Courtney Demone is a trans woman currently undergoing hormone replacement therapy and, as such, is starting to grow breasts.
Given this opportunity, she has a found a brilliant way to #FreeTheNipple.
Demone is launching the hashtag #DoIHaveBoobsNow and will post topless images of herself on Facebook and Instagram, “until those networks decide that my breasts have developed enough to be sexualized and worthy of censorship”
1) Totally got shouted at a lot by Demeter when Persephone skipped town because YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING HER and I EXPECTED BETTER FROM YOU and YOU TWO ACT LIKE YOU’RE GROWNUPS HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN and at first Athena is trying to reason with her (Athena gets angry in a cold fashion) and Artemis crosses her arms and scowls more and more intently (Artemis gets angry in a murder-everyone fashion), but by the end of it they are just so tired of hearing Demeter’s voice that they basically walk away with her still scowling behind them. They lay very, very low for the next few days.
2) They were picking flowers with Persephone. The goddess of war, aegis-bearer, helmed and spear-wielding, was out picking violets and roses and idk braiding them into flower crowns for the goddess of wild animals, huntress, death to maidens and mothers alike. Like. Can we process that.
3) tbh Athena probably likes spending time with Artemis and her nymphs because it’s practically the only place that no one acts shocked over a) her weapons or b) her femininity or especially c) the fact that she is both at once. Like I realize Athena is remarkably unfeminine in terms of her own actions and presentation, but it seems plausible to me that she finds a unique relaxation in the company of the other warrior goddess, especially her sister who chose to embrace her gender while also demanding the destructive capabilities of her twin brother. There’s so much to explore here! Artemis doesn’t act faux-shocked for laughs when Athena carefully brushes out her hair before pinning it meticulously into place. “omg you brush your hair?? I would’ve thought you’d chopped it all off by now! wow it’s almost like you’re a girl!!!!” – that is not a thing Artemis does to her. There are no mutters about ball-busting during her weapon drills. There is only the total acceptance of every part of her, and the uncomplicated warm friendship of other goddesses. Because you cannot tell me the nymphs in Artemis’ retinue don’t dote on Athena like an adopted older sister.
I needed to make this post, because tumblr really does not seem to know anything about what is happening in my country.
Let me put it on scale for you - Hurricane Katrina, which ravaged Louisiana, was at a Cateogry 5 on the Saffir-Simpson Hurricane scale. This is the absolute worst a hurricane can be, with sustained winds reaching 157+ mph.
Right now in the Bahamas, we have a Category 4 hurricane - nearly as bad as Hurricane Katrina, if not worse considering the conditions we are living in right now with an impossible high tidal surge and deadly flooding. What’s even worse is that it is not moving (< 3 mph). That means for almost two whole days, this hurricane has been sitting ON TOP of my country NOT MOVING and destroying houses. No warning was issued prior to the hurricane, it literally grew overnight and most of the people who live in these outer islands (poor families who make a living fishing, carving bark, plaiting straw) had zero time to prepare. We do not know what the death count is - we lost all communication with most of these islands between the hours of 12 midnight and 4 this morning, and it is too dangerous for rescue teams.
Houses have been flattened or carried out to sea. There are now potential uninhabited cays and islands where there once were communities. And this nightmare isn’t over - it’s heading up to the Northern islands now, where there are a lot of elderly people unable to care for themselves and NO clinics, hospitals, or higherground.
Please, please, please spread the word about this. We will be trying to put together a GoFundMe soon, and I will have that link to share as soon as it becomes available.
Ok so staff just released info about this new update, and while it seems like an effective way to cut off any lurking, hateful anons, or the possibility of anyone seeing your blog that you don’t want to, it also cuts off a lot of other useful features as well.
I conducted a little to test to see how it works by turning off the “show this blog on the web” feature on this blog, and using a dummy blog to see how it works.
First things first, using this feature eliminates your URL completely. You as the blog owner are not even able to view your blog at the URL address. I tried WHILE I was signed in to my blog and it still would not allow me.
Obviously if you as the blog owner can’t see it also means no one, including mutuals, can see your blog either. There are only two ways you can still view a users content: The mobile side view and posts that come across your dash.
