If you are in the mood to write pain (and, really, when aren't you in the mood to write pain): Rachel/Tobias during the early war
*mean cackling* So when I’m in a very particular mood
about the little girl I used to be and how much she was screwed over, I tend to
take it out on my characters. Ergo, I am
banned from touching my Alleirat story until our houseguest leaves, and will
instead be writing Animorphs because how much worse could I make it. Sorry. And since this got pretty long and also there’s not exactly loads of
Animorphs fic, I crossposted it to AO3. If you like Animorphs, maybe comment on that
shit or something.
It hadn’t even been twenty-four hours since
the disastrous attack on the Yeerk pool, the sun still over the trees at the
edge of the forest where it butted up against Cassie’s farm. The horse she’d morphed, whose quick legs had
saved Cassie and one single woman the night before, was loose in the field, and
Rachel was cross-legged on a crate in the barn as Cassie murmured to a wounded
rabbit. Rachel felt dazed, with
exhaustion and shock, as if every blink and turn of her head demanded a fresh
calibration of her brain, a new moment of I’m
alive and nothing is okay. She’d
spent an hour in the shower after getting home, with the water as hot as she
could stand, but she could still feel the grit of the Yeerk pool floor on her
palms and feet, and kept expecting to catch a glimpse of Hork-Bajir blood on
her human teeth in the mirror.
Cassie didn’t seem much better, her hands
still where she would usually be smoothly going through her tasks and her voice
mindless nonsense, as if she was as numb as Rachel. The silence wasn’t quite tense, but there was
an unmistakable taut feeling that kept even the noisiest patients subdued and
quiet.
“Did Jake say why he wanted to talk to us?”
Rachel finally asked, and Cassie glanced up, shaking her head.
listen: fight club and pulp fiction are good movies, i love them both personally, but if a guy (and you KNOW the type of guy i mean) says they are his Favorite Movies then u need to run. RUN. plan ur exist exit strategy now. if ur texting him then just make something up. “haha i gotta go now. it was nice talking to you. bye!” if you’re somewhere with him just leave. do parkour if you have to. run like the wind. get away from that man
i have been getting messages nonstop since posting this and in response i am adding more movies: scarface, american psycho and a clockwork orange. goodbye
Me:
I'm a bad bitch! I don't take shit from anyone! I'm not nice!
Also me:
well I can't just leave this cart in the middle of the parking lot. I have to take it to the cart return. I'm not an animal. Those employees work hard.
human: “mmm love that new book smell,”
alien: “WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?”
As an anosmic human, the alien in this post is very relatable to me.
Human: Oh, man, this perfume smells beautiful. I could smell it all day! Alien: *makes note that humans like crushed flowers, alcohol, and various wood oils mixed in an aerosol form*
Human: Ugh! Good grief, who took a bath in their perfume cabinet?? Alien: *throws notepad across the room*
Human: *sneezes* Alien: …I appear to have broken our human. Human: *sniffles* Just allergies. I think you’re releasing spores. Alien: …Spores are bad. Unequivocally bad. Yes? Human: If you’re allergic…? Alien: WHY IS THERE NO ONE THING UNILATERALLY TRUE FOR HUMANITY?? Human: …I appear to have broken our alien.
BUT HOW DO YOU CATCH EVERYONES NAMES IN MAD MAX I JUST COULDNT NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRIED PLEASE SEND HELP
Wikipedia, Google, Tumblr, and this, my dude. The end result is that I have a borderline encyclopedic knowledge of the characters in Fury Road. Honestly I’m pretty sure like half of them don’t even get named in-movie, the script is probably like six pages.
a song called ‘disco inferno’ just came up on my dash and i automatically registered it as “i learn by means of hell” before i realised the title was actually english and not latin
“I learn by means of hell,” forthcoming rap album from Doctor Faustus
When we figured out that’s what Disco Inferno meant (we translated it as “I learn through suffering”), it became the motto of our Latin class at college, and the unofficial motto of my undergrad.
PLEASE DO NOT FILL OUT ANY “SURVEY” YOU GET FROM “THE WOMEN’S MARCH” ABOUT YOUR WHEREABOUTS, WHO YOU ARE, WHAT METRO YOU ARE TAKING, ETC.
INFO BELOW
If you are planning any protests of the inauguration, please be aware that you may be a target of James O’Keefe operatives. If you have spoken to anyone from Breakthrough Development Group, this is an O’Keefe front. Here are some known aliases:
Allison Brandt, Angela Brandt, Allison Moss, Allison Maass, Alyssa Harris, Allison Holmes, Ashley Nichols, Charles Roth, Dan Sandini, Steve Packard, Christian Hartsock, Brittney Rivera, Bri Rivera, Bri Rivers, Mike Carlson, Victor Kesh, Thomas Gibson, Savannah Germain, Jess Koski, Laura Loomer, Jess Jones
If you are working with Disrupt J20 specifically, you are being targeted by O’Keefe. He is apparently trying to get progressives to incite violence.
There will be moles in your campaigns. PLEASE make sure to vet your volunteers. Please get in touch with me if you believe you have been contacted by one of his operatives.
Let me re-emphasize her point, DO NOT FILL OUT ANY SURVEYS! I’m re-emphasizing because I’ve seen a lot of people re-blogging that Women’s March survey. Don’t do it!!
