ONLY ALL OF THEM
The interested reader should consult What Tolkien Officially Said About Elf Sex, the most extensive guide to elf sexuality I’m aware of. Also, be aware that I haven’t read Silm and anything in here contradicted by Silm is a result of ignorance.
The bits I find interesting are that (1) elf marriage is defined as being sex— the party is considered a good idea, but strictly optional, (2) elves don’t commit adultery and (3) elves can apparently tell from the way someone moves whether they’re wed or unwed. Now, this may just be that elves are Good Catholics, but are you kidding, there is an opportunity for my favorite tropes. I propose: elf hypermonogamy!
(I actually totally thought elf hypermonogamy was canon until I was researching my answer for this ask. GODDAMMIT TOLKIEN.)
Elves are universally demisexual: they literally do not experience sexual attraction to people they aren’t in romantic love with. Elves are only capable of being in love with one person at once. It takes them a long time to get over love; it’s quite common for a rejected elf to never fall in love again, and most of those who do go centuries before they do.
So, how does that affect my favorite ships?
I feel like Legolas/Gimli is super-more-awesome if Legolas was literally never sexually attracted to anyone before Gimli and has no idea what this emotion is. So he is all like OH GOD THIS DWARF IS SO ANNOYING >:( >:( >:( I JUST WANT TO THINK ABOUT HIM ALL THE TIME. BECAUSE HE’S ANNOYING. I WONDER WHAT HIS HAIR FEELS LIKE. And eventually this gets to the point where even Mr. They’re Taking The Hobbits To Isengard starts wondering if something’s up.
and then at Lothlorien he seeks the advice of Galadriel and Galadriel is like “Legolas, you’re in love” and Legolas is like “???!???!!!!!!”
and Galadriel thinks to herself “JESUS CHRIST, Legolas, Luthien and Arwen are one thing, human boys are sort of cute, but DID YOU REALLY JUST FALL FOR, OF ALL PEOPLE, A FUCKING DWARF”
(and then Gimli does the hair thing and she’s like “well, at least he has good taste”)
and then Legolas ends up having sex with Gimli. Now, dwarves totally have a culture of warrior homosexuality. (Also: everything homosexuality????) So Gimli is all like “ah, yes, manly men blowing off some steam in a manly way after battle, this surely does not mean Feelings” and Legolas is like “:( :( :( I will go stare at a river and write love poetry in Quenya more beautiful than the hearts of Men can bear” but he totally doesn’t let Gimli know because he doesn’t want to Pressure Gimli Into A Relationship and also because he will Take What He Can Get
and then at some point Aragorn is sadly singing to himself about Luthien as is his third-favorite hobby (behind beard growth and still not being king) and Gimli is like “why the hell would she give up her immortality anyway, dude, it’s fucking immortality? why can’t she marry an elf instead” and with one thing and another Aragorn ended up telling him about the Elvish Facts of Life
and then Gimli storms up to Legolas and is like YOU KNOW USUALLY I LIKE TO BE INFORMED WHEN I’M MARRIED TO PEOPLE
and Legolas is like “…I’m… married to you but you’re not married to me?”
and Gimli is like I DON’T KNOW WHAT NANCY SHIT YOU PONCY MOTHERFUCKERS GET UP TO BUT AMONG DWARVES MARRIAGE IS USUALLY CONSIDERED A TRANSITIVE PROPERTY
and Legolas was like “I am sorry, I understand if you will never speak to me again” and he is mentally drafting, like, the world’s saddest poem, like, it will win the Saddest Poem contest Elrond holds every year
and Gimli is like YOU FUCKING MORON OF COURSE I WANT TO BE MARRIED TO YOU HOW ELSE CAN I GET TO SHOW YOU ALL THE PRETTY CAVES
and Legolas is like “oh. Oh!”
and then he ends up smuggling his boyfriend into Valinor, I assume by just sort of shoving him into the luggage. “Dwarf? What dwarf? I don’t have a dwarf. What, no, my bag isn’t wriggling, you’re seeing things. Gosh, there are weird sounds on the sea, that one sounded almost like the word ‘fuck’.”
also I feel like this whole thing makes Elrond and Arwen infinitely more amusing
Elrond: NO YOU ARE NOT GOING TO MARRY ARAGORN
Arwen: GRANDMA DID
Elrond: AND LOOK WHERE THAT GOT HER
Arwen: I DON’T CARE I LOVE HIM
Elrond: THERE ARE LOTS OF NICE BOYS IN VALINOR, I’M SURE YOU’LL FIND SOMEONE ELSE
Arwen: NO I WON’T
Elrond: …fuck. You’re right.
