Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win

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May 2016

butchlesbianlukeskywalker:

My fave piece of star wars discourse was in like 2010 when that picture of nat portman went around of her in the Stop Wars shirt stylized to look like star wars and some dude was all like fucking fake geek girl probably hasnt even seen the movie.

May 12, 2016 46,295 notes
#PFFFFFFT #star wars #I DID NOT KNOW THIS

the-positive-princess:

Do not apologize to me for your bad English. There is nothing to be sorry about for learning to speak English. It’s hard. You are trying your best and I’m proud of you.

May 12, 2016 71,638 notes

boazpriestly:

ticktockdearie:

concept: a TV show runs for a decent number of years. More than four. The characterizations stay consistent. The writers don’t do anything wildly inappropriate like excuse rape or abuse. No one you’ve invested hours upon hours of your life into has their story reduced to a “shocking” death scene that has no meaning beyond that shock value. The quality of the storylines don’t take a sudden, strange spiral downward. When it ends, you leave it feeling bittersweet. Sad that it’s over, but glad you got to experience it and take a journey with some people who you came to care about.

The show you’re looking for is called Leverage.

It is available on Netflix.

May 12, 2016 151,571 notes
#LEVERAGE #I LOVE LEVERAGE #WATCH LEVERAGE
Oh god I need to share this with the world

a-spork-with-feelings:

kewilom:

No words neeeded

May 12, 2016 354,394 notes
#this is terrible but also I AM D Y I N G #i love epic tales
what studying languages is like
  • latin: words like 'yes' and 'no' aren't important. memorize these 3000 different ways to talk about killing people though because you will use them
  • greek: hello naughty students it's participle time
  • egyptian: ancient pictionary
  • french: pronouncing every letter is for chumps
  • german: let's combine every other word together to create the U L T I M A T E F R A N K E N W O R D
  • mandarin: lol whats a verb tense
  • spanish: LOL WHAT ISN'T A VERB TENSE
May 12, 2016 121,233 notes
#linguistics

thegayteen:

manofmer:

thegayteen:

That vaguely flirtatious vibe you have with all your single gay friends

This is a real thing 

its this constant air of like “i’d be down if you were down but i’m not going to pursue it and neither are you so lets just lowkey flirt all the time”

May 12, 2016 71,959 notes

smitethepatriarchy:

bemusedlybespectacled:

sourcedumal:

lucyaudley:

smitethepatriarchy:

prokopetz:

It always gets me when MRAs bring up the draft as an example of discrimination against men. Yes, it’s true that no woman in America has ever been subject to conscription in times of war; however, being that the most recent draft was in 1973, most likely neither have you. If you get to drag up stuff that happened before you were born, so does everybody else - and I’m pretty sure the ladies are going to win that particular game of misery poker.

BAM.

Also, considering the draft was voted into law by Congress in 1940 but the first woman was elected to Congress in 1973, men only have themselves to blame. We didn’t decide the rules of the draft. They did.

welp

Actually, the first woman was elected to Congress in 1916 and was in office in 1940. Her name was Jeanette Rankin.

She was also a lifelong pacifist. She opposed every declaration of war bll that crossed her desk, and her vote was the only one against the proposal to go to war with Japan, because “As a woman I can’t go to war, and I refuse to send anyone else.”

The men in Congress demanded she changed her vote and she refused. She was attacked by an angry mob and maligned in the press.

BAM.

May 12, 2016 100,812 notes

vicioussuggestion:

am i bitter? yes. but do i try to move on and let go of past anger? well, actually, no

May 12, 2016 121,586 notes
May 12, 2016 562 notes
#hamilton
May 12, 2016 426,330 notes
May 12, 2016 489,491 notes

devipotato:

as a general rule if you see some “cool trick” on the internet that involves combining chlorine of any form (including bleach or tablets) with anything else, you shouldn’t do it because they are almost definitely trying to seriously hurt or kill people who don’t know any better. things like mixing bleach with other “household cleaning supplies” are especially huge red flags–it sounds harmless, but the chemicals in these things react to create extremely toxic gas, or worse

stuff like that almost universally comes from places like 4chan where it’s fun and cool to misinform people in the most dangerous possible ways, and it’s nothing short of evil that people use something as incredible as the internet to literally kill strangers for no reason

May 12, 2016 30,873 notes
May 12, 2016 2,599 notes
#leverage #hamilton
May 11, 2016 657,197 notes
May 11, 2016 49,014 notes
May 11, 2016 94,683 notes

dubiousculturalartifact:

alexandraya:

parentheticalaside:

Time has an interactive feature to discover what your name would be if you were born today, based on popularity of your birth year vs. now.

