Good morning everyone! In case you have crept FURTHER into the sensory deprivation tank which is everyone’s only source of peace these days: last night Trump fired FBI director James Comey. Comey found out about it on TV, bc Tromp is a lunatic who loves a spectacle. 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸
A few sample call scripts, slightly adapted from Indivisible:
FOR HOUSE GOP:
Hi, my name is [your name] and I’m a constituent from [your town]. I’m calling because I’m appalled by President Trump’s firing the director of an investigation into his own administration’s ties to Vladimir Putin. It’s the kind of thing autocrats do. [SHORT PERSONAL STORY ABOUT WHY U WOULD RATHER NOT BE RULED BY AN AUTOCRAT??] The American people deserve to know exactly what happened, how it happened, and what our elected leaders are doing to prevent it from happening again. Will [Rep’s name] stand up for [his/her] constituents by supporting an independent investigation into Russian tampering in our elections, and co-sponsoring the Protecting Our Democracy Act (H.R. 356)?
FOR SENATE GOP:
Hi, my name is [your name] and I’m a constituent from [your town]. I’m calling because I’m appalled by President Trump’s firing the director of an investigation into his own administration’s ties to Vladimir Putin. It’s the kind of thing autocrats do. [SHORT PERSONAL STORY ABOUT WHY U WOULD RATHER NOT BE RULED BY AN AUTOCRAT??] The American people deserve to know exactly what happened, how it happened, and what our elected leaders are doing to prevent it from happening again. Will [Senator’s name] stand up for [his/her] constituents by co-sponsoring Senator Cardin’s bill, S. 27, which would create an independent investigation into Russian interference?
FOR DEMOCRATS IN BOTH HOUSES:
Hi, my name is [your name] and I’m a constituent from [your town]. I’m calling because [SCREAMING] IT’S ON FIRE!! IT’S ALL ON FIRE, DUDE! HELP!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!
no, just kidding, hahahaha. FOR DEMOCRATS & GOP-ERS WHO HAVE COME OUT IN SUPPORT OF INDEPENDENT INVESTIGATION:
Hi, my name is [your name] and I’m a constituent from [your town]. I’m calling because I’m appalled by President Trump’s firing the director of an investigation into his own administration’s ties to Vladimir Putin. [SHORT PERSONAL STORY ABOUT WHY U WOULD RATHER NOT BE RULED BY AN AUTOCRAT.] I just want to thank [elected’s name] for speaking out and I ask him/her to keep fighting on behalf of his/her constituents and the American people.
Please remember that one of the most effective tools in the arsenal of autocracy is the feeling of hopelessness. People who believe their voices are not useful don’t speak up. People who believe the war is over don’t fight back. But your sense that there’s Nothing You Can Do About All This isn’t an objective truth. It’s a weapon being actively deployed against you by an administration that wants you to stop caring. As MC Lyte once said, Fuck that motherfucking bullshit. Kiss my motherfucking ass.
after u call, u can come to my inbox and i will tell you what a BRAVE, BEAUTIFUL RUBY you are, because you are one, and i love u.
[sleepy hollow gets cancelled two days after orlando jones debuts on a new tv show written by one of the best fantasy writers of the century and calls out the horrific reality of black people’s lives]
Every year I am abruptly reminded of exactly which blogs I follow are run by people who live in Europe (or Australia, or a small handful of other pertinent countries) when they all go simultaneously batshit insane.
Mr. Hamilton asks her to marry him so often it becomes a game. “Marry me, Miss Barlow,” he’ll say when they step together in a dance, smiling at her as the dance separates them.
“I couldn’t marry you today,” she’ll reply when the music joins them again, and his palm presses lightly against hers. “You will note the stormclouds.”
“The rain would not do,” Mr. Hamilton will agree, hers for a few more measures. “Perhaps next week, when the weather clears?”
“Certainly not,” Miranda will say, and caress his thumb briefly with her own, risking the scandalized eye of Lady Heyward. “I could never marry under clear skies.”
2.
James books their passage under the names of Mr. and Mrs. McGraw, and although she understands the necessity–she won’t be parted from him, any more than he’ll be parted from her, and not even the relaxed atmosphere of a merchant vessel bound for Port Royal will allow Mr. McGraw and Mrs. Hamilton to share a cabin–she hates it. James is not her husband, although she’s never loved him more than she does now, the way misery loves grief.
