Honestly in the afterlife rn ghost Alexander Hamilton has probably put a framed photo of Lin-Manuel up and everytime they have their ghost friends over he’s just like “You see this man? He’s a good man. A true America hero.”
“villain attempts to go back in time to kill superman as a small child, gets shot in the face by ma kent, who buries him behind the barn with the others” would probably have niche appeal as a comic but i don’t care, i want it
The first time a man from the future showed up at Martha Kent’s house, Clark Kent was two years old.
According to his birth certificate, anyway. She just kind of accepted that the details were a little fudged. Relativity, and all.
Maybe the stranger would have succeeded in whatever it was he wanted to do, except that he really did just show up. Appeared, like a ghost made flesh, right in the backyard. Clark, thank goodness, was out in the fields with Jonathan. He couldn’t bear to be alone, that boy, and they could never bear to leave him.
Which left Martha free to shoot the ghostly intruder in the face.
Martha had not always considered herself a shoot first, ask questions later sort of a person. But that was before she found a baby in a spaceship where her corn was supposed to be.
They’d switch off, Jonathan and her, who got Clark and who got the shotgun. Martha got the shotgun more often than not. Guns made her husband uncomfortable. She was hardly a fan, but she’d always been a terrible pacifist. Too determined to defend herself.
The sight of all that blood and brain and bone was still nauseating. She compartmentalized, told herself it was no different from slaughtering a cow; didn’t think about riot gear or tear gas or the friends she’d lost or all the things she’d moved away from when her heart couldn’t take it any longer. This was different. This was her son.
She prodded the corpse with her foot. It remained a corpse. A real nasty looking corpse, all big and burly and holding a gun much too large. She didn’t like making assumptions based on appearances, but she didn’t imagine he’d been coming for anything nice. She bent down to search his pockets, found a metal wallet and flipped it open.
Born 2018.
Well, hell. Wasn’t that just a kick in the pants?
Probably she ought to have been a bit more unsettled than she was. But she’d been waiting two years for someone to show up on her doorstep, men in black or UFOs or something. Hell, she’d half expected her sweet little boy to hatch into something worse.
Just because she brought home space babies didn’t mean she was a damn fool.
Jonathan had rejoined her in long strides, was holding Clark in such a way that he couldn’t see the corpse on the ground. “Well, shit,” he said.
“Eyup,” Martha agreed.
“Don’t look government.”
“Nope.”
“We burying him?”
“I’ll bury him,” Martha said, standing up. “You get Clark inside and read him a book or something. I don’t want him seeing any of this, getting him messed up in the head.”
“You sure? Looks heavy.”
“That’s why we have a wheelbarrow. I’ll stick him out behind the barn, might as well keep all our secrets in one place.”
Martha had a long time to think as she dug a time traveler’s grave. There were a lot of reasons someone might travel back in time trying to kill her kid. The first was her instinct as a mother, which was: he was a fucking asshole. Who killed a kid? Fucking assholes, that was who.
Now, it was also possible that her sweet little boy grew up to be some kind of space Hitler. She didn’t think she’d raise that kind of a kid, but she didn’t suppose there was any parent who set out to raise a Hitler.
Still didn’t sit right with her. She didn’t much like the idea of killing baby Hitler, either.
okay I know that there are terrible terrible people out there but listen
I also know that there are people who stop and smile at tiny plants growing out of sidewalk cracks, people who laugh so loud they snort, people who compliment others randomly, people who take pictures of their friends because they love seeing their friends happy, people who ramble about things that they’re passionate about, people who blush and stutter, people who are kind, people who are warm, people who love and love and love and love.
also, i want to apologize to people whose messages were ever ignored by me or took me ages to reply to. i have no excuses, i’m just shit at communicating and a lot of time get stuck in my own head, postpone replying and then either forget about it or think that it is too late to reply. i’m sorry if i’ve ever made someone feel bad bc of this - honestly, it’s never personal, it’s just me and my inner problems. i will try harder to work on it. thank you for ever initiating conversations with me ♥
vaginal hygiene & health - an introductory crash course
pass this on to spread knowledge whether you have one or not, #save-a-coochie
- the vagina is the tubular ‘internal’ sex organ that some people have. - the ‘vulva’ is the set of external sex organs that people with vaginas have. it includes (but not only):
pubic mound
labia minora and majora (inner/outer ‘lips’)
clitoris and clitoral hood
vulval vestibule (found in between your labia minora)
urethra (where you urinate from)
vaginal opening
-vaginas naturally contain a balance of different bacterias. this bacteria protects the vagina from external bacteria and fungus, provides natural disinfectants and maintains a healthy vaginal pH of 3.5-4.5.
-vaginal pH varies from person to person, day to day, depending on your cycle, your diet and many other external factors,
-all vaginas have a scent. all of them. no two people smell exactly the same, and you shouldn’t expect your vagina (or anyone else’s) to smell fruity or floral.
- if your worried about your scent, you can place perfume or an essential oil to an area around your vulva but not on it. some places like between your thighs or on your lower stomach, for example,
-your body secretes natural fluids called discharge. discharge is how your vagina self cleanses. it is completely normal and vital to healthy vaginal function.
-discharge can vary in amount, color, texture and scent depending on your cycle. each person is different. if your discharge is unusual or abnormal to you and your unique body - visit a doctor if possible.
