psA: APRIL IS COMING UP SOON PLEASE DONT BREAK UP W PEOPLE AS JOKES DONT ASK PEOPLE OUT AS JOKES IT FUCKIN SUCKS MAN JUST RICKROLL THEM OR DRAW A DICK ON THEIR FOREHEAD WHILE THEY ASLEEP
also no screamers, epileptic inducing images, or fake messages of “insert person here” has died today on april 1, 2015. Just be cool; not offensive or harmful, yah?
It’s so weird that Daisy Ridley is eyeballing that Lara Croft role in the Tomb Raider reboot, like, sure Star Wars was really big but you can’t just be a beloved space hero in one franchise and also be a big name as some kind of combat archeologist. Who’s ever doubled up like that?
this is eunotosaurus he is like turtle great great gr8 gr8 gr8 grandpa
him ribs big. then l8er u got later on there this dude who got big ribs 2
him name pappochelys we just found him
then those red things (they called gastralia) got real big n it make a plastron n u got the odontochelys
they got hard bellies n big ribs but shell doesn’t come for millions of years but then u got shell n u got proganochelys
he live with dinos he so lucky
shell happens to baby turtle because carapacial ridge goes over their shoulders instead of under wow
here is diagram of human and tortle skeleton after tortle has enslaved human and make him walk like dog for amusement
turtles might be cousins to either lepidosaurs (sneks, lizrds n tuatara) or archosaurs (crocs n birbs) but probably archosaurs turtles are probably related to birbs which is cool
i have a literal degree in zoology and my final capstone thesis was on turtle evolution and phylogeny so this isn’t misinfo buddy buster brown @vulpiximisa fear not
I read this post twice and realized that it is actually the perfect form of science communication for Tumblr. There is nothing factually inaccurate here, despite what you would usually expect of posts with similar syntax. Bless you.
The guy next to me in a coffee shop is
telling his date ‘You know you girls are all liars. Well, not all, but I’d say
80%. More than half.’
‘Girls think they have power over men by using sex as a bargaining chip and they don’t.‘
Now he’s telling her about a ‘psycho’
date he had who started telling him how ‘patronizing’ he was OUT OF NOWHERE
He’s a musician but he says he couldn’t date any of the ‘sheep’ who come to his gigs.
He’s been talking about himself literally nonstop since I sat down fifteen minutes ago. The scariest thing is the girl is listening actively, leaning forward, and smiling and giggling while I’m mentally screaming ‘Run, girl, run!’
Now he’s talking about gig he did for the troops in Afghanistan and how dangerous it was. ‘I could have been shot by a sniper at any second. But I was making people human. I was keeping them from going crazy. I was playing bass and crowd-surfing on my back. We were treated like ACDC. I had a prejudice about the military but you see the armed forces for what they are. They’re good people.’
He’s finally stopped telling her about the military and has gone back to covering every detail of his career. I still know absolutely nothing about his date.
Now he’s complaining about how bad the dancers were at one of his gigs (‘pathetic, ridiculous’).
Now he’s giving her a detailed history lesson on Greco-Turkish military conflict. I swear I’m not making any of this up.
Summary of the rest of the date:
Guy’s talking continues, relentless. Girl’s responses slowly growing more and more lackluster (unnoticed). Finally Guy gets up to use the bathroom. I casually say to Girl, ‘First date?’ A few seconds later, we’re recapping every obnoxious moment, literally holding onto each other, doubled over and gasping with laughter. ‘He hasn’t stopped talking since I sat down!’ ‘Oh my god, I’m so tired!’ ‘I mean, it’s your choice, but I wouldn’t go on a second date with that guy.’ More peals of laughter. ‘Oh my god, I’m so tired!’ ‘Not that I wanted to eavesdrop, but when he said all women were liars…’ ‘I know, right? I couldn’t believe it! I didn’t want to offend him, but…’ And so on. Finally: ‘Shh, here he comes.’
We straighten up and I pretend to be working on my laptop. Guy comes back to the table and they leave together. She waves at me behind his back.
If you’re on tumblr right this very second, you should know that even if times get rough you are still a fucking fantastic person and you deserve to have a great day.
