Rise Up, Oh Heart, For There is Another Battle to Win

bi-privilege:

bi-privilege:

bisexual girls are great pass it on

in honor of pride month i’m going to bring back this super controversial post!

bi girls are still great pass it on!

giraffepoliceforce:

“Are you really going to vote for Clinton just because she isn’t Trump?”

Yes? I would literally elect Chef Boyardee because he isn’t Trump.

mttyshealy:

LETS PLAY THE “TYPE THESE WORDS IN YOUR TAG BOX AND POST THE FIRST AUTOMATIC TAG THAT COMES UP” GAME:  

• fuck
• shit
• dick
• no
• hell
• sex
• damn

flatbear:

leupagus:

kinohole:

brainyisalwayssexy:

Today is more or less the day that the Democratic nominee is decided.

 It is in, in fact, very decisively going to be Hillary Rodham Clinton. 

I can already feel the outrage that is about to pour out on this site: the conspiracy theories, the bungled attempts at “math” (which, btw, are almost always inaccurate or wrong), the ugly, sexist memes of HRC that we can all laugh at because hey, if it’s HRC, who gives a fuck?

But before you angrily typesmash into your keyboard about how the establishment is rigged and how the DNC better abide by the “will of the people” and hand the nom to Sanders on a silver platter, I’d like to ask you to take a deep breath and step back for a moment.

First, you need to accept that the fact that Sanders has come so far is a big fucking DEAL. Last year, he was an unknown. This year, he proved to be an excellent challenge to the Democratic establishment, and he’s already inspired dozens of copycats around the country to challenge establishment corruption. It’s a GREAT thing.

But let’s not pretend that he was/is a perfect candidate. I’d actually argue that him and HRC are probably no more and no less “corrupt” or “twisted” than the other. This was especially true in the last few weeks of the campaign, where he got especially ugly and weird, whether it was racking up no less than 639 pages of FEC violations (the irony) to not denouncing the violence and personal death threats sent to super delegates (how hard is it to JUST say “that’s not OK!”? i mean really)  to falsely accusing HRC of FEC violations (spoiler: she has none). Honestly, if Tumblr had bothered to vet Sanders even a quarter as much as they did HRC, he would not be this site’s favorite grandpa.

But that’s all counterproductive now. So as tempting as it is, I’m gonna let it go.

Now I’m gonna say something controversial:

HILLARY CLINTON? SHE’S NOT A TERRIBLE PERSON.

There. I said it. What a shocker.

People go on and on about how Sanders got the millennial vote (and handily, at that), but what they always leave out is that HRC got literally EVERY OTHER demographic. Why?

No really, why?

Simple: she LISTENS to them. And then she translates what she’s heard into policy.

Her job isn’t to preach at the bully pulpit. She listens. There’s a reason why she doesn’t hold rallies of thousands, but has garnered the vote of top people at practically every demographic or movement , whether it was the mothers of the movement (incl travyon martin and sandra bland’s mother), the fuckING human rights campaign, planned parenthood, literally every minority vote EVER, and others. 

And she turned those inputs into real policy. No for real. Go read her policy statements. They are the most well-researched, detailed, boring things ever. They are GREAT. Her inner policy nerd probs came out because her plans are the most well researched of any candidate possibly ever, and will also put you right to sleep because of how disgustingly long and well written they are.

Now ppl are gonna say “oh she panders” or whatever but yA KNOW WHAT?!? 

She also fucking follows through. For real.

Let’s take a famous example: HRC was against gay marriage until like 2013!1!1

(so was Obama, but i mean whatever right? he’s a guy so we cut him slack)

Great. What a bitch.

Except… not.

Because once she came out in favor of gay marriage, SHE WENT ALL THE FUCKING WAY. She worked to EXPAND LGBT rights at the state department , and gave a historic speech at the Geneva Convention that “Gay rights are human rights and human rights are gay rights” , a move so fucking controversial and terrifying that it literally made anti-LGBT countries nervous.

 HER FUCKING CAMPAIGN MANAGER, ROBBY MOOK, IS AN OPENLY GAY MAN. (and quite a hottie <3)

 Also, she is the ONLY presidential candidate to have walked in a lgbt pride parade, EVER. (this pic is circa like 2002)

How’s that #throwbackthursday for ya?

My point is: she’s not right on the issues 100% of the time (wow she’s human?!? no wAY) BUT she will fight for the issues and get shit done.

So my plea is this: 

 Look for the good in HRC. 

She’s a thoughtful person and a listener – those who know her have said that the former is in fact her best trait. Think she’s too center or right on your fave issues? FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT. Let her campaign know. 

I’m not asking anyone to tattoo HRC on their chest or start phonebanking for her tomorrow or anything like that. (In fact, don’t, that’s weird as shit)

Vote for Bernie in whatever primaries are left and do not feel the need to suddenly become a living breathing campaigner .

