i love when people want to play “never have i ever” because i destroy at that game. i’ve never had sex, i’ve never kissed anyone, i’ve never had a boyfriend, i’ve never been on a date. i just sit back and laugh my ass off as people lose so quickly. it’s the best perk to being the virginiest virgin to ever virgin.
ok but never have I ever
with things you’ve read in fanfiction
Aw shit.
Oh fuck
Drunk. I’d be so drunk so damn fast.
Never have I ever NOTHING. I have read everything.
I have read things I wish I could UNREAD.
Hahaha I would love to play the fanfic version of this
Plot twist on the plot twist: Never have I ever fanfic WRITER edition.
“Sheila, why, did you take a shot for THAT? I’ve read your entire archive on Ao3. I know you’ve never–”
“No, YOU’VE never *hic* never… never… god Sam, the early 2000s were a bad time. I’ve been down in the fanfic mines for just so. Damn. Long. *steals the bottle*”
i like to imagine that clark kent’s search history is mostly normal but then there’s stuff like “improved superman costume concept art” because he wanted ideas
someone said they wanted to be able to reblog this with my horrible tags
no but like… do you sue him for using your designs? Do you politely ask him to stop using your designs? Do you ask him for license fees when the Superman merchandise adopts your design as well?
i am absolutely sure that he would find one with an artist’s comment/description that included “hey superman if you’re reading this feel free to use this anytime ok ;3″ and he would say “oh man that’s so thoughtful, thank you weedhorse69, I think I will” and like how do you explain in court that you, weedhorse69, did not intend for your statement to be any kind of contractual offer because you did not think he would ever find your public internet post with his name all over it
you should DEFINITELY read weedhorse69’s chatlog screenshots, oh my god
And now I’m imaging that weedhorse69 is Kyle Rayner before he got the ring.
Later, after he gets the ring … awkward. So awkward.
“Obviously you aren’t obligated to join the League, but we’d be happy to have you.”
Kyle was going to die. He did not, despite the obvious facts, consider himself to be possessed of great will. It did not occur to him that the fact that he could make himself stand there and pretend to be casual spoke volumes.
“I’ll have to think about it,” he said, hoping that his voice didn’t shake, turning down the thing he would have liked most in the world. “I’m a pretty private person.”
Superman considered this. “That’s fair,” he said, “but maybe I should mention that the League doesn’t require you to disclose your civilian identity.”
“It doesn’t?” Shit. He shouldn’t have sounded so excited.
“No. Some people choose to disclose to close friends, but it isn’t on file and no one has to share anything they’re not comfortable with.”
“Oh.” Maybe… maybe no one would have to know. Maybe he could do this. “I’ll still have to think about it,” he said, even as he made up his mind, “but I am very interested.” Superman smiled, suddenly, and even though he had been nothing but kind Kyle was terrified. “What? Did I say something funny?”
“No, no, you’re fine,” Superman assured him. “Usually Green Lanterns are a little more candid, is all. There’s nothing wrong with it.”
“I, uh.” Kyle faltered. “It’s not that I have anything to hide. It’s just… before I got the ring, I… did some things I’m not proud of.” Superman nodded in a manner warily sympathetic. “Things are different now, though. Very different.”
“I believe you,” Superman said, and it was absolutely killing him how nice he was. He was so nice. Kyle’s only saving grace was that he was wearing the classic costume. “The ring chose you, that’s all I need to know.”
Oh, god. Superman thought he had reformed from a life of crime.
He wasn’t entirely wrong. Right? Right. This was fine. Everything was fine. Kyle would join the League and never tell anyone his name and no one would ever know the depth of his sins and he would meet Batman and that would end well.
… he needed to go find Jimmy immediately.
1) I don’t know how I had failed to follow @unpretty after I read Empty Graves.
2) Clearly this is a woman with a firm grasp of the best version of the DC Universe.
3) This thing of beauty is the thingest of beauties that ever did exist
4) I didn’t know I shipped Jimmy Olsen (jimjams) with Kyle Rayner until I did
5) If you don’t click on the chatlog screenshots and laugh your entire ass completely off, I don’t know why you follow my trash heap tumblr because we have nothing in common.
spin the bottle except instead of kissing each other you fight
For anyone interested, consider the game Slap or Kiss. We played this game so many times senior year of college, I don’t know why our drunk selves were so obsessed with slapping and kissing each other. It’s exactly what it sounds like:
1. You spin the bottle. Whoever it lands on will either have to slap or kiss you.
2. You, the spinner, leave the room. Everyone else gets to vote on whether you will get slapped or kiss. Majority wins, the person who the bottle landed on doesn’t get a vote.
