Okay guys, I normally don’t go into politics but this is really really really really important. You might have heard of it, but the election of our next President is currently taking place in France, so I’ll write this quick words, in both English and French, in hope that a lot of you will read it.
This is me begging you to go vote on May 7th. I kept scrolling on twitter today and all I could see was hashtags terrifying me. #JamaisMacron (Never Macron) #SansMoiLe7Mai (Without me on May 7th)… On April 25th, we voted for 2 candidates. Despite our hopes, the two names that came out were Emmanuel Macron and Marine Le Pen. You might not know them if you’re not french, but both those names held different stories. While, yes, Emmanuel Macron is a guy that can’t keep his mind straight, change his words every five seconds, is said to be too young to be President, have some « peculiar » and stupid ideas , he is nothing compared to Le Pen. She is the leader of the far right, the « Front National », and she is a fraud. a political leader behind a party you should be scarred of. Racist, antisemitic, homophobic, anti-immigration, anti-multiculturalism are some of the words that could be used to describe them.
Truth is, I don’t want either of them to become my President, but we have to put pride and hatred aside. We are French, guys, we are free, we are a nation, we are a beautiful madness, WE are France. Terrorists attacks can’t divide us. I know I’m scarred, I don’t feel safe, and I don’t trust our politicians, but never, NEVER, will I give up my freedom and my identity to elect someone like Marine Le Pen. No, she’s not Hitler, she’s not the devil, she’s just a woman, a human being, and we have the power to keep her from ruling our country. That won’t be done by sitting on your couch on May 7th, or by giving an empty envelope when you’ll go vote, or by putting the hashtag « Sans Moi le 7 Mai ». You have more than a right to vote, you have an obligation, toward yourself and toward your country. You might not like it, you might hate Macron even, but you have a voice, and we all know one voice can change everything. So go vote on May 7th, vote for Emmanuel Macron, not because you like him, or because you like his ideas, but because giving him your voice means blocking the way to a party that will destroy our country, our beliefs and most certainly our life. Please, please, please, don’t sit this one out. Go vote, because if you don’t, then you’ve made your choice, you chose the National Front and everything it stands for. It’s not voting for, but voting against. Who’d you rather have, a weird liberalist with no party and early alzheimer (and a very bad way with words), or a woman who’s going to destroy everything being french means ? It is not easy, but necessary. Choose life, guys, choose France.
With all my love, a very concerned french citizen. ——————————————————————————————————-
Salut tous le monde, je ne parle normalement jamais de politique, mais cette fois c’est vraiment, vraiment, vraiment, vraiment important.
Je vous supplie d’aller voter le 7 Mai. Toute la journée, je n’ai vue que des hashtags qui m’ont fait atrocement peur sur twitter; #JamaisMacron - #SansMoiLe7Mai … Le 25 Avril, on a voté pour 2 candidats. Malgré nos espoirs, les deux noms qui en sont ressortis sont ceux d’Emmanuel Macron et de Marine Le Pen. Vous ne les connaissez peut-être pas si vous n’êtes pas français, mais ce sont deux noms avec deux histoires bien différentes. Il est vrai qu’Emmanuel Macron est un homme qui n’a pas l’esprit clair, qui change de mots et d’avis toutes les cinq secondes, qui est dit trop jeune pour être Président, et qui a clairement quelques stupides idées très « particulières », mais il n’est rien comparé à Le Pen. Elle est le leader de l’extrême droite, le Front National, et c’est une arnaque à elle seule, un leader politique derrière un partie dont vous devriez avoir peur. Racisme, antisémitisme, homophobe, anti-immigration, anti-multiculturalisme sont quelques mots qui pourraient bien les décrire.
La vérité étant que je ne veux qu’aucun des deux ne devienne mon(ma) Président(e), mais nous devons mettre de côté notre fierté et notre haine. Nous sommes français, les gars ! Nous sommes libre, nous sommes une nation, nous représentons une magnifique folie, merde, NOUS sommes la France. Les attaques terroristes ne doivent pas nous diviser. Je sais que j’ai peur, que je ne me sens pas en sécurité, que je ne fais pas confiance à nos politiciens, mais jamais, JAMAIS, je ne renoncerais à ma liberté et mon identité pour élire quelqu’un comme Marine Le Pen. Non, elle n’est pas Hitler, elle n’est pas le diable, elle est simplement une femme, un être humain, et nous avons le pouvoir de l’empêcher de gouverner notre pays. Ca ne se fera pas en restant assis sur votre canapé le 7 Mai, ni en rendant une enveloppe vide lorsque vous irez voter, ni même en écrivant ce fameux hashtag « Sans Moi le 7 Mai ». Vous avez plus qu’un droit de voter, vous avez une obligation, envers vous-même et envers votre pays. Vous n’aimez peut-être pas ça, vous détestez peut-être même Macron, mais vous avez une voix, et nous savons tous qu’une seule voix peut faire toute la différence. Alors allez voter le 7 Mai, votez pour Emmanuel Macron, pas parce que vous l’appréciez lui, ou même ses idées, mais parce que lui donner votre voix veut dire bloquer la route à un partie qui pourrait détruire notre pays, nos croyances et probablement même nos vies. S’il vous plaît, à tous ce qui lisent ce mots et ont le pouvoir de bouger les choses, à tous les français, ne faites pas l’impasses sur ces élections. Allez voter, parce que ne pas le faire, c’est déjà faire un choix, le choix du Front National et de tous ce qu’il soutient. Rappelez vous que ce n’est pas voter pour, mais voter contre. Qui préférez-vous, un libéraliste étrange, sans partie avec un alzheimer précoce, ou une femme qui pourrait détruire tous ce qu’être français veut dire ? Ce n’est pas facile mais nécessaire. Choisissez la vie, les gars, choisissez la France.
Avec tout mon amour, une citoyenne française très inquiète.
Anyone who posted about the American election needs to reblog this.
France, don’t do the same thing we did in the USA. Don’t do it. Go vote for that young guy.
so tonight I’m at synagogue, listening to the Purim Night reading of the Book of Esther, like you do
and near the end of this chapter my brain presents me with the following:
nooooo ooooone plots like Haman calls the shots like Haman plans a genocide by casting lots like Haman
(It only works with the Hebrew pronunciation of Haman, which, like Gaston, is accented on the second syllable.)
By the time we get home my brain has added:
for there’s none so well-favored and kingly yes, we all can be certain of that he’s so rich that his pockets are jingly and he looks really sharp in a three-cornered hat
*face in hands*
Petition to sing this every year at Purim.
I shared this with my dad, and he added:
No one’s spruce as Haman, Nor abstruse as Haman; No one’s half as good tying a noose as Haman! He’ll use gallows in all of his decorating! No one else hangs as well as Haman!
niiiiice
i know several people who will definitely appreciate this.
this is beautiful
oh wait
When I was a lad I hatched four dozen plots Every morning, to raise myself high… And now that I’m grown I hatch five dozen plots So all those who oppose me shall die!
Okay, in a supreme effort to avoid something I should be doing, I’ve got all but three verses, I think (I started with the above, so credit where it is due, of course).
Gosh it enthralls
me to see you Haman,
Looking so hated and hung.
Every guy here’d love to see you Haman,
On your petard being strung.
There’s none in Torah half the villain as you,
You’re everyone’s favorite brute.
Everyone loves to shake groggers at you,
there’s no one of such ill repute.
