. BB-8 is the espresso machine Poe bought for the faculty lounge that only he can work. Rey, a grad student who should NOT be allowed in the faculty lounge, is called in to make it work if Poe’s not on campus.
I WOULD LIKE 200k WORDS OF THIS AU PLEASE AND THANK YOU
QUICK, EVERYBODY LOOK REAL PATHETIC AT @leupagus! GUS, WE ARE SUCH DEJECTED, DEBASED CREATURES. YOU SHOULD WRITE THE THING FOR ME US.
See you say that you would want this but think long and hard about if you would REALLY want this
I do not understand this “male privilege" bullshit.
What. Fucking. Privileges. Do. Men. Have.???????
Name them. I swear, I challenge you to name these “male privileges" and be able to prove them.
Come on, I fucking dare you.
Name them!
Oh boy. Well, as a man, I’ll tell you my male privilege.
My odds of being hired for a job, when competing against female applicants, are probably skewed in my favor. The more prestigious the job, the larger the odds are skewed.
I can be confident in the fact that my co-workers won’t think that I was hired/promoted because of my sex - despite the fact that it’s probably true.
If I ever am promoted when a woman of my peers is better suited for the job, it is because of my sex.
If i ever fail at my job or career, it won’t be seen as a blacklist against my sex’s capabilities.
I am far less likely to face sexual harassment than my female peers.
If I do the same task as a woman, and if the measurement is at all subjective, chances are people will think I did a better job.
If I am a teen or an adult, and I stay out of prison, my odds of getting raped are relatively low.
On average, I’m taught that walking alone after dark by myself is less than dangerous than it is for my female peers.
If I choose not to have children, my masculinity will not be questioned.
If I do have children but I do not provide primary care for them, my masculinity will not be questioned.
If I have children and I do care for them, I’ll be praised even if my care is only marginally competent.
If I have children and a career, no one will think I’m selfish for not staying at home.
If I seek political office, my relationship with my children or who I deem to take care of them will more often not be scrutinized by the press.
My elected representatives are mostly people of my own sex. The more prestigious the position, the more this is true.
When i seek out “the person in charge", it is likely that they will be someone of my own sex. The higher the position, the more often this is true.
As a child, chances are I am encouraged to be more active and outgoing than my sisters.
As a child, I could choose from an almost infinite variety of children’s media featuring positive, active, non-stereotyped heroes of my own sex. I never had to look for it; male protagonists were (and are) the default.
As a child, chances are I got more teacher attention than girls who raised their hands just as often.
If my day, week or year is going badly, I need not ask of each negative episode or situation whether or not it has sexist overtones. (Nobody’s going to ask if I’m upset because I’m menstruating.)
I can turn on the television or glance at the front page of the newspaper and see people of my own sex widely represented.
If I’m careless with my financial affairs it won’t be attributed to my sex.
If I’m careless with my driving it won’t be attributed to my sex.
I can speak in public to a large group without putting my sex on trial.
Even if I sleep with a lot of women, there is little to no chance that I will be seriously labeled a “slut,” nor is there any male counterpart to “slut-bashing.”
I do not have to worry about the message my wardrobe sends about my sexual availability.
My clothing is typically less expensive and better-constructed than women’s clothing for the same social status. While I have fewer options, my clothes will probably fit better than a woman’s without tailoring.
The grooming regimen expected of me is relatively cheap and consumes little time.
If I buy a new car, chances are I’ll be offered a better price than a woman buying the same car. The same goes for other expensive merchandise.
If I’m not conventionally attractive, the disadvantages are relatively small and easy to ignore.
I can be loud with no fear of being called a shrew. I can be aggressive with no fear of being called a bitch.
I can ask for legal protection from violence that happens mostly to men without being seen as a selfish special interest, since that kind of violence is called “crime” and is a general social concern. (Violence that happens mostly to women is usually called “domestic violence” or “acquaintance rape,” and is seen as a special interest issue.)
I can be confident that the ordinary language of day-to-day existence will always include my sex. “All men are created equal,” mailman, chairman, freshman, he.
My ability to make important decisions and my capability in general will never be questioned depending on what time of the month it is.
I will never be expected to change my name upon marriage or questioned if I don’t change my name.
The decision to hire me will not be based on assumptions about whether or not I might choose to have a family sometime soon.
Every major religion in the world is led primarily by people of my own sex. Even God, in most major religions, is pictured as male.
Most major religions argue that I should be the head of my household, while my wife and children should be subservient to me.
If I have a wife or live-in girlfriend, chances are we’ll divide up household chores so that she does most of the labor, and in particular the most repetitive and unrewarding tasks.
If I have children with my girlfriend or wife, I can expect her to do most of the basic childcare such as changing diapers and feeding.
If I have children with my wife or girlfriend, and it turns out that one of us needs to make career sacrifices to raise the kids, chances are we’ll both assume the career sacrificed should be hers.
