you are holding a thing. its in your hands. you look away for five seconds. you are no longer holding the thing and you cannot find it anywhere. you did not move from your spot. you do not know how this happened
you are scrolling down a website. you see something nice and you decide to read more about it. you scroll up to look into it. you see something nice. you decide you want to read more about it. you forgot the first thing you were going to search. you scroll down in hope to remember. you see something nice. you decide you want to read more about it.
there is a tear in one of your favourite outfits. you decide you can fix it. you grab the sewing supplies and put them down while you research how to do it. an hour passes. you wonder why there are sewing supplies by your bed.
where are your glasses?
there are three cups on your bedside table. you venture into the kitchen. you decide you want some water. you bring it back to your room. there are four cups on your bedside table.
youve had a towel around your shoulders for the past three hours. you are going to shower.
you’re watching a movie. you pick up your phone to have something to do while you watch the movie. you pause the movie. two days pass. you still havent finished the movie.
repeat to yourself so you wont forget, you think. repeat repeat repeat repeat. you no longer remember anything else but it. you look to the side. blue is a nice colour. what were you thinking about?
your leg wont stop shaking. it has a life of its own. you are not in control.
2016 started off with a tumblr witch stealing bones from graves and it set the tone for the whole year, so if 2017 starts off with anything worse, I’m just going to wrap myself up in pretty but comfortable clothes, lie down in a comfy place, and wait for death to take me
If you’re abled and you know someone who is disabled, please be aware that we need abled people to say, “we can’t do that if X says they can’t do it,” or, “Of course you can go home if you’re not well enough,” or, “Stop badgering them, if they say no they mean no.”
The pressure on us to perform to abled standards, socially, romantically and professionally is STAGGERING.
Don’t speak for us, but if we say we can’t do something, stand with us. Don’t let other abled people try to strongarm us into doing something we have stated that we cannot do.
I’ve seen a lot of videos going around of urban-dwelling critters coming to humans for help with various problems, ranging from boxes stuck on their heads to young trapped down a storm drain, and it’s gotten me to thinking:
On the one hand, it’s kind of fascinating that they know to do that.
On the other hand, setting any questions of how this sort of behaviour must have arisen aside for the nonce, does it ever strike you how weird it is that we’ve got a whole collection of prey species whose basic problem-solving script ends with the step “if all else fails, go bother one of the local apex predators and maybe they’ll fix the problem for no reason”?
well, come to think of it, we’re at the top of the food chain but we almost exclusively hunt and kill prey out in the country.
raccoons and possums and foxes and crows all succeed in an urban environment because they’re opportunistic and observant. and almost none of them would have observed us pounce on one of their species and then start eating it, you know? a lot of them would have observed that we scream and chase them out of wherever we don’t want them to be, but other animals are territorial too. but there’s a number of situations where humans feed whoever’s bold enough to take them up on the offer, and we do tend to pull garbage off of other animals as soon as they slow down enough for us to catch. ‘a human got me but nothing bad happened’ is a much more frequent thing than ‘a human got me and tried to eat me’.
anyway like, we’re masters of our environment, we make weird shit happen all the time, we have lots of great food and sometimes we share, and we almost never eat someone. it makes sense for urban animals, over the last century or so, to just keep an eye out for opportunities to use us, and to pass the habit on to their kids.
It really is a weird, funny thing. Like yeah, technically they’re predators, and they get pretty screamy, especially if you try to take any of their stuff… but given the chance it seems like they’d rather help us out and sometimes they’ll just randomly give you food, so???
I mean, I guess in fairytales and myths we’ve got our fair share of stories about dangerous people/creatures who might well kill you or otherwise ruin your life, but to whom people nonetheless turn for help in desperate circumstances. So it’s not like the perspective is exactly a foreign thing to our own mindset, really… It’s just that, y’know, we can’t actually go make a deal with the faeries when there’s something we can’t figure out.
(Which brings me to an interesting thought about the ubiquitous rule about never eating the faery food lest you find yourself forever unsatisfied with anything in the human world - and the potential parallels to the dangers of feeding wildlife human food lest they become addicted and too tame and dependent to be safe for either themselves or us. Hmm.)
I mean, isn’t “we didn’t kill them when they ate our garbage” basically how we ended up domesticating dogs?