This has been a tough, tough election and I get that it will be very hard to get over the negative image you have of HRC, but I trust that people are smart enough to get it done. So do it, I beg of you. 

And finally, like every pretentious ass post on this website ends…

REBLOG. SPREAD THIS SHIT LIKE WILDFIRE.

thx

There’s also the story Andrea Mitchell told tonight on MSNBC - about Hillary during her tenure as First Lady, traveling to China to give a speech about women’s rights, despite the resistance from the State Department. She hid the speech from them during the trip overseas, refusing to allow it to be vetted. There are dozens upon dozens of stories like that, before, during and after when she was last in the White House.

A lot of people either don’t remember or weren’t alive to know just how galvanizing, how much of a force Hillary was when Bill Clinton took office, and how unprecedented it was (outside of a few powerful examples, such as Eleanor Roosevelt) for a First Lady to be quite so strident and purposeful in matters of state - how much of a shock to the system it was to Washington. Hillary has always been controversial and a firebrand in her own way; she has always been despised by the GOP, which has thrown everything they have at her for almost 25 years but never taken her down. She has been tested, burnt, bowed but never broken. She’s been fighting for the issues she believes in since before she was Hillary Clinton. And she never stops working.

#listen. it’s true.#hillary clinton#ALSO#this is much less important and much more anecdotal but whatever it’s my Blog#i have known & heard HORRIFIC stories from people who worked for many many politicians at many many levels of government#and i have too!#and of all the ppl i ever heard stories about: hillary was hands-down the best boss and manager.#she was tough and competent and compassionate. she made a point of people not being in the office for more than 12 hours a day#except under rly extreme circumstances#which in DC is like UNHEARD OF but the fact is unless there’s a literal crisis going on#NOBODY NEEDS YOUR SLEEP-DEPRIVED CRAZY ASS IN THERE FOR 24 HOURS. YOU ARE NOT GIVING IT YOUR BEST#and hillary wants the best people. giving it their best. under the best possible conditions.#she doesn’t want you to LOOK like you’re giving it your best: she wants you to be CAPABLE OF giving it your best#and have the TOOLS TO DO SO#and isn’t that a great trait to have for the boss and manager of America?#also my friend who worked for her @ State tells a delightful story about her team getting called in to deal w/ some crisis at like 3am#and HRC shows up in a lavender sweatsuit#with her hair in a sticky-up Cindy Lou Who ponytail#and a watch for some reason on a shoelace around her neck#and is like “let’s do this”#so enjoy that visual. you’re welcome. (via sashayed)

If this isn’t enough to sway you, then please just consider this: a vote for Hillary is a vote against Trump. If that’s all it is for you, it’s still enough. Myself and so many others are genuinely afraid for our safety under a Trump administration. My overseas family is already asking if it’s time for me to leave America. This election has already affected how the world sees us, it has already hurt people.

A vote for HRC is a vote against Trump. That should be enough.

julian2006:

me when feeling suspiciously relaxed: what responsibility have i forgotten

notyourmamita:

No boobs? Damn. Grow some. Boobs? Cover yourself. You’re so vulgar. No ass? Everyone will laugh at you for it. Ass? Well, better cover yourself cause you don’t wanna draw attention to that booty, right? Short? You need to wear those heels. Tall? Damn. You cannot be taller than men. Also, never wear heels. Skinny? Gotta gain weigh cause no one likes bones. Chubby? Eat healthy!!!! Nobody likes fat bitches. You like makeup? Hell no. Taking you swimming on the first date. No makeup? Please, take care of yourself. Don’t be so lazy.

We, women, are constantly shamed for everything so we, as well, might do whatever we want.

hanorganaas:

brainyisalwayssexy:

Today is more or less the day that the Democratic nominee is decided.

 It is in, in fact, very decisively going to be Hillary Rodham Clinton. 

I can already feel the outrage that is about to pour out on this site: the conspiracy theories, the bungled attempts at “math” (which, btw, are almost always inaccurate or wrong), the ugly, sexist memes of HRC that we can all laugh at because hey, if it’s HRC, who gives a fuck?

But before you angrily typesmash into your keyboard about how the establishment is rigged and how the DNC better abide by the “will of the people” and hand the nom to Sanders on a silver platter, I’d like to ask you to take a deep breath and step back for a moment.

First, you need to accept that the fact that Sanders has come so far is a big fucking DEAL. Last year, he was an unknown. This year, he proved to be an excellent challenge to the Democratic establishment, and he’s already inspired dozens of copycats around the country to challenge establishment corruption. It’s a GREAT thing.

But let’s not pretend that he was/is a perfect candidate. I’d actually argue that him and HRC are probably no more and no less “corrupt” or “twisted” than the other. This was especially true in the last few weeks of the campaign, where he got especially ugly and weird, whether it was racking up no less than 639 pages of FEC violations (the irony) to not denouncing the violence and personal death threats sent to super delegates (how hard is it to JUST say “that’s not OK!”? i mean really)  to falsely accusing HRC of FEC violations (spoiler: she has none). Honestly, if Tumblr had bothered to vet Sanders even a quarter as much as they did HRC, he would not be this site’s favorite grandpa.