No one plots
like Haman
Calls the shots like Haman
Plans a genocide by casting lots like Haman
For there’s none so well-favored and kingly
yes, we all can be certain of that
he’s so rich that his pockets are jingly
and he looks really sharp in a three-cornered hat.
No one’s told like Haman
Schooled the king like Haman
No one’s got a swell hat with three pins like Haman
As a specimen yes he’s intimidating.
My what a guy, that Haman!
Give five loud “boos!” And a great “hiss-hiss!”
Haman’s in the ground and we Jews drink to this!
When I was a lad I hatched four dozen plots
Every morning, to raise myself high…
And now that I’m grown I hatch five dozen plots
So all those who oppose me shall die!
No one’s spruce as Haman,
Nor abstruse as Haman;
No one’s half as good tying a noose as Haman!
He’ll use gallows in all of his decorating!
No one else hangs as well as Haman
based off my fic prompt idea, where johnny storm aka the human torch finally sets up a grindr account looking for a girlfriend (or boyfriend). he’ll never admit it to anyone else but sue, but he’s tired of coming home from a harrowing near death experience to only his bed and a cellphone of names he doesn’t know. the club scene is stale and really no one ever meets their one and only while pitbull is telling everyone he’s been around the world.
so he sets his profile for looking for a relationship. if reed and sue made it work, johnny will find someone in no time. EXCEPT HE USES HIS REAL PICTURE. a nice one of him when he won that XGames race. He looks good in that one.
But some dweeb named Parker messages him with the most caustic burn ever. And Johnny knows burns. He’s usually on fire.
“You are not fooling anyone with that picture (because srsly trying to catfish someone with a really famous person is hilarious AND lame) :/”
Even the emoticon is judging him. And Johnny can’t let go, because, Hello, he is Johnny Storm. And so what if he said he liked farmers’ markets and the Guggenheim. He’s not trolling anyone. And they’re HIS instagram photos, dammit.
And so begins a text battle of the ages. Not just because Parker’s cute.
you know peter would take some epic artisty photos of himself. yet still be camera shy. especially to someone catfishing him on being the johnny storm. maybe jstorm is really vain? or overcompensating??? either way, he’s fun to talk to annoy
by all means, stash it in a wip folder. u have my blessing and jameson’s.
Oh yeah his profile picture’s probably black and white and most of his face is hidden and he’s probably hanging upside down. Or worse, one of those artsy photographer selfies where they’ve got their giant camera and a bathroom mirror. Johnny’s so annoyed this dude’s accusing him of catfishing when you can’t even tell if he’s got a face or what. All you can see are eyebrows! Still this fight they’re in is probably the most fun he’s had talking to someone in a long time…
(cough it’s absolutely not in there already what are you talking about. Thank you! <3)
parker always sends johnny really nice shots of nyc (the only real proof that parker is a new yorker). impossible ariel shots, to boot. like that guy is crazy talented. did he scale a building for that view????
parker with his gravity defying poses that obscure his face. his stupid face. all johnny gets to see is parker’s abs. and butt.
johnny is at least upfront about what he looks like. despite parker making disparaging comments about johnny being a 85 year old man from paramus. as if johnny would be from jersey of all places. urgh
after the last selfie with spider-man swinging in the background, parker is even more cutting. as if you know spider-man. now, that’s just plain rude.
PARAMUS god parker that’s so harsh. (“sooo… What? Newark? Hackensack? Tell me if I’m getting warmer”) and all those basement comments are really uncalled for. Johnny sends him the view from the top of the Baxter building but even that doesn’t impress this guy. Who, btw, is probably the 80yo man, at least at heart, because he has zero other social media presence except for like. A LinkedIn account and the world’s most dizzying Instagram. It’s the mystery that keeps Johnny messaging him, and totally not the fact that he makes him laugh. Okay 80% the mystery and 20% that body. How flexible is this dude?? And how did he photoshop that pic of him lifting that hot dog cart with one hand? (#onlyinnewyork)
If Parker doesn’t agree to meet up he’s totally declaring him a supervillain.
johnny probably sends him a dick pic. this is tindr. like maybe after some more ribbing about being a 40 yr basement dweller from hoboken. and this is why sue tried to ban cellphone in the shower because this is how johnny furiously is texting after a shower and is like FINE PARKER, I AM HOT STUFF.
all he gets is an artistic critique of his lighting choices and filter suggestions. at least parker concedes he’s actually in his 20s. and has abs. though johnny is a but miffed that parker didn’t enjoy his dick. like, he has a nice one. if he had a sex tape, he’d bet everyone would agree.
stupid parker. he’s probably electro.
Excuse you Sue he has the world’s most life proof cell phone and he’s going to use it for what God intended: sending random weirdos dick pics at 3PM. He cannot BELIEVE parker had more to say about the brand of shampoo in the corner of the pic than the main attraction. Does he even know how lucky he is. Johnny could sell this picture for major bucks and not have to listen to someone get judgy about Tahitian vanilla. It’s not a crime to have soft, touchable vanilla scented locks.
Like the dude couldn’t even be a good supervillain? Maybe have a nice castle or whatever? Reed gets all the luck. Johnny better get some parkour make outs after this. Or at least a return dick pic - seriously, critique without reciprocation? RUDE
sue needs aspirin tbh. it’s way to early for her brother to be pouting in the lab about a dick pic. she should not have to deal with this. dear god, johnny, just tell this guy you want to go out
peter is like uber competitive but like he knows the dangers of the cloud. i mean, electro deleted all his spider-man pics. it was tragic. all that work for nothing
so maybe he has the perfect idea for a pic but like, jstorm could be kraven or eddie brock. weirder things have happened.
so maybe he asks mj and gwen about it. and debates to be ironic with his pic. mj suggests wearing the torch boxers. maybe with the right filter …
either way, his dick is way better than some hot guy from long island with an amazing sense of humour
Sue you can’t just TELL A GUY YOU WANT TO GO OUT. There are unspoken rules! It’s like when one of those birds puffs up all its neck feathers or the mountain goats lock horns. Haven’t you ever watched national geographic??
Sue could point out that only one of them is in a relationship that doesn’t consist of passive aggressive super competitive texting but it seems like too much effort tbh
But what if Peter thinks that anyone willing to catfish with the pics/persona if a celebrity superhero would also be willing to catfish for some good dick pics?
Because how can he trust this guy? He’s pretending to be JOHNNY STORM. Really?
Is that what tips Johnny into being all *what? Fine lets meet*???
Because sure, doubting profile pics is one thing BUT HOW DARE YOU DOUBT MY DICK. IT IS FLAWLESS.
… *quietly jumps into somebody else’s very nice discussion*
*I am so sorry*
now i picture johnny holding today’s the daily bugle with the date next to his dick and clearly rocking abs and ironically the headline is something salacious about spider-man’s manhood
I invited myself into this, happy enough to be joining :)
Because seriously, a title like “spiderman bares all”
And theres Spiderman, webswinging in a tattered suit, abs visable, legs wide as he creates better momentum.
Peter would do *anything* to not have *that photo* be today’s headliner. He thought he had defeated that one off the SD card, so of course that’s the one that was picked as the front centerfold.
It takes forever for Peter to calm down enough to formulate some sort of response.
