listen: fight club and pulp fiction are good movies, i love them both personally, but if a guy (and you KNOW the type of guy i mean) says they are his Favorite Movies then u need to run. RUN. plan ur exist exit strategy now. if ur texting him then just make something up. “haha i gotta go now. it was nice talking to you. bye!” if you’re somewhere with him just leave. do parkour if you have to. run like the wind. get away from that man
Even David Fincher, who directed Fight Club, agrees with this:
“My daughter had a friend named Max. She told me ‘Fight Club’ is his favorite movie,” he said. “I told her never to talk to Max again.” (link)
i hope at least some of you don’t have swimming anime blacklisted, not because i want to inflict my anime on you, but because i know i always enjoy watching people have emotional meltdowns over things i’m not personally invested in when it’s like
[picture of a hat]
#fuck this #fuck this hat #my life is over #how could anyone post this #i’m done. i’m done. #gets into a submarine sinks to the deepest level of the ocean buries self in the marianis trench #hat fandom
“hat fandom” has become such a common term in my friend group to describe a fandom you’re not a part of but enjoying watching people be into that i forget not everyone knows about it
i am literally 100% sure that ultimately it was lily who asked james out like
james is matured and he’s like “okay you’re gonna ruin it all if you ask her out”
because they’re friends
honest to god friends
who actually talk and laugh and have meaningful conversations and honestly james doesn’t think he could handle it if he messed everything up
so he just kinda sits there in love with her
so in love
and lily’s over here like “i so do not love him”
“no really marlene we’re friends i don’t love him”
“okay yeah he smells really nice and i really love that thing he does with his hands when he’s thinking and it’s really really cute when he runs his fingers through his hair and have you seen the way his ass looks in those quidditch robes”
“but i do not love him”
and marlene’s like “you’re a fucking idiot”
and james decides that he has to at least try to move on so he starts dating amelia boot
and lily can’t figure out why it bothers her so much but she avoids them at literally all costs and she just can’t see them together and she sort of feels like she’s going to throw up and god fucking damn it she loves him
“don’t say i told you so marlene, you bitch”
“i soooo told you so”
but now james is with amelia and it’s too late and lily doesn’t know what to do
so she just kind of sucks it up and tries to hang out with him except it’s so hard because she really really wants to kiss him
(his lips look really soft)
but she can’t and it’s killing her and she kind of thinks amelia hates her?? or, at least, she sends her dirty looks from across the table
and james can’t figure out why amelia doesn’t like lily because everyone likes lily until one day amelia sits him down and asks him to stop talking to her
“you’re still in love with her, james, and you’ll only get over it if you stop talking to her”
james doesn’t think that’s physically possible
so they break up and sirius gives him a knowing look but james keeps quiet about the reason because the last thing he needs is for lily to find out that he still loves her
lily is ecstatic
“i think it’s kind of awful that you’re this happy about your friend breaking up with his girfriend”
“shut up mary”
but they’re at the three broomsticks a month later and it’s just the two of them and they’re waiting for the usual bunch and lily decides she’s going to do it
she has to because she can’t live like this for the rest of her life. she can’t let james potter slip away
“do you love me?”
and oh shit it comes out so wrong that was not what she wanted to say not at all she was going to invite him to get butterbeer later and oh god her cheeks are turning the color of her hair and she thinks she’s going to sink into the chair
james thinks he might be dying
“do i what?”
lily’s already fucked it up this much, she might as well keep going
“do you love me? because i do. love you, i mean.”
and then she stares at her hands and waits
and waits
and waits
and then she looks up because what is taking the asshole so long to reply?
he’s just grinning at her. smiling, as if she’s just told him he’s won a million galleons or signed to play with the chudley cannons
“yeah, yeah i reckon i’ve loved you this whole time”
“pay up, moony. i told you she’d be the one to confess first”
but can we consider that Rhodey does, in fact, outrank Steve Rogers?
now picture rhodey meeting steve and steve snapping a salute
that is all
and Rhodey would be totally serious about it until the second Steve walked out of the room and then he’d totally turn and look at Tony with crazy eyes and Tony would be like “JARVIS TOOK PICTURES FROM EVERY ANGLE YOU’RE WELCOME”
NASA scientists have reported that they’ve successfully tested an engine called the electromagnetic propulsion drive, or the EM Drive, in a vacuum that replicates space. The EM Drive experimental system could take humans to Mars in just 70 days without the need for rocket fuel, and it’s no exaggeration to say that this could change everything.