She’ll never have a husband again.
1.
Miranda refuses to marry Mr. Hamilton twice at the opera with the Dudleys, much to their amusement, but she takes his arm and arranges things so the two of them are side by side in the Dudleys’ box. He murmurs softly to her for the duration of the play, clever and wicked by turns, and she had him only the day before, on his knees in Duke R––’s library, but she’s already desperate to have him again.
“Oh, marry me, Miranda,” he says with amused frustration when the night is over, but the conversation is not. “Come home and talk with me until we’ve put Caccini thoroughly to bed.”
“Perhaps tomorrow, Mr. Hamilton,” Miranda says gently, and hopes that her eyes are promising him what she cannot, in their company–that she will give him whatever he likes in private, but she is clever enough to recognize the jaws of marriage, its unyielding bite. She has a few years yet before she must step into the trap.
2.
On the ship from Port Royal to Nassau, no one cares what their names are, or who shares her bed. She lies in the living dark of the ship at night–the men at watch walking above her head, the groaning communion of the ship and sea an endless chorus–and smooths her hand over James’s hair, mindless and repetitive. He’s awake, but quiet, his breath warm on the bare skin of her stomach.
The last thing Thomas said to her was Take care of James.
“I love you,” she says to the man in her bed.
1.
“I would never trap you,” Thomas swears in her bed, tender and relentless. “Would you trap me?”
“Never,” Miranda says, pressing a brief kiss to his knuckles. “But it would not be the same. You would always have power over me.”
He looks at her, very serious. “Would you like power over me?” he asks.
2.
James Flint murders a man at her word, and then returns to her, like an animal at the end of its chain.
He tells her that Alfred Hamilton begged for his life. He tells her that her mother-in-law was there on the ship, too, and he did not spare her. His voice shakes in the telling, and she kisses him for it.
Thomas died alone, in a cold, dark place. Captain Flint is bloodstained and grim in her arms, and she loves him, she loves him, she loves him.
1.
Thomas gives her a ring, a household, the promise of a title, and a small bundle of letters that would ruin him utterly if they fell into the wrong hands. He places them in hers with terrifying ease. “Come live with me,” he says, grinning like he’s won, like she’s won, like they’ve triumphed over an enemy together, “and be my love.”
A year into their marriage, Miranda throws the letters into the fire.
2.
James comes home after a two month voyage and kisses her clumsily at the door, purple shadows under his eyes. She manages to get him to take off his boots before he falls into bed, but he’s too exhausted to remember his belt, or his coat. He’s asleep almost as soon as he lies down, and she sits down beside him, feels a rush of affection so strong it feels like fury.
Oh, she thinks, looking down at the wounded face she knows as well as her own. You are all I have in the world.
The affection dims under the weight of the thought.
My favorite thing about Victor Hugo is that the Notre Dame Cathedral was a huge eyesore on the verge of collapsing and was planned to be demolished but Victor Hugo was like “hey :( I like that building” and wrote The Hunchback of Notre Dame to save it. and it worked
In the book he described the cathedral in the state it was in but also in comparison to what it looked like in the 15th century before it got all fucked up in the French Revolution. His book got translated into a fuck ton of languages and was distributed all around Europe. Tourists who were fans of him would go to see it while in Paris and were appalled to see just how bad of shape it was in and it started to become stain on paris’ reputation.
So finally the king funded the Hella expensive restoration which I imagine was one really fucking gnarly project, the structure it’s self being the tip of the ice burg because of how many religious artifacts and statutes and junk that had been ruined.
So thanks Vicky that’s one hell of a beautiful tower.
So you’re telling me that we still have the Notre Dame Cathedral because of fanfiction?
A Wisconsin mall Santa decided to handle one of the naughty list members early this year when a young girl told him her Christmas wish was for her stepdad to stop molesting her. He and four of his elves attacked the guy, who was waiting nearby, and pummeled him unconscious.
An eyewitness recalled, “Santa didn’t say nothing. He just grabbed the back of the guy’s skull and headbutted him REAL hard.” The witness continued on to say, “Then Kringle got on top of him and just started pummeling him. He was laughing and screaming ‘Ho! Ho! Ho! Motherfucker!’
Dick Grayson is Rromani. Making him into a genocidal fascist is not only an insult to his character but to the Rroma. This is in no way acceptable. It is antiziganist and incredibly disrespectful on so many levels.