Are we accidentally sorta domesticating crows and squirrels?
(Some rats have already been domesticated–pet rats and wild city rats are the same species, sure, but city rats do not like direct human contact and pet rats would quickly die if let loose)
THE IDEA THAT WE’RE FAIRIES TO RACCOONS IS MAKING ME GRIN.
so you know the rule in fairylands where you cant eat or drink anything or you’ll have to stay there forever? does like.. .eating out/sucking dick count
holy f uck jane
its a serious question
well like, the whole thing is that you cannot have consumed anything belonging to the fey realm. so, yes, probably, you would be stuck there. the same would apply if you just straight up ate a fairy.
new question: would deepthroating count in this case even w/o swallowing
no. temporary doesn’t count, otherwise fairies would all be running about sticking their hands in your mouth to get human servants.
you gotta digest it.
so like??? if you puke afterwards?? maybe it doesn’t count?
huh! i wonder how long is enough time for it to be legit. like whatever goes through your stomach immediately condemns you no matter if you throw it up later?
Well Persephone only ate 6 seeds so she only stayed 6 months, so maybe if you spat out most of it you’d just be condemned to the occasional day “BRB got go pay the two day toll for fellating a fairy.”
“you wanna come over for the weekend?”
“oh man im so sorry i sucked some fairy dick once and now i have to keep coming back to do it again– its a long story”
“you what now”
i can hardly believe this isn’t already the plot of an Oglaf comic
now that u said it im really surprised as well
what the fuck did i just read
Why ISN’T this an Oglaf comic yet?
I’m so happy that i’m not the only person who thinks of questions like these. I love you all so much.
I’m not convinced by this, actually!
Like, this analysis treats it as a substance problem, i.e. “edible matter from fairyland has properties that, if ingested, physically prevent you from being able to return to the real world.”
But OTOH, a recurring theme throughout fairy stories is that they’re all about…rules and exchanges and agreements with really steep interest rates:
“I’ll do you this favor, but if you don’t guess my name you’ll have to give me your first-born child.”
“You’re gonna be real good at everything but when you’re 16 you’re gonna prick your finger and die.”
“You loaned me $2 for the bus when I looked like a beggar, so now here’s a literal pile of gold and shit.”
Not to mention that in Childe Rowland, one of the central “if you eat food from fairyland you’re stuck there” stories, Rowland manages to retrieve his siblings despite them all presumably having chowed down on fairy food – all it took was beating the Fairy King in a swordfight and threatening to chop his head off.
The takeaway, I think, is that the food thing a matter of implicit exchange: if you get your grub on in fairyland, you’re accepting their hospitality and eating food that they own. This means you owe them, which the fairies can magically leverage to prevent you from leaving.
(You can probably get around this by explicitly agreeing to pay for your meal before you sit down to eat. From what I remember, fairies don’t seem capable of pulling a “Haha, we had an agreement but you’re fucked anyways!” maneuver, so if they agree to let you leave they might even be forced to helpyou leave.)
Which brings us to the matter at hand: if you blow a fairy you’re doing them a favor! They owe you.
And…they’re a fairy, so if you didn’t agree to terms beforehand they might not repay you in a way that’s ultimately helpful or safe, but it certainly doesn’t seem like they’d be able to, like, pat you on the head and be like “Thanks, you’re really good at this buuuuuuut also you’re stuck here forever now.”
Instead, what seems more likely is…I dunno, showing up to your wedding years later and giving you a beautiful white horse that always comes when called, while loudly praising you as truly deserving it for giving them them simply the best oral they’ve had in years.
Or they feel obligated to show up at your house a couple days a year. So, like
“you wanna come over for the weekend?”
“oh man I’m so sorry i sucked some fairy dick once and now he always comes by over memorial day weekend and helps me out with minor home repairs.”
