Y’all I just cut all my hair off (my hair used to reach the bottom of my rib cage and now it’s buzzed on the sides Ruby Rose style, so maybe fifteen inches or more?) and I’m probably never going to stop petting my own head, it feels so good.
Animorphs must be the only work of fiction that explains why the aliens only attack America
They specifically only attack one town, and that’s both because the first invaders were fooled by Hollywood then spent years doing drugs there, and explicitly because it’s a good neighborhood to raise kids in.
Usually Bones is so casual when he’s off duty that people on board can forget that he knows all their personal information. Not that he’d ever misuse it. But one night everyone was very drunk, amd Jim was insisting that Bones couldn’t possibly remember who on board has an appendix. So everyone lined up and Bones walked down the aisle. Yes. Yes. No. No. Yes. Yes. No. Yes. No. No. No. You’re species doesn’t have one. Yes. Yes.
100% correct.
This might be my new favorite headcanon.
^^accepted lolol
“And you, your liver’s funny lookin’.”
“And you’re missing 3 cm’s of duodenum.”
“Two plates in the left femur.”
“Regenerated kidneys.”
“And if I ever have to see the inside of your peritoneum again, Riley, I’m gonna hand in my papers.”
I’m cackling so hard at the last one!
Everyone has something anatomically or medically weird with them, and some are more obvious than others.
I can see him making his way down the line:
“Horseshoe kidney.”
“Perforated left tympanum at the age of seven.”
“Missing the nail on your right hallux because it just would not stop ingrowing.”
Right, so I got drafted into working for my old job for part of my trip to visit my friends and this is just a PSA that I’m going to be kinda out of touch because I got on a bus at 9 this morning for five hours and worked an eight hour shift and now I’m at a hotel to work a ten plus hour shift tomorrow.
If you sent me a message or an ask today and didn’t get a reply, please assume this post is an apology to you.
On the other hand, the girl in the seat across from me on the bus was an otherworldly creature. Lighthouse sweatshirt girl, you’re beautiful.
In my mind I will forever refer to Jake as "Roach Boy"
Oh my God, the YELP of laughter I let out when I saw this, you have no idea. Roach Boy, with a Roach Motel on his head.
On a somewhat related note I think it’s fucking great that he gets called Big Jake, like, point me toward the fanart where Jake is just. A big dude. Not fat–he’s an athlete, even if he’s not great at basketball–but just big. I have a friend who’s a football player (like…one of the positions that does a lot of running, I know nothing about football) and he’s like six foot and he’s ALWAYS been a really huge dude, tall and broad shouldered and kind of benevolently looming at all times, even when we were Animorphs-age. Draw me Jake like that dude. Just. Real tall and real broad through his shoulders with real big hands and generally kind of unsure about what to do about it. Talk to me about how he goes from kind of cheerfully slouched (I know a lot of friendly huge dudes, you know the slouch I mean, of like “I’m really tall and I’m trying to look approachable”) to ramrod straight and menacing as fuck during the war. He goes from being totally friendly and adorable to…genuinely kind of intimidating?
…listen, I’m sorry for this drastic change of topic, I just have a lot of feelings about Big Jake.
So there's a TV show about the Animorphs... Is that a things that's acknowledged in this fandom or is it Not A Thing We Talk About Shut The Hell Up?
I know there are some people who acknowledge it, but I got through literally a quarter of the first episode before I concluded that I was being unnecessarily cruel to myself and since then I have happily pretended that it does not exist while dreaming about the animated series I want to get someday.
Oh NO! MARCO!!! ANd MArco’s MUM?! Jesus Christ
IT’S SO TERRIBLE AND SO PAINFUL AND I LOVE IT DEARLY
*slams fist on table* Holy crap do I love this thing with Marco’s family. Also is it bad that I found the line about his mother being On Yeerk mothership funny? This is seriously juvenile humour.. and yet
Oh no trust me I too laugh at that joke every time. I’m also always hysterically amused by the recurring joke of “Hey, Rachel, open this door” Rachel, in morph: *breaks down the door*
Like, I’m a huge fan of that terrible joke, it will never not be funny to me.