“The Bugle? Any Joe Shmoe off the street has a copy of the Bugle. Why would a celebrity like Storm be caught with that rag in his hands?b
TATTERED WEBSLINGER: WON’T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN. if only he’d left the lenscap on this time, but there’s the parker luck for you. oy.
dick pic take three: forbes magazine artfully spread open to that page about the FF. johnny’s super glad he bought the selfie stick. yeah he’s gotten a lot of mileage out of it already, but not for anything as important as this. it’s art, really. meanwhile peter has swallowed his tongue.
and johnny wrote on his abs “i’m the real deal, parker.”
peter may be having another identity crisis. mj and gwen find his woes hilarious. mj is sure she turned down a script with the same premise.
and johnny realizes it’s been three months where he hasn’t been in a scandalous news article. and the shocking realization that he, gasp, is in a relationship
quelle horreur!
he’d feel better if he knew what parker looked like
No idea what his face looks like and he’s already Sue’s favorite person Johnny’s ever dated. He should feel insulted but he’s too busy trying to get a selfie out of the guy. Or better yet, an actual meeting. Also trying to get sharpie off his abs - normally stuff just comes off when he flames on, but not this time.
peter meanwhile has taken 300 selfies and rejected all of them. gwen and mj are asleep on the couch.
peter “i don’t need a selfie stick b/c i’m spider-man” parker is failboating at taking a selfie - oh the irony of it all (IT’S NOT FUNNY GWEN! MJ STOP LAUGHING)
maybe he makes a comment that he has to cover some gala event and johnny calls in every favor to go (like maybe agrees to quickly when sue says they’ve been invited to it - she’s really liking this parker guy if he gets johnny this excited about wearing pants)
So it’s a plan - he’ll go to Reed’s boring science gala (”It’s actually to honor Dr. Silverstein’s very interesting discovery -” “Shhhhhh. It’s about love. Love is on the line.” “… Okay Johnny.”), find Parker (one skinny dude with weirdly great muscle definition and gravity-defying hair, probably holding a camera) and he’ll sweep him off his feet. Fool proof.
Twenty minutes and three glasses of champagne in, he thinks he’s spotted him when the lights go down and everyone starts screaming.
Fucking Electro.
peter is at the gala and sees johnny and is actually behind him at one point getting a candid photo of dr silverstein. and spends sometime by the hors d'oeuvres table thinking about introducing himself, except that would end terribly because jstorm is not the johnny storm. and he can’t deal with that level of ridicule even if he wants to make sure that the guy he’s half in love with is actually johnny storm and not some cute catfisher from ho-ho kus
he’s garnering the courage to ask. mj already texted him to grow a pair and do it
then electro gate crashes
fucking electro
Taking stock of the situation:
Pros: Electro unwittingly saved him from his probable humiliation by, who knows, the Chameleon, daydrinking Mystique, someone really bored and really good at photoshop, whoever jstorm really is - aside from, obviously, the person Peter is half in love with. Johnny Storm looking like he walked straight off a magazine shoot? Not helping. He absolutely was not checking him out when he was taking that candid, but like - those pants are tight. The eyes, they wander.
Cons: This is the third time in a month he’s stripped down to his spider-suit behind a fern and he’s getting real sick of it.
Anyway, this is good! This is great! An old-fashioned teamup is exactly what the doctor ordered. They’ll step up, they’ll do a little banter, a little you-hit-em-high-i’ll-hit-em-low and Peter’ll be able to look Johnny Storm, who is still definitely not jstorm (right? right), in the eyes again without fireflies (badumpsh) in his stomach. What a perfect solution. Four for you, Electro, old buddy old pal.
johnny is flaming mad. like usually he’d leap at the opportunity to leave a boring gala by flaming on and fighting crime. but really his heart isn’t in. even when spidey shows up - he’d rather trade quips with parker
and johnny was really hoping he’d see parker. and now with everyone running for the doors. now there’s a fat chance of that. at least he’ll try to really give it his a game so parker will know what he’s missing
the day after, he scans the nerdy websites for an article about dr. silverstein and not the epically heroic fight (”it’s the nyu physics homepage, johnny” sighs reed ) to find out that one peter parker was the onsite photographer. sadly, no photo linked
His mood is not improved by Reed telling Sue Johnny sulked the whole way home. (He wasn’t sulking! But the guy was right there! Right there! And then, bam, Cinderella’d. He doesn’t even have a shoe.) The other thing is - Electro made it hit home. If he does this, with parker - his life is dangerous. He knew it, but he didn’t know it, before. But he was scared for the guy, during the fight, and when he messaged him when he got home… no reply.
Why couldn’t he be head over heels for Spidey, again?
Peter, meanwhile, is having a life crisis. Like, okay, that banter last night - that was the banter. The Banter. Oh god. It’s him. It’s him for real. And now - what does he say? When they meet? Obviously they’re going to meet. But there’s him and then there’s Spider-Man and Johnny Storm isn’t actually as dumb as he looks: sooner or later he’s going to put two and two together. He keeps drafting replies and then not sending them, because what is he going to say? “Great first date, loved the part where you welded the building back together.”
He texts MJ for advice and only gets JUMP HIM in reply, all caps, a million emojis. His friends are so helpful.
johnny is burning a hole in the carpet with worry. because, yeah, electro is a d-lister villain but what if parker was there when doom struck? or galactica? his heart can’t take the dizzying scenarios of losing parker. and that really scares him
how does reed and sue do it every day?
peter cops out and sends johnny a pic of his shoes with the caption of waiting for a bus to queens. because yeah, sadly he ran out of webbing and just his luck he missed the bus home /:
at least he had his friends unhelpful texts to keep him company (gwen says even flash thompson got his head out of his ass and finally asked out deb whitman - so clearly peter can do it)
Flash texts him a selfie of himself giving the double thumbs up, which isn’t as inspirational as he probably thinks it is. While Peter’s looking at that, though - and seriously why is this train always late? how did he ever get anywhere before webslinging? - he gets a reply from jstorm: rly glad ur ok.
There’s a heart emoji. What the hell is Peter supposed to do with that, other than bang his head against the subway wall. (Note to self: subway wall filthy, do not do that again.)
Meanwhile Reed and Sue tell Johnny that honesty and communication are the best option (”though it helps when she’s the strongest/he’s the smartest person you know” ugh marrieds. so gross) - though like. Meeting face to face helps. Sue would not rule that out.
At least Johnny has a name for some casual google stalking. It turns out Peter Parker is super smart, like, amazingly smart, like, Reed, would hiring his internet bf be unethical? Asking for a friend. And no wonder the photos he sends are so amazing - he’s like, Spider-Man’s personal photographer.
Maybe it’s time to ask Spidey for a favor…
harry osbourne finally gets in on the group text and sends a winky face emoji with a picture of whatever tropical beach he’s on - somehow flash’s snapchat was more encouraging
johnny casually floating next to spider-man, after successful saving new york city again for the fifth time that week and is like, hey spidey, i was wondering if you could do me a solid at getting in touch with peter parker for scheduling a fantastic four photo shoot (you know for the CHILDREN, THINK OF THE CHILDREN, SPIDEY)
peter is gobsmacked. how is this happening???? he bangs his head against baxter tower this time (it’s slightly cleaner than the subway wall) and pulls out one of peter parker’s business cards. why does he have it in the hidey hole of his suit? fate, probably
and johnny doesn’t even rip him about that. he’s coveting the card like it’s made of glass. the soft smile on johnny’s face makes him fumble with his web
One of these days Peter’s going to swing straight into the News1 copter and it’s going to be all Johnny Storm and his stupid soft smile’s fault. What kind of monster cradles a business card so tenderly?!