-abnormal discharge can be green, grey, very yellow, smelly, itchy, chunky, etc.
-abundant discharge can be annoying. you can remove excess discharge in your shower by inserting one clean finger into your vagina, moving it from one side to another and ‘scooping’ the discharge out. repeat as needed. this reduces the amount of discharge found on your panties and in turn, reduces vaginal scent.
- dead skin cells and oil can build up between your clitoris and your clitoral hood, so it’s important to lift your hood up and rinse thoroughly so it doesnt harden.
-washing your “external” vulvar areas such as your public mound and outer lips is okay, though some may find skin here more sensitive.
-don’t douche. you may think it helps but it only masks any problems while causing more. douching throws of your flora, alters your PH and forces bacteria into your cervix.
-water and a soft, clean wash cloth is all you need to clean your vulvar areas that contain a mucous membrane. you do not need to wash these areas. applying soaps or cleaners to these areas removes of natural necessary lubricants and bacteria. this may cause irritation, inflammation, major discomfort and dryness. some amount of moistness should always be present.
-a vast majority of vaginal washes, even those touted as hypoallergenic, still contain dyes and fragrances which are known irritants. read the label.
-while Summer’s eve is a lesser of evils with a PH of 3.0 - 3.5 (still not quite correct), it is still a cleanser. vaginal washes are used to cleanse “bad” bacteria from your vulva. they also wash away the “good” bacteria needed to maintain a healthy balance.
-castile soaps (like Dr. Bronner’s) has a pH of about 8.9. these are not suggested.
-never insert any cleansing agents into your vagina.
-the information above applies to any gels, deodorants, perfumed products and wipes, too. these can all disturb your natural balance.
-while they still pose a possible risk of irritation, unscented baby wipes are the lesser of evils regarding “freshening up”.
-pay attention to your irritants and triggers. different people, different reactions
-everyone has different stances and different methods that work for them. if you aren’t experiencing vaginal discomfort or odd changes, you don’t have to discontinue certain product use. i do, however, recommend a trial period of leaving these products alone due to their effects on your vagina.
-allow your vagina to breathe. keep too-tight clothing to a minimum. cotton panties are the best option next to not wearing any at all. rotate the washcloth and towels you use to clean and dry your vagina.
-urinating after masturbation or sex reduces the amount of bacteria in your urethra wiping ‘front to back’ keeps rectal bacterial away from your vagina.
-naturally, food alters your vagina. balancing your diet in general and including things like pineapples, strawberries, yogurt, soy (the list goes on!) can influence your pH.
-beverages like water, cranberry juice and pineapple juice are also proven to improve vaginal health, and may even improve taste.
-adding a probiotic supplement can increase the amount of “good” bacteria called lactobacillus-your vagina.
-the less ideal your vaginal balance/pH is, the more vulnerable you are to infections and STDs.
-when it comes to internet home remedies, your mileage my vary. try everything with caution and research thoroughly.
cheers! your vagina will thank you.
Please don’t be an immature 12 year old and be like “ew that’s about a vagina I’m not reblogging that that’s gross!” It is literally a body part It needs to be kept healthy People with vaginas need to understand how to keep them healthy Just reblog
what the fuck dude this is awesome i want this too now
Okay, but what about those deep sea fish that produce light at a wavelength that *only they can see.* Predators that can somehow sense you in a completely undectable and unfathomable manner to you; they might as well be psychic.
YES, EXACTLY–vision is SUCH an asspull?? Sometimes it’s “"dark”“ and we can’t see anything. And also we’re impaired for plot reasons! Sometimes ALIEN WEAPONRY or otherwise-innocuous ship components are ”“too bright”“ and we yell and try to hide, subject to some sort of obscure, tortuous imperative. The rest of the time we can UNERRINGLY tell when anyone is trying to play pranks on us, the names and emotional/physical status of EVERY SINGLE BEING IN THE ROOM (or, when outside civilized warrens, ”“line of sight”“)–and yes, of course, can’t forget about our nigh-mythical fighting arts revolving around insane dodging skills.
And SNIPING. And also, god, fuck–don’t forget about completely arbitrary “”””atmospheric disturbances””” (fog, smoke–the new “ionic interference”) ALSO plottasatically rendering our abilities moot.
Plus, some people have more powerful Vision than others, but some people have a very short effective range of Vision. However, humans have come up with devices that “change the angles of refraction” of the “light” so that the naturally impaired have their skills enhanced–but they can always be knocked off their faces or be broken.
Also some people are terrible at normal Vision work, but have excellent night vision and are skilled at working under adverse conditions.
Oooh, and human art is almost entirely Vision based. Think about non-seeing aliens trying to access the majority of human art!
IM!!! SCREAMING!!! GLASSES. Glasses are SUCH another great Weird Alien Gimmick. God–you get all used to your Human friend and their bizarre abilities, you just start to really trust in and rely on them in tight places and problem-solving a little bit, then you get fucken marooned on a fucken planetoid somewhere and they just in this very small little voice, after you have pulled them from the wreckage and sat down to go over your options, inform you that they’ve lost their glasses.
Oh my god and an episode where we’re up against Evil Humans and our heros turn to their humans like ‘you can see them, right, you can tell when they’re near? you can counter them?’ and our hero is genuinely shaken and worried— they’ve got high-tech military mechanical enhancers, the devices strapped to their heads let them see anywhere, they can operate in near-absolute ‘darkness’, they can operate in near-lethal ‘brightness’, they can see through walls— not doors, not glass, but walls.