Public Service Announcement: If you are not a virgin do not presume to wear a white wedding dress. It is an honor that is earned from chastity and virtue. Not a tradition for you to soil if you lacked the same.
what about anal? does it count
The idea that the white wedding dress is “an honor that is earned from chastity and virtue” is historically bullshit.
In the west the white wedding dress has it’s origins in the Victorian era, specifically in the white dress Queen Victoria wore in her marriage to Prince Albert. At the time, red was the most popular color for upper-class women to wear at their wedding, and her wedding dress was sort of the contemporary version of Lady Gaga wearing some outlandish outfit to a red carpet event. (She also eschewed the ermine and crown traditional for a queen to wear, which was quite startling to many people.)
After that, a pure white dress became a fashionable way for wealthy, upper-class women to show off their money. Because a pure white dress would quickly yellow and could be ruined by a single spill or a little dirt in an era before 20th century laundering techniques, a white wedding dress was a way of saying “that’s right bitches, I’m so rich I can afford to have this beautiful, elaborate gown made for me and I’m only going to wear it once. Plus odds are good I’ll never work a day in my life or come into contact with anything that might soil it so yeah, great to be me, right?”
Connotations of spiritual purity and eventually virginity only came years later, when the idea of a “white wedding” began to appear in etiquette and housekeeping guidebooks. Even then, it was more because these qualities were associated with upper-class women rather than because the white dress was an honor earned through keeping hands off one’s genitals. Even then, most women just wore their best church dress to their wedding for quite a while. It was the image of thew white wedding dress in post WWII Hollywood movies that finally cemented it as a standard and iconic part of the culture.
Nowadays of course, the American wedding is an orgy of conspicuous consumption, and every woman regardless of her financial situation is expected to get married in a dress she’ll never wear again.
tl;dr, that tradition you’re so keen on protecting has less to do with virginity than is does with showing off big wads of cash.
Poor people would traditionally wear their Sunday best to get married in. They were usually black, brown or other dark colours, because Sunday Best outfits had to last for years and be appropriate for all occasions, including funerals.
Reblogged for historical debunking
I’m always in favor of historical debunking that also gives the middle finger to Magical Virginity.
Hey op I love fucking and I’m gonna wear white to my wedding are you mad?
I love when Tumblr trashes troll bait with historical truth bombs. Also, having recently gotten married, I really wish we could go back to the “just wear your fave dress, k?” version of weddings. Because the pressure to spend thousands of dollars on a dress that you use once is horrible.
Interesting cause I always wanted to wear red to my wedding
OH MAN I FORGOT TO TELL YOU THE BEST THING THAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT
So, last night was the conference mixer - at the bar with the 25-cent perogies. There was free food and beer, and because biologists tend to be less gregarious than our study species’, once the food was gone like 75% of the crowd left. The crew from my university stuck around because we’d discovered the pool tables, and also weren’t finished making clear how hard a bunch of saskies can demolish ‘all-you-can-eat perogy’ night. A handful of others stayed too - including one guy we’ve been calling Man-Bun all week because, well, he has a man-bun.
Now, admittedly we pre-judged this guy based on his hairstyle and mannerisms as probably having a 95% chance of being a douche, but because we’re all adults we didn’t really do anything about it and continued to be reasonably polite.
So at one point all the women in the room had gravitated to one corner, and Man-Bun came over and was like “Oh, we should take a group picture of all you guys, to put on the conference website for next year” (he is under the mistaken impression that his uni will get the conference next year, which it won’t if we have anything to say about it).
So we all group together, and he raises his camera phone, and he says
“Say ‘sexy bitches’!“
Now I’m not sure what experiences in his life had prepared him to expect a positive response to this statement from a bunch of female scientists, but…
The one guy from our crew was standing behind him, and he says all of our faces immediately curled into vicious snarls, like
Yesterday I learned that tampons were not originally created for ~feminine hygiene~ but for plugging up bullet wounds for WW1 and the nurses started using them and were like actually this is p effective and voila tampons thanks WW1
so what you’re saying is that tampon commercials should be shot like war films
Yes.