Please make sure anyone you know who is planning to attend sees this!
I’ve noticed this revisionist Greek myth is common wherein Persephone loves Hades and eats the pomegranate seeds in order to evade her overbearing mother, and that’s all well and good. You know, sometimes I’m in the mood for it and sometimes I’m not. But hear this: as long as we’re doing this, why is no one wondering whether Aphrodite might really love Hephaestus?
Think about it. All the gods in their immortal splendor are lining up to marry her, doing everything in their power to impress her, the goddess of love and beauty, and she choses…that guy. A god in technical terms only, a social reject who’s ugly and malformed and um, no fun. Always slaving away in his workshop when everyone else is quaffing nectar and having their eternal beach party up on Mount Olympus. They can’t believe she’d give up all of them for that.
So, because the gods do not take rejection well (looking at you Apollo), eventually they start to say to each other, well, we all know Zeus made her do it anyway. He’s gotta feel guilty for throwing Hephaestus off Mount Olympus that one time. And it quickly becomes thatpoorgirl, stuck in that workshop full of sweat and dirt and cyclopses when she could have had one of us. Because of course they’ve got love all figured out; it’s entirely technical and dependent on who’s the most charming and good-looking and not at all variable and strange and notoriously unpredictable, right?
Meanwhile Ares, only the most arrogant and brainless of the crew, can’t take a hint and is still showing up wherever Aphrodite goes trying to hit on her, so eventually she and Hephaestus decide to rig up an elaborate mechanical trap for him, using her as bait. When all the gods have laughed at him for getting caught he huffily attempts to regain his dignity by telling them, whatever, guys, you want to know the truth, I was meeting her for an assignation. And they all kind of know he’s full of it but they just accept it as the unvarnished truth from thereon in, because they’d love to believe she’d cheat on Hephaestus with Ares. They’d love it. Come on, Aphrodite, get off your high horse and admit you’re just as shallow as the rest of us.
So they talk, but Aphrodite doesn’t really care about their collective jealousy because she dotes on her misshapen genius of a husband with his sooty hands and his sweaty brow who always takes her seriously and is always so hard at work inventing astonishing new things to make her happy, and she loves the volcano they live in with its internal pressures so conducive to the formation of precious stones and its passages lit with glowing lava that so gorgeously offsets her cheekbones, and all the cyclopses worship her because even with one eye apiece they’ve still got more depth perception than most men do where she’s concerned. True it is that as a couple the two develop a reputation for not getting out much, because all those Olympian parties bore them to death and they’d rather spend time with each other (poor Aphrodite, she’s such a vivacious young thing and her husband is so grasping and insecure that he won’t let her go out and have fun), but they do all right.
THIS IS THE KIND OF CONTENT I’M LOOKING FOR
love <3
Ok, ok, wait, but it doesn’t end there. Because Aphrodite features pretty heavily in the story of Eros and Psyche. She’s painted as the villain, her jealousy causing her to send her son to curse the girl, but that’s just not true. She knows what it’s like to be clamored over for your beauty, knows the lies that are spread, the way it sets you up as a target and discredits your mind. Aphrodite hears the mortals whisper that this human girl rivals her in beauty, and one day she gets around to seeing what the fuss is about.
She finds Psyche’s home all but besieged by suitors, but she notices the girl isn’t falling for their flattery, that she is still kind, no matter who she’s dealing with. She sees a bit of herself in this girl who aches to be spoken to, not at, and who wants most of all to be heard.
When she sends her son to the girl, she is less than truthful about her motivations. She knows if she tells him she hopes he will fall for this mortal girl it will make things awkward for him, that true love must be discovered on its own and cannot be forced. When he comes away from the encounter with her name on his lips, searching for excuses to talk to her again, Aphrodite whispers into the soothsayer’s ear to tell Psyche’s father that she is loved by a god. Frees her from the hoards of shallow admirers and gives her son the opportunity he needs to see her again.
When a year of late-night conversations fails to convince her son that it’s time to reveal himself to his beloved, she puts a bug in Psysche’s ear to ask for her sisters to visit, whispers in their ears to convince Psyche to take matters into her own hands, ensures the two can finally meet face to face. She is saddened when Eros flees, believing Psyche had betrayed him.
The four tasks Psyche must overcome to be reunited with her son aren’t laid forth out of spite, but rather to help the girl find herself. Aphrodite knows this girl hasn’t had a choice in the path her life has taken up until this point. Knows that everything was in the hands of her father, and of Aphrodite herself. She wants to make sure Psyche means it, wants Psyche to know what she’s getting into when dealing with the Olympians. Wants, most of all, for Psyche to question her own motivations, fully evaluate the situation, and then make her own choice.
Her frustration at the Olympians aiding the girl isn’t because she hates being tricked. No, she wants Psyche to break out of her shell, wants her to have the option to decide this isn’t worth it and walk away.
When the final task ends in Psyche laying unconscious on the roadway, Aphrodite searches the girl’s heart and knows her intentions are true. Knows she is ready to join the family. She kicks Eros out of the house to ensure he would find Psyche, to ensure he would come to his senses and forgive her, realize that he had been unfair to her and to ask her forgiveness in turn.