But before we get too excited (who are we kidding, we’re already freaking out), it’s important to note that these results haven’t been replicated or verified by peer review, so there’s a chance there’s been some kind of error. But so far, despite a thorough attempt to poke holes in the results, the engine seems to hold up.
LITERALLY one of my favorite parts of this is that it’s called an EM drive, but all the scientists who talk about it are very stubborn about calling it a warp drive. I guarantee you their lab door has a sign taped to it to that effect.
(hey tumblr please don’t delete the previous people’s comments like you did the last time i added someone’s tags to a post mmkay)
No but that’s actually so clever okay like the people who live in the castle would get a general idea of the patterns and how to move around efficiently but like for anyone planning on attacking it would be impossible to infiltrate like how the hell do I attack the headmaster when I can’t even find the bathroom why the fuck am I in a chemistry supply closet okay these stairs went to the main hall but now I’m on my way to the broom closets holy fucking shit fuck leonard SAID the dorm was on the left of the three headed hippogriff but I’m here and it’s just a painting of a man with a donkey face is this a fucikgin joke leonard do you think this is funny because it’snot. its not okay siri how the hell do i get to the nearest anything “here is: the nearest painting” like fuck you siri
actually considering all this, the changing floorplan probably worked exactly as designed when it came to the battle of hogwarts in the late 90′s. the invasion was towards the end of the term, so the students, especially the renegade students in hiding, had the full term to master getting around the school quickly, quietly, and efficiently. the invading deatheaters were generally their parents’s ages, and hadn’t been back to hogwarts in several decades, if they’d even attended at all. so, while the adult invaders easily outmatched the adolescent defenders in strength and skill, hogwarts was a lethal maze to the deatheaters, while it was home to the kids.
I’ve been thinking, if house points are mostly awarded for scholary achivements, then how come we have never seen the house full of smarts, ravenclaw ever win the house cup? by all means, they should be trouncing the others.
my theory is that ravenclaw outdoes all the other houses both in gaining, and in losing points. they rack up all the possible points for classwork, assignments AND extra school work. But they also lose a buttload in their other pursuits of knowledge: - not returning books on time - staying in the library after hours - sneaking in the restricted section - setting up secret potion labs for RESEARCH purposes - throwing things off the tower FOR RESEARCH - throwing things into the lake FOR RESEARCH - taking small field trips into the forbidden forest to get samples and take notes on the wildlife -
illegally tampering with muggle stuff FOR RESEARCH - “borrowing” school equipment and ingredients for said research - that pet kidnaping incident they never talk about that was sparked by a conversation about muggle schools “wait, you dissect frogs in class? WE SHOULD TOTALLY DO THAT TOO” - combining random spells and testing them on the student body - using said student body to test the secret potion lab’s latest creations - referring to non-ravenclaw students as test subjects in the vicinity of disapproving teachers
what I’m saying is that while the other houses may preceive ravenclaw as a group of quiet bookworms, they are actually more troublesome than the other three combined. FOR RESEARCH.
…..good thing we’re adults and no one can take house points from us anymore tbh
I honestly cannot say how many times someone has asked me my reasoning behind an action and it has been “for research” or “I wanted to know what would happen” or something similar. >_____>
Ravenclaw: the house of “Oooh, what does this button do?”
IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT THERE IS A (VERY SMALL BUT APPARENTLY EXTANT) FAN BASE ON TUMBLR FOR THE KENCYRATH CHRONICLES.
Beloved followers and non-followers alike, let me tell you a thing. The Kencyrath Chronicles are up there as my favorite books ever. Not the way I talk about loving Harry Potter–Hogwarts is my home, to coin a phase–or even the way I love everything Robin McKinley has ever touched–and I love her stuff like I love BREATHING, it’s not always at the forefront of my mind but when I go too long without it I ache, go read all of it immediately. No, no, no. This, my love for the Kencyrath Chronicles, is a WHOLE OTHER CREATURE. Just talking about these books makes my hands shake and my bones feel heavy and my blood become a tangible fizzy thing in my veins. Like, if being in love doesn’t feel this good, I’m honestly not interested.
These books are about grand sweeping battles between good and evil and how those grand ideals become petty and ugly and messy as soon as you look closely enough, and how people fight them anyway because it’s their purpose or because it’s their choice or because it’s their people they’re protecting. Magic is rampant, from the great and hated Three-Faced God of the Kencyr people and its ‘blessed’ chosen ones, the Shanir, who are hated and cherished by their own people and by themselves for how close they are to their meddling deity, to the wandering bands of rathorn (ARMORED FLESH-EATING UNICORNS, PEOPLE, HOW MUCH MORE OF A PITCH DO YOU NEED) and the migratory trees (yes, you read that correctly). The main character is wild and casually vicious and desperate to be gentle, and she is loved by people everywhere she goes but she’s never really one of them, and the running joke in-universe is that you can track her progress across the world by falling buildings and burning cities (”…the Riverlands in ruins and you in the middle of it, looking apologetic” is a personal favorite quote). The writing style fucking breathes with power and imagination and magic. I am not a tough sell on books, really I’m not, but these books. Trinity. The fact that these books are not the most popular things since Lord of the Rings fucking breaks my heart, it really does.
So like. Go read them. Immediately. The first two books, God Stalk and Dark of the Moon, are sold as an omnibus called Dark of the Gods, and please forgive their God-awful covers (why is the canonically very flat-chested lead a D-cup? Don’t know, just kind of relieved I read the older edition with the less awful cover). If you’ve read them and you liked them, please please PLEASE COME INTO MY ASK BOX AND NEVER EVER LEAVE.
(On a somewhat related note, I’ve read more books than I could care to count in my life, so if anyone ever wants a fantasy/sci-fi rec, I got you, hit me up.)
it’s kinda cool how our generation has created actual tone in the way we write online. like whether we: write properly with perfect grammar, shrthnd everythin, use capitals to emphasise The Point, use extra letters or characters for emotion!!!!!, and much more - it means we can have casual conversations, effectively make jokes using things like sarcasm that’s usually hard to understand without context and much more. this “incorrect English” has really opened avenues of online conversation that isn’t accessible with “correct English” which is pretty interesting
My class and I literally taught some of the nuances of this to our english teacher, things such as the difference between “yes” and “yes.” or “..” and “…”. It makes perfect sense linguistically that we would create this complexity to ease communication in a medium without body language and tone, but what my teacher was really floored about was that none of this had ever “learned” it, we’re “native speakers” of a whole new type of english.
I want an inverse spy flick. The spy is a woman. Her whole team is made up of diverse women. All the villains are women. There is only one man in the entire movie and he is a Strong Male Character who is like 25 and decently ripped and has a scene where he slowly steps out of a pool wearing speedos because he is Confident and In Control of His Sexuality. We see his ass when he has to tug down his pants to get at the knife strapped to his thigh. His nipples are always erect for no fucking reason.
They are undercover in a nightclub. In order to keep their cover from being blown, he has to kiss another man.
He knits to relieve stress and to keep his mind sharp. It is never discussed by any of the characters.
Someone asks him how he knows how to do Traditionally Feminine Thing. “I have four sisters,” he answers.
This is also how he knows how to fight while armed with nothing but a purse, a high heel shoe, and a can of hair spray. During this fight, he is, for no apparent reason, shirtless.
