Dick: Okay, but when it’s about my life, everyone laughs.
——————–
Jason: I’m really trying, and it’s just not working.
Tim: There is no try. Only do.
Jason: I don’t think Star Wars is really going to help me right now.
Tim: *scoffs* Shows what you know.
Dick: You know, I’m proud he got that reference.
——————-
Jason: *messes up*
Bruce: *addresses the younger kids* Okay, he’s older. That means you should all learn from his mistakes or risk being just as much of a fuck-up.
Jason:Dad!
Bruce: *raises an eyebrow*
Jason: *sighs* It’s true.
——————-
Bruce: Okay Tim, you need some sleep.
Tim: You know, I’ve got enough problems in my life without you shoving your mainstream ideals and corporate agendas down my throat.
Bruce: …?
Tim: Yeah, goodnight.
———————
Dick: Okay, but if cotton shirts shrinkwhen they get wet, does that mean sheep shrink when they get wet?
Jason: Bro, sheep produce wool.
Dick: Really?
Jason: Cotton comes from a fucking plant.
Dick: *in a small voice* So…sheep….don’t shrink…..when they get….wet….?
Tim: I think your brain shrinks when it gets wet.
———————–
Damian: *walks into the kitchen at 12:00 a.m.* *sees Dick laying on the table crying*
Damian: So this is adulthood.
*like a month after that*
Damian: *walks into the kitchen late at night again* *sees Jason sitting in front of the fridge just staring while holding a jug of milk*
Damian: Is this like a thing? Does every adult in this family have mental breakdowns in the kitchen late at night?
Bruce: You’ll understand it someday.
Damian: *turns the light on* *sees Bruce sitting on the counter with a single piece of bread*
Damian: What was I born into?
———————–
*at McDonald’s*
Dick and Jason: *get their own food*
Tim and Damian: *have to share*
Damian: Dad, that’s not fair. Why do we have to share?
Jason: Because we’re older, nimrod. We’ve paid our dues.
Dick: Yeah. I’m older than all of you. Dad had to raise me before he knew what the fuck he was doing.
Bruce: Jokes on all of you. I still don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.
———————
Jason: *ruins the end of a movie the others haven’t seen*
Dick: You know, there’s a special place in hell for people like you.
Damian: Yeah, it’s this family.
——————–
*at the pediatrician’s*
Bruce and Damian: *waiting for the doctor*
Bruce: *starts opening the cabinets* *finds the latex gloves* *starts stuffing them in his pockets*
Damian: Um, Dad? What are you doing…?
Bruce: I use these when I’m working (my dad does taxidermy sometimes and he uses gloves for that). I like the ones from my doctor better. These are all meant for small hands.
Damian: Well maybe you shouldn’t be stealing from your son’s pediatrician then—or your doctor for that matter.
Bruce: Maybe your pediatrician shouldn’t have such small hands.
Damian: That is so not the problem with this situation.
(I know Bruce is hella rich, but my fam isn’t. lolol)
——————-
*getting free samples from the store*
Bruce: Okay, Jason take your jacket off and go up there again. She’s elderly and will probably think your someone else.
Jason: *rolls his eyes* *goes anyway*
Dick: Dad, that is horrible.
Bruce: Do you want lunch son?
Dick: Yes?
Bruce: Okay then. Roll your shorts up, put your hair in a ponytail, and pretend you’re my daughter.
Tim: We’re all going to hell.
———————
Dick, Tim and Jason: *fighting over what movie to watch*
Damian: *gives a suggestion* *gets ignored*
Dick, Tim and Jason: *keep fighting*
Damian: Hello!
Dick, Tim and Jason: *still ignore him* *still fighting*
Damian: I DEMAND ATTENTION, YOU ASSHOLES!
Dick, Tim and Jason: *turn to Damian in shock*
Damian: That’s right. I am capable of speaking. I may be the youngest, but I still exist.
———————-
Jason: Hey, Dick?
Dick: JUST LEAVE ME ALONE TO DIE!
Jason: What’s wrong with him?
Tim: Someone ate all the Lucky Charms.
———————-
Jason: How do you know when a fish is dead?
Dick: That’s an ominous question.
Jason: But like, how do you know?
Dick: I don’t know. Usually if they’re upside down at the top of the water.
Jason: So…laying at the bottom of bowl all pale and colorless probably means dead, right?.
Dick: JASON WHAT DID YOU DO?
Jason: I DON’T KNOW!I think I fed him too much. I mean, he just kept eating. I figured he was just that hungry!
Dick: Damian is going to kill you.
Jason: This is like his fifth fish. How attached could he have been, really?
———————–
Damian: I thought I said that this family was banned from going anywhere near my fish. Why do you all keep killing my pets? Dad freaking swallowed one!
Jason: Wow Dad. I just overfed one. At least I didn’t eat it.
Bruce: That wasn’t my fault! You shouldn’t be putting them in water bottles!
Damian: I WAS CLEANING HIS BOWL!
———————–
Tim: Why is the world against me?
Damian: Is that rhetorical or would you like me to answer?
———————–
Dick: *wakes up* I really feel like today is going to be a good day.
Dick: *spills his bowl of cereal on himself*
Dick: I’m going to go to bed now.
Bruce: Dick, you just woke up.
Dick: Well the world doesn’t seem to care!
————————
Tim: Can you have a midlife crisis at 17?
Damian: I don’t even think I’ll make it to 17.
Jason: I’m pretty sure I died the day I turned 19.
Dick: I’ve been having a midlife crisis for the past three years.
Tim: So that’s a yes.
————————
Bruce: I miss being young and childless.
Jason: As your child, that’s just so nice to hear.
————————-
Bruce: Why aren’t you in school right now?
Dick: Dad, why does life feel like an endless abyss of self-loathing and humiliation?
Bruce: …
Bruce: I’m just going to call and say you have the flu.
Honestly “queer” is so useful for people like me w/ a “complicated orientation” b/c instead of having to say I’m “asexual panromantic” and explain what that means, I can just say “I’m queer” and it tells you all you need to know (that I’m not straight).
yeah sure good for you but don’t ever ever use that word for someone who doesn’t identify as it themselves, it’s not an umbrella term for everyone. also “pan/ace” would definitely work, even if you don’t want to use it, other people could. i use ace lesbian and definitely not the q slur.
Wow its almost like they were just talking about using it on themselves for individual reasons and you butted in to be an ass and be condescending because you think you’re superior for not using queer, then you called their identity a slur right to them. But that can’t possibly be what you were trying to do, right?
Anyone is allowed to use it for themselves, I never said no one should do that if that’s what they want. Queer is a slur though. I just want people to be aware of that, I have no idea if OP is aware of that or not but some people using that word aren’t. I’m tired of people including me and other people who don’t want to be included in that word, and before anyone asks, I never meant that OP did that, because I literally have no idea if they do.
Queer is a slur as much as any other LGBT+ word, I just want you to be aware of that.
“Gay” is used as an insult. It is used to be demeaning. Its used to discriminate. And yet its used as the all mighty umbrella - gay rights, gay marriage, gay community - when discussing the entire community.
Gay gets used as a slur. Queer gets used as a slur. But I don’t walk up to gay people and say “your identity is a slur, you know that right” or get pissed when they say “the gay community” when they mean the whole community.
Personal identity and preference in terms, even harmful words that get used as slurs, are not questioned; except for the word Queer.
Queer gets shut down. Queer people get others in their faces saying “your identity is a slur!” Queer people don’t have the freedom to identify in a community, but are forced under other terms against their will due to hypocrisy and double standards.
So if you’re not going to come onto gay people’s posts for the same behavior, maybe critically analyze why exactly you feel the need to be so condescending to Queer people, specifically on posts that ONLY have to do with personal identity. Why you feel the need to insist to Queer people that their identities are slurs, to directly slap away the power of reclaiming a word from them by demanding it remain in the hands of the Straights as a perpetual slur.