They say Aphrodite was sour about the whole ordeal until her granddaughter was born, but the truth was she hadn’t stopped smiling from the moment her son had first come home, whispering the girls name in reverence.
I liked before.
Now I find it awesome.
will someone please do a different take on icarus too
on the topic of humans being the intergalactic “hold my beer” species: imagine an alien stepping onto a human starship and seeing a space roomba™ with a knife duct taped onto it, just wandering around the ship
it doesn’t have any special intelligence. it’s just a normal space roomba. there are other space roombas on the ship and they don’t have knives. it’s just this one. knife space roomba has full clearance to every room in the ship. occasionally crew members will be talking and then suddenly swear and clutch their ankle. knife space roomba putters off, leaving them to their mild stab wounds.
“what is the point?” asks the alien as another crew member casually steps over the knife-wielding robot. “is it to test your speed and agility?”
“no it doesn’t really go that fast,” replies the captain.
“does it teach you to stay ever-vigilant?”
“I mean I guess so but that’s more of a side effect.”
“does it weed out the weak? does it protect you from invaders? do repeated stabbings let your species heal more quickly in the future?”
“it doesn’t stab very hard, it gets us more than it gets our enemies, and no, but that sounds cool — someone write that down.”
“but then what is its purpose?”
“I don’t know,” the captain says, leaning down to give the space roomba an affectionate pat. “it just seemed cool”
this is the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard but I thought about it for five seconds and realized that if I were, say, a random communications officer onboard this ship and someone taped a knife to a roomba it would take maybe three weeks before even I was inordinately fond of Stabby. I would be proud of Stabby when I met up with my other spacefleet friends for space coffee, I would tell them about the time Stabby got the second mate in the ankle five seconds before the fleet admiral beamed on board and she swore in seven different languages in front of high command.
also by the fourth day Stabby would be in the ship’s log, he’d have little painted-on insignia, people would salute him as he went by, and someone would hook up a twitter account to tweet maniacal laughter and/or a truly terrible knock-knock joke every time he managed to nick someone.
Omg so the ting I typed up might actually happen this is gold
I am suddenly astonished that Stabby isn’t Farscape canon. 1812 was weird enough.
Stabby’s little charging dock would start accruing cuddly toys and commemorative holo-vids of Stabby’s greatest stabs. Its insignia would start off at a fairly low rank, but soon, without anyone every discussing it, everyone would know that Stabby got to take the rank of the highest ranking crew member it stabbed. The ceremony for Flag Admiral Stabby was beautiful. The captain gave a speech.
Details: Six (6) members of a Mercenary/Pirate crew of little renown attempted to infiltrate ship in order to steal equipment and/or personnel.
Prior to being detained they had remained undetected for eight (8) hours and accumulated several high value materials (see attached log), and incapacitated and restrained several crewmen (see attached log) in dock #3, with the intention of using a life boat to exfiltrate.
Just prior to their would-be escape, the boarding party encountered the ship’s mascot. A cleaning unit which had been modified by crew members to mount a traditional Terran melee weapon, as well as an officer’s insignia (having been jokingly given a commission by the Captain the night before). Curious, one picked it up, before realising the mounted weapon had a nickel finish (highly toxic to their species) on the handle, and dropped it in a panic.
As the unit’s anti-impact sensors had been disabled, it immediately tried to right itself on landing. This caused it to flip over and slash the third knee of the boarder who dropped it, prompting the rest of the boarders to flee. In doing so, they tripped over a waste container, causing the unit to “chase” them, as it collected the trail of dust they left.
The security crew were alerted to the boarding party’s presence by an entry on “Sargent Stabby’s Hit List” - an account on an intership microblogging site which automatically logs any injuries caused by the cleaning unit in question - and quickly intercepted them.
Casualties: Four (4) crewmen treated for minor lacerations sustained after detaining boarding party, one (1) captured crewman treated for negative reaction to sedatives used by captors.
Belligerent status: Two (2) members of the enemy boarding party remain in stable condition in sickbay. Three (3) remaining surrendered peacefully and remain in the brig. One (1) refuses to leave the safety of a storage cupboard he went to ground in.
Recommendations/Actions:
All captured guards to undergo debriefing and possible disciplinary action for breaches of security protocol.
Remind all crew members to report missing colleagues immediately.
Retain a guard outside cleaning storage room 87 until the final boarder can be coaxed out and properly detained.
Cleaning unit D4.87 AKA
“Sargent Stabby” has been promoted to Quartermaster, and is now considered the superior officer of all autonomous drones on the ship. All Class #1 drones have been programmed to salute their superior with their effector, should it enter the room while they’re active.
according to this textbook, because president hayes, elected 1876, was elected as the result of several disputed votes, he was sometimes referred to as “his fraudulency”. and i sincerely love that
My elementary school had the entire animorphs series and when I was in fifth grade I discovered them and I would check them out three at a time (I think at one point I was doing this every day) and just read through them. My teacher thought I was reading below my level and took away the one I was on and made me read "The Good Thief" and tell her how it ended before I could get it back.
This is eerily familiar, my elementary school experience looked very similar. Admittedly I figured out really quick that I didn’t want to be explaining the Animorphs to my teachers (my mom asked about the first book while I was reading it at seven and she was VERY CONCERNED–of course then she read them herself and is easily as much of a die-hard as I am), but yeah man, I know that feel.