Arwen: (looks smug)
Elrond: you know Elros really had the right idea, immortality is awesome but at least HUMANS HAVE THE CONCEPT OF SERIAL MONOGAMY
You can’t love someone’s mental illness away.
A little louder for those exhausting themselves every day
!!!!!!!!
thank you for this.
“PLEASE come wake me up again tomorrow”…think of all the lives this app could save
I’ve got this app and seriously it really helps. Not only do you have a calendar to record medication and feelings but you also want to wake up every morning to help the animal. It pretty much made my life better.
SO GUYS. Reblogging from myself because I just downloaded the app and it’s got some really useful features.
In the Settings section, there is a list of Helpful Websites for a variety of different mental health issues. The list is short, but it is a great idea.
The app has you input information (which you can choose not to share) like your local emergency number, local hospital, and an emergency contact person.
There are plenty of activities to keep you going in the right direction.
There is a calendar function and a medication reminder if you need one– and if you have an “as needed” medication, the app can remind you to take them if you check in in “Crisis” mode.
You can edit or change your information at any time, including your symptoms.
Also, less useful but really cute, you can dress up your animal buddy as you do more activities.
TL;DR This app is adorable and will probably be really, really useful for a lot of people.
BoosterBuddy!
I just downloaded this app this morning and it’s A M A Z I N G. I’m not overstating. This app combines some of the best elements and methods from all the various apps I’ve tried.
The two features that I haven’t seen elsewhere in mental health apps that I especially love are:
- It lets you choose a cute animal friend as a companion to keep you socially motivated. To “wake up” and play with this friend, you need to complete 3 wellness tasks (that are super simple and easy), once you’ve done your daily checkin tasks, the cute animal wakes up to play with you. You can tickle it, talk to it, and even play dress up!! Much more motivating than apps that try to make you feel connected to real people, IMO.
- It includes a “calendar” feature (not a big overwhelming calendar like a normal app) that lets you add your own tasks to your daily checklist. So now, along with “checked in,” “completed quests,” and “take medication” I have an extra task that’s alerting me to the fact that I have an important phone call coming up. It made me describe this as “appointment”: “An appointment means someone is counting on you to be somewhere.” I think that might be the most motivating description of an appointment ever. As an anxious person who tends to cancel and reschedule everything, this app is already making me feel better.
A+++++++++ plz download now guys
This app is amazing! I just noticed it said “people who menstruate,” so it is inclusive of trans people. Great attention to detail.
oh yeah and i can’t believe it’s taken me this long to bring this up but i’m absolutely not here for people shading the “american girl today”/”my american girl” line because
- the line literally enables girls to create a doll that looks like them
- including a wide array of non-white skin tones and non-european features
- like black dolls with curly and textured hair
- or asian dolls that appear to have epicanthic folds
- and they’ve also released accessories like doll-sized wheelchairs, hearing aids, and crutches so that girls who aren’t able-bodied or are hard of hearing can have a little friend who shares their experiences
- and they’ve even begun to offer dolls without hair for little girls who have alopecia or have lost hair while battling cancer
- and basically if you don’t think that’s the tightest shit then get out of my face
Also: SERVICE DOGS.
IT’S SO CUTE IT EVEN HAS TRAINING TREATS. You go American Girl.
They also consulted the Nez Pierce when making their Kaya doll and that’s why her smile doesn’t show teeth, among other things, and they’ve released some beautiful, and accurate, modern Powwow regalia for her.
Also they’ve been offering all this stuff since I was still getting the catalog. I just turned 29, so if I’m going to guess, that means they’ve been offering these options since at least 1996ish.
imagining rey bringing gifts back from her ‘find luke’ trip for finn really warms my heart
Rey trying to think of how she’s gonna present it to him, like,
“Finn, no big deal but I found this rock and it was so beautiful and it gave me a warm feeling that made me think of you, so… too strong. That’s way too strong.