Then we have a heroic scene where the crew’s human is the scrappy, desperate underdog for once instead of the cool and collected superbeing. It is super cool. The human and the captain probably mack wildly on one another in medbay after this. Roll credits.
Person 1: I dunno, dude. This ‘light’ stuff sounds like a bunch of mumbo jumbo to me. I mean, how do we know it’s even real?
Person 2: Seriously, how can something be a wave and a particle? That doesn’t even make sense.
Mysterious Human: Even if you cannot perceive the light, you can feel its warmth–
Person 1: Oh my god, please shut it with the mystical hoo-hah. You’re insufferable.
Mysterious, somewhat exasperated Human: the ‘light’ enters the sensitive paired apertures in our faces, passing through biological lenses and chambers to stimulate specific nerves we call ‘rods’ and ‘cones’. one set of nerves tells us the volume of light we’re perceiving, while the other estimates the wavelength frequency. the total input creates in our mind a continuous sonarscape of immense complexity, where we can perceive ‘textures’ that are impossible to understand with mere sound or touch. this is why my people’s communication devices are small, flat, silent boards: we ‘read’ the patterns of light they emit as language and ‘watch’ the patterns of light they emit as sonarscapes.
Captain: okay…. sounds fake, but okay…
And they just keep on making up new bullshit rules for how light works, like
Navigator: Warp drive engaged. We are approaching 90% of the Lorentz limit.
Human: What now?
Navigator: Oh, uh, it’s really complex, but lemme try. So, matter can only move so fast through space, right? Like absolutely, nothing can ever ever possibly go faster than like about 3 hundred million meters per second–
Human: Ah yes. The speed of light.
Navigator: …oh for fuck’s sake.
Captain: My god! Time! Has… frozen!
Human: Fuuuuuuuuck.
Captain: What?
Human: Remember how light is a wave and a particle?
Captain: Yes, we mention this every episode.
Human: Yeah, light’s frozen along with everything else. I can’t see shit.
Captain: My god! Our sonar doesn’t work either! The soundwaves— they can’t propagate through this frozen air! We’ll have to use just our whiskers!
Human: Fuuuuuuuuck.
The fanfiction for this show has to be amazing.
“Shh. Don’t try to hide your needs, Captain,” Hue Mann soothed. “My sight has told me all about your traumatic memories of the war.”
“What?” Captain gasped. “But…how…?”
“The light knows all,” explained Hue. “Time slows down at the speed of light. It sees all of the past..and all of the future.”
“And what is it telling you now?” questioned the Captain.
Hue leaned in close. “It tells me, ‘Mate with them now, you lovestruck fool!”
“Damn you, Hue Mann. Damn you and your penetrating ‘eyes.’”
“Oh,” breathed Hue, voice husky and sexual. “That’s not all my eyes can…penetrate.”
goddamn, you people amaze me.
I love the idea that the protag species has telepathy as ‘boring normal standard’ senses and they can’t understand why human thoughts seems so strange, fragmented, occasionally blank… until they realise that a great of human thought is ‘visual’ and so can’t be heard…
“Lori, what do your Human eyes see?”
“Coupla billboards, and it looks like it might rain.”
This keeps getting better
This is so cute. Your human crewmember is getting a crush on another human. Time to observe the humans’ weird yet endearing courtship rituals.
“Tell me all about them! What do you like about them?”
“Well, they have these amazing eyes…”
“Yeah? Better at the the wavemapping thing than yours?”
“…I don’t know how good their eyes are at seeing. They’re just this beautiful shade of brown.”
“Wait. You wavemap each other’s wavemapping organs? And have opinions about what nice frequencies they refract the waves at?”
“Yes? What’s so strange about this?”
“I thought your ‘vision’ was passive. Do you listen to each other’s ears too? And like the smell of each other’s noses?”
“Like you’ve never touched someone’s whiskers with your whiskers.”
So my blood kin family is messed up. In a way, I’ve often wondered “if only my family were addicted to something, I could blame the substance for the way they treat the people they’re related to, but no, this is just how they act. All the time. To people they’ve allegedly pledged affection and allegience to.” So, fucked up family, but I have learned over the years that there are lots of us who come from fucked up families, like we have jackets and could actually form our own country of survivors of fucked up families. Anyway, the way my blood kin deals with family members who buck the system is they metaphorically set them on fire and toss them overboard into the icy cold wilderness to let them sort themselves out alone. I was the first that said “fuck this” and flip over their own board game of “just how much can I make you twitch.” Yeah, I spent many years with the smell of my charred life lingering in my nostrils and making my eyes itch. But then, over the following years, there were other members of the family who were similarly burned and, because I would not go quietly into that dark smoky night, I became known as the “Burn Ward.” I’m proud of that. One of my beloved members of our Burn Ward was charred crisp, fiercely, and nearly gave up any reason to live when they came out. I love them and feel so fiercely proud of them and the one sibling - their parent - who stood by them and held them close, even when the flames consumed them both. Four years later, they both live their lives, speak honest words, and can share in love that they had been too broken to express. I am so proud of them. So fucking proud of them. And I want to shout into the darkness “You shall not overcome us!”
THIS IS MY MOM GUYS.