Peter’s halfway back home by the time he realizes that card has his actual phone number on it. Time to throw that into the river, then. Okay, no, irresponsible and expensive, even if it does seem the obvious solution at the mo. What is he going to do when Johnny calls???
answer it, you absolute disaster - yes thank you Gwen Stacy. Why are all his friends so reasonable about everything.
Meanwhile Johnny’s back home, dangling upside down off the sofa and grinning at this business card. Ben wants to call Dr. Strange, make sure the kid’s not possessed.
(”Possessed by LOVE, Benjy! Shot through the heart! And Peter Parker’s to blame!”)
peter practicing his non-spiderman voice (just talk like you normally do, sighs gwen feeling a tension headache, she can’t believe she once dated him)
johnny suddenly realises for a long while, parker hasn’t called him out about not being johnny storm… weird, it was almost reassuring and by rote to argue about that with parker
johnny totally laminates the card and asks reed to make it flameproof (reed clearly needs to meet this parker fellow…)
it takes a week for johnny to build up a cover story for calling peter parker (like actually getting in touch with vanity fair for a article, hey he has some favors he can cash in and he’s already said he has a photographer they can freelance)
meanwhile, peter is wondering why johnny hasn’t called peter parker. yet his texting with johnny has been normal otherwise. maybe johnny realised that he didn’t want peter??
(Gwen in the role of Ann Perkins: “I dated that guy. For a long time!” Godspeed, Gwen Stacy, you noble, poetic land mermaid.)
Reed and Sue are 100% Team Peter Parker. Ben’s reserving judgment until he’s sure this photobug has got a face. Every five minutes: “Have you called him yet??”
GIVE HIM SOME TIME, GOD. He’s got to make sure this goes perfect! And no he’s not bringing him for dinner, you people will make him go to the microverse or space or like, France. He is going to be NORMAL. For once in his life!! (No he hasn’t called him in the five minutes since you last asked.)
Meanwhile Peter’s nightly Spider-Man break is accompanied by a whole tub of Ben&Jerry’s tonight. Give him a break, he’s mourning for plain Peter Parker’s almost romance novel connection. So of course when his phone finally rings, he almost drops it fifty stories fumbles it, forgets what his normal voice sounds like and goes Full Christian Bale Batman.
“Wow, I was not expecting you to sound so… gravelly.” The first words Johnny Storm says to him, Peter Parker, and not Spider-Man. Great. Now he’s going to have to talk like this for the rest of his life, probably. Live the lie, Pete!
*gwen stacy looks at the camera like she’s on the office* she thanks the stars that she left that sinking ship, like probably once every two months the girls meet and are like, yeah that happened and commiserate about the times they were kidnapped
peter decides if he’s living the lie, he’s going for broke. like, who am i talking to? it can’t be the johnny storm - like new number, who dis? inquiring about a job???
cue johnny losing some of his nerves, because this is familiar ground. he’s text battled to parker about this countless times. too many to count
johnny ends the call by getting a date - is it really a first date if they’ve been texting and snapchatting for months??? and johnny is now trying to mesh the gravelly voiced peter parker to his preconceived interpretation of what he thought peter would sound like
he can imagine getting off to that voice
peter thinks he can phase out the voice by lying about having bronchitis
(he has to deal with mj imitating his christian bale voice for a week)
crap, did he agree to a date???? he has nothing remotely unwrinkled
(Three months down the line Johnny is definitely going to ask Peter to do the voice in bed. It takes Peter three minutes to work out that Johnny isn’t kidding, and another ten to stop laughing. The worst part is how it doesn’t kill the mood for Johnny at all.)
At least his jeans are good. You never need to wash those, right? And they’re black so that one old bloodstain won’t show! (Please buy new jeans begs MJ, like being a model means she knows so much about fashion.) So - it’s a date. With jstorm. Who is Johnny Storm. Who likes him, for - some reason? Like Peter is 90% sure this isn’t going to end in a giant trap by a supervillain and honestly that’s the most frightening part. And was Johnny kidding about that “private photoshoot” crack or??? Because Peter might pass out. Just saying. (He was not kidding, and he owns a lot of questionable outfits. But that’s a story for the future.)
Meanwhile Johnny has never been this nervous about a date. Why does he have nothing to wear?? He’s half an hour late because he was fishing through his bottomless (literally - thanks, Reed) closet, and he’s so sure Peter won’t be there but then he gets to the agreed spot and. He’s taking photos of pigeons.
What an unbelievable dork. Johnny can’t stop smiling. Now if only he could remember how to talk to people.
*cough* i guess you weren’t catfishing me, peter admits awkwardly
johnny can’t believe parker is this cute in person. he may be vain but game recognizes game. and he really wants to makeout with that face. the premise of the photo shoot gets thrown out of the window (unless it’s selfies of them together because ben is starting to believe that johnny made parker up) they end up scandalizing joggers with excessive pda (but hey, it’s been months and it was one hella of a first kiss)
calamity will strike (probably electro - he’ll get a fruit basket by the end of this..)
johnny telling peter to stay here where it’s safe and peter giving johnny a constipated look which is adorable on a face that has looks bee stung from all the kissing
This is Peter’s life! This right here! He’s got his hands in Johnny’s back pockets - god those jeans are tight, he’s losing all feeling in his fingers, when disaster strikes. And Johnny, god, Johnny actually kisses him goodbye before going off to battle. Ridiculous? Yes. Unnecessary? Peter can benchpress him, Electro and that police horse over there without breaking a sweat. Swoon worthy? You bet.
But waiting breathless with the onlookers in Central Park is for people who didn’t double layer their date attire with a spider-suit. Time to change behind a tree again, judged by squirrels. This is his life!!
And look, alright, Johnny’s no genius, he leaves that to Reed and Sue, but - Spider-Man? Right here, right now? That’s no coincidence.
Like, dude, he knows his rep, but you don’t have to worry about your favorite photographer with him, alright? He really genuinely likes the guy. Like. A lot. So much, actually? So. Peter Parker is totally safe with him, man. No worries.
(This is Peter’s life!!!)
johnny lecturing spider-man on how peter parker is taking a lot of risks to photograph him and if he could be more careful - there’s only one peter parker, you see, spidey
peter would facepalm but he’s dangling from a web
johnny pats himself on the back for being a considerate boyfriend - huh - he’s never used that word before - he likes it
he’d really like to get back to making out with peter
sadly, a super hero’s job is never done
he’s glad peter is used to the lifestyle, what with following around spidey - speaking off - should johnny be jealous?
“Only one” - one day, the clone convo is going to be awk. That’s like a silver anniversary thing though, right? He laughs so hard at the jealous question he has to sit down for a sec. Johnny doesn’t get what’s so funny - is Spidey a total dog or something?
Meanwhile the contents of Peter’s inbox: 1) Gwen yelling DID YOU TELL HIM TELL HIM IT’LL BE SO MUCH EASIER WHEN ONE OF YOU GETS KIDNAPPED!! 2) MJ creatively reinterpreting the lyrics to Kiss The Girl 3) Harry’s collection of cocktail umbrellas. So helpful.