The lead spy is Helen Mirren. She nails the Action Boy in the shower. There’s a lot of lingering closeups on the way the shower spray runs across his breathlessly ecstatic face. We also hear every breathless whimper of his climax, while out in the hallway Lucy Liu is smoking impatiently, a duffel bag full of rocket launchers slung over her shoulder. The President isn’t going to kidnap herself, here, christ.
Action Boy emerges in a small towel, sheepish yet radiant. Helen Mirren emerges in a tuxedo, also smoking, also with a duffel bag of rocket launchers.
In one scene, the lead villain captures the Strong Male Character. He is, once more, inexplicably shirtless as she ties him to the chair. He makes some quips about his sexual independence before he is rescued by a sweat-drenched Helen Mirren, who kicks down the door and nukes everyone in the room. Strong Male Character’s hair remains perfect throughout the ordeal.
Strong Male Character is heartlessly slain in front of Helen Mirren’s eyes despite all of his skills and combat prowess. His body slumps to the ground, lifeless but supple. Helen Mirren makes a witty quip at Strong Male Character’s killers before quickly and dramatically slaying them all.
She steals one last glance at Strong Male Character. His beautiful eyes stare back from a handsome face with perfectly tussled hair, lips positioned a if in a gentle sigh. There’s no bringing him back now. Helen Mirren walks away, stronger than before. Strong Male Character’s death has hardened her, but given her the strength and resolve to complete her task.
Roll credits.
An after credits preview clip comes on as a teaser. Helen Mirren with a huge explosion tearing things up behind her walks toward the camera with a new Strong Male Character wearing the tiny, tattered remnants of a burned shirt about his flexing pecs and deltoids, and he is carrying the bag of rocket launchers as he steps in behind her.
So Matt Bomer?
I’m seeing Matt Bomer
and then fandom burns itself to the ground trying to find some guy to slash him with
Nah, Matt Bomer is almost 40. Despite his good looks and great bod, he’s way too old to play the shaggable romantic supporting character to 70-year-old Helen Mirren.
Matt Bomer plays Helen Mirren’s sadder-but-wiser ex, computer-savvy, gorgeous but still single, fiercely independent (but it’s all an act).
Helen Mirren shows up on his doorstep to ask him for one last hacker job, for old time’s sake. Matt hauls off to slap Helen in the face, but Helen catches his wrist, pulls him close, and kisses him long and hard. Matt struggles at first but finally melts into her embrace.
Lucy Liu strolls past them into Matt’s chic apartment, slapping Matt on the ass as she mutters “Some things never change, do they?”
Late the next night, as Matt and Helen hack into the CIA database, Helen tucks a stray lock of Matt’s hair behind his ear and asks him why there’s no husband or kids in the picture after all this time.
Matt turns his sad, beautiful eyes toward her and confesses that there has only ever been Helen for him, but he couldn’t stand never knowing if she would come back alive when she left on a mission. Helen and Matt nearly have a moment, but the computer beeps with the results of their search.
The next morning, Helen goes into the kitchen to find Matt’s 20-year-old nephew has come to stay for the weekend. Helen and the camera slowly pan up and down his gorgeous, toned, oiled-up and glistening body as he stands, nearly-naked but for his tight, black satin booty-short underwear, and starts making a gourmet vegetarian omelet.
He turns around and smiles at Helen. “You must be a friend of Uncle Matt. I’m Caden. You hungry?”
Helen’s eyes drift down to Caden’s bulging crotch. “Oh, I could eat,” she quips.
Helen Mirren and the actor who plays the 20 year old nephew get together in real life. Everyone is delighted by this.
I don’t think financing this would be a problem; distribution probably would. We could hack into the network feed for the Super Bowl, perhaps.
You know you grew up on Steve Irwin when you see a photo of a crocodile and think, “Wow. Just beautiful.”