I think an important difference between gay and queer is however, that queer started out as a slur used against members of the community and continues to be used as a slur in many places. Whereas gay began as a word the community chose itself to describe itself and was then later used by homophobes and heterosexuals in general in a negative way, meaning however, that gay doesn’t hold the same negative connotations as queer for many people simply because it was our word that they took, and not a word that they forced on us to make us “strange” or “other” like queer means.
That’s…. Not true. People think so because the history before gay was reclaimed is way older (older than any love community member’s lifetimes, probably,) but gay had the exact same origins.
It was meant to denote sexually perverse people, most frequently sex workers and those who hired them. Anyone who participated in anything but married, vanilla, straight sex might have been referred to as “gay,” including any suspected LGBT person.
The word (already being one frequently used on the community,) was reclaimed as a community identifier when the community wanted to disconnect from the clinical and diagnostic implications of “homosexual.”
There is record of queer being reclaimed and used as a personal identifier literally before the popularization of gay. Both words are reclaimed slurs with negative histories, and BOTH are used as slurs against the community still to this day.
The more recent history of the mid to late 20th century more prevalently favored queer as a slur, as is represented in our media. However its clearly undeniable that the switch back to gay as the popular community slur (along with the ever present f slur,) happened in the 2000s. Which is trying to be denied and rewritten by the anti queer crowd, who completely ignore the words popularity with community members who actually lived through when it was a popular slur.
Yes to all of this. When it comes to words for “not straight” there are hardly any choices that didn’t originate as ways to stigmatize or pathologize us. We are all using reclaimed slurs to describe ourselves.
Also, queer is reclaimed in a particularly empowering way. It doesn’t just mean “same-sex attraction” but encompasses a whole spectrum of attractions and gender orientations. It’s a word that says to asexuals, pansexuals, bisexuals, trans folks, genderfluid and genderqueer and genderless folks and people who are still figuring themselves out, “hey, you’ve got a home here. We don’t need to categorize you to love you.”
This is important because there are a lot of divisions within the LGBTQ+ world, and in particular cis gay men and cis lesbians often overlook or exclude trans, bi and asexual people. Queer is the only word that not only demands equal acceptance for everyone, but leaves the door open for words and descriptors that haven’t even been invented yet.
Somebody else pointed this out earlier to me, and of course I’ve lost the post, but it’s really suspicious that of all the reclaimed slurs, the one that gets the most pushback is the one that is most radically accepting of all identities
“hey, you’ve got a home here. We don’t need to categorize you to love you.”
Lmao yeah! the pushback against this idea is overt and disgusting and I don’t trust anybody who perpetuates it.
Queer is an ideology and an identity, historically and now. It is an umbrella for that ideology and an umbrella for those identities, historically and now. They can’t be conflated (with LGBT) and it’s super fucking disingenuous to pretend one is just the tarnished besmirched dirty slur version of the other. They’re different. In my particular work for example, Queer bioethics is different from LGBT bioethics and conflating the two will muddle any discussion you try to have about them because they lead to literally opposite conclusions in some cases.
Yeah I freaking love pancakes
Wait wrong post
By far the best addition to this post
This is one of those things where I feel like an old.
Like, *the* slogan I associate with pride is, “We’re here, we’re queer – get used to it!”
There was a TV show called “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” that was total mainstream pap. (Not that the show wasn’t riddles problematic elements from the concept out, but ‘queer’ in the title was clearly meant as a positive.)
I just have a hard time processing queer as anything but reclaimed.
They actually shot “Queer As Folk” in my city!
TERFs and radical gender/sexuality bianarists are flooding social media and blogging sites with propaganda smearing the word queer in the hopes of silencing all of us who don’t identify with their hate politics. I fought hard to reclaim the word queer in the late 80s and early 90s, and it’s the one word that doesn’t worship exclusion. Which is why these people are trying to convince you not to use it. fuck that noise. there is literally no word i could use to identify my sexuality that hasn’t been thrown at me in hatred, fear, and violence. No way am I giving up the one of those that allows me to talk about all of my community without trying to put people in boxes they don’t fit in.
I will never not reblog this post. Queer, queer, queer here.
“Queer” has been claimed by queer people as a self-descriptor since at least 1910. It’s an insult to those historical people (and all the generations of queer historical people who have identified as queer since then) to pretend that the people using it as a slur owned it more than the queer people who used it as a self-descriptor.
Source: George Chauncey, “Gay New York,” page 101
They don’t want us to use queer because they don’t want to be lumped in with anyone who’s not cis gay or cis lesbian. So fine. You don’t like the word queer? You don’t want to be in the “queer” community? Get the fuck out, then. Y'all don’t welcome us in your community anyway, so we’ll just have our own.
And it’ll be queer as fuck.
I fucking love the word queer ❤
Or, to put it another way, using a great old slogan of the community: I’m not gay as in happy, I’m queer as in fuck you.
Yes yes yes yes yes! These younglings today don’t know their queer history but feel so free to comment on it. Trying so desperately to assimilate into straight culture by turning your nose up at queer, and all the people who take refuge under its umbrella. Queer accepted me when nobody else would, not even the LGBT groups.
Queer is full of the types of people who don’t make good poster children for the middle class assimilationist cis gay couple just looking to get married and have some kids. Queer forces us to realize the fight didn’t end with gay marriage, and cis gays are gonna have to step out of the spotlight sometimes, and realize cis gays have privilege, and fight for someone with less. Trans people, nonbinary people, people in nontraditional relationship structures, aromantics, asexuals, sex workers. Heck more and more bisexual people these days are switching over to queer because the amount of biphobia in the so-called lgBt community is so alienating, and also because so many of us feel the term bisexual reinforces a false gender dichotomy and we’re too tired of jokes about kitchenware to use pansexual.
Part of what I love about the term queer is that it does make people uncomfortable. It makes them aware of their privilege, exposes certain biases, even within the LGBT community. What’s so wrong with a movement that strives to fight for everybody, huh? Huh?
Proudly bi, proudly queer, and being part of this movement when I was young was an honor.
Text of a manifesto originally passed out by people marching with the ACT UP contingent in the New York Gay Pride Day parade, 1990. -
An Army of Lovers Cannot Lose
Being queer is not about a right to privacy; it is about the freedom to be public, to just be who we are. It means everyday fighting oppression; homophobia, racism, misogyny, the bigotry of religious hypocrites and our own self-hatred. (We have been carefully taught to hate ourselves.) And now of course it means fighting a virus as well, and all those homo-haters who are using AIDS to wipe us off the face of the earth.
Being queer means leading a different sort of life. It’s not about the mainstream, profit-margins, patriotism, patriarchy or being assimilated. It’s not about executive directors, privilege and elitism. It’s about being on the margins, defining ourselves; it’s about gender-f— and secrets, what’s beneath the belt and deep inside the heart; it’s about the night. Being queer is “grass roots” because we know that everyone of us, every body, every c—, every heart and a– and d— is a world of pleasure waiting to be explored. Everyone of us is a world of infinite possibility.
We are an army because we have to be. We are an army because we are so powerful. (We have so much to fight for; we are the most precious of endangered species.) And we are an army of lovers because it is we who know what love is. Desire and lust, too. We invented them. We come out of the closet, face the rejection of society, face firing squads, just to love each other! Every time we f—, we win.
We must fight for ourselves (no else is going to do it) and if in that process we bring greater freedom to the world at large then great. (We’ve given so much to that world: democracy, all the arts, the concepts of love, philosophy and the soul, to name just a few of the gifts from our ancient Greek Dykes, Fags.) Let’s make every space a Lesbian and Gay space. Every street a part of our sexual geography. A city of yearning and then total satisfaction. A city and a country where we can be safe and free and more. We must look at our lives and see what’s best in them, see what is queer and what is straight and let that straight chaff fall away! Remember there is so, so little time. And I want to be a lover of each and every one of you. Next year, we march naked.
guys. if you go to college and want to study our history and current political climate etc? do you know what that department is called? “Queer Studies”. So could you fucking stop, you little babies.