3. When it’s decided, you’re called back in for the surprise Slap or Kiss, and everyone watches with anticipation because they all know and you have no idea and i love it
Bonus: Combine it with Truth or Dare. If you don’t like the Truth or Dare you got, you can choose to do Slap or Kiss instead.
the military begins recruiting ‘soldiers’ before they grow out of their booster seat
four year olds have toy guns and green army men
by grade school you’ve memorized the star spangled banner and the pledge of allegiance
in middle school you’re old enough to play first person shooters set in war times. you and your friends brag about how many kills you have, what guns are your favorite
in high school, rotc comes to visit. you get letters in the mail detailing scholarship and housing opportunities you could have
and if you’re poor or unsure of your future or in love with the idea of ‘protecting your country’ like the men in call of duty
every branch of the military has a sponsored blog on here because they want everyone 13 and up to know that soldiers are heroes and they should join them
To those of you who were wondering, this is a very US-specific post. What gets done to you guys is terrifying, and it’s really unfair.
Ah yes I remember how the different military branches visited my high school at multiple times throughout the year and set up their little pull up bars and had little competitions and the strong little ones got lanyards so the recruiters could pick them out
I dont even know if you’re joking or not
We’re not
We’re really not. What’s super terrifying, that I learned in my kinetic imaging major, is that our military actually hires game designers to design video games promoting our military, and markets them to kids as young as ten or twelve. Our government made friggin reality TV shows out of taking high schoolers and teaching them about the “awesome shit” that they could do for the military. We watched one of the episodes in my Critical Media class, and it made me so physically ill that I actually had to leave the classroom and heave over the toilet while sobbing my eyes out.
This level of propaganda can and does lead to violence even amongst said children. Ask any Puerto Rican child that’s ever refused to say the “pledge of allegiance” (that’s the real name for what most kids are asked to recite every day before school starts) what happens to them exclusively via the other children who consider this blasphemy.
I took the ASVAB (an intelligence test that the military uses to see which branch you would do best in) as a joke in 10th grade to see who would score higher, myself or my boyfriend. He scored a 91, I scored a 93. The next thing I knew, I had recruiters calling my house and visiting my school. I was pulled out of class to talk to recruiters who came to my school specifically to see me. One recruiter from the Marines showed up at my house after school. When I told him that my mother wasn’t home and I wouldn’t allow him inside he tried to push open the door and said “That’s okay, she doesn’t have to be here for us to talk.” I had to tell him numerous times that I would not talk to anyone without my mother present. Then he sat in his car and waited for her to come home. Keep in mind that I am an overweight female and these recruiters were still trying to get me to sign. They were talking about special diets and training programs that would get me in shape in time for my 18th birthday so I could join. It was ridiculous. My mom said that she had never seen anything like it, and she had scored a 92 during college when she had taken it. (Then again, she had joined the Air Force almost immediately after taking the test, because that was her dream.) Shit is scary.
Oh god yes this brings back memories. I took the ASVAB on a lark to skip classes. I scored a 92 and my GOD the effort they put in to try and recruit me… This was pre 9/11 when I did it, but afterwards (post 9/11) they got WORSE. They told me whatever I wanted to do for a career they could help me but they were so PUSHY they freaked me out. I hid whenever I saw the recruiting staff on campus
I started getting a recruiter contacting me when I was 26 goddamn years old, while married to a PTSD’d out twice deployed vet.
Eventually I responded to an email with “I’m fat, asthmatic and married to a human y’all ruined so leave me the fuck alone” and he did.
At the same time he started sending my then husband letters about how they were going to call him back to service if he didn’t re-up in the National Guard (who also get deployed to the Middle East), which is actually a lie. nevertheless, my ex was terrified he’d get brought back in and burned all the letters so there’d be no record of him receiving them.
