if you are going to do historical inaccuracy, then go big. Just take it to a whole ‘nother level.
I mean like Knight’s Tale “chanting Queen at the jousting tournament ‘foxy lady’” levels of anachronism. Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters with Hansel injecting himself with insulin and Gretel wielding a multiple-shot crossbow levels of anachronism. Go for Blazing Saddles, Blackadder, Jack of All Trades, Connecticut Yankee levels of anachronism
you either have to play by the rules or throw out the book.
Go full on Xena. All of history happened at the same time. Get your legs broken by Caesar and find out Lao Tzu didn’t write that book, his wife did, and she hitting on you…all 10 years before you go meet up with Helen at Troy. Fight with Beowulf and commission Sappho within a few months of each other. Abraham and Issac? Only like 2 years before Jesus. Invent CPR and the kite during the bronze age. Watch your gal pal teach Homer how to be a better bard. Have a fucking battle of the bands in Ancient Greece. TIME IS MEANINGLESS.
Go Full On Xena
EXCELLENT. Either admit that you’re basically not following any rules ever, that you’re going Full Xena and inventing the tracheotomy the year before the Trojan War, which is also just a few years before Caesar and at the same time as Homer, or DO YOUR GODDAMN RESEARCH. Also, if your only ‘historically accurate’ thing is sexism/rape, I will sideeye the fuck out of you.
gather round tumblr it’s time for a story about why you shouldn’t solicit conversation with a stranger with a put down about their generation
i sat down about 30 minutes ago in the lobby of a very nice hotel, intending to do some writing. i have my laptop and my cellphone. as i settled, i checked some stuff on my phone, then turned to my laptop. because there aren’t many plugs, i’m sitting in a cluster of couches and instead of being by myself there’s an he’s an older gentleman across from me, polo shirt, salt and pepper hair. was very polite when i asked if he minded if i tucked myself in the corner of the couch
but apparently
apparently
he thinks computers are full of satan or something
because no sooner have i opened up goddamn word when he goes, “you kids and your electronics.”
ah, excellent, unsolicited conversation with a perfect stranger that comes with a critique of modern communication. fight me, bro, you got no idea who you’re tangling with. so naturally i push up my metaphorical sleeves (metaphorical because i’m in a goddamn resort and pavement is melting; i’m wearing a very nice goddamn dress and i’d look like a fucking soccer mom named helen if i had blonde hair) and very politely, i smash his face into the floor with “i’m sorry?” in an utterly flabbergasted tone because dude wtf and no one delivers slick put downs when they’re caught off guard
“i’m here reading my newspaper and after this my wife and i are going on a hike” (lol good luck with that dude the pavement is melting and you want to hike in the mountains) “and we’re going to interact with each other.” he gives my computer a v pointed look
naturally, i have the perfect response to this. it is pithy and eloquent and will surely put him in his place: “i… like to write, and it’s easier on a laptop?”
“it seems to me” (HERE WE GO) “that your generation” (OH GOOD) “is losing the ability to interact with other people.” (O OK) “my grandchildren never take their eyes off their cellphones anymore!”
and here he pauses and looks at me. as if he expects me to agree.
so i say “you were born in the 50s, right?” he says he was born in 59. “well, it seems to me that your generation is really fond of adultery, embezzlement, and corporate fraud, among other things, and i’m really enjoying paying for your retirement.”
i admit: i had this line canned after a little snarl i had with my mom the other night.
he stares at me. i stare back.
“you also realize,” i say, quickly typing socrates kids these days quote into google, “that people have been saying kids these days since socrates said, and i quote, children now love luxury. they have bad manners. contempt for authority. they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise.” i look up at him. he’s staring at me still.
i’m shaking because man fuck confrontation but also how hilarious is this because i literally had a fight with my mom about this twelve hours ago. i literally have a cranky tweet about it. “so it seems to me that making sweeping generalizations about people based on pretty arbitrary age groupings is kind of ridiculous since i’m pretty sure you’re not cheating on your wife or stealing from your company.”
he goes beat red because now i’m embarrassed him, and i feel really fucking bad because i didn’t mean to embarrass him, but also hey dude fuck you
SO OF COURSE he says “did your parents teach you any manners?”
and there goes the last of my embarrassment because hey fuck you dude the only person who can insult my parents is fucking me. and i say, without even thinking because this is when you have the snappiest rejoinders, “well they did teach me not to open unsolicited conversation with a stranger by insulting them so.”
at this point the dude’s wife shows up and they leave, and the waiter asks me if i want anything to drink and i’m like “yes please give me all your vodka” but instead i say “ice water” because the pavement is melting and if i puke from nerves after that, i don’t want to snort alcohol out my nose
Xena is Greek you fucking half-wit, so unless you are planning on a total rewrite for the character, at which point it isn't fucking Xena anymore, then all you're doing is making a token color character. You are literally focusing on their skin and not the development of their character. That's racist, it's puerile, and its completely daft. Shut the fuck up with your bigoted rhetoric. so you can take your regressive progressive bullshit back where it belong. The fucking garbage.
GUYS I HAVE LEARNED SO MANY NEW THINGS TODAY DID YOU KNOW THAT POC CAN’T PLAY TRADITIONALLY WHITE ROLES WITHOUT A ‘TOTAL RE-WRITE FOR THE CHARACTER, AT WHICH POINT IT ISN’T FUCKING [THE CHARACTER] ANYMORE’
DID YOU KNOW THAT WANTING POC TO PLAY TRADITIONALLY WHITE CHARACTERS IS RACIST
DID YOU KNOW THAT EVERYONE IN GREECE ON XENA WAS SOOOOO WHITE. LIKE HELEN OF TROY
NO NON-WHITE PPL IN GREECE
NONE OF THEM
NO ONE OF POLYNESIAN HERITAGE PLAYING GREEK FUCKING GODS
people are allowed to leave you.
people are allowed to break up with you.
people are allowed to love you but not want to be with you.
people are allowed to not want to talk to you.
people are allowed to put their happiness before yours and do what makes them happy even if it does not include you.
people are allowed to move on from you.
people are allowed to fall in love with someone else.
people are allowed to not want you in their life.
people are allowed to do whatever they want to better themselves and become the version of themselves they are trying so hard to love.
don’t be bitter towards someone who is only trying to be happy.
When u work full time but it’s a minimum wage job so you can’t afford rent and food so you have to steal to eat.you have no way to save money to get out of the cycle. And you can’t enroll in school because you are broke , and even if you took out a loan you still have to work full time to pay rent. And your family is broke and then your dad gets demoted at work so they are even more broke now and you worry about them affording food and bills.
Get. Another. Job.
so much privilege, so little rationality
Lol. That’s the libertarian solution to poverty? “Just work TWO full time jobs”?
“Just spend the vast majority of your waking hours at work.”
“Just give up every waking moment of your life to wage slavery”
“What do you mean you need to sleep? That’s commie talk, you pinko.”
Let’s break it down. There’s 168 hours in a week, 24 hours a day, seven days. You typically spend 8 hours a day asleep, so you have about 168 - 56, for 112 waking hours a week, If you spent 80 hours a week working (which would be two full-time jobs, you’d have 32 waking hours a week leftover, which is about 4 and a half hours a day. 4.5 hours to drive to work, from work, oh and also between your two different jobs, let’s be generous and say that only takes an hour out of your day, you’re down to 3.5 waking hours a day for eating, bathing, taking care of your home and your family, doing chores and errands, recreation, etc, including on weekend days.
But if these jobs are normal full-time jobs, you only work Monday-Friday, which would just flat out not work, you’d have to spend 16 hours a day at work, meaning your commutes and getting ready in the morning would both cut into your eight hours a day of sleep. This would be a work regime more strenuous than almost any in history.
casual reminder: this isn’t a hypothetical either but reality for working class people all over the US.
What’d I say, y'all? People who don’t have to worry about money have the WORST advice when it comes to money AND they have NO IDEA what it takes to survive on nothing.
and all of this is even assuming a person is 1) fit and healthy enough to work two jobs and 2) has two job openings available for them.
presumably in this libertarian paradise, if either or both of these options are a problem, you’re screwed and they’re okay with that?
Back in early high school, I knew a girl - we were kinda friends by virtue of having multiple friends in common, but in hindsight, she never much liked me - who had this purebred dog. I’d met him at her place, and he wasn’t desexed, which was pretty unusual in my experience, so it stuck in the memory. And one day, as we were walking across the playground, this girl - I’ll call her Felice - said to me, “Hey, so we’re going to start using my dog as a stud.” And I’m like, Oh? And she’s like, “Yeah, we’ve been talking to breeders, we’re going to get to see his puppies and everything,” and I made interested noises because that actually sounded pretty interesting, and she went on a little bit more about how it would all work -
And then, out of nowhere, she swapped this sly look with another girl, burst out laughing and exclaimed, “God, you’re so gullible. I literally just made that up. You’ll believe anything!”
And I was just. Dumbfounded. Because I was standing there, staring at them, and they were laughing like I was an idiot, like they’d pulled this massive trick on me, and all I could think, apart from why the fuck they felt moved to do this in the first place, was that neither of them knew what gullible means. Like, literally nothing in that story was implausible! I knew she had an undesexed, male, purebred dog! It made total sense that he be used for a stud! And it wasn’t like I was getting this information from a second party - the person who actually owned the dog was telling me herself! And I felt so immensely frustrated, because they both walked off before I could figure out how to articulate that gullible means taking something unlikely or impossible at face value, whereas Felice had told me a very plausible lie, and while the end result in both cases is that the believer is tricked, the difference was that I wasn’t actually being stupid. Rather, Felice had manipulated the fact that she occupied a position of relative social trust - meaning, I didn’t have any reason to expect her to lie to me - to try and make me feel stupid.