But that’s all counterproductive now. So as tempting as it is, I’m gonna let it go.

Now I’m gonna say something controversial:

HILLARY CLINTON? SHE’S NOT A TERRIBLE PERSON.

There. I said it. What a shocker.

People go on and on about how Sanders got the millennial vote (and handily, at that), but what they always leave out is that HRC got literally EVERY OTHER demographic. Why?

No really, why?

Simple: she LISTENS to them. And then she translates what she’s heard into policy.

Her job isn’t to preach at the bully pulpit. She listens. There’s a reason why she doesn’t hold rallies of thousands, but has garnered the vote of top people at practically every demographic or movement , whether it was the mothers of the movement (incl travyon martin and sandra bland’s mother), the fuckING human rights campaign, planned parenthood, literally every minority vote EVER, and others. 

And she turned those inputs into real policy. No for real. Go read her policy statements. They are the most well-researched, detailed, boring things ever. They are GREAT. Her inner policy nerd probs came out because her plans are the most well researched of any candidate possibly ever, and will also put you right to sleep because of how disgustingly long and well written they are.

Now ppl are gonna say “oh she panders” or whatever but yA KNOW WHAT?!? 

She also fucking follows through. For real.

Let’s take a famous example: HRC was against gay marriage until like 2013!1!1

(so was Obama, but i mean whatever right? he’s a guy so we cut him slack)

Great. What a bitch.

Except… not.

Because once she came out in favor of gay marriage, SHE WENT ALL THE FUCKING WAY. She worked to EXPAND LGBT rights at the state department , and gave a historic speech at the Geneva Convention that “Gay rights are human rights and human rights are gay rights” , a move so fucking controversial and terrifying that it literally made anti-LGBT countries nervous.

 HER FUCKING CAMPAIGN MANAGER, ROBBY MOOK, IS AN OPENLY GAY MAN. (and quite a hottie <3)

 Also, she is the ONLY presidential candidate to have walked in a lgbt pride parade, EVER. (this pic is circa like 2002)

How’s that #throwbackthursday for ya?

My point is: she’s not right on the issues 100% of the time (wow she’s human?!? no wAY) BUT she will fight for the issues and get shit done.

So my plea is this: 

 Look for the good in HRC. 

She’s a thoughtful person and a listener – those who know her have said that the former is in fact her best trait. Think she’s too center or right on your fave issues? FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT. Let her campaign know. 

I’m not asking anyone to tattoo HRC on their chest or start phonebanking for her tomorrow or anything like that. (In fact, don’t, that’s weird as shit)

Vote for Bernie in whatever primaries are left and do not feel the need to suddenly become a living breathing campaigner .

This has been a tough, tough election and I get that it will be very hard to get over the negative image you have of HRC, but I trust that people are smart enough to get it done. So do it, I beg of you. 

And finally, like every pretentious ass post on this website ends…

REBLOG. SPREAD THIS SHIT LIKE WILDFIRE.

thx

Remember its her or Trump….and I expect no one on this site would want a racist dick running this country/

amusingmurff:

nightcrawllcr:

are you an x-men or avengers marvel person? daredevil or spider-man? comics or movies?

avengerwiththearrows:

don’t you love that Clint Barton, the guy with zero powers, has taken Wanda Maximoff, the most powerful superhero ever, as his adopted daughter. 

Yes.

Yes, actually, I do.

bisexual-books:

lierdumoa:

Okay you know what I want for the Deadpool sequel, even more than Wade getting a boyfriend?

Wade getting an ex-boyfriend. 

Somebody with whom Wade has History with a Captial H. The boyfriend he dated on and off for four years, who then vanished with no explanation. Maybe he left for Wade’s protection, but Wade doesn’t know that and thinks he was just a fucking asshole.

Vanessa knows about this guy. Not any real details, just that they were serious before he broke Wade’s heart. Vanessa doesn’t know the ex-boyfriend’s real name because Wade only refers to him via expletives, so she mentally refers to him as The Touchy Subject.

The ex-boyfriend’s name should probably be Logan, since there are already so many references within the movie canon (and Wolverine is bi in the comics) but I’m not picky.

.

See, now here’s what I don’t want.

I don’t want the franchise saying, “Well Wade was joking before with the gay stuff. But now it’s different. He’s journeyed down a path of self discovery and come out the other side open to new sexual horizons.”

I don’t want a ~coming out~ story. 

I want a 8===D~~~Wade has obviously been out this whole entire time weren’t you paying attention?!~~~Ⴇ===8 story.

.

I mean think about it.

With a movie franchise this big, it could be a gamechanger. 

If Deadpool does it, other franchises will no longer be able to justify not doing it.