Turns out that recruiter won a bunch of awards in the state for his recruitment statistics. Interesting ways he went about it, huh?
the marines kept calling my house and mailing things to me and my little sister (who is 12) trying to get us to sign up and my mom finally had to talk on the phone to the dude and tell him that i was a chronically ill trans kid and i would not nor would i ever be joining the us military and they finally quit calling
ive also been singled out and yelled at by multiple teachers in school for refusing to stand and say the pledge of allegiance over the years, told things like i was disrespectful and was a traitor to my country and whatnot. its especially bad and military-centric in the south (i currently live in NC). If you dont live in the us, look up the words to the pledge of allegiance. its vaguely reminiscent of Nazi propaganda, and they start children saying it every day from age 5. how many 5 year olds know what they are saying and agreeing to? none of them, thats how many.
My high school required us to take the asvab. For two years afterwards I received near daily calls from the air force.
jeez. i went to school in ny and had a really liberal teacher in 5th grade who would drop little comments about discrimination against illegal immigrants, maybe we shouldn’t say “God” in the pledge, etc. and if he hadn’t made those comments i wouldn’t have thought twice about these things even though i wasn’t religious and was reciting a pledge involving “God” every day. by hs, everyone just stood and listened to the pledge without reciting it, and we never had crazy military recruitment. did get the west point letters in the mail though
I went to school in NY too and that’s where I took the ASVAB my senior year of high school and got letters from all the branches because I did so well. Specifically, the Air Force Academy wanted me real bad lol. You get the stuff about the military all the time in school. But I was an Army brat so I got it double you know?
At both New York Comic Cons I’ve been to, the Armed Forces have a big booth set up with a bunch of video games that Con-goers can try out - and a recruiter conveniently sitting right there in case anyone wants to sign up.
In my after-school class, one of my students is now an official recruit and has already missed class twice to attend his army events.
I got several calls from the Marines when I was in High School. It was like they were boys trying to ask me put on a date, just chatting with me about myself and what I was interested in. Thankfully I still had my deathly fear of intimacy with men so I eventually emphasized my asthma to get them to leave me alone. But now in the cold light of 10 years later, that was some grooming shit. Making me feel like a special kid. Preying on a 16 year old girl. Fuck that.
This is fucking terrifying. No wonder conservative American governments are so furiously opposed to free/affordable college, housing and healthcare - if poor kids had access to all that stuff as a matter of routine, then what the fuck would the army have left to bribe them with?
Yeah, actually, I remember an Army recruiter at my high school saw me get into an argument protecting someone, and since he’d seen my grades/PSAT scores he was kind of all over trying to pitch the military to me. It was pretty alarming, and that’s coming from someone who’s been aggressively wooed by colleges. I’m pretty sure the only way I really got out of being actively hassled was because I left high school early, before I could take any of the other exams they look at.
I saw a guy with a “Smart Phones Make Dumb People” bumper sticker talking on a Samsung Galaxy as he drove down the highway, and honestly I haven’t seen modern art in motion like that in my entire millennial life
congratulations on the record-breaking 16Hamilton nominations:
Hamilton for Best New Musical Hamilton (Lin-Manuel Miranda) for Best Book of a Musical Hamilton (Lin-Manuel Miranda) for Best Score
Lin-Manuel Miranda for Best Actor in a Leading Role in a Musical Leslie Odom, Jr. for Best
Actor in a Leading Role
in a Musical Phillipa Soo for Best
Actor in a Leading Role
in a Musical Daveed Diggs for Best Actor in a Featured Role in a Musical Jonathan Groff
for Best Actor in a Featured Role in a Musical
Christopher Jackson
for Best Actor in a Featured Role in a Musical
Renée Elise Goldsberry for Best Actress in a Featured Role in a Musical
Thomas Kail for Best Direction of a Musical Andy Blankenbuehler for Best Choreography Alex Lacamoire for Best Orchestrations David Korins for Best Scenic Design of a Musical Paul Tazewell for Best Costume Design of a Musical Howell Binkley for Best Lighting Design of a Musical
with the weather getting warmer I wanted to address something that a lot of people don’t know. if you have a german shepherd, husky, pomeranian, corgi, collie or any breed with a double coat, DO NOT SHAVE THEM DOWN
so many people shave their double coated dogs thinking it will keep them cool in the summer but this couldn’t be more wrong!!! the undercoat actually helps keep them cool!!! by shaving them down you are actually doing more harm than good. without the protection of the undercut, your dog can easily become sunburned and will feel the heat much more than they would with the undercoat. shaving them removes their ability to cool themselves down
so in conclusion, PLEASE DONT SHAVE YOUR DOUBLE COATED DOGS
I saw a couple posts about this but this is the only one to explain it, so here you go! Important doggy owner info!