Which, thinking back, was kind of par for the course with Felice. On another occasion, as our group was walking from Point A to Point B, I felt a tugging jostle on my school bag. I didn’t turn around, because I knew my friends were behind me, and my bag was often half-zipped - I figured someone was just shoving something back in that had fallen out, or had grabbed it in passing as they horsed around. Instead, Felice steps up beside me, grinning, and hands me my wallet, which she’d just pulled out, and tells me how oblivious I was for not noticing that she’d been rifling my bag, and how I ought to pay more attention. This was not done playfully: the clear intent, again, was to make me feel stupid for trusting that my friends - which, in that context, included her - weren’t going to fuck with me. As before, I couldn’t explain this to her, and she walked on, pleased with herself, before I could try.
The worst time, though, was when I came back from the canteen at lunch one day, and Felice, again backed up by another girl, told me that my dad had showed up on campus looking for me. By this time, you’d think I’d have cottoned on to her particular way of fucking with me, but I hadn’t, and my dad worked close enough to the school that he really could’ve stopped in. So I believed her, a strange little lurch in my stomach that I couldn’t quite place, and asked where he was. She said he’d gone looking for me elsewhere, at another building where we sometimes sat, and so I hurried off to look for him, feeling more and more anxious as I wondered why he might be there.
I was halfway across campus before I let myself remember that my mother was in hospital.
I felt physically sick. My pulse went through the roof; I couldn’t think of a reason why my dad would be at school looking for me that didn’t mean something terrible had happened to my mother, that her surgery had gone wrong, that she was sick or hurt or dying. And when my dad wasn’t where she’d said he would be, I hurried back to Felice - who was now sitting with half our mutual group of friends - only to be met with laughter. She called me gullible again, and that time, I snapped. I chased her down and punched her, and the friends who’d only just arrived, who didn’t know what had happened or why I was reacting like that, instantly took her side. Noises were made about telling the rest of our friends what I’d done, and I didn’t want them to hear Felice’s version first, so I ran off to the library, where I knew they were, to tell them first.
I walked into the library. I found our other friends. I was shaky and red-faced, and they asked me what had happened. I told them what Felice had done, that I’d hit her for it, that my mother was in hospital for an operation - something I’d mentioned in passing over the previous week; multiple people nodded in recognition - and how I’d thought Felice’s lie meant that something bad had happened. And then I burst into tears, something I almost never did, because it wasn’t until I said it out loud that I realised how genuinely frightened I’d been. I sat down at the table and cried, and a girl - I’ll call her Laurel - who I’d never really been close to - who was, in fact, much better friends with Felice than with me - put her arm around my shoulders and hugged me, volubly furious on my behalf.
And then the other girls showed up, and Laurel said, with that particular vicious sincerity that only twelve-year-olds can really muster, “Prepare to die, Felice,” and I almost wanted to laugh, but didn’t. A girl who was a close friend, who’d come in with Felice, took her side, outraged that I’d punched someone, until Laurel spoke up about my mother being in hospital, and everyone went really quiet. Which was when I remembered, also belatedly, that Laurel’s own mother was dead; had died of cancer several years previously, which explained why she of all people was so angry. I have a vivid memory of the look on Felice’s face, how she tried to play it off - she said she hadn’t known about my mother, I pointed out that I’d mentioned it multiple times at lunch that week, and she lost all high ground with everyone.
Felice never played a trick on me again.
Eighteen years later, I still think about these incidents, not because I’m bearing some outdated grudge, but because they’re a good example of three important principles: one, that even with seemingly benign pranks, there’s a difference between acting with friendly or malicious intent; two, that ignorance of context can have a profound effect on the outcome regardless of what you meant; and three, that getting hurt by people who abuse your trust doesn’t make you gullible - it means you’re being betrayed.
And I feel like this is information worth sharing.
Oh, hello there, primary reason for deep-seated trust issues two decades later.
daaamn that made my blood boil
Wow, yeah. That’s not how a “prank” works, people.
And with the Felices of the world, they’re always eager to mock you for trusting them, but if you make it clear you don’t trust them anymore they get upset and paint themselves as the victims because you can’t take a joke.
Most people I know had that one movie as a kid; that one movie that they would watch it over and over and over to the resigned acceptance of their parents. I’ve always thought that movie says something about a person. What was your movie?
Alexander is completely nonchalant and remorseless when he informs Burr that he punched someone, like he literally couldn’t care less. Burr is less so.
In “Shot”, Burr is literally just sitting in the back reading and ignoring everything else like its not even happening.