My name would be Mylah. With all apologies to anyone named Mylah, I am now very happy to be named not Mylah.

Okay, so the current name is cool and all, but in 1960 mine would have been Guadeloupe.

However, since this is based on popularity at time of Birth versus overall popularity at the time, in 1890 I would still have been my name, because my great grandmother was.

 If I was born in the 1930s I would have been ‘Trinidad’, which. Yikes.

Probably my favourite of the not-super-amazing options is the 1980s, with ‘Vera’. 

Weird coincidence: the main character in a story I’ve been working on for a while, is named Vera.

If I’d been born this year my name would be Ansley.  Which is far and away the best of the options.  Also, if I’d been born in the 1900s, my name would be ‘Dean.’  Okay.

May 11, 2016 131,110 notes

stele3:

get-your-ass-in-the-impala:

ofgeography:

actualginnyweasley:

i was at a grocery store really late one night and some old guy kind of eyed me as i walked out of the store next to this other lady. She and I made eye contact and i knew she was scared too. we loaded up our groceries into our cars as fast as possible and I had way more bags than her so she got done faster than me. I panicked because i was sure she was going to leave so i just hurried faster, shaking a little, and then i noticed she sat in her car, watching me and making sure nobody came near. She waited not until all my groceries were loaded, or until my cart was put away, or until I got into my car. No, she didn’t drive away until I drove away. 

And that was the moment that I realized how much women need other women. That we can’t win this war without each other and we have to be looking out for each other, every second. 

my last year in new york city, i got off the subway around 9 or 10p.m. i only lived about 5 blocks from the f train, but i hadn’t gotten more than two before a woman’s hand suddenly touched my arm. 

“that guy behind us is following you,” she said. “he was watching you leave the train car and followed you up.”

i hadn’t noticed him, or at least not noticed him following me. when we stopped outside a grocery store, he stopped half a block back and loitered. the woman linked her arm with mine and walked me several blocks out of her way to my front door and made sure i got inside safely.

another time, nocigar and i were walking home and at a stoplight a stranger grabbed my arm when i wouldn’t respond to him and tried to physically drag me over to him. she—who is, by the way, not a very physically imposing girl—ripped his hand off my arm and snarled, “don’t fucking touch her.”

protect your friends. protect strangers. there are good men in the world, but don’t wait for them to do something if you can do it yourself.

I was at a club once and my friend left with her boyfriend so I finished my drink and was heading out to the parking lot when three girls came up to me and basically surrounded me. 

“Those guys behind us were talking about following you. We can walk with you.” 

I have MMA training but have never in my life had been offered the protection and sanction of my own gender. This is so important. 

GIRL CODE. FUCKIN’ GIRL CODE. LEAVE NO GIRL BEHIND. EVER.

I have been the girl left behind, more than once, and it’s a nasty, nasty experience that will destroy your trust in people, even if you can take care of yourself.  I make it an absolute policy to never leave someone to the mercy of whatever shit is going down if I can help it.

May 11, 2016 1,349,478 notes
#GIRL CODE #DO NOT EVER LEAVE SOMEONE BEHIND BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU MIGHT BE WRONG #LISTEN TO ME #TRUST ME #IT IS BETTER TO BE EMBARRASSED AND WRONG #THAN TO LEAVE WRECKAGE IN YOUR WAKE BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T FACE THE THOUGHT OF IT #I CAN AND HAVE BEATEN ASS ON MY OWN BEHALF #AND ON THE BEHALF OF OTHERS #AND LET ME TELL YOU A THING #IT'S NOT ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT YOU //CAN// PROTECT YOURSELF #KNOWING THAT SOMEONE ABANDONED YOU TO A POSITION WHERE YOU NEEDED TO #WILL FUCK YOU RIGHT UP #god especially if it was an authority figure who was supposed to protect you #if i had a dollar for every teacher who did nothing #i could buy myself a VERY NICE DINNER and enough drinks to be well and truly plastered
May 11, 2016 70,053 notes
#PotC #captain jack sparrow
Okay Kink-related rant:

trapqueenkoopa:

I fucking hate it when kinksters do their shit in public.

When I say public, I mean the general public. Not ‘the public at a fetish con’, the regular ass walking down a street, out shopping, minding their own business, vanilla public.

Do not. Do that. Shit.