on one hand I’m extremely offended racist, violent slaveholder, andrew jackson, will remain alongside harriet tubman on the $20 bill but on the other hand i like to think jackson isnt just rolling, he’s fucking doing kick flips, somersaults, and shit in his grave, as he is immortalized amongst the two things he hated the most, paper money and colored people
Honestly though like its fucking offensive how people still try to claim that “hard work” is what determines your economic fate. Like its not like its a secret that the most back-breaking labor is categorically not the most high-paying, really its almost the precise opposite. People bent over for 12 hours a day, in the sun, picking vegetables are literally the lowest paid people in the country. No one can claim ignorance of that. So shut your God damn mouth and find another justification already, stop being insulting to the people who bust ass and break a sweat so millionaires can spend their work days in a chair, in an air conditioned room, two basic luxuries that plenty take for granted.
i feel like wonder woman could get away with throwing batman over her shoulder to carry him away exactly once, just because she would have the element of surprise. batman prepares for everything but there are limits. if you were batman would you ever in a million years expect a woman who is two inches shorter than you in one-inch heels to just pick you up and leave like she’s carrying a bag of sand to build a wall. like you are the victim of a cartoon caveman from the fifties. i postulate that you would not. maybe in her arms like a lumberjack’s bride, but a fireman’s carry? while he is not only conscious, but entirely capable of moving under his own power? this is the one scenario that batman never prepared for and he suffers the consequences. she could never get away with it again and so she doesn’t even try but from that moment on the possibility is always in the back of his mind. he is on alert. he wants her to try again so he can prove it won’t work this time. she never gives him the satisfaction. he can never explain to anyone how he is suffering. no one will understand. he stands on a rooftop in the rain and broods.
i like to imagine that clark kent’s search history is mostly normal but then there’s stuff like “improved superman costume concept art” because he wanted ideas
someone said they wanted to be able to reblog this with my horrible tags
no but like… do you sue him for using your designs? Do you politely ask him to stop using your designs? Do you ask him for license fees when the Superman merchandise adopts your design as well?
i am absolutely sure that he would find one with an artist’s comment/description that included “hey superman if you’re reading this feel free to use this anytime ok ;3″ and he would say “oh man that’s so thoughtful, thank you weedhorse69, I think I will” and like how do you explain in court that you, weedhorse69, did not intend for your statement to be any kind of contractual offer because you did not think he would ever find your public internet post with his name all over it
If you want kids to stay in school, make sure school provides the necessary accommodations for disabled people, make sure no one is bullied at school, and make sure no one has to quit school to work because they’re poor.
Everybody that reblogs this by May 10th will get a traditionally drawn character based on what I think you look like after scrolling through your blog
Edit: OK I’M CHANGING THE GODDAMN DATE TO MAY 3RD BECAUSE I CANNOT DRAW 5,000 PEOPLE.
YOU HAVE UNTIL MAY 3RD THIS WAS A BAD IDEA
Edit 2: OK, so a lot of people are doubting this, but I’m not going to just skip out on this. I know it’s a lot of people, but the whole reason I’m doing this is because it sounds like fun, and it will be good drawing practice. I’m not starting it immediately, and it might take a while to get them all out, but I AM going to be getting all of these done! I’m going to keep my promise, and this is a legitimate thing.
Just remember what Hermione, Harry, and
Ron went through on May 1st.
The three of them wake up at 6am on the
morning of May 1st in order to change into their disguises and head to
Gringotts.
