Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win
Month
Here’s a basic rule: if you’re reading or watching a Shakespeare play, and you’re not imagining the actors standing in front of a mosh pit of jeering Londoners waiting to throw vegetables at the stage, you’re doing it wrong.
Shakespeare might have written the best works in the English language, or given us profound insight into the nature of humanity, or whatever — but his works wouldn’t have survived to our day if he hadn’t been popular when he was alive, and he wouldn’t have been popular when he was alive if he hadn’t been able to please the crowd. And that includes a lot of dirty jokes. A lot.
Sometimes in incredibly inappropriate places. We’re here to rescue a few of those for you, and retroactively embarrass the heck out of your fourteen-year-old self, who had to stand up in English class and read things that, in retrospect, are absolutely filthy.
This isn’t about the stuff that always does crack fourteen-year-olds up in English class, but is totally innocent: the “bring me my long sword, ho!” sort of thing.
But the kids who lose it every time the word “ho” is uttered are closer to the spirit of Shakespeare than the teacher who demands they treat the words like museum pieces.
Sure, it would be awkward for teachers to explain the Elizabethan double entendres to their students — but pretending they don’t exist makes Shakespeare seem unnecessarily stuffy and difficult.
So we’re going to start with the most obvious innuendoes, and move on to some seriously advanced sex punnery that is probably going to blow your mind.
”—Reading Shakespeare without the sex jokes is the real tragedy. (via newsweek)
some seriously advanced sex punnery that is probably going to blow your mind.
(via bethrevis)
Friendly reminder that yesterday when my mom took me to Walmart she left me alone in the toilet paper section and this guy started hitting on me and I said “Sorry, I’m a lesbian.” and he was like “Oh my god I’m so sorry I thought you were a boy.”
Soda just spewed out my nose
THAT WAS A PLOT TWIST
That was the best plot twist i’ve read in a long time
marvel give me a short about sharon’s undercover time as a nurse/steve’s neighbor and that one time she had to fight off ninjas from steve’s apartment while he was like, making dinner and sitting alone reading obama’s biography
With the music turned up really loudly because he’s a gentleman and he thought the noises were her having sex.
where is my black widow movie
where is my black widow movie
where is my black widow movie
- where is my black widow movie
WHERE IS MY MOTHERFUCKING BLACK WIDOW MOVIE
okay but why are there no ladyhawke aus of anything ever
because like
- it’s a great movie to begin with
- it’s medieval-fantasy setting which is a fun trope to play with
- it has star-crossed lovers sort of and everyone loves angst
- it has lycanthropy/shape-changing in it with a hella cool twist
- there’s a whole bunch of different kinds of characters so it’d be easy to fit everyone in roles
What Museum People do:
What Visitors do.
Repeat ad nauseam until you retire.
I have many pictures of signs warning me not to take pictures.
The thing that sucks about mental illness is that if you aren’t depressed enough, suicidal enough, bad enough, nobody cares. Nobody cares until you reach their standard, and that standard is when your problem is bad enough to effect them
The amount of people who can relate to this makes me equally incredibly sad and immensely angry
people need to fucking pay attention to this post
We call ships ‘she.’ We call our war machines ‘women.’ We compare women to black widows and vipers. And you’re going to tell me it’s not ‘lady-like’ to scream, to take up space, to fight and demand respect and do whatever the hell I want. You’ve looked at nuclear bombs and been so in awe that you could only name them after women. Don’t try to down-play my power.
BOOM.
a fucking pirate king at that
And it’s awesome because she started as this fucking proper Lady who was expected to marry a wealthy and accomplished, but one she did not love, but instead fell for the blacksmith and became a pirate, fucking shit up and taking names.
And she rocked every fucking second of her story, from Lady to Pirate King.
no but people who don’t like pacific rim because it wasn’t logical or scientifically accurate like
yes
we know
we don’t care
it is an homage to that genre. the original godzilla was a dude clearly in a rubber suit stomping cardboard tokyo and we were supposed to just…
in a choice between
iron man 4
or
BLACK WIDOW
the answer is
BLACK WIDOW
What’s even worse is that RDJ would make the same choice
this is really selfish but
why can’t mental illness be like any other kind of sickness where you go to hospital and your loved ones come and give you flowers and tell you that they love you and hold your hand and make sure you get better
why doesn’t that happen instead of awkward silences and embarrassing tears and messy bedsheets and a bunch of other stuff no one actually talks about
w h y
I can’t find a single selfish thing in that.
u know someone is having a rough day when their favorite song plays and they don’t sing along
No one will understand how much this just broke my heart.
do kids honestly get peer pressured into doing drugs because i havent ever even seen a marijuana in my 19 years of life
the one time i was seriously offered weed was in a field and my friend anna went “hey you want some” and i went “nah” and she just went “k” like i’m 90% sure peer pressure is something made up by old people
Who remembers
Motherfucking Scholastic
Book
Orders
And then the magical traveling circus of scholastic would randomly show up
at the motherfucking BOOK FAIR
love
seriously the best ever.
This was actually my childhood.
Wish they had these I high school
I’D ALWAYS ORDER BOOKS BECAUSE OF THE LITTLE BRACELETS THAT CAME ALONG WITH THEM
MONEY WELL SPENT
Remember when the first major motion picture starring a Marvel Comics character was about a relatively obscure African American character? That no matter your opinion of them, it was successful enough to spawn two sequels and a TV series?
Yeah. There’s no market for a POC led MCU film. Not at all.
Blade was fucking awesome.
MBTI TYPES INTERACTING WITH THE OUTSIDE WORLD:
ENFJ:
INFJ:
ENFP:
INFP:
ESFP:
ISFP:
ESFJ:
ISFJ:
ESTJ:
ISTJ:
ESTP:
ISTP:
ENTP:
INTP:
ENTJ:
INTJ:
“if you’re 18 why do you still ask your parents for permission”
I seriously thought it was normal to ask permission to do things from the people that own the house you live in and provide for you, even if you’ve reached the magical age of 18. I’m going to continue being polite and nice to my parents until they are no longer around. I seriously thought that this was normal.
SHOUT OUT TO EVERYONE WHO STILL TRIES TO GET BACK INTO THE SWING OF THINGS AFTER DEPRESSION HIT THEM HARD. THERE ISN’T ENOUGH RECOGNITION FOR THOSE PEOPLE WHO KNOW THAT THEY’RE GOING TO LOSE INTEREST AND MOTIVATION AGAIN BUT PUSH THEMSELVES TO DO STUFF ANYWAYS. YOU ARE FIGHTING A DAILY BATTLE WITH YOUR OWN THOUGHTS AND YOU’RE STILL COMING OUT ON TOP, YOU’RE ALL BRAVE AS FUCK
if i’m ever rich i’m gonna always leave huge tips, like 200%. that’s like the dream. having enough money to give some waitress 40 bucks extra just because she’s nice.
Why is it that evil villains always find poison to inject into their victims like just literally fill the syringe with air and just stick the needle between their toes or something. It’ll mimic a heart attack and the victim will die pretty quick and NO ONE WILL ASK MANY QUESTIONS BECAUSE IT’LL LOOK LIKE A HEART ATTACK
first of all how do you know this information i feel like the government doesnt want you to know that
Do you ever get rly pissed because the hunger games films could’ve told such a deep story with themes that reflect our own society’s oppressive systems
but instead they whitewashed the main leads, erased their disabilities, and pretty much romanticized the violence
The degree to which THG movies play into exactly the things the story condemns will never not be staggering to me