When you ‘express’ your kink in public, aka engage in public play, you’ve decided that you WANT observers. You want attention. Meaning that the attention of others is PART of your kink. Being seen, judged, observed, watched, etc. You’ve decided you want that from the public to satisfy your urge…

But the public never fucking consented to your play.

Those people didn’t sign up to watch you walk your slave on a leash down the street or see two dudes dressed like dogs sniff each other’s ass in a park or worse, spy your nipples and gonads and shit hanging out of strategically cut clothing.

It is absolutely fucking wrong to force people to be in on your kink and when you engage in public play that is what you are doing. That is not something you are entitled to. You do not have that right.

Aside from the fact that you have no idea whether or not your play is triggering to someone, they JUST DIDN’T CONSENT TO IT DUDE. Bottom line. I don’t care if they’re super chaste vanilla to the extreme or Mistress Sinfuck at nights and on weekends, if they didn’t consent to seeing your weird shit, they didn’t consent. 

Bottom line.

Fuck your fetish.

May 11, 2016 1,411 notes
you are a jerk

Generally I get ‘bitch,’ quality variation in insult there.  Then again, which of us is sending anon hate like a coward?

Love ya, dearie.

May 11, 2016 1 note
#yeah you know anon hate doesn't work great on someone who's used to being called an ice-cold cunt to her face #feel free to unfollow me if i'm too much of a jerk for your tastes #i reserve the right to be angry on my own blog #bye-bye now #anonymous #asked and answered
“The first duty of the novelist is to entertain. It is a moral duty. People who read your books are sick, sad, traveling, in the hospital waiting room while someone is dying. Books are written by the alone for the alone.”—Donna Tartt (via geeksofdoom)
May 11, 2016 1,195 notes

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

jumpingjacktrash:

howtocan:

Baby bird season is incoming and I’d like to remind everyone that birds do not have a significant sense of smell. Bird parents will not reject birdlets because you have handled them.

If you see smol birbs with few or no feathers on the ground, you can safely put them back into their nest, bird parents will still care for them.

If you see smol birbs with some or most feathers on the ground, please leave them there, as bird parents are probably nearby watching and feeding.

nakey bird = accidentally fell out, is cold and scared, put back in nest! if you can’t reach the nest, try to put it on a wide branch or fork so predators can’t get at it as easily.

scruffy feather bird = starting to try the fly thing, not very good at it. only put in nest/branch if predators abound, i.e. you have four outdoor cats and they’re licking their chops.

fluffy feather bird = smol fly guy! do nothing. can probably get away from predators and will flip its shit if you pick it up.

Reblogging this because I’d always heard the ‘Don’t touch a distressed bird its mom will reject it’ thing treated as fact before now, I didn’t realise it wasn’t true…

May 11, 2016 187,601 notes
Fuck, Marry, Get Drunk With. Send me 3 names.
May 11, 2016 247,003 notes

ohsosharky:

You don’t know me until you stayed up till 4 A.M with me

May 11, 2016 334,076 notes
#ORGO CHEM PICKUP LINES #AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE #bad pickup lines

So my time is running down to bitch about this writing class (I CAN SEE THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL, THE END OF THE YEAR IS SO CLOSE, GOD, I CAN PRACTICALLY TASTE FREEDOM) and I need to get some stuff off my chest here.  An open letter to my class under the cut for ranting and cursing and general miscellaneous bullshit.

Keep reading

May 11, 2016 10 notes
#adventures in college #writing #admin post #yeah actually i feel a lot better #sorry to have subjected you to this folks #moran is pissed
May 10, 2016 31,544 notes
#Ocean's Eleven #honestly nothing in the world is as tragic to me as the massive dearth of ocean's 11 fanfic #everything ships rusty/danny #and like #i'm desperate enough that it's not going to be my hill to die on #i'll read the rusty/danny fic #but i don't ACTUALLY LIKE THE SHIP #i'm just such a sucker for this...thing #two people who are soulmates in the most LITERAL VISCERAL SENSE #two halves of a spirit #sharing a soul #so that they don't even need words #their connection does all the talking #and i just really need THAT PLATONICALLY #adler #you get it right babe #like look adler is my soulmate she is so perfectly in sync with me we can have whole silent conversations #but i don't want to sleep with her #i'm love her with every fiber of my being but i'm not interested in her romantically #i would kill someone with my bare hands to protect her or make her happy #i would take a bullet without a moment's thought #i would burn down CITIES for her #but we're not together and we're never going to be together and we're REALLY ALL RIGHT WITH THAT #so if someone wanted to write me platonic rusty/danny fic #i would love you forever
May 10, 2016 147,799 notes
#lotr #that would be me though #LOOK IF YOU'RE WEARING ARMOR AND COMING AT ME #AND I HAVE AN AXE #YOU ARE GOING TO GET AXED IN THE FACE #in related news #i would make a PHENOMENAL dwarf
“You get hurt, hurt ‘em back. You get killed? Walk it off.”—Leia Organa, before the Battle of Hoth (via incorrectstarwarsquotes)
May 10, 2016 853 notes
#star wars #general leia #moran becomes a tremendous fan of general leia organa: news at eleven

