Things just transpired in my house hold that are equal parts offensive and hilarious… Here goes.
So my roommate, Dale, has a gf who does not live with us, but she’s here all the time. So Sunday when my gf was her we were on the couch and we kissed (scandalous, I know) and she saw it, and I’m pretty sure that’s the first time she’s seen us be affectionate, that’s neither here nor there.
So today she tells Dale she’s “uncomfortable” here and wants him to move out because she thinks me and my lady are going to hit on her or something, she doesn’t like living with lesbians, cause it’s not “normal”, so now I’m pissed. Then, Dale goes, “well you don’t live here, so it shouldn’t be a problem, just stop coming over”…things escalated and Dale is trying to break up with her, but she won’t leave our house….she locked herself in Dales room.
So, Dale barges in my room wearing a bathrobe and goes, “call every lesbian you know, we’re smoking this bitch out!” Then turns around and whips his robe like a cape…
And that’s the story of how there are 8 lesbians climbing through the window of Dales room…
Holy shit.
this was so fun to read out loud to my lesbifriend XD
Okay! My friend accused me of being a mother duck (and that I spend way too much time at the school theater) Like an idiot I told her to prove it. She had me empty my bag and i was made to promise to show tumblr.
We got school books and such. This is normal. Cool.
Headphones, phone charger, and portable phone charger. You know what? I am electronically prepared.
Emergency stuff. This is normal. These are normal things…
Well… I have an excessive amount of fidget/stim toys. Things to do… I use them when I need them and give them to any friends that are anxious or bothering me.
Sometimes people have food. I have food. Granted I’m usually feeding others my food. That is not helping my point, but food is normal for a backpack! Sorta…
OKAY. I’M NOT HAVING ANY OF MY FRIENDS GET PREGNANT OR GET SOMEONE PREGNANT OR NOT PRACTICE SAFE SEX. I’M IN HIGHSCHOOL. THIS HAPPENS.
And then… Okay, deodorant, toothbrush, toothpaste, band-aids, antibiotic ointment, chapstick, Excedrin, pads.(My First said kit is MIA) I am a male and I only carry the pads for my female friends who may need them… and most of the other stuff for others….
Am I really a mother duck?
Yes. Yes, I am.
Whatever you want to call it you’re a great human being
Sometimes people use “respect” to mean “treating someone like a person” and sometimes they use “respect” to mean “treating someone like an authority”
and sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say “if you won’t respect me I won’t respect you” and they mean “if you won’t treat me like an authority I won’t treat you like a person”
and they think they’re being fair but they aren’t, and it’s not okay.
Natasha Romanoff was twisted, abused, undone, and lived a very brutal, very savage life. She was a monster.
She looked at that, she looked at what she was.
And it turned her into a person who makes dumb jokes about Steve being a fossil. Someone who is constantly trying to get her 90 year old friend a date. Someone who tirelessly works to make up for every debt she owes. Someone who always tells people that it’s not their fault when bad things happen. Someone who actively puts herself in harm’s way armed with nothing but a jumpsuit and a gun in order to protect innocent people while giant green rage monsters and demigods and super-soldiers surround her.
all my sisters and their kids are out of town and me and my brother are home and my dad did a fucking easter egg hunt for us we’re 21 and 23 this is so ridiculous he was like “I was feeling really nostalgic this morning and when you guys were little I would make it a little harder each year so expect this to be a pretty difficult hunt” and I just found an egg inside of a shampoo bottle in the shower
the true american experience is wondering if you just heard firecrackers or gunshots
PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS A JOKE
bonus points: both are illegal in your state and you still cannot tell
Bonus points: one is illegal in your state and it is not the gun
what the fuck is going on down there are you guys okay
Yes exactly, all of this, still true. Fireworks have always been the more illegal one in the states I’ve lived in, and I honestly cannot tell and get worried when I hear the noises. I know I’ve reblogged before… but I will reblog every time this comes across my dash.
“i know we are not gods
and i know we must perish
but fuck it.
if we’re going to die,
if we have to leave this forsaken earth
at least
let me be next to you at the end of it all.”—the lover’s prayer // [t.r.] (via for-you-id-break-a-light-sweat)
my eldest sister had a boyfriend when she was in fifth grade, but we moved away so they obviously couldn’t see each other. well, when she was in college her friend introduced her to some guy and it was her old boyfriend from fifth grade. after two days of catching up she told him she wanted to marry him. they’ve been married for ten years and have two kids together.
my eldest sister had a boyfriend when she was in fifth grade, but we moved away so they obviously couldn’t see each other. well, when she was in college her friend introduced her to some guy and it was her old boyfriend from fifth grade. after two days of catching up she told him she wanted to marry him. they’ve been married for ten years and have two kids together.
hey guys, hope your skin is clear and you get a text from someone you like real soon.
also that your lunch tastes good, you find twenty dollars on the ground, and that thing coming up that you were dreading turns out not so bad
I hope you get a very sweet anon message and a lot of new followers. Also I am proud of you, please drink a lot of water today.
I hope that you dont forget to take your medication, and that you do not step on a lego. Please know people out there love you and will try to help you if you need it, if you have any problems i will talk to you about them.
I hope your favourite artists release new music and your hair looks great today!
a man is driving his son to school. they get into an accident and the man dies. the son is rushed to the hospital and when he arrives for emergency surgery the doctor says “i cant operate on this boy, he is my son!” how is this possible?
omg one time our english teacher told us this to try and show what a modern thinker he was and we were all like “it’s a woman” and he was like oh wow i thought he was gay i hadn’t thought of that
Society has us believe that only men are doctors and only women are nurses, and that isn’t right. Riddles like these that make us think, are the ones truly exposing sexism for what it is.
Did you know? Lesbians and male homosexuals would marry each other in Nazi Germany just to escape persecution? Queer history tho like I honestly am learning things everyday that shape my knowledge of what it means to be LGBT? Like did you know Malcolm X was bisexual? Did you know the Nazis persecuting homosexuals said they were protecting “traditional family values,” the same arguments used today by Republicans? Washington in the 1780s expelled several soldiers for engaging in consensual same-sex acts? FDR launched a plan in the 1920s where he forced young sailors to try and trap other sailors into sex? I think schools need to stop erasing queer history from social studies and queer literature from English classes. And also start teaching children to respect gay people at a young age, like grade five. That’s the only way I can see any change coming about…