SHE’S THE BEST GUYS.
LOVE HER.
ALSO SHE GIVES GREAT ADVICE FOR DEALING WITH TERRIBLE PEOPLE. SO HIT HER UP.
Yes, Plan B is less effective at higher BMI’s, but please, for the love of God stop saying it’s not effective at all, because all you do is make people decide they may as well not use anything when it does still lower the chances of conception.
It is less effective, not ineffective. It is better than nothing if it’s the only thing you have access to at that moment.
my favorite part of the “are you giving me attitude, spock” scene is that i imagine the starfleet brass was like “kirk has spock as first officer? good, maybe spock will rub off on him” and their simultaneous and dawning horror that the exact opposite has happened
Top 5 headcanons, preferably Stevebucky related but really any marvel ones actually :)
1. Steven Grant “Old Man” Rogers (“Well golly gee,” he bitches, deadpan)
2. Steve & Nat having to share warmth on some kind of cold weather mission (please take a moment to picture Tasha curled up and huddled in his huge man arms because they’re best friends I’m dying)
3. Actual New Yorker Steve Rogers. Occasional rage when driving an actual car. Yelling at cabs when they almost run him over and/or splash water in his direction. (“WHADDAYA DOIN, HUH? JESUS!”) Pastrami on rye. If the cheesecake isn’t six inches tall it isn’t a goddamn cheesecake. Balking at Chicago style pizza, which he actually may not have known about, considering it was first made when he was at war. Super nice to tourists. Super disgusted when Stark plans a weekend at the Shore. And finally, Food Trucks: The Autobiography Of an American Hero.
4. Steve actually acting his age, re: sitting somewhere bored with his chin propped on his hand and messing with filters on insta, one shameful post-gym selfie at a time. Sometimes he ends up slouched in a chair, texting, oblivious to everything else. On this note, Steve fitting in DISTURBINGLY WELL with the current population of like 60% of Brooklyn, that is to say, hipster humanities majors
5. Steve Rogers actually speaking the way an asshole kid raised in Brooklyn in the early/mid 20th century who then graduated to the Army would speak (stubbing his toe getting food in the middle of the night, like, “Jesus motherfucking Christ, fuck me, fuck”)
6. For that matter, Bucky talking that way (“What the fuck is this?” he demands, staring horrorstruck at the deep dish pizza in front of him. “What the shit is this, asshole?”)
There are going to be ten, I’m sorry
7. Natasha paints her toenails purple and her feet are always cold and every time she’s on the couch w/Clint she shoves her feet under his thighs
8. Steve listens to Turn Down For What literally a disturbing amount of times a day
9. Bucky missed Sinatra by one year and promptly falls head over heels for his voice in a totally no homo way and plays his music nonstop and hums it when he’s in the field
10. My absolute favorite headcanon, mostly because it’s 100% going to BE canon, is that everyone just thinks Steve and Bucky are incredibly fucking weird. And it’s not really because of the trauma or the fact that they’re collectively over 200 years old or any of that. It’s the fact that they’re fucking weird. Sometimes they just stare at each other. They literally just stare at each other, for like, hours. Sometimes Steve has to look away dramatically and blink back man tears. Are they telepathic? Is that it? Sam doesn’t have time for this. And they’re weirdly violent for each other. It’s creepy. Tony wonders what they get each other for holidays, and then decides to stop thinking about it. It’s probably the still-beating hearts of Hydra operatives.
Aragorn the reluctant and faintly embarrassed best man at Legolas and Gimli’s wedding.
Aragorn with his face in his hands as they get their serious mack on after the culturally-appropriate “you man now kiss the husband” bit, mumbling to himself in shell-shocked terror “the things I saw on the road…”
Gimli and Legolas participating in an epic cake-eating competition while Aragorn passes out back-up cake for the guests and explains: “I expected this.”
Aragorn having to give a best man speech for both Legolas and Gimli. Both sides of the family arguing loudly over which speech should be given first. The Elves eventually agree to go last because they have greater patience than the short-lived dwarves. The dwarves take grievous insult to this. Aragorn trying to explain how Legolas was like a brother to him and Gimli is a fine warrior. Aragorn being unable to get through either speech thanks to Legolas and Gimli loudly heckling each other’s speeches.
A couple dishonored dead ghosts show up just to see this most insane and greatest party ever thrown. Aragorn standing to the side of the dance floor while the dishonored dead try to lasso him in to dance with them. “You are free. I released you. Please. Go. Go now.”
Aragorn with his head on the table while Eowyn and Faramir giggle in a corner together and be super lovey-dovey at the wedding. Aragorn getting a headache from all the hitting himself in the face when Eowyn catches the bouquet (Gimli threw it) because she SLIDE TACKLED another female guest to get it and most of the lady guests new better than to challenge of shieldmaiden of Rohan for the damn bouquet anyway. Aragorn having to console a drunk Faramir that Boromir would have loved Eowyn, he would have, and yes, he was the best big brother in the world, I agree.
Aragorn having to carry a drunk off his ASS Gandalf back to his damn room while Gandalf might be hitting on him???? “You’re looking pretty Gandalf the Green, old friend, why don’t we just get you to your bed.” “Get me to YOUR bed, heir of Isildur! Hellah.” “By the bane of Isildur, nO.”