This feature also eliminates the use of read more’s. When you click the read more link it takes you to the permalink, which is part of your URL, which no longer exists.
You are still able to search within tumblr for blogs and follow people and people can search for you, but as I said above, even if you are following a person or they are a mutual, they will never be able to view your actual blog page again.
If you are not comfortable losing your blog page completely, even from your own personal view, then I would not suggest using this feature.
Signal boosting this, because of a lot of blogs I follow have done this, and now I can’t read half the shit they post as a result. I don’t think they realise the issue with the read more thing.
the image “george washington welcomes abraham lincoln into heaven” is so homosexual
everyones reblogging this as if its contemporary or asking who did it but i gotta inform you all it was made in the very same year lincoln was assassinated (1865) and we literally have NO GODDAMNED CLUE who made it and its like fuckin 150 years old
no but here’s where the story gets wild, because this was a thing. and I don’t just mean super gay-looking quasi-religious ascensions of Lincoln into Washington’s arms, we’re talking waaaay weirder than that. I don’t know why it’s not covered in American history classes, because it’s amazing, but Washington enthroned in heaven was such a common motif in American art (largely immediately after his death and again after Lincoln’s assassination) that it has a name: the Apotheosis of Washington. said motif is, simultaneously, incredibly American, incredibly French, incredibly lame, and actually kind of moving in terms of early national mythmaking.
the imagery is largely lifted from paintings of the assumption of the Holy Virgin (as seen here, courtesy of Titian), and usually has Washington ascended into heaven, surrounded by embodied virtues, cherubs, or best of all, old army buddies
(both of whom I briefly mistook for Marie Antoinette)
or here’s a good one, Washington being lifted from his crypt by Father Time and an angel, wearing the expression of a man doing the world’s most unenthusiastic trust fall. note Lady Liberty weeping at his feet, and the Native American warrior playing the part of the grieving land itself. there’s a strong Napoleon vibe in this one, which probably isn’t an accident. that was a man who knew a little something about artistic self-deification.
but the prime example of this motif is in the United States Capitol, in a fresco of the same name, (too detailed to blow up here) where Washington sits enthroned, outfitted in military finery and flanked by Liberty and Victory. around him are six scenes displaying American virtues, or rather–with all due disrespect to Neil Gaiman–American gods: Freedom (depicted, tellingly, as War), Science, the riches and firepower of the Sea, Commerce, Mechanics, and Agriculture. Washington presides over all of them, as the man who created a nation with the strength of his will and the fire in his heart. the heavens are spread around him, and he gazes down at the American experiment sternly and benevolently.
…in other words, monarchy is a really hard habit to kick, especially in art. but the Apotheosis of Washington comes at a real crossroads in the developing American psyche. yeah, there’s a lingering hunger for kingship, that old tendency to bend at the knees, ringed around–visually overpowered–by what would rise to fill that void: commerce, invention, war, and the uniquely American conception of Liberty.
the Lincoln thing is water from the same source: Washington forged the country, Lincoln preserved it, and paid the greatest price for his efforts. in fact, the Capitol painting was commissioned the same year Lincoln was shot, for obvious reasons. the almost-but-not-quite-kissing image of both men in the original post was actually a postcard, and was distributed in large quantities in the months following Lincoln’s death. I like to imagine that people had them pinned up in their houses, where they could unconsciously admit another president into the pantheon of gods
but please never be sorry i found your old art history movements LJ post years ago, got a museum studies degree (best known by my family as “don’t ask what her art history classes are like, she’s going to tell you she’s studying butts in England this week.”) and am now in grad school for art history and frankly weird facts about art like this is my literal favorite
please enjoy these other hilariously great pseudo god-like Lincoln’s and/or Washington’s that are my favorites:
a personal fave where George Washington literally stands in for God with a halo of sun rays emanating from his face under which angels call up Lincoln to heaven done by Philadelphia’s Max Rosenthal and also apparently people argue about whether or not it was said “Now he [Lincoln] belongs to the ages.” or “Now he belongs to the angels.”