Burr buys the whole gang literal shots that they’re going clubbing
Hamilton and Laurens keep staring each other in the eye
Lafayette is a dirty enabler and so is Mulligans
When Burr convinces Hamilton to let Seabury be, Lafayette pushes Hamilton forwards again to tear Seabury down while Mulligan cheers. Laurens does not encourage Hamilton forwards but does also cheer.
Hamilton gets up on Seabury’s box with him and gets right in his face while Seabury tries to ignore him.
Angelica is so tired of these men and wants them to stop. Every time someone says anything misogynistic or offensive she just stares into the crowd like she’s staring into the camera on The Office.
After Alexander has gotten permission to marry Eliza, he starts doing a heavily hip-based dance similar to moves from Shot. When Phillip Schuyler sees, he just looks horrified.
When Hamilton says the line, “Angelica tried to take a bite of me”, Eliza despite being held lovingly by Alexander, briefly backwards, suddenly worried and looking for Angelica
At the wedding, Laurens and Angelica walked together and Peggy and Lafayette. While walking, Lafayette leans over and whispers something that is clearly dirty and Peggy walks away offended
Mulligans is a great flower girl
When under stress, Hamilton wears glasses. In Stay Alive, he’s wearing them at the beginning.
In King George’s second song, he wanders onto the stage as everyone from Battle of Yorktown is still on stage and looks really disgusted as he does his best to avoid touching anybody else while walking to the front.
Hamilton loves his son so much, you can see it so clearly if Lin’s acting and singing. Holy shit, he loves Phillip.
The complete 180 and shock in Hamilton from “Dear Theodosia” to Eliza telling him that Laurens is dead broke me a little inside for good
Jefferson, when first introduced, starts calling for more applause from the audience
Hamilton just cuts in front of Washington when introducing himself to Jefferson in “What Did I Miss” to shake Jefferson’s hand and Washington takes him aside to scold him like a tired dad who just can’t seem to teach their kid manners
Jefferson, at the end of his part of Cabinet Battle 1, literally drops the mic, but into Madison’s waiting hands as if they fucking rehearsed it before hand. Either that or Madison just knows Jefferson too well. Either way, I’m glad they didn’t actually drop the mic bc that shit is delicate and expensive.
In Jefferson’s part of Cabinet Battle 1, everyone is laughing and during Hamilton’s shit got real
In the beginning of Hamilton’s part in Cabinet Battle 1, Washington looks proud and occasionally leans over to the guy next to him, as if he was a proud parent at his kids recital going, “That’s my kid!”. By the end he is horrified and so very tired.
How tired Washington looked when Hamilton said that “Jefferson started it”
When practicing piano, Phillaps keeps slouching and when they get to the end he shouts done and pouts
After giving his rap he cheers and then runs off (presumably to dinner)
Someone in sound forgot to open Phillip’s mic in Schuyler Defeated but I could still hear the line, though faint. Broadway stars are good at projecting their voices and it makes me bitter that high schoolers don’t project well or take good care of microphones.
The parallel between when Washington first hires Hamilton by handing him a quill and then in “One Last Time” where he hands Hamilton a quill again, but with their sides reversed as he asks Hamilton to help him write his farewell address.
When Madison yells the line “Which I wrote!”, he’s looking back at the direction where Hamilton and Washington walked offstage and looking really offended.
When Burr is reading the letter and gets to the point where it says “Ghat was my wife you decided to (fuck)”, Jefferson runs over to see.
Jefferson started bouncing up and down on the desk in Reynolds Pamphlets as if by the power of his ass alone. I’m still not sure how he did it without his hands.
Jefferson started making it rain with Reynolds pamphlets and King George joined in
The stage manager accidentally popped out a little too much from the hole he has at the front of the stage while handing prop pamphlets to Jefferson and immediately ducked back under when he noticed
In Blow Us All Away, when Phillip says the line, “The ladies say that’s not where the resemblance stops”, he thrusts his hips forward and motions downwards with him hands and raises his eyebrows with a shit-eating grin.
When Phillip goes to Alexander for dueling advice, Hamilton is wearing his glasses.
Never does Hamilton think that his son is going to die, not even once despite going off to a duel. Never once could Alexander imagine his son dying despite thinking about his own demise all the time.
Phillip dies stroking his mother’s hair and holding his father’s hand.
Eliza screaming “No!” and sobbing over her dead son’s body
Alexander breaking down into senseless sobbing when Eliza holds his hand and forgives him is heartbreaking and beautiful. The fucking raw emotion Miranda manages to get is incredible and I don’t know how he does it, let alone twice a day most days a week.
Alexander just trying to fucking mind his own business as everyone asks for his opinion. He keeps repeating, “it’s quiet uptown” and walking off with his head down but they keep following the poor man who just wants peace. All throughout this scene, he’s wearing his glasses.
As they all sing, “If you had to choose…choose, choose,” Alexander is alone on the second level, leaning over the railing with his glass looking between Burr and Jefferson who are in spotlights on either side of the stage.