“you what now”
This is my favorite act of intellectual bugfuckery on this entire website, when I die I want someone to print this out and place it in my grave with me so I can cherish it forever.
my fave overheard on campus moment of all time was the two guys who sat behind me in pop culture theory
as class was starting one of them was like “so… do you want a blowjob after this” in a rly bored voice, and then the second guy was like [pause][dejected sigh] “yes”
do u ever wonder abt urself from an external pov??? bc like. everyone is p complicated and contradictory on the inside, but other ppl get a very simplified version of who u r based on ur interactions w them or what they see u doin
like if i was a cartoon character, what archetype would i be? if i was a design, if i was a DESIGNED person, what parts of me would be the most cohesive/emphasized, and which less significant traits would not be perceived at all???? its just bonkers to think abt i guess
new ask meme tell me what archetypal features i have and what gets discarded
I was just watching star trek the motion picture for the first time ever (I liked it! it was slow but interesting! totally saw the ~~twist~~ coming from lightyears away but that was alright!), and you know how there’s this scene where they have the different enterprise evolutions drawings in the background:
And I noticed this one in particular:
This is the USS-Enterprise XCV-330, for those of you interested.
So I thought “huh, that looks familiar, actually”. And it is, because quite recently NASA unveiled concept art for their first ever warp-capable ship (once they figure out how to do warp safely), and it looks like this:
Eric Richard “Bitty” Bittle would absolutely destroy the competition if he ever competed on cutthroat kitchen because he would seem to be this sweet little baker to the other contestants and then it would switch to the personal commentary and he would have this terrifying smile on his face and he would just say “my boyfriend is an NHL star and I have my own restaurant I don’t need the money I am going to win this” and then he just comes out and kills every challenge and is still this sweet little baker boy and everyone is stunned
when bitty wins he just smiles and congratulates the other competitors and he still acts so sweet and innocent and says he’s gonna go donate everything to charity and everyone loves him
alton brown has never been this impressed and scared in his life
Bitty would be great because you would think he’s sweet and adorable and about to get steam rolled into the first round, and then surprise, he is the definition of cutthroat.
“I used to play hockey with my husband back in College, and I kind of miss that feeling of completely crushing your opponents.” (Later on you find out his husband is an NHL player…)
“Tiffany thinks she can get into my head, but bless her heart, she has no clue what she’s doing.”
Also, imagine one of the challenges is them cooking with their families, and everybody is expecting him to bring his NHL husband.
Bitty looks at the camera and starts laughing. “Oh Lord, no, absolutely no. I love Jack and he has gotten a lot better at following instructions, but I came here to win and I’m afraid Jack just doesn’t have what it takes to work in my kitchen. I brought the big guns.”
Bitty introduces Moo-Maw, who looks like a delicate little old lady and is about 80, and everybody is side eyeing him because of his choice, and then the competition start and Moo-Maw fucking throws down.
The two of them are like a hurricane in the kitchen and while they cook they have enough time to gossip/share stories.
“When are you and Jack giving me some great-grandbabies Eric?”
“Moo-Maw please not now.”
“I am not getting any younger you know! I am old and who knows how much time I have left in this world,” she says while smashing nuts with the wooden hammer and making the whole counter rattle. The camera man takes a step back.
Jack gets interviewed and somebody asks what he thinks of that “not having what it takes to cook in his husband’s kitchen comment.”
He just look at the reporter very seriously and replies. “I once helped with thanksgiving dinner and I have never feared for my safety like I did that day. My only job was doing the mash potatoes.”
I need someone to write more of this, like, yesterday.
Bitty is a strong baker in general, but quickly apparent to the other participants is that he is incredible at any of the challenges involving having to bake using random ingredients.
The other participants notice this pretty quickly, and ask him his secret. He just laughs and explains that when you’ve got a team of random hockey boys filling the fridge with all sorts of random odds and ends that suddenly need to be cooked to avoid wastage, you learn to adapt. They all think he’s exaggerating until he tells them the story about the avocado, bacon and cheese muffins with tabasco and the zucchini and apple cake.
The best part is when the story makes it to social media and then the rest of the Samwell alumni from the Haus both confirm that these dishes really happened and want to know how come Bitty hasn’t told anyone about the Peanut Butter Banana Bread with Maple Glaze that he made that one time because he thought Jack sounded homesick.
(Jack explains to them that they are all dead to him because now his nutritionist has added this too to Jack’s banned food list. :( )
And then there’s this one time that the oven isn’t working right, and Bitty figures this out pretty quickly, but also manages to salvage his dish and go on to win the round.
Alton Brown: “…that oven was malfunctioning.”
Bitty: “Oh heavens, compared to old Betsy, that was nothing!”