Assuming I am heterosexual, magazines, billboards, television, movies, pornography, and virtually all of media is filled with images of scantily-clad women intended to appeal to me sexually. Such images of men exist, but are rarer.
In general, I am under much less pressure to be thin than my female counterparts are. If I am over-weight, I probably suffer fewer social and economic consequences for being fat than over-weight women do.
If I am heterosexual, it’s incredibly unlikely that I’ll ever be beaten up by a spouse or lover.
Complete strangers generally do not walk up to me on the street and tell me to “smile.”
Sexual harassment on the street virtually never happens to me. I do not need to plot my movements through public space in order to avoid being sexually harassed, or to mitigate sexual harassment.
On average, I am not interrupted by women as often as women are interrupted by men.
On average, I will have the privilege of not knowing about my male privilege.
And lastly, I am taken as a more credible feminist than my female peers, despite the fact that the feminist movement is not liberating to my sex.
if you’re going to do a Star Wars academia!AU, here are some thoughts:
leia organa has been department chair for about a decade because every time she tries to step down, the department is unable to find anyone else willing to take the job. it was supposed to rotate after two years. she hates it.
han solo goes an leave every other year or so, ostensibly to investigate “new archives” in some sunny, tropical locale
luke skywalker also goes on leave every other year or so, but is actually going to very unpleasant archives and actually is allergic to dust
obi-wan kenobi used to be department chair but now when leia comes by to yell at him that it should be someone else’s turn, he pretends he doesn’t know who this “obi-wan” fella is, he’s totally an RA named Ben
padme is now dean. of everything. they thought you couldn’t be dean of everything, but she totally is. she’s about to retire and there will be one hell of a power vacuum when she goes
her ancient husband anakin has been emeritus for like half of his career. he still teaches grad seminars but usually scares off all the students on the first day. he has one grad he’s mentoring but he’s never letting her leave. she is on her 15th year of grad school.
C3PO is the photocopy code of the department secretary. everyone knows his code, no one knows his name. he complains about the copy machine in every single faculty meeting, but actually deeply loves the thing. he cried when they tried to replace it.
finn is a grad student who did his MA at [real university name redacted to protect the innocent] and was super burned by the competitive atmosphere. it came down to whether he was willing to take funding that had been allocated for foreign languages (and thus end their department) and he couldn’t do it. he had to switch. he has to start from scratch in the new program because they don’t allow terminal MAs here.
rey has been in one of the hard sciences for, like, EVER and has accidentally forgotten to leave her lab for the past month. don’t EVER try to “tidy” her lab. maintenance staff tell horror stories about her.
poe dameron is leia’s favorite postdoc. he lectures for her frequently. he always assigns her book when he does. they spend the first hour just agreeing how great her book is. this happens every time.
i love all the ‘poe has a wonderful singing voice’ headcanons for the obvious reason, but you know who else has a wonderful singing voice? rey. except where poe is a connoisseur of mellow space folk and lugs his space guitar from base to base and sings to his fellow pilots, rey has always made up her own songs and her own lyrics and her own stories to sing to herself about.
i’m saying: rey sitting at finn’s bedside, singing to him about the tiny desert critters burrowing in their tiny burrows with their tiny families for the night. it’s a strange combination, part lullaby, part counting song, something she made up when she must’ve been 7 or 8, and she’s never sung it to anyone else. but she’s singing it to finn, who’s unconscious, and it’s soft and sweet and poe walks by med bay one time and catches a glimpse and a couple of verses and he’s like
i don’t intend to die anytime soon but just in case, here’s my will:
all my money goes to the dude at my funeral who tells the best eulogy, as voted by other funeral attendees. any genre is acceptable but paranormal erotica is highly encouraged.
I want to take a few minutes to unpack a common criticism of Disney’s Beauty and the Beast, namely that it glorifies abusive relationships, telling impressionable young girls that it’s okay if their boyfriends shout at them and get physically violent, because they can “fix them with their love.” While it’s easy to look at the movie’s reputation in pop culture and make that assessment based on the broad strokes, if you look a little closer you’ll see that this conclusion is complete hogwash. Let me explain why.
Frollo and Mother Gothel convince Quasimodo and Rapunzel that their lives are dependent on them. The two villains claim the outside world is a terrible place even though they know this is not true. They also constantly emotionally abuse their victims by implying their worthlessness and destroying their self-esteems. Quasimodo and Rapunzel sympathize with their captors and even believe their captors are protecting them and treating them with kindness. However, both captors are merely using and manipulating their victims for their own selfish purposes.