When Alexander says he supports Jefferson, Burr’s smile doesn’t drop immediately. Instead he freezes, like he can’t believe what he’s heard.
As the ensemble is complaining about Jefferson and complimenting Burr, the man in question is just hunched over listening and punches the air like an excited child at the end when they voice their approval of him
Jefferson shaking his head, offended by the very idea when Madison proposes getting Hamilton;s support.
In Obedient Servant, Alexander and Burr are exchanging letters and when it comes to Hamilton, he just keep writing and writing and Burr stares at the growing pile of letters in his hand tiredly. Ensemble members keep handing Burr page after page and, a cast member dances and pretends to flutter wings with the last two pages as Burr waits with soulless eyes. Burr is so tired but Hamilton just keeps writing. By the end he has a stack at least half a foot thick and he doesn’t even read them, he just throws them behind him.
Burr just looks dead inside at the line, “Here’s an itemized list of thirty years of disagreements.”
Hamilton, in the end is wearing his glasses when he dies. The same glasses he survived Fort Knox with, the same glasses that he wore when he had an affair, the same glasses he had on as he worked nonstop to try to block out John Lauren’s death, the same glasses he wore when he sent his son off to the duel, and the same glasses he wore in the aftermath.
Eliza, at the end of the musical, gives this loud gasp as she’s facing the audience. Either its symbolic of her dying and joining Hamilton as thats the first time she sees his face again despite dancing around him for half the song or she’s seeing the audience and realizing that she did enough.
Other Things:
Burr’s lighting is squares and Hamilton’s is circles
The orchestral backtrack to this musical is fucking amazing
Broadway drinks are always expensive as hell but they come with a nice souvenir cup to keep, even the small alcoholic glasses were souvenir cups with the same design and everything
The woman next to me was full on sobbing and so was I. We laughed about it afterwards.
If you bought merch at the begining, your bag said “Good luck after the show” on it which says a lot.
Everyone, and I mean literally every fucking cast member in this goddamn show has nice ass arms and I’m weak.
me during a star trek hiatus:
there are a lot of problems with the new films, like the sexism, relative lack of diversity, total absence of lgbtqiap+ characters, general loss of the ethos of peace and tolerance intended in the original series in favour of becoming a generic action war series
me when new content comes out:
DO-DO, DO-DO-DO-DO, DO-DO, DO-DO DO-DO, DO-DO, DO-DO DO-DO, DEE DEE DEE DEE DEE DEE DEE DEE DEE DEE DEE DEE, BAAAAH, BAAH bAAAH BAAAH BAAHH, BAAAAH bAAAh baAAh baAA bahhh, BAAAAh, BAAAAH baaah bAaaH baaah bAAAAAAh, BAAAAAAAAH
He helped save their people and all he wants in return is a place to swear himself to–to belong. Padmé cannot imagine why the Jedi would think such a person wasn’t worth keeping, but at this point, it’s their loss and Naboo’s gain.
Her gain, she admits to herself as she enters the training room to see Yané and Cordé working with Anaké, who is wearing plain, simple linens that don’t match today’s handmaiden robes. He’s already seen the palace tailors, but even a Naboo tailor can’t turn out a full wardrobe in half a ten-day, so for now he only has what he brought with him and a few basic outfits quickly altered to fit. They notice her immediately–it would be hard not to, since she came flanked by Sabé, Rabé, Eirtaé, and Dormé–and Anaké perks up noticeably. Padmé smiles at him in greeting, and he beams back.
“Padmé!” he says delightedly as he runs up to her, then balks and corrects himself with an embarrassed expression–“I mean, Your Majesty. Sorry.”
“It’s all right. It’s only us here,” Padmé reassures him with another smile. She would let Anaké call her “Padmé” all the time, honestly, but it does put a bit of a kink in the decoy arrangement when she’s wearing Amidala, and he’s already been very eager to fall in line with the others’ manners anyway. “We can’t stay long, we’re afraid. We’ve just come to see how your first day is proceeding.”
WHENEVER YOU SEE THIS POST ON YOUR DASH, STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND WRITE ONE SENTENCE FOR YOUR CURRENT PROJECT.
Just one sentence. Stop blogging for one minute and write a single sentence. It could be dialogue, it could be a nice description of scenery, it could be a metaphor, I don’t care. The point is, do it. Then, when you finish, you can get back to blogging.
If this gets viral, you might just have your novel finished by next Tuesday.
Goddamn it, it’s back.
If it stays back, I might manage to finish a third story this year. Jesus.
I swear, this is now my only writing motivation.
BACK AGAIN??? Sigh.
Okay, sorry if anyone gets sick of this, but it’s the best way for me to get myself to write.
WHENEVER YOU SEE THIS POST ON YOUR DASH, STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND WRITE ONE SENTENCE FOR YOUR CURRENT PROJECT.