ifreakinlovebooks:

alrightanakin:

Consider:

Instead of using that creepy ass quote Professor Sneep says about his obsession with his dead ex-friend as The Harry Potter Quote why don’t we use the one James Potter says to his son, whom he gave his life for, to comfort him as he walks to his death

“‘You’ll stay with me?’
‘Until the very end,’ said James.”

Just a thought

THANK YOU.

May 10, 2016 61,707 notes
#UNTIL THE VERY END #EXCUSE ME WHILE I CRY #harry potter
Chris, the Ghost, and Mono

thefourthvine:

The other night, I told this story to my sister, who had somehow never heard it before. She demanded that I write it down. (I sincerely hope she’s not planning to use this as some kind of college life advice for my nephew.)

There are three things you need to know to understand this story, provided you are not my sister:

  1. I started college at 15.
  2. I almost immediately got mono and didn’t realize it, assuming that I was sleeping 16 hours a day because sleep was the best thing in the world and I’d suddenly gotten really good at it.
  3. I made most of my bad decisions – like, most of the bad decisions I would ever make, and almost all the ones I could think of – before starting college.

These were not things I had in common with my freshman cohort. Any of them, as far as I could tell. They were all older than I was, they seemed to have all the energy in the world, and they had come to college to make those bad decisions they’d been dreaming of all these years but apparently couldn’t quite commit to until they were away from parental backup and support.

Keep reading

May 10, 2016 6,432 notes
#THIS IS WEIRDLY AND POWERFULLY REMINISCENT OF MY FRESHMAN YEAR #I ALSO BECAME THE PERSON WHO KNEW STUFF #I SAW SOME SHIT #admittedly i didn't perform an exorcism on someone #but i did treat a psychotic break and a severe case of drugs-slipped-in-a-drink #i love epic tales #adventures in college
“If someone comes to you and asks your help, you shall not turn him off with pious words, saying, “Have faith and take your troubles to God!” You shall act as if there were no God, as if there were only one person in all the world who could help this man–only yourself.”—

—Rabbi Moshe Leib of Sassov (via shiraglassman)

You don’t expect to hear a rabbi say “act as if there were no God” and mean not “do whatever you feel like doing” but “recognize that the ultimate responsibility for doing good in the world lies with you.”  I kind of love this.

(via animatedamerican)

#religion #… I mean if anyone were going to say ‘act as if there were no god’ to mean ‘it’s all on you mate’ #it would be a rabbi (via thetrollingchaos)

May 10, 2016 7,147 notes
#YES #THIS #RELIGION #how to christianity #BECAUSE THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE HOW IT WORKS OKAY #IF YOU TELL SOMEONE THAT IT WILL ALL BE OKAY IF THEY PRAY #BECAUSE GOD WILL SOLVE ALL THEIR PROBLEMS #I WILL FIND YOU #AND YOU WILL HAVE A LOT OF PROBLEMS THAT ONLY A HOSPITAL WILL SOLVE #OKAY #BECAUSE #THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS #i feel like fucking han solo #'THAT'S NOT HOW GOD WORKS'
How Han Really Found the Falcon in TFA

leiaorggana:

*On Jakku*

Finn: *Points to the Millennium Falcon* What about that ship?

Rey: That one’s garbage!

*Meanwhile, somewhere in space*

Han: I feel a disturbance in the Falcon, like a voice just cried out, insulting my ship.

Han: …

Han: It’s a couple of parsecs that way. I can feel it.