Meanwhile, Gwen, reincarnation of Cassandra, strikes again: third date in -and Johnny’s a gentleman (he can hear Sue and Ben laughing somewhere) so third date’s the night - they get knocked out and he wakes up in a glass box while some masked guy has got a gun to Peter’s head. Also he’s pretty sure they’re down by Pier 4? Greaaaaat. Still, not his worst date. If only he could figure out how to flame on without risking Peter’s safety.
So what is Peter trying to sign at him? Is that - is that the Itsy Bitsy Spider?
and johnny had plans for date #3, like under the pants action. finally get solid (heh) proof of the dick pic gate. so he dressed up. armani and all. he wanted to make an impression.
and peter knows the third date jinx of his life. srsly, mj was held hostage by doc oct on their third date. gwen fell through a portal on theirs. it was sheer blind optimism for peter to think his date with johnny would go off without a hitch (and gosh, johnny looks good - like here’s peter in a sports jacket (with no visible stains) and johnny looks like he stepped out of a magazine)
cue being kidnapped. heh, peter needs to send mj and gwen some sephora gift cards….it really sucks being on the other end of this.
his only hope is johnny understanding he’s more than peter parker - freelance photographer - he’s your friendly neighbourhood spider-man too boot
(johnny will still hold on that there is only one peter parker - the dork who went full christian bale)
DID PETER WANT TO WAIT FOR SEX BECAUSE SADLY UNDER ALL HIS CLOTHES IS A LAYER OF SPANDEX THAT HE COULDN’T YET EXPLAIN????
After the fight (one quick distraction, followed by a quicker change, followed by Spider-Man, who is Peter Parker, who is parker, this is some identiception) they stand around for a bit in dead, awkward silence, before Johnny voices that above question.
“Plan B was telling you I celebrate Halloween year round,” says Peter, picking at his webs. “Or that I had some kind of fetish.”
Sadly Johnny probably would’ve rolled with that.
Another long, awkward pause and a lot of sidelong glances (Peter looks almost as good in skintight spandex as Johnny looks in slightly charred Armani) before he pops the question: “You want to go back to mine?”
gwen and mj get some amazing gift baskets (the storm trust fund is a beautiful thing). harry comes back ridiculously tanned and sits through mj and gwen’s drunken slide show of peter’s tragically hilarious courtship with the human torch
johnny would have been down for anything that parker threw at him (he’s rocking this supportive boyfriend gig to a science (heh, science))
and mapping out peter’s muscles by hand is way more satisfying that any snapchat
flash thompson sends another round of thumbs up and invites them to him and deb’s wedding. suddenly johnny has a plus one. life is good. and peter is very flexible
SPIDER-MAN IS BREAKING FLAMING HEARTS (courtesy of the daily bugle)
AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER*
(* Barring the usual: supervillains, time travel, a couple apocalypses, one dude actually named Apocalypse, clones, teleporting dogs, Reed’s dad, the X-Men, Black Cat, clones again, X-Men again, Skrulls, impending midterms, that thing with Namor, Johnny’s Bridezilla phase, the microverse, a three week argument about a pair of pants and the Mole Man.)
justin hammer’s dating app review: 5 flaming hearts and spider
My class 10/10 lost the plot today. I don’t even know where to start or how to explain to their parents that I think they’ve all turned into tiny little rebels.
9:10 - we are studying a report about Chernobyl in guided reading. Several are looking at me gone out when I explain that nuclear power can be dangerous. “So why use it?” one asks. Why indeed.
9:12 - we are now discussing renewable energy. Several more express outrage and ask why the country doesn’t have to use renewable energy. Several more state that we should avoid pollution because it kills polar bears and stuff right, Miss?
9:13 - I mention that it’s a complicated issue because of different viewpoints, and that certain people, say Drumpf, don’t believe in climate change.
9:14 - chaos.
9:15 - small child suggests someone murder Drumpf. I say that murder is both bad and illegal.
9:16 - the class have learned the word impeach and are shouting IMPEACH TRUMP IMPEACH TRUMP IMPEACH TRUMP while banging on the tables.
9:17 - headteacher comes in to see what is going on. Small child tells him quite angrily that SOME PEOPLE JUST DECIDE TO NOT BELIEVE IN SCIENCE WHICH YOU CAN’T DO BECAUSE IT’S SCIENCE. He backs out of the room quite quickly.
9:25 -I have abandoned plans for grammar and the children are now writing persuasive pieces about Why We Should Use Renewable Energy.
The saga continued after lunch when we continued our WW2 topic work, learning about the holocaust.
1:35 - we are discussing Kristalnacht. The class are collectively outraged and appalled. One is in tears.
1:40 - “Miss, I fucking hate Hitler.” that’s okay, but please express your hatred of fascism without the F word or I’ll have to ring your Mum again.
2:00 - small child who suggested murder earlier says “isn’t this exactly what Drumpf tried to do to the Muslims?” There’s a heady mix of realisation and outrage in the room.
2:13 - “Racism makes no sense” says a child, looking quite confused.
2:33 - “Hitler would have killed me because I’ve got cerebral palsy, right?” says a boy. He is tackle-hugged by a girl from across the table. I have to pretend I’m not crying.
2:34 - The rest of his table have made a pact to never let anyone hurt him. I am still pretending to be super chill. I am obviously failing as another child offers me a hug.
2:37 - I ask the children to look at nine examples of things the nazis did against Jewish people, and then arrange them in a diamond with what they consider the worst at the top.
2:38 - Mutiny. They all collectively decide to arrange all nine cards in a line and say that they’re all awful things so they all go at the top.
2:39 - I tell them if they kind find a way to fit a line of all nine in their books then fair enough. Smart child suggests a circle. Everyone cheers. We have a break, and they go outside raging about Hitler, Drumpf, racism, prejudice and injustice in general. I am handed a very strong tea by my TA who congratulates me on my gang of angry eleven year olds.
Faith in humanity both challenged and restored. Bring on tomorrow.
I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOUR CLASS AND I LOVE THIS STORY AND YOU ARE AMAZING
so at the bar in which I work, there’s an unofficial rule that all of our door staff must have names that start with D or rhyme with ‘doorman’, which has led to me befriending a trio of six foot four men with beards called Doorman Logan, Doorman Drew, and Doorman Dan.
now, let me tell you now that Doorman Dan is the absolute love of my life. I don’t care that he’s a decade older than me and has a fiance. you know when someone is so extraordinary or impossible to define that they’re simply referred to as ‘a character’? that’s Doorman Dan. now, before I get into his personality, let’s describe his appearance. imagine the most stereotypical Scandinavian person ever: tall, white-blond, strong-jawed. now, add a heavy South Walian accent and an orange jumper.
that’s Doorman Dan.
since meeting him last year, I’ve discovered:
he once had a dream that he had a tattoo that said ‘shit happens’ on his left arsecheek, so when he woke up he decided he had to fulfil the prophecy and got it tattooed on his arse by a bloke called Junkie Jeff at 9AM
he forgot to call his girlfriend for three months while he was in the army, and was completely unaware they had broken up until he wished her a happy Christmas and she responded with ‘what the fuck Dan’
accidentally married his army buddy in Vegas for thirty-six hours
he saw someone beating up a guy for being gay, and instead of jumping in and fighting back he decided to get absolutely bollock-naked and stand in front of the homophobe until he got freaked out and ran off
he has a millionare buddy who rings him up once a month for ‘mystery adventures’, one of which has resulted in Doorman Dan no longer being allowed inside any John Lewis shops
he is convinced the love of his life is not his fiancee, but a man named Ned. upon being asked who Ned is, he shrugged and responded with: “I’ll know when I meet him.”
he runs an Instagram account dedicated to his pet rabbits and refuses to let people into the bar unless they follow him
his fiancee booked a wedding venue before he even proposed. “I don’t even know if I’m invited, truth be told.”
when he caught a couple having sex in our loos, he didn’t want to intrude so he just gently knocked on the door and asked if they’d like a snack
he has created his own non-alcoholic cocktail called Doorman’s Sunrise because he feels left out being the only person on the dance floor without a drink when he’s patrolling the bar
I could honestly write a ten-season sitcom about him
Hamilton:
Hey are you awake? Why aren't you awake? It's 4:17am wake up
Burr:
My life is just one social faux pas after another.