Just one sentence. Stop blogging for one minute and write a single sentence. It could be dialogue, it could be a nice description of scenery, it could be a metaphor, I don’t care. The point is, do it. Then, when you finish, you can get back to blogging.
If this gets viral, you might just have your novel finished by next Tuesday.
Goddamn it, it’s back.
If it stays back, I might manage to finish a third story this year. Jesus.
I swear, this is now my only writing motivation.
BACK AGAIN??? Sigh.
Okay, sorry if anyone gets sick of this, but it’s the best way for me to get myself to write.
concept: a TV show with a dark, tragic, fucked-up beginning that steadily gets happier and lighter and more hopeful as the seasons go on, the narrative arc premised on healing and growth instead of a “gritty” downspiral, the challenges faced in each season finale leaving the characters in a progressively better place. nobody queer dies, and the worst things we ever see after season 1 all happen in flashbacks to events preceding the now.
A gameshow that forces male nerds into the unnecessarily sexualized outfits female video game characters have that they defend as “practical,” and then makes them do agility training
I worked with toddlers and pre schoolers for three years. Sometimes I accidentally slip and tell a friend to say bye to an inanimate object (“say bye bus!”) & occasionally they unthinkingly just do it.
character A slowly falls in love with character B over the course of several years, realization hits them that they’ve been in love with B for a long time hits them like a truck
cool badass is actually a giant fucking nerd
The Power of Friendship ™
flat “what” reactions
sweet adorable characters with horrible tragic pasts
villains-turned-heroes becoming the Weird Uncle
characters that aren’t actually related having a parent-child relationship
characters that aren’t actually siblings having a sibling-like bond
“I can’t stand this person but I would die for them”
The minimum age for signing up for a Tumblr account is 13. I, at the time of writing this, am 23.
It would be bizarre of me to treat a 13 year old as though they are the same age as me. I have a 13 year old little brother and while we have a similar sense of humour as we have grown up together we could not be more different.
I have an extra decade. A decade of more experience, a decade of more learning, a decade of more everything in general. I am an adult. He is a child. There’s no denying that.
The mentality that has always existed on Tumblr of “everybody’s the same age hahaha everybody can be treated the same” is, therefore, the biggest load of fucking rubbish I’ve ever seen. This inevitably leads to children being harassed by grown adults every day. Constantly.
Imagine being a 14 year old child and waking up one morning to find that a grown adult had reblogged one of your posts making fun of you, leading dozens of other grown adults to send you messages making fun of you further.
Imagine being a child just trying to have fun on a social blogging platform and then self-entitled, wilfully ignorant and aggressive adults suddenly began insulting you for absolutely no reason.
I’m not saying a child can’t make a mistake. But that’s what it is most of the time- a mistake- and maybe you should stop treating children who make mistakes as though they’re intentionally malicious adults. In doing so, you generally become an intentionally malicious adult.
If you’re an adult and you look at somebody’s About section and see “oh 14 okay that’s not too young for me to tell this person they’re trash” and you don’t see how that’s inherently fucked up and see no need to apologise for it: I hate you, I thoroughly and completely hate you regardless of the quality of the rest of your character, I think you need to get a grip, a life and away from me
if teenagers are ever being mean to you just pull out any miscellaneous item you have on you at the moment and make up some bullshit term to scare them
teenagers: we are going to punch you me *pulling out spoon*: have you lot ever been Uncle Jimmied
teenagers: we are going to kick you me *pulling out an electric toothbrush*: have you all ever experienced a Norwegian Christmas…
teenagers: we are going to unlawfully take your money me *taking car keys out of my pocket*: say, have any of you ever had a Pacific Ocean Garbage Patch…….
teenagers: we are going to call you mean names me *taking Costco brand pair of socks out of my purse*: it’s been a while since i gave someone a Tropic Of Capricorn………….
teenagers: we’re violent just for the fun of it ! me *microwaving a hard-boiled egg*: you’re all about to get a Matthew Broderick Jr.
teenagers: we are going to spread rumors about you me *getting out my tube of rash cream*: don’t force me to give you a Chinese Whistling Garden
teenagers: we are about to physically assault you me *pulling out cantaloupe*: seems like you rapscallions have never heard of the Screaming Astronaut
teenagers: we are going to commit felonies me *pulling out handfuls of spaghetti*: I’m sorry you all have to experience the Kansas Turnpike …
teenagers: i am preparing to steal an automotive vehicle me *taking out a roll of dental floss*: keep this sort of behavior up and you’re going to get the Rick Astley’s Crochet
teenagers: i plan to do acts of physical hooliganism! me *takes a Bop It out of my pocket*: I don’t normally do this but I’ll enjoy giving you a North Carolina Senator G.K. Butterfield
Grantaire:
*delivers 1,308 words of classical, historical, and art references, all neatly wrapped up with pertinent quotes and liberally sprinkled with clever if sometimes unfortunate puns*
Grantaire:
It is a shame that I am ignorant, otherwise I would quote to you a mass of things; but I know nothing.
for the three-sentence AU meme, not that I personally consider this an AU: Steve Rogers being IN SPACE and not knowing wtf is going on down on earth, go.