If the Deadpool tells audiences once and for all, definitively, “We were never joking, and we don’t understand why you would even assume we were joking, unless you were some kind of homophobic asshole who thinks being pansexual is a joke” than every single popular queerbait fuckboy id fantasy franchise is gonna have to fucking put up or shut up.

Gotta admit, this sounds REALLY appealing.  

ailleee:

disabilityhealth:

If the zombie apocalypse happens I’m going to have to hit up a pharmacy first thing

THIS.

Honestly you’d probably live longest?  Like, raid the pharmacy for EVERYTHING they have, and on your way out ransack the shelves for like bandaids and rubbing alcohol and toilet paper and shit, and whatever you don’t personally need, trade for food and bodyguards.  You would be the overlord.  Go forth and rule the post-zombies world.

ftmatty:

Foods that lower estrogen:
•broccoli
•cauliflower
•cabbage
•Brussels sprouts
•kale
•collard greens
•turnips
•red grapes
•mushrooms
•seeds
•whole grains
•green tea

Foods that boost testosterone:
•Oysters
•Broccoli
•Garlic
•Bananas
•Brazil nuts
•Eggs

gravityffalls:

Like…the reach people are making against Hilary like holy shit ya’ll

Any vote not for her will be for Trump, I’m sorry but that is how politics WORK. We have a two party system and this isn’t going to magically change. Plus you are literally splitting the party apart which is even worse for going against Trump. 

Trump is dangerous. We can’t let him have a chance at office. Stop sulking and realize how dangerous this is holy shit. 

I don’t like Hilary, can’t stand her on some prospects, but the idea of Trump winning literally terrifies me so. 

racethewind10:

sometimes i think about how much of our mass media portrays romantic relationships as grossly unhealthy (this is like, double true for married couples on TV) because apparently the only way to write ~drama into a relationship is to have them be assholes to each other and I just get so mad like, listen, do you know how many frickin fanfic writers can stretch mutual pining and self-sacrifice and putting the other person first and small acts of caring and utterly destroy their readers and keep us hooked for 100k? but the people getting paid for this shit think that petty insults and infidelity and fighting and one person treating the other like shit is what’s going to keep us interested? 

fuck that 

linspirationmanuelmiranda:

okay, so, this isn’t a Hamilton lockscreen, but my friend asked for summaries of the tracks on Hamilton and I did them for her as Friends episode titles. she liked them and I guess I decided to share them with y'all? *laughs nervously*

1. alexander hamilton: the one with alexander hamilton’s tragic backstory

2. aaron burr, sir: the one where burr literally wants alex to shut the hell up

3. my shot: the one where alex shows off his lit squad

4.  the story of tonight: the one where said lit squad sings about dying in the revolution

5. the schuyler sisters: the one where angelica shows aaron who’s boss

6. farmer refuted: the one where alex can’t take samuel’s bullshit any longer

7. you’ll be back: the one where king george laments the destruction of a lot of tea

8. right hand man: the one where george washington gives not one single crap about aaron

9. a winter’s ball:  the one where the guys totally have game

10. helpless: the one where eliza falls in love with alexander

11. satisfied: the one where angelica regrets everything

12. the story of tonight (reprise): the one where alex’s lit squad misses out on some juicy aaron gossip

13. wait for it: the one with aaron’s tragic backstory

14. stay alive: the one where congress doesn’t do a thing and george appoints everyone general. except alex.

15. ten duel commandments: the one where john takes on lee in a duel and wins

16. meet me inside: the one where alex gets in deep shit

17. that would be enough: the one where eliza asks alex to stay

18. guns and ships: the one with lafayette’s very fast rap

19. history has its eyes on you: one time george screwed up big time and learned something

20. yorktown (the world turned upside down): the one where hercules mulligan is a bamf and they win the war

21. what comes next?: the one where they’re free from britain’s power. awesome. wow.

22. dear theodosia: the one where aaron and alex go on about how great their kids are

23. non-stop:  the one where alex is unstoppable and there’s a really good medley of act 1 songs

24. what’d I miss:  the one where thomas has zero idea what’s going on

25. cabinet battle #1: the one where alex pwns thomas’ smarmy ass in a rap battle

26. take a break: the one where alex refuses to go on vacation with eliza and angelica even after philip’s dope rap

27. say no to this: the one where alex is a complete idiot

28. the room where it happens: the one where aaron is 100000% jealous about not being included in anything fun

29. schuyler defeated: the one where aaron switches parties so he can actually do something

30. cabinet battle #2: the one where alex realizes that thomas and Lafayette look hella similar

31. washington on your side: the one where aaron, james and thomas are jealous that george only likes alex

32. one last time: the one where george is hella done with everything so george OUT. *mic drop*

33. I know him: the one where king george reveals that he loves the hunger games

34. the adams administration: SIT DOWN JOHN YOU FAT MOTHERF****R

35. we know: the one where alex is accused of doing something horrible and confesses to some other horrible thing to deny doing the first horrible thing

36. hurricane: the one where alex comes up with a stupid idea

37. the reynolds pamphlet: the one with said stupid idea

38. burn: the one where eliza is hella done

39. blow us all away: the one where Philip does something and alex is like ‘ok son here have some guns go to your duel (death)’

40. stay alive (reprise):  the one where everyone learns how to count in French in the most heartbreaking way possible. emotional suicide. 