I am officially Old as Fuck ™ compared to most Tumblrites.
I came of age after they discovered HIV and before they discovered how to treat it. THAT is how old I am.
I worked and marched with friends and loved ones and the banner that brought everyone together was “Queer.” The word doesn’t need to be reclaimed. It has been reclaimed. Before a lot of y’all were ever born.
Trying to school your elders about shit of which you know nothing doesn’t build community. It’s part of a rejection of the idea that the LGBTQ community is multigenerational. It’s a rejection of the idea that there is gay, lesbian, QUEER life after 30. Its refusing to consider that those who went before did an awful damn lot to make where you are now possible.
Romani are usually excluded whenever the topic of the Holocaust/WW2 comes up, so it’s not all too surprising that the Romani Day of Resistance is very unknown to the majority. But it should be celebrated and embraced since it represents a change in the way Romani culture and identity appear in public space - where a history of resistance replaces a history of oppression:
On 15 May 1944, the underground resistance movement in the Auschwitz, Birkenau concentration camp
BIIe
warned the Roma that the SS guards were planning to round up the nearly 6,000 Roma and Sinti prisoners and send them to the gas chambers.
On the morning of 16 May, the Romani prisoners did not show up for the usual morning roll call and ceased cooperating with the SS guards.
The Roma barricaded themselves into their shanties. They had broken into an equipment warehouse and armed themselves with hammers, pickaxes and shovels, taking apart the wooden sections of the bunks they slept on to make wooden stakes.
When the SS guards approached the area, they were met with armed resistance from the inmates.
The prisoners forced the guards into retreat, and though some prisoners were shot that night, the act of resistance allowed the Roma and Sinti prisoners to put off execution for several more months.
The SS were in shock because they had completely failed to anticipate this resistance. Concerned they might lose more men and that the uprising might spread to other parts of Auschwitz, they retreated from camp BIIe.
No Roma died in the gas chambers that day. The Nazis subsequently put the prisoners of BIIe on a starvation diet.
Later, on 23 May 1944 the Nazis moved 1,500 of the strongest Romani prisoners to Auschwitz I, many of whom were then sent to Buchenwald concentration camp.
On 25 May 1944, 82 Romani men were transported to the Flossenburg concentration camp and 144 young Romani women were sent to the Ravensbrück concentration camp.
Less than 3,000 Romani prisoners remained in the family camp at BIIe, most of them children.
On 2 August 1944, the Nazis gassed all the remaining Romani prisoners to death in gas chamber V, although the Roma fought back on that dark night as well.
In Hungary the 2nd of August was designated in 2005 by the Parliament as “Roma and Sinti Genocide Remembrance Day”, yet most European countries make no or insufficient mention of the Roma victims in their official position regarding the Holocaust.
Roma are still misrepresented by stereotypes that overshadow our culture and real identity and it should be needless to say that Europe should put some effort on making the Roma genocide widely known and recognized, to serve as a counterforce to the increasingly violent rhetoric and action against the Roma because and through them. Yet it does not seem like anything like that will happen any time soon.
& Yes, please reblog this to make at least some of our history known.
Did I ever tell you all about the time a kid in my high school literally pretended to drink a thing of Windex so the teachers would panic and send him to the hospital and he wouldn’t have to take the test
Alrighty here is the Windex Kid Story:
We had this HUGE test that day. There was a big party the night before and we were all so exhausted; I don’t think I’ve ever been in a more tired and unprepared class. I include myself in this, as I was making interval trips to the bathroom because I ate so much sugar the night before that I was throwing up the whole next day. Needless to say, we didn’t want to do the test and literally looked and felt like zombies. Girls were crying, boys were laying on the floor sweating profusely. It was weird and gross.
So there was this boy, the Windex Kid. I think his name was Jed or something. He was this really quiet boy who always was reading and didn’t make much of an impression until The Day. Five minutes before the test, in the cafeteria, he took the Windex bottle from the cleaning closest, emptied it and poured his blue Gatorade in it. Put it in his backpack and we went into the classroom, not really paying attention to what he did a minute prior.
It was all quite grand and not unlike a movie scene. The test is about to start. We all are ready to fail and our grades to crash for the semester. I’m ready to vomit again. Windex Kid stands up says in a loud voice “FUCK THIS TEST” and proceeded to drink the Gatorade out of the Windex bottle.
Naturally, it looks just Ike Windex and the teacher panics, thinking a kid just poisoned himself in her class. She calls 911 in a panic. The ambulance comes. We all get sent home early as he’s taken to the hospital where they would soon discover that all there was was Gatorade in his stomach. He was a real hero; he took a bullet for the team. His legacy is still spoken about in that school, my younger brother confirms. Afterwards, he slipped back into oblivion and his books. His glimmer of fame vanished into the darkness, not unlike himself.
I still think about him sometimes and wonder what he’s doing with his life. I’m sure whatever it is, it’s fantastic.
i’m going to articulate this poorly because words aren’t my strong suit but
there’s no “other side” to the holocaust. there is no “other side” to genocide. it’s wrong, full stop. to argue for it even hypothetically is a monstrous thing to do.
the nazis need “humanising” only insofar as to maintain the understanding that people are capable of doing such evil, and to keep watch of ourselves to make sure something like the holocaust doesn’t happen again.
nobody needs to humanise the nazis to “understand their side of the story.” their side is void and wrong and worthless. current neonazis and holocaust deniers are the new breed of this evil and should be stamped out, not have their viewpoints and arguments and beliefs taught in schools as a valid system of beliefs.
*puts a gentle hand on your shoulder* thank you for this post
there are many kinds of bears all of them will mess up your refrigerator
otters can fit under, on, or next to your kayak so what’s the problem
wolves are prehistoric proto-dogs that never left of course they’re huge they are the final evolution that we purposefully chose not to let happen they are almost big enough to ride but you’ll be dead before you or your child can mount one don’t do it
rodents ok
moose and buffalo can both fit two or three of what people think moose and buffalo are. don’t let bullwinkle take your car keys he doesn’t even fit
pigs are proto-boars. that means they are huge once they’re adults but still quite big at adolescents. big enough for wrasslin but I don’t wanna die
Fuck coyotes
foxes vary. some are tiny. cat sized. diminutive. babies but adults.
i warned you about bears, bro. i told you, dawg
platypus are TINY. like, kitten small. A+ smols.
Deer are smaller than you think - stags are larger but not huge, hit em with your car and you’ll dent the deer and write off the car.
Rats are larger than you think. Don’t let that cartoon fool you. if a rat is on your head, you’re gonna look like a RAT IS ON YOUR HEAD. large hat or no.
Pigs are bigger than you expect by quite a bit.
Wild boar WILL KILL YOU.
Hare are not rabbits. They are swol rabbits. think baby kangaroos.
I saw a manta ray once while scuba diving and it was the size of a fucking car.
For @littlestartopaz : Steve
catches Wanda sulking and invites her to Disney Night with Nat and Clint. Wanda teases him, and Vision ends up there
too. Better yet, not MCU so we can also
have her brother. Or just ignore that
part of the MCU.
GOOD.
Also, Quicksilver is alive and healthy after a while in a healing coma,
as speedsters do. I read a wild AU once
where he was shot and died, and the comments were full of complaints about how
it didn’t make sense. I am RIGHT THIS
MOMENT deciding that this fic and this and this and possibly some others with small tweaks exist in the
same universe as this one
(I do not have a timeline to speak of) and also I’m disregarding that same wild AU’s belief that
Clint lives? On a farm? Rather than a shitty apartment building in
NYC and the Tower/Mansion? And that Nat and
Clint are not soulmates on a level that makes romance look downright petty,
kay-thanks-bye. AND also I’m so glad we
all remember how Wanda and Pietro were kids who were pressganged and conned
into service of HYDRA rather than being voluntary recruits.