Belle does not sympathize with the Beast when she is treated poorly. She becomes angry and leaves the castle, only returning by her own wish so that the Beast (who saves her) does not freeze to death. She does not respond nicely towards the Beast until he treats her with respect. In this situation, Belle has control and is not manipulated into feeling for the Beast, nor does the Beast treat her disrespectfully after the first night. While the Beast does have an underlying motive as to keeping Belle in his castle, he abandons this idea and sets her free to make her happy. If anything, this story is a case of Lima Syndrome where the captor starts to sympathize with the victim.
Check out this post which refocuses the purpose of Beauty and the Beast from merely (and wrongly) being about Stockholm Syndrome to it’s original purpose.
FUCKING FINALLY
I don’t usually reblog stuff like this, but Beauty and the Beast is my favorite movie and I’d like to have this on my page!
this is actually a very good analysis. I take back all the times I’ve called Beauty and the Beast a ‘stockholm syndrome’ romance.
I didn’t even know about any of this until I read it here.
THANK YOU THANK YOU
thank youuuuuuu
Another difference too is that the Beast never pretends that this is for Belle’s own good or anything like that. He makes it very clear that this a trade for her father, and that she is taking on her father’s punishment for trespassing. I’m not saying locking Maurice up in the first place was a good thing (obviously not) but there is no trickery here, and when the Beast finally embraces the goodness inside of him he freely lets Belle go even knowing that to keep her would benefit himself. He realizes how selfish and wrong that would be, unlike the actual villains on this list.
Frollo appoints himself as Quasimodo’s guardian, Gothel convinces Rapunzel she is actually her real mother (which honestly makes her one of the most groundbreaking Disney villains to date imo, showing children that just because someone is in the ultimate authority over them doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be questioned; unfortunately in this world, not all parents are automatically “good guys”), but the Beast is Belle’s captor until he lets her kindness start to transform him. (And also take note: Beast changes because he wants to change, Belle is who shows him how.)
me [inside]:
my favorite human has arrived. They are cute and smart and my favorite. I must greet them in a manner indicative of my appreciation for their existence.
So this whole Rey Mary Sue thing just keeps twigging me (and not just because the whole bullshit, sexist concept of the Mary Sue knots my knickers like nothing else)
Because while this fuckboy opinion is probably motivated from dudes being, well, fuckboys, it may also be mired in them being MEN.
Because like, I and every single female friend I have walked out of Star Wars with absolutely zero doubts that Rey had earned every inch of her scrappy, badass survivor mantle. It wasn’t until dudes online started whinging about the “believability” of it that I even contemplated the issue.
So now, three viewings in, the second two spent ACTIVELY SEARCHING for signs that Rey may have suffered New Powers as the Plot Demands I have this to say:
The moment the film opened on Rey - a young woman living and operating ALONE on a world in which literal survival depends on who can scavenge AND EXCHANGE the most goods for food rations, I’d wager every single woman in the audience went, “Holy shit, this girl is capable as fuck.”
We didn’t even need to see her owning the thugs trying to steal BB-8 to know she could handle herself physically. We looked at her environment, her position in that environment, and we knew that to be where she was - just to have lived as long as she had - she had to know how to fight like whoa.
Because here’s the thing: woman don’t walk through life the way men do. Just living in our world is dangerous enough for a woman - to grow up young, alone and female on a world that would brawl over scraps and sell anything that wasn’t pinned down? That’s fucking terrifying.
Women look at Rey at the beginning of TFA and see every single hard-won year of survival. Every year of losing to fellow scavengers stealing her take before she could trade it. Every year she had to not become the very thing they were trading. Every year she was an easy target. And we see every year she had to fight to make sure she wasn’t one anymore.
That had to take guts, not to mention a healthy aptitude for combat and weapons training. The ability to pick up languages and social niceties on the fly would have been essential because my enemies enemy and all that.
Every single “unrealistic” ability these dudes are wanking on about was obvious as fuck to me within the first fifteen minutes of the movie.
So welcome to the party, boys - this is what it feels like to have to identify with someone outside of your own experience. And hey, who knows, if you take the time to ask why Rey was so capable instead of whining about it, you may just learn something.
I don’t doubt she could fight, speak droid, speak cookie, shoot, or use the force but how the hell does she know how to fix a fucking hyperdrive? I don’t think it makes her a Mary sue or whatever but it is bad writing. when characters have unexplainable abilities for the sake of making the film run more smoothly, it’s bad. I think it’s easy to go in the defensive when men criticise Rey because I do think a lot of it comes from a place of fear and sexism, but taking an unbiased, logical look at her abilities and realizing they may be slightly overblown isn’t sexist. It’s analytical. still, i’d rather see a female character whose overqualified as opposed to a weakling who needs a man to save her every 5 minutes.
How the hell does she know how to fix a fucking hyperdrive?
She… lives on a planet littered with the remains of the galactic war? Remains that include (as shown in the movie) Imperial Star Destroyers and other ships capable of hyperdrive? Remains that she has to scavenge for survival? Remains filled with parts that she’d have to know the function of in order to evaluate their trade worth?? And you don’t think she’s picked up any working knowledge of complex starship engineering in the years she’s done nothing but crawl around inside literal complex starship engineering???