Aragorn staring mournfully at a pile of drunken hobbits writhing on the dance floor doing God knows what. It might be dancing. At least three of them are kind of cousins, please let it be dancing.
Aragorn sliding down to the ground as they send Legolas and Gimli off on their honeymoon, Gimli carrying Legolas (very slowly) in his arms into their bedroom while the two shout the lewdest things imaginable over their shoulders as a preemptive play-by-play of the upcoming night for their wedding guests.
Aragorn the saddest best man ever, is what I’m saying.
I was thinking about Tolkien and accents today, and I really like this idea that even within the Fellowship, you’ve got this happy cacophony of different accents. Boromir speaking Sindarin with a distinctly Gondorian lilt, his Westron a functional thing cobbled-together from the slang of his men and what he learned in order to speak with traders, messengers, foreigners.
Aragorn, so widely-traveled, being an excellent mimic—he can speak Dalish like a man of Laketown or a Haradrim like trader from South Gondor, but in moments of sincerity or seriousness, he slips into the tones of Rivendell, with all the careful articulation of someone who was scoffed at for every slip into the harsher pronunciation of Arnor.
Legolas who speaks Sindarin as his mother-tongue cool and green and fine, but whose Westron is harshly-accented, borrowed from fishermen and dwarves.
Gimli who speaks Khuzdul with that particular Longbeard cadence, which not even growing up in the Iron Hills as part of the Erebor diaspora could shake from him. Exile from Erebor forced many of the dwarves to become, if not fluent, then at least conversant in the languages of Men, in order to trade and travel on soil not their own—Gimli is no exception. (It amuses him to no end to speak to Aragorn in Dalish, and have Legolas puff up, offended not to be part of the conversation.)
Merry and Frodo and Pippin and Sam speaking Westron like the country bumpkins they are, all rounded vowels and drawls, but happy to learn all the languages that fly about them, laughing with their fellows when they mangle even the simplest of Sindarin words.
All of them sitting around the fire, telling stories, laughing at Gandalf when he can’t remember the Westron word for the Sindarin word for the Quendian word for the Valarin, who protests that he is an old man and has known too many tongues, so stop laughing, Peregrin Took, you are spraying crumbs everywhere.
sometimes i get really messed up thinking about Erebor.
it’s hugely vast - Thorin says there are “halls upon halls beneath the mountain” and i imagine it stretches vertically as well as horizontally, so like lots of levels climbing upwards and downwards and just a HUGE amount of square footage, an entire city (perhaps larger than Minas Tirith) literally carved out of the interior of a mountain
on that note, travel around Erebor must be facilitated by something. what if they use goats or ponies? imagine little carts, coaches, etc., driven by dwarves and transporting dwarves and visitors from point A to B, ex: the residential level is the main level but the market is three levels below - no one wants to haul groceries by hand up miles of stairs/ramps and damn like, who has enough hours in their day for all that walking? draft animals it is then. (for that matter, oxen could also be involved, in which case they would need cows to keep supplying offspring to be turned into oxen, and that means some dwarves could be dairy “farmers”).
which brings us to… what are all these pack animals eating? hay would be easy enough to purchase from Dale or other neighbors but then it needs to be stored. and if there are lots and lots of load-bearing animals needed for everyday life in the mountain (and also for mining operations, lots of material to be hauled there) then that’s a LOT of hay and other feeds needed.
so maybe the dwarves have something akin to a pasture somewhere in the mountain, high up, with an entire exterior wall made of glass or a similar transparent substance that lets sunlight in and creates sort of a giant greenhouse or cold frame, so they can grow grass year round for the ponies and goats and cattle to graze. otherwise hay expenses could be astronomical.
i don’t know. just. Erebor everyday life stuff. fascinating.
it doesn’t have to be coaches and buggies tho, they could use rickshaws (do NOT let me fall into a Memoirs of a Geisha au please)
there are likely very affluent districts and less affluent ones as well, but i’d like to think there’s no abject poverty in Erebor. like, let’s not assume the dwarves have fucked up socioeconomics as badly as we have
miners, for instance, wouldn’t be part of a lower- or poor class, but instead would be held in places of honor and paid very well for the dangerous and important work they do - after all, they’re directly responsible for unearthing the mountain’s wealth. why should they be underpaid just because they’re physical laborers? no.
gender roles are virtually nonexistent because it’s better that way and dwarves are awesome and i said so
the streets are kept clean and orderly; every citizen has a sense of belonging as well as ownership in the mountain
Bilbo called it “the greatest kingdom in middle earth” and i’m not about to take that lightly
EREBOR EVERYDAY STUFF IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME???