Are you saying that periods are equivalent to bullet wounds
i swear when i get older im gonna end up writing, like, auntie lia’s big big book of practical life advice for garbage humans
“remember, don’t take random pills you just find on the ground because you’re ‘curious what will happen’”, “never trust a psychiatrist”, “most ghosts will leave you alone if you just tell em to scram in a real assertive tone of voice”, “mix some salsa into the instant mac n cheese so you don’t get scurvy”, “lies it’s okay to tell in a job interview 101: an introduction”, “accepting the inevitable embrace of the grave, but not right this minute”, “diy haircuts for the broke, lazy, and/or sensorily hypersensitive”, “can’t i just glue it back together? a comprehensive guide to household items”
i can already taste the tens of dollars of revenue we will be making
Are you kidding, I can think of forty college juniors off the top of my head who would pay fifty bucks a pop for an Adulting 101 guide. And I go to a really small college.
“the millenium falcon would wipe out the enterprise in seconds” lmao the enterprise is just an innocent science class floating thru space…. all they wanna do is look at some rocks… kiss an alien…. find some space plants….. why would you fight that its not a battleship theyre just nerds…… leave them olone
A friend of mine saw this and brought up some interesting arguments
my fav linguistic trend is how younger ppl use “like” to signify paraphrasing and how older ppl dont get it. i’ll say something along the lines of “he was like, ‘fuck off!’” and any older person in the vicinity will be like “did he really say that??” no i was paraphrasing, hence the use of “like” instead of “said.” try to keep up, sandra
so my dad’s friend was bartending and saw a guy put something in a girl’s drink so while the guy turned around he switched their drinks and watched the guy roofie himself.
Does anyone else just lay in bed for an hour or so before they fall asleep and generate their own fanfictions? And they are super elaborate and you just sit and go through it and wasting precious sleeping time.
Reblog if u do.
ok guys i’ve seen that oscar isaac as grantaire fancast post floating around and i just wanna say i love and support you all and i hear what you’re saying but have you considered Oscar Isaac as Enjolras????
because let’s face it he’s… really….. gorgeous…. and… post TFA I think we all know he is capable of vibrating with charismatic revolutionary fervour??? And don’t you want to see what would happen if someone let– nay, encouraged– him to turn that charm and intensity up as far as it’ll go?????
for example:
look at that heroically furrowed brow??? look at the ~easy yet firm~ set of those shoulders? Guys! This is a picture of Enjolras!! This a picture of Enjolras!!! And he’s so!! intense!!! Like half of the pictures of him i see i feel like they should be immediately captioned with “charming / capable of being terrible”
In conclusion: there are so many men who can play sad bastards that are still emotionally compelling and there are so few that can BEAM CONVICTION LIKE HORRIBLE SEXY LASERS OUT OF THEIR EYEBALLS, VOTE OSCAR ISAAC FOR ENJOLRAS.
My great-grandmother was pregnant for over a decade of her life.
She was pregnant at least fifteen times, had over a dozen children. Raised all of them in a big rambling farmhouse in central Pennsylvania.
And I thought about her this afternoon, lying in bed with my spouse after my lazy weekend nap, snuggling him and burying my nose in his hair, taking deep breaths of the scent of his skin. This man who is the center of my universe, my best friend, one of two reasons why I literally decided I had to live and kept fighting through the pain after surgery when I really wanted to just let go and die: I held him closer and I thought of her.
I thought of how family myth tells us that after a decade of being pregnant pretty much constantly, she kicked my great-grandfather out of their house. How she made him go live in his workshop, and he came to the house for meals and to check in.
But he slept in his workshop.
Not because she didn’t love him, but because she did.
She loved him, and if they slept in the same bed together, these two people who had crossed an ocean together, had built a life together after getting out of Poland together, they’d have sex. And because cheap, reliable, universal birth control wasn’t available then, and she was terribly fecund, apparently, she’d become pregnant again, inevitably.
My great-grandmother was TIRED of being pregnant.
So she kicked her love out of the house, and he went. He lived in his workshop, on their farm, and they stopped sleeping together, in every sense of the word. My father tells me he remembers as a child his grandfather sitting outside his workshop, leaning back on his chair, and looking up at the house in which he couldn’t sleep anymore, just… sad.