Laurens:
Ew no hetero tho
Lafayette:
You're so over dramatic and french
Mulligan:
I made my own clothes for 5 years
Washington:
As your father, it's my job to tell you you're acting like a total piece of shit right now.
Eliza:
Ya know we're all trying. Sometimes there's heartbreak, sometimes people eat your food, sometimes death is inevitable, but I'd slaughter your enemies if you asked me to.
Angelica:
Not to psychoanalyze you but you're salty and hide behind your intellect
Peggy:
I am so confused
Philip:
That was some prodigy level poetry. I understand nothing
Jefferson:
Hair perks
Madison:
wow @immune system it's time to function
Seabury:
*sends the Union Jack emoji on The Fourth of July*
King George III:
I'm so sorry I'm terrible, please love me
CLEARLY Finn is King of Camelot, destined
ruler of all Albion, hero-king snatched from a training center designed to churn out
devoted soldiers for a dangerous faction rising in the wake of the previous
wicked king’s demise (Palpatine, obvs)
Rey is his queen and court enchanter, and
Finn met her after being separated from his guardsan attack by bandits—she
whomped him good with a staff and threw him into a lake with magic. Naturally, he brought her back to his citadel
and was like “This is our new court enchanter, she used to be a feral mountain
child” and within a few months everyone went “Hey Finn what if you got married”
and he went “Sounds great, meet your new queen!” And everyone was EITHER really delighted OR
completely horrified. They’re a kickass
couple and Rey is really good with seeing possible lines of influence and Finn
is actually a killer diplomat and basically they rock.
With the help of their Most Loyal and Trusted
Knight, who would DIE for his king, especially since Finn swooped in and saved
him when his quest went horribly awry in the process of booking it from the
First Order. Obviously this is the adopted
son of the Lady of the Lake, Sir Poe Dameron (du Lac)…
Me after focusing on something like the bare minimum amount for a neurotypical person:
"I dunno maybe im not really adhd"
Me being left alone in the doctors office for 30 minutes:
*dicks around with medical supplies and rubber gloves, spins in the spinny chair, plays the Floor is Lava game, breaks a pen*
When trains were introduced in the U.S, many people believed that that “women’s bodies were not designed to go at 50 miles an hour,” and that their “uteruses would fly out of [their] bodies if they were accelerated to that speed.”
I have so much respect for historical women not murdering every man they know
“hiraeth”—(hɨraɪ̯θ), noun | A Welsh, untranslatable feeling, hiraeth is loosely described as a homesickness for a home you cannot return to anymore or a place, which never even existed. Connotations of sadness, yearning, profound nostalgia, and wistfulness are imbued into the state of hiraeth. Overall this beautiful, but painful longing is a an expression of an empty desire and grief over a past life or place. It is the ultimate signifier of a bond, which has ceased to exist. (via 16pc)
gosh but like we spent hundreds of years looking up at the stars and wondering “is there anybody out there” and hoping and guessing and imagining
because we as a species were so lonely and we wanted friends so bad, we wanted to meet other species and we wanted to talk to them and we wanted to learn from them and to stop being the only people in the universe
and we started realizing that things were maybe not going so good for us– we got scared that we were going to blow each other up, we got scared that we were going to break our planet permanently, we got scared that in a hundred years we were all going to be dead and gone and even if there were other people out there, we’d never get to meet them
and then
we built robots?
and we gave them names and we gave them brains made out of silicon and we pretended they were people and we told them hey you wanna go exploring, and of course they did, because we had made them in our own image
and maybe in a hundred years we won’t be around any more, maybe yeah the planet will be a mess and we’ll all be dead, and if other people come from the stars we won’t be around to meet them and say hi! how are you! we’re people, too! you’re not alone any more!, maybe we’ll be gone
but we built robots, who have beat-up hulls and metal brains, and who have names; and if the other people come and say, who were these people? what were they like?
the robots can say, when they made us, they called us discovery; they called us curiosity; they called us explorer; they called us spirit. they must have thought that was important.
and they told us to tell you hello.
So, I have to say something.
This is my favorite post on this website.
I’ve seen this post in screenshots before, and the first time I read it, I cried. Just sat there with tears running down my face.
Because this, right here, is the best of us, we humans. That we hope, and dream of the stars, and we don’t want to be alone. That this is the best of our technology, not Terminators and Skynet, but our friends, our companions, our legacy. Our message to the stars.
I’m flat out delighted, and maybe even a little honored, that I get to reblog this.
So, today, Marvel published issues of comics revealing that in fact the Nazis were always supposed to win World War 2, and the Allies invented the Cosmic Cube to rewrite history to prevent that from happening.
That was released today. April 19th.
The anniversary of the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising, the largest Jewish revolt during World War 2, the first urban uprising in Nazi-occupied Europe, begun when the Nazis decided to completely wipe out the Warsaw Jews on Passover eve. Instead, the Jews held out for nearly a month, with whatever they could fight with. They’re honored to this day.
And Marvel published their Nazi-stanning dumpster fire of a retcon today.
so how many people on Marvel’s editorial board are white supremacists?
Fucking ridiculous
But no, the reason we all bailed was too much “diversity.”
There’s something more insidious going on here than just “the Nazis were supposed to win” and I think it needs examination.
And by that I mean let’s talk about Steve Rogers, Straight White Cis Man.
A lot of the early superheroes were very explicitly invested in social justice - Wonder Woman fights sexist dictators and empowers women, Superman goes undercover to bust the KKK and advocates for the working class. And of course it’s not that surprising that Superman, the explicitly Jewish-coded immigrant, or Wonder Woman, the female superhero in a world of men, strike out against the power structures that oppress the groups they represent; they stand to gain greatly, after all, from the freedom and elevation of their peers.
But Cap is a little different. Cap, actually, is a lot different, because Steve Rogers is a white man with blue eyes and blonde hair. Steve Rogers is not just physically fit and able-bodied, but an outright ubermensch who can tough out gunshot wounds and knock around cars. Steve Rogers would be treated like a goddamn king in Hitler’s Germany, he is literally everything they claim to love and want and honor. Steve does not stand to gain greatly by fighting Nazis. Steve stands to gain greatly by joining them. The only thing he, personally, can achieve by his battle is personal loss; at best, of institutional privilege over basically everyone he’ll ever meet, at worst, of his very life.
If you think it is an accident that two Jewish guys made this character the dedicated, justice-loving ultimate enemy of the Nazi state, I do not know what to tell you other than that you are hilariously, incomprehensibly, obviously wrong.