It wasn’t like Wanda had expected her relationship with Pietro to be all
roses after he came out of his coma, but her worry had also done a spectacular
job of blurring out some of his less desirable qualities as a brother. Like, just for example, his overwhelming, pointless, overprotective bullshit. She muttered a bitter Sokovian curse under
her breath and stripped off her jacket, dropping it on the bed without a care
for the soot that would certainly stain her sheets. The rest of her uniform was given the same
careless treatment, abandoned on the floor as she yanked on a pair of leggings
and a soft shirt two sizes too big.
She wasn’t even sure who she was more frustrated with—Pietro, for
yanking her out of the way of a spider ‘bot that she could have taken care of,
or herself, for losing focus for long enough to let him take the hit for her. Someday, he was going to suddenly realize
that his fragile twin sister had gone and turned into an adult while he was
busy fending off the world. She hoped it
was sooner rather than later, or she might have to beat it into him. Assuming he even lived that long, which was
beginning to look increasingly unlikely.
“Stupid nervous bastard,” she muttered in English, and flopped down on
her bed, flat on her back with her fingers laced over her face. “Martyr.”
“Hazard of the profession,” Steve’s voice said, amused. Wanda turned her head, untangling her fingers
to look toward the door, where Steve was leaning against her doorjamb. He was dressed in sweats and a t-shirt,
standard fare for any of them after showering upon returning from a
mission. His hair was a rumpled mess and
he had a nasty purple and blue bruise marbling over one cheek, where Bruce had
diagnosed a cracked zygomatic. In
combination with the blood that had been leaking from a split in his lip,
Natasha had cheerfully commented that he was looking very patriotic indeed.
“Put ice on your face,” she said, frowning at him across the landscape
of her comforter. Steve grinned at her,
and winced, raising the cold pack in his hand back to his cheek.
“Like I said,” Steve said. His voice
was muffled, but his eyes were bright and wild with adrenaline, like blue fire. “We’re all fucking martyrs, or so I’m told. Your brother just wants to keep you safe.”
“Well, I just spent months at
his bedside because he took eight bullets to the chest and severed his spine,”
Wanda said, sitting up sharply. “So he
can get over it.”
A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound.
The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way.
Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.
The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier.
The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”
The man says, “All right, all right. I’m *dying* to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?”
The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.”
The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.”
The monks reply, “Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.”
The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is right behind that door.”
The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, “Real funny. May I have the key?”
The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.
Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone.
The man demands the key to the stone door.
The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby.
He demands another key from the monks, who provide it.
Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire.
So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.”
The man is relieved to no end.
He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.
But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk
the way i learned this, it was always told through spoken word. And you’d do the door thing for ages. AGES. literally just making up any old material. ‘behind the foam door is a door made of spinach’ that kind of shit. Go on until whoever is listening has already begged you to stop and has now gone on to pleading, clutching your shirt on their knees pleading. And when you finally said the last line? People went fucking nuts Like there was a good chance of just getting the teeth knocked out of you after telling that joke.
A friend of mine did that shit for 30 minutes on a camp once. The entire fucking bus just exploded in anger when she finished. It was a fucking massacre.
Dancing under the moon light in a grassy field in Alabama with your S. O., you notice that the lightning bugs that had started out as only a few clusters were now completely surrounding you in a tornado of bugs. After staring at them for a few minutes, you look back at your S. O. They now have a face of a giant bug. What happens?
They’re an animorph, and they’re ready to take off as a firefly in an attempt to infiltrate a new Yeerk facility.
jesus could absolutely, unequivocally beat the shit out of richard dawkins. i’m not saying he would, just that he absolutely could. like, round one knockout, whole fight uploaded to vine, embarrassing. dawkins’ feeble, mortal body crumbling to the mat. he finally saw jesus, but never saw those hands coming. richard dawkins searching for god while he’s in la-la land. no fucking chance for old man honeyjars. down for the count as the entire arena converts to christianity on the spot
So… I have a guilty love of the prohibition era. I’dd never want to LIVE then, but int terms of really interesting social dynamics, fashion, art and narrative possibility, its really, really interesting. During the ‘Would-Bacta-work-as-lube?“ question posed by @poplitealqueen a few months ago, I set about scouring-SCOURING, I TELL YOU- Wookieepedia and all my SW-related material to find out what Bacta actually COST, and how it operated, to answer the question of whether it was economically and practically feasible. And I found out that:
1. It apparently makes ideal lube, as long as you don’t mind the smell of Pineapple.
2. It’s basically ultra-thick saline with suspended nutrients and ACTUAL BACTERIA in it.
(so, these next couple conclusions are made in the face of conflicting canons, but it’s the one that makes the most sense for how shit plays out)
3. Bacta is the GMO reconstruction of Kolto, which is a psuedo-parastic microorganism that may or may not be related to midichlorians that alters it’s DNA to turn into the host’s cells. (IDK it’s science fiction, roll with it) Kolto was the more effective substance, able to treat things like cirrhosis, brain damage, etc,- but was wiped out by a virus during the KOTOR era as part of a plot to get rid of the Jedi.
Good job guys.
So Bacta is the GMO they managed to cobble together afterwards with the remaining info they had, and while it’s pretty miraculous as a traumatic injury treatment, it doesn’t do chronic diseases like Kolto did
4. Bacta is literally grown in cultured vats, much the way insulin is farmed today.
5. While it’s heavily regulated in the TPM era, because it’s MEDICAL EQUIPMENT, it’s still really easy to grow once you get your startup costs out of the way.
6. The expensive part of bacta is the administration devices- bacta doesn’t do well in tubes, so you either need to keep a small live colony (a bacta tank ala ESB), or flash-freeze them in the ultra thick saline, and have a small…bacterial microwave, essentially, to thaw bits of it out for use.
7. During the clone wars, Palpatine subsidized the crap out of the bacta industry so he’d have enough for his army and the worlds loyal to him- post 66, he was a punitive asshole who controlled all “legitimate” (but not necessarily well-run) bacta production, and would just not ship it to worlds he didn’t like.
The point I’m getting at is- The conditions are PERFECT for there to be a massive Bootleg Bacta trade starting in TPM and going all through the empire (and into TFA probably, we’ll see what the timeline looks like once this all shakes out) Just thing- ALL the shenanigans people got up to with bootlegging, but with bacta.
People with illicit ‘stills’ in the basement, people doing insane planetary runs to get it to worlds in need- or pirating Imperial ships for the stuff. Kids going to school with an “ice pack” in their lunch bag, only to give the frozen bacta to their Rebel-sympathizing teacher. Imperial Facilities get raided by Bacta Pirates, not for the shitty imperial strain, but literally to pull the piping and saline tanks out of the walls.
Of course, some people are gonna be unscrupulous and cut corners with their vats, resulting in horrible mutant strains that do god knows what (but that’s another plot bunny). Or Strains of bacta that are more refined and effective, because much of the scientific Community was not friends with Sheevy P, even before the war.
AND CLONES WOULD KICK ASS AT BACTA FARMING- because a LOT of bacta farming happened On Kamino, and hell, it was probably part of chores to tend to the tanks. “Feed the vats so your brothers can live”
The HARD part about starting your own farm is 1. finding/making suitable vats 2. GETTING YOUR HANDS ON A GOOD STRAIN.
Kix becomes an unintentional fucktillionaire distributing the Kamino strain. He wasn’t even charging, people just kept giving him money.