If you study history for a living you get used to being less than certain about many important facts. Take the famous comment attributed to Secretary of War Edwin Stanton as he stood weeping beside Abraham Lincoln’s deathbed on the rainy Saturday morning of April 15, 1865. “Now he belongs to the ages,” Stanton is supposed to have said, soon after his friend stopped breathing.
also this Pemberton print for Washington where a woman in blue weeps over his death in front of a giant obelisk in a completely unsubtle cribbing of the Virgin mourning christ
can you plz plz plz explain that tweet about hasidic jews? and your tag "#just shake the asparagus and smell the lemon just go with it" i am sooo christian and soooo confused! much luv man. xx
OH MY GOD I’M CRYING WITH LAUGHTER OKAY this one?
So the fact that a non jew wouldn’t get it is kind of the joke don’t feel bad! We grow up around it our whole lives so we never really realize exactly how weird our traditions are until we have to interact with other people. Right now, we’re celebrating the jewish holiday of Sukkot, which is basically our fall celebration of the beginning of the agricultural season in Israel (because it’s a massive slice of desert so it’s a pretty big deal). The bEST part of it is that we have to build what’s called a Sukkah- which is kind of like a GIANT FUCKING WOODEN FORT IT’S SO COOL with thatched roofs to see the stars through, and after the religious days have passed we’re supposed to decorate it, hang out, eat sleep and party in it! It has a lot of religious significance pertaining to dependence on god and the earth and the Exodus, in a secular way, and in the way I was raised as well, it’s a mitzvah to invite people in to celebrate with you! Jewish or not! Like the story of Abraham and the Angels.
What that tweet is referring to though is the lulav and the etrog, and that’s where things get HILARIOUS.
SO the lulav isn’t asparagus and the etrog isn’t a lemon. An etrog is a a sweet smelling citron that represents the heart because it’s most commonly found in Israel and Palestine and other significant MENA areas that many Jews are native to. Anyway the funny thing is that an etrog has to be kosher certified and meet to certain aesthetic and storing standards AND WE DON’T EVEN GET TO EAT IT DURING THE HOLIDAY. It’s sort of like a status symbol too like the family who can get the nicest, biggest etrog has something to really brag about. What we’re meant to do is entwine it with the lulav, a collection of a palm frond, myrtle, and willow, hold it in our right hands, and then… i’m not kidding.. shake it. You shake it north south east west up and down while saying the prayers to bring in blessings from every corner of the earth, especially rain. it’s basically a jewish rain dance but hey we’re the only people who have ever been able to grow tomatoes in the Negev so maybe it works. It also represents Jewish unity and unity with G-d and the world around you, so it’s an incredibly fulfilling thing to do. So back to that tweet, it’s really funny and endearing to think of a Hasidic man standing on the street with a lulav just trying to make some pals and give people the opportunity to participate with no concept of how insane we look to other people. Tbh he probably doesn’t care because it’s a rad holiday and I love it very much.
This has been your friendly jewish history lesson of the day
So I’ve recently written a lot of posts that talk about James Rhodes, aka War Machine, aka the only person in the world who put up with Tony Stark for decades. I thought it might be useful if I link them all in one place. So….
This
is a blog that I repost every year, because it is something that is, for
obvious reasons, very important to me to educate and inform people
about. Since posting about my experience with an ectopic pregnancy and
talking about it, several women have told me that knowing the
symptoms was what got them to the hospital in time. Please read it.
Please tell others about it.
As always, this hurts to think about. My heart goes
out to anyone who may be struggling with fertility issues or loss. You
are not alone. I wish you peace and joy in the life that you have, even
if it is not the life you’d imagined for yourself, and I wish you all
the strength and support you need to find that peace and joy. (And I
also want you to know it’s okay to not be okay now, and it’s okay to not
be okay sometimes even after you are okay.)
First and foremost, I’m glad I’m not dead.
Seriously. I’m really, really glad
I’m not dead. That would have sucked. And, thanks to the fact that I
recognized warning symptoms and had some emergency surgery seven years
ago today, I get to be alive to appreciate being alive. I’m a big fan.