This is a guy who could have the bad guys eating out of his hand, but opposes them instead because it’s the right thing to do, full stop. No matter the cost, no matter what anyone else says he in particular should care about due to his own station, he’s going to help people instead of hurting them. Steve Rogers is not just a guy who punches Nazis, he is a promise to Jewish kids that Gentiles, too, can and will punch Nazis, and a reminder to Gentiles that just because they’re not Jewish is no excuse not to. More than that, even. He is a promise to every marginalized fan that yes, there really are allies who will fight for you all the way to the end. He is an example to every privileged fan that real heroism means being that ally for others, that it is not only possible but important and even imperative to defend the less privileged. If Diana teaches us that we can fight for ourselves, Steve teaches us that we can fight for others. And that is a kind of hope and inspiration that most superheroes never even get to pretend to.
And so think about what Spencer is saying, when he says that that isn’t real.
In Spencer’s new Cap universe, it is natural, inevitable, that a smart, strong, authoritative white dude would ally himself with Nazis. In Spencer’s universe, if you want a person with privilege on your side, if you want that person to actually put themselves at risk fighting on your behalf, you have to literally rewrite reality. Are you a person with privilege? Great, don’t worry about it, you have no obligation to give a shit, because no sketchy minority rabble-rouser has brainwashed you with a cosmic cube. Are you a minority rabble-rouser? You’re on your own, good fucking luck. Straight white cis dudes are your natural enemy, and since you live in the real world without cosmic cubes, there’s nothing you can do about it.
Spencer has taken a character created by two Jewish guys to explicitly say “you don’t have to be Jewish to care about Jewish people” and turned him into a character that instead very aggressively says “actually you do have to be Jewish to care about Jewish people. Race war is the Real World and that Steve is a fantasy.”
So, you know. Fuck him.
I wish that I’d been able to put this into words half as well as @bluefall-returns did.
I can’t believe that the two greatest party songs of all time (I Gotta Feeling and Party Rock Anthem) came out within two years of each other and mankind will never create a better party song
Some people have been defending various other party songs in the notes, and while I respect all of your opinions, the only song that can qualify as a POTENTIAL exception is Tik Tok by Ke$ha
What about Allstar, great for every occasion
All Star is, in my opinion, the Greatest Song of All Time™ and while it great for every occasion, the three above are the best suited for parties. Like rich chocolate is good for every dessert, but milk goes better with Oreos than more chocolate, ya know?
I was not ready for such an educated response but completely agree
This really isn’t a terribly interesting story, but it is something for the annals of human stupidity. I can’t remember the exact details, and I really don’t care to do an exhaustive search the Internet, but I’ll sketch it out for you as I recall having read about it some years ago.
In 1474, in Switzerland, a hen that was thought to be a cock, laid an egg. Nowadays this wouldn’t even cause concern, as it is known that certain female chickens exhibit masculine traits and even grow coxcombs. But in those days, if it looked like a cock, it was a cock, and when this intersexed chicken laid a yolkless egg, it was seen as a sign that some witch in the village was attempting to create a basilisk. A basilisk is supposedly made with a yolkless egg from a male chicken. This was of course the Devil’s work, and so the chicken was put on trial for witchcraft and the heinous crime of laying an egg.
The chicken’s attorney argued that while this may have in fact been a demonic act, it was involuntary and the chicken could no more help laying the accursed egg than any possessed person could help their actions while under the Devil’s sway.
The chicken was found guilty and burned at the stake.
The sad thing is they probably didn’t bother to baste him. Probably didn’t even eat him. What a waste.
This is the WEIRDEST and most entertaining story I’ve read all month.
The title made me rofl
It’s all true.
Okay but. The most important part of this entire story is that the chicken had legal representation. Why? Was it a legality? Was someone obligated by law to represent the chicken? or did someone just feel that strongly about its innocence?
Yes, precisely. The attorneys of the day were just beginning to work through the philosophical theories of the juxtaposition of a religious state with necessary fairness and unbiased doctrine of law. This was at a crucial point in history, a kind of nexus between the feudal and the renaissance. These types of events were somewhat commonplace.
Ideal time-travel destination: The Chicken Trial
For the defense, this was basically free practice, and if they lost the case, it wasn’t like they had lost street cred, or had to deal with the next of kin.
Indeed. It was an intellectual exercise, but it was also more than that, because it was the beginning of the notion of equal and adequate representation. Lynch mobs and backward assize courts were nothing new. Barons and lords presided over matters on a constant basis without any presumption of fair treatment or ethical judgement. No representation was given, nor guaranteed. Moments like this were the strange psychotic delusions that mandated some sort of rationality. You’ve put a chicken…a non-speaking animal, on trial. For a crime that biblical texts tell us is only possible with intent, and as the Bible indicated according to the doctrine of the time, was incapable of having such intent. So there was a moment there of absolute insanity that was reined in.
“That chicken is a witch! Put it on trial!” “But a chicken is an animal. It can’t be a witch.” “Well………it’s being used by a witch!” “But how would a witch use a chicken, and how do we get an animal to testify which witch is manipulating it?” “Well………..give it an attorney who can make that argument.”
And from there on out, the precedent was set that all people brought before the law were entitled to representation.
Now, that is not to say that became common practice, nor that all such individuals obtained even a passing assistance from their representation, but when documents, laws and documents regarding the rights of citizens began to be adopted, moments like this became pivotal.
“You mean to say you would let a chicken have an attorney, but not a man accused of petty theft? What sense does that make?”
To the point that, James I, who had himself written a book about how to find and prove a witch “forensically”, actually used common sense to show that a person was not a witch, himself acting on the witch’s behalf.
So such things were an integral part of modern western legal principles…
There is a word meaning “the tendency of nature to try to evolve a crab.” Someone noticed that a bunch of unrelated species independently arrived at “crab” as their destination, so clearly that is such a fabulous structural design that nature just occasionally looks at Thing With Shell and goes “ehhhhh fuck it, let’s make another crab.” And that person decided that there needed to be a word for this very specific thing. And thus: carcinisation.
If you add two pounds of sugar to literally one ton of concrete it will ruin the concrete and make it unable to set properly which is good to know if you wanna resist something being built, French anarchists used this to resist prison construction in the 80s
I’m just gonna go ahead and reblog this for purely educational purposes.
added bonus is that concrete now taste good
Sugar does not really do that.
What you need is citric acid (you get that to get the hard water residues out of your pots/water boiler/washing machine), looks like sugar granules.
Or concentrated vinegar.
Cement needs a high ph to bind properly. So if you add acid, it won’t properly set and/or needs 3-4 times longer.
Speaking as someone who works in the concrete forming industry: the easiest way to severely fuck up any large concrete pour is to delay it at the wrong moment.
If someone is trying to build a huge fuckoff concrete thing - say, for instance, a giant wall - they’re going to need an obscene quantity of concrete, and that’s all going to have to be transported there from the nearest mixing plant. This means they’ll have multiple trucks coming by to decant concrete in consecutive pours while the workers place it and vibrate it to ensure it all intermixes and sets properly, forming a monolithic mass. If one pour is allowed to set before the next one is added, you get a big, ugly, possibly structurally unsound gap between the two called a “cold joint.” A bad enough cold joint can completely fuck your whole project because the next engineer or inspector who sets foot on that site is going to take one look at that motherfucker and immediately embark on a quest for blood vengeance. You will literally have to cut that whole section of wall out, slap some dowels in the nearest structurally sound bits, and re-form and pour the offending segment from scratch, which represents a fortune in cost overruns and will make everyone involved very upset. This is an especially bad problem in hot climates, because the concrete curing process is exothermic - that stuff sets much faster when it’s really hot out, and its 28-day compressive strength tends to be poorer as well.