41. it’s quiet uptown: the one where alex is horribly sad and wants eliza to forgive him. also emotional suicide.

42. the election of 1800: the one where alex comes out of his bubble of sadness to snub aaron one last time

43. your obedient servant: the one where alex and aaron throw a whole lot of passive aggressiveness around

44. best of wives and best of women: the one where alex literally hasn’t learned anything about duels and listening to eliza

45. the world was wide enough: the one where aaron realizes that he’s made a horrible mistake.

46. who lives, who dies, who tells your story: the one where it is revealed that eliza is the actual hero of the story

just-shower-thoughts:

Contractions function almost identically to the full two-word phrase, but are only appropriate in some places in a sentence. It’s one of the weird quirks of this language we’ve.

screechthemighty:

just-a-storyteller:

@battlenuggalope

I KNOW, RIGHT

Like “Mad Max” is essentially just a catchy franchise title, and the movies follow him because he’s a recognizable starting point. He literally tries to quit his job in the first movie. He never wants to be the protagonist. Leave him alone.

“He literally tries to quit his job in the first movie” as someone who has seen every Mad Max movie more than once, I can confirm this is true. Movie one is him realizing being the main character sucks, and every movie after that is him just being like “I don’t want to be here I don’t want to be here CAN I PLEASE LEAVE NOW.”

Which, tbh, makes him the most relatable male action movie protagonist ever.

All of Fury Road is Max basically going “I UNDERSTAND that shit is bad but I would like to LEAVE okay, like, shit, you can leave with me–ah, fuck, no, now they’re shooting at me, I JUST WANT TO GO.  All right FINE I’ll do something productive and THEN I AM LEAVING.”

shadowmaat:

tora42:

brak666:

FN-2187 walked into a detention cell and removed a high level prisoner by saying, “Kylo Ren sent me” and none of the guards even thought to call and verify it. He then marched that prisoner through the corridors of a Star Destroyer and into a fighter bay passed a gaggle of officers and no one batted an eye.

But go on and tell me how Finn was just a janitor.

oh but now i’ve been thinking about this!

ok 1.) finn in before the awakening is literally at the top of his class, like phasma’s only beef with this dude is that he’s got too much empathy but other than that he’s a+ officer material in logistics, combat training, marksmanship, leadership, the whole shebang. so he’s probably trusted to know his shit and do his job. so if fn-2187 says ren wants the prisoner, then ren wants the prisoner. that makes perfect sense.

now the hangar tho, here me out: finn using the force. unconsciously, but we know jedi can pass unseen when they want/need to, and he’s so desperate to not get caught he’s probably thinking okay stay calm stay calm nothing to see here just a trooper trasnporting a prisoner nothing unusual here and it WORKS.

roachpatrol:

alvangs:

can we stop saying that georgia o’keefe painted “vagina flowers” she literally hated them being called that and spent decades trying to explain that they weren’t meant to be sexual 

the idea that her paintings were representations of female genitalia was started in the 1920s, and it was an idea first presented by male art critics. she spent most of her career trying to disprove these ideas. they’re outdated, boring, and frankly, sexist. so can we stop acting like it’s edgy or somehow feminist, cause it’s not. male artists get to have their art seen through multifaceted lenses but female artists are often reduced to things like this. 

wow i’m angry about this! every art history teacher i’ve ever had, even the women, talked about the ‘sensuality’ of her vagina flowers and straight up said that was like the point of them

saysaraelle:

Alright, so let’s talk about Sam Wilson for a minute. Just about Sam. Not Sam in terms of his relationship with Bucky; not Sam in terms of his relationship with Steve. Let’s talk about how Sam was vocally arguing against the Accords before Steve even opened his mouth to weigh in. Let’s talk about how Sam made his own decision based on his own experiences and beliefs. Let’s talk about how Sam was consistently committed to doing the right thing regardless of the cost to himself personally. Let’s talk about how Sam was the one who suggested that Team Cap give themselves up to ensure that Steve could find and stop Zemo. Let’s talk about how Sam made as much of an effort to save Rhodey as Tony did. Let’s talk about how Sam was the only person in the Raft to not give Tony any shit but instead asked him how Rhodey was doing. Let’s talk about how Sam understood that Team Iron Man had convictions of equal strength to his own and that while he didn’t agree, he did empathize with them.