And you see Stingrays as the devil themselves
nah man Steve would have forgiven that stingray and absolved it of its sins
He would have apologized for getting into the stingray’s space and making it afraid.
He actually did! Some of Steve Irwin’s last words were, “it wasn’t his fault. I startled him.”
He actually did forgive the stingray. He knew that he had scared it, and that it was only acting to protect itself.
If you put your ear up to a seashell you can hear the sound of mY HEART BREAKING INTO A THOUSAND LITTLE PIECES
This is why I get so mad whenever my folks have Animal Planet on lately and it’s all about WHAT ANIMALS ARE GOING TO MURDER YOU IN YOUR FACE?
EXOTIC PETS RIP OWNER TO SHREDS!
SNAKES! WILL THEY EAT YOU? (YES)
Steve Irwin (and at the time at least his contemporary follow-behind Jeff Corwin) ushered in such a pure unbridled LOVE of exotic, ferocious, terrifying animals. He respected the animals so much, he loved them.
Yes, crocs would charge and snakes would lunge, but he would respect when the animal deemed its boundaries well crossed and let it go back on its merry reptilian way.
This was the Tone for my childhood. My education of wild animals was Steve Irwin talking about how beautiful this deadly crocodile was, how majestic and chill and peaceful coexistence could be.
It was Jeff Corwin screaming and yelling at people at the discovery of a snake carcass, killed because of ignorant fear of it. It was harmless, and lost, and scared, and decapitated and he was livid. Why? Why would you do that? It was non-venomous, it didn’t want to be where it was any more than you wanted it to be where it was – why didn’t you call someone to release it?
And now it’s just… “Everything is murderous and animals will eat your face and everything is Ruthless Killing Machines”
and just.
I feel like I’m watching my own father’s work be tainted whenever AP is on. It’s so upsetting.
Yes. Thank you. This is exactly why I can’t stand some of the stuff they air now. Because yes, that shark or snake or crocodile could kill you, but so could a reasonably determined domestic cat, so could another human being, you’re so much more likely to die at the hands of a human being, and if that animal is coming after you it’s because you’re in its home or you’re hurting it or something and God I could just cry.
Every once in a while I remember that, during the last round of workshopping people’s writing in my fiction class, I got into a fight with my teacher and the rest of the class about whether or not motive mattered in writing. This one story was about this guy who was a serial killer and his girlfriend who…evidently knew he was a serial killer for months if not years and did nothing and the last scene was her murdering him with poison in his food. (There were a lot of really heavy rape-y abusive overtones and I was kind of like…sweetheart, have you considered therapy rather than exorcising your issues onto all of us.) And I made what I thought was the totally valid remark of “Well, it’s not clear what makes her snap and murder him; like, she’s known for a while, generally people don’t just suddenly DECIDE to kill their significant other who they’ve shown no violent inclinations toward in the past without some sort of prompting, and like you don’t need to get into the motive much in the story but maybe hint at it? Because murder?”
And the whole class basically sat around talking about how motive doesn’t matter and it’s fine that she just kills him for no apparent reason and how in writing it’s fine if there’s no motive because the characters do what they need to for the writer’s plot to work and I was just like “Wow, that’s right, this is why I fight with most of you about writing so much, it’s because in order for a plot to function, motives need to…like…exist.”
Like, if your character goes to get a smoothie, it matters if they’re getting it because they’ve had a bad day and smoothies are a fave, or because they’re on a health kick and they’d rather have a milkshake, or because they’re meeting someone there, or whatever. It changes the character’s backstory and behavior. Am I crazy?
i don’t understand the “women have to have a child - before its too late” rhetoric
if you’re unsure don’t do it because i realised the other day that ANY time, between now and my death, i can choose to have as many children in my life as i like. i could become a “big sister”, or a foster parent, or work with kids. or adopt kids, or about 50 other ideas i haven’t thought of. i’ve never wanted a child but if i did and i was too old to have a biological one the options are endless
literally the only choice you cant change is having one. that choice you’re stuck with for the rest of your life. whereas im free to choose to be involved with kids as much or as little as i choose. or i can stay being the “mother” of a sillybutt rescue kitty, it’s all still open and available to me and always will be
“Can I tell you a secret? You don’t have to be in a relationship.