Okay wow, these are dated: "How long do you think this will take?" Rachel asked. She checked her watch. "I set the VCR for two of my favorite shows, but I forgot to tape the movie of the week." "I'm taping it in case you miss it," Cassie said. Wow.
First of all, yeah, wow, the 90′s were a long time ago. Like, I know how to wind a cassette tape with a pencil and I’m pretty sure my friend’s kid sister has never even seen one before. It’s a trip.
Second of all, I kind of love how much Rachel and Cassie (and Jake and Marco, for all that they try to be gruff about it) are just. Really into their friendship. Like, yes, obviously, Cassie tapes movies that Rachel wants to see and makes sure to hang onto them for her. Rachel probably tapes Animal Planet sometimes, with much complaining, for her best friend. *sighs* I love them. They’re good kids.
grape juice omfg, these kids
In case you had missed that they’re TINY TEENS, they’re teeny tiny teens. Like. Thirteen. Juice box teens. I know that’s not what this is referencing but THEY’RE TINY TEENS, MARCO PROBABLY BRINGS CAPRI SUN WITH HIS LUNCH BOX. Or he would if he brought a lunch box.
“Henry Cavill needs to always play characters with names like Napoleon Solo. It suits him. In fact, he should just consider changing his name to Napoleon Solo.”
Yes to all of these! Not everything has to be Oscar Fodder. Sometimes a movie can just be… fun?
aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAH I JUST FINISHED BOOK THREE AND AAAAAAAAH MY BIRD CHILD NEEDS SO MANY HUGS like, even though I read a bit of this series when I was little, so I... think... that things do eventually change for the better wrt that situation.... aaaaah that is much worse than I remember it being. wow
My booooooooy I love him, he goes through such a rough time.
And um. Sure! Yeah! Things totally change for the better! I absolutely did not talk all of these people into reading 54 books of unremitting, unalloyed, cold-eyed tragedy!
"His jaw is set hard, no trace of his nervous smile, and he’s standing up straight for the first tine in her memory and the two of them are immediately, viscerally agreed. They are going to war. The others can stay or go, but Rachel and Tobias. They are doing this, because this is what they are. Who they are." I love them and I LOVE this. I love the way you write so much, it's amazing. I've read this drabble twice over. It's so good.
THANK YOU SO MUCH, I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT THESE KIDS AND I’M GLAD THAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE ENJOYING THEM.
character being all “you expect me to do X?” Gilligan Cut to character doing X
the squad gets captured and interrogated separately, and they’re all telling equally terrible, completely contradictory lies
people completely missing the completely unsubtle, very visible dangerous thing in the room with them
alternatively, people absolutely seeing the completely unsubtle, very visible dangerous thing in the room with them and just not giving a shit
bonus points if it’s a beleaguered minimum wage employee who just goes about their business like “yep same shit as always”
someone pretending they don’t know another character is eavesdropping, only to casually reveal at the end of the scene that they know (*leaving* “tell tom that he can come out now” *tom drops from the ceiling in spy gear, irritated*)
choosing to deal with the villain by just leaving them alone in a room with another character
the “hands go down” trope
example: “any questions?” *everyone’s hands go up* “…that AREN’T sarcastic?” *everyone’s hands go down*
how could all y'all forget “ACT NATURAL!”
These are all great but let’s not forget two characters giving extremely biased flashbacks to the same event that each paint the other as an incompetent loon
i would like to respectfully add: scenes where a character walks into a room, sees something scary, and turns around and walks out with no reaction or change of expression
its weird being 18, 19, 20 in 2016 because i remember going into kindergarten and seeing those chunky ass giant computers at the desk and then going through school while technology rapidly develops and graduate in a world where people can have the entire internet and more just in their pocket like idk its so strange to me
sorry to add to the post but I remember in 5th grade when they invented the “smart whiteboard” and my school won one for the library and everyone lost their shit because they were so expensive and I graduated high school last year and by the time I graduated every single classroom had one. Watching technology go from glitchy and expensive to powerful and affordable within less than ten years continues to blow my mind
no but also like owning a flip phone was the Coolest Shit™ and you could take photos(???) and it was like so incredible, and it was all fun and games until you pressed the key for THE INTERNET and you knew you’d be charged so you pressed that cancel key eighty times and prayed to god that he’d take mercy on you…and then iphones became a thing and it was like unreal
Going from vcrs and huge roll in tvs to streaming the movie online and projecting that onto the smart board within the span of 5-10 years.