Let’s just talk about how fucking awesome Sam Wilson is.

velmakinkley:

velmakinkley:

velmakinkley:

what originally started out as a safety plan for a friend, i’m gonna extend it to everyone else.

claim @imbloggingmyself as yours if u got a nosy parent (or anyone else). it’s 100% clean. no foul language, controversial issues, and is sfw in every way

its content is pretty general to suit most people’s interests even to slight degree: puns, (clean) funny stuff, animals, nature, cities, all that

plus it’s a cool inside joke because the header image is the Windows background and only 1 person has commented on this

id also like to add i set up a queue so it posts at random times every day so it doesn’t necessarily stick to one time zone/schedule

I also try to keep content unisex (so not a bunch of pink and flowers in case guys need this to be somewhat believable too)

sleeping-ranna:

Man history majors are so great because they know all this stuff but they have The One Subject and once you find out what a given history buff’s Subject is you will never be bored again because they will tell you all about it with the enthusiasm of a child on Christmas morning

This is also more widely applicable.

For example: my roommate is a linguistics major.  Her One True Subject is conlangs, and she can (and has) talked for multiple hours without slowing down.  She’s gonna make a language and we’re going to run around yelling at each other in it, it’ll be fun.

infectedscrew:

I hate when comicbook fans gate-keep by running you through a fact-check quiz. Even if you’ve ready every comic you’re going to be wrong. Why? Because comics can’t even keep their shit together. Bruce’s parents were either killed outside of Mask of Zorro or an opera, their killer is either unknown or Joe Chill, he started as Batman at either 21, 26, 28 or 32. Barry has died six separate times and during several of his absences both Bart and Wally have been the Flash at the same time. Steve has given up Captain America due to anything from a minor cold, dying, wanting to retire and straight up disappearing. God forbid you ask how Tony got his heart.

The only thing we know for certain is that Uncle Ben died and it is always, always, always Superman’s fault that Lex no longer has hair

awkwardnarturtle:

robbie-thedisneybear:

nedark:

dowhatmamasays:

youronlyhopeishere:

the-original-space-prince:

candycanebuckybarnes:

peterquilltingcircle:

anh62950:

coffeeandpunkmusic:

miss-elsaba:

hey-look-a-hufflepuff:

les-etoiles-de-la-boxe:

pancakereport:

cinder-ember:

sammywhatammy:

redheadeddisneyfreak:

sheriffwxy:

totalspiffage:

soulpunchftw:

agatharights:

musicofthestage:

crutchiee:

tbbackus:

lucasbieneke:

Apparently my director went to see a production of West Side Story a few years ago, and the guy playing Chino forgot his gun before coming out for his final scene. Once it got to the big scene where he is supposed to shoot Tony, he screeched “Poison Boots” and kicked the actor playing Tony until he went down. The girl playing Maria then had to jerk the shoe off of Chino’s foot, and had to do the gunshot scene asking “How many kicks Chino? How many kicks, and one kick left for me”. 

There should be a blog dedicated to theatrical urban legends. Like that opening weekend of Dracula where Dracula (still hungover) vomited all over the audience during the first stage direction that everyone has a friend of a friend that worked on the show and was there.

or the one where the bridge never came out for Javert’s suicide and so he just pretended to stab himself and then lay there until the lights went out

best story i heard was when a friend of mine saw a show where juliet forgot to bring the dagger out on stage so she just ripped the squib out of her chest and blood squirted everywhere

During a passion play a friend of my brother was supposedly in, one of the roman soldiers who was supposed to stab jesus on the cross and accidentally grabbed the wrong spear- he was supposed to grab one with a fake tip, but instead he grabbed one with an actual metal tip and, well

Jesus screamed “JESUS CHRIST YOU STABBED ME”.

Since that Jesus had to be taken down due to a bad case of stab-itis, the backup Jesus came in, but he weighed significantly less than the original Jesus- which would have been fine, except that at the end the cross was supposed to ascend upwards with Jesus on it, and the weights hadn’t been adjusted.

So Jesus, instead, ROCKETED UP into heaven (or, just, above the stage).

This is wild from start to finish

I was in Peter Pan once and one night at a performance, the adhesive holding our Hook’s mustache on was wearing off. It was near the end with a big fight scene and when he got attacked, he let his mustache fall and went “YOU RIPPED MY MUSTACHE OFF!” in a scandalized tone and it added a new note of hilarity to the whole scene (which was supposed to be funny anyway)

In my seventh grade play, which was a midsummer night’s dream, Thisbe didn’t have a sword so she stabbed herself with a coathanger

My junior year we were doing Romeo and Juliet and after Juliet poisons herself it was supposed to go dark and she’d get off the stage. well the light crew accidentally turned them back on and Juliet who was sitting up slammed back down on the wooden bed with a loud bang. To which my theater teacher says into the com “zombie Juliet” and everyone who heard that had to keep as quiet as possible while our eyes were filling with tears.

i attended my county’s performing arts high school majoring in vocal studies, (mostly geared towards musical theater and opera styles) and once a year we got a field trip to new york (we were in jersey, so it’s not exactly far). we would do one touristy thing, an actor’s workshop with friends of our teachers working in various performing industries in nyc, and then see a show. 