So if, hypothetically speaking, you wanted to completely shit up a wannabe dictator’s enormous unfeasible poured concrete vanity project, you could literally just randomly hassle and delay every concrete truck on its way there. Dude’s gonna end up with a giant worthless pile of shitty crumbling concrete and exposed reinforcing steel, and an army of pissed-off contractors to boot.
reblogging for purely educational purposes nothing more
Every time I hate my body I remember that there are millions of old rich white men who benefit from my self hatred and if there’s one thing I hate, it’s old rich white men so I snap out of that shit instantly cos I ain’t EVER giving them the satisfaction.
Oh my fucKING GOD
Wait stop this is a game changer.
i have reblogged this 4 times; i have thought about this every fucking day
Reminder!
“If every woman in the world woke up tomorrow and decided that she loved herself and loved her body just the way it is, how many industries would go out of business?”
IMPORTANT
Hey look a few more industries for us millennials to kill!
People need to realize that there’s a difference between straight people and Straight People™
Straight person: Hey, you got a new haircut. Looks really good.
Straight Person™: No homo, but your haircut looks good on you.
In case you were confused 👌
Just like how there are white people who are gay and then there are the White Gays
White people who are gay: “I’m gay.”
White Gays: “I can’t believe I got accused of racism after calling that person a racial slur! I mean, I know what racism looks like because I’ve been discriminated for my sexuality. How is me being racist even possible? I’M GAY!”
Lmao all the angry White and Straight people in the comments, keep reblogging
neurotypical: i don’t have any mental illnesses or disorders Neurotypical™: Happiness is a choice!! ✨✨Have you tried yoga? Drink more water and eat kale ✨✨
cis person: i identify completely as my assigned gender
Cis Person™: It doesn’t matter what you identify as, cause you still have Female Genitals! I’m not being offensive!! Read a book on Human Biology! 🚹🚺
men: I identify as male.
Men™: feminazis ruin everything, get back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich bitch
atheists: I don’t believe in god or identify with a religion
Atheists™: Don’t fucking talk to me if you believe in God. Open your closed-fucking-minds!! (usually targeted towards Christians)
nice guys: hey I know when not to invade someone’s space and I totally respect boundaries
Nice Guys™: IVE BEEN YOUR FRIEND FOR A MONTH AND NOW YOURE TELLING ME YOU DONT WANT TO FUCK ME ???? WHAT IS THE POINT OF WOMEN IF YOURE NOT HAVING SEX WITH ME?
this post got all kinds of better since I last saw it
This post is perfection across the board.
feminist: I believe in equality for everything between the sexes
Feminist™: ALL MEN ARE ASSHOLES AND SHOULD DIE! WE DONT NEED ANY OF THEM ANYWAYS AND THEY NEVER DO ANYTHING GOOD FOR US!!
Christian: I believe in God and his son Jesus
Christian™: We must Obey Bible In Everything and Take It Literally and if you don’t do it you’re Going To Hell! I’m praying for you to find God and have your sins Forgiven! Other religions are from Satan and So Is Atheism!
Hey, if you’re sick of nazis on your Tumblr but you keep on having to block new ones, Tumblr’s most recent experimental feature can probably really help you out. It’s called Reblog Graphs and you can test it here.
Basically, what it does is show you a network of how your post was reblogged and who were big influencers in getting lots of reblogs. That’s useful in general but extra usefull if you want to know who to block to get rid of shit on your dash.
For example, this post that I wrote got a lot of notes and when I use Reblog Graphs is generates this graph:
I’m the yellow dot and all the other dots are reblogs, the bigger the dot, the most reblogs originated from that reblog. Next, I can click on the dots and see who they are and what content they added. For example:
When @thatdiabolicalfeminist reblogged my post the result was a lot of supportive reblogs, helpful feedback and conversations that I want to have.
But check out the other cluster:
When wogbeginatcalais reblogged my post the result was a stream of hateful comments by white supremacist, nazi blogs and nazi trolls. Not stuff I want and one reblog started all of it.
I had blocked a lot of white supremacist blogs when the hate started, but according to Reblog Graph I missed out on quite a lot of the most important blogs that were causing my post to be noticed by these shits in the first place. By blocking key nazi dots in this chain, I can now more effectively stop nazi shits from finding my posts. Good to know!
Knowledge is knowing that Frankenstein is not the monster.
Wisdom is knowing that Frankenstein is the monster.
I said many ignorant people nowadays thought ‘Frankenstein’ was the name of the monster, and not of the scientist who created him. Mary Shelley said, ‘That’s not so ignorant after all. There are two monsters in my story, not one. And one of them, the scientist, is indeed named Frankenstein.’
(Kurt Vonnegut)
It makes you want to give Mary Shelley a high five. I’m glad she knew how brilliant she was all along.
On the topic of humans being everyone’s favorite Intergalactic versions of Gonzo the Great: Come on you guys, I’ve seen all the hilarious additions to my “humans are the friendly ones” post. We’re basically Steve Irwin meets Gonzo from the Muppets at this point. I love it.
But what if certain species of aliens have Rules for dealing with humans?
Don’t eat their food. If human food passes your lips/beak/membrane/other way of ingesting nutrients, you will never be satisfied with your ration bars again.
Don’t tell them your name. Humans can find you again once they know your name and this can be either life-saving or the absolute worst thing that could happen to you, depending on whether or not they favor you. Better to be on the safe side.
Winning a human’s favor will ensure that a great deal of luck is on your side, but if you anger them, they are wholly capable of wiping out everything you ever cared about. Do not anger them.
If you must anger them, carry a cage of X’arvizian bloodflies with you, for they resemble Earth mo-skee-toes and the human will avoid them.
This does not always work. Have a last will and testament ready.
Do not let them take you anywhere on your planet that you cannot fly a ship from. Beings who are spirited away to the human kingdom of Aria Fiv-Ti Won rarely return, and those that do are never quite the same.
Basically, humans are like the Fair Folk to some aliens and half of them are scared to death and the others are like alien teenagers who are like “I dare you to ask a human to take you to Earth”.
We knew about the planet called Earth for centuries before we made contact with its indigenous species, of course. We spent decades studying them from afar.
The first researchers had to fight for years to even get a grant, of course. They kept getting laughed out of the halls. A T-Class Death World that had not only produced sapient life, but a Stage Two civilization? It was a joke, obviously. It had to be a joke.
And then it wasn’t. And we all stopped laughing.Instead, we got very, very nervous.
That autism/ADHD feel where intellectually you KNOW something is important, but it’s just not interesting to you so for the life of you you cannot care or concentrate on it.
So if we extrapolate from this one-off line in episode fifteen, as well as this tweet by the creator and the answers given at this comic con panel from 2014, we can infer that this character’s relationship with salad is more complex than it first appears …
*pulls down sunglasses and points a flamethrower at the source material* Death of the author, baby.
“In the unlikely event that you encounter something that is not covered here, find a man named Erik Lehnsherr, get his advice, and then do the opposite.”—Charles Xavier (via incorrectx-menquotes)