All right, did you mean ‘Star Trek mashup,’ because I refuse
to dignify Dick Spencer with even the slightest iota of my attention and I LOVE
STAR TREK. Um, there’s definitely gonna
be more than three sentences, I tried but I got overexcited, sorry. THERE’S A READMORE, THAT’S HOW OUT OF HAND THIS GOT.
Starbase
616 is approximately five days at max warp past the generally accepted
middle-of-nowhere, the kind of place they send you when you’ve slept with a
higher-up’s spouse (or spouses, Security Officer Kellan will say mournfully,
not that he knew it at the time) or after you’ve blown up a very expensive
piece of equipment (Chief of Engineering Maxime Rochert is only allowed near
the engines with supervision, is the running joke). So when the ship drifts in, Starbase 616 has
a hot second of panic, because they have never
gotten a ship since the last troop of poor suckers was released from this
purgatory. It’s even worse because the USS Avenge left its last leg about a parsec
back and seems to have crawled in on some kind of souped-up impulse engine none
of them have seen before. It’s even worse because, once they get on
board to check why they’re not receiving a response to their thirty-one hails,
they find:
an
AI that apparently fried itself and shut down all non-life support or non-propulsion
systems,
a
piloting and navigation console that looks like it’s been ripped apart and
hotwired together,
and
almost a dozen (sort of living) legends in deep cryostasis in the medical bay,
with no other signs of life.
“Miraculous! Adrinette where Marinette is an upperclassman.
Her main interaction with Adrien is at her parent’s shop, where he always grabs
something during lunch break. She’s still a hot mess around him, and he’s still
a complete flirt with Ladybug. Go.” For @littlestartopaz , on the AU meme.
C’mon now, we’ve all basically agreed that I’ve co-opted this
meme as an excuse to get AU prompts and write a lot on every single one of
them. So Marinette is seventeen here and
Adrien is still a lonely fifteen-year-old kid who gets devoted to anyone who
seems like they care about his feelings.
There’s no regard whatsoever for the canon timeline here, we’re
pretending that they’re already working together by the time he starts public
school.
The
first time Adrien Agreste walks into her parents’ bakery, Marinette hides
behind the counter and hyperventilates for a solid minute while he looks
around. She stutters her way through
taking his order, and he gives her a small smile that genuinely makes her heart
stop a little. (She’s going to feel bad
about that later, once she knows how much it bothers him when people get fluttery
over him, but look, just look, he’s a
very handsome boy and she’s awkward, this is a matter of record, Alya has the
proof.)
And
then he actually sits at the counter and picks through his sandwich and talks
to her, and he’s nice and funny and wry, with a sweet self-deprecating
smile. Marinette can barely string a
sentence together, but he doesn’t make fun of her or question her and he seems
fine with pretending that she has no idea who he is. She might die, she might have a heart attack,
but what a way to go, that’s all she’s saying, under those bright green eyes.
Miscellaneous Batman headcanons as relate to my little fic universe, that may or may not ever come up because who knows:
In general when it comes to Billionaire Playboy Bruce Wayne people go in one of two directions. Either he is the mysterious eccentric always galavanting around and seeing him at a party is like a Bigfoot sighting, or he is obnoxious and spoiled but people let him get away with it because he has money. But then it’s always a plot point that he is surrounded by vapid gold diggers?? I call bullshit, maybe Bruce Wayne is actually a really nice guy and he’s charming and charismatic and people think he is kind of naive, and maybe his smiles don’t always reach his eyes but maybe he just seems kind of lonely and people appreciate that he makes the effort. Maybe the women of Gotham are not all money-grubbing and shallow and actually recognize a good guy when they see one.
That actually will definitely come up but it’s still on the list because it relates to the next bullet point.
Models! In general models start working at 16 and are done when they’re 23. Modeling is an industry full of very young girls getting chewed up and spit out and sorry but you will never convince me that Batman would take advantage of that even under the guise of Billionaire Bruce Wayne. If you are a model and you meet Bruce Wayne he will be nice and he will be respectful and honestly he will act like a protective older brother and it’s just??? Such a change of pace???? He’s so nice????? And if they aren’t happy with their agency maybe he will direct them to some Wayne Enterprises subsidiary, and maybe when some photographer is being a skeeve they let him know and he never works in that town again, and maybe if they end up needing to go to rehab he pays for it because he can afford it and actually he owns the rehab center and also he is the sweetest man alive. So maybe when they need a plus one to a fashion event, they invite Bruce Wayne because they know he won’t take advantage, and maybe Bruce has a list of women and their interests so if he needs a plus one and he knows Anita loves the ballet he will call her up and they will go and they will mostly talk about her new cat because his name is Chairman Meow and she loves him the most. And when people ask later if she totally banged Bruce Wayne she says yes, it was awesome, his dick was huge, because idk man sometimes when a guy is nice you just tell people that as a courtesy. Then at parties Bruce Wayne is just surrounded by models and everyone shakes their heads and tsks about it while they ask him how he’s been and show him pictures of their cats.