my first year doing this, our industry contacts were 1 actor, 1 casting director, and 1 producer to get different aspects of the business, and they all gave us amazing advice and told fantastic stories. the actor in question was Zazu on Broadway’s The Lion King for several years, and told the best story by far.

in The Lion King, there are only two pieces of pre-recorded noise in the whole show. one, when Pumbaa does a MASSIVE fart while fighting the hyenas, and the other being Mufasa saying REMEMBERRRRRR as Simba climbs Pride Rock. the actor told us while struggling not to laugh that, during one night’s performance, someone forgot to flip the tape of these pre-recorded noises.

so, at the end of the show, the great climax where Simba finally accepts his place in the Circle of Life, the heavens parted and-

PFFFFFFFFFRRRRRBTFTBTBFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

everyone froze. and then all ran off stage positively HOWLING with laughter.

the lesson: sometimes there are fuck ups you just can’t recover from.

During a high school production of Beauty and the Beast, where I was assistant costumer and assistant prop master, our director decided that we needed to spice up Gaston’s introduction. You know: in the movie, when Lefou runs in trying to catch the duck/goose that Gaston has just shot out of the sky?

Originally, the actors were going to stroll on stage with our Lefou hauling in the really neat (and real!) taxidermied deer head that we had found in a local thrift store. Now, two days before opening night, our director wants Lefou to run in from off stage and catch a stuffed duck that Gaston has just shot. This, of course, requires two things to work properly as a scene: a gunshot noise, and a stuffed duck.

The gunshot noise, we had covered. Blue-collar, redneck school? Guns a plenty to record. The stuffed duck? Harder than you might have thought to obtain.

Three hunting stores, two taxidermists, and one Pet Supply Store ™, I’d finally found a semi-realistic pheasant squeaky toy. What follows is an account of the ways this dog toy managed to be the nightmare prop of the six show run.

Opening Night: The stagehand, who was supposed to drop the bird from the ceiling catwalk, missed his cue and didn’t drop the it. Lefou’s actor rolls with it and does an excellent job of looking around foolishly before getting cuffed upside the head by Gaston. The stagehand then drops the bird squarely on Gaston’s head. Cue laughter.

Saturday Matinee: Different stagehand throws the bird instead of dropping it and beans Lefou directly in the face with the prop. Lefou falls over. Cue laughter.

Saturday Night: Bird is missing during curtain call. Director hauls the deer head down from it’s place on the tavern wall and tells Gaston and Lefou to revert to the old blocking i.e. no gunshot, no bird, just walk in with trophy. During Gaston and Lefou’s conversation, gun shot sound goes off and a stagehand throws the bird onto the stage…from the wrong side of the stage. Lefou and Gaston stare at it in awkward silence for a solid thirty seconds before Lefou makes off-script, subtle joke about Gaston’s gun going off late instead of early. Cue adults in the audience laughing.

Sunday Matinee: Director begs the stagehands to get the cue right at least once. Gunshot and bird prop go off without a hitch. Lefou accidentally catches the prop when it falls from the catwalk. He’s so startled that he caught it that Gaston runs right in to him. They drop both the gun and the bird props, and grab the wrong prop in their scramble. Gaston spends the rest of the scene gesturing dramatically with a stuffed pheasant, instead of a gun.

Sunday Night:  Director is fed up with bird prop, decides that Lefou should just carry bird prop in after gunshot happens off stage. Lefou accidentally squeezes the prop during the intro conversation, startling both actors into silence with the squeaky toy noise - apparently, neither of them realized it was a dog toy.

Monday Elementary School Show: Lefou walks on stage with the bird. Accidentally drops the prop during conversation with Gaston. Gaston doesn’t notice the dropped prop and steps on it. Cue depressingly sad squeaky toy noise. Cue ten years olds laughing.

In a dress rehearsal for Peter Pan, Wendy forgot one of her lines and started singing the star spangled banner and the audience was singing along and people got emotional

Once during the closing night of our high school production of south pacific, we were havin our pre-show pep talk, and our director reminded everyone (mostly seniors) not to go off script to try to be funny. Of course we had one lead who decided to ignore this advice. So during one scene where the sailors were “fishing” at the edge of the stage, he decides to pull up his rubber fish, make a comment about how it wasn’t big enough, and throw it back into the “ocean”, which of course, was the audience. Now, this probably wouldn’t have been too much of a problem if he had gently tossed it, since it would have landed right behind the pit. But naturalt, he decided that this fish had to break free in the most dramatic way possible, so he winds up and chucks this fucking foot-long rubber fish with all of his strength. So now imagine the stage crew, all of us huddled together, silently screaming as this limp fish goes sailing over the heads of the audience in what looks like a low-budget reenactment of free willy, only to slap some poor parent across the face. I swear, you could almost hear the chorus of “mmmm whatcha saaayyy” rising from all those backstage. From that moment on, all rubber fish were ferociously guarded by yours truly, under the direction of our stage manager.

