so my english professor told us this story last year about how he met his wife and it’s completely possible that he made it up just to entertain us but he says it happened and the story is this
he’s a a cruise with his parents to australia where he’s gonna spend a year or so for some reason. can’t remember why but it was job related. his mom is worried that if he spends too long away from her without her constant advice (my mom is also like this lol) he’s going to do something impulsive and ridiculous.
so, he decides to prank her by pretending to get married to a woman he just met. because he’s obviously so impulsive and ridiculous. so he’s talking to people and stuff and he asks this woman if she’s cool with pretending to marry him to prank his parents. and she says yes. then he goes and talks to the captain and crewmembers and he’s like “i have this ridiculously funny prank where i’m going to pretend to marry this lovely woman to freak out my mom.” and they, of course, reply hell yeah. so like since the first mate has the power to marry people, i guess, he agrees to the fake wedding.
so at lunch he’s like “mom, dad, this is alyssa. i met her last night and we’re in love and also getting married.” and his mom freaks out and that could be that. but no.
if they’re gonna do this they’re gonna go big or go home.
so, he changes his facebook status to “married to alyssa” and invites all his friends to his wedding in the middle of the ocean. (and they believe him and congratulate him and he’s concerned that his friends think he would really marry a random woman he met like six hours ago)
now his mom is getting really nervous b/c alyssa (the fake bride) got her friends she was on the cruise to be her bridesmaids. they got the first mate to “marry” then at dinner in front of people. the mom is horrified.
anyway the next day he goes “just kidding!” and it’s hilarious. but then he has to contact all his friends who were calling him on the phone and stuff to congratulate him to tell them it was an elaborate joke and they all think he’s an asshole and he and alyssa part ways but keep in touch b/c they… actually get along pretty well.
anyway like a year later they meet up again in boston (i think? big city that wasnt new york) and talk and end up dating for like a year and then end up engaged for real. and now he invites his friends to his real wedding and all their RSVPs essentially say “i’ll show up, but if this is another fake one i’ll fucking murder you” and the mom just flat out didnt believe him for a month because she’s not falling for that again.
and now they’ve been married happily for like three years and they’re expecting their second child who has probably been born by now
and the overall point of this post is: imagine your otp
Well this is a prompt for fic if I’ve ever seen one.
godspeed to everyone in retail out there working thanksgiving / black friday. stay hydrated and don’t let the shitty customers get to you too much, it’ll go faster than you think.
one of my favorite tropes is when a character who is sort of morally mediocre and Only In It For Themself is dragged kicking and screaming into caring about other people and doing good things
when people point out a scene/particular line(s) that tugged at their heartstrings
when people ask for your meta of your work that they enjoyed so much
when someone comments on a fic you wrote 982783113502 years ago
getting recc’d
just the small happiness in knowing you made someone out there smile on their way to work/home or at school, in knowing you warmed someone’s heart somehow
This is the level of salty I hope to reach someday
Patrick Burke is a county legislator (heyo I didn’t even know New York had county legislators, I have learned a thing today) for District 7 of Erie County, so if you live in his district you should call and let him know how completely awesome he is for proposing this. And if you live in Erie County, you should call your legislator (you can figure out which one represents you from this map) and tell them you support the PENCE Bill.
so today a public health official guy came into my class to give a lecture on disaster awareness and he was talking about house fires and mentioned that the reason people most likely die during a house fire is because they refuse to leave their pet inside or they go back to get their pet. and right when he said this my friend immediately turned his head and looked at me and in that moment I had the most complete and genuine acceptance take over my body. I would 100% in front of my family and Jesus himself walk straight back into some raging inferno that was once my house to go get my fat cat. I nodded back
the best part of this post is reading all the tags from animal people who would also go back to save their pets. like no hesitation. walk backwards from heaven straight back into hell. someone even said they would go back for their fish. amazing
I have never hit the reblog button so fast in my life. Holy shit.
As a mother of three let me just say; Kids ain’t for everyone.
No kids for me thank you.
Kids should be an opt-in thing, not opt-out. Especially for childbirth-capable folks because of the higher proportion of resources they usually have to devote to pregnancy and parenthood.
It is Monday. go take your turkey out of the freezer and put it in the refrigerator. It needs to sit there overnight to start to thaw before you can put it on the counter tomorrow night. I know at least six people last year on my Tumblr feed who were still trying to thaw out there turkey as of mid day on Thursday.
If, like us, you have not bought a turkey yet that is fine. Just make sure when you do buy it it’s refrigerated and not frozen. Or you will be fucked.
IMPORTANT
It’s Tuesday, now, so you might want to put the wrapped bird in a tub of cold water to help a faster thaw…
Okay so this is one of the WEIRDEST FUCKING THINGS humanity has stumbled upon in science and it gives me a nerd boner that can be seen from Alpha Centauri.