May 10, 2016 3,071 notes
#probably #star wars #tfa
May 10, 2016 11,426 notes
#OKAY BUT BASICALLY #HAMILTON

blackpoeticinjustice:

verdant-witch:

s1n-pie:

mizzhabibi:

surfshoggoth:

damncommunists:

ocelhira:

i dont get offended at white people jokes even though im white because: 

  1. i can recognize white people as a whole have systemically oppressed POC in america, which is where i live 
  2. most people when they make white people jokes only mean the shitty white people and i am not a shitty white person 
  3. im not a pissbaby

my white friends that have reblogged this give me life

4. Sometimes I am a shitty white person and the jokes remind me to FUCKIN STOP

If ur white and like this post I fux with u

^absolutely

5. It’s hard to be offended when white people jokes involve bland food/tourist dads in socks and sandals/white girls in yoga pants obsessed with pumpkin spice/suburban PTA moms and other harmless and mostly true stereotypes while jokes about POC involve them being called thugs/criminals/slurs/uneducated/illegal immigrants.

i fucks with u heavy if ur white and you reblog this

May 10, 2016 1,320,068 notes
May 10, 2016 632,191 notes
#religion #how to christianity #canon jesus is better than fanon jesus

starlingsongs:

starlingsongs:

Knowing that trans women of color started the movement in the united states and were literally immediately erased and excluded from what they started is the most deeply jading knowledge.

It is the original sin of the so-called queer community and it damns it from the cradle.

no white gay boy will ever reblog this, watch:

May 10, 2016 187,354 notes
TSA lines grow to 3 hours, snake outside the terminals, with no end in sight

bobbycaputo:

beerburritowhiskey:

herestothehalcyon:

beerburritowhiskey:

styro:

istealforksfromrestaurants:

mostlysignssomeportents:

The TSA gambled on millions of wealthy Americans opting out of its pornoscanner-and-shoe-removal process and signing up for its Precheck policy, which allows travellers to pay for the “privilege” of walking through a metal-detector with their shoes on, while their laptops stay in their bags.

It was a gamble that they lost. Americans have stayed away from the process in droves, but the TSA had already committed to cutting staff in anticipation of much lighter queues at their checkpoints. Instead of lightening, the queues have got longer, as the US economy has recovered and low fuel prices have kept the price of plane tickets down.

The TSA is now warning travelers to expect very long security lines this summer (Denver Airport warns that its TSA queues can take three hours to clear), as it scrambles to train more staff. In the meantime, whole airports’ worth of people are missing their flights, sending the airport managers and airlines into rare public displays of temper against the agency, calling the lines “unacceptable” (American Airlines), a “fiasco” (Brent D. Cagle, interim director of aviation for Charlotte Douglas International Airport) and accusing the agency of lying when it cites crowds as the reason for lines (Denver Airport).

The agency still hopes that more people will sign up for Precheck, which turns travel into a profit center for the agency, rather than a cost center. A cynic might say that this summer’s “fiascos” are an attempt to squeeze user fees out of American travellers, but whether or not the lines are a deliberate strategy is largely irrelevant, as it will certainly have the effect of pushing more fliers into the Precheck program.

However, even Precheck fliers aren’t immune: as the TSA diverts its staff to handle the three-hour-long queues, the Precheck lines have slowed down. The Precheck lines in Newark can take more than an hour to clear.

David Graeber remarked on the bizarre phenomenon of lengthening official lines in his brilliant essay The Utopia of Rules: for decades during the Cold War, long official lines were the symbol of the Soviet Union’s oppressive, incompetent bureaucracy. With the fall of the USSR, the lines have moved west, getting longer and longer, being joined by official forms and systems that disproportionately target the poor and vulnerable, while elites are exempt or exempt themselves by paying professionals.

http://boingboing.net/2016/05/03/tsa-lines-grow-to-3-hours-sna.html

In United States, Capitalist Pig sells you faster line! What a country!

and how many credible threats have we stopped with this security theater?

Wonderful  :(

Also, I will say that I qualify for TSA Precheck because I paid for Global Entry which allows me to skip to the front of the customs lines when returning from international travel.

The last 3 times I’ve traveled, the Pre-check lanes at the airports I’ve been traveling through have been closed (San Diego, DFW, and KCI). So, there are people that have paid for a service that isn’t even being reliably and consistently offered.

Whoa. Worth noting.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

May 10, 2016 248 notes

clementive:

kamikazeworld:

fantasticsteve:

ohyousourwolf:

Why is it that evil villains always find poison to inject into their victims like just literally fill the syringe with air and just stick the needle between their toes or something. It’ll mimic a heart attack and the victim will die pretty quick and NO ONE WILL ASK MANY QUESTIONS BECAUSE IT’LL LOOK LIKE A HEART ATTACK

first of all how do you know this information i feel like the government doesnt want you to know that

A) The correct term is ‘air embolism’ and it may not look like an heart attack. It depends on where the air bubble lodges itself. (Veins are part of a complex network. It has to end up in a an artery to cause serious damage.) One of the symptoms is heart failure though. 