They missed each other desperately from across the yard.
I listen to @adhocavenger sleep, to the sound of his breathing, a sound that’s as familiar to me as my own heartbeat, and I can’t imagine having to sleep away from him for long. To have to separate myself from my spouse or to have to completely eschew having the kind of sex they obviously enjoyed having. To not have him close enough at night that I can curl up to him and breathe in the scent of his skin.
And that, I think, is the sort of thing that I think maybe I take for granted. That I know I can be secure in the knowledge that I can have sex with my spouse when I want to, and not have a baby.
The personal is political. I do not want our country to continue to slide backward on reproductive freedom. I do not want us to lose our freedom, threatened and small as it may be.
There are a thousand small tragedies that we talk about from the Olde Days. The unwanted baby of the unmarried lass, of course.
But my heart breaks tonight for the story I was told as a child, of the lovingly married couple who had to sleep apart because she was just damn tired of being pregnant.
Because she’d been pregnant for a DECADE of her life.
Thank you for sharing this. I had never considered that aspect of the birth control revolution.
My great-grandmother also had twelve children and I’ve been thinking about that a lot recently as I debate having a second. Because I have a choice. We have options. She didn’t.
This was a really beautiful story. Thank you so much for sharing it with the world.
@words-writ-in-starlight had an excellent tag “i love epic stories” which is a great laugh for any time of day. I highly suggest you check it out, and the rest of her blog too! She’s great!
Ah, you’re fantastic! And yeah, I’ve basically gotten to the point of just putting all the stories I want to be able to find again in there.
So back in the eighth grade (a good eight years ago) I thought of this scenario where the Marauders wanted to find a loophole for the ‘No students out of bed at night” rule. And I came to the conclusion that they would absolutely sit on their beds and levitate them throughout the corridors so that they were never actually technically out of bed. And it’s been eight years and I just remembered this headcanon and I still think that they absolutely would have done this.
someone please write a fic where they debate the technicalities of this with McGonagall
not to sound too millennial here but it annoys me so much when I’m at a restaurant and someone I’m with will complain about the service being slow like buddy pal it’s fine it’s not that important
April Fool’s Day is in a few days, and I just wanted to make this clear.
This blog is safe, and I can promise you no screamers, nothing emotionally abusive, no fake posts, and nothing to intentionally trigger disassociation. You are safe here.
its the service of christian worship at which bread and wine are shared
No that’s communion communism was a show on nbc about a community college
you’re thinking of community. communism is a form of birth control that goes over a penis
youre thinking of a condom. communism is the travel to a place on a daily basis to go to work
youre thinking about commute. communism is when you share/exchange ideas,information, or news with someone.
you’re thinking of communication. communism is an electronic device used from storing and processing data.
you’re thinking of a computer. communism is a form of symbiosis where one organism benefits and the other has no effect.
you’re thinking of commensalism. communism is a ceremony in which degrees or diplomas are conferred on graduating students.
youre thinking of commencement. communism is the state in which something has been finished.
You’re thinking of completion, communism is an actively deforming region when two or more tectonic plates move toward each other and collide
you’re thinking of a convergent boundary, communism is the process of burning
you’re thinking of combustion. communism is sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others
You’re thinking of compassion. Communism is a punctuation mark used mainly to separate parts of sentences
You’re thinking of a comma. Communism is a direct order.
You’re thinking of a command. Communism is when you express sympathy or pity.
You’re thinking of commiseration. Communism is when you give the different forms of a verb.
You’re thinking of conjugation. Communism is a chemical bond that involves the sharing of electron pairs between atoms.
you’re thinking of Covalent bond. Communism is a celestial object consisting of a nucleus of ice and dust and, when near the sun, a “tail” of gas and dust particles pointing away from the sun.
You’re thinking of a comet. Communism is when is when you offer someone money, goods, or services in exchange for for their work, time, loss, or expenditure.
You’re thinking of compensation. Communism is the act of making something smaller by pressing.
The thing I hate most about depression is that it tricks you into thinking you don’t have depression. It makes you think that nothing is wrong with you, that you just feel this way because you lack value as a person. Whether that’s in your relationships, your academics, or a view of yourself, it makes you think you aren’t good enough for any of that.