ok but do you guys remember before proper projectors were put in there was the overhead projector that could only read clear plastics and it projected using light and mirrors
remember when you got your first phone, and it had monoton/polyphone ringtones=? OR THE FIRST TIME YOU COULD ACTUALLY PUT A SONG AS YOUR RINGTONE 1:1 that was such a huge thing…..Also the first phones with coloured displays, 100x100px photos……god what a time….
I remember PRECISELY when smart whiteboards hit my middle school because I was in eighth grade and the installation guy showed up halfway through a geometry class like “Hey, you were supposed to give us height marks and you didn’t, what the fuck”, and my geometry teacher clearly didn’t know what to do, so she pointed to me and said “she’s the shortest person in the school, she’ll give you the height marks.”
So an entire building had whiteboards I could mostly reach for once, and that was nice.
On the humans are weird thing, what about the Hadron Collider?
Like, aliens come to earth and are kind of impressed with how fast our technology is progressing, and they’re like, touring the earth and meeting the greatest minds of our generation and eventually end up at CERN.
Alien: So what are you doing here, Human Scientist of CERN?
Scientist: Oh, well, we made this machine that smashes atoms into even smaller stuff.
Alien: Oh? And how did you achieve this?
Scientist: Well, we throw them at each other at amazing speeds until they break apart. It’s actually pretty cool.
Alien: It does sound interesting.
Scientist: Right? It sucks there’s people who are pissed about it.
Alien: Excuse me?
Scientist: Well, theoretically there’s a chance that we could create a black hole if we go through this process.
Alien:
Alien:
Alien: Why do you persist in this endeavor if this is a possibility?
Scientist: It’s fuckin’ sicc
And then the aliens realize that oh, humans are only so ahead of the times is because they’re fucking crazy and just do shit. And then they leave.
3. It’s been raining for three days and you see her at a bus stop three hours away from your house. If her bus comes at 8:34 and yours comes at 9:15 then you’ll both get to your homes by 10. If her bus comes at 9:15 and yours comes at 10:34 then why are you waiting for a bus in the rain?Please answer clearly, in full sentences. (Not a correct answer: I just wanted to see her one more time).
4. Define two (2):Love | The way the sun hits her hair at six in the morning | Beauty | The moment of silence after your heart shatters
5. True or False:i. You love her. ___ii. It was her fault. ___iii. If you were given a second chance, you’d kiss her in the rain the Sunday before it ended. ___iv. If you were given a second chance, you’d turn right and never meet her. ___v. You can’t regret a single moment that you had her. ___vi. It ended long before either of you said anything. ___
Could you do Brenneth for your ask meme maybe? I want to get to know her better.
My
brain refuses to tick over appropriately in order to ACTUALLY work on Alleirat,
so here are some short li’l headcanons in the hope that it will kick
something into gear. They’re not super detailed because it’s 1 AM and I’m trying not to think about the MCAT too much.
Oh, also, while I’m at this, I’m listening to Hopeless by Halsey and it’s just. The Most Brenneth and Crispin. “Cause you know the good die young, but so did this, so it must be better than I think it is.”
A: what I think realistically
Brenneth likes to sing. She picked it up while she was being trained
as a blacksmith, because she doesn’t really care for quiet, and it just sort of
became a thing. Crispin has real
actual-facts voice training, so he used to bring her songs that he’d learned
and they would sing them together while he lurked in the corner of her
forge. It continues to be a thing to
this day. Her voice isn’t anything
special—low end of alto range, fairly limited range—but she can project and she
has the feel for folk songs, you know
what I’m saying. It used to be kind of
Known that you could bring the singing smith a new song she’d never heard, and
she would charge you a little less than usual for your job.