I mean it. I know they force it down your throat until you choke on it. Girls aren’t pretty unless they’re wanted. Boys aren’t men unless they’re having sex with someone. People aren’t lovable until they’re dating someone.
But a relationship won’t always make you happy, and as wonderful as romance is, it isn’t the only love that exists. I have seen friendships that are deeper and more pure than couples who swear it’s forever - and yet the friendship is the one people ignore.
I have heard so often “nobody loves me” out of the mouths of people who are single. And it kills me because if you ask them: where are your parents, your teachers, your classmates, your pets - they say, yes, okay, but it doesn’t count. Of course it counts, love doesn’t diminish just because someone doesn’t want to have sex with you. In fact, doesn’t it sort of make that love more real that they want nothing - not even a date - out of you?
It is pretty to be in love. It’s magical, I’m sure. But it’s also wonderful to stop for ice cream in your prom dress with six other girls. It’s also wonderful to go visit the world with nothing but a bunch of buddies who are really excited about learning.
The problem is: we’ve made everything about “the one”. But maybe “the one” is just you, loving yourself, having fun, and being happy. Maybe instead of looking for our other halves, we should be piecing ourselves together.
Maybe I wasn’t born unfinished. Maybe I am the one who makes myself better.”—Single serving size // r.i.d (via inkskinned)
apparently you can’t be employed by the CIA if you’ve ever illegally downloaded music
breaking news: in 20 years, the CIA will operate out of the president’s basement, staffed by four old men and six guinea pigs
Okay so what this really means is that in 20 years the CIA will be staffed only with people who were incredibly paranoid and went to great pains to hide their music downloading activities from surveillance.
…which sounds exactly like the sort of person you want working as a spy so.
In 20 years the CIA will be staffed only with people who have implicitly or explicitly lied to the CIA.
Hey transmasculine and gender-variant folx! If you wear a chest binder, I made an Android app that you can use! It reminds you to take off your binder at the end of the day and also to stretch out your back during the day. You can find it in the Google Play store here.
If you’re having issues with it, or have any feedback for me, I’d love if you could email me at binder.reminder.team@gmail.com. And if you like it, feel free to rate and review it!
the thing that bothers me is that disney and marvel seem to still be under the impression that the only way to get a female audience in the seats for their action films is to add a romance
and this is extremely upsetting
why cant i as a woman like a movie thats built on drama and political tensions?
why cant i as a woman like a movie that has cheeky humor?
why cant i as a woman like a movie where people punch each other and there are huge battle sequences?
why is it that because i am a woman these major studios feel that i will only watch their movies if i see two straight people kiss
but can we consider that Rhodey does, in fact, outrank Steve Rogers?
now picture rhodey meeting steve and steve snapping a salute
that is all
and Rhodey would be totally serious about it until the second Steve walked out of the room and then he’d totally turn and look at Tony with crazy eyes and Tony would be like “JARVIS TOOK PICTURES FROM EVERY ANGLE YOU’RE WELCOME”
@ the people who followed me for one specific thing i’m really sorry my interests are all over the place and that sometimes i will suddenly start posting a fuck ton of something i’ve never mentioned before whoops
like the stress, the pressure and everything ya know. everyone keeps saying like ‘school makes me cry’ and stuff but has it really made you cry bc i cried a lot of times tbh
Headcannon that all demigod children of Poseidon have amazing singing voices because they are related to the sirens.
Except for Percy
No, Especially Percy.
So like pretty much no one hears Percy sing and one day he’s just like “hey what’s the name of this song” and he sings a little verse and everyone just sorta stops and looks at him because they were weirdly compelled to drop everything they were doing and just go over to listen to him and he’s just looking back at them like what??