venTIL ATION? how do you ventilate such a huge fucking mountain, so that nobody suffocates from the heat down low? there’s a lot of natural updraft and stuff like that, but god the master level skill that would have to go into carving out a webbing of ventilation shafts that pretty much work on their own is kILLING ME
same goes for plumbing, I mean we saw in dos that they are no strangers to using water powered mechanisms, so I’m just imagining the sweltering heat and quiet plip-plop and of pipes running through the entire mountain, meeting in like this massive brain-like rattling sputtering structure somewhere where dwarves readjust their massive cogs and shit maybe that’s too steampunk but I love it anyway
as for the farmyard animals, erebor is a MASSIVE self-sustained kingdom, the expenses if they were to import everything would be EXORBITANT, so I bet rachel’s right, they’ve found a really clever way to grow pastures for their livestock, and also have really resilient animals who don’t mind grazing on the (newly rejuvenated) mountainsides I bet
as for the society aspect, I wouldn’t go so far as to presume they totally eradicated poverty, but they do have a very strong system that I still believe has a lot in common with a caste system (though looser), where you’re probably born into a guild and might be expected to take up that job, but nobody except for your overly traditional parents/grandparents/wider family is going to raise an issue if you decide to do something else
dwarven pubs
dwarven brothels
dwarven LIBRARIES
DWARVENM ARKETS with like this entire MASSIVE cave spanning AT LEAST five floors dedicated to it and more adventurous buyers can rope right down the bridges if they know where they want to get, they’re selling uncut lapis lazuli down there again brb [whooshes into the depths of the mountain swan-dive style] (okay I’m exaggerating but you get the point)
basically a dwarven kingdom works like a machine of its own, every single person is a cog in it and everyone has to work efficiently for the machine to operate smoothly oKAY FIGHT ME ON THIS (or alternatively send me more headcanons bc this is fun)
Before she learns about his secret identity, Lois Lane
thinks Clark Kent is a goddamn mess
She goes to his place to work on a joint article and it
takes her like half an hour to find out that Clark lives in an absolutely
nonfunctional house
She has to change a lightbulb but there are no stools, no
sufficiently high chairs, no way of reaching the ceiling unless you find a way
to climb the walls. “How the hell do you change your bulbs?” she asks. Clark
mutters something about misplacing the footstool and helps her drag the table
from the kitchen to the living room.
Lois watches Clark make lasagna and has to physically
restrain him from pulling the tray out of the oven with his bare hands. “Are
you out of your goddamn MIND?” she yells, scrambling to pull him away on time. “What
are you DOING? WHERE ARE THE OVEN MITTS?” and Clark is just like “Right…..oven
mitts…….. I think I lost them with the uh. footstool” both he and Lois pause
for a moment to engage in a riveting game of Mentally Punch Clark
Lois runs into the bathroom to put on a disguise and yells
out, “Where do you keep your razor?” There’s a gust of wind and Clark comes
back with slightly windswept hair. “I got it!” he says with unwarranted
triumph. “It’s right here. The razor I use.” Lois looks at it and it is CLEARLY
recently purchased and never used and she’s just like. I don’t even care
anymore
For weeks she just assumes Clark is missing some crucial
element in his home and starts stacking her own things all over the place. Lois thinking Clark has no clue how to take care of himself while Clark is Eternally Tormented and has to find ways to keep his identity a secret while living in close quarters, and the slow burn mutual pining roommates AU of my dreams begins
Oh my god this is amazingly awesome! Yes please lol
Lol! Omg, yes!!
I literally can’t stop laughing at the lasagna scene, oh my god! LOL
@kookygeekpalace this seems like something that’d be in your fic
its kinda scary how your whole life depends on how well you do as a teenager
oh my god No it doesn’t don’t put this kind of pressure on people?? you can absolutely fuck up in your teen years and continue on to a good life just fine. you can drop out of school, get a GED, still go to college and finish your degree as late as you want. i know people in my school who still haven’t graduated and they’re 26. some older. you can always transfer someplace else, always build yourself up from the ground. after a certain amount of college credits, a lot of schools really don’t care about your high school GED or your SAT scores anymore. if you fuck up in your teenage years you are not a failure!! you can ALWAYS re-invent yourself, always start over. there is always a second chance.
Reblogging this for my followers freaking out over art school/college. I dropped out of high school and never thought I’d get into college as easily as I did. You will be fine!
Fun story my biology professor just told us: When he was 23 he was married to his wife and worked two jobs to support them since she was in college: gas station attendant and construction worker. He worked these two jobs because that was the only work he could get since he was at the reading level of a third grader.
One night he was writing something and his wife noticed he was writing from right to left. Since she was studying occupational therapy she realized he had a learning disability and started working with him. He slowly began to learn to read, and at 26 got his GED and went to college.
His first year of college he took the lowest level math course he could take, 001. Over the years he worked on learning what he needed to, ended up graduating with a biology degree. He then went on to get his masters and PhD, graduating at the top of his class. He is now an extremely accomplished biologist and professor.
So don’t let anyone tell you that you’re future is based on your choices as a teenager.
“My way is not very ladylike!” Fezzik exclaimed to herself, her hands resting on hips wider than some carthorses and her baritone voice rumbling with surprised displeasure.
If I ever get to do a theater production of anything ever, this is what I’m doing.
Prince Humperdinck can stay male and *maybe* Count Reuben but everyone else? A lady.
Wesley? A lady. Buttercup? Definitely.
Inigo, Fezzik, Vizzini, Miracle Max, the goddamn Albino - I don’t care.
Inigo is a gorgeous trans lady who unknowingly leaves a trail of admirers in her wake because she’s too focused on her revenge to notice.
Fezzik really is originally from Greenland (and is Kalalliit, specifically)
(who’s okay with the idea of Gwendoline Christie as Wesley?)
Otherwise the story is exactly the same, down to individual lines of dialogue.
Steve’s line of “I don’t think I can afford a place in Brooklyn” concerns me.