B) It is possible (even though difficult) to see it during an autopsy. Since it happens among divers, here is the autopsy procedure to spot an air embolism. (pdf)

C) Some poisons ARE untraceable. Maybe.

D) When it doubt, the answer is C). 

E) The Perfect Murder- A Criminal Psychology Perspective

May 10, 2016 314,383 notes
#WRITING

ofgeography:

ofgeography:

sure, peaceontheplanet. i mean i can’t promise it’s gonna be as funny as the internet apparently found the porn thing but like, HERE’S A STORY ABOUT THE TIME I GOT MUGGED AT KNIFEPOINT (BUT BY A GENTLEMAN).

so when i was studying in argentina, it was like a thursday, and they were having what’s called a “feria” which is kind a holiday?? in argentina sometimes they decide to CANCEL EVERYTHING, ostensibly to celebrate things like books and students but i suspect really so that nobody has to go to work.

  • argentina gets me.

ANYWAY, i decided that day to go the gym! this was new and different for me, a person who considers “intense chewing” to be exercise. 

BIKINI BOD: ON TRACK.

so i went to the gym. it went the way that trips to the gym usually do for 5'8" girls with severe pigeon toes and a total lack of all motivation.

  • badly.

as i’m walking home, past the college of dentistry, i was fussing with a lighter that i had in my pocket because i was also, at that time, dealing with my fear of intimacy by smoking. so this guy comes up to me and is like, “hey, can i borrow a light?”

here’s a list of things i should have said:

  • “sorry, no.”
  • “ahhhhhh you know what, i would, but i’m super busy right now??? i actually have a dentist’s appointment, as evidenced by this College of Dentistry that i’m standing outside??”
  • “NO HABLO ESPAÑOL.”
  • “don’t you know that smoking gives you cancer? let’s commit to quitting, right now, to each other. bring it in. go team. together we can.”

here’s what i did say:

  • “claro que sí, amigo.”

he’s trying to light his cigarette, and his hands are shaking a little? so he can’t. and i’m like, dude, calm down, it’s okay. what is this, your first cigarette or something? lol.

after a few seconds, he kind of goes, “fuck it,” and drops the lighter into his pocket. and i’m like, “excuse me??? that’s my lighter?? also you didn’t even manage to light your cigarette???”  but before i can vocalize these protests, he gets rEALLY close to me and pulls out a knife. then he goes, “you have three seconds.”

what i should have said:

  • “okay. you can have whatever you want.”
  • “here’s my wallet.”
  • “wow, what a very sharp-looking knife, in what way can i avoid being stabbed with it today??”

what i actually said:

  • “haha, uhhhhh, until what?”

UNTIL WHAT. “UNTIL WHAT, MR. SIR WITH THE KNIFE? LIKE, WHAT’S ON THE MENU HERE????”

BUT HE DIDN’T SAY DEATH!!! it turns out that the gentleman attempting to rob me was like, maybe a rookie? it’s possible that he had never robbed anybody at knife-point, before. this as an experience that we were going through together for the first time.

because what he said was: “….i have a knife.”

i said, “yes. i can see that. it’s very nice.”

  • IN MY DEFENSE: IF YOU ARE GOING TO ROB SOMEONE, THE ONUS IS ON YOU TO GIVE CLEAR DIRECTIONS.
  • “i have a knife”??? come on, buddy. be better prepared. come with a to-do list. practice in a mirror.
  • “then i’m going to pull out the knife and say: give me _____.”
  • clear, concise, quick. that should be your motto, buddy. it is not MY JOB, as the ROBBEE, to read your goddamn mind. I AM NOT DRIVING THIS SHIP. IF YOU ALSO AREN’T DRIVING IT, WE ARE IN TITANIC-LEVEL TROUBLE.

at this point, clearly realizing that he had gotten in tOO DEEP with this dumbass tourist who didn’t even know how to get robbed properly, he blurted out, “uhhhhh, do you have a phone?”

i did have a phone! i had a broken claro go-phone that i had purchased upon entering the country which had 2 argentine pesos worth of text messages left in it and a inbox message from a boy name juan that said, “you like me a LOT.”