“Uncle Jesse’s Extra-Viscosity Varmint Grease” is the joke name of the best strain. Kix is SO MAD that drunk Jesse named it that but you know? No imp inspection officer has ever wanted to open those barrels.
The things people pretend to be shipping instead of bacta though, which might actually include booze:
"Booze! Twelve million gallons of Zanbar Blue!“ “Oh that stuff is gross. Carry on.”
Also, the REALLY enterprising people who figure out how to start mixing spice in with their bacta- and create a medical revolution in the process. Glitterstim is a bad idea to snort, but the trace amounts in the “Candy Cane” strain heal nerve damage! "Pineapple express” is a strain that essentially acts as a topical PTSD treatment "Beskar Berserker” is a strain that has some pretty awesome painkiller/amphetamine combo, and while it was meant to keep people from coding, it becomes REALLY popular with former ARC troopers.
Hera gets Kanan a strain called “second sight” after he loses his eyes. She did it because it was supposed to be good for treating optic injuries and numbing visual hallucinations… they find out later it’s basically bacta + Midichlorian chow.
Anyway, this was a fun thought, please feel free to play with it if you want and tell me all about it
This is such a cool idea! If anyone decides to run with this, here are some facts about bacteria-growing to consider in case it helps (I’ve worked in a bio lab).
Bacteria can be frozen down at around -70˚C with a bit of glycerol (presumably the “ultra thick” descriptor of the saline). This doesn’t hurt the bacteria and it can be re-grown simply by scraping a bit off the frozen tube and rubbing it on an agar plate. You then pick the colonies that look right on the plate and grow only those ones.
It’s really hard to grow the bacteria you want and only the bacteria you want. The good bacta strains have probably been engineered to have resistances to some cheap and common antibiotics. The plates, ultra thick saline and any growth broth would contain these antibiotics to help limit bad/useless strains.
It’s an ongoing struggle to keep everything reasonably clean and sterile to prevent bad/useless strains from growing. There’s probably space-technology that makes it easy and the illegal stills may or may not have access to them.
Bacteria that interact with human bodies grow best at 37˚C (internal human body temperature) and when they’re shaken. The vats would absolutely be as sealed as possible. They would also have to be purified out of the growth broth and put in the ultra thick saline for use in humans.
Lots of bacteria are kind of smelly when they grow up to large numbers. A well-seasoned lab person can tell if the good kind or bad/useless kinds have grown just by the smell. Pro-tip: some bad/useless kinds smell rank.
OH MY GOD YOU ARE THE BEST
I’m running another EotE game soon and bacta-farming is almost certainly going to come up.
The concept of humanly toasty vibrating tanks is HILARIOUS tho, becuase we have a cat-dude in the party.
I figure that if SW has whatever magical tech that keeps kamino’s pristine halls pristine despite being occupied bu appx 5 million teenage boys, your average bootlegger can keep a few hot vibrating tanks reasonably clean. Space Windex or whatever.
*slams hands* man im curious. People following me who haven’t read or watched FMA (bless your patient hearts) what’s the most confusing thing about the series you’ve seen me say/reblog/tag?
I’m a huge slut for out-of-context interpretation
Congratulations anon you stumbled upon THE SHOW’S VERY OWN FAVORITE RECURRING JOKE
The little one, Ed, is in fact the Fullmetal Alchemist. There are at least 10+ instances in the show of some secondary characters being like “Hey the Fullmetal Alchemist and his brother are here” *both look to Ed and Al* “Yes I understand why they call him Fullmetal in that large suit of armor also who’s the short kid?”
1. Doctor finds anecdotal evidence that people are passing kidney stones after riding on Big Thunder Mountain Railroad at Disney World
2. Doctor makes 3-D model of kidney, complete with stones and urine (his own), takes it on Big Thunder Mountain Railroad 60 times
3. “The stones passed 63.89 percent of the time while the kidneys were in the back of the car. When they were in the front, the passage rate was only 16.67 percent. That’s based on only 60 rides on a single coaster, and Wartinger guards his excitement in the journal article: ‘Preliminary study findings support the anecdotal evidence that a ride on a moderate-intensity roller coaster could benefit some patients with small kidney stones.’”
4. “Some rides are going to be more advantageous for some patients than other rides. So I wouldn’t say that the only ride that helps you pass stones is Big Thunder Mountain. That’s grossly inaccurate.”
5. “His advice for now: If you know you have a stone that’s smaller than five millimeters, riding a series of roller coasters could help you pass that stone before it gets to an obstructive size and either causes debilitating colic or requires a $10,000 procedure to try and break it up. And even once a stone is broken up using shock waves, tiny fragments and “dust” remain that need to be passed. The coaster could help with that, too.”
SCIENCE: IT WORKS
Update:
“In all, we used 174 kidney stones of varying shapes, sizes and weights to see if each model worked on the same ride and on two other roller coasters,” Wartinger said. “Big Thunder Mountain was the only one that worked. We tried Space Mountain and Aerosmith’s Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster and both failed.”Wartinger went on to explain that these other rides are too fast and too violent with a G-force that pins the stone into the kidney and doesn’t allow it to pass.“The ideal coaster is rough and quick with some twists and turns, but no upside down or inverted movements,” he said.
it really bothers me that so many people on this site treat ableism like it’s black and white.
just now i saw a post where op was like “i’m glad that spinners are popular because it normalizes fidgets and decreases stigma” and someone replied like “no!! it’s absolutely TERRIBLE that neurotypicals are using these fidgets because when they get in trouble they make things harder for mentally ill kids!!” and like you guys do realize that? you’re both right? it isn’t a decisive fact that neurotypicals using fidgets is either good or bad, there are both benefits and consequences that need to be taken into consideration.
a few months ago there was a post going around that was like, *neurotypical voice* why are you bouncing your leg, and somebody reblogged it saying that the post was ableist because autistic kids can get overstimulated by leg bouncing. i go to a school for the mentally disabled, and i’ve been in this exact scenario, my classmate wasn’t able to focus because i was bouncing my leg and although i felt bad i told him that i wouldn’t be able to stop for long because i do it subconsciously due to my adhd. he wasn’t being ableist for asking me to stop, and i wasn’t being ableist for saying i couldn’t, we just both had different needs. in the end, our compromise was that i went to work in the computer lab.
you have to understand that there is always more than one side to issues like these, and that we should be striving for understanding and balance over demonization of one side and blind support of the other. this is especially relevant when people on both sides are mentally ill or disabled, because sometimes symptoms will clash and you just need to deal with it.
researching 17th century piracy tonight. came across this:
One popular pastime amongst pirates was the mock trial. Each man played a part be it jailer, lawyer, judge, juror, or hangman. This sham court arrested, tried, convicted, and “carried out” the sentence to the amusement of all. (x)
how widespread could this have really been? how would it have gotten passed from ship to ship? can you imagine a pirate crew at a tavern, bragging to another pirate crew about how good they are at playing pretend? why was their go-to game “legal system”? were they performing incisive satire? is this some sort of pirates-only inside joke that’s been lost to the ages?
update: the mock-charge in the mock-trial was piracy
they used to pretend to try each other for piracy
as a stress relief
ok but it’s got to have been a lot of fun to be the pirate defense lawyer, for the pirate accused of piracy, to attempt to argue to the pirate judge, in front of a jury of pirate peers, that your client could not possibly be a pirate
!!!
“Look, matey, I know a pirate when I see one, and I’m looking at one right now.”
