Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win
Month
i-learned-it-from-the-pizzaman:
So my teacher told us that two blue eyed people can’t have a brown eyed kid and this kid in my class said “but both my parents have blue eyes and I have brown eyes”. The teacher said “so you’re adopted”. THe next day the kid came in and told us that he confronted his parents about it and that they said he was adopted but wanted to wait for the right time to tell him.
now that im in the space mood i’d like to remind each and every one of you that NASA drew a dick on mars. we drew a dick on another planet. that is mankind’s legacy.
THIS IS AN ACTUAL PHOTO OF THE SURFACE OF MARS. PLEASE NEVER FORGET THIS.
literary jokes never grow old
the painting in the attic does that for them
every sentence is a sexual innuendo if you think long and hard about it
- How they would react upon accidentally walking into a glass door
- Their reaction to having their name spelt wrong on a Starbucks drink
- What kind of vines they would make
- Their reaction to your favourite character
- How they would play The Sims
- What their finishing move would be
“If there’s no one beside you when your soul embarks, then I will follow you into the dark.”
wonderful
The first time Bucky meets Darcy, she’s wearing a grey t-shirt, and not much else. She’s standing in the kitchen, on the fourty-forth floor of the Avengers tower, at 3am, hissing as she burns her fingers trying to pry a charred bagel out from the confines of the toaster.
She…
i had a crush on this guy and i decided to pull a Pavlov on him by offering him whenever i saw him this brand of candy he seemed to really like and after a while whenever he saw me he got excited for a second then you could see his expression shift to wondering the why the hell was he so happy to see me and i swear it was the evilest thing but also the most hilarious i made a guy like me by conditioning him into associating me to a candy he liked
“If more girls wanted to be scientists, there would be more female scientists”
*takes a deep breath* WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY THAT ACTIVELY DISCOURAGES FEMALE INTELLIGENCE BY PAINTING IT AS A NON FEMININE TRAIT AND SETS UP MALES TO BE IN POSITIONS OF ACADEMIC SUPERIORITY DESPITE THERE BEING NO CORRELATION BETWEEN GENDER AND ACADEMIC ABILITY thank you for your time
“its not fair girls can wear pants and guys cant wear dresses” stfu yes you can. go to jc pennys. buy a cute dress. wear the dress. if anyone says you cant wear the dress. slay them.congratulations you are wearing a dress
the best part is that this argument is used by guys to try and prevent girls wearing trousers, but who is preventing men from wearing dresses? is it women? oh wait no it’s men and the patriarchy, fucking again.
a muggleborn student gets called a mudblood, so they lick their hand and wipe it on the pureblood’s face, singing “got mud on your face, you big disgrace, somebody better put you back into your place”
all the muggleborns in the vicinity immediately go *STOMP STOMP CLAP* repeatedly gettting closer and closer to the pureblood
and the pureblood’s like “holy shit is this some muggle damning ritual or something AM I GOING TO HELL I’M SORRY”
I actually let out a pleased little squeak when I saw this because ohhh man, that is beautiful.
Ex-renaissance painter vampire in the 21st century embarrassed at people looking at their work from 600 years ago shown in a museum.
“I used the wrong brush”
“It’s just a doodle”
“I’m going to burn it”
“The anatomy isn’t even that great”
“Leonardo made me do it”#‘WHY R U LOOKING AT THIS I WAS YOUNG THEN I DONT EVEN’
so apparently people talk to their pets in baby voices, but when i see my cat i’m just like ‘hey brad’ and he’s like ‘meow’ and the conversation is over.
I don’t know why but for some reason the fact that your cat’s name is brad is hilarious to me
Cool Names For You To Name Your Children
- Farquaad
- Farquaad II
- Farquaad III
- Farquaad IV
- Farquaad V
You could call them the farsquaad
i literally just laughed so hard i cried over this text post my dogs are scared they dont know whats sgoing on
never seen awful statues?? I think u are forgetting all of Michelangelo’s attempts at sculpting women, the big queer
Damn, how could I forget?
Dented oranges are my favorite type of breast
Michel-I’ve never seen a naked woman-angelo
- Every introvert is different.
- No seriously actually that’s it.
- No two introverts will actually be exactly the same.
- It’s like we’re almost different people and introversion versus extroversion is just about how you gather energy, not about how you enjoy spending it or related in any way to social anxiety, clingy personalities, or a general feeling towards humanity on a whole.
- We all love comfortable pillows though.
Oh.My.God.
There ARE ACTUAL REAL MEN OUT THERE??!
THAT RESPECT WOMEN?
THAT ACCEPT “no” FOR AN ANSWER?
What.is.happening.
Quick, reblog this everywhere so we can learn and grow as a species!
the fact that this is shocking is saddening.
The difference between learning a modern language and an ancient language is that in first year French you learn “Where is the bathroom?” and “How do I get to the train station?” and in first year Attic Greek or Latin you learn “I have judged you worthy of death” and “The tyrant had everyone in the city killed.”
“you have nice bone structure” can either mean “i find you aesthetically pleasing” or “you will be a strong warrior in the skeleton war”
one time in 7th grade everyone in my class got really quiet so i said “dildo” just to see the ridiculous reaction since i knew how immature 7th graders were
for 30 minutes, there was an uncontrollable uproar of laughter and someone fell and hit their head on a chair and had to go to the nurse
because i said dildo.