?????????
Even my idiot brother picked up on the fact that Rey could fix ships because she dismantles them for a living. It’s… kind of obvious.
The only thing that gave me pause was how seemingly easy it was for Rey to use the force, having had no prior experience. Especially given that apparently it’s impossible for individuals to uncover latent abilities without training, going by the fact that if there are no active Jedi, everybody thinks the force is some kind of myth.
However, there are two points that can explain this. First, Rey was under extreme duress. Think of it like how mothers get super strength and are able to lift cars if their children are trapped underneath. The rush of adrenaline and self-preservation instincts allowed her to tap into this hidden ability.
Now maybe that alone isn’t enough. Surely Rey has been under extreme duress before, given her back story, and surely other individuals who are force sensitive have been in difficult situations without their powers manifesting. But my second, and most important, point is the fact that Rey had the force being used on her. She was on the receiving end and knew how it felt. From there, she just took what was being used on her, flipped it around and pushed it back.
So, in short, Rey’s prodigy-like manipulation of the force is not some Mary Sue special snowflake situation, it’s merely a demonstration of how humankind’s ability to dig deep and use everything available to them when their life is in danger is how they managed to survive this long in the first place.
“The streaming service announced Sunday at the Television Critics Association’s winter press tour that the Marvel drama will return for a second season.”
No details on when–and with the filming schedule of the other Netflix/Marvel series, it’s possible it won’t be soon, and even possible it won’t be until after The Defenders crossover series gets filmed. But it is happening!
Zeus:
Don’t fight Zeus. You’ll only end up sleeping with him. On second thought, do fight Zeus.
Hera:
Look, I’m not saying anyone is really going to try to stop you, but I am saying she is petty as shit and will dedicate the rest of your life to destroying you in other ways. Your call.
Poseidon:
You could probably fight Poseidon. Dude is built like a brick shithouse but he’d think it was a good time and buy you a beer afterwards.
Demeter:
Are you fucking kidding? She created a new season the last time someone really pissed her off. Do not fucking fight Demeter.
Hades:
Fight Hades, but only in spring, and then ask to see pictures of his dog.
Hestia:
Are you Satan
Aphrodite:
Arguably the lowest reward to risk ratio on this list. What is even the point here. Might as well save us all some time and punch yourself in the groin.
Athena:
If you must, a sneak attack is required, and even then you’re still probably boned. Alternately, distract her first with statements such as “Mozart is an overrated hack” and “Garfield is not funny.”
Hephaestus:
You could beat Hephaestus. You could not beat Hephaestus’ robot army. Do not fight Hephaestus.
Ares:
Absolutely fight Ares. This is a no-brainer. Literally everyone wants you to kick Ares’ ass including Ares. You might feel bad when he starts crying but only if you are weak.
Artemis:
Do not fight Artemis. Do not talk to Artemis. Do not look at Artemis. Do not think about Artemis.
Apollo:
What did I just fucking say
Hermes:
You could beat him if you could catch him, but you can’t, and even if you did, he would convince you to talk it out instead, buy you a drink, and be gone before you noticed your wallet was missing. Avoid.
Dionysus:
Dionysus is an easy fight until he decides not to be. You could fight Dionysus but under no circumstances force him to give a shit.
Persephone:
Don’t fight Persephone. She will beat you up. Her mom will beat you up. Her husband will probably also be unpleasant and disapproving in some way. Listen to trash pop with Persephone instead.
Hebe:
Idk man, she bites.
Iris:
Yo have you ever tried to punch a rainbow?
Heracles:
Dude has seen some shit. You may think you’re bad enough but you really aren’t. There is literally no way this could end well for you. Do not fight Heracles.
It’s so fucked when you lose your glasses like you need them to see so how are you supposed to look for them cause you can’t see shit
you do realize that people don’t turn blind when they don’t have glasses on right? Everything is just a little blurry
Yes thank you I’ve been wearing glasses for 10 years I know how it is when I can’t find mine which is why I made this post
Try having -9.75 prescriptions. I cannot see past my nose without glasses/contacts. It’s not just a little blurry at alllll.
Backup glasses in every room!
Excuse u idk about u but I for one am not made of money
Besides, even just ‘a little bit blurry’ can be enough to prevent you from seeing your glasses even when they’re right in plain sight, especially if your frames are not an eye-catching colour.
I have three pairs of glasses - the current up-to-date prescription set which I wear everyday, the ones I had before that which are now my spares, which are kept in a glasses case in a very specific spot in my bedroom (and I mean specific down to the inch), and the pair I had before that from several years ago which have been through the wars, which I keep in a brightly coloured case in my handbag. That way, no matter where I lose my glasses, I can either go to my bedroom and find the ‘proper’ spares by feel, or else find the bright splash of colour in my bag, take out my ‘okay they’ll get me home without being run over by a car’ spares and get home to my spares. And if something happens to the ‘they’ll do’ spares while I’m out, it’s no huge financial loss.
I straight-up got glasses with flashy blue inlay on the sides this time around because they’re easier to find than my preferred black frames. Without my glasses, yes, I can still technically see, but not well enough to do anything, CERTAINLY not search around for my glasses.
Newfoundlands have water resistant fur and webbed feet
Dachshunds were originally bred for fighting badgers
More than 5,000,000 puppies are born in the U.S. every year
i’m glad i made this post
Skilled sheep dogs can separate a sheep from the heard by just looking at it, not even moving.
Three dogs survived the sinking of the Titanic, two Pomeranians and one Pekingese
Poodles are not French by origin. They’re German dogs, but French nobility quickly became fascinated by these pooches
i’m so glad i made this post
Greyhounds are the only breed mentioned by name in the Bible.
When you pet a dog, both you and the dog experience a release of oxytocin. Petting dogs objectively makes you both happier
Dog’s nose prints are just as unique as human finger prints !
Corgis were bred for herding cows.
Dogs’ eyes contain a special membrane, called the tapetum lucidum, which allows them to see in the dark.
Kangal dogs guard flocks (other dogs do the actual herding) and don’t have to be trained because they pass the knowledge down through generations. They will take up advantageous lookout positions, rotate watches, patrol the perimeter, and use a special bark to summon the other dogs and form a wall to drive off an encroaching bear.
Huskies, especially Siberians, will travel in a circle around humans, dogs and other animals to protect them from predators. The radius is usually large enough that they can find threats and chase them off before they even return to your line of sight. They will also chase bears and aren’t always smart enough to stop chasing them.
You can lift a Scottish Terrier up by the tail (but they probably won’t like it.) They were bred to hunt rodents, and sometimes got stuck in the rodent’s holes in the ground so you had to get them out by pulling them by the tail. Also they can’t really swim because their head weighs too much in comparison to the rest of their body.
Teddy Roosevelt’s dog, Pete, ripped a French ambassador’s pants off at the White House
Basset hounds were intentionally bred to have short legs so that when used for hunting/tracking game, their pace would be slow enough for hunters to be able to follow on foot.
I am a happy
Westies were bred to be white after a nobleman accidentally shot his favorite dog while hunting. This way they are easier to distinguish from prey.
Labrador retrievers of any color-brown, black, or yellow- can throw any color in a litter regardless of the color of the parents.
The white tipped tail on basset hounds was deliberate so that hunters could spot them when they were in the brush.
Shiba Inu’s name translated directly to “firewood dog”
For those of you who don’t already know, there is a petition going around to actually stock binders in stores (like Walmart/Kmart/Target etc.)!!!
ALSO, people who don’t bind. Please, can I have your attention?
Here is your chance to exercise your allyship. Sign this petition. It can be very, very difficult for people who bind to get access to effective binders. They often resort to harmful things (like tape) that can break their ribs or suffocate them.
Please, sign the petition. You will be saving someone from immeasurable pain.
ONLY 560 TO GO
I don’t know what the 560 above refers to but right now the petition is still looking for 63,000 signatures. Don’t assume they’ve almost hit quota and thus don’t need your help :)
This addition is important because assuming that was exactly what I did do
Howling Commando Era pranks please because the Army takes that sort of shit seriously and since Steve is so very eager to fit in with the rest of the guys obviously the best thing to do is to include him in the neverending circle of pranks that get pulled both on themselves and others (mostly others)
For your consideration:
Gabe and Morita shaving off one of Dugan’s eyebrows while he sleeps. The next morning Bucky making him shave off the other so he’s still in uniform
Apple pie-ing Steve’s bed. It’s hilarious watching most half asleep/drunk guys try and get into a short turned down bed, but they forget that Steve is a tiny bit stronger than most guys and he just puts his legs right through the sheets. Everyone gets laundry duty the next day, but nobody tells Steve why.
That time the river froze over and Dernier thought it would be fun to drive a General’s car onto the ice and tie it underneath a bridge. It might still be hanging there come spring, which is credit to his knot skills.
Also the time they dismantle a famous bridge to see how it is made and then somehow ended up with a few spare parts after putting it back together again. They then blame the Paras
Dugan might have also stolen a plane from the RAF and proceed to send postcards from every city they visit in it
Steve once got them all very drunk and recruited some of his USO friends to stage a well-needed makeover, thus starting the rumor of that one time the Howlies turned up to parade in stockings and red lipstick.
The sucessful mission off the coast of France in which they were in a submarine and fooled a German U-boat into thinking they were a fishing freighter full of drunks by singing loud showtunes over the radio
An assortment of increasingly disgusting and tasteless ‘drinking’ games involving various bodily fluids that ultimately ends with Bucky and Peggy threatening to shoot every last one of them because Steve is a punk who never backs down and no they aren’t playing freckles they are all vile and unhygienic.
An Admiral betting Steve a whole month’s rations of rum that he can’t pick up a tank. Steve can absolutely pick up a tank, and he proves it by putting it on top of his jeep.
There is also that time when the allies drop fake wooden bombs on fake German airbases, which is how Falsworth reveals he’s actually a damn fine whittler and they start leaving carved wooden dicks behind in the bases that they raid.
Steve doesn’t know how they do it, but every single time they arrive in a new base or hideout or fucking foxhole in the ass end of europe, someone always finds the time to cover the shithouse with pages from Captain America comics
Bucky Bear. No matter how many times Bucky tries to throw it away, set it on fire or use it as a weapon to smother a HYDRA operative, somehow the fluffy little fucker always makes its way back into his gear
It is also worth noting that no matter who they prank, one rule stays firm; no one fucks with Peggy. It’s not that they think she can’t take it because she is a woman, it’s because she went to an all girls boarding school and they play fucking hardcore pranks
No offense but if Star Wars Episode VIII was nothing more than 3 hours of Poe flying around to different planets and showing Rey and Finn all the wonders of the universe, all the food and drink and fun they missed out on, with BB-8 and Chewie makig noises in the background, and an occasional cut to a shot of Captain Phasma with her helmet off lifting weights, I would be perfectly happy
As with any organization, the Resistance found it necessary to produce training holovids on a variety of topics, from basic demonstrations of the use of important equipment to more nuanced vids on cultural or personnel issues. They were a small force, but tended to be somewhat geographically scattered by necessity, and it saved a lot of time to have a small collection of introductory holovids to show new recruits to get them quickly up to speed.
The most entertaining holovid, however, was widely held to be this one.
DEALING WITH YOUR INEVITABLE CRUSH ON POE DAMERON
The title music swells, epic and orchestral, over a black screen. Fade in: a photo, taken outdoors, head and shoulders, of Poe Dameron, squinting slightly into the sun, jaw set in determination. His hair is tousled and he is in a flight suit and leather jacket, ruggedly attractive.
Another flourish of music, and the title pops bright white text over a black screen:
DEALING WITH YOUR INEVITABLE CRUSH ON POE DAMERON
Fade to footage of Poe Dameron, in a sleeveless tight undershirt smudged with grease and worn-thin trousers that fit very flatteringly behind, bending over to demonstrate how to use a new system of tie-downs to secure equipment such as small spacecraft in inclement weather. His hair is a little too long and falls across his forehead; he habitually shakes his head a little to keep it away from his eyes, in a charming gesture, and he frequently looks to the camera for guidance, which gives him an appealing, almost supplicant aspect, especially since he frequently smiles at the cameraman.
Voiceover (male, smooth, cultured, the same one who narrates most of the rest of the instructional holovids the Resistance produces): “It’s not a question of if, but when. It’s a natural part of joining the Resistance. Everyone says, oh, it won’t happen to me, I’m immune to that sort of thing. But everyone in the Resistance eventually ends up with a crush on Poe Dameron.”
Cut to head-and-shoulders shot of a middle-aged mechanic, female, in work attire, clearly in a spacecraft hangar, holding a wrench in one hand. There’s a label at the bottom of the screen: Yana, Mechanic. Below that it says, He Remembers Her Name. “You may think you’re immune to his looks,” she says, “but then he remembers your name after only having met you once, and claps you on the shoulder, and calls you ‘buddy’ and smiles at you.” She sighed. “And it only gets worse from there.”
Quick cut to a shot, zoomed in from a distance, of Poe Dameron standing on the ladder to the cockpit of his X-Wing. It is a video; he is watching someone offscreen do something, the wind gently ruffling his tousled hair and his helmet under one arm. His mouth is slightly open; after a moment he licks his lower lip, then grins, like he’s about to speak.
Meanwhile, voiceover:
“Don’t be alarmed. These are natural feelings. Take comfort in the fact that you aren’t alone. And you can console yourself in the knowledge that he has this effect on everyone.”
Cut to head and shoulders shot of a young pilot, female, dark-haired; she is attractively dressed and made-up, but wearing her flight suit. The label at the bottom of the screen says Jessika Pava, Pilot, and is subtitled, He Has Saved Her Life About 100 Times. “It’s not his fault,” she says. “That’s the thing you have to keep in mind. He’s really like that. He’s really actually nice to people. He’s completely sincere.”
A still shot fills the screen: Poe Dameron, very young, aged perhaps sixteen or seventeen. He is standing on a table, possibly dancing, shirtless, wearing New Republic Academy uniform trousers and suspenders. The suspenders are slipping down his shoulders, and he has his head tipped back and is provocatively mock-fellating a bottle clearly labeled “Corellian Death Rum” while staring seductively into the camera. He is clearly intoxicated.