He’s Captain America and he can’t afford an apartment in Brooklyn?! Does he not get a salary? Are any of the Avengers being paid since SHIELD’s downfall? Are they all worried about making their rent each month?! Is Steve doing commencement speeches for extra cash? Is Natasha doing some spy-work on the side? Do they save the world by day and carefully plan their grocery budget at night?!?
Steve spent it all on that Gucci suit he’s wearing for the funeral scene of Civil War.
Seriously though, someone needs to write that fanfic - the Avengers and their side jobs. Natasha’s teaching women’s self-defense classes down at the local YMCA, Steve gets a job at Barnes and Noble so he can read all the books on his breaks, meanwhile:
*Clint’s Avengers communication devise buzzes*
Clint: “Tony, hang on a sec”
muffled in the background: “with pepperoni, anchovies, and extra cheese”
i once saw a scientist
on television.
and she was speaking generally
about science things
(being a scientist and knowing science things
etc.)
and, speaking generally
i am not a science
person,
and while i respect them,
i do not have much interest
in scientists
or science things.
so i went to switch the channel
at the precise moment that the presenter sitting beside the scientist asked:
what,
in your opinion,
is the most ASTOUNDING fact
about the universe
?
and this stopped me.
because it is not often that television presenters ask such interesting questions,
and the scientist was pursing her lips in a thoughtful way that made me think
i wanted to her her answer
to the interesting question.
after a pause,
she did not look directly at the
camera,
but directly at the presenter.
did you know,
she said,
that there are atoms in your body.
the presenter laughed.
of course,
he said.
what else would my body be made of?
well,
said the scientist,
and i did not need to look at the television screen to know
she was smiling.
do you know where those atoms came from?
well,
said the presenter.
and he did not say anything else.
i snickered from my place in the armchair
and the scientist smiled again.
the most ASTOUNDING fact that i have ever known,
she said,
is not a fact, specifically,
but the story of every atom on this planet.
the ones that make up the grass and the sea and the sand and the forests and the human
body.
these atoms came
from stars.
the presenter sat forward and so did i.
stars,
continued the scientist,
are mortal
like humans.
they die,
and, in their later years,
are unstable.
it pains me a little to say it, but a star’s death
is far more dramatic than a human’s.
is it? asked the presenter.
the scientist was looking at him still,
and i felt strongly as though i was listening in on a very private
conversation.
it is, the scientist nodded. the stars
i am referring to,
she said,
collapsed and exploded a very long time ago, and scattered their enriched guts across
the entire universe.
here, she paused, and her words caught in my mind in a way that made me wonder
if she was a scientist
or a poet.
their guts, she said whilst sipping from a glass of water, were splayed across every
inch
of time and space.
these guts were made of the
fundamental ingredients
of life and existence.
carbon and oxygen and nitrogen and hydrogen and all the
rest of it.
all in the bellies of these stars that flung themselves across the universe in protest when it was their time to die.
and then? asked the presenter.
the scientist’s lips quirked upwards. and then, she said.
it all became parts of gas clouds.
ones that condense and collapse and will form our next solar systems -
billions of stars with billions of planets to orbit them.
and these planets have the ingredients of life sewed into the very fabric
of their own lives.
so, she said, smile still playing on her lips -
where do your atoms come from?
from those gas clouds, said the presenter.
no, said the scientist.
from those stars.
every atom, every molecule, every inhale and exhale and beat of your heart, is traceable
to the crucibles that cooked life itself.
and you are sitting here and so am i and so are your viewers at home,
and we’re all in the universe, aren’t we?
yes, said the presenter.
but i’ll tell you what’s even better, the scientist smiled wider.
the universe is in us. your atoms and my atoms and your camera men’s atoms came from those stars. you’re connected and relevant without even having to try. you are made of stardust and the fabric of the universe.
that is the most ASTOUNDING fact
i can tell you.
the presenter smiled and the scientist smiled wider and i smiled too,
and later i switched the channel to something less scientific
and wondered if i should feel small,
tiny and insignificant in relation to the stars that collapsed and exploded and
threw themselves everywhere.
and that is how my mother found me,
sitting on the sofa.
and she asked me what was
wrong,
and i said,
nothing. i’m just a lot smaller than stars are.
my mother is very literal woman. as such, her natural response was:
of course you’re not. don’t you see how small stars are?
that’s only from a distance,
i said.
maybe you’re looking at yourself from a distance too, she said.
and she left the room and it is years later now, but i still
think about the scientist and what she said
and my mother and what she said
and i still see the presenter on television.
and i still think that the stars are very big
but now i think,
they are in me.
so i am big too.
Fox News has no idea how to handle it because he’s Captain America and he’s literally from the 40’s like how do that handle that
He refuses to go on half of the news shows because they lie
Mostly ends up on the Daily Show, the Colbert Report, and the Young Turks
Starts charities that focus on kids and the poor
Donations to veterans charities go through the roof
Treatment for PTSD in veterans suddenly gets addressed after he admits to being diagnosised with it
Steve Rogers starting a twitter specifically for linking people to horrible news stories and calling news stations out on their lies and scare tactics
Using his twitter to complain about the state of public news and how it should be a space of change and value and honesty for the American public, and how he’s so ashamed of it all
He accidentally becomes like public face for the new generation of politically savvy people
They make of shirts like WWCD “what would Cap do?”