So
in honor of my not-dying anniversary, I’m doing a PSA about ectopic
pregnancy. Even if you never plan on having children, these are
important symptoms to know because you could very well save the life of
someone you love. Or your own. (Unless you do not have female reproductive organs, in which case your
risk of ectopic pregnancy = non-existent. Still, you like people who do,
right?)
An ectopic pregnancy is a pregnancy in which a fertilized
egg implants somewhere other than the uterus. This is a bad thing.
Usually the egg implants in the fallopian tube; occasionally it implants
other places. 2% of all pregnancies are ectopic. That’s 1 in 50.
Certain factors increase your risks–tubal scarring, abdominal surgery,
endometriosis, fertility treatments, IUDs–but it can happen to anyone. I
had no real risk factors.
An even scarier statistic than the one-in-fifty? Ectopic pregnancies are the number one cause of pregnancy-related death.
Part of the problem is that many women with ectopic pregnancies don’t
even know they’re pregnant. Because your body doesn’t produce as many
hormones, you might continue having periods like normal, ignore the
sudden pain, go to bed because you’re feeling tired and dizzy, and never
wake up.
I know that sounds terrible and scary. It is. It
happens. So even if you don’t think you’re pregnant, or if you think you
are just having a standard miscarriage (which was what I thought),
always, ALWAYS call the doctor if you have any of the following
symptoms:
Sharp
pain on one side of your lower abdomen. When you press down on it, it
will be a stabbing pain that you will feel reflected in the other side,
but one side will be more tender. Once your tube actually bursts the
pain will lessen considerably–DO NOT IGNORE THAT. All it means is that
you are now bleeding internally.
Feeling
dizzy and lightheaded when you aren’t lying down. This would be because
of the internal bleeding. Also, difficulty and discomfort breathing.
And
finally, the key symptom: when you lie down, you have a sharp, stabbing
pain in your shoulder. This is called referred pain, and is caused by
the blood filling up your abdomen and pushing on your lungs. (This is
also a symptom of a burst appendix and often happens after abdominal
surgery, in case you were interested.) If you EVER have abdominal pain
that is reflected in your shoulder when you lie down, go to the hospital
immediately. And have someone else drive you.
Like I said, you may not think you are pregnant, but if there is any
chance whatsoever you could be and you have these symptoms, have someone
drive you to the hospital immediately or call 911. If I had ignored my
symptoms and let my husband go to work that day, I probably would have fallen asleep on the couch and never woken up again. I
was in surgery within two or three hours of the pain starting, and at
that point I had lost so much blood I nearly needed a transfusion.
But,
because I am obsessive and had researched every pregnancy-related topic
under the sun, I knew something was wrong. And I’m not dead. And that’s
a good thing.
Here’s hoping you never have to recognize the symptoms of an ectopic pregnancy. But now you can, and that’s the important thing.
This year’s side note: The fact that ectopic, fallopian, and endometriosis are all unrecognized by spellcheck pisses me off. Women’s health matters. Our bodies matter, even though they are consistently given less medical attention and education than they deserve. That’s part of why I do this.
If you have a uterus and you’re having sex with a sperm-producing person, this could happen to you. Know the signs to watch for, especially since you may not even know you’re pregnant.
So, here is the thing. I don’t believe that Parker has a plan M. She doesn’t have a plan C, an NOPQ. Parker has her plans, and yeah, they’re basically labeled the same as Nate’s were, but there’s not a single one in which Hardison dies.
But here is the other thing, and that is: Parker has contingency plans and backup plans and backup plans for her backup plans for her backup plans, but she doesn’t have a plan B. Or a plan F through L. There’s no Z, or A prime, or anything that allows for Eliot dying. And there is, especially, no plan where Eliot dies so that Hardison lives. I just don’t buy it.
Once Parker discovered what family – real family – is, she grabbed onto it with both hands and will never, ever let go. They’d have to pry it out of her dead, bloody fists before she’d let it go, and that doesn’t only include Hardison. Her family’s not one person big. Eliot is not somehow less than because they’re not fucking him (yet), or because Hardison came first, or because Eliot’d understand being sacrificed.