He is one of, if not the most iconic Rromani characters and him being made a fascist follows the decision by marvel to have Wanda Maximoff join hydra, a nazi organization. These are blatantly antiziganist and follow a dangerous trend in recent media that threatens the safety of minorities. We are being demonized and being made to be the perpetrators of fascism, of genocide, of Nazism. I have had enough and it is time the creators knew this.
if you are gadje please reblog this. The Rroma will not stand for this. Neither should you.
So me and @alexkablob watched Rogue One and I think I can put into words what resonates so much this time. I realize other people have said this already more eloquently than me but…
While everyone I’ve seen agrees that R1 is fucking gorgeous, the main thing I’ve seen from people who don’t personally like it is that the total party kill is too dark, too depressing, it doesn’t feel like Star Wars exactly; that Star Wars is about hope and good triumphing over evil despite the odds. And look, Rogue One is heavy. You don’t have to personally like that, that’s fair.
But there is one thing that I have to contest. Because….Rogue One is about hope.
The good guys win.
They win. They pass hope like a baton, bloody fingers to sweaty palms, sprinting forward and trusting that someone will manage to slip it into their hand before it’s too late.
The message of Rogue One, the reason I adore it for its quietly unflinching look at sacrifice, isn’t the dark-and-gritty People Die In War, Don’t Be Naive. Its message is…look. Look at humanity. Look at what we do, what we are capable of. The beauty of hope, the love and the faith we have for one another. Look at what courage and compassion accomplish. All the hatred, all the brute force in the galaxy can’t match that simple, silent strength. The Empire fails.
A dark, gritty movie would be: the Empire wins. Or the Rebellion wins but the cost was too high, it wasn’t worth it. Rogue One says, yes, it was.
That soft rising music over the entire end of that relay race, from the moment the plans beam out. It’s quiet, and sad, and solemn–and triumphant.
It says: it’s over. It’s done. It’s all right. It’s all right. It’s all right. You’ve done enough. Breathe. This was worth it.
ok so ANOTHER thing I love about Leverage is how seriously it DOESN’T take Eliot Spencer
because Eliot Spencer, taken at face value, is an absolutely generic white action movie/video game hero, right? has a Troubled Past, beats up armies of goons, cracks wise, hits on ladies, etc.
except that this show’s narrative turns every aspect of that character type into a punchline! not necessarily at his expense - but it goes out of its way to avoid the kind of reverence most testosterone-charged action media give White Male Badasses by sidelining him, refusing to let him play the hero, and making him comic relief most of the time, even when he’s being a Badass
in fact the only times the narrative does treat him with any sort of reverence?
is when he’s being kind. (which he does on a far more regular basis than most other characters of his type)
and that? actually makes him an interesting character
It’s always very telling to me that the two times his violence is given a non-joking, single-minded focus are the two times he has a loaded gun in his hand with the intention of using it. And what sells those scenes is Christian Kane’s acting, and John Rogers’ and Dean Devlin’s willingness to let the acting make the scene, and not music or filmography or anything else. Christian Kane’s emotional depth as an actor amazes me more every time I see him in a role, and his ability to convey more with a still face and speaking eyes than most actors can with their entire bodies would be unbelievable if I hadn’t seen him do it over and over.
The first time was with Nate and the Italian in the warehouse at the end of the Big Bang Job, when he tells them to go, and he picks up loaded guns without immediately emptying them. Nate, as well as the audience, know instantly that something is different, and the solemnity of that moment as a precursor to the (admittedly amazing and over-the-top) fight sequence is fitting. Following the fight sequence with the perfectly acted and filmed moment between Eliot and Chapman made it one of the best sequences in the show.
The second is in The Last Dam Job, when he threatens Dubenich and says that he’s thinking of saving his friend (Nate) a bit of trouble. At this point, we’ve seen him kill before. Once. And the quiet, as well as the shaking of his hand on the gun, makes the moment equal parts touching and terrifying, which I never thought I would say of a scene like that.
