Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win

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March 2016

shegufta:

Since St. Valentine was also the patron saint of the plague, let’s celebrate this year’s Valentine’s Day by VACCINATING YOUR FUCKING CHILDREN

Mar 23, 2016 90,147 notes
Mar 23, 2016 206,083 notes
Mar 23, 2016 12,554 notes
#discworld #Terry Pratchett
Mar 23, 2016 37,450 notes

thoodleoo:

honestly one of my favorite things to do is find evidence of historical figures possibly being queer and then shove it in the face of homophobic historians bc i’m a petty bisexual ass. like look buddy if you’ve even read sappho’s poetry once you’ll see that she definitely liked women and hey even plato claimed that achilles was doin the diddle with a dude. alexander the great? more like alexander the gay cause he and hephaestion were def making out. sorry i don’t make the rules, your historical fave is gay

Mar 23, 2016 2,470 notes
#history according to tumblr #yep #sappho was banging all of the ladies #there used to be ancient ship wars #not about whether achilles and patroclus were banging #about who topped WHILE achilles and patroclus were banging #alexander and hephaestion were sooooo gay

agent-jaselin:

adventures-in-fadewalking:

extremelyunlikely:

its-myst:

cm8x-insanity:

nukewolf:

sirdragneel:

artfulaveryhofferd:

strampunch:

fairytail-angel:

verityglasses:

combthecombel:

pokemon-chick-1personalblog:

strampunch:

mobians-and-emeralds:

coffeeandcursewords:

usedtobehmc:

jamesbleach:

onceuponakhaleesi:

luckydreaming:

Are fedoras really that bad?

YES YES THEY ARE

voidethered:

ask-omnipony:

I don’t really believe this mumbo jumbo

I mean it’s a goddamn hat.

Right..?

The white rose, it symbolizes the unique beauty of all the women who wish not to be with a nice guy such as myse-

I wonder if this works with other kinds of hat…

Nothing ventured, nothing gained…

WHEEEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE LIKE A BIG PIZZA PIE THAT’S AMORREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Men of Tumblr are my favorite kind of people…

wait, does that mean?

oh boy…….

Luckily, this nonsense doesn’t work on girls.

Observe…

This post is immaculate

It can’t be true.

And it can’t possibly work on motorcycle helmets.

I must test it.

Nothing happening so far…

HOLY SHIT IT WORKS

What in the world?

Oh why not? This should be interesting.

Here we go!

Were all mad here in Underland!

What the hell! Never Again!

… Actually …

One more time.

Alright, I gotta try this!

Can’t be that bad!




….

…oh my god…

ask-gmodsfmrocks:

LOL

This just gets better and better

This is one of my favourite things to look at

holy shit this stuff is back

Okay Clearly something is up.

Hmm… I wonder

I’m sure nothing could possibly…

HOLY SHIT

IT GOT BETTER

I HAVE BEEN SEARCHING SO LONG FOR THIS POST OH MY GOD!!!

I wonder what happens when you wear 8 of these at once…

we’ve reached the ultimatum

IT’S BACK ON MY DASH AND IT BECAME BETTER

I see this post every couple of months and it never ceases to make me laugh like a fucking dolphin

I’m laughing because this is just the tumblr version of that Bug bunny short where the hat truck crashes and Fudd and Bugs’ personality keeps changing based on the hat they are wearing.

Mar 23, 2016 2,514,067 notes
#i love it #wow i love everything about this

gaytectives:

gaytectives:

at work we have a family of three huskies who come in for daycare and everyone calls them “the mafia” it makes me so happy because occasionally out of nowhere someone over the radios will say “we’re sending in the mafia” and then three huskies barrel their way inside and usually slip and fall on the tile ajfjajg

the white one is zephyr but everyone calls him the godfather and his sisters follow him around everywhere and they’re a tiny gang which i love

Mar 23, 2016 385,499 notes
#puppies #puppy #dogs #i love dogs

robotmoxie:

secondhand embarrassment is pure agony and i wish a lot of comedy didnt rely on it