“No no he’s not a pirate, he’s, he’s law abidin’! Remarkable man, the Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!”
there’s a lot of evidence that the iliad and the odyssey were actually composed by a variety of poets through an oral tradition rather than just by one poet, so what if the homeric texts are actually just a very long game of D&D
homer, the dm: okay achilles, agamemnon has just taken away your war prize, what do you want to do achilles’ player: i roll to have a diplomatic conversation with agamemnon achilles’ player: *rolls a 1* homer: you throw the staff of speaking at agamemnon’s face and storm off to sulk with your boyfriend
Homer, the DM: Your beautiful Patroclus is dead. What do you do? Achilles’ player: I fight everyone. Homer, the DM: You can’t fight everyone. How would you even– Achilles’ player: *rolls a 20* I fight everyone. Homer, the DM: *sighs* Fine. You cut a path through the Trojan army, enemy dead strewn in your wake. Achilles’ player: How many? Homer, the DM: …lots. Enough to clog the friggin’ river with bodies. Achilles’ player: I fight the river. Homer, the DM: You. can. not. fight. the. river. Achilles’ player: *reaches for dice*
ok, but like odysseus’s player was definitely the asshole who fucks up every plot point homer wanted to introduce into the story. agamemnon accidentally orders everybody to go home and the troops are about to set sail? odysseus’s diplomacy modifier says otherwise. some asshole’s trying to provoke mutiny and desertion in the ranks? an intimidate check makes it not a problem. they’re losing battle after battle? stealth check into the enemy camp and straight up sneak attack the sleeping trojan allies to death. achilles is dead and the war is all but lost? FUCK YOU my giant wooden horse and my bluff beg to differ.
when it comes time for odysseus to play his solo campaign, the DM just rubs his hands together ominously and laughs.
there’s a lot of evidence that the iliad and the odyssey were actually composed by a variety of poets through an oral tradition rather than just by one poet, so what if the homeric texts are actually just a very long game of D&D
homer, the dm: okay achilles, agamemnon has just taken away your war prize, what do you want to do achilles’ player: i roll to have a diplomatic conversation with agamemnon achilles’ player: *rolls a 1* homer: you throw the staff of speaking at agamemnon’s face and storm off to sulk with your boyfriend
Homer, the DM: Your beautiful Patroclus is dead. What do you do? Achilles’ player: I fight everyone. Homer, the DM: You can’t fight everyone. How would you even– Achilles’ player: *rolls a 20* I fight everyone. Homer, the DM: *sighs* Fine. You cut a path through the Trojan army, enemy dead strewn in your wake. Achilles’ player: How many? Homer, the DM: …lots. Enough to clog the friggin’ river with bodies. Achilles’ player: I fight the river. Homer, the DM: You. can. not. fight. the. river. Achilles’ player: *reaches for dice*
Homer, the DM: You spot your enemy in battle. What do you do? Paris’ player: I fire an arrow at him, ignoring his armor. *rolls a 6 for accuracy* Homer, the DM: You hit him where he has no armor, but in a non-vital area. Achilles’ player: Damage done? Paris’ player:*rolls a natural 20, gets a 4 point bonus from Rage* Homer, the DM: Lethal. Achilles’ player: Fuck…
Homer, the DM: Alright,
your wife’s suitors are attempting to string your bow. *rolls behind screen a
few times* A few of them fail miserably.
Odysseus’s player:
Alright, let me try. I pick up the bow.
Homer, the DM: The
suitors begin laughing and jeering at you. Give me a strength check.
Odysseus’s player: *rolls
nat 20*
Homer, the DM:
You string the bow. Thunder booms. A cat dies in a nearby house. One of the
suitors busts a nut. Your glamour is starting to wear off.
Odysseus’s player: As
my glamour wears off, I shoot an arrow through all three hoops at the target.
*rolls nat 20*
Homer, the DM:
The arrow flies through the hoops and skewers the target. The suitors notice
your glamour wear off and are terrified. None of them have ever seen you in
person, though, so none of them recognise you.
jewish men really broke their backs to make their place in the comics industry and make a powerful statement back in the 40´s/50′s and now comic companies use nazi imagery because they think it looks cool. real life nazis are making a comeback and they legit turned heroic symbols into nazi propaganda. marvel and dc really are doing that. wow
What if I titled this paper “Fuck Nick Spencer: Time for Authors to Take Responsibility” and just ended it with a picture of me flipping off my teacher
everyone acts like bucky was the troublemaker in the steve/bucky relationship but steve picked fights with everything that moved and bucky went to a science convention for fun
You know I’m surprised the Galra aren’t terrified of humans like they kidnapped three of them and then four more shot off into space and promptly formed Voltron and killed their emperor in what I assume to be a few months
Like I would just leave earth the fuck alone after that shit
not to mention that the very first one they put in the arena beat their reigning champion
I just heard this woman say “you procrastinate because you are afraid of rejection. It’s a defense mechanism, you are trying to protect yourself without even trying.” and I think I just realized what was wrong with me.
Yep, this is a very, very common reason for procrastinating. It’s also why procrastination, even though it’s often associated with laziness, is a fairly common trait in a lot of people with anxiety and perfectionism issues.
This idea - You’re not lazy, you’re protecting yourself - hit me really hard while reading, of all things, Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are, which turns out to be as much about how brains work and how relationships work as how orgasms work.
In an early part of the book she talks about Fight/Flight/Freeze responses to threats–the example she uses is being attacked by a lion. You fight, if you think you can defeat the lion; you run away, if you think you can escape the lion; and when you think there’s nothing you can do, when you feel the lion’s jaws closing on your neck, you freeze, because dying will hurt less that way. You just stop and go numb and wait for it to be over, because that is the last way to protect any scrap of yourself.
Later in the book, she talks about the brain process that motivates you to pursue incentives, describing it as a little monitor that gauges your progress toward a goal versus the effort you’re expending. If it feels like too little progress is being made you get frustrated, get angry, and, eventually, you… despair. You stop trying.
You go numb and wait for it to be over, because that’s the only way left to protect yourself.
So it occurred to me that these are basically the same thing–when facing a difficult task, where failure feels like a Threat, you can get frustrated and fight it out–INCREASE DOING THE THING until you get where you’re going. Or you can flee–try to solve the problem some other way than straight on, changing your goal, changing your approach, whatever. Fight or flight.
But both of those only apply when you think the problem is solvable, right? If the problem isn’t solvable, then you freeze. You despair.
And if you’re one of those Smart Kids (Smart Girls, especially) who was praised for being smart so that all tasks in the world came to be divided between Ooh This Is Easy and I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN DO THAT AND IF I FUCK UP I WILL DIE, then… it’s pretty easy to see how you lose the frustration/anger stage of working toward a goal, because your brain goes straight to freeze/despair every time. Things are easy and routine or they are straight up impossible.
So, you know, any time you manage to pull yourself up and give that lion a smack on the nose, or go stumbling away from it instead of just falling down like a fainting goat as soon as you spot it on the horizon, give yourself a gold star from me. Because this is some deeply wired survival-brain stuff. Even if logically you know that that term paper is not a lion, it really is like that sometimes.
[…] Boyega is fast becoming one of the most recognizable – and bankable – stars working today. As Josh Gad said of Boyega during the panel for The Last Jedi panel at Star Wars Celebration, he’s already a cultural icon thanks to his role in Star Wars. As Boyega continues to gain more and more fame for roles outside of Finn, we could be watching the birth of Hollywood’s next big star, in the vein of leading men such as Will Smith, Tom Cruise, and George Clooney.
[…] His post-Force Awakens career choices have all been smartly made, balancing sci-fi with realism. In particular, his choice to take the lead in Bigelow’s upcoming film shows a savvy when it comes to choosing roles. Bigelow’s work is consistently in the running for best picture, so needless to say her return to film is already generating Oscar buzz. As the film’s frontman, Boyega will no doubt receive similar buzz, potentially elevating him to a critical darling as well as box office draw. His decision to launch his own production company, Upper Room Productions, also marks another intelligent career move; Upper Room Productions will also be one of the companies producing Pacific Rim Uprising. Not only does this give Boyega more creative control over his own roles but it also gives him a much more versatile skill set, ensuring he’s not relegated solely to work in front fo the camera.