B: what I think is fucking hilarious
On Earth, once they’re—you know, once
they’re speaking again, Brenneth calls Crispin Darth when she wants to get on
his nerves. Most of their teachers and (later)
their coworkers think it’s an inside joke.
It kind of is. But an inside joke
with a body count.
C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends
Torei, Brenneth’s right hand woman that
first time around and her devoted amdri,
wears Brenneth’s name like a brand on her soul and says that love should make
you feel invincible.
Brenneth, who multiple times a week
wakes up choking from a nightmare about the last time she told someone that she
loved them—you’re my best friend, Cris,
of course I love you, and then he says you
understand, right and she doesn’t, and that’s usually where the choking
starts, a scream that doesn’t make it past her throat—doesn’t agree. All love has ever done for her is open gaping
holes in her armor, over vital organs.
Fourteen years and four centuries later,
standing between that same person—of course
I love you and then the choking—and a death sentence, Brenneth still doesn’t
agree. This isn’t invincible. This is utterly, unfathomably, unspeakably
breakable.
D: what would never work with canon but the canon is
shit so I believe it anyway
Listen the book will never progress this
far because I Do Not Like Writing Children and also this is highly unlikely
because Crispin and also because Plot Reasons, but I like to think there’s a
happy future for these poor kids where Brenneth owns a forge again and spends
her time quietly making weapons and trinkets and whatever else she likes, and
Crispin is basically her house husband.
Given the opportunity, he would 100% like nothing more than to bring
Brenneth meals and play with the kids who loiter in her forge and walk to the
market while he tries to figure out how to keep the plants Krei gave them
alive. Brenneth spars for fun, rather
than because she needs to keep her skills up, and Crispin grows his hair out
long again because he can stand to look at himself in the mirror. They sit on their roof at ungodly hours of
the night—they have a deal with the local Lai
Dase population, to the tune of try us,
we dare you, so no one hassles them—and drink wine straight from the bottle
and look at the stars and sing off-key and fall asleep in uncomfortable
positions, with Crispin’s head in Brenneth’s lap.
Basically what I’m saying is that, despite
whatever else they might be into, both Crispin and Brenneth have gotten to the
point in their lives where their absolute top kink is domesticity. Like, once you’ve literally tried to murder each other, falling asleep on the couch together becomes Some Weird Shit. And as much as I’m enjoying putting them
through hell sometimes I like to pretend that they will literally ever
get to indulge in it.
Not gonna lie, my exposure to these books VASTLY predated any exposure I had to…pop culture in general, so rereading them is always an adventure full of “oh wow that’s totally a reference that I Did Not Get” and let me tell you a thing, the Friends reference was…a latecomer even by those standards. I think I was 18 by the time I realized that.
“I’m in,” Marco said instantly.A split second behind him, Rachel said her usual “I’m in."Everyone stared openmouthed at Marco."Just once I wanted to beat Rachel to it,” he explained. WOw. This is Iconic.
THIS LINE. IN PARTICULAR. IS MY JAM.
*inhales deeply* Oh god, I’ve adopted the alien boy. I will love him. I will protect him. I will care for him
Wait, how the hell did Visser Three not realise they were humans when they fell out?
I think you may be ascribing an unreasonable level of pragmatism to our good buddy V3. Dude definitely spent his time hopping around and threatening murder of his underlings and yelling on broadband thoughtspeak about having lost the Andalite Bandits rather than. Like. Trying to get a look at anything that might be falling out of the truck ship.
Visser 3 was promoted because he makes a really stellar battering ram, okay, not for any particular tactical genius. Like, he has his moments, but. Let’s just be clear. Once you meet his boss it becomes VERY clear that he’s not here for his strategic talents.
A VCR…. Wtf
Reminder that these books can be VERY 90′s, bless them.