Um… Finn, this stone symbolizes constancy through adversity and love in spite of… Still too strong, ohhhh why is this so HARD…”
In the end she flings the gemstone into his lap.
“Got you a rock.” She says.
Finn LOVES it.
is “chai” a TYPE of tea??! bc in Hindi/Urdu, the word chai just means tea
its like spicy cinnamon tea instead of bland gross black tea
I think the chai that me and all other Muslims that I know drink is just black tea
i mean i always thought chai was just another word for tea?? in russian chai is tea
why don’t white people just say tea
do they mean it’s that spicy cinnamon tea
why don’t they just call it “spicy cinnamon tea”
the spicy cinnamon one is actually masala chai specifically so like
there’s literally no reason to just say chai or chai
They don’t know better. To them “chai tea” IS that specific kind of like, creamy cinnamony tea. They think “chai” is an adjective describing “tea”.
What English sometimes does when it encounters words in other languages that it already has a word for is to use that word to refer to a specific type of that thing. It’s like distinguishing between what English speakers consider the prototype of the word in English from what we consider non-prototypical.
(Sidenote: prototype theory means that people think of the most prototypical instances of a thing before they think of weirder types. For example: list four kinds of birds to yourself right now. You probably started with local songbirds, which for me is robins, blue birds, cardinals, starlings. If I had you list three more, you might say pigeons or eagles or falcons. It would probably take you a while to get to penguins and emus and ducks, even though those are all birds too. A duck or a penguin, however, is not a prototypical bird.)
“Chai” means tea in Hindi-Urdu, but “chai tea” in English means “tea prepared like masala chai” because it’s useful to have a word to distinguish “the kind of tea we make here” from “the kind of tea they make somewhere else”.
“Naan” may mean bread, but “naan bread” means specifically “bread prepared like this” because it’s useful to have a word to distinguish between “bread made how we make it” and “bread how other people make it”.
We also sometimes say “liege lord” when talking about feudal homage, even though “liege” is just “lord” in French, or “flower blossom” to describe the part of the flower that opens, even though when “flower” was borrowed from French it meant the same thing as blossom.
We also do this with place names: “brea” means tar in Spanish, but when we came across a place where Spanish-speakers were like “there’s tar here”, we took that and said “Okay, here’s the La Brea tar pits”.
Or “Sahara”. Sahara already meant “giant desert,” but we call it the Sahara desert to distinguish it from other giant deserts, like the Gobi desert (Gobi also means desert btw).
Languages tend to use a lot of repetition to make sure that things are clear. English says “John walks”, and the -s on walks means “one person is doing this” even though we know “John” is one person. Spanish puts tense markers on every instance of a verb in a sentence, even when it’s abundantly clear that they all have the same tense (”ayer [yo] caminé por el parque y jugué tenis” even though “ayer” means yesterday and “yo” means I and the -é means “I in the past”). English apparently also likes to use semantic repetition, so that people know that “chai” is a type of tea and “naan” is a type of bread and “Sahara” is a desert. (I could also totally see someone labeling something, for instance, pan dulce sweetbread, even though “pan dulce” means “sweet bread”.)
Also, specifically with the chai/tea thing, many languages either use the Malay root and end up with a word that sounds like “tea” (like té in Spanish), or they use the Mandarin root and end up with a word that sounds like “chai” (like cha in Portuguese).
Every language does this! It’s called semantic narrowing (the process is, anyway). Here’s a post where @linguisten explained it. :)
Man, I want queer fairytales too, but what I really want is for them to follow traditional fairytale tropes and structures while they do it. I want rules of threes and true names and quest stories and impossible tasks and disguises and riddles, I want blood and death and happy endings. I want more stories in the shape of oral folk tales, but with queer people in. Modern reimaginings where ‘and the prince was really a princess’ is a solution to the problem of the narrative are great, but I’d like to see more where it’s an uncommented-upon fact that there are queer people in this fairy tale, but the tale has other, very traditional problems (the princess won’t laugh, the cow has gone dry, the bridegroom intends to murder and eat the bride) that they need to solve by being kind and clever and brave and a little bit rebellious, as well as whatever their identity may be.