John Rogers and Dean Devlin created a masterpiece of a show with Leverage, primarily because they were willing to write a cool story with all the tropes, and then either subvert or hang lampshades on 90% of them.
also: check with ur partner fairly often to see if ur making them uncomfortable. and when you do this you should Encourage them to speak up like “it’s absolutely okay if you’re uncomfortable, just lemme know i will not be at all upset, it helps me adjust my behavior,” etc.
like just asking “am i making you uncomfortable” doesn’t cut it. because to lots of abuse survivors, to speak up means to be punished, and abusers Frequently tell their victims it’s okay to criticize them but get really angry/defensive/self-righteous when you actually do. you gotta make a good faith effort to make sure your partner feels safe enough to tell speak up abt their discomfort, otherwise it doesn’t rly work or count imo
Yeah, I had and still have a huge problem with this, even with trivial shit.
“Are you okay?” *PRESSURES ME*
“Y-yeah?”
Yeah, no. No, you have to make it obvious that you are HAPPY when they tell you they are uncomfortable.
ur personality is defined by ur favorite line in hallelujah
tag your favorite line of hallelujah
“tag your favorite line of hallelujah” scans to Hallelujah.
…
you tried to read the words as prose but noticed how its scansion goes and now you can’t unhear the tune, so screw ya recall the phrase you love the most then once again reblog this post and tag your fav’rite line of hallelujah
has anyone else noticed there’s a very specific way women interrupt each other in conversation that’s quite distinct from the way men interrupt women in conversation? like, women seem to interject a lot more– not as a silencing tactic, but to show their enthusiasm or agreement, cause they perceive a conversation as kind of collaborative, organic exercise. but i feel like men get really annoyed if you excitedly interject when they’re saying something (most specifically in a debate/discussion context) because they perceive conversation as something combative or competitive and see an interjection as a threat or a challenge. i’ve also noticed men dismiss women’s way of talking as being sort of incomprehensible and nonsensical because of this habit we have of seeming to butt in or finish each others sentences excitably.
This was actually very interestingly used in Mad Max and was a stylistic choice in the way the wives spoke to each other, or at other people as a collective.
They finished each others sentences, interjected constantly, echoed important points in reverence/understanding/agreement and relied on each other to complete the communication of a thought or a concept to someone outside their circle.
So like, instead of one of them explaining something, they would all add fragments to form a complete thought. ____
The Vuvalini: What’s there to find at the Citadel?
Max: Green.
Toast: And water. There’s a ridiculous amount of clear water. And a lot of crops.
The Dag: It’s got everything you need, as long as you’re not afraid of heights.
Keeper of the Seeds: Where does the water come from?
Toast: [regarding Immortan Joe] He pumps it up from deep within the earth. He calls it “Aqua Cola” and claims it all for himself.
The Dag: And because he owns it, he owns all of us.
_____
Capable: We are not things!
Cheedo: No!
The Dag: Cheedo, we are not things! Capable: We are not things.
Cheedo: I don’t want to hear that again!
Capable: They were her words.
Cheedo: And now she’s dead!
The Dag: Wring your hands and tear your hair, but you’re not going back. You’re not going back to him.
___
Interestingly, the Vuvalini do this as well.
Everyone else in the movie (including furiosa!) speaks in short definitive statements or exclamations that cannot be piled upon or interrupted. So this was definitely done on purpose.
its very cool.
I wonder if this is just a thing in english/western culture or if other groups of women speak to each other like this?
also theirs a bunch of people in the notes fighting about “I HATE GETTING INTERRUPTED”
This isn’t so much a classic “interruption”. like when someone talks over you to change the subject or say something unrelated or better than what you’re saying and stealing the attention from you,etc.
Its more like the person doing the interruption is expecting you not to really stop talking, or expects you to finish your thought, and is only interrupting to agree/ interject a footnote that is contributory, but not distracting.
So it would look like.
Woman 1 and 2 telling a story to woman 3:
Woman 1 “We sat down and he brought out this really good green tea- Woman 2: –but it was the powder kind of green tea not the bag kind– Woman1: –yeah and he brought out these really cool whisks and let us do it ourselves– Woman 2: and Woman 1 frothed hers so much she had nothing left! Woman 3: omg did you like it? was it good? Woman 1 and 2 in unison: Yes! Woman 1: We should go again together sometime. Woman 2- yeah I think you’d really like it too!
See how Woman 1 is the alpha speaker (the person telling the story) and Woman 2 is the…. hype man? for lack of a better word. Every sentence that Woman 1 says is the story, and woman 2 is adding smaller clarification related details. And when she adds a dynamic detail “had nothing left!” it is an excited interjection that continues the story, without taking ownership of the topic.