Micheletto decided to pledge himself to Cesare Borgia in under sixty seconds for a variety of reasons, most of which were reasonable, like:
1) Working for the pope’s son is a better gig than working for a cardinal who may or may not succeed in killing the pope and then staying in favor once a new pope is anointed
2) Probably it would pay better
3) Cesare seems wayy more competent than Orsini, since Orsini hired Micheletto specifically to do this poisoning thing that Micheletto’s kind of doubtful about, which has resulted, obviously, in Cesare catching Micheletto in the act
4) and Micheletto absolutely values competence, and would rather work for someone who knows what the fuck he’s doing and won’t send Micheletto on assassination trips likely to get him killed.
5) This particular assassination attempt is doomed anyway, so why not make the best of things
Headcanon B: what I think is fucking hilarious
Micheletto decided to pledge himself to Cesare Borgia in under sixty seconds because:
1) Cesare looked at him like this:
grinning and breathless and visibly having fun, almost as fast as Micheletto and just as cruel.
2) Cesare kept grinning at him when he shoved Micheletto into a wall with his hand on the back of Micheletto’s neck like he was a fucking dog
3) and Micheletto, an obvious masochist and brutally stupid romantic, fell in love instantly.
4) While I think this is fucking hilarious, I also absolutely believe it’s true.
Headcanon C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends
There’s a world where Micheletto chooses Pascal instead of Cesare.
He’s happy, in that world.
Headcanon D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway
Micheletto, the most A Poet a person can possibly be while being absolutely illiterate, ghost-writes the poems of Pietro Bembo while living in Ferrara as Lucrezia’s personal bodyguard/secret pet assassin, Cyrano de Bergerac style. As in, he sits there and brusquely, scowlingly dictates these lush gorgeous love poems to Bembo, who writes them down and sends them to Lucrezia.
"lost the cover art lottery" excuSE YOU I LOVED THOSE COVERS
TRUST ME MY TEASING COMES FROM A PLACE OF TRUE AND UNDYING LOVE.
But also you gotta admit that some of them (…anything where they morph a bug on the cover, I am talking about the ones where they morph bugs, and also the one where Tobias morphs a Taxxon) are. Questionable.
Right, so, today I learned that the MCAT’s labeling system is trash and the thing labeled “practice test” is actually supposed to be the ultimate final step before you take the MCAT proper and it’s modeled exactly like the test and the thing labeled “sample test” is the practice for the practice test but it didn’t say that literally anywhere at all so the point of this is that I accidentally took the MCAT today.
Why the hell did Rachel have a picture of Tobias? ( Also, Tobias??? Just.. Tobias??? Tring to make the best out of a bad situation Tobias???? Coming into this I thought Marco was going to be a favourite but my heart is breaking for this boy.(halfway (?) through Book 3)
Right, so, welcome to my kingdom of fairly elaborate headcanons about Rachel’s very quiet, mostly ignored crush on the shiest, most anxious bully target in school. She never talks about it to anyone, really. Not even Cassie knows. The laws of middle school are pretty absolute, and Rachel runs in radically different circles from soft-spoken Tobias, new kid Tobias, everyone-knows-his-uncle-hates-him Tobias. Shows-up-at-school-for-breakfast-with-ill-fitting-clothes-and-bruises-from-bullies Tobias.
Rachel’s a tough kid, but even she’s not sure if she’s tough enough for that.
All the same, though, she drops a whisper in Jake’s ear–Big Jake, her gentle giant of a cousin–and suddenly the bullies start to back off, under threat of seeing Jake’s easygoing smile appear over Tobias’ shoulder with a “Hey, guys. What are we talking about?”
Tobias never knows. Rachel never tells him.
That’s not the point, though. By the time Rachel decides that fuck everyone, she’s so fucking over this, if she wants to go hold some dumb skinny dork’s hand she’s gonna do it and fuck the haters–well, they walk home through a construction site. She does hold Tobias’ hand, but it’s because he’s crying so hard he’s shaking trying to be silent, and the Andalite, the dying Prince Elfangor, is screaming in their heads and God, what else can she do except hold onto Tobias and pray?
The next day, Rachel looks across the circle of her friends and meets Tobias’ eyes, soft and light brown flecked with gold in the sunlight. She’s never been close enough to see the glints of precious metal there. His jaw is set hard, no trace of his nervous smile, and he’s standing up straight for the first tine in her memory and the two of them are immediately, viscerally agreed. They are going to war. The others can stay or go, but Rachel and Tobias. They are doing this, because this is what they are. Who they are.
They go to war and it’s worse than anything Rachel’s ever lived except for how it’s not and the next day Tobias….
Tobias isn’t at school. He’s invisible. He blends in with the crowd. That’s what Cassie tells her, tries to reassure her. They might have just not noticed him.
Rachel would have noticed him, she thinks.
So.
The point is.
When she finds out that those soft gold-brown eyes and that nervous smile and those bony stubborn shoulders are gone for good, Rachel goes and finds the one place that might have a picture of Tobias. He drew, you know, pretty well, and she goes to the art teacher and lies her ass off about looking for pictures of the after-school art club. (She knows that Tobias was at home to sleep, almost nothing else. Everyone knew.) The art teacher is an easy mark. Rachel is a sweet kid, a top student, a good girl. Rachel walks away with a small collection of photos, and finds one that’s mostly Tobias, looking shyly up at the camera that had interrupted his work. Brown eyes flecked with gold, a nervous smile. She can’t stand the thought of forgetting what he looks like.
Why the hell did Rachel have a picture of Tobias? ( Also, Tobias??? Just.. Tobias??? Tring to make the best out of a bad situation Tobias???? Coming into this I thought Marco was going to be a favourite but my heart is breaking for this boy.(halfway (?) through Book 3)
Right, so, welcome to my kingdom of fairly elaborate headcanons about Rachel’s very quiet, mostly ignored crush on the shiest, most anxious bully target in school. She never talks about it to anyone, really. Not even Cassie knows. The laws of middle school are pretty absolute, and Rachel runs in radically different circles from soft-spoken Tobias, new kid Tobias, everyone-knows-his-uncle-hates-him Tobias. Shows-up-at-school-for-breakfast-with-ill-fitting-clothes-and-bruises-from-bullies Tobias.
Rachel’s a tough kid, but even she’s not sure if she’s tough enough for that.
All the same, though, she drops a whisper in Jake’s ear–Big Jake, her gentle giant of a cousin–and suddenly the bullies start to back off, under threat of seeing Jake’s easygoing smile appear over Tobias’ shoulder with a “Hey, guys. What are we talking about?”
Tobias never knows. Rachel never tells him.
That’s not the point, though. By the time Rachel decides that fuck everyone, she’s so fucking over this, if she wants to go hold some dumb skinny dork’s hand she’s gonna do it and fuck the haters–well, they walk home through a construction site. She does hold Tobias’ hand, but it’s because he’s crying so hard he’s shaking trying to be silent, and the Andalite, the dying Prince Elfangor, is screaming in their heads and God, what else can she do except hold onto Tobias and pray?
The next day, Rachel looks across the circle of her friends and meets Tobias’ eyes, soft and light brown flecked with gold in the sunlight. She’s never been close enough to see the glints of precious metal there. His jaw is set hard, no trace of his nervous smile, and he’s standing up straight for the first tine in her memory and the two of them are immediately, viscerally agreed. They are going to war. The others can stay or go, but Rachel and Tobias. They are doing this, because this is what they are. Who they are.
They go to war and it’s worse than anything Rachel’s ever lived except for how it’s not and the next day Tobias….
Tobias isn’t at school. He’s invisible. He blends in with the crowd. That’s what Cassie tells her, tries to reassure her. They might have just not noticed him.
Rachel would have noticed him, she thinks.
So.
The point is.