This post gets better every time it shows up on my dash

My Junior year of high school our drama club put on Peter Pan,which involved the construction of a small boat fashioned out of scrap wood,plaster and an old wagon. A few of the actors who were cast as pirates had to ride the boat-wagon down the aisle to the front of the theatre,which had a concrete floor that sloped. About halfway down the brake they were using to control their speed gave out,and they crashed into the front of the stage at high speed.The entire boat imploded. The actors just sat there in silence for at least a full 10 seconds in the midst of the wreckage before my friend Adena screamed “ABANDON SHIP” and they all jumped out and took off running.

My school once did a parody of Cinderella and I was Cinderellas dog. At one point Cinderella, the Fairy Godmother, and the dog had to flea the ball. I thought going down the stage steps wasn’t dramatic enough for “fleeing” so I launched myself off the stage and landed painfully in the center isle about three rows in accompanied with a very, very loud thump of face on concrete where I laid there like a dead fish for a while. At this point Cinderella and the Fairy Godmother got to me, not knowing what to do they stepped over me and continued running. But Cinderella had forgotten to loose her shoe so half way out of the room she chucked it back where it hit me in the head. I bolted upright and ran shrieking hysterically out of the room. A moment later the Prince came down to where the shoe was picked it up, looked dramatically at where I had exited and said “I hope that dog’s okay.” completely forgetting his line.  

This may be my all time favorite post. 

I was once in a production of “Hello Dolly!” and the two leads were complete jokers and would prank each other during rehearsals all the time. The rest of the cast never thought they would do that during a show, but they told the chorus (separately) that they each were planning to add some tongue into the final kiss between Dolly and Horace. Of course, we told neither of them about the other’s plan, so during the very last show, we were all waiting in the wings to see what would happen. What happened was we ended the show with the two leads violently frenching each other on stage as the curtain dropped. They started dating two weeks later.

Last year we did “Once Upon a Mattress” and the jester was supposed to do a somersault off of a stack of like 3 mattresses and then the minstrel and Lady Larken would be covered up with a blanket, but during one show the jester knocked down one of the mattresses and we had no time to fix it so we had to throw the mattress on top of them

On the spring show my friend was in the person who was playing Lysander (I think?) was supposed to do his,“though she is but little, she is fierce speech” and he forgot his ENTIRE monologue and there was a moment of dead silence before he just says,“BUT I LOVE YOU!” and just walks off stage

Tears in my eyes

My Broadway producer friends once told me a story about the eponine at the time. Everyone loves to snack on candy back stage and this girl decided to put skittles in her pockets. She went on for “Little Fall of Rain” and while she was dying in Marius’s arms, the skittles slowly started to trickle out of her pocket.

We were doing a modern version of Lysistrata, and at one point one of the husbands is supposed to toss his infant child (a doll we had swaddled in a blanket) up in the air, and his attendant was supposed to catch it, sneer back at him, and walk off stage. Well, during one of the performances, the actor tossed the baby waaaaaaay too hard, so the assistant DOVE to catch it, landing with a loud THUD that echoed throughout the theater, and slid part way off stage with a loud “squeeeeeaaaaaak.” The rest of us, waiting in the wing, grabbed his shoulders (which fortunately did make it off stage) and continued to drag him back, all while trying not to lose our shit.

My favorite will always be the production of The Diary of Anne Frank that was so bad, that when the Nazis showed up at the end, people in the audience screamed “They’re in the attic!”

During a dress rehearsal for the wizard of oz, oz forgot where he put his bag, which was supposed to hold all the ‘gifts’ for Tin Man, Lion, and Scarecrow. So his solution was to stuff the gifts into the waistband of his poofy green pants and hope for the best.

When it came time for him to pass out the gifts, it turned out that while he was walking, the gifts had slid down his pants. So he had to reach his arm down his pants to pull out the gifts, which was already bad enough, but since he had no bag, Dorothy felt the need to change her line to fit the situation.

Which resulted in a seventh grader saying: “Oh, I don’t think he has anything in those pants for me.”

articianne:

i cannot stress this enough

if you are an eligible voter in the US this coming election and bernie sanders does not have the democratic nomination

you. have. to. vote. for. hillary.

i am not fucking messing around

i am not gonna sit here while you write in names or go on some fucking strike. hillary is not on the same level as donald trump. all of you who act like that’s a hard choice are ridiculous. you vote for hillary clinton if she gets the primary. if you don’t, you give trump the presidency. clear and simple. normally i would not advocate against writing in names, but at this point writing in names would take away from hillary’s vote if she is the nominee–EVEN IF YOU WRITE IN BERNIE SANDERS, YOU GIVE TRUMP A HIGHER CHANCE AT THE PRESIDENCY, AND YOU DON’T WANT THAT.

not even a year ago y’all were laughing about donald trump. don’t fuck this up. in no world is hillary clinton as bad as donald trump.