Other contestants: <are increasingly convinced that Bitty is a baking witch.>
Sorry go bug you, I just wanted to ask--what's Westworld? (your recs are always so fantastic and so much better than anything google could give me)
YOU ARE NEVER BUGGING ME, I LOVE TO TALK ABOUT STUFF I LOVE.
So. Westworld. First off: have you seen Joss Whedon’s Dollhouse? If no, proceed and read this pitch. If yes, second question: did you like it? If no, you won’t like Westworld. If yes, don’t even BOTHER with this pitch, just watch the show.
A quick disclaimer: Westworld is a brand spanking new show on HBO based on the 1973 movie of the same name and, HBO being HBO, they do what they fucking want, so this show…like, it’s a really good show, I really like it, but if you can imagine a trigger warning, it’s probably attached to this show. Sex, murder, rape, blood, gore, etc. This show is FUCKED UP. Ergo, the cut.
One of my favourite anecdotes about the first Golden Age of Piracy is that, at one point, Captain Henry Morgan left England in one ship, and arrived in the Caribbean commanding a completely different ship, and nobody knows why. What happened to the first ship and how he acquired the second one are entirely unrecorded.
At some point in his short career (1715 until 1718), the English pirate Ben Hornigold attacked a sloop near Honduras just to steal all the hats of the crew, because his own crew had gotten drunk the night before and they had tossed every single one of their own hats overboard.
Bartholomew Roberts, arguably the most successful pirate in history by ships captured (a whopping 470 in 3 years), didn’t actually want to be a pirate. His ship was captured and he was forced to join the pirate crew. After the original pirate captain was killed, he was democratically elected captain of the pirate crew less than 6 weeks after being captured by them.
Stede Bonnet, sometimes known as “The Gentleman Pirate” decided to become a pirate one day due to marital problems. He’d never sailed a day in his life, but he bought a ship (rather than stealing one) and then paid his crew wages instead of giving them a share of the plunder. He was such a useless and inexperienced captain that at one point, his crew abandoned him for Blackbeard’s and he just stayed on the ship as a guest.
have you ever seen the musical matilda (and i ask this for the way jenny honey is portrayed because it made my heart hurt in a good-bad way) (also because its been ages since i read the book and i cant remember)
I actually have not! In the interest of full disclosure, I don’t like musicals as a rule, they kind of aggravate me, save for a select few–Les Mis, aaaaaand…um, no, yeah. Les Mis. Oh, and Disney movies. I can sit through Moulin Rouge, I like some of the songs. I know exactly one song from Chicago but I’ve never felt motivated to watch it. I have seen RENT, but my interest in the plot is slim-to-none–again, I like a couple songs, but not the musical as a whole.
On the other hand, Matilda was my SHIT as a kid, so I’d honestly be prepared to see the musical just because MOTHERFUCKING MATILDA. And I love Miss Honey, she deserves the whole world.
I absolutely love your fics. If you're looking for another idea, how about, to go along in your hamilton reincarnation stuff, Ham and Burr meeting for the first time in their new lives (and maybe somehow John didn't pay attention in history class so he doesn't know the details about how ham died until they see burr? I'll leave that up to you)
OKAY let’s do the THING, I’m assuming that
this is set, like, the same day they meet Lafayette. Also, bonus Schuyler sisters and Hercules
Mulligan. EVERYONE, BASICALLY EVERYONE IS
HERE, because Burr’s luck is bad like that. …it’s possible that this got away from me a little bit.
Has Alex made some bad decisions in his life? Well, no, actually, this particular go-round
has overall gone pretty well for him (those couple of times he’s gotten into
fights with people much bigger than him notwithstanding) but then again he’s
still young and busy, it’s usually free time that gets him into trouble. He digresses.
Alex has made some bad decisions in his time, is the point here,
possibly many bad decisions in his
time.
However, he’s pretty sure this is not one of them. He’s pretty
sure that the exact correct response to finding an old friend from another
life, who, incidentally, is still rich enough to play poker with God, is to
call all your other old friends from other lives and go out drinking. Literally not a single one of them is legal, but
Lafayette solves that problem on the spot by whipping out his phone to text
Hercules.