Meanwhile, voiceover:
“Methods of coping with this affliction vary by individual. Some people pretend they don’t feel it. Others give themselves over to it. A few daring individuals have tried to actually go for it. But it seems that despite a wild youth, Poe has settled into a reasonably responsible adulthood. It is not recommended that you pursue him aggressively.”
Cut, footage of a very attractive blonde woman in her early thirties, in a New Republican Starfleet uniform. She is labeled Garella Unaeron, and subtitled Shared Single, Memorable Wild Night Of Passion. “I just broke into his quarters and got naked and lay in his bed until he showed up,” she says, looking smug. “It went well for me, but I mean, we were also like eighteen. So. I don’t imagine that’d go as well now he’s defected to the Resistance.” She tosses her hair, clearly taking a moment to remember. “But I mean, if you go for it,” she went on, “much as I loathe his politics, I gotta say, he’s really great in the sack. I don’t imagine he’s lost the knack, it’s not the kind of thing you get worse at with practice.” Suddenly her expression changes, twisting into suspicion. “Wait, who did you say you were again?” The camera jerks and the footage ends abruptly.
The next shot is a craggily-handsome man in his late thirties, with a scar down one cheekbone that speaks of a life of action. He is labeled Naeher Adamant, and subtitled Had Actual Grown-Up Sexual Relationship. “A gentleman never kisses and tells,” he says, unsmiling, but he looks pleased nonetheless, or perhaps fond. “I can tell you, though, that Dameron is never other than entirely genuine. There’s no need to play games.”
Another cut, another interview subject, head and shoulders of a shiny-polished droid. Titled CR-31T, Mechanic, and subtitled He Is Really That Nice All The Time. “I’ve never worked with any other human who went so out of his way to make sure I understood that he considered me a person, on par with a biological organism,” the droid said, a little shyly. “It’s not— I don’t mind, you know, I know what I am, but he’s just— he’s so nice.”
Cut to footage of Poe Dameron, dressed in his flight suit, clearly training footage of some kind as he is watching someone offscreen and gesturing a little hesitantly to parts of his gear, as if in demonstration. He is apparently a little bored with making training videos, however, and is making amusing faces at the offscreen person, exaggerated expressions of wide-eyed wonder and grimacing trepidation.
Meanwhile, voiceover:
“So when you find yourself suffused with inappropriate feelings for this particular individual, just remember, you’re not alone. Speak to your counselor about what coping method is best for you. And above all, don’t make it weird: we’re relying on him, and his possibly-unholy combination of dashing charm and uncanny good luck. Try to use your misplaced erotic energy wisely.”
The music swells again, and the scene cuts to another video of Poe, zoomed in on him from quite a distance; he is outdoors, watching something at a distance with a vacant half-smile. The wind, again, ruffles his hair slightly, attractively, and he laughs silently, eyes crinkling up fetchingly. The title rolls up the screen again:
DEALING WITH YOUR INEVITABLE CRUSH ON POE DAMERON
As the scene fades to black, the title is the last thing visible, then winks out as well.
____
This is part of a longer thing that’s not really coming together yet but I promise it will. @artgroves and I are working together on it and I am more excited than I can even express.
I am crying. Try to use your misplaced erotic energy wisely.
Like, if no ones gonna read it, you should still write it.
If no ones gonna see it, you should still do it.
If no ones gonna hear you, you should still say it.
You’re not measured by how people react to you.
You’re not measured by how people react to you.
Sometimes it’s so hard to remember that I am a whole person with inherent worth in and of myself, and that my worth does not only exist when people reflect it back on me
Sorcerer’s Stones: 76,944 Chamber of Secrets: 85,141 Prisoner of Azkaban: 107,253 Goblet of Fire: 190,637 Order of the Phoenix: 257,045 Half-Blood Prince: 168,923 Deathly Hallows: 198,227
Word count in the LOTR Series:
The Hobbit: 95,022 Fellowship of the Ring: 177,227 Two Towers: 143,436 Return of the King: 134,462
Molly Weasley having so many grandchildren that the kids start stand in specific formations to spell bad words with their sweaters in the Christmas photos
Molly Weasley’s children and their spouses specifically picking out baby names that start with certain letters so that they can stand in specific formations to spell bad words with their sweaters in the Christmas photos
I’m probably way late to the party in posting this, but I thought it was such good commentary.
If some art house director made a movie about, say, the
malaise-inflected ill behavior of the fading gentry by filming nearly
500 hours of footage of actors banging around an Italian mansion and
then sculpting it into a movie in edits, that this would be considered a
major artistic achievement would be inarguable. Doubly so if the
finished product managed to tell a moving story with minimal dialogue,
with most emotion being conveyed through blocking and meaningful glances
between actors. It would be a triumph of cinema, a profound statement
on what movies have to offer the art of storytelling that theater and
novels cannot provide.