(Eliot just assumes that there’s a whole bevy of plans where he dies for them, where his dying day comes so long before theirs he’s barely a blip on their radar. Eliot is wrong.)
There’s no plan where people die, because Parker is not Nate v2.0. Parker is not playing a giant game of chess, where what’s most important – important beyond everything else by far – is the win. Parker is better because she knows when to lose. She knows when to walk away and try again some other time, when to fold and let down the people they’re trying to help because nothing, nothing, is as important as keeping her family alive and with her.
And, you know, maybe that actually makes her worse than Nate. Maybe it means that they’re doing less good, now that it’s her in charge, because she can’t bring herself to look at Eliot, to look at Hardison, and think “tomorrow you might not be here”. But she also can’t bring herself to care.
So, yeah, I just can’t buy Parker as Nate v2.0, or Nate Lite. I can’t buy her being willing to lose anyone. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
incidentally, this is still the single most hilarious anecdote re: apollo astronauts i have come across
Apollo 13 was halfway to the moon before Swigert realized he had not flied his income taxes and that he would be quite unable to do so before the April 15 deadline. The subject came up as scientist-astronaut Joe Kerwin was reading the Sunday morning news: “Today’s favorite pastime across the nation—Uh oh, have you guys completed your income tax?”
Swigert radioed, “How do I apply for an extension?” Mission control exploded with laughter. “It ain’t too funny, things happened real fast down there and I do need an extension. I’m really serious…”
“You’re breaking up the room down here,” Kerwin said. A few minutes later he assured Swigert that there wouldn’t be any problem: an automatic extension is granted to anyone who is out of the country at tax time.
There’s something about Sense8 that you will only notice if you are actually familiar with all/most of the original languages that should be used and that’s the way the narrative is written is completely based in the original language. I have seen a couple of post about how Lito or Sun’s dialogues were weird or too artificial and that’s because it’s a direct translation of their natural speech.
It’s probably less strong in Lito because he lives in a world of Soap Operas, he lives and breath dramatic characters so his character is overdramatic and fake (something he totally owns and accepts) but when you listen to Sun, especially pre-jail Sun, you can see that her English is a direct translation of her Korean. The way the sentences are constructed, the emphasis and tone… she is not a Korean woman living an American life, she is a Korean woman living a Korean life in Seoul with the not-so-uncommon problems in the Korean chaebol sector. If you know a lil bit of Korean you are able to translate every single one of her sentences to Korean and they look authentic, the same way Lito’s sentences half the time would work way better in Spanish that they do in English.
(Edit:several rebloggers have confirmed that, indeed, Wolfgang also talks a translated German, which only confirms the theory. All of this also explains the fact that every single actor comes with their original accent, they don’t try to mimic American/British accent but they have kept the accent they would have if they were talking in their original language and we were only listening to their English because we are connected with the Sensates. Sense8 tries to turn the viewer into another Sensate, in some sort of Jonas. I would very much appreciate if someone can shed some light about the Swahili and the Hindi, though)
(Edit2: Thanks to r-ed we have confirmation that Kala’s English is also a translation from the original Hindi. As it happens with Korean, and probably Swahili too, these languages’ structure are pretty different from English, while German and Spanish have more similarities structure-wise) so the translation has been enriched to be understandable, but the basis of the Hindi language as well the accent has been respected. As I commented on an earlier post, the writers have understood that language/accent is part of the characters, but adapting their language to English they would have erased this side of them that is as important as their cultural inheritance, so it’s important that they only translated the language into a more understandable language, considering they interact with each other in a mental wave length, making it possible for each one to understand the other without the need to use the same physical language).
Michael, Lana and Andy have done an amazing research work and even though I’d be forever happy to see them talk more in their own languages I am so satisfied with the way the have handled the language issue.
I have a story to relay for you, Tumblr. About life, about perseverance, about sticking it to the man, and about super cool secret passageways.
In the late 70s/early 80s, Illinois State built a brand new dorm building where the rooms all had two closets, one on each side wall. But because they built the dorm on the cheap, the backs of the closets didn’t have real walls, only thin pieces of pressboard. That was all that was separated one dorm room from the next.