[…] It is that charm that will help him make the leap from character actor to bonafide star. It takes charisma to be a true movie star, and Boyega has that in spades. Videos of him reacting to The Force Awakens‘s trailer have view counts in the millions. His interviews are, if you’ll pardon the fangirl terms, a vortex of charm. Stars such as Smith or Clooney are very charismatic; it’s part of their inherent charm. Boyega has enough charisma even at this early point in his career that he could probably hold his own in a film with them. After all, he managed to more than hold his own next to Ford. Is there anything he can’t do?
Most importantly, Boyega is a breath of fresh air. He is passionate about his art, and it shows in his performances. Gone are the days of simply coasting to stardom on looks and a role in a big budget franchise. Boyega works hard at his craft and yet is effortlessly charming. He deserves stardom, and in fact seems born for it given the graceful way he’s accepted his newfound Star Wars fame. There is no worry about whether or not he’ll burn out after Episode IX concludes. Instead, it’s become a discussion of whether or not he’ll receive his first Oscar nomination by the time he’s thirty.
if you don’t acknowledge that platonic relationships might be the most important ones in somebody’s life, just remember that the trap that vader & palpatine tried to set for luke at cloud city pretty completely relied on that fact and sith lords are officially better at this than you are
do
do you think they somehow figured out that was the only way this was gonna work for them
like i don’t know how you’d even figure out but
do you think palps was just like “aw yeah. gonna corrupt another skywalker. easy-peasy. same as last time. we just gotta wait for him to fall in love and – OH COME ON”
it’s even better because luke is a pretty friendly dude, so presumably palpatine had to go through all the spy reports and figure out who his BFFs were out of basically the entire rebel alliance. his gunner dak? fellow pilot wedge antilles?? who?????
meanwhile vader’s lurking in a corner going “wow my son has so many friends, he must be a great guy. do you… do you think he’d like me?”
“HE IS A TRAITOR ON THE RUN FROM THE EMPIRE, HOW DOES HE EVEN MEET ALL THESE PEOPLE,” shouts palpatine as he scrolls through tagged photo after tagged photo on rebel facebook.
this is the best caption anyone else has added to this post since i made it thank you for your contribution
i used to get self-conscious over the smallest things but friends let me tell you that today i had to smuggle a furious 8ft python onto the bus during the school rush and not a single person noticed. not one. if people don’t care enough to notice a shopping bag writhing and seething with barely-contained reptilian hatred then i promise you that no-one will pay any attention to that blemish you’re fretting about or how you’ve done your hair
Question, why are you bringing a 8 ft python into a public bus? You know that this reptile can kill anyone inside there?
buddy she’s a snake not a flying death tentacle
snakes are not evil killers out for blood, and length doesn’t mean lethality! my biggest guy is 11 ft– if i have him around my neck, both his face and his tail touch the floor– and even his species struggles to take down anything bigger than a small-to-medium dog
the worst damage that my 8fter is capable of is when she decides to do an impression of a blood-pressure cuff and makes my arm go a bit purple, and even that’s just when i humour her dreams of being big and scary and let her squeeze her hardest before i unwind her like a bratty garden hose
as long as you’re not some sort of magical tumblring rat, you’re fine
Okay, I gotta ask…
1. Why was she angry?
2. Where were you taking her on the bus? Is there a leash-free snake park where you live?
I need to know.
1. she’s a cranky ass in general, but her mood was absolutely not improved by eating a bit of a snake hook, getting stuffed in a sack, experiencing an hour of adelaide’s finest public transport, and having a vet jam a tube into her stomach
2. i think all of australia is technically a leash-free snake park tbh
I am so glad there was follow up on this post explaining why the snake was on the bus!!!
I just love the myth of Persephone, i mean the real, original version of it, because it’s not like she got kidnapped, no, this bitch was la-de-da-ing in a meadow and she just happened to find an entrance to the Underworld and she was like “Imma check this out”. And she just wanders into the Underworld and discovers that hey this place ain’t too bad.
Meanwhile Hades is in the background “????? UM??? PRETTY GIRL??? WHY ARE YOU HERE?????? YOU AREN’T DEAD???”
And Persephone (who was originally called Kore just a little fyi) just looked at him and said “I like it here. I’m staying.”
And Hades kinda just went with it, until Demeter started throwing the temper tantrum of the millenium upstairs and Zeus had to intervene because this shit was getting out of hand and its actually his job to be admistrator of justice. Which considering the shit he gets up to is kinda histerical but that’s another story there.
And basically Persephone wasn’t a prisoner or kidnap victim at all she just really loved the Underworld and her (eventual) husband, and the Greeks feared her arguably more than her husband because Hades could be reasoned with but Persephone was the one laying the smack down on sinners, and really, who wouldn’t be at least a little scared of someone who’s name means something along the lines of “the destroyer”
Basically, Persephone is amazing and everbody needs to get on her level
i think the best part of that myth is that Zeus decided to change Kore’s name to Persephone (basically “the one who brings chaos”) only because she wanted to stay in the underworld and SHE WOULDN’T FUCKING LISTEN then Zeus, all-mighty king of the gods, kinda gives up and goes “fine, but you’re going to visit your mom” “also, I changed your name” “get rekt”
Also, if I’m not mistaken, Kore means “little girl” so imagine going from that to “chaos bringer”
I mean, going from little girl to chaos bringer sounds like a p solid deal to me, sign me up.
This may not be the version of the myth that’s commonly known and taught. But is is the original, from before it was altered to scare Greek/Roman girls into submission. Persephone was a badass bitch.
Chug your ale each time Dickens introduces a new character.
Do a shot each time you look over your shoulder during 1984. Two shots if you get up to close the curtains.
Slam a Red Bull every time you turn the page in Wuthering Heights. Just to stay awake, really.
Take a sip of wine for every Biblical sin you’ve committed. Start at Genesis.
Drinking with friends
Take turns trying to recite the infamous 11,282-word sentence from Ulysses in one breath. Whoever stops first has to drink the most.
Smuggle booze into a library. Or go to your bookshelves. Pull out books at random, playing “Never have I ever” with books: “Never have I ever read Throne of Glass,” etc. All who have read the book in question must take a drink.
Take turns reading passages from The Bell Jar aloud. Whoever cries hardest must be cut off from alcohol immediately. This is followed by a group hug and gentle rocking.
Group-read a Shakespeare play and take a shot whenever there’s a joke about venereal disease, gender roles, or sexual relations.
I know most people associate LUSH Cosmetics with white girls and bath bombs but products from this beautiful company have faded my scars and stretch marks, completely gotten rid of my acne, fixed my dry skin problems, thickened my eyelashes, laid my edges, made my hair grow like crazy… I can go on and on. I’ve actually never tried the bath bombs, but their skincare and haircare products work magic.
Fading Scars / Stretch Marks Organic Therapy Massage Bar
Extra Dry Skin King of Skin In-Shower Body Conditioner, Skin Drink Facial Moisturizer, Sultana of Soap Bar, Tender is the Night Massage Bar, Each’s a Peach Massage Bar
Acne Fresh Farmacy Solid Cleanser, Eau Roma Toning Water, Full of Grace Serum Bar
Thickening Lashes Eyes Right Mascara / Lash Milk
Edges R&B Hair Moisturizer (if you put this on your edges before wrapping your hair, they’ll be relaxer-straight when you wake up, lasts about 12 hours), Dirty Styling Cream (cream-based edge control with a matte finish, no more shiny or crunchy edges)
Hair Growth NEW! Shampoo Bar, Retread Hair Conditioner
I was asked to list the rest of the products I currently have in my possession, so here y’all go!