Well, that is exactly what “Mad Max” is, even if it pulls the stunt off
with car chases and cartoonish violence, instead of gazing out of
windows while the music subtly swells in the background. The fact that
it’s such a fun movie shouldn’t distract from the fact that
it’s also an artistic experiment toying with how to use the tools of
film-making to tell a story in an entirely different way than we’re used
to.
C’mon, Academy, Oscars for George AND Margaret please! And for all the other MMFR nominees, too!
“Mad Max” is more than just a really good movie. It’s also a wildly innovative movie, one that plays with the very idea of filmmaking itself. The director, George Miller, tore up the book on how to make a movie, taking huge risks in doing so, and ended up making the movie that people could not stop talking about this year.“
- The reason you get extra hungry before and during your period is because your body is physically burning more calories, sometimes as many as 300 more per day for the duration of your period, with an elevated BMR (base metabolic rate) in the days before it starts. So no, you’re not being weird or gross or undisciplined if you want to eat a bunch of chocolate - your body is just burning the same amount of calories you’d expend in 25 minutes on a crosstrainer to shed your uterine lining.
- This is especially important to remember if you’re already, for whatever reason, eating fewer calories per day than it takes to maintain your current weight, which is about 2000 for an adult, though it can be dangerous to have much less than 1300 per day. Think of it like this: if you’re eating 1600 calories a day out of a potential healthy 2000, and your body suddenly wants an extra 300, you’re not craving 1900, but 2300, which is the difference between wanting a chocolate bar and a slice of toast, and wanting an entire extra meal. So, I say again: DO NOT feel bad about wanting to eat more during your period. Your body is working hard, and needs fuel!
- Paradoxically, despite the rate at which you’re burning calories, you’re also retaining water, which can make you both feel and weigh as heavier. Speaking personally, I’ve noticed my weight fluctuate by as much two kilos (4.5 pounds) before and after a period, rising before and during, then dropping sharply afterwards. So if you’re struggling with body image or weight issues, this is a suboptimal time at which to get on the scales: the result you’ll get will only reflect a temporary reality, not your actual progress, and is therefore unhelpful.
- If, for whatever reason, you’re self-conscious about easing your cramps with a hot water bottle where other people can see it, whether at home or work, consider using a plastic soft drink bottle filled with hot/boiling water. Even if you put it openly on your lap, instead of tucking it under a shirt or into a front hoodie pocket, it will just look like a regular bottle of water, and any relief is better than none!
- No, it’s not weird if you shit more during your period than usual, either. The hormones your body releases that make your uterus to contract and release sometimes end up in the bowel, particularly if you happen to produce a lot of them, which means that bowel contracts and releases, too.
- If anyone tries to make a dumbass sexist joke about your being more [insert stereotypically negative feminine quality here] while on your period, you can tell them that actually, menstruation raises testosterone levels, not oestrogen. (Telling them to go fuck themselves with an angry cactus can also be therapeutic.)
- The cramps and lower back pain often experienced during menstruation, when the uterus expels its contents and your hips shift slightly wider to accommodate it, are a microcosm of what happens during actual labour. So yeah: it can hurt!
- That being said, we’ve culturally accepted the idea of massive period pain as normative to such an extent that many people don’t realise their pain is a sign that something’s wrong. Despite how common they are, a lot of conditions like PCOS and endometriosis are poorly understood in terms of their etiology, which means it can be hard to get an accurate diagnosis. But if your periods regularly have you screaming, vomiting or totally incapacitated, get checked out: you shouldn’t have to just shut up and endure because it’s ‘meant’ to feel like that. It’s not, and there are ways to manage it.
- As well as being a form of birth control, you can take the pill to control or stop your period. When used to prevent menstruation, the pill tricks the body into thinking you’re already pregnant, which stalls your cycle (and stops you from actually getting pregnant). Though some people worry that it’s unnatural not to menstruate for long periods of time, or for your body to ‘feel’ pregnant for so long, it’s also important to remember that, after an actual pregnancy, especially if you breastfeed, your period won’t resume right away. This is called
lactational amenorrhea, which can work as a form (though not, I hasten to add, a 100% reliable form) of natural birth control. Basically, it means your body is focussed on producing milk for an existing child, such that you can’t easily conceive another one until the first child is weaned. While this varies from person to person, the important thing to remember is that there’s ample biological precedent for stopping menstruation for long periods of time whether you’re pregnant or not, and that choosing to do so via the pill doesn’t make you unnatural, nor does it cause your body to do something it otherwise wouldn’t or couldn’t.
In conclusion: periods suck, but knowing how and why they work and how best to manage them can make them suck slightly less. So go ye forth, and be educated!