Once students figured this out, they cut big holes in the pressboard so that you could get to the adjoining dorm room by opening the closet door and scooting through the hole in the back wall.
They did this in room after room, until they had effectively built a huge secret passageway connecting every single dorm room on the floor.
The creation of this secret passageway led, almost immediately, to a culture of endless, enormous, authority-proof dorm parties. As soon as anybody knocked on the door or the party room, everybody could bail through the closets and be seven doors down the hall by the time the R.A. or campus security were let in. Or they would keep all the alcohol and what-not in one room, and have all the people in the next. So even when the R.A.s KNEW there was a ginormous party happening, they couldn’t do jack shit about it. It was total non-stop chaos.
Some of the bigger hooligans would commit all manner of mischief on campus, and then high-tail to this dorm building, knowing that once they were safely inside any room, there was no way the cops could ever find them.
Every summer, the school would replace the ripped out pressboard with sturdier and sturdier material. But students just got stronger saws, and kept rebuilding the secret passageways, year after year.
Eventually, only a few years after they built it, the school gave up and tore the whole building down.
Multiple gynos refused me an IUD because “oh, it hurts so much to put in when you’ve had kids! We don’t want to put you in pain!!”
I was at a 7-9 on the pain scale regularly for my periods, and the docs were determined to make me run the gauntlet.
“But what about the pill?”
“Symptom-swap.”
“Have you thought about depo?”
“Mood drop.”
“And the patch?”
“Family history of breaking out in rashes.”
“Well, what about the nuva ring?”
“How will that NOT give me the same symptom-swap issues?”
“…”
“Look, I’m in pain so bad I wake up in the middle of the night. I’m in pain so bad I didn’t know I had appendecitis. I need SOMETHING.”
“Have you tried an ibuprofen protocol?”
“YES.”
“There are yoga poses that help with cramping.”
“I can’t uncurl from the ball of pain I’m in. How the hell am I supposed to hold position?”
“Well, how much caffeine do you drink? That could be a factor.”
“I have three cups of coffee a day and drink lots of water.”
And so on.
Then, one day, I made an appointment and went to Planned Parenthood.
“Yeah. Hi. I have incredibly painful periods that are fucking crippling me, and I need an IUD.”
“Okay. Do you have a chart of your periods I can look at?”
“Yup.”
“Okay. Looks like you have regular, heavy periods where the pain is worsening. Is that right?”
“Yup. And the fatigue. And the mood swings. And all of it.”
“Fatigue and mood swings, too?”
“Yup.”
“…is there any history of endometriosis in your family?”
“Yup. I’ve never been diagnosed, though. They say it takes a biopsy.”
“The biopsy can confirm tissue, but if you don’t have excess tissue, it doesn’t really help. You can have endo without excess tissue.”
“Okay. So, what are my options?”
“I suggest Mirena. Paraguard can make period symptoms worse even though it’s got no hormones while Mirena has a low-dose hormone that should help with all your pain and other issues. Here’s all the info on both of them. Here are models of both of them. Why don’t you take everything with you, read through it, then call if you have any questions? We can go ahead and schedule for insertion before you leave, and you can just call and say which type you want after you’ve read up. Is that okay?”
“…Yeah. That’s. That’s fine.”
“Do you have any questions right now?”
“Um, I got told a bunch I shouldn’t get an IUD because the insertion will hurt too much because I haven’t had kids.”
“Looking at the pain you’re usually in, I think you can handle it. It will definitely hurt, but it should only last about twenty seconds.”
“Twenty seconds?”
“Yes.”
“I’ve been refused the best option for dealing with my symptoms because of TWENTY SECONDS?!”
“Sadly, we hear that a lot.”