Also I’m reading them out loud to my roommate and it’s fun times, and also-also you should ALWAYS feel free to come talk to me about Animorphs because it’s GOOD SHIT. I have a Rachel/Tobias fic in reserve that I wrote today but won’t post just yet because I agreed not to torture my roommate while she’s feverish.
"u dont know tragedy until you ship a dead girl and a bird" i feel it
son. it was sad as fuck when i first read it when i read it nearly 15 years ago and it is even sadder now because i was cold as fuck as a kid and now as an adult i have the fragile emotional state of an infant that’s been shown the first 10 minutes of the movie “up”. animorphs has destroyed me and showed me how to feel, and most of that is bad and i regret it.
Rewatching Fury Road while tipsy because houseguest, and SOME THOUGHTS:
The Doof Warrior is so fucking extra, I love him with my whole heart because. What.
Furiosa straight up tries to kill Max in that first fight. Like, he KNOWS the shotgun isn’t loaded and furthermore he wastes THREE bullets on nonlethal warning shots. SHE, on the other hand, does NOT know that, and tries to blow his head off with the shotgun, bash his skull in with the boltcutters, and shoot him in the temple with the handgun.
There is nothing I love more than that scene where Immortan Joe is coming up on them and they’re Definitely Screwed and then the door opens to reveal Angharad clinging to the outside of the rig to shield them with her body. So fucking good, God I love her so much.
The Vuvalini make me so happy. “I’m eighty years old heRE COMES THE HURRICANE.”
This movie is a really good exercise in one of my favorite lines: There’s nothing more dangerous than a true believer. And not just with the War Boys! Joe has totally bought into his own propaganda, that’s WHY he’s so dangerous.
This movie is also ALL about Actions Speak Louder Than Words. It doesn’t matter what Nux or Max says, it matters that Max warns Furiosa about the oncoming war parties and is willing to drive the rig to save them all, it matters that Nux helps them escape the Bullet Farmer, it matters that Max lets Furiosa use him as a rifle rest.
“Remember me?” FURIOSA. MY LOVE. FUCK ME UP. FUCKING ICONIC.
The loop of “Witness me” from the kami-crazy War Boy death chant to Nux’s final whisper before he saves the Wives and Max and Furiosa always wrecks me, I almost bawled in the fucking theater the first time I saw this.
Toast is a stone-cold Slytherin and I will not hear debate. “Don’t damage the goods.” Come on, y’all. Which is not to say I have strict headcanons for the others.
HA I lied, I totally do. Furiosa is a Slytherin/Gryffindor split who by nature of her situation chose Slytherin and falls back on that Gryffindor self over the course of the movie, Max is a Hufflepuff (a deeply traumatized Hufflepuff, but still). Angharad is a Gryffindor to the core, using her own body to save the others because she believes in the cause. The Dag is a Ravenclaw, exactly the kind of lunatic brilliance that Ravenclaw adores, and Capable is a Hufflepuff who throws herself into the cause for love of Angharad and for love of her people and for love of herself. And here’s the controversial one: Cheedo is a Slytherin. Her ambition is to survive, and she does whatever she believes must be done for that–flee the Citadel, return to Joe, lie to Rictus, all of it to achieve her goal. Nux earns a Gryffindor for turning his back on Joe, but the War Boys are mostly not…person enough to be sorted, just puppets, an old man’s battle fodder. Incidentally the Vuvalini are a general mix, most of them with Slytherin as an option if not a primary house, much like Furiosa. Valkyrie is the only straight-up Gryffindor, and Keeper of the Seeds is a Ravenclaw/Hufflepuff split, a rarity in the Vuvalini.
Immortan Joe is a Slytherin/Ravenclaw split, which makes him very dangerous.
I’ve always been mad vexed about it and just held my tongue bc I didn’t wanna fight but now I do wanna fight everyone who doesn’t like Jake Berenson and argues that he didn’t deserve to be the leader and that he gets too much credit for doing nothing and while I did not keep any receipts for callouts I may still write a post explaining my passions and sorry to all my followers who are gonna have to read it
I mean… Jake Berenson himself would make that argument, but everyone else should know better.
Jake made some Bad Decisions, but he did his best in a horrible situation and I will defend him for 10 pages if I need to.
I would also join in the defense of Jake Berenson.
honestly one of the most heart-wrenching, incredible images from the Animorphs series for me is from #13, where the kids, a bunch of 13 year old kids, their equally young andalite friend, and the two only free hork-bajir in the entire universe are all scared, stuck in the woods together and have decided to trust one another. And they pound their chests and scream out the mantra of the entire series free or dead in the face of the yeerk empire that threatens to enslave all of them and it just brings me to tears every time i read it
I want to talk for a moment about the infamous Trump Happy New Year tweet. We’re all familiar with it. It went like this:
“Happy New Year to all, including to my many enemies and those who have fought me and lost so badly they just don’t know what to do. Love!”
The general reaction could best be summed up as, “What an asshole!” But I’m glad he tweeted this, because it really clarifies things. Trump views everyone who didn’t and/or doesn’t support him as a conquered enemy. This ought to put to rest any talk of Trump “uniting the country” or “giving him a chance.” In fact, you know what, Donald?
If you are going to treat me like a conquered enemy, then I have to assume I am now living in an occupied country. And that means that from me, you get:
* no benefit of the doubt
* no cooperation
* no respect
and
* no legitimacy.
That tweet frees us all from any remaining scruples any of us might have had about rejecting his legitimacy and authority. You can’t be someone’s “enemy” and be their president at the same time.
Thank you for putting into words what was skeeving me the fuck out about that tweet, in a manner more eloquent than the “dear non-faith-specific God, he sounds like a literal supervillain out of central casting” that was springing to mind.
i think a lot of yalls pro-trans mantras are getting kind of performative especially now that we’re really in the trenches under trump’s presidency like it’d be real nice if any of yall bothered to call your local senators or local grassroots orgs about trans employment laws and trans healthcare and trans people’s exposure to hiv and donate to trans women and men etc in need for every ‘kill all terfs and destroy cis people’ post you type
here are some sample scripts you can use if you’re not sure what to say when you call [x] [x] [x]
throw in a few bucks for passport gender marker and legal name changes. urgently needed, easy to do. (this is how i was able to afford my gender marker and name change, these fundraisers are directly helping trans individuals) [x] [x]
read, bookmark, and share this list of 52 more concrete ways to support trans people & promote trans equality [x]
“I say eighteen years,” Jyn, perched on the edge of the
table.
“What? No way,” Cassian, leaning forward, focused.
Leaning back on his chair, Bodhi cleans his goggles.
“Well, they were Guardians before the Republic fell, weren’t
they?” Jyn is insistent, “They must have had some sort of code against emotional
attachments, like the Jedi.”
“Even so,” says Cassian, “It has to be longer than that.
Looking at the way they interact, the subtlety of the touches, the shorthand…
I say twenty-four, twenty-five years.”
“You’re not using your intelligence-gathering skills for
this, are you?”
“Well, it’s not like I can just switch it off!”
“But it’s an unfair advantage!”
Cassian brushes her off and turns his attention to the
pilot.
“What about you, Bodhi? What do you reckon?”
“Thirty-two years,” he says calmly.
Then, seeing as the other two are looking at him with raised
eyebrows, he adds:
“Give or take. Probably dated for like… five years before
that? I’m just guessing.”
“Shit, they’re coming. Credits on the table, boys!” says Jyn
in a whisper.
Each of them throws a handful of credit chips on the table.
“Alright, spit it out,” says Baze, walking up to their
corner of the mess hall, “the three of you have been staring at us for the last
fifteen minutes.”
“I told you,” says Chirrut lightly, “their intentions are
pure.”
“I don’t trust your definition of pure. And , in any case, it’s annoying. So what is it?”
Jyn elbows Cassian in the ribs to get him to do the talking.
“Well, we were just wondering… How long the two of you
have been together.”
“Married, you mean?”
Jyn nods vigorously.
“Well, we became involved when I was sixteen, Chirrut was fifteen.”
“The bit about no emotional attachments was never really a
rule. More like advice,” Chirrut answers Jyn’s unvoiced question.
“Very strong advice,” says Baze.
“Well, we were always unorthodox.”
Chirrut smiles at Baze, who leans in to give him a quick
kiss.
“Anyway, we were married some five years later, so that makes
it… thirty-two years?”
“Just about.”
Cassian and Jyn’s jaws drop, and they apparently decide to
give up on hiding their secret. Both turn to Bodhi.
“What?!”
“How did you know?!”
“Unbelievable!”
The two wail and stomp off, grumbling about “two hundred
credits!”.
Meanwhile, Bodhi leans forward on the table and gathers his
precious winning.
“Guess that means these are mine now.”
“So,” says Chirrut grinning, “are you going to tell them you
were born and raised in Jedha City, and that the marriage of two Guardians of
the Whills made city-wide news?”
listen kids, i am very tired and in all honesty have no authority to be giving anyone advice but looks matter in fanfic, how you present the work you created matters, okay
you’re trying to impress, you’re trying your very best to get someone to read this work you’ve created and how you present it is fucking important, ayight?? it’s like having a first date, you can’t just roll out of bed after three months without showering and be like “sup fam, suck on my tongue”
you have to look minimally presentable for people to want to metaphorically suck on your tongue, ayight kids?
so, get a nice title, something that ppl wanna whisper, something nice and related to the content ayight? it can be one word, it can be any word. that’s your calling card kid, that’s the piece of paper you slide over the table with your phone number. good titles can go a long way
and if titles are your name, the phone number is the tags and for god’s suck use the tags. how do you want people to find the unique things you bring to the table if you don’t put them in the database for them to search by name??? how will all those potential people you’re trying to win over find you without some proper tags, huh? they ain’t fam. tag yo shit
and while you’re at it, don’t talk down on yourself, don’t you dare talk down on yourself. you’re beautiful and ethereal and everything you do matters, and everything you do works to make you even more beautiful. “i suck at summaries lol xD give this a try tho”. fam no. don’t do that shit. it’s unnatractive. that’s like being greeted by your date with a “rawr that means i love you in dinossaur lol xD im so random how many kids do you wanna have also my family are all extremists come see our gun collection”
ppl are gonna run away from that. fast. you’re good. what you do matters, OWN IT. seduce your date with a beautiful summary, whatever you like, using any technique you like, just have a good summary ayight? that’s your bait, that’s what you use to reel them in as the beautiful siren you are just before you drown them in your amazing content and eat their hearts.