Mar 23, 2016 253,319 notes
whoa, these are some cute questions to ask me
  • 1. Who was the last person you held hands with?
  • 2. Are you outgoing or shy?
  • 3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?
  • 4. Are you easy to get along with?
  • 5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?
  • 6. What kind of people are you attracted to?
  • 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?
  • 8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?
  • 9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
  • 10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
  • 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?
  • 12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?
  • 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?
  • 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?
  • 15. What good thing happened this summer?
  • 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
  • 17. Do you think there is life on other planets?
  • 18. Do you still talk to your first crush?
  • 19. Do you like bubble baths?
  • 20. Do you like your neighbors?
  • 21. What are you bad habits?
  • 22. Where would you like to travel?
  • 23. Do you have trust issues?
  • 24. Favorite part of your daily routine?
  • 25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
  • 26. What do you do when you wake up?
  • 27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?
  • 28. Who are you most comfortable around?
  • 29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?
  • 30. Do you ever want to get married?
  • 31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?
  • 32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?
  • 33. Spell your name with your chin.
  • 34. Do you play sports? What sports?
  • 35. Would you rather live without TV or music?
  • 36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
  • 37. What do you say during awkward silences?
  • 38. Describe your dream girl/guy?
  • 39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?
  • 40. What do you want to do after high school?
  • 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
  • 42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?
  • 43. Do you smile at strangers?
  • 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?
  • 45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?
  • 46. What are you paranoid about?
  • 47. Have you ever been high?
  • 48. Have you ever been drunk?
  • 49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?
  • 50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?
  • 51. Ever wished you were someone else?
  • 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?
  • 53. Favourite makeup brand?
  • 54. Favourite store?
  • 55. Favourite blog?
  • 56. Favourite colour?
  • 57. Favourite food?
  • 58. Last thing you ate?
  • 59. First thing you ate this morning?
  • 60. Ever won a competition? For what?
  • 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?
  • 62. Been arrested? For what?
  • 63. Ever been in love?
  • 64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?
  • 65. Are you hungry right now?
  • 66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?
  • 67. Facebook or Twitter?
  • 68. Twitter or Tumblr?
  • 69. Are you watching tv right now?
  • 70. Names of your bestfriends?
  • 71. Craving something? What?
  • 72. What colour are your towels?
  • 72. How many pillows do you sleep with?
  • 73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
  • 74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?
  • 75. Favourite animal?
  • 76. What colour is your underwear?
  • 77. Chocolate or Vanilla?
  • 78. Favourite ice cream flavour?
  • 79. What colour shirt are you wearing?
  • 80. What colour pants?
  • 81. Favourite tv show?
  • 82. Favourite movie?
  • 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?
  • 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?
  • 85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?
  • 86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?
  • 87. First person you talked to today?
  • 88. Last person you talked to today?
  • 89. Name a person you hate?
  • 90. Name a person you love?
  • 91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?
  • 92. In a fight with someone?
  • 93. How many sweatpants do you have?
  • 94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?
  • 95. Last movie you watched?
  • 96. Favourite actress?
  • 97. Favourite actor?
  • 98. Do you tan a lot?
  • 99. Have any pets?
  • 100. How are you feeling?
  • 101. Do you type fast?
  • 102. Do you regret anything from your past?
  • 103. Can you spell well?
  • 104. Do you miss anyone from your past?
  • 105. Ever been to a bonfire party?
  • 106. Ever broken someone’s heart?
  • 107. Have you ever been on a horse?
  • 108. What should you be doing?
  • 109. Is something irritating you right now?
  • 110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?
  • 111. Do you have trust issues?
  • 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
  • 113. What was your childhood nickname?
  • 114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?
  • 115. Do you play the Wii?
  • 116. Are you listening to music right now?
  • 117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?
  • 118. Do you like Chinese food?
  • 119. Favourite book?
  • 120. Are you afraid of the dark?
  • 121. Are you mean?
  • 122. Is cheating ever okay?
  • 123. Can you keep white shoes clean?
  • 124. Do you believe in love at first sight?
  • 125. Do you believe in true love?
  • 126. Are you currently bored?
  • 127. What makes you happy?
  • 128. Would you change your name?
  • 129. What your zodiac sign?
  • 130. Do you like subway?
  • 131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
  • 132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?
  • 133. Favourite lyrics right now?
  • 134. Can you count to one million?
  • 135. Dumbest lie you ever told?
  • 136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?
  • 137. How tall are you?
  • 138. Curly or Straight hair?
  • 139. Brunette or Blonde?
  • 140. Summer or Winter?
  • 141. Night or Day?
  • 142. Favourite month?
  • 143. Are you a vegetarian?
  • 144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?
  • 145. Tea or Coffee?
  • 146. Was today a good day?
  • 147. Mars or Snickers?
  • 148. What’s your favourite quote?
  • 149. Do you believe in ghosts?
  • 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?
Mar 23, 2016 45,148 notes

idontevenswim:

notsuchasecret:

beggars-opera:

levianity:

thisarenotarealblog:

racetrak-higgins:

Getting friends in to musicals is hard because when they ask what it’s about you have to be like “15 year olds having sex” or “a plant from outer space that takes over the world” or “teenagers killing people for fun” or “Alexander Hamilton”

“7 minorities deal with crushing poverty and the looming specter of death by being a dick to their landlord”

“Sesame Street, but like… for adults”

“This one time in the 1830s a bunch of college students decided to fight the entire French government and…it didn’t go very well.”

“Argentinian gold digger teaches her country the joys of fascism.”

“Disfigured guy in the friendzone thinks his student owes him a relationship for teaching her how to sing.”

Mar 23, 2016 130,124 notes
#'it didn't go very well' #'IT DIDN'T GO VERY WELL' THEY SAY #I'D SAY IT DIDN'T GO VERY WELL #les mis
I legitimately think a good portion of the posts here are meant as humor, but the text receiver mistakes it as a serious thing. I don't think guys actually do this seriously. Right?

oh sweetie, i have some terrible news

Mar 23, 2016 3,076 notes
Mar 23, 2016 64,616 notes

ladytitanium:

my dream is to write a story that people like so much that they do fanart of it

Mar 23, 2016 174,746 notes
Mar 23, 2016 285,277 notes
#mythology
Why is the “historical realism” thing always rape?

kiriamaya:

roachpatrol:

jessicalprice:

animatedamerican:

drst:

darthmelyanna:

drst:

A couple weeks ago The Mary Sue announced they weren’t going to cover “Game of Thrones” any more after yet another female character being brutally raped. The thread is still being invaded by trolls periodically, and there are more than 12,000 comments on the article, which is a site record and probably an internet record. (12K comments because a single website said “We’re not going to recap or promote this show any more.” Baffling.)

Tons of trolls have thrown out the “but THINGS WERE JUST LIKE THAT BACK THEN!” argument ad nauseum. Which is total bullshit, of course. Now with the season finale of “Outlander” (which, spoiler, also included rape) the trolls are coming back.

I just want to ask, why is it whenever producers/directors/writers want to demonstrate “gritty historic realism” it’s ALWAYS RAPE? It’s always sexual violence toward women/girls.

You know what would be gritty historic realism? Dysentery. GoT has battles and armies marching all over the place. You want to show “what things were like back then”? Why aren’t we seeing 500 guys by the side of a road puking and shitting their guts out from drinking contaminated water while the rest of the army straggles along trying to keep going? Or a village getting wiped out by cholera? Or typhus, polio or plague epidemics? 

You want to show what it was like back then for women? Show a woman dying of sepsis from an infection she caught while giving birth. Show a woman coping with ruptured ovarian cysts with nobody know what it is. Breast cancer that the audience will recognize immediately but the characters think is some mark of the devil or some shit.

But no, it’s always rape. And we all know why that is. Because these douchecanoes that do this, though they’ll deny it, think rape is sexy. Because they can’t make a modern set story where women get raped in every god damned episode without being called monsters. So they use “but but historical realism!” to cover their sexism (see “Mad Men”) and misogyny. Then they tell us “That’s just how it was back then!” with the clear implication “Shut the fuck up bitch, because that could be you  and you should be thanking me that it’s not.”

Can we propose a rule for “realistic” historical fiction/fantasy? Twelve graphic cases of dysentery for every one graphic rape?

^^ I like this idea.

You know, they could deny that they find rape sexy, and they might even believe their own denials.  But the point is that they clearly don’t think of rape as something distasteful enough and disgusting enough to omit.

And you know what, I’m not even gonna insist on the dysentery.  Just this: if you’re going to include rape on the basis of historical accuracy, none of your female characters are allowed to have shaved legs or armpits.  And all of your characters have to have terrible teeth – yellowed and worn and crooked, because nobody’s getting braces or regular visits to the dentist – with at least a few teeth blackened or missing for every character over the age of thirty.

Of course, if your reaction to blackened teeth and hairy armpits is “ugh, no, sure it might be historically accurate but it’s gross, nobody’s going to want to watch that" and you don’t have the exact same reaction to rape, you might want to think about why that is.

Not to mention that some of the societies portrayed, or inspiring similar fantasy settings, actually had STRONGER protections against and consequences for rape than the ones we live in today. 

Accounts from Vikings’ contemporaries recount a lot of raiding, but not a single case of rape. Viking law didn’t treat rape as a property crime, and the penalty for it was outlawry, which was essentially a death sentence. Medieval English law prescribed that rapists be castrated and blinded. And the sagas contain vanishingly few references to rape (and violence against women is usually followed with comeuppance–often death–for the perpetrator). 

TL;DR: History wasn’t one giant rape-fest, and in fact, members of the cultures high fantasy is usually based on may have actually been more disapproving of rape than we are today (imagine trying to pass a bill making rape a capital offense today!). 

These writers include rape because they like writing about rape, not because history dictates it. 

brief quibble: poor people in pre-industrial societies had much better teeth than poor people today, because they didn’t eat or drink refined sugars, only fruit sugars and the occasional bit of honey. european peasants would have crooked teeth, by hollywood standards, but by and large white and healthy teeth, even into old age. peasant girls would have had very nice smiles. 

and very hairy armpits. 

While we’re at it, can we expand this rule to every “gritty”, “realistic” fiction thing? Because post-apocalyptic fiction does this exact nonsense too.

Mar 23, 2016 85,670 notes
#BOOM #FUCK YEAH #I LOVE EVERYONE IN THIS BAR #writing #this is the rule #you wanna include rape #you gotta include dysentry
Mar 23, 2016 156,203 notes
you know what’s probably more fun than playing chess? cheating at chess

idiopathicsmile:

“ohhh would you look at that, my pawns found jesus and now they’re all bishops”

“so i realize it looks like i’m putting a thimble on the board but actually my rooks have been using their downtime to build another rook, one that’s better, stronger, faster—”

“hey welcome back. while you left to get a snack, those six pieces you’d captured slipped their guards, tunneled to safety and emerged right in the middle of your royal palace.”

“oof, looks like you’ve got my king cornered…maybe this is a good time to mention that shortly before we started playing, my pawns and knights revolted and instituted a representative democracy. feel free to kill the puppet ruler that was the one remaining vestige of our tyranny, you cringing servant of the crown. vive la revolution!”

Mar 23, 2016 142,228 notes
#i love it #writing

leftclausewitz:

Let’s be real

people will accept you saying the word they in the singular form up until they know you’re talking about someone who’s trans or nb or intersex.  Like the number of times I’ve said they to my parents that I’m hanging out with someone and refer to them as them (I basically use it for most cases now) with them not raising an eye is incredible and I thought that they’d just accepted it.

But nah, I’m going out with my translady friend and I call them they and THAT’S when the jokes and the purposeful misunderstanding come in.

And I’ve seen this in dozens of other cases.  So let’s be honest: opposition to they/them pronouns has shit to do with grammar.  It’s entirely about policing people’s pronouns.

Mar 23, 2016 19,658 notes

janedoodles:

kelseyridge13:

jumpingjacktrash:

katrinageist:

When I explain cultural misappropriation to children, I use the example of The Nightmare Before Christmas.  

It’s effective because especially for children, who don’t have enough historical context to understand much of the concept, you can still fully grasp the idea.  

There was nothing wrong with Jack seeing the beauty and differences in Christmas town, it’s when he tried to take what is unique about Christmas town away from those it originally belonged to without understanding the full context of Christmas things is when everything went wrong.

When Jack tries to get the folk of Halloween town to make Christmas gifts for children, etc., children understand that the Halloween town folk do not have the full context for the objects they are making, and they are able to see that the direct repercussions and consequences are very harmful.

what i like about this is the implication that if jack had taken the time to understand christmas town, bringing christmas to halloween town would not have been harmful. that’s how it works, folks. cultural sharing is GOOD, it’s only misappropriation when it’s done in ignorance and disrespect.

There’s an interesting level here in that Jack tried to understand Christmas town. He could see the magic while he was there, and he did try to explain it that way to citizens of Halloween town.  But they weren’t interested in the kind of life he was describing, so he started “rebranding” Christmas so that it was not like Christmas but was like Halloween. The people of Halloween town, never having actually encountered Christmas, have no way of knowing that what they’re being told about Christmas and “Sandy Claws” is inaccurate. Jack also tried to study Christmas and its culture, though he couldn’t quite get it; eventually, he literally decides to take it for himself, even as he knows it’s not really for him.  He started out feeling sad the others in Halloween town didn’t ‘get it,’ but he then decided it’s not important to fully ‘get it’ but instead to have it.

So it’s not just accidentally removing things form their context; he has intentionally disregard the meaning of the rituals he purports to be recreating, making them more fun for the recreaters but not like what the rituals are supposed to be and without the related significance.

This is the best way to conceptualize the wrong way to share culture I have ever seen and I think I finally get where people are coming from when they talk about “cultural appropriation.”

Mar 23, 2016 152,136 notes

neeneeranae:

chevronstardust:

rabioheab:

internet jokes come and go but bad fanfiction is eternal 

you may even say bad fanfiction is

immortal

no

Mar 23, 2016 211,683 notes
#YOU HAD TO SEE IT COMING
Mar 23, 2016 185,683 notes
#majestic sea flap flap #majestic cuddly cthulhu
Mar 23, 2016 8,789 notes
#so #adler #once again i am the cranky dark-haired cynic and you are the buoyant optimistic blonde #deja fricking vu

pxlestine:

Stop Islam?! yeah, Stop Islam from being stereotyped and misunderstood by Islamophobic and ignorant racists.

Mar 23, 2016 6,142 notes
Mar 23, 2016 72,681 notes
#mad max #fury road #furiosa #max rockatansky #furiosa/max
How to be a Writer

dynastylnoire:

a-mahariels-travels:

Step 1: Hate everything you ever write ever.

Step 2: Keep writing.

The accuracy

Mar 23, 2016 90,828 notes

kafkamilktea:

Constant apologizing is a side effect of emotional abuse so don’t be a dick about someone who does that

Mar 23, 2016 450,218 notes

tea-and-liminality:

This is for all the unsung fic writers; the ones who don’t make the must-read lists, the ones who don’t get recced, the ones who don’t get hundreds of kudos, the rarepair writers out on the peripheries of fandom, the ones who toil away quietly for the handful of people who read and love them. You matter - you’re a writer too, and don’t you ever forget it. :)

Mar 23, 2016 43,217 notes
Mar 23, 2016 77,627 notes
#things my parents both really needed at some point #particularly my mom

lilbluestem:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

jumpingjacktrash:

howtocan:

Baby bird season is incoming and I’d like to remind everyone that birds do not have a significant sense of smell. Bird parents will not reject birdlets because you have handled them.

If you see smol birbs with few or no feathers on the ground, you can safely put them back into their nest, bird parents will still care for them.

If you see smol birbs with some or most feathers on the ground, please leave them there, as bird parents are probably nearby watching and feeding.

nakey bird = accidentally fell out, is cold and scared, put back in nest! if you can’t reach the nest, try to put it on a wide branch or fork so predators can’t get at it as easily.

scruffy feather bird = starting to try the fly thing, not very good at it. only put in nest/branch if predators abound, i.e. you have four outdoor cats and they’re licking their chops.

fluffy feather bird = smol fly guy! do nothing. can probably get away from predators and will flip its shit if you pick it up.

Reblogging this because I’d always heard the ‘Don’t touch a distressed bird its mom will reject it’ thing treated as fact before now, I didn’t realise it wasn’t true…

One addition: Birds of prey (even the tiny ones) do not hatch pink and naked, so if the bird is mostly fluffy with down, like a duckling, and does not have any “real feathers,” it is also helpless and needs to be returned to its nest or brought to a rehabilitator.

If you’re concerned about the safety of a fledgling bird, you can move it to cover (under a shrub or something). The parents will find it!

Mar 23, 2016 187,602 notes

dickrockerjanecrocker:

likesboyswholikeboys:

you can preach about slut-shaming all you want, but you can’t deny there’s something very wrong with 13 and 14-year old girls going out in skirts and dresses so short they barely cover their asses and shirts with necklines so low they show off cleave they haven’t got yet, drinking and even smoking and hooking up with guys before they even have a substantial knowledge of how sex and sexual relationships work.

Thank YOU

Mar 23, 2016 982,610 notes

itlukey:

my heart goes out to all the victims; the victims of the attacks on brussels, ankara, syria, paris and so many more places media doesn’t pay attention to, the people who will feel impact and so much islamphobia because of this, my heart goes out to the refugees who will get blamed

Mar 23, 2016 14,197 notes
Mar 23, 2016 22,663 notes
Mar 23, 2016 434,762 notes
#yeah #these would be great

useless-swedenfacts:

useless-swedenfacts:

my biggest pet peeve wiht the english language is that you don’t have sin/sina

in swedish if u have two people who use the same pronoun u can always tell whos doing what bc its like ‘han tog sin väska’ (he took his[own] bag) and ‘han tog hans väska’ would be that he took the other persons bag

but in english its like if u have 2 ppl w/ the same pronoun:

“she took her bag” whose bag????WHose BAG was it her OWN bag or the other her’s bag??????????????

“he ate his donuts” were the donuts his own???? did he fucking eat someone elses donuts??? YIU DONT KNOW bc english is a bullshit language 

its funny that people are calling this the gay fanfiction dilemma bc thats literally why i made this post. i was writing a gay fanfic. 

Mar 23, 2016 81,840 notes
#fanfic #linguistics
Mar 22, 2016 439,069 notes
Mar 22, 2016 56,554 notes
#star trek

blackfemalepresident:

blackfemalepresident:

i keep forgetting that i have lil 8th graders and freshmen following me

uhm

dont do drugs… stay in school… walk the dog… be critical of oppressive power structures… good kid

ever since i made this post alot of 8th graders have messaged me saying “ok i wont do drugs” and im glad im having an impact on the youth

Mar 22, 2016 417,305 notes
Cat Cat Cat! Purim is coming up soon. Can you tell us the Purim story, with swears?

oh my god, is this my thing now. OKAY, fair warning, this one’s gonna be… real long.

OKAY SO LIKE. way back in the waybackwhen, we’ve been kicked outta judea for the… first? second? first time. (we got kicked out of israel/judea a… few times. we got kicked out of spain twice, we got kicked out of the netherlands three times, we got kicked out of france and bavaria five times, we got kicked out of mainz in particular four times

god bless the gentiles honestly they’re god’s appointed travel agency. ANYWAY)

so we’re in persia. and we’re under the rule of king ahasueare– king ahahasay– king ahasueueueueue-

KING AHASARARUARAUAEREASS, who is having a Party

and king ahdahahaah has a wife, vashti, who is among the hottest women in the whole country.

king aheshhh, who is quite drunk at this point, is like VASHTI. VASHTI I WANT YOU TO COME OUT AND HAVE FUN AT THIS PARTY. I WANT YOU TO COME OUT AND DANCE FOR US AND WEAR YOUR CROWN

vashti is like ughhhhhhhh FINE

king aaaaaaahhahaha is like …ONLY YOUR CROWN

vashti is like …not fine

so, because this is ancient persia and men are terrible, vashti is promptly divorced and king aughjesus decides to hold the Country’s Biggest Beauty Contest, where the Most Beautiful Women in Persia will all audition to be his wife!!! (I TOLD YOU MEN WERE TERRIBLE)

MEANWHILE haman, a smug motherfucker with a three-pointed hat, is a councillor for the king. haman, because ancient persia does not have any kind of government that could be labeled “sensible”, makes a law that says Everyone In This Country Must Bow Down To Me When I Pass, because Reasons.