Woman 3 will walk away from this conversation feeling that Woman 1 was the expert on this situation, but that Woman 2 had a particularly exciting time.
there was a study on this precisely that I read about, though I’ll need my pc to retrieve it. It was about how women tendentially see conversation as collaborative while men tendentially treat it as competitive, thus women usually interrupt to agree/interject to encourage, while men more often interrupt to talk over and/or demonstrate superior knowledge on a topic.
today at work a man brought a pug in on a leash and that pug was so excited and happy to see me it was as if we were old friends who havent been in contact in 7 years i felt so loved in that moment
today a bassett hound came in and wagged her tail so furiously all of her loose skin started to jiggle and she was so pumped to see me i want more dogs to come into my store they make my life whole and worthwhile
I’m so glad this came back cause a golden retriever named Milly came in today who put her paws on my register counter and wanted to say hi to me and I loved her so much and I scratched her ears and she gave me that classic dopey dog smile
yesterday a girl came in with her boyfriend and in her hand was a tiny tan colored dog that she told me was a chihuahua/pekingese mix and he had a severe underbite and one little canine tooth was poking out and his ears were like bent at the tips and i immediately commented on how amazing he was and she goes omg thanks do you wanna pet him and i was like there is literally nothing more i want to do while being on the clock right now than to pet this incredible tiny dog and he was so sweet and licked my hand and his name was spike
yesterday these people came in and put a blanket into one of our shopping baskets and it started to move and i was like omg whats in there and they set it down on the counter and the blanket kept moving and the suspense was so good like is it gonna be a cat is it gonna be a ferret maybe a lizard and then the smallest chihuahua ive ever seen in my life popped her little head out and licked my finger and i died
A baby german shepherd named Jonathan came in tonight and since i was on the sales floor and not behind a counter i say to the owner omg can i pet this angel and they were like yeah of course and i crouched down and Jonathan ran into my arms and almost tripped over his puppy feet it was 12/10
TODAY a german shepherd named london grabbed one of our lanterns off the shelf and was carrying it around and the owner was like, “london no, we’re not getting that” and gave him the merchandise she was buying instead and he carried it to me and dropped it on the counter at my register and i could have cried
I want everyone to know both London and Jonathan (Jonnie) came in the other day on the same day. Jonnie is much larger since the last time I saw him but still sweet and still acts like a pup, he barked at something in our footwear department. London still likes to carry things and put his paws up on my register to say hello, he carried the insoles his owner bought out the door for her. Also thanks for the notes, it’s nice to see so many people appreciate dogs on here. Another reminder, I see a lot of dogs because I work in a sporting goods store in a strip mall next door to a Petco and we absolutely allow dogs in our store. I live in a mountain town in Colorado and dogs are common here because there are lots of fun outdoor stuff to do with them.
A sheltie in a Petco shopping cart came in yesterday and her name was Sadie and she was so excited to say hi that she jumped out of the cart, onto my register counter, but she missed and Mufasa’d her way to the floor, but she was okay. The owner just let her sit on the counter and she was very well behaved and she gently smelled every item I scanned and also my hand. She was obsessed with her neck being scratched.
today a black lab name paxton came in off leash and he jiggled his way into our back room because the door was open and i yelled He Is Employed! and told his owner that we’d be happy to hire him and then eventually he made his way up to the front by himself and into the register area behind the counter and now he’s my new manager
if your vaccines work so well shouldn’t you be safe whether i’m vaccinated or not 🤔🤔🤔🤔
Do you not know there is something called herd immunity? That some people who are immunocompromised can’t get vaccinated, that a mutation can make previous vaccines less effective?
And if those aren’t clear enough
It’s fucking measles. I had it, my friends had it and we all lived.
Everyone that I knew when I was young got measles and I never knew anyone that had a problem but we all knew that it was a problem for many people because we were told of deaths and problems by our parents. So when my children were young I made sure they got the vaccine since there was one. Why take such a chance if you do not have to.
But also do not take the attitude that there is no problem because we have not heard about it for decades. They used to quarantine people with measles because it was such a problem.
Yeah it on kills 1-2 for every 1000…so let’s see if no one had their vaccinations, assuming only 50% of the population got infected …that’s only about 250,000 people who are now alive who would be dead. Hell that’s only a quarter of million. Yeah we shouldn’t worry about that.
What kind of brain dead fucking idiot says “I had that disease and lived so you don’t need to worry.”? People survive the plague and cancer too. Should we only worry about preventable diseases with 100% mortality rates? Or just ones that will kill loudmouth morons? Just because fate was cruel and spared one idiot does not mean a disease is not a serious health issue.
Ho-ly shit anti-vaxxers make me so mad.
GET YOUR FUCKING CHILDREN VACCINATED
“Fuck the weak” is what I heard
I wish there was a vaccine for goddamn fucking anti-vaxxer bullshit.
I am not anti or pro. I believe each individual should make their own choices. And I am SO TIRED of seeing all of you behave like a bunch of crazed assholes to those who dare disagree with you. Please point all that energy inwards and work on improving yourselves. I know 1/3 of you smokes cigarettes. And 2/3 of you drink soda. How do you like to be screamed at and be called names for your choices that others consider stupid?
…my drinking soda doesnt really have the potential to kill someone else’s baby????????
And like, it does shit to you even if you are not dead? A friend of mine has hearing loss and nerve damage from measles? What the fuck.
1. I am an adult. I am capable of making informed decisions. Your infant is not. Vaccinate her.
2. My drinking a soda once a month does not spread viruses to my child’s entire school.
3. Fuck you and your self-righteous false equivalency. Vaccinate your children.
Sometimes people like to write things about florist’s shops. Here are two things you need to know, the most egregiously wrong things.
1. It makes no fucking sense to sketch out a bouquet before you make it. Every individual flower is different in a way that cannot really be adjusted the way other building materials can be adjusted, and each individual bouquet is unique. Just put the fucking flowers together.
2. No one — in months and months of working at the flower shop — has ever cared what the flower/color of the flower means. No one’s ever asked. It’s just not something people tend to care about outside of fiction and it’s certainly not something most florists know. You know what florists know? What looks good and is thematically appropriate.
Here’s an actual list of the symbology of flowers, as professionals use it:
Yellow – for friends, hospitals Pink – girls, girlfriends, babies, bridesmaids Red – love Purple – queens White – marriage and death (DO NOT SEND TO HOSPITALS) Pink and purple – ur mum Red, orange, and yellow – ur mum if she’s stylish Red, yellow, blue – dudes and small children Blue and white – rare, probably a wedding Red and white – love for fancy bitches
Here are what the flowers actually mean to a florist:
The Fill It Out flowers:
Carnations – fuck u these are meaningless filler-flowers, not even your administrative assistant likes them, show some creativity Alstroemeria – by and large very similar to carnations but I like them better Tea roses – cute and lil and come several to a stalk, a classy filler flower Moluccella laevis – filler flower but CHOICE Delphinium – not as interesting as moluccella but purple so okay I guess Blue thistle – FUCK YEAH, some fucking textural variety at last! you’re getting this for a dude, aren’t you? Chrysanthemums – barely better than carnations but better is still better Gladiolus – ooh, risky business, someone understands the use of the Y-axis, very good
Focal points:
Long-stem roses – yeah whatever Lilies – LBD, looks good with everything, get used as often as possible Hydrangeas – thirsty fuckers, divas of the flower world and rightly so, treat them right and they make you look good Gerbera daisies – the rose’s hippie cousin, hotter but no one admits it Peonies – CHA-CHING, everybody’s absolute favorite but you need guap Orchids – if this isn’t for a wedding you’re probably trying too hard but they’re expensive so keep ordering them
You know what matters? THE CUSTOMER’S BUDGET. THAT’S TELLING.
-$20 – if you’re not under 12, fuck off, get your sugar something else $30 – good for bouquets but an arrangement will be lame $40 – getting there, there’s something that can be done with that. you can get some gerbs or roses with that and not have them look stupidly solo. $50 to $70 – tolerable $80 – FINALLY. It sounds elitist but this really is the basic amount of money you should expect to spend on an arrangement that matters. That’s your Mother’s Day arrangement. You’re probably not going to spend $80 on a bouquet. $90 to $130 – THE GOOD SHIT, you’re likely to get some orchids $130+ – Weddings and death. This amount of money gets you a memorial arrangement or a handmade bridal bouquet. Don’t spend this on a Mother’s Day or a Babe I Love You arrangement, buy whosits a massage or something.
Miscellaneous:
Everything needs greening and if you don’t think that you’re an idiot.
As a new employee, when you start making arrangements, you can’t see the mistakes you’re making because you’re brand new and you’re learning an art form from the ground up.
With a few exceptions customers don’t have a clear plan in mind. They want you to develop the bouquet for them. They want something that will delight their little sweetbread but you’re lucky if they know that person’s favorite color, let alone flower.
Flower shops don’t typically have every kind of flower in every kind of color. Customers generally aren’t assed about that. Most people don’t care about the precise shade of the rose or having daffodils in July, because they’re not boning up on flower language before they buy. That would imply that they’ve got a clear bouquet in mind and, again, they don’t.
Being a florist is essentially a lot like what I imagine being a mortician is about. You’re basically keeping dead things looking good for as long as possible. You keep the product in the fridge so it doesn’t rot and look horrible by the time the family gets a whack at it, and in the meanwhile you put it in a nice container.
The result of reading possibly too many ‘Humans Are Weird’ stories while also listening to Adam Hills standup
So, two humans from different countries with different languages are both seperately brought onto alien ships somehow.
These two ships come across each other, and open a hailing frequency. In the background, one human is quietly singing to themselves as they work. “Tommy used to work on the doooocks~ Union’s been on strike, he’s down on his luck, so tough~”
And then a voice pipes up from the other end of the hailing frequency. “Gina works the diner all daaay~”
All of a sudden these aliens have their respective humans practically yelling something they’ve never heard before over the frequency in perfect union and synchronicity, despite the impossibility of them having ever met.
The aliens question for a good while if their humans were lying when they said humans do not have a hivemind.
(Title because everyone titles their shit ‘humans are weird’ and telling these posts apart is a pain in the ass!) So, saw a post about aliens not being all that great with human swearing. (Wish I’d saved the damn post!) And my first thought was ‘Ah, yes, good! Go with that! That is awesome!” They pointed out that aliens wouldn’t understand swearing such as “Fuck!” or “Asshole!”. I thought “Motherfucker” would be another great one to add to the list. But what about the more um…inventive swears? For example (these are all ones that I use or have heard used):
Human: “Jesus Christ on a crutch!”
Alien: “Where? And how was your deity hurt? For that matter, how did your deity board the ship?”
Human: “Well fuck me sideways!”
Alien: “I do not think that is anatomically possible for either of us…”
Human: “I’ve met some pricks in my time, but you fine sir are the fucking cactus!”
Alien: “Fucking…cactus? Why would you wish to engage in coitus with a dessert plant? Wouldn’t it hurt?!”
Human: “Son of a biscuit eating bull dog!”
Alien: ?????
(Damnit, now I’m on a roll.) But consider some of these other things. What about human name calling? Like, the original post touched on that a bit with the ‘asshole’ comment. But again, what about the more inventive name calling? Children call each other ‘meanie’, ‘poopoo head’, and ‘meanie head’. Those would be confusing enough. Now picture an alien having to deal with adult name calling. Some of my friends have been known to use the following:
Twat waffle
Cunt biscuit
Shitlet
Douchebag
Ass goblin
Fuckwit
Ass clown
Captain Obvious (and their partner, Sergeant Sarcasm)
Butt Munch
Fucktard
Dick face
Shit nibbler (or nibblet)
Cheeky dickwaffle
Pecker head
Dingleberry
Can you picture an alien reacting to THOSE? And what about colloquialisms? What about those stupid sayings that don’t entirely make sense, but we use them anyway? Like, check out some of these beauties, and just imagine the alien’s glorious confusion over some of these:
Human: “I am dragging so much ass that I am wiping out the tracks behind me!”
Alien: “Human you can’t leave tracks on a spaceship, nor is you posterior currently touching the ground.”
Human: (doesn’t trust some space pirate) “You can shake his hand, but you’ll have to count your fingers afterward.”
Alien: Promptly hides human’s hands, he didn’t know that that space pirate was a finger stealer! Or that finger stealers were a thing! Are their own tentacles close enough to count? Should they be worried? Don’t worry, I will protect your fingers my human!
Human: “We better dock soon, because I’ve got to pee like a motherfucker/ racehorse/ mother racehorse (that last is my families fusion of the two. Dont ask).
Alien: ???? (doesn’t compute) ?????
Human: “I’m so hungry I could eat a (insert large animal or item of choice. Such as ‘Spaceship’)!”
Alien: Races off to warn captain that they need to up the human’s food intake before it eats the ship right out from under them!!!!
Human: “He’s slicker than owl shit!”
Alien: ?????
Human: “I’m busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest!”
Alien: Gets migraine trying to picture how a human with one leg could kick anything, much less as a competitor.
Human: “Stop running around like a chicken with your head cut off! Your hair is not on fire!”
Alien: Freezes mid-step to stare at human. “W-what?”
why are yall so afraid to double text like ill be out here sending 9 messages in a row buzz buzz another message? its me bitch i just got a lot to say!!
Step one: Show them how much coins you have, on your hand, on earn, on your tongue. Coins are fucking awesome and you friend is gonna be in awe of your ability to produce them.
Step two: Ask them to fight you. If even your bribery doesn’t work, proceed to step tree.
Step tree: Provoke them to fight you. Tease them about their wife death.
Step four: FIGHT THEM! IT’S AMAZING! SHOW THEM THE SHEER UNHOLY FUCKING DELIGHT OF IT!
Step five: Awesome, you made a new friend! Hopefully, he will be back soon from his journey and them you two can fight some more and do coin tricks together.
So ,I’m a music teacher and every year we have what are called “walk through observations”. Basically, this means that 4 times a year the principal or vice principal comes into my class to assess my teaching. Fine. Sure. No problem.
Well, today I was doing an activity with my 1st graders called “Musical Groceries”. Basically, they make up a fake shopping list and then together we figure out what the rhythm of the words on the list is. To do that, a small group of students plays the beat on the conga drum while the rest of the students move around the room while chanting the word. It sounds weird but it’s a great way for the kids to figure out the relationship between syllables and rhythm.
They quickly get bored of walking the rhythm so I let them come up with their own ways of moving around the room.( skipping, hopping, etc) One student suggested they hop around the room like frogs, way down low to the ground. Okay fine.
Or it was fine until my vice principal walked in to do my observation only to find 20 seven year olds hopping around the room like a hoard of little hob-goblins, rhythmically chanting “BREAD! BREAD! BREAD!” while five other kids played ominous beats in a drum circle.
I have never seen anyone look so confused in my life and I really don’t want to know the rating I got on my observation.
That said, here are some Hamilton facts for y’all that are all true to life (picked from Chernow’s biography, which I read far too often)
Hamilton’s ship caught on fire on the way to America
Burr was the lawyer for Maria Reynolds in her divorce from James Reynolds
At a ball prior to Hamilton and Eliza’s marriage, of which Angelica, Hamilton, and Peggy were attending together, Angelica dropped a garter and Hamilton, like a chivalrous hoe, swoops in to pick it up and Angelica teased him, “haha you’re not a knight of the garter” and peggy goes “nah but he’d be a knight of the bedroom if he could”
I am deadass not making this up. she said that in real life (albeit with different wording)
One time at a debate, Burr was so pissed off at how Hamilton would never shut the fuck up, so he successfully tried to predict all the points he would make and countered them all, making it the only time Hamilton was ever left embarrassed and speechless
maria reynolds was a blonde
hamilton was a ginger. dude had BRIGHT red hair and total mary-sue eyes because people described them as “violet-blue.” WHO HAS VIOLET BLUE EYES
Hamilton BLASTED Eacker in the press after he killed Philip & roasted the shit out of him. dude was ANGRY
After his duel, when Hamilton was rowed across the Hudson, he was the one and only person to be calm, not panicked & not grief-stricken at the prospect of his death
Burr deadass wrote to the doctor tending Hamilton AS HE WAS DYING and said “yo i hope he’s okay” (again, different wording of course)
Prior to his death, one of Hamilton’s sons lawyered for Burr’s second wife, coincidentally named Eliza Jumel, in her divorce from him
Madison was pretty guilt-ridden after Hamilton died (he spread a lot of rumors about his treasury funds) and he went to visit Eliza & try to compensate her for Hamilton’s nonexistent money, as she was in a financial hole, & she goes “nah fuck off” (WORDING DIFFERENTLY OFC) and told him off for being a dick
Theodosia Burr died overseas a few years after Philip & Hamilton’s deaths
When James Monroe came to apologize to Eliza later on in life, after Hamilton’s death, for how shitty he treated him, Eliza - a seventy year old woman at the time - basically said the 18th century version of “fuck you” and roasted his soul out of his body
what im trying to say is that lin portrayed everyone in the musical fuckin amazingly like Got Damn . there was A Lot of irl drama with these eighteenth century ninnies