In case anyone was curious, I’ve never really…drunk alcohol before. So I’m sitting with my best friend and our legal-to-drink buddy and they’re playing alcohol and I’m on Tumblr and making snarky remarks and between the three of us we’ve gone through most of a bottle of rum in well under an hour. Updates will be forthcoming as events occur.
Well, I couldn’t pass a sobriety test, but then I can’t really walk in a straight line while sober anyway? But I still seem more sober than the others, which I think is hilarious, because, on the one hand, yeah, I’ve had one less shot than them, but on the other hand I’m also supposedly a fucking lightweight (I’m fucking tiny in case you’re curious). Also my fingers feel sort of floaty and detached which is both terrifying and kind of awesome.
I am the sober drunk person, by all evidence. The person who might be really dizzy, but as long as I’m sitting still and awake you probably couldn’t tell if I was more than tipsy. Also I’m awake now and either I’m still a little buzzed or I’m just so incredibly sleep deprived I feel dizzy (also quite probable) and not hungover.
aqeu:
@ bernie supporters: if hillary wins the primaries, vote for hillary.
@ hillary supporters: if bernie wins the primaries, vote for bernie.
either of them are so much better than anyone on the republican side and don’t refuse to vote just because your fav didn’t win
Literally
THIS.
This is how Trump could win, not because he has the most supporters, but because he has enough supporters if his detractors don’t vote. Don’t let him win. VOTE. Even if your favored candidate doesn’t make it past the primaries, VOTE and keep Trump out.
Unless you’re a Trump supporter. Then I want you to take a good, hard look at your life choices. And get some therapy.
So I see this
and all I can think is
this
oh my god this got so many notes
Eat shit, Ra
Why am I laughing???????
some of my biggest insecurities only became insecurities after my mother pointed them out to me and turned my characteristics into flaws.
parents, fucking watch what you say to your kids.I know this post is meant for women, but this.
This post is for everyone actually, no worries. Boys and other genders can definitely experience what I’m talking about in my op.
So I’m either pleasantly drunk or pleasantly sleep deprived, but either way I feel very flushed and warm and fuzzy toward the world and humanity at large, someone should talk to me about something warm and fuzzy.
In case anyone was curious, I’ve never really…drunk alcohol before. So I’m sitting with my best friend and our legal-to-drink buddy and they’re playing alcohol and I’m on Tumblr and making snarky remarks and between the three of us we’ve gone through most of a bottle of rum in well under an hour. Updates will be forthcoming as events occur.
Well, I couldn’t pass a sobriety test, but then I can’t really walk in a straight line while sober anyway? But I still seem more sober than the others, which I think is hilarious, because, on the one hand, yeah, I’ve had one less shot than them, but on the other hand I’m also supposedly a fucking lightweight (I’m fucking tiny in case you’re curious). Also my fingers feel sort of floaty and detached which is both terrifying and kind of awesome.
I think as a culture we have all forgotten that fandom is supposed to be fun.
It’s not that serious.
It was never supposed to be that serious.
Especially since most of the drama and hurt revolves around shipping.
All of the ships are fictional. Being canon doesn’t actually negate the fact that the ship isn’t real.
No ship, or any aspect of a fictional universe, is important enough to treat another real life human being badly.
It’s not that serious.
i wish there wasn’t such a stigma around being proved wrong, bc it’s a part of life, no one can be right all the time. if we didn’t feel as much shame about it i think a lot of things would change a lot faster
we all need to practice saying “I hadn’t thought of it like that” “I hadn’t seen it that way before” “I must have misunderstood the first time I heard about it” “if I had known those facts I wouldn’t have thought like I did”
I need to learn this 🙈
In case anyone was curious, I’ve never really…drunk alcohol before. So I’m sitting with my best friend and our legal-to-drink buddy and they’re playing alcohol and I’m on Tumblr and making snarky remarks and between the three of us we’ve gone through most of a bottle of rum in well under an hour. Updates will be forthcoming as events occur.