BUT, guess who does not bow down to people, you guessed right, it is the jews. chiefly and specifically in this instance an equally smug (but much less powerful) motherfucker by the name of mordecai.

haman passes mordecai, is like “you don’t look like you’re bowing??? that is not a bow shape??? exPLAIN.” mordecai is like “r u god? i don’t think yr god? i think god would have better taste in hats? so”

so haman is plotting like a motherfucker, which he is, and mordecai is Mad Afraid, but there is no time for plotting or fear because guess what it’s beauty contest time, motherfuckers

and guess who mordecai has enrolled in it, it is HIS NIECE, ESTHER

esther is hotter than vashti, but, like, in a chiller way. in my head, samira wiley. (in my head, esther is a lesbian. in my head esther is my girlfriend. right. ANYWAY)

king ahooleyhoo immediately picks esther, as she is the Most Beautiful Woman In A Ten Thousand Mile Radius (as are all jews OBVIOUSLY), and she is taken up into the palace to be the most beautiful and powerful woman in a ten thousand mile radius. and she is also mad smart, so

meanwhile haman has finished his Plotting and has resulted in this: he is going to get revenge against mordecai by Killing All The Jews.

“oh yeah,” say the jews. “real original.”

mordecai goes, well, coincidentally, i happen to have a niece who is the queen of persia. and ollies over like ESTHER? ESTHER HAMAN IS PLOTTING TO KILL US ALL. ALL THE JEWS. DO SOMETHING

esther is like, i have a solution to this. the solution involves getting naked.

so she holds a banquet for her husband the king, and at the banquet is like WOW… GOSH… I’M VERY NAKED… AT THIS BEAUTIFUL BANQUET. WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE A LOT OF SEX AND GOOD FOOD, DARLING HUSBAND

darling husband is like fuck yes, gets drunk as shit. esther is like okay. yes. now that you are full of good food and heavily sexed up, can i have a thing. can that thing be that you vow to protect me from anyone who wants to kill me

…sure, says king aheshehaara. sg.

great, says esther. havin a banquet tomorrow night too. be there or be square

king ajldfghfdghk;dfghufgsdoi has no desire to be square, so he comes to the banquet tomorrow night to find that esther has also invited… HAMAN? “well,” he thinks to himself, “i have never pictured this threesome before, but y’know, life is a rich tapestry”

but eventually esther goes “ah okay remember that promise to protect me from anyone who would kill me. what if i told you. i knew a dude who would do that thing”

“I WOULD SUPER KILL THAT DUDE,” says king ahassafrass, who has exactly 2 problem-solving methods

“great,” says esther. “what if i told you… THIS IS THE DUDE.” AND SHE POINTS AT THE DUDE. WHO IS HAMAN. WHO IS AT THE TABLE!!!

!!!!! says king ahahahahhfewsse.

!!!!!! says esther.

¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡ says haman.

so esther REVEALS SHE IS A JEW! and that haman is implicitly PLOTTING TO KILL HER! (“i didn’t– I WAS NOT AWARE,” says haman. “WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE FUCKING CHECKED THEN,” says esther. “OR WAIT. ANOTHER SOLUTION. IT’S DAWNING ON ME. AN EPIPHANY. YOU COULD NOT KILL PEOPLE”)

the king has haman hanged on the gallows on which he was planning to hang all the jews. and guess who is instituted as councillor in his place, that’s right, MORDECAI

who declares that the anniversary of Us Not Being Dead shall be celebrated every year forever with dressing up in costumes, and also that we shall eat little cookies shaped like haman’s hat, and also that whenever haman’s name is mentioned we will yell like hell

hey, says king aharseadslic. could, theoretically, this holiday include getting so drunk you can’t tell the difference between mordecai and haman

…i guess so, says mordecai

right, says king ahasuerus. carry on, haman

AND SO WE CONTINUE THESE TRADITIONS OF EATING COOKIES, WEARING COSTUMES, AND GETTIN SLOSHED, even SCATTERED ACROSS THE WORLD; and yes, i will be spending my thursday gettin drunk on my way to rome

so pour yrself a whiskey, put on a fake beard, and raise a glass: it’s purim 5776, and guess what, motherfuckers? 

you still ain’t managed to kill us yet.