When she finds out that those soft gold-brown eyes and that nervous smile and those bony stubborn shoulders are gone for good, Rachel goes and finds the one place that might have a picture of Tobias. He drew, you know, pretty well, and she goes to the art teacher and lies her ass off about looking for pictures of the after-school art club. (She knows that Tobias was at home to sleep, almost nothing else. Everyone knew.) The art teacher is an easy mark. Rachel is a sweet kid, a top student, a good girl. Rachel walks away with a small collection of photos, and finds one that’s mostly Tobias, looking shyly up at the camera that had interrupted his work. Brown eyes flecked with gold, a nervous smile. She can’t stand the thought of forgetting what he looks like.
humble request: rey or phasma, ur choice, for the headcanon meme
Heck,
how about some Rey feelings. Please
observe that I have literally never given a fuck about the extended universe
for more than long enough to Make Things Worse, and I have no idea what Rey’s
canonical backstory is in the New EU.
A: what I think realistically
So…this is what I started following
Wilde for, way back in the day, but Rey has definitely eaten a dude before,
right? Like, she grew up a feral desert
orphan child and has definitely killed a couple people to protect herself and
her home and her food supply, and.
Well. Supposing it was a sort of
being whose flesh isn’t toxic to humans…that’s a lot of food. Your average human runs about 40,000
calories, if you eat whatever organs are edible (not all, but a good
number) and make appropriate use of the bones.
That’s literally almost a month of
food for a skinny nervous abandoned teenager. More if you ration it.
Rey feels worse about losing some of the
meat because she was learning how to cure it than she does about any other part
of the situation.
B: what I think is fucking hilarious
Rey has never had a last name. Neither has Finn. Finn comes into the Dqar base unconscious and
bleeding out and who the hell else is going to put themselves down as people to
contact in case he needs something (in
case he dies, they do not think) except Rey, who Finn came back for, and
Poe, who came back for Finn. So through
some confusion with medical staff Finn is officially down as Finn Dameron
because…well, Poe’s not going to tell them they can’t, okay? Poe has a big extended
family back on Yavin IV, they won’t mind one more, and honestly just Finn is starting to look a little
lonely, flapping out in the breeze without any other names on it. The guy can pick a last name when he wakes
up, but for the moment, Finn Dameron it is.
Rey is informed, after she’s had four
ribs and a mild concussion repaired, that they’ll need her last name so that
they can record the concussion and make sure future doctors know about it. This takes a remarkable amount of explaining
about the point of medical records,
followed by a lengthy but competently recalled list of every notable injury Rey
has ever sustained.
“Thank you, Rey,” the medic says dryly,
noting down the last of them. “And a
last name? You can just pick one to fill
in, for now, and change it later if you need to.”
“Dameron,” Rey says offhandedly, because
last names are about family and family are the people who come back for you and
honestly that’s about the extent of Rey’s understanding on the matter.
By the time Rey’s back from hunting down
Luke from some backwater corner of the galaxy, the entire Resistance knows that
Poe Dameron gave Finn his jacket and Rey his droid (temporarily, he did get it
back, but no one seems willing to listen) and the both of them his last name. As far as Rey is concerned, corralling Finn
and waiting for Poe in his quarters is nothing short of the obvious solution to
everyone’s problems.
Rey is a feral desert child whose
knowledge of bureaucratic nonsense is limited at best and nonfunctional at
worst. She mis-files a couple of things
a week, and usually it’s caught by the actual administrative staff, but how
were they supposed to know that she didn’t understand that she’d accidentally
filed all her documents with two spouses.
She does live with Finn and
Poe, she protests when it comes up, and they are her family, and they aren’t
related, she just eliminated options until there was only one left!
To Finn, who grew up in a world where
marriage barely existed as a concept and certainly wasn’t something he was
familiar with, this seems perfectly legitimate.
To Poe, who is literally the last person on base to find out when
Leia very dryly hands him an anniversary present and says “I hear you got
married this time last year,” this prompts a lot more questions.
C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends
Do you ever think about Rey as a little
girl, trying not to cry because it wastes
water and she has so little water left, and sitting out under the stars as
she wonders why she wasn’t good enough?