“Stand together,” Lafayette orders, gesturing at John and Alex. He snaps a picture, sends it to Hercules with
I found you a couple of loud-mouthed
presents, we’re coming to you, and Alex grins, pulling out his own phone to
text the Schuyler sisters—Laramie sisters, now, but it just doesn’t roll off
the tongue quite as well. Lafayette
conducts them imperiously through the city to a bar—nondescript, plainly titled
Cato’s—and when the man at the bar
sees them walk inside, he grins like it’s Christmas.
Quoiromantic is a romantic orientation on the aromantic spectrum that describes people who cannot differentiate between platonic and romantic attraction, cannot define romantic attraction and therefore are not sure if they experience it, experience attraction somewhere between romantic and platonic, or want to be in a queerplatonic relationship. It’s also known as WTFromantic.
I did not know that in 7 states in America, you can carry out an abortion the day before you give birth (allows abortion at any time). That’s so fucking disgusting. And other states allow abortion up to 28 weeks. That’s not a ball of cells no more, that’s a damn baby. It’s good that abortion is legal but not the fucking late into the pregnancy 😷😷 nasty
You do know the reason abortion is carried out that late in a pregnancy is because of fetal abnormalities, right? There’s no woman that stays pregnant for 8 months and then decides “Meh, I’m just gonna have an abortion instead.”
These women are not nasty, they are not evil, they are women who were so excited to welcome their little one into this world. They are women who had a nursery set up and baby clothes bought. They are women who excitedly waited for their due date, took belly photos and updated the world on how their pregnancy was coming along. They are the women who woke up one day and felt that their baby wasn’t moving anymore. They are the women that felt in their gut that something was terribly wrong, just to have their worst fears confirmed.
They are the women who went to a regular checkup to find out that their baby is severely deformed and won’t live outside the womb, or will but only for a few days and suffer terribly the whole time. They are the women who have to make a decision to not let their baby suffer.
Women having abortions that late are not women who just decided to get an abortion 8 months into pregnancy. While that is there right to do so, know that isn’t what happens. Know that that isn’t the reality.
This is really upsetting to read but it is the truth, more people need to know this.
Something like 90% of abortions are first trimester, which is so early that the medical terminology vacillates between “zygote” and “fetus”, and whatever the name, the thing’s the size of a pencil eraser and has 0% ability to survive outside of the womb.
The remainder are performed in the 2nd trimester, generally as a result of fetal abnormality or a severe congenital defect.
The vanishingly rare 3rd trimester abortions are generally for one of two reasons:
1) the life of the mother is in serious danger 2) the fetus is either dead or dying
So no. Women aren’t just bouncing on coat-hangers at 37 weeks for a giggle, they’re undertaking a serious medical procedure for a heartbreaking reason.
I appreciate that this site has info on the differences between heart attacks in girls and in boys, but like
As a trans girl that’s been on hormones for almost two years now, I have no idea what to look for lmfao
All trans people, regardless of their gender, should make themselves familiar with how heart attacks typically present in women. ‘Masculine’ heart attacks aren’t exactly subtle. On the other hand many, many women end up dead only for the medical examiner to discover that they’ve had multiple heart attacks in the past that weren’t recognized or treated.
It doesn’t hurt to familiarize yourself with the way that heart attacks typically present themselves in both men and women and to seek emergency medical attention if you experience symptoms of either. Even cis men should make themselves aware of the different ways that heart attacks can present themselves.
Just… if you have any of the symptoms of a heart attack seek medical attention right away from an emergency room. Don’t blow it off because it could be the difference between life and death.
Honestly your Ham Reincarnation fic is the best thing ever. It's literally the only Hamilton fic I read (the idea of fanfic about americas founding fathers kinda weirds me out) but yours is just so good I want to cry
Oh my god, sweetie, I just clapped my hands over my face and squeaked in the middle of a library, this is??? So nice of you, oh my God, I’m a mess. Also I’m working on the prompt you sent in for that ‘verse, so, like, I hope it lives up to the rest of it. And, like, I’m tagging all of it with ‘all in one spot au’ so if you want to…follow the tag? Is that what people recommend when people are into their fic? I don’t know, please see previous commentary about me not taking compliments very well.
trying to make me jealous is the worst way of attempting to get my attention because ill just assume you don’t actually like me that much and that you’d be happier w/ someone else so ill leave you alone because i don’t like competing for affection and wish you the best in whoever you pursue instead