and if you don’t think you’re shit and are insecure about posting, then boi u better fake it ‘till u make it, my guy. i can assure you, you’re worth more than you could ever dream.
now that u got em reeled in, now that you got them to click the link and ask for a second date, for mcfuck’s sake correctly format your fic, use some goddamned paragraphs spacing. i want to see beautiful flowing lines of text, not a slaughtered ant colony that faintly resembles a wall of text. and dont forget theres a special place in hell for people who align center their text.
so.
maximize your readability, expand your goddamned market, become enticing to the point where no one can resist you, sloppy fic presentation harms your fic and it’s completely avoidable. take care of yourself and make smart decisions to get that sweet validation medicine friends.
I noticed the other day that girls usually adapt to their bfs hobbies like if they enjoy idk surfing the girls will start learning facts about it and buying cute things related to it for them and being so proud of their bf like they’re a star even if they aren’t that great at surfing just out of pure love and joy ….. But men never fucking adapt to their gf’s interests like they can’t possibly care less about makeup for example or they’ll just complain about them taking too long to get ready instead of sharing the passion for it and watching them create something beautiful and being interested in why is it that it makes her feel better to do her makeup. Men are so used to not trying at all fuck that tbh!!!!
yall are just dating the wrong fucking people lmao
Seriously, you ARE dating the wrong people. I work in a makeup store and the sheer amount of guys that are fully engaged in what their girlfriends/wives are doing with makeup surprised me. Yes there’s a lot of guys who scoff and roll their eyes about being in the PRESENCE of makeup, but there’s sooooo many that are consistently engaged, looking at colours wanting to help (even when they’re visibly confused and you can see they want to help but don’t know how). My boyfriend even knows more than I thought just from listening to me talk.
Find better quality guys that take interest in your interests and stop settling for assholes.
the person you’re dating should be your best friend. Not as in, date your best friend, but as in if your partner doesn’t engage with you at the same level as a best friend (or even just a friend), there is something wrong. It’s not long term material.
Couples that act like men and women are ‘opposite’ sides in the relationship game are such a weird concept for me. ‘Oh, we’re married, my wife is basically an obstacle to me getting a nice night out with my friends haha’ or ‘oh my boyfriend doesn’t do any of the housework ahahaha boys am I right?“
like, ?????? you,re not supposed to be on opposite sides, both pulling to get what you want. You’re supposed to be a TEAM. that’s, like, the whole point of a relationship.
Like, not only does my boyfriend know and care about my interests, even the ones I rant about that know bore him a little (and vice versa - I now know a lot about Eve Online and he knows more than he has probably ever wanted to know about star wars fanfiction), he also knows about my day to day stuff. Like, I’ll ask him to do the laundry and he’ll answer “okay but where’s the little net bag you put your bras in so they don’t get stretched in the washer?” because he fucking LISTENED when I bought it and told him what it was for.
like I said. You’re a team, conquering adult life together. That goes for everything, from getting excited and calling him over when I spot a simulator game on sale at the store (even though wtf simulator games I will never get the point of them) to figuring out the most efficient way to keep the living room clean.
*high fives my boyfriend, cartwheels out of the house*
Not enough people talk about the fact that Leonardo da Vinci was gay. Like, he’s literally the father of modern technology and one of the smartest human beings to ever live and I never ever learned in school that he was gay.
If all the LGBT people are as “DOOMED” as the bible thumpers think we are, hell, at least we’re in good company.
I was about to say I can’t believe I didn’t know this
and then I remembered the American education system
Yes, I can fucking believe I didn’t know this.
But yeah. Leonardo da Vinci was gay. Pass it on.
Leo painted a picture of his lover as Jesus and that’s the image we use today
Oh man that is sad. I’m sorry your teachers are failing you.
Some Leonardo facts you should tattoo on your heart:
He was actually convicted for sodomy at age 24, but the allegations were dropped for lack of testimony. The charges affected him immensely, as he was by all means, a very private person.
Da Vinci’s models for Christ are unknown. The claim that he depicted his lover as Jesus most likely arose from the bullshit about Cesare Borgia being the inspiration for White Jesus™ combined with the allegations that Leonardo and Cesare were lovers…There is little to no support for these claims. However, it’s speculated his lover Gian Giacomo Caprotti was the model for his St. John the Baptist.
He was universally beloved (minus Michelangelo lollll), like the nicest, funniest, gentlest, handsomest man you’d ever meet. He was generous beyond words, treated everyone equally, and loved to play pranks.
He was also fuckin’ ripped. It was rumored he could bend a horseshoe in half with his bare hands.
Often wore pink and other vibrant colors.
Rumored to sleep approx. 2 hours a night.
Was left-handed and ambidextrous. He was dyslexic, possibly had ADD, and suffered from frequent paranoia.
He was his own worst critic and often destroyed his work. He still left behind over 13k journal pages, filled with sketches and so many dick jokes.
His last words were: “I have offended God and mankind because my work did not reach the quality it should have.”
Would buy caged animals from the market just to set them free. He was allegedly a vegetarian.