  • i had responded, “actually, i just like you the normal amount.”
  • i felt bad about that when i realized that he was trying to say, “i like YOU a lot,” but feelings verbs in spanish are mostly reflexive.
  • SORRY JUAN.

i handed the man with the knife my phone. he looked at it. looked back up at me. “r u srs?” his face seemed to say. “this is what you’re giving me right now? a janky ass claro go-phone that is CLEARLY MISSING THE NUMBER 7 KEY????”

look, the shoddy workmanship is a source of frustration to you and me BOTH, okay. we’re BOTH victims here.

but the beautiful thing about this story is that HE TOOK IT! he looked at me, looked down at his knife, sighed, and put the phone in his pocket. THEN HE REACHED BACK INTO HIS POCKET AND RETURNED MY LIGHTER TO ME.

we looked at each other.

  • here’s the thing that no one tells you about daylight robbery: there’s like. an afterbeat.
  • there is a moment in between “robbery-in-progress” and “going home to your homestay and explaining that you can’t answer phone calls anymore” where you and your robber have to look at one another and figure out HOW TO WALK AWAY.
  • listen, friends: in robberies, as everywhere, goodbyes are never easy.

“thank you,” he said.

“you’re welcome,” i answered.

he hesitated. “have a good day,” he said.

“………….okay,” i answered. “you too. enjoy the phone.”

  • ENJOY THE PHONE?????
  • IT WAS BROKEN. IT WAS CLEARLY BROKEN. WE BOTH KNEW THAT NOTHING BUT HEARTACHE WAS GOING TO COME FROM THAT PHONE.

i think about this a lot, and i wonder if he ever thinks about me. i wonder if he ever thinks, “that goddamn asshole knew i was going to have to press the 7 key four hundred times before it registered anything.“ 

  • i’m sorry, man with the knife. i panicked. in the heat of the moment, we all say things we don’t mean.

oh my god i was going through my facebook last night and LOOK WHAT I FOUND


May 10, 2016 14,800 notes
#I'M DYING #'THE ONUS IS ON YOU TO GIVE THE DIRECTIONS' #YEAH BASICALLY #I LOVE EPIC TALES

snakepeople:

i literally fucking hate broadway’s policy of not filming until the show is over, if at all. im going to compare it to sports games

seeing a football or basketball game live is amazing for sports fans, right? like most players would probably recommend seeing it live, you get to go with your friends and buy food and the players are really there and the games are usually sold out. but because seeing it live is a more favorable way to experience the game, that doesn’t mean they don’t let anyone watch it on TV and demand anyone who wants to see it has to go to the game. what about people who don’t live in the area or don’t have money to go? they still get to see the game with everyone else, and the fact that they put the game on television doesn’t drive down ticket sales. people still love seeing football or basketball or whatever in person

broadway is the same way. it’s so fucking inaccessible if you live anywhere other than new york, and even then it’s so expensive and hard to get tickets. why wouldn’t you also film it? there’s no reason not to, if your show is sold out for a full year, you’re not going to lose ticket sales because you’re also letting people watch it on TV. you will not be losing some random girl from Tennessee’s ticket sales if it would be impossible for her to go in the first place, in fact you’d make money by spreading it to a wider audience.

i love legally blonde, ive seen it upwards of 10 times because theres a professional recording on youtube for an MTV special. this doesnt mean if i had the opportunity to go see it i’d be like nah, id rather watch it alone on youtube. i’d JUMP at the opportunity to go see it live. 

tldr: people arent going to stop seeing stuff live just because you also monetize on a recording of the show to be released to a wider audience, you dumb fucking shits

May 10, 2016 28,393 notes

idiopathicsmile:

for people with bad parents, mother’s day and father’s day must be kind of like what valentine’s day is for single people, except way way worse

if you’ve got an awesome mom, cheers! 

if not, here is a greeting card for u:

May 10, 2016 1,329 notes
REBLOG if you are ASEXUAL, support ASEXUALS, or are SECRETLY 16 CATS IN A TRENCH COAT

academicfeminist:

All my followers know which one I am.

May 10, 2016 194,837 notes
Low Spoons Cooking

imfckingolden:

selendra:

(I’m making this post for a friend, but I figured some other people might get some use out of it as well.)

I know it can be super difficult to find the time and the energy to cook things sometimes. Even just looking up recipes can be super stressful when you’re low on spoons, because everything seems to take so much effort. But please, friends! You should still eat something! D: 

This is a list of sites and blogs that house good, simple, cheap recipes which hopefully will help. Everything is easier if you have a crock pot/slow cooker! 

  • http://no-more-ramen.tumblr.com - this site has a “no chopping” tag and a “crockpot” tag for if you really just can’t today, and also makes sure to note gluten/nut/egg/dairy and vegetarian/diabetic-friendly recipes! Super awesome!

  • http://lowspoonsgourmet.tumblr.com - they organize things by spoon number in the tags, from 1 spoon to 7 spoons! Unfortunately their mods aren’t 100% consistent on tags BUT it looks like you can find good recipes under either the “recipe” tag or the “mod fae” tag. 

  • http://www.budgetbytes.com - This site has a ton of crockpot recipes. Just throw the ingredients in the cooker and walk away, come back whenever!! These recipes have a lot more ingredients than some other ones but you can always ignore half of the list if you don’t have them, or substitute. 

  • http://allrecipes.com/recipes/157/everyday-cooking/campus-cooking/ - Campus cooking sites are good too because they specialize in recipes that make a lot of food out of very few ingredients. 

  • http://ridiculouslyeasyfood.tumblr.com - not a lot here, but what they do have is really good and easy to make, especially on a budget! Plus, good directions!

  • The tag “low spoons food” on tumblr itself also has a good number of recipes and advice, from what I can see. 

That’s it for now! If you know of any other good resources or have any feedback, please let me know. Hopefully this helps someone! 

@doctorarchmagemalsane

May 10, 2016 5,318 notes
#cooking #recipes

snarky-giles:

palizinhas:

snarky-giles:

watchers’ council: our slayers keep dying
watchers’ council: let’s take our slayer that has successfully not died the longest and make her powerless and battle a vampire
watchers’ council: 👍👍👍

Alright, but that’s… Exactly the point? The moment a Slayer turns 18, there’s a bigger chance she would go against the Council in some way - Buffy cuts ties with it, Nikki gets pregnant and raises a child, Faith kills people. For the Council, a Slayer can’t have that kind of independence, the Cruciamentum was created exactly to kill Slayers when they get too old.

It’s not a test they’re supposed to pass, because it’s easier to train a new weapon than to have a wild weapon you can’t control.

well that’s even more fucked up than I originally thought

May 9, 2016 1,177 notes
#buffy #btvs

indianajjones:

bana05:

brightindie:

Don’t invite me anywhere last minute I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed

This is legit and people don’t realize it.

“hey what are you doing?”
“nothing” 
“oh great! so you are avaliab-”
“no you don’t understand. I’m doing nothing.” 

May 9, 2016 520,127 notes
look at these plush toys. look at them.kickstarter.com

merswine:

saddinosaurfacts:

after last year’s successful trilobite plush KickStarter, the good people at Paleozoic Pals are at it again with an ammonoid.

now, ammonoids are cute and all, but the real prize for me is the dunkleosteus stretch goal.

people.
dunkleosteus.
plush toy.

all they need is $22,000. let’s make it happen, sdfers.

[i have nothing to do with The Paleontological Research Institution or KickStarter, I just really want more dunkleosteus plush toys in the world.]

i’m reblogging cause we ALL need that dunkleosteus

May 9, 2016 1,114 notes
#THE BAD DUDE #I NEED IT #dinosaurs #LOOK I KNOW THEY'RE NOT DINOSAURS BUT THEY LIVED IN THE SAME ERA AND I ONLY HAVE A GENERAL TAG OKAY #NOT QUITE THE SAME ERA BUT ALMOST

dukeofbookingham:

leanintwroflisa:

dukeofbookingham:

I have a note halfway through my outline that just says “fuck Descartes” but I have no idea what I was referring to

“There’s a lot of reason in Descartes for this response.” ~ my husband

@leanintwroflisa Give him a high five on my behalf.

May 9, 2016 294 notes
#honestly fuck descartes

bckyb4rnes:

youngmushroom:

hwatlarry:

  • if you are a vegan
  • great!
  • tell me and i will never serve you meat and/or try to question you about it
  • but if you ever
  • ever
  • tell me that im a killer
  • or try to make me feel bad
  • for eating meat
  • i
  • will
  • eat
  • you

ok but consider this: you should feel bad.

ok but consider this: i WILL eat you

May 9, 2016 543,796 notes

drhanniballecter:

I relate to the phrase “chillin like a villain” because it shows that I’m calm but also ready to sin

May 9, 2016 645,882 notes
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