Which is not to suggest that maybe when they are older and in a more stable place in their lives they do not actually bang Bruce Wayne because they probably do. Who wouldn’t???
One day some little girl is worried that Batman might skip her neighborhood and she decides the best way to make sure he shows is to leave some cookies on the roof of her building because if it’s good enough for Santa then why not Batman? But she’s like six so of course they are basically inedible and they’re supposed to look like bats but they kind of just look like poorly drawn distant seagulls and she leaves them out with a note like “For Batman only do not touch!!” and in the morning they are gone and she is satisfied that Batman has been patrolling to keep her safe. And eventually all the kids are doing this in Gotham and it’s just a whole buffet of confusingly-shaped poorly-made attempts at cookies (you have to make them yourself the children decide because when you are a kid it is important to have Rituals). Eventually Batman can tell which neighborhoods are having the most trouble based on density of cookies per block. He doesn’t actually eat them because he does not want to get food poisoning and at least once he’s pretty sure those were made of Play-Doh but he takes them anyway because he knows it helps kids feel safe.
A criminal tries to leave out poison cookies once but not only does he not eat them, it is immediately obvious what’s going on because these actually look like food.
If the cookies are still there in the morning the children all have a crisis because something is wrong with Batman and the religious kids pray and the nonreligious kids do weird superstitious shit that they have convinced themselves is helpful.
Kids love Batman okay especially little girls, as a little girl who loved Batman I can confirm.
Some of them probably leave out drawings and he keeps them in the Batcave sorry these are just Facts.
Bruce Wayne’s doctor is paid a fortune to make housecalls and she is well aware by now that he is Batman, but she lets him claim he was bungee jumping or whatever the fuck it is he thinks is plausible because she knew his father and she remembers when he was a cute kid and honestly who even cares.
Bruce Wayne’s dentist has also figured out that he is Batman because jesus fucking christ we just replaced those crowns what are you even DOING to your TEETH half of these are just implants now you are going to need dentures by forty please god just wear a fucking mouthguard draw some scary fangs on it if you have to like he appreciates how much money he is making replacing this man’s teeth but even he has limits
Bruce Wayne’s personal accountant has also figured him out because his money just falls into a goddamn non-deductible pit and he kept trying to lie about it and then changing the lie around when he realized the answer he was giving impacted his return and I’m sorry Bruce I might not be rich but even I know that you probably did not spend several million dollars this year on cheesecakes covered in gold leaf and you accidentally filed a project cost analysis for a stealth jet in with your receipts but lucky for you I am NICE and I shredded it for you and also those projections were poorly done so hit me up if you want someone who actually knows how regression works buddy
Catwoman never tries to rob Bruce Wayne because cats know that he is a cool guy. Actually it’s Batman that is always nice to cats but they smell the same so the cats don’t know the difference. They’re just like naw girl, that territory belongs to a friend of cats, don’t trespass unless it is for scritches because that guy gives some good scritches.
Robin eats one of the batcookies once and regrets it for the rest of the night. Don’t eat cookies left outside by small children. Just don’t.
Bruce Wayne got a JD/MBA and graduated at the top of his class, I know people like the idea of dropout Bruce Wayne backpacking around and learning to punch people but he also does not want to tank his father’s company or let criminals escape justice through Bat-shaped loopholes?? He probably went to Yale and took max credits every semester and spent all his time studying and working out and then went off in summers to learn new and exciting ways to punch a dude. He had no social life he slept like six hours max every night and he ruined the curve for everyone, what a dick.
I want a high fantasy movie where everyone talks with Southern US accents instead of British ones.
The Dwarves though, they can get Minnesotan accents.
ok but picture this: elves with brooklyn accents
“Hey HEY I’m castin’ here, what’d’you – listen, my pop and I serve the Great Tree goin’ back six hundred fuckin’ years so if you got a problem with our fuckin’ magic you don’t fuckin’ come down here into our fuckin’ grove to gimme shit about it.
“Right? You don’t see me fuckin’ goin’ into your shitty man-stables and tellin’ you how to milk horses, do ya? So instead you come down here, disrespect me, disrespect my pa, and how ‘bout you stop fuckin’ disrespectin’ the Great Fuckin’ Tree that grew whens’t the world was young and carries all our fates ‘n its boughs, okay?