For a time he kept a pet lizard and made him a custom set of wings and horns. He would routinely scare the shit out of people with his ‘dragon.’
My all time fave: While staying in the Vatican he would invite guests into a residential room which had been filled with cleaned/dried animal intestines that he had sewn together. He fastened a bellows to the end of the intestines and proceeded to inflate them. Onlookers were so excited to see DaVinci’s new ”invention” that they didn’t even realize this asshole was just blowing up a giant balloon and pinning them to the wall holy shit I love him so much.
Where is the musical. Lin-Manuel Miranda, fix this.
could you imagine The Enterprise having like a yearly inspection and Kirk bugs out every time because the best running ship in the fleet certainly doesn’t become so because they follow therules. He has to remind the crew a week in advance to actually call him Captain and use formal titles. Bones and Scotty’s shared bathroom which is one hundred percent a liquor cabinet/distillery cannot be a thing.
Sulu has to collect all of his plants out of everywhere that’s not the Botany Labs and hide the illegal ones he picked up during their journey in his quarters. Scotty has to remove all of his Scotty-Approved-Modifications from Engineering. Spock can’t work four shifts in a row and break the ensigns that challenge him in the gym to sparring matches. Bones can’t medically offer alcohol to anybody. Uhura needs to not curse every ten minutes, in any language. Chekov needs to focus more on his console and less on every pair of legs walking by his station.
And then when he was Admiral Kirk, he wasn’t especially interested in actually giving the inspection he was supposed to give at the beginning of The Wrath of Khan.
Remember how he was all, “you know what, let’s just take these cadets on a training cruise!” and Bones was like, “what about the inspection?” and Kirk was all, “nah, man, fuck the inspection”? Yeah, he already knew the kind of shit he was going to find, and he was like, “you know what, I’ll just let y’all off the hook.”
no but when my fiance and I first started dating he said something along the lines of “I hope you don’t ever get irritated with me” because he tends to be pretty high-energy
and I assured him that as long as he isn’t like a lying, misogynistic asshole, it’s basically impossible to piss me off
and I meant it as a joke, but his face got all serious and he goes “don’t worry, I’m not a total idiot, I’ve lost enough brain cells already”
apparently when his older siblings were little, his brother told their sister that she couldn’t play basketball because she was a girl
watching trump slowly figure out what the presidency actually entails is a lot like what i imagine gilderoy lockhart looked like when the hogwarts teachers called his bluff and sent him into the chamber of secrets
So I’m all of four episodes into Borgias, and I’ve got an important question.
WHERE is my fic taking ruthless advantage of Cesare’s need for power and Micheletto’s utter loyalty? With the two of them having sex with deeply fucked-up power dynamics and probably a lot of unnerving knife imagery? About how Micheletto goes to his knees and does what Cesare commands because Cesare in his rich robes and wolf-smile is all the God Micheletto needs or wants, and about how Cesare knows that Micheletto could kill him in a heartbeat and would still place a straight razor in Micheletto’s hand and offer up his throat to be shaved with absolute knowledge that Micheletto won’t even nick the skin? About how Cesare could put a knife to Micheletto’s chest and Micheletto wouldn’t even flinch?
Anonymous asked: Okay, after the Fox News incident, I have to ask, how do the Avengers do on press interviews?
The Avengers are made up of a sharp-tongued billionaire with a short fuse, an easily insulted God, a traumatized scientist with BREATHTAKING anger management issues, a sullen and smart mouthed sniper, a spy with a cloaked past and the ability to kill with a look and Steve Rogers.
sorcerer's/philosopher's stone:
cries for james and lily, also absolutely cannot believe that dumbledore is leaving a baby on a porch in england in november. 8/10
chamber of secrets:
condescends lockhart into going into the chamber alone, then turns around and is like "great so that got rid of him" 10/10
prisoner of azkaban:
"you look to be in perfect health to me, potter, so i'm sure you won't mind me setting you homework. i assure you that if you die, you need not hand it in." bamf. says "not today" to the god of death." 11/10
goblet of fire:
there's that one time she puts a hand on harry's shoulder while her voice shakes. lov it lov her. 9/10
order of the phoenix:
unfortunately is part of the union of "adults denying traumatized harry any information." this, however, is offset by "have a biscuit, potter." 7/10
half-blood prince:
in her temporary stint as headmistress, she gets more done than dumbledore did in fifty years. amazing. 100/10
deathly hallows:
OH BOY. TALK SHIT GET HIT. MCGEE IN THE HOUSE HERE TO FUCK SHIT UP. 10000/10
So there has been a bit of “what if humans were the weird ones?” going around tumblr at the moment and Earth Day got me thinking. Earth is a wonky place, the axis tilts, the orbit wobbles, and the ground spews molten rock for goodness sakes. What if what makes humans weird is just our capacity to survive? What if all the other life bearing planets are these mild, Mediterranean climates with no seasons, no tectonic plates, and no intense weather?
What if several species (including humans) land on a world and the humans are all “SCORE! Earth like world! Let’s get exploring before we get out competed!” And the planet starts offing the other aliens right and left, electric storms, hypothermia, tornadoes and the humans are just … there… counting seconds between flashes, having snowball fights, and just surviving.
To paraphrase one of my favorite bits of a ‘humans are awesome’ fiction megapost: “you don’t know you’re from a Death World until you leave it.” For a ton of reasons, I really like the idea of Earth being Space Australia.
Earth being Space Australia
Words cannot express how much I love these posts
Alien: “I’m sorry, what did you just say your comfortable temperature range is?”
Human: “Honestly we can tolerate anywhere from -40 to 50 Celcius, but we prefer the 0 to 30 range.”
Alien: “……. I’m sorry, did you just list temperatures below freezing?”
Human: “Yeah, but most of us prefer to throw on scarves or jackets at those temperatures it can be a bit nippy.”
Other human: “Nah mate, I knew this guy in college who refused to wear anything past his knees and elbows until it was -20 at least.”
Human: “Heh. Yeah everybody knows someone like that.”
Alien: “……. And did you also say 50 Celcius? As in, half way to boiling?”
Human: “Eugh. Yes. It sucks, we sweat everywhere, and god help you if you touch a seatbelt buckle, but yes.”
Alien: “……. We’ve got like 50 uninhabitable planets we think you might enjoy.”
“You’re telling me that you have… settlements. On islands with active volcanism?”
“Well, yeah. I’m not about to tell Iceland and Hawaii how to live their lives. Actually, it’s kind of a tourist attraction.”
“What, the molten rock?”
“Well, yeah! It’s not every day you see a mountain spew out liquid rocks! The best one is Yellowstone, though. All these hot springs and geysers from the supervolcano–”
“You ACTIVELY SEEK OUT ACTIVE SUPERVOLCANOES?”
“Shit, man, we swim in the groundwater near them.”
Sounds like the “Damned” trilogy by Alan Dean Foster.
“And you say the poles of your world would get as low as negative one hundred with wind chill?”
“Yup, with blizzards you cant see through every other day just about.”
“Amazing! when did you manage to send drones that could survive such temperatures?”
“… well, actually…”
“… what?”
“…we kinda……. sent……….. people…..”
“…”
“…”
“…what?”
“we sent-”
“no yeah I heard you I just- what? You sent… HUMANS… to a place one hundred degrees below freezing?”
“y-yeah”
“and they didn’t… die?”
“Well the first few did”
“PEOPLE DIED OF THE COLD AND YOUR SOLUTION WAS TO SEND MORE PEOPLE???!?!?!?”
My new favorite Humans are Weird quote
“PEOPLE DIED OF THE COLD AND YOUR SOLUTION WAS TO SEND MORE PEOPLE?”
aka The History of Russia
aka Arctic Exploration
aka The History of Alaska
Being from Alaska, this was sort of how I felt going to college in the lower 48′s and learned that no one else had been put through a literal survival camp as a regular part of their school curriculum, including but not limited to:
1. Learning to recognize all forms of animal tracks in the wild so you can avoid bears and moose and search out rabbits and other small animals to eat.
2. Extensive swimming and climbing on glacial pieces with competitions to see who could last the longest, followed by a group sit in the sauna so we wouldn’t get hypothermia (no, not kidding, I really did this many times as a kid!)
3. How to navigate using the stars to get back to civilization.
4. How to select the right type of moss from the trees to start a fire with damp wood (because, y’know, you’re in a field of snow. Nothing is dry.)
5. How to carve out a small igloo-like space to sleep in the snow to preserve body heat and reduce the windchill so you won’t freeze to death in the arctic.
“I’m telling you, I don’t think we need to worry about territory conflicts with the humans. You know all those deathtrap hell-worlds in the Argoth Cluster?” “Those worthless rocks? Yeah.” “80% of them are considered ‘resort destinations’ by those freaky little primates.”
“I’m telling you, they terraform for fun!” “Don’t be ridiculous” “No, seriously. Some of their most celebrated cultural loci are built on swamps. They have an entire city that is literally in a body of water. Not, like, an artificial pontoon city, they literally sunk the foundations into water. For Grilp’s sake, they build elaborate structures out of frozen water AND THEN SLEEP IN THEM.” “Dear Thilak. Think we could get them to terraform our moons?” “Psh, they’d probably pay for the privilege.”
Eventually, it occurs to someone that humans are the perfect terraforming shock troops, as it were. They think it’s fun to be sent to horrible planets! They’re really good at surviving and then taming them! All you have to do is sit back and wait until the planet is habitable, and then move there yourself! It’s genius.
It only takes one try before the reality of the situation sets in: human definitions of ‘taming’ and ‘habitable’ are woefully incomplete.
“Why did you not eliminate the venomous plant life?” Grahssk’ti moans, clutching one limb.
“Those?” The human laughs. “Why bother? They’re not that bad. And they eat the mosquitoes.”
Grahssk’ti shudders. The ‘mosquitoes’ are… not to be mentioned. Just one swarm of them caused a landing shuttle to crash three planetary daylights ago.
“And the acid storms? Why did you not warn us of them?”
“I mean, they’re annoying,” the human says, shrugging, “but we figured the cool sunsets made up for it.”
Grahssk’ti flails helplessly. “What about the ten-meter tall Fanged Death Bringers? They can eliminate an entire settlement in under an hour!”
“They’re so cute!” the human says, brightening. “Have you met mine? Her name is Spot!”