Tony is thrilled and proud and hires of team of lawyers exclusively to handle the news stations screaming about Steve
Fox news gets slapped with so many libel fines and law suits
Going on a show and regretting it the moment an offensive question or comment comes up and decides he’s completely done and just tears the interviewer a new one. It goes viral.
The public face thing is just the start. It starts this whole new wave of people that shut down offensive shit during interviews and holding their own.
There is a short time period once he turns 35 where there is a rally cry of “Captain America for President” that he gracefully turns down.
But politicians starting courting him, trying to get him to publicly state that they support him because his influence is just so massive, and they keep getting shut down hard
Talks about growing up in the depression when people bring up financial issues - says things like “With all due respect, ma’am, what others may remember as being over 80 years ago was less then 5 ago to me. Things were supposed to get better. Those issues we thought we fixed were supposed to go away - we were supposed to work to a future where it was gone - and instead it seems to be worse then ever.”
And of course he’s a raging feminist and is absolutely appalled when Natasha tells him about rape statistics
Bruce takes a lot of time to fully educate him about the social and medical side of abortions, teaches him about the various birth defects and medical issues the mothers can face, shows him the demographic information of access and need, and Steve is horrified by that too
Then Tony walks him through gay rights and other LGBTQ issues, all of them helping him understand how sexuality can manifest differently and the difference between sex and gender identity
Steve just REAL FUCKIN DONE with everything.
Angrily stands in protest rallies and dares people to start something with peaceful protesters. Just DARES them.
Rolls his eyes at baby boomer articles about the newer generations. He’s heard that mess before. He’s done with it.
Understanding people have problems with medical bills, having been there himself.
Fucking standing up for single mothers becaUSE LIKE WHOA THAT’S HIS MOTHER YOU JUST DISSED.
Steve Rogers hating bullies. Hates that kids are actually KILLING THEMSELVES because of bullying and people are just “oh boys will be boys” about it and he’s just LIVID.
I would go into debt to read this comic. This is what Captain America should be. This is what America should be.
cries i want to embrace this post forever
Peaceful protests staying peaceful because when the cops try to start something it doesn’t matter how many of them there are, Steve’s there and he will shut them down, but more than that: Steve gets pepper sprayed. Steve gets chemical burns. Steve on shaky iphone video blind and disoriented and still using his body to protect others as the cops close in. And suddenly the heroes who stay back because they don’t want to get involved - because they shouldn’t use their powers ‘like that’ start showing up in droves.
Peter gumming up the smoke and pepper bombs before they go off. Thor becoming a one man blockade. Natasha working with organizers to help plan for escapes if things do go badly. Tony’s not only keeping Cap up to date - he’s putting considerable money behind the political candidates who will actually work to improve things, because we all know you need money to represent at the polls. They’re not there attacking the police - even if the officers are being assholes, they understand they have a job to do and often bad orders - but they will protect the protesters who have done nothing but show up.
And the more they do, the more heroes join in. Because it’s not just about using your powers against the mighty evil empire Strexx or taking down some guy calling himself the Boomerang. It’s about making sure you want to keep living in the world you keep saving.
sometimes i forget that morbid, playfully self-deprecating jokes about my mental health are not always appropriate…?? especially around neurotypical people who don’t know how to react. like there’s this awkward pause, this unspoken ‘do i laugh, or…??’, this sort of ‘…dude are u ok’ look they give. and it’s just like, it’s ok, i cope with existential dread through deadpan and/or nonsensical shitpost-esque humor. [thisisfine.jpg]
Wandering around New York City PISSED because there are all of these empty luxury apartments in a city with such a high homeless population. He just starts tearing down doors and ushering people inside (and then repairing the doors because whoops he did not think that through)
Every time a reporter tries to ask Natasha who does her hair he interrupts her snarky response with I DO
Getting dragged into tv interviews and getting weird questions he’s not really qualified to answer until finally someone asks him what he thinks the founding fathers would have to say about net neutrality and he just says “I don’t give a fuck what they’ve have to say” before this impassioned speech about freedom and information equality that everyone is too afraid to interrupt
Literally dropping everything to show up in Ferguson. Like, thanks police department for all your hard work but you can go home now because the people have spoken and they’d like you all to retire early Captain America’s got this covered
He does not tell the Avengers
He does not tell Fury
He leaves a note for Bucky but like it’s really vague “ttyl gotta go school some haters” and Bucky has no idea what that’s supposed to mean because Steve basically COLLECTS HATERS LIKE THEY’RE POKEMON
Speaking of haters remember that time in Iron Man 3 where Tony gave out his home address and basically told a terrorist to come find him? That’s not good enough for Steve. Nope. He adopts one of those army dogs with the titanium teeth and just starts jumping out of planes and knocking on doors like “hello have you accepted Steven Grant Rogers as your ass-kicking savior?” like this is a weekly occurrence. Arms dealers, the leaders of drug cartels, human traffickers, he just keeps finding things to get pissed about.
Because he doesn’t like bullies.
Like everyone in the tower sits him down and they have an intervention for him and he promises to find his chill
Starts doing Sesame Street appearances and everything seems normal
And then he disappears on a rampage and resurfaces on the news standing at the protest lines of an abortion clinic escorting women inside and covering their faces with his shield
He probably comes across Coulson at one point and he’s not even surprised he’s just like accepted the fact that nobody stays dead anymore like he’s honestly expecting to punch real hitler in the real face one of these days