Mar 22, 2016 8,198 notes
#OKAY #SO I AM NOT JEWISH ANYMORE #AND HAVE NOT BEEN FOR QUITE SOME YEARS #BUT I STILL HAVE TEACHERS TO MAKE PROUD AND HISTORY TO HONOR #AND PURIM IS STRAIGHT-UP ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS THAT HAS HAPPENED TO HUMANITY #POSSIBLY EVER #esther #religion #YEP #ALSO ESTHER IS MY FAVORITE BIBLICAL CHARACTER #THERE ARE NO QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS #SHE IS MY FAVORITE #FIERCE BRILLIANT SPARKLING QUEEN OF PERSIA #DRENCHED IN ROYAL CLOTHES AND SUNLIGHT #in other news i've been in love with esther since i was three #i am now nineteen #this does not look like it will change any time soon #judaism
“You have already left kudos here. :)”—YES FUCK YOU, I LIKE THIS CHAPTER TOO!!! (via carmillasleatherpants)
Mar 22, 2016 14,642 notes
Mar 22, 2016 1,354 notes
#WELL FUCK ME SIDEWAYS #THIS IS GREAT #FOLKLORE #FAIRY TALES #mythology #FUCK YEAH

breelandwalker:

pseudocoding:

onlyblackgirl:

jopara:

thepushyqueenofsluttown:

procrastinationasperformanceart:

Let me tell you about my panda mini-washer

As an apartment dweller, this is a game changer. My current apartment doesn’t have a laundry facility and the closest Laundromat about a 30 min bus ride which is just not practical. The mini-washer is a life saver

The panda mini washer hooks up to the sink, is incredibly lightweight (about 28 pounds, so light even I can lift it) and easy to use. 

It has a surprisingly large capacity. The basket from the first picture represents about one and a half loads. The jeans took up a whole load while the rest filled the bin only half way. 

Here’s the inside. The left is the washer the right is the spin dryer. Yes, it even drys.

Basically you shove your cloths into the washer, fill it up with water and let it go. I use my shower head to fill it up so it goes faster, the sink hook up took about five minutes to fill the whole tub, with the shower head is is down to a minute an a half. I do it in three wash cycles, a five minute rinse with baking soda, a five minute wash with soap and a three minute rinse with water. You have to drain and refill between each cycle so it’s a little more labor intensive than a traditional washer. 

That’s the spin dryer. It’s about half the capacity of the washer so one wash takes about two loads to dry. The spinner is much more effective than I was expecting. A three minute spin gets my cloths about 90% dry. I hang them up to air dry for that last 10%. 

The machine cost me about 150$. When you factor in two dollars for the bus, five for the machines (per week), the mini-washer pays for its self after only about six months worth of laundry. 

I’m not great at expressing emotion, but I’m hoping you can tell how excited I am.  Let me just say that the panda mini-washer is great and I highly recommend it to anyone currently using a Laundromat.  

OMG

@ all my nyc pendejas

Originally posted by larafernadez

Oh by the way, they have table top dishwashers that are pretty much the same thing:


This is one of the biggest technological breakthroughs for the everyday homeowner in the current decade: the realization that refrigerators aren’t the only things that can be miniaturized for better affordability and minimal space requirements.

Can you IMAGINE how this is going to change the lives of college students and apartment-dwellers? Or anyone with a lower income who can’t afford a place with “luxury” appliances like dishwashers and laundry machines?

There’s an even cheaper option called the Wonder Wash where you tumble the thing yourself and you’ll have to line-dry the clothes, but it apparently works very well.

Mar 22, 2016 441,573 notes
#how to adult

eeveelutionsforequality:

socialjusticeprincesses:

sacculetta:

eggheadcheesybird:

physicist-pi:

physicist-pi:

neuroatypically-speaking:

physicist-pi:

neuroatypically-speaking:

kipplekipple:

disableism:

kipplekipple:

Just a quick note on current UK political events:

They know they’re killing us. They have the numbers, they know we’re dying because of their cuts to disability spending.

They can say whatever they want, but they can’t claim they didn’t know.

They are killing us. They’re looking at the numbers of us dying because of their cuts, and they are introducing further cuts and further gatekeeping to prevent new applications from going through.

Don’t let anyone make you forget. They know they’re spilling our blood, and their response is to drive the knife in deeper.

“The UK has become the first country in the world to be placed under investigation by the United Nations for violating the human rights of people with disabilities amid fears that thousands may have died as a consequence of controversial welfare reforms and austerity-driven cuts to benefits and care budgets. - x

Thanks for adding a source!

If anyone has any other information on this, I’d love to see it. It’s something I plan to point out during my evaluations for work assistance, just in case they think I’m exaggerating when I tell them trying to hold a job would kill me. 

Give me about an hour to get onto desktop and I’ll get stuff. What sort of stuff do you want? People’s stories + the shitty things the Tories are doing?

Definitely people’s stories. Knowing more in depth who’s being turned away would likely help. These people are seriously going to reevaluate me after last year deciding I’d last been fit for work in 1996, and I just don’t trust them at all. (I was 10 in 1996, btw.)