Planned Parenthood treated me like a PERSON who was in pain, not a walking uterus bitching and moaning about womanly things. Planned Parenthood showed me respect and kindness and respected the knowledge I brought of my own medical history to the conversation. Planned Parenthood respected my autonomy where other doctors rarely had and paid attention when I explained why I felt the IUD was the best choice. Planned Parenthood showed me I mattered, and I want to show how much they matter to me.
i hate when people are like “only dogs can give u love and affection cats are cold and elusive” like okay dog person if you had ever actually owned a cat you would know they are the neediest fucking creatures on the planet
cats will literally sit on your head until you pay attention to them
That proves the point, they want attention, they want you to pay attention to them not them!
cats show affection and love in their own way
for example
actually holding eye contact with you and blinking slowly is how cats ‘kiss’
cats choose to sleep or sit next to you even if you’re busy when they have a million other places to be because they like your company
they consider positive attention love
when they ‘headbutt’ you it’s called ‘bunting’ and it’s how they show affection
when they knead you it’s because they feel comforted
they think of you petting them as grooming- it makes them feel good so they will ask for you to pet them (or demand) especially if they’re feeling sad
cats like to step on you because they mark you with their scent from their little feet telling other cats BACK THE FUCK OFF THIS HUMAN IS MINE
cats will lick you or groom you because they want you to be clean and happy
they bring you dead things because they don’t want you to starve
cats think of humans as parents whereas dogs think of humans as the alpha dog
ok but if youre gonna support the idea of removing negative people and ending relationships that one no longer benefits from, you must also be willing and open to understanding why someone may do just that to you
I suspect this post is predicated on the assumption that most people who advocate ending negative relationships are naive, or hypocrites. I think the OP might have this preconceived notion that “people wouldn’t recommend doing this if they truly understood the consequences.”
The thing is that everyone has their own list of compromises they’re willing to make vs. consequences they’re willing to put up with. Some people would rather compromise more, so they can avoid negative consequences. Some people would rather face more negative consequences, so they can avoid having to compromise.
Everyone has a different conception of “acceptable compromises” vs. “acceptable consequences” and everyone thinks that their conception is universal, and that anyone who claims otherwise is naive, or hypocritical.
Take for example someone saying “I did everything I could.”
They might mean “I did everything I could short of compromising my personal morals”
They might mean “I did everything I could, including things generally deemed immoral.”
They might mean, “I did everything I could without damaging my mental and/or physical health.”
They might mean, “I did everything I could including damaging my mental and/or physical health.”
They might mean, “I did everything I could within what I consider an acceptable level of risk.”
They might mean, “I did things that could have killed me and/or others.”
They might mean, “I did slightly more than what I would usually do.”
And here’s the thing — whatever they did mean, they’re going to assume most people mean the same thing. Everyone naturally assumes that their line in the sand is the standard line in the sand.
[…]
Or as George Carlin once said, “everybody who drives slower than you is an idiot, and everybody who drives faster than you is a maniac.”
Now me? I’m not going to stay friends with someone out of fear of loneliness, misplaced loyalty, habit, or because I think I can change them. I would rather lose a friendship than have someone stay friends with me for these reasons. I can say that with authority, because I’ve been on both sides of that scenario.
These are valid points; for me, personally, however, I reblogged the post because I found it to be a bit of an interesting mental exercise. This is coming from the position of fully believing in [and practicing] cutting ties with people/relationships once they become a drain and/or source of toxicity as opposed to a fulfilling addition to my life.
That being said, I do think it is absolutely important to take a moment to realize and consider and internalize that other people can and will do this to you for exactly those reasons–not in the sense that it should discourage you from doing so, but in the sense that you should use that self-awareness to understand their reasons, their needs, and their motivations; that is to say, instead of becoming angry or resentful over it [although it’s generally somewhat unavoidable; no one likes feeling like a burden and no one likes being cut out of someone else’s social circle, and feelings aren’t usually super rational anyway even if you can logically process the reasons behind something], to understand where that other person was/is coming from and either a/ not take it [too] personally and/or b/ modify your behaviour in current/future relationships [in the case of you being a drain or toxic presence on another person’s life].
So yes, I think it’s important to take a moment every so often to apply the rules and standards you have to your own life and choices to the behaviours and actions of other people. I, personally at least, can occasionally get sucked into a slight unconscious solipsism in that sense, and reminding myself of these things is helpful, and I’m of the opinion that it’s helpful for other people to do so as well.