“It’s not the illness,” it says, “You feel this way because it’s who you are.”
psa if you ever meet me in real life I am really sorry for how much I swear like it’s really not a joke I have a mouth on me like a fuckin sailor and I can usually turn it off around adults but if you’re under thirty five I will likely throw one ‘fuck’ in for every three words that leave my mouth it’s shocking
Ah, yes. “Fucking” is an indicator that a noun is coming, and there is a 40% chance that the noun is “fuck” or “fucker,” with an option on “shit.”
i wonder what effect wide-spread/public vampirism would have on the evolution of language
like i mean obviously i havent slept properly in like two days but seriously how does it evolve without the assistance of former generations dying out. do people use the words “grisbittyng” and “yolo” in the same sentence. are there parts of big cities where its like walking into a different century like are there neighbourhoods in chicago where people literally speak old english and the teachers at the schools use old english and like the people who live two blocks away speak a creole of ge’ez and polish and like. dude i want cultural implications of vampirism that go beyond bloodbanks i want linguistics and politics and medical science and history and religion, i want hypovolemic vampires who speak akkadian in the home and are devout worshippers of inanna and have a home care nurse to help with making sure the picc line theyre getting lactated ringers solution via isnt partially occluded!!! help
ok i have no excuse for this but
i just got my drivers license renewed and can you imagine the dol dealing with ‘what is your birthdate’ ‘august 27 1662′ ‘what’
but everyone else too, all the bureaucracy’s gonna be fucked
‘bloodtype?’ ‘no preference,just fresh’
‘sir are you a senior’ ‘i was born in the fifteenth century, i should hope so’ ‘sir i’ll need to see id’
and like—how do you deal with a population that’s collecting social security while being functionally 15 or 28 or 50 what do you do about them when they don’t die what does it mean to have a group whose physical ability is unchanging, is there a vampire draft, is there a separate database for vampire SSNs because they draw social security for different reasons what is going on with that
how do term limits work, is there a mandatory down period, or are vampires bound to the same term limits as mortals and if so are there protests about this
afa social security goes i would assume in this setting it would be based on physical ability rather than necessarily age for vampires, which is very similar to what it is for humans: you can get benefits if youre 65+ OR if you physically cannot work, id assume for vampires its just the latter or else “yeah ive been on retirement for 400 years” “you’re the size of a seven-year-old” “yeah and”
hypovolemia DOES NOT count if youre a vampire, some people seem to forget that. there’s IV saline as an adtl to blood, bc quite honestly vampires are wimps and “have you ever tried to drink blood that has half a cup of salt in it?? it’s disgusting”
oh dear god IDs the big question is ofc do they show up in photographs bc if not there is a big market for photo-realistic artists in the govt and in most big companies, bc IDs with descriptions are… pretty easy to bypass, especially when you’re immortal. i’ll bet some places have fun with it, like a lot of art students’ university IDs will be ridiculously stylised, possibly like cubist or some shit.
i assume there are systems in place to keep someone from being head of state for 700 years.
murder???? how do you solve a vampire’s murder how do you identify the victim is it like “so i found this pile of ashes, and this person went missing near here recently, i guess this is our person??” does no one even bother to investigate? i feel like vamps wouldnt put up with that
……Forensic scientists specializing in ash analysis.
Would vampires have to get special, like, carbon-nitrogen profiles done? Stuff that would stay in the ashes? “We did a molecular ratio test on the ash pile and the profile matches the following individuals quite closely.”
thats FASCINATING ngl, although like i wonder how the community feels abt it, like on one hand if someone gets murdered and theres no way to identify the remains ppl are gonna get pissed, if you mandate fancy tests ppl are gonna get pissed (like how they dont want to be fingerprinted since they “arent a criminal”, u know?), its all a mess
Okay, but guys: POLITICS. I mean okay, let’s be optimistic that effectively immortal people would willingly step down from power after a number of years in office. Given how addictive power can be, it’s questionable, but like I said, optimism, because otherwise everything is basically fucked and there will never ever be social or political change whatsoever with a monarch/president still subscribing to rigid old timey values.