Sadly a lot of it will be bad.
Another thing that happened was the much loathed “bedroom tax” which ended up hitting a lot of people with special requirements badly -I.e. one woman lost the reinforced panic room she got because her ex was violently stalking her and another lost their room of medical equipment because neither could afford the extra tax.

OK, here goes.

First, a news story from today regarding the latest budget, which is about a disability activist quitting the party.

The latest cuts will reduce the weighting given to the needs of getting dressed and using the toilet. Becuase of course they are not in any way important (!)

This article last February suggests that at least 49 suicides had occurred due to cuts.

In September 2014, a diabetic starved to death due to benefits cuts.

Here are some of the sanctions given to people in which their main source of income is cut off (ableist blog title though)

August 2015, reports of 1000s dying after being declared fit to work.

In July 2014, a DWP report found that the department was deliberately being confusing and not informing people of the hoops they were required to jump through with the aim of producing more sanctions.

Here is the actual DWP report on disabled people dying after their benefits were cut or revoked.

From August 2015, 80 people a month dying due to their benefits being cut. The DWP was forced to release these figures after a number of Freedom of Information requests.

Again from August 2015, BBC reported than 2300 people had died following a declaration of being fit to work.

From only a few days ago, the fact that more than half appealled fit to work assessments turn out to be wrong.

A woman whose son had died was badgered for bedroom tax for so long, given an eviction notice and hung herself.

Have a memorial page for those who have died due to welfare reform, complete with links to their stories.

The #IDSMurder hashtag on Twitter, filled with people telling their stories.

A 22-year old man with schizophrenia was found dead after being decleared fit to work.

A 67-year-old woman was declared to healthy for Sickness Benefits the day she died.

The DWP refused to reinstate the benefits of a disabled woman who is now reliant on food banks.

Partially blind woman commited suicide following benefits being cut.

Another woman also committed suicide within days of beiing declared “fit to work”.

Areas with the highest number of fit to work assessments also have the highest suicide rates.

And that’s just scratching the surface. 20 minutes research got me all that stuff.

You know there’s probably a party staffer who’s said the words “Thankfully posts about the US election’s all that’s really coming up on tumblr” so I dunno fuck that hypothetical person HERE’S WHAT’S UP WITH US!

Oh god, and I thought the US was getting bad…

It’s barbaric. This is not what a great country looks like. This is a country that has failed its most vulnerable citizens.
~ Mulan

The former petrol station worker from Northampton said: “It’s impossible to predict how long I’ve got left, but it has always been terminal. I have never been in remission and I never will be. But for some reason they are saying I can go back to work. They are saying I am not disabled enough.”

Ms Windle has to have an injection every two weeks to stop her tumour growing and has an operation every three months to put a stent between her kidney and bladder. 

[Source] 

It is as bad as you can imagine – and then worse.

– Jolteon

Mar 22, 2016 37,198 notes
Kiss kiss fall in

bace-jeleren:

bace-jeleren:

Debt

I made this joke without realizing this was literally the plot of Ouran High School

Mar 22, 2016 133,866 notes
#ouran #yeah basically
Mar 22, 2016 119,466 notes
#MIC DROP #accurate #so fucking accurate #fanfic
“EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS, STAYS HAPPENED.
“What kind of philosophy is that?”
THE ONLY ONE THAT WORKS.”
—Death
Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time
(via snipejaeg)
Mar 22, 2016 835 notes
#Terry Pratchett
“To whoever loves me next,
 
I’m sorry if I’m afraid of you
or if days of flirting turn to
radio silence, without warning.
I’m sorry if I make you say the words
over and over and over until I believe them.
(I’m sorry if I don’t believe them.)
I will probably spend more time
worrying about losing you than I spend
trying to keep you. Trouble is,
every single time I’ve ever thought
something was too good to be true–
I’ve been right.
Understand,
I will know how to be vulnerable with you,
but I won’t know how not to regret it.
And I have no idea how deep we’ll be
into this relationship before I admit
I’ve never done this before.
Not really.
Not in any way that counts.
Before I admit that I know
how to put my body inside someone else’s
but not how to make it beautiful.
I probably won’t be easy to love.
Too many people loved me badly,
I’m not sure I know how
to do it right.”
—TO WHOEVER LOVES ME NEXT by Ashe Vernon (via latenightcornerstore)
Mar 22, 2016 32,578 notes
#poetry #ashe vernon #poem
Mar 22, 2016 18,811 notes
Mar 22, 2016 609,913 notes

antwan-the-annon:

ookeles:

psA:
APRIL IS COMING UP SOON
PLEASE DONT BREAK UP W PEOPLE AS JOKES
DONT ASK PEOPLE OUT AS JOKES
IT FUCKIN SUCKS MAN
JUST RICKROLL THEM OR DRAW A DICK ON THEIR FOREHEAD WHILE THEY ASLEEP

also no screamers, epileptic inducing images, or fake messages of “insert person here” has died today on april 1, 2015.  Just be cool; not offensive or harmful, yah?

Mar 22, 2016 192,105 notes
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