FACE / HAIR STUFF
Magical Moringa Facial Moisturizer Oh my lordy. Let me tell y'all about this stuff. It’s marketed as a moisturizer but I use it as a primer because when you put this on your face, it’s completely matte. Like completely. All day. And it will lock your makeup in place like no other. You can sweat in it, swim in it, whatever. Shit won’t budge. Ever.
Jason & the Argan Oil Shampoo Bar Amazing for volumizing. It made the three bundles in my head look more like five when I used this thing the first time, I kid you not. Also gives your hair a really natural shine. I only use it when I really need a volume boost, otherwise it’s just too much.
No Drought Dry Shampoo If you have a weave, you need this stuff. Period. A lot of times, the natural oils in our scalps (referring to my fellow black women here) are too heavy for Brazilian, Peruvian, etc hair, and so it’s easy for weave to get weighed down between washes. Shake this stuff in your hair, brush it out - bam, flow city.
Honey Trap Lip Balm My favorite lip balm, ever. Really improves the texture of your lips and seals in moisture. However, this is not for fixing chapped lips - use Ultrabalm for that first, and then this to prevent them from chapping again. Also, pro-tip, if you apply it before liquid lipstick, your lipstick won’t crease or dry out all day.
MASSAGE BARS
Strawberry Feels Forever Smells like fresh strawberries! Has a much thinner consistency than the other massage bars, so it can be used every day, like a solid lotion.
Soft Coeur Smells like chocolate and honey, and is ridiculously moisturizing. More heavy-duty than the other bars, so I like to only use this one on spots like my knees, heels, and elbows.
From Dusk til Dawn The shape of this one is amazing. It’s shaped like a cone, so it gives a deep massage when you’re using it. Definitely recommend if you have any sort of muscle pain.
SCRUBS
The Rough with the Smooth This stuff smells soooo good. Like cotton candy. I use it before I shave because it really does an amazing job at removing any dead skin and it doesn’t leave a residue, so it won’t clog your razor. However, it’s a sugar scrub, so it melts super quickly.
Ocean Salt This is a heavy-duty scrub. Really amazing if you have dry, flaky skin, and the healing properties of the salt are really great if you have acne. It’ll dry it up and heal it super quick.
Cup o’ Coffee Face & Body Mask I’m on my fourth jar of this already. The coffee beans are ground up just enough to give a deep, yet gentle scrub and the caffeine in the bar really does wake up your skin and make it look brighter. Great for the morning.
Buffy It smells like a vacation, that’s really the only way to describe it. It’s an exfoliant bar and body butter mixed together, so you rub it all over while you’re still in the shower, and then rinse the sand off. After, rub the oils in and pat dry. No need for lotion after because it seals in the moisture from your shower.
SHOWER GELS / JELLIES
Rose Jam Shower Gel Smells like roses and has a really bubbly lather. More cleansing than moisturizing. I like to use it before a more moisturizing soap because it’s great for removing dirt and oil from the skin.
The Olive Branch Shower Gel A long-time favorite of mine. Great for dry skin, as it has a really creamy lather versus a bubbly one. Also, the smell is very calming and lingers for a long time.
Needles & Pines Shower Jelly It’s a solid shower gel (consistency of jello), and it smells like Christmas trees! I like to store it in the fridge and use it when it’s hot outside, super cleansing and refreshing.
SOAPS:
Roses All the Way Personal favorite! Smells like roses & vanilla ice cream. Super moisturizing and so, so creamy. Definitely buy if you suffer from dry skin.
Yog Nog Very moisturizing and the scent lingers for a really long time. Smells like snickerdoodles and eggnog.
Bohemian Not at all creamy, as it’s an exfoliating soap. It’s great to use on dark spots like knees and armpits because the exfoliants soften the skin and the lemon juice evens out your skintone. Smells like lemons.
Karma Another favorite. It has a super thin consistency but is still very moisturizing, so it’s a good shaving soap because it won’t gunk up your razor. Smells like incense and patchouli.
Figs & Leaves Smells like dirt and grass, in a good way. Super cleansing. As in your skin will literally squeak after using it, so I recommend using an in-shower moisturizer like King of Skin after using it.
OTHER:
Atomic Toothy Tabs Solid toothpaste that you crush up in your mouth. It sounds weird but these things are phenomenal. They really leave your teeth squeaky clean, and are the sole reason my teeth are so white - I don’t use any whitening products. This particular kind smells like cloves and cinnamon.
Ultrabalm All Purpose Balm This stuff is amazing. It’s an all-over balm for rough spots. I use it in the winter time on my hands and lips, because they get dry. I also use it year round on my face where I get dry spots, as it doesn’t clog pores.
Silky Underwear Dusting Powder Another holy grail. If you could turn cocoa butter into a powder, this would be it. It’s not drying like baby powder, it’s more silky (it’s also talc-free). I use it between my legs to prevent chafing and under my boobs when it’s hot outside to prevent sweating.
This is actually so helpful because a lot of times I go into lush and I just end up getting pink things and things that smell good because I don’t know what other products are worth purchasing!
TALK TO PEOPLE. okay so I only worked there as a seasonal, but these overly polite, overly talkative salespeople have to do 3 demos an hour! SO if they ask if you want to try something, let them. They know what they’re doing and they will tell you everything you want to know about the product and what it will do for you.
The worst was when I had customers saying that they were just looking because they didnt know a thing about what they were looking at. A lot of the products look identical on the shelves, but they are all specifically tailored for different needs.
Fun facts:
86% of all products are vegan, the rest are vegetarian
everything is ethically sourced, including the charcoal which comes from recycled forest fires
Lush will cut ties with their suppliers if they dont treat their employees nicely enough
Lush saves 10% of their spending budget for emergencies, like when a well broke down in one of their suppliers companies over in Kenya and Lush found out they were lowering women into the well, that money didnt just go to repairing the well, but for getting them a second well as well.
Lush even makes perfume but the scents are about stories instead of smells. There’s a little booklet for each one. My favorites are Dear John (about the owner, Mark, not knowing who his dad was) and Dad’s Lemon Tree (which he made after meeting his dad)
Lush also makes makeup, although they are working on getting more pigments
Lush is 21 years old and in 57 countries!
Charity Pot is a lotion that is low scent as not to mix with your other scents, is a lot of cocoa butter, and 100% goes to grassroots charities, they dont even pay people to make it, that’s how good it is
If you bring in 5 black pots (wash them please, they are dishwasher safe) you can get a free fresh face mask
Lush is the inventor of the bathbomb and most of them have essential oils in them and cocoa butter, so they’re not just fun, but they’re actually really good for your skin
There is a Lush Facebook page but more importantly is that there are local Lush facebooks. You can ask them if something is in stock and they’ll get back to you as quickly as possible (the Alderwood location takes only a few hours)
Anything that looks like a big brick of product is sold by weight. Just ask and they will cut you off a piece to fit your budget
FREE SAMPLES. Feel free to ask. They do NOT want to sell you something that is not right for you
Everything is handmade with commercial kitchen like equipment. This is why things don’t always look the same, because the recipe changes and different people are making it. Leave room for error and basically Guenivere likes adding more pigment than Brendan does but Brendan makes seasonal stuff that’s fantastic. It’s not that it’s gone off or is poorly made. There’s a little sticker that shows you who made it and it also has the expiration date on it
It the ingredient list is both green and black, the green is for natural ingredients and black is for synthetic.
If you go in and they dont have something because it was a seasonal or it’s no longer being made, do not be sad. The same scent may be in another product but more importantly, you can still get it. THE LUSH KITCHEN puts out products that are no longer being made every night at midnight (UK though so time stuff). There’s exclusive merch on there too, including bags and aprons and shirts. Everything goes really really fast though so you have to be ON it.
reblogged to the wrong blog because it took 4 attempts to reblog at all!
this is…nice
My daughter worked at LUSH before college and just seriously…they are an amazing company with highly educated salespeople who want to help you find things that will make you feel, look and smell your best.