But still. Imagine a UN convention where a representative of one country still has visceral firsthand memories of how that dude across the room once served as a general in the war that tore his country apart. Or a Congress where former slaves and slave owners have to sit next to each other. Or a forward-thinking president trying to pass a law about gender equality when a significant segment of the population were raised in an era where women were considered property. HOW WOULD THAT EVEN WORK???
How would prison/criminal punishment work for vampires? I mean, the motivation against being in prison for humans is kind of that we have limited lifespans, so it matters if we spend twenty-five of them locked up for murder, but if you’re looking at eternity does it even matter? How do you enforce laws when the person in question is immortal and nigh-invulnerable? Do you charge a vampire with murder if they accidentally kill a donor or do you treat it as manslaughter? After all, the vampire knew they were technically risking the person’s life and (assuming that vampires have some degree of moral compass and got consent for said blood suckery) so did the donor. Are there contracts? Are there supervised donor cafes, where humans can get a hearty meal after, y’know, being a hearty meal, all under the protective watch of someone ready to save their neck if things get dangerous? What if vampires have a starvation point, where they lose cogency and are no longer considered mentally fit to make their own decisions, and kill someone in that state? Are they culpable for those crimes later, after their mind comes back to them?
Holy fuck, what about turning people? Do humans have a note on their license like you do for organ donations, indicating whether or not they can be turned into a vampire in the event of massive trauma that would otherwise prove fatal? (HOLY FUCK are there vampire paramedics who are good at treating injuries but are mostly sent to MCI’s, sent in to triage the wounded and find those who are actively dying and search them for the card or get their permission and turn them, leaving the wreckage of buses and car crashes with a clutch of frightened new vampires? Do they offer therapy to these vampire paramedics? I am concerned about these vampire paramedics now, is it considered a freakish occupation choice or the indication of the highest caliber of control and selflessness, to expose yourself to so much blood?) Is there counseling offered in cancer wards and to those with lethal illnesses, weighing the benefits and issues of immortality? Is there a minimum age, preventing infants born with minimal APGAR scores being turned? Is there a mandate that the actual potentially-turned person has to give consent, and do they have to be over the age of consent to do so, or just over the age where they can comprehend what’s happening? Is it murder if you turn someone without their consent? Could you have people testifying at their own murder trials, or would you have to invent an entirely new category of crime?
American History: Bernie Sanders is the first Jew to win a presidential primary.
Bernie Sanders would be the 1st non Christian president. That’s an important distinction that is often ignored, actually.
The amount of comments I got on this post saying “JFK was catholic tho” like…. you do understand…. Catholicism is a form of…. you know what nevermind lmao. This is why college should be free. #FeelTheBern
Hinder: a dating app that matches you with dates in progress nearby so that you can cockblock them
That would be an amazing idea for people who want to end a bad date or feel unsafe but don’t have people to call them or to hijack their date. Got an hour to kill? Ruin local dates near you! Great acting practice! Are you the old high school friend? The ex? The “SO” their cheating on? The online friend who didn’t realize you both live in the same city? Users can match with people who need interrupting phone calls, incessant texts, a full on walk in.
“Other pernicious myths around ADHD include the perception that adult women, including successful professionals, can’t have ADHD.
Just the opposite. When the structure of school and college make way for the anarchy of balancing work and maybe having children, keeping ADHD at bay becomes harder.
Littman works with, and has studied, the impact of ADHD on high-IQ men and women, many of whom spent years masking their symptoms with their high abilities. As she tries to target if ADHD is the issue, she asks whether they are “constantly in a state of being overwhelmed and frantic about coping with day-to-day basic things?” Most burst into tears. “These are the people least likely to be acknowledged and because of the shame of feeling smart, they don’t feel they are entitled to help.””—Decades of failing to recognize ADHD in girls has created a “lost generation” of women - Quartz (via brutereason)
Last night I dreamt that Channing Tatum nervously presented me with a dress he’d knitted for me. He clenched his (big, work-roughened) hands in anxious fists while I unfolded it.
“You don’t have to wear it,” he said, before I could say anything.
The dress was perfect. It was beautiful. It could turn into a skirt.
“You like it?” Channing Tatum said, smiling crookedly.