pros and cons of gryffindor house
pros:
- enthusiastic and willing to help
- they’re the kid who gets stuck holding the door for everyone, but they’re grinning the entire time
- brave enough to be the one to order pizza
- protective of everyone, it doesn’t matter who they are
- loud and powerful
- beautiful and radiant as the freaking sun you will remember them
cons:
- loud as hell
- big on trying to push people far out of their comfort zones
- tend to be conceited
- you know that kid who lectures everyone about how they should be better people and then just sort of turns around and bullies the class jerk? they’re probably a gryffindor
- and they probably think they’re helping the class
- they always want to be the best
- over the top
am i the only person not affected by generalized positivity… like post it notes in bathrooms that say ‘you’re beautiful’ or posts that are like ‘smile! you are a beautiful sunshine flower!’ i’m just like … okay…
I just heard a psychologist (Guy Winch) say that the people that positive affirmations help most are actually the people who have high or at least normal self-esteem. They really do cheer those people up!
But for the rest of us they run so counter to our general worldview (we’re fundamentally bad and deserve nothing) that our brain rejects them immediately as lies and uses that moment to remind us of how terrible and abnormal we actually are.
What usually works for people with low self-esteem is stuff like writing out a list of very specific things we know we’re good at, and revisiting it every day to write a paragraph elaborating on one of those things (i.e. “I’m a compassionate person and here are five examples”) to try to set our brain on a different track long term.
That makes so much sense.
the psychology behind the “ok that sounds fake but ok” meme
i adore how much Dirty Millennial Writers focus on found family as a central theme. we love it so much! we all just wanna move in together in a big house with all of our friends and marry everyone, and i think that’s nice
ia we’re all super dysfunctional organisms and we all want to come together to form one MUCH LARGER dysfunctional macroorganism and i think its a very noble ambition
This is truly a historic year. We’re either going to elect a woman, a Jew, the Zodiac Killer, or the start of the Fourth Reich.
listen. there’s nothing “boring” about ships that are stable and built on mutual trust and respect. there can be angst and drama and all those juicy bits without the characters being absolutely abysmal to each other all the damn time
fun fact: if you text a landline, it’ll call the landline in a robot voice and read the text
less fun: our intern was locked out this morning and didn’t realize the number she had for the other assistant was a landline so she texted it because she was locked out so at 9:30 this morning our phone rang with a robot voice loudly saying PLEASE LET ME IN before hanging up
if you were praised for being smart as a child and now feel crippling sensations of inadequacy when you don’t instantly know how to do something perfectly clap your hands
one of the many things I super love about Deadpool is that they treat negasonic teenage warhead like a teenager, sure she has awesome as fuck superpowers but she doesn’t have any sort of romantic hints, she isn’t irresponsible with her powers, she has a guardian with her when she does her (awesome) dangerous shit, she is most definitly not treated like a child, but she is also not treated like an adult, she has a responsible guardian with her when necessary
who even tries to feed her protein bars, I think that hollywood tends to forget that there is an in between stage, that teenagers do exist and need to be represented as something other than unrealistically mature or unrealistically immature
i want a nick fury movie tbh
like
i want a movie of nick fury & maria hill hunting down the scattered hydra cells and completely fucking up their shit
God I want this
And I want it as a straight up road trip movie as they take out Hydra in the US.
I want all or all but the final battle scenes to be off-screen.
I want them to consist of Nick listening in on a headset while muffled screams and weapons fire is heard, while he eats a nice sandwich and smiles to himself about how he told those assholes not to cross Maria.
I want another one to consist of them being held up at gunpoint, and I want Nick to say “would you like to?” and Maria gesturing with her hands still up, saying “no no, sir, I know you’ve been wanting to all day,” and he nods and she drops to the floor to get out of the way of gunfire, a filing cabinet crashes to the ground next to her, and she pries it open to sift through the intel while the shadow of bodies flying through the air cross over the paperwork as she reads.
I want them to become a regular at a diner at the geographical center of the country, where they tend to come and regroup and get some rest. And there should be a salt-of-the-earth waitress there with a midwestern accent who flirts with them both and knows how they like their eggs and coffee. I want Nick to tell more stories about his badass Grandfather and I want more backstory about him in general.