Over the next 24 hours:
They change and take Polyjuice potion
manipulate their way into Gringotts
They’re badly burned by fake treasure
They escape on a dragon
They ride the dragon across the countryside for several
hours
They’re nearly caught by Death Eaters
They hear the real story of Dumbledore’s sister from Aberforth while enjoying their first and only meal of the day (a large loaf of bread, some cheese, and mead)
They go with Neville to the Room of Requirement
Harry breaks into the Ravenclaw common room to look for the diadem
Harry reveals himself to McGonagall, Flitwick, and Sprout
Ron and Hermione go down into the Chamber of Secrets to destroy the cup
They goes into the Room of Requirement to find the diadem
They narrowly escape the Fiendfyre
They duel with Death Eaters
Ron’s brother dies
They sneak out to the Shrieking Shack
Ron and Hermione help move the dead when Voldemort announces that he’s going to give Harry an hour before resuming fighting
Harry runs up to Dumbledore’s office to see Snape’s
memories
Harry watches memories that totally alter his perception of his life and of Snape
Harry realizes he needs to die
Harry rushes out to the Forbidden Forest to sacrifice himself
Harry speaks to his parents, Sirius, and Remus using the
resurrection stone
Harry allows Voldemort to kill him
Harry is taken back to the castle by the Death Eaters and a triumphant Voldemort
Ron and Hermione and the others briefly mourn Harry while Voldemort monologues
Harry rises again and monologues for a bit before dueling
Voldemort
Harry kills Voldemort as the dawn begins to break
They visit Dumbledore’s portrait and discuss the elder wand
Harry goes off to his dormitory, wondering if Kreacher can
bring him a sandwich
Like I didn’t even realise all this happened in the same day
Um, PSA? If you’re going to message me–and trust me, I want you to message me–please introduce yourself or at least…like…tell me something about who you are/why you’re in my messages. I’ve received two messages today from completely random blogs who weren’t even following me and apparently had nothing on their blogs, and I…look, guys, I’m sorry that I just kind of blocked you out of hand, but in my experience people who just send ‘hi’ are a bit sketchy.
So. Introduce yourself, because I’m a bit paranoid and jittery. It’s a win-win. Yes?
i fucking hate dating nerds one single time i wore a star wars shirt to see a dude and he was like, “wow are u wearing that to impress me” and i said, “star wars episode 4 was seen by approximately 110 million people during its initial theatrical run in 1977”
Congratulations. You’re dating people who for the longest time have been putting up with bullying, mocking, and scorn for most of their lives. That kind of shit stays with people. So imagine their surprise when they see a member of the opposite sex, who I’m assuming is really attractive in comparison to most people, wear attire that reps nerd culture. Which even though is accepted by the masses (if you’re reasonably attractive) is still rare. Now I’m not saying that you’re not allowed to be scornful I’m just saying expect it and don’t be surprised when you hear it. Ok? OK.
why i dont date fucking nerds: exhibit B
Bolded emphasis mine. Gross.
Stands on nearest chair: ATTENTION MALE NERDS. YOU ARE NOT SUFFERING FROM A SHORTAGE OF FEMALE NERDS. THERE ARE VAST NUMBERS OF US, AND WE RARELY HAVE A HARD TIME FINDING EACH OTHER. YOU ARE WITHOUT FEMALE COMPANY BECAUSE YOU ARE WHINEY ASSBABIES WHO THINK YOU OWN THINGS BECAUSE YOU LIKE THEM, AND BECAUSE YOU SOMEHOW THINK YOU SUFFER BULLYING WHEREAS GIRL NERDS SOMEHOW NEVER DO. STOP PRETENDING YOU GET TO BE ASSHOLES BECAUSE YOU HAVE A “TRAGIC PAST” OR YOU WILL DIE ALONE. IF YOU THINK GIRL NERDS DON’T GET BULLIED IT’S LIKELY BECAUSE THOSE GIRLS DON’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU, BECAUSE OF THIS SORT OF ATTITUDE.
also: fucking no one mocks nerds anymore. Game of thrones is the most watched show on tv, everyone and their mom is playing video games, dungeons and dragons is more popular than it’s ever been.
To conclude
i’m obligated to reblog the Critical Whale
Fucking thank you
Even if you take their defenses at face value, they always boil down to “I was bullied for liking this, time to perpetuate the cycle.” Which… no. Stay the hell away from me with that shit.
friendly reminder that you are allowed to write selfishly. Your writing is allowed to be self-indulgent. You can have self-insert characters. Your stories can be pure wish-fulfillment.
Sometimes we get so caught up in wanting to please the theoretical reader that we forget our writing is first and foremost for us. It’s our art, our self-expression, and we do it for our passion and our joy.
Use other voices and perspectives to grow your own perspective and bring more to your writing. But you don’t owe it to anyone to create art for them, the way they want it.
Your writing can be a love letter to yourself.
honestly my writing got 100% when i stopped worrying about hypothetical readers and started writing what I truly, deeply, unabashedly loved