As far as we can tell, this fucking thing generates reactionless thrust. Let that shit sink in: The EM Drive does not require fuel. Only electrical power.
Okay I know I said it already but AS FAR AS WE CAN TELL THIS IS A !!REACTIONLESS!! !!THRUST!! !!DEVICE!! you have no idea just how goddamn amazing that is
mark my words this fucking thing is going to REVOLUTIONIZEthe design of satellites and scientific probes
and just think of the potential it might have if its thrust increases proportionately to the power fed into it
THIS IS FUKCIN HUGE MY DUDES
Reblogging this just to restate how fucking huge this is.
Imagine you blow air into a balloon and tie it off. Then when you untie it, you let the balloon go and it flies all over the place. This is how propulsion works. This is what Newton’s Third Law is based on. That the air is coming out and pushing the balloon forward.
The EM drive is moving forward when the balloon is still tied off at the end.
I heard about this theorized not some time ago and thought it was amazing!
The fact that it’s been thoroughly peer-reviewed and still stands up is nothing short of absolutely astounding.
This device works, and no one is quite sure how or WHY it does. It defies our current understanding of why physics work the way the way they do. Which mean basically means that we need to re-evaluate and refine our laws of physics because we have discovered empirical evidence that we’ve got something wrong. And trying to fix our math to accurately describe the universe is going lead to new discoveries about the fundamental nature of reality. IT’S MIND BLOWING.
Not to mention this device itself, if we can elaborate and expand on it, will change how we do propulsion. This might the next stage of propulsion technology. To the people a few decades in the future, combustion engine propulsion technology will seem as silly, outdated, and quaint as steam propulsion or horse-drawn carriages seem to us.
THE FUTURE APPROACHES.
god I’m such a nerd
This is hugely important stuff.
A lot of reports on this thing talk about how it “breaks the laws of physics,” but this is an inaccurate oversimplification. The reality of it is much more profound. If this thing indeed works, and the results we’ve gotten thus far can’t be explained by some sort of experimental error, it will redefine our understanding of physics. In other words, the laws of physics aren’t being “broken,” we’ve just been wrong about physics the entire time.
so what you’re saying is maybe we get long distance space travel before we go extinct of our own stupidity
Yes.
So we built a machine and we don’t know how or why it works?
Things just transpired in my house hold that are equal parts offensive and hilarious… Here goes.
So my roommate, Dale, has a gf who does not live with us, but she’s here all the time. So Sunday when my gf was her we were on the couch and we kissed (scandalous, I know) and she saw it, and I’m pretty sure that’s the first time she’s seen us be affectionate, that’s neither here nor there.
So today she tells Dale she’s “uncomfortable” here and wants him to move out because she thinks me and my lady are going to hit on her or something, she doesn’t like living with lesbians, cause it’s not “normal”, so now I’m pissed. Then, Dale goes, “well you don’t live here, so it shouldn’t be a problem, just stop coming over”…things escalated and Dale is trying to break up with her, but she won’t leave our house….she locked herself in Dales room.
So, Dale barges in my room wearing a bathrobe and goes, “call every lesbian you know, we’re smoking this bitch out!” Then turns around and whips his robe like a cape…
And that’s the story of how there are 8 lesbians climbing through the window of Dales room…
im so glad ive found someone who is also committed to erik and charles's tragic friendship i have been alone for so long
*tosses aside all other obligations* MY NEW BUDDY, I AM SO COMMITTED. I just. I’ve been a devotee of the tragic friendship since I was seven years old, okay, I’m not going to just wake up one day a shipper, and the tragic friendship is SO GOOD, Christ. Help me. And since I am SO UNSPEAKABLY THRILLED to have someone in my inbox talking to me about the tragic friendship, I had to figure out a way to show my appreciation, so HERE HAVE A FIC. I rustled up an old request from this prompt list at the start of the summer, so @littlestartopaz sorry it took me like six months. Also this is like long as fuck, taking place in the same movie-comics bastardization universe as the limitations of wax as an adhesive, so I’ll probably crosspost it to AO3.
Alone in the Light
X - Charles/Magneto
friendship (“You’re the only one I trust
to do this.”)
Erik was asleep. Charles couldn’t
feel his mind—was the man sleeping in
that helmet now? But even Erik Lensherr
needed sleep and a cursory sweep through the outermost thoughts of Erik’s
Brotherhood answered the question of his location.
I’m sorry, Charles told the
girl whose mind he was brushing up against.
She was young, a recent recruit, bilingual, with the keening,
perpetually frightened mind of someone not in control of their powers. Gentle, he assessed as he pushed further into
her mind, reaching to speak with her.
Not made for this violence. No
true animosity against humans, but nowhere else to go, either. A missing twin brother? I’m so
sorry, Wanda, I need to speak with him.
Okay, so, I'm a senior in college and I have zero free time to actually find fics my own damn self, so I was wondering if you had any recs for Buffy/Angel fics? (I have some issues with Buffy/Spike for personal reasons, but it's the most popular ship and wading through it is just kind of exhausting, you know? Like, no judgement, but I can't do the ship, and it takes FOREVER to find Buffy/Angel stuff.)
okay, i’m SO SO sorry this took a hundred years. like i said, i wanted to make sure to give more than just a few recs. they’re all bangel, set during various seasons. hope you like them!!
had to put it under a read more because it got longer than i thought it would
In the dog world, humans are elves that routinely live to be 500+ years old.
“They live so long…but the good ones still bond with us for our entire lives.”
“These immortals are so kind we must be good friends to them”
My heart wtf
Not gonna lie, this fucked me up a bit.
POV Fantasy slice of life book when?
“Now I am old. The fur around my muzzle is grey and my joints ache when we walk together. Yet she remains unchanged, her hair still glossy, her skin still fresh, her step still sprightly. Time doesn’t touch her and yet I love her still.”
I feel like nobody ever gives Green Day credit for how brave they are. These guys have guts. They were the only artists at the AMAs who had the courage to all out drag Donald Trump, the President-elect, on national television. Everyone else either danced around the topic or made awkward jokes about it but it was only Green Day who came out, guns blazing and hands in the air, and screamed “NO TRUMP, NO KKK, NO FACIST USA!!”
I voted for Trump, so I’m automatically a fascist and a KKK member. Guess what, performers, we pay you to perform, not to voice your political views.
yeah, you are automatically a fascist for voting Trump! glad you got the memo on that one
also Green Day released American Idiot in 2004 which was directly tied to the election of George W. Bush, they’ve literally been voicing their political opinions from day one, it’s part of their entire identity as a band, them performing and them voicing their political views are one in the same, you filthy damp sponge
I’m honestly getting really tired of this idea that performance should be free from politics. Or that actors/musicians/artists shouldn’t be allowed a political opinion on anything.
“Keep politics out of theatre!”
“Keep politics out of music!”
“Keep politics out of comedy!”
“Keep politics out of film!”
Like, I don’t know what kind of boring theatre, film, music and comedy thehannibalbarca has been consuming before, but art, and performance art is inherently political. And the people who provide this incredible art are also human beings. Politics affects them as much as anyone else, so why the hell shouldn’t they be allowed to express their ideas? Jeez…
Studies have shown that people are more likely to trust entertainers than people in positions of authority on a subject (like scientists and politicians). It’s because we connect with them on a different level. Entertainers have more power to get people’s attention and educate them on important subjects than anyone else. “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.“
Trump’s an entertainer, he’s a reality TV star and even before that he sought attention from entertainment news agencies and took acting jobs. Ronald Reagan was an actor for 32 years before getting into politics. Clint Eastwood spoke at the 2012 Republican Convention. “Entertainers need to stay out of politics” is something I only ever hear when the entertainer isn’t representing republicans.
I’m tricking my students into writing a research paper by having them write an open letter and then strengthen their argument by adding evidence. They were allowed to write about anything they wanted for the first draft of their open letter, and one of my 10th grade boys decided he wanted to write about girls who only like bands because the members are cute and don’t really care about the music.
I let him do it because I’ve found that shutting down a student’s idea at the first draft stage tends to make them more obstinate about the topic. I figured we’d get to the evidence-gathering stage, he wouldn’t be able to find scholarly sources and he would change his topic.
Well lo and behold, today he comes into class and tells me he’s changing his topic. Apparently, he couldn’t find any evidence and he figured he was being kind of hypocritical because he gets really excited about athletes he doesn’t even know and the only reason that’s different than fangirls is because it’s him. He actually told me that he realized that writing that first letter would be pretty condescending. He’s going to write about LGBT rights instead.
This next generation, y’all. There’s some good stuff happening.
just because i don’t follow u back doesn’t mean i think u have a shitty blog. you might just have posts/fandoms/stuff i don’t really want on my dash. and hey, that’s fine. it’s YOUR tumblr you’re here for you and that’s goodgreatawesome
but please don’t think me not following you back means i hate u 5ever and that u can never inbox me or reply to my posts or follow me on twitter or something b/c that is not what it means at all
or hell, i might just have a completionist thing about being able to get through my whole dash and i am following Too Many Blogs already so i don’t want to add more.
Oh hey look, something that ISN’T TOTAL FUCKING BULLSHIT :D
… Step 1. Realize that you should exercise. Step 2 ? Step 3. HEALTH!
When you’re depressed, that question mark can be a barely navigable labyrinth of garbage fires fueled by physical and mental exhaustion, self-loathing, defeat, and frustration. The last time I found myself trying to hack through that mess during a particularly dark period, I started to come up with my own list of bare-bones, practical tips to help me face the idea of moving again. Now I’m sharing them, in case they might help someone else in a similar position. I stress the word “might.” If you’re depressed, the last thing you need is another a-hole telling you what you should do. But if you’re looking for somewhere to start, I’ve been there too.
First heading? “You don’t have to exercise.” I love this entire piece. It’s going on facebook, that’s how much I love it. A+
“The perfect body is a breathing one. Anything that serves those ends is worth considering. Everything else is noise.”
“Most of these training tips and listicles read like they came from people who have faced very little adversity in their lives, and who think that their own health is entirely the product of their own hard work.”
fucking instant reblog
This is also SO fucking helpful if you have any sort of executive dysfunction issues. Because, like, okay, exercise might help with the ADHD, but the ADHD is preventing me from doing stuff, and exercise is something I don’t enjoy. So, no, I’m not going to get through a whole structured workout. I might maybe do some push-ups while I’m waiting on a print. And then pat myself on the back for it.
A friendship between a time traveler and an immortal. Wherever the time traveler ends up, the immortal is there to catch him up to speed.
when we meet, i’m older but born after her, which is confusing. she was immortal somewhere after the 3rd century, we’re not sure. something about an ancient ritual. a sacrifice. she was twenty. if she ages, it’s nowhere i can see. the cut on her ribs from the ritual never heals. she is constantly annoyed by it.
we met in a meadow, by chance, when i got lost after woodstock. she looked at me with these odd eyes as i stumbled out of the loop, still smelling of sweat and other things. for a long time we stared at each other, she in her peasant clothes, me in tattered peace signs. and then she laughed.
she meets me in london during jack the ripper’s reign. we get tea. i tell her about the future where women are rulers and she snorts. i tell her about medicine. she tells me about witchcraft. i tell her about spaceships. she tells me about books that will die before i get to read them. when she laughs my heart feels funny. i think it’s the death on the wind.
she meets me by the berlin wall. we break it down together. she dances her bare feet in the dust. when she laughs something very small breaks in me. i miss my twenty-third birthday by accidentally going back to the dinosaurs. when i find her in the twenty-second century she’s holding a cake for me, telling me she’d found the signs of my travels somewhere back in twenty fifty-three. we sit on a rooftop and look at the stars and eat cake. i save her a slice. when i go back in time, i find her crying. i don’t tell her how i knew. there is something really beautiful in watching someone break into a smile when they’ve been sobbing.
i don’t know what happens. i stop jumping so much. we’re not supposed to. we’re not meant for long stays, we’ll change fate. just in and out. but hours turn into days. we spend a week in paris in her apartment over the city and i’m silly drunk when she leans over to me.
kissing her stops time. kissing her stops everything.
she waits for the future where we are legally allowed to be together. in the meantime i find her in dark corners. she laughs when i get tangled in my own skirts. she shows me a different world. a place where i stay. she knows i have to go. but i can’t help wish i could stay.
time isn’t real. that’s the thing. we experience it only based on our own perception of events. i only realize what’s happening because i stay too long. we are skinny dipping in a cold ocean the first time i notice it. she says something wrong. it’s not a bad mistake. but she doesn’t seem to remember how we got here for a moment. and then, in a flash, it’s gone. we are hiking through the amazon the first time she starts screaming. it’s been a long history. there’s just too much. she has periods of lucidity followed by eons of confusion. everything for her flashes by in an instant. she can’t remember what’s already been invented or what are stories i’ve told. her language is slipping.
i hold her in a future where she is shaking. i kiss her neck. she smells like summer. “i’m losing myself in it,” she whispers. her skin is still bleeding. “i’m losing it.” i don’t know what to say. infinity is a long time to wait. she experiences time in flashes, sees a hundred years at a glance. and me? i show up and evaporate before she even recognizes me.
if she is mad, i am just as bad. i travel too much to find how to stop this. into parallel universes. outside of the ages. i don’t sleep and i don’t eat and the whole time i hear her screaming.
it comes to me while i am sitting in the library of alexandria. time isn’t real. if i break the law, time could unravel. i think of her. if it’s worth it. what happens if i’m caught. we aren’t supposed to do things like this. even if we’re in love.
but i am in love. i am in love.
i open the loop. i could ruin everything. but there she is, crying on the night she will be taken. and my heart breaks. it’s simple. the only way to undo it without leading to ruin is to make sure it never happens in the first place. i take her hand and i give her my loop. she has all of time to explore now. i’ve already seen it. i take her place.
it is many years later. we meet in a meadow and she laughs.