Why she wasn’t good enough for her parents to stay? Why she wasn’t good enough for them to take
her with them?
Why she wasn’t good enough for them to
love?
Because if you ever think about that,
let me raise you one up. Do you ever
think about Rey as a young woman, holding an ancient weapon in both hands and
trying to drive back a ragged blade of scarlet light, trying not to fall into
the crevasse opening below her feet, trying not to die here, at the hands of this wild-eyed creature behind that
terrible mask, this monster who killed the only person who had really, truly
offered her a place in the world (do you
want a job)—and do you ever think about how, in total desperation, she
reaches out to the Force and begs I am
not good enough for this, please save me anyway.
And the Force comes to her call with the
force of a sun being born and answers oh,
wild girl, newest heart, thing-with-teeth-and-starlight-eyes, you are just as good
as you choose to be.
And Rey opens her eyes and throws the
monster away from her and, prowling forward with her teeth bared and starlight in her eyes, makes a choice.
D: what would never work with canon but the canon is
shit so I believe it anyway
Right, so, we all pretty much know that
Rey is probably going to be Luke’s daughter because ultimately Star Wars is the
story of the Skywalker family more than anything else. But honestly I think if I had total creative control here I would go
with that one suggestion that has drifted past once or twice about Rey being
the Force’s second attempt at balance, another Force-child meant to repair the
damage wreaked in the wake of the last.
Her mother was not a Skywalker. Her
mother was no one of note. Her mother
was not equipped for a child like Rey. Rey
was born and the Force shook, and Rey
cried and the Force soothed her, and Rey laughed and the sun’s light was less
brutal. Her mother ran when Rey was
seven.
Rey had no control over it, of course. But alone, scaling the gutted hulk of fallen destroyers
and battlestars, Rey always seemed to find the last valuable items, waiting to
be ripped from the walls and control panels, and she never stumbled, never fell
into the depths below her, never quite
got severely injured. Once, she found a
ship wrecked on the sand and followed a tug that anchored somewhere under her
breastbone, and found a door that had jammed shut in the crash. No one had ever tried to open it.
When she pried the door free, Rey ripped
out the hyperbaric chamber beyond and managed to rig up a sledge behind her
speeder, and took a dead relic of a dead man who had once been the Force’s own
child, unknown father-twin-cousin-self
to Rey, to be traded for food. It had
earned her an entire month’s portions, and the quick-rise bread and the protein
bars tasted strange on her tongue. Like
cannibalism, almost. Eating one’s own
kind to survive.
The first time Rey uses the Force—intentionally,
with anger and willfulness and desperation behind it—Luke and Leia almost have
a mutual heart attack. The sunburst of presence,
the supernova, is familiar but unspeakably foreign, a gravitational pull like a
supermassive star that draws the world behind it and how dare anyone question.
The first thing that flickers through
Luke’s mind is an impossible Father? On Dqar Leia feels a fierce lurch of Ben, you fool, don’t you dare—
When Rey fights with her saberstaff,
white light a deadly halo around her hands, she could almost be another Jedi,
at the height of his power and honor and glory long ago. But Rey has never allowed anyone to dictate
to her, and perhaps this is why the Force left her alone, to raise herself and
learn her own limits. Rey is a killer,
certainly. Rey will do what has to be
done for the survival of herself and her people, now that she has people. But no one has ever told Rey to feel nothing,
to abandon her heart, and Rey’s heart holds the whole of the Force in its
folds, her blood pumping starstuff and power.
When she stands again the First Order,
against the Knights of Ren and their captain, against generals and armies and
machines, against Snoke, the last of the Sith Lords, the outcome is
foregone.
y;know i was intrigued and kinda interested in reading them but then i was like 'yeah but it's 50+ books you're gonna have to go to the library to pick up and you got shit to do buddy" but then. but then you added that link. and now. here i am. about to descend into this madness
If by some miracle you instantly became fluent in 3 foreign languages, what would they be? This includes various forms of sign language and Braille. I’d choose Spanish and French for media consumption and Russian because communism, lol.