I want them to trade off between Maria’s vehicle of choice – a black SUV that, while somewhat obvious, basically has 99% of available SHIELD tactical gear neatly stowed in the back, and Nick’s vehicle of choice – a sedan from the early 80s that makes up in sheer stopping power what it lacks in style. Scenes of them cruising through the night with extremely classy music playing low on the radio.
I want them staying off the radar in cash-only motels, sharing a bottle of whiskey while they stitch up and plan their next move.
I want them dressed to the nines in an extremely expensive hotel – I want Nick in a straight-up tuxedo – when it’s time to infiltrate and get a high level operative out of the US government.
I want them to talk shit about the Avengers, but low-key. Except for Natasha. They both agree Natasha suffers fools about as well as they do.
… maybe what I really want is a Nick Fury TV series. Hm.
also Melinda May ditches Agents of SHIELD because they don’t appreciate her, and joins this roadtrip, yes/yes?
In the same week, Chris Rock compared a beautiful love story about two women to girl-on-girl porn, and Pornhub released stats that show that “Lesbian” is the most searched porn term in 30 states.
We can talk about how awful this is, how much they hate us. But instead I just want to give you all a reminder:
Your existence is not a porn category. Your sexual desires don’t exist for men. Your love isn’t inherently exhibitionist or wrong, and neither is your sex life. You are not here for them or their pleasure; you are here because you love and desire women. And no matter how many times some asshole jokes about you and your girlfriend’s kisses being ‘hot,’ no matter how many times how many time your lesbian-related google search leads you to a porn site, it doesn’t change the fact: there is nothing dirty about you, men have nothing to do with your intimacy, and they will never, ever understand.
leia ‘aren’t you a little short’ organa totally takes after her father anakin ‘shorter than i expected’ skywalker
luke ‘theres still light in him’ skywalker totally takes after his mother padme ‘theres still good in him’ amidala
honestly people try to make out that luke is like anakin and leia is like padme. but tbh watching the movies it seems like its completely the other way round
My tummy doesn’t have to be cute. It holds my internal organs.
My thighs don’t have to “crush men’s skulls”. I use them to carry myself.
My stretch marks don’t have to be tiger stripes I earned. They came when I grew.Stop.
feeling this
This!
I feel like even body positivity is too focused on, like, the appearance of the body. I know I became a whole lot happier with my body when I started thinking of it less in terms of how it looked (to me or anyone else) and realized, that, like…
When I feel cool breeze on my skin on a really hot day, my body did that for me.
When I step into a bath after a hike, and my muscles ache, but in a good way, and the steam all around me makes me feel like a flower blooming, my body did that for me.
And the hike before it, and standing on a large rock breathing the raw winter air seeing the power of the half-frozen river. That too.
When I’ve had a plate of pasta puttanesca, and I chopped and sauteed the ingredients and now I’m full-but-not-uncomfortable, and warm all over, and perfectly content, my body did that for me.
My body doesn’t have to look awesome to be awesome. It’s awesome because it’s where I live.
Best comment.
Pros of ace friends:
“Netflix and chill” actually means watching a show and relaxing.
What is the other meaning?? Isn’t it supposed to actually mean watching a show and relaxing?
Apparently it’s supposed to mean “pretend like you’re inviting someone over for movies but it’s actually for sex.” So I’m definitely in the too asexual for this meme club.
-Mod Talie
Cons of being the ace friend:
You’re the only one who thinks ‘netflix and chill’ actually means watching a show and relaxing, and issuing invitations for such to others gets really awkward.
Fun story. I’m not ace, but I AM oblivious, so I bounded up to my roommate/friend a few months back when Netflix and chill was first a THING and I was like “Hey, bro, buddy, comrade, you want to hide in the dorm room tonight and watch Netflix and chill?” And there was at least one person near us who was like “This just in: we’ve officially confirmed that these two are banging.” And I kind of blinked because, yeah, everyone and their brother thinks my roommate and I are banging (including her girlfriend and the girlfriend is…remarkably okay with this), but I had no idea how one thing had turned into the other, and my roommate had to sit down and explain it to me after she stopped laughing.
THINGS I CURRENTLY LOVE ABOUT HUMANITY, A LIST