tumblr is so annoying y'all can’t just write off people’s entire existences because they’ve done a couple things that weren’t so great do you do that to people in real life like if your friend forgets to use their turn signal or swears in front of a child do you just write them off as problematic trash and never speak to them again how are you living your lives like this it must be exhausting
what a beautiful day to remember that lily evans got married fresh out of high school and then at the age of eighteen joined an underground politically radical vigilante sect and was in all likelihood not a snobby goody two shoes
“HEY STOP! YOU’RE STEALING MY NEIGHBOR’S DOG! WHAT THE FU – oh, they hired a dog walker? hahaha haha.. ha… carry on”
“i’m in the nurse’s office a lot with migraines and you’re always in here organizing her tongue depressors and i really don’t think you go to this school so what gives”
“the building manager neglected to tell me the window washers would be coming by today so excuuuuuuse me for thinking that twenty three floors up was high enough that i could dance around in my office without being seen”
“you’ve been awkwardly inching your way towards the human sexuality section of the bookstore i work at for like fifteen minutes are you looking for something in particular or –?”
“you and your friends have been playing the penis game in the library for the last five minutes and none of you have gotten above a quiet yell and i’m really just trying to study over here so i’m gonna put an end to this by winning the game”
“it’s 2 in the morning and i was just trying to get home but i left my sunroof open all day and now there’s a squirrel in my car and it scared me and i drove into a pole – would you please stop laughing you’re a cop. you’re supposed to be helping”
“my favorite band dropped a new single today and i’ve had it on repeat for seven hours and i can see you judging me but that isn’t going to make me shut it off"
“hey new neighbor it appears that your dog likes me a thousand times better than she likes your partner and they’re really jealous and i’m sorry but not really because hellloooooo there”
“you can’t get tattooed drunk, come back in the morning and if you still want my name on your ass we’ll talk”
A “squick” was a trope or topic that made the reader deeply uncomfortable, even might cause anxiety or intense emotional reactions
Everyone’s squicks were personal and diverse, and it was considered polite to say, “sorry I can’t read this because it squicks me, but you have fun in your corner doing what you doing”
Can we bring that back and reserve “trigger” for MI people who mean “if I see this I will have flashbacks and dissociate for hours”
I wasn’t aware this concept had fallen out of fandom. Seriously, bring it back, it’s useful as hell.
Key to the concept of “squick,” as it was first explained to me lo these many years ago, is that it is not a value judgment. If I say “mpreg is gross,” that’s a negative statement about mpreg (and, by extension, about those who enjoy writing or reading about it). If I say “mpreg squicks me,” that’s a value-neutral statement about me and my emotional reactions and how they affect my enjoyment of fiction.
And, as OP says, it does not carry the implications of intensity or trauma that “trigger” does. (Although I will point out that a trigger doesn’t have to cause flashbacks or dissociation. There are people a lot better qualified than I am to talk about that.)
Yes, yes, yes please to all of this!
squick: Something that makes you go “ewwww” and wish you had never seen/read it. Something that makes you deeply uncomfortable. Something you’re not interested in reading/seeing/thinking about, ever.
trigger: Something that you associate with/reminds you of a past trauma (mental, emotional, or physical) and therefore triggers your personal reaction to trauma (be it flashbacks, panic/anxiety attacks, unhealthy behaviours, a crying jag, whatever).
Please, please, please don’t use them interchangeably.
I may have reblogged this before but it’s worth doing again: such a useful concept.
like you can be sitting in your kitchen at 2am eating pasta sauce out of a jar with a spoon and the only thing you think is “this is really tasty i wonder what it would be like spread on toast”
or going into the library and seeing someone sat at a computer wrapped in a duvet and thinking “that’s a genius idea”
or seeing someone sitting in a lecture with a 2 pint bottle of milk just swigging from it and just being jealous
literally anything goes. no one is gonna question your habits bc guaranteed they will have done something equally bizarre
Current Me: I came back in time four weeks to tell you … you’re about to watch your new favorite movie.
Past Me: ‘K.
Current Me: It’s the fourth installment in a series.
Past Me: … Okay …
Current Me: It’s an action movie about cars, essentially a two hour car chase scene.
Past Me: But I hate –
Current Me: Yeah, I know. Listen. It stars the dude who played Bane in that shitty Batman movie. It was directed by the same guy who helmed such classics as Happy Feet, and Happy Feet 2.
Past Me: I –
Current Me: His most recent live-action film? Babe 2: Pig in the City.
*puts on feminist media critique hat*:
I'm glad that there was no kiss or forced romance between Furiosa and Max.
*puts on filthy shipping hat*:
I want them to touch each other's scars with trembling fingers, run reverential hands over the other's body, and fuck tenderly underneath cyan post apocalyptic stars as they reach tentatively into one another's souls in the hope, the faintest thread of hope, that they might find redemption there.
“The Rashomon Job” episode of Leverage was perfect. “Multiple people tell the same story in very different ways” is one of my favorite tropes, and God, it was so good. I love these characters. I love this show.
Ikr! To be honest, Gina Belman really makes this episode for me, the many wonderful accents she does as Sophie Deveraux just bring me so much joy. And it’s so much fun to rewatch this episode and look at how they all viewed the different players and their own roles.
Her accents! And also that fact that Parker apparently perceives everything Sophie says as nonsense! I was gasping with laughter by that point.
Also I love that Leverage is a show about people who care about each other and have fun together. It’s not all dire stakes and doom and gloom all the time, even if they do deal with serious issues sometimes. I just love watching people building friendships and families together, especially if the people in question are complete weirdos. Leverage <3 <3 <3
• ‘I just whistled for and called for a taxi and you misheard and thought I wolf whistled at you and shouted “Sexy!” so now you’re very pissed and I’m very confused’ au
• ‘You just dissed one of your friends super bad and I burst out laughing (because damn that was clever) and now you all think I’m a creep’ au • ‘A few assholes are giving you shit so I’m pretending to be your friend in hopes that the creeps will leave you alone’ au • ‘You just dropped what you were doing in a crowded subway and shouted “STOP, WAIT A MINUTE” and I’m the only one who shouted “FILL MY CUP, PUT SOME LIQUOR IN IT” in return’ au • ‘I’m a barista at Starbucks and I can never spell your name right, how about you write it down for me and also maybe give me your number?’ au • ‘We both had our eyes set on the last Kit Kat bar in the convenience store but you decided to be a decent person and let me have it but I’m a better person then you so I decided we should share it’ au • ‘I’m forced to sit in your lap because this bus is ridiculously crowded anD CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SMELLING MY NECK, I KNOW I SMELL GOOD BUT YOU’RE STARTING TO FREAK ME OUT’ au • ‘I just heard my neighbor slip and fall in the shower and now I have to go and check if they’re all right (I also might want to see them naked because hot damn they’re gorgeous but that’s not the point)’ au • ‘You’re bilingual and I just witnessed you screaming bloody murder at your friend, constantly switching between four different languages while yelling, and now I’m both terrified and impressed with your powers’ au • ‘You decided to learn a second language for extra credit and the one you choose to learn coincidentally turns out to be my mother language, how about I end your suffering and offer to teach it to you?’ au • ‘Our teacher called on you during class today except you weren’t paying attention so you just responded with the most inhuman shriek ever, and now I can’t stop laughing’ au
Okay so if you’re anything like me you see those lists of au ideas floating around and you like them but when it comes time to write something and you need an idea you have no idea what you tagged them as or if they’re buried somewhere in your likes so….have a list of some of the ones I’ve come across! (updated with more lists on march 8th, 2015)
“i came to the gym to work out but holy god i can’t stop watching you do one armed push ups that’s so hot” au
“this is totally awkward considering before this the only interactions we’ve ever had have been casual nods to each other in the hallway but there’s a huge fucking spider in my bath tub and you seem like the friendly neighbor type please help me” au
“you’re the only delivery person who gets to my house in any semblance of the word fast which is why i keep requesting you but you don’t believe me and tease me constantly about it” au
“okay i get it you’re a great thief and don’t want to go to jail but i’m the exhausted af detective that’s assigned to catch you i stg if you let me bring you in so i can sleep i’ll get you a good deal” au
"okay i get that there are no seats left in this cafe but like i am trying to read here no you cannot have this chair my feet are using it thank you very much please get out of my face now” au
“my parents moved me halfway across the world when we were twelve and before that we were best friends but now i’m back and moving in across the hall from you so hi?” au
“i’ve been travelling a lot and somehow you’re in every single city i go to seriously what the fuck who even are you how are you doing this” au
“we’ve been nothing but friends for our whole lives but then we played seven minutes in heaven on a dare and now i think i might actually be in love with you” au
“ngl i thought you were the weak one of this friend group but your whole life just went to complete shit around you and somehow you’re still acting the same so if you want to be weak you can be around me” au
“my guitarist quit the night before the gig that could mean the big break for a band that i have put my soul into and supposedly you’re really good but i swear to god if you screw this up for me i will hunt you down and slit your throat” au
“it seems we’re the only two people in this class that actually know what the fuck is going on want to team up for this project and ruin everybody’s lives” au
“we started arguing about which hogwarts house this one character would be in and we completely lost track of time and now you’re demanding i take you out to dinner is this a date” au
“i’m the private investigator that was hired by your ex to track you down and you totally caught me sitting outside your apartment in a rental car so hi what up” au
“i came to check out this support group but things have kind of been majorly sucking lately and you were there and i didn’t even know anything was wrong but we’ve known each other for months what gives” au
“i’m the lawyer helping you get custody of your daughter and oops you’re all kinds of adorable with her and also i think she’s growing attached to me is this good or bad” au
“i meant to text the contact one above you in my phone’s contact list for a booty call but i didn’t realize i hit your name until i sent it so now i’m just sitting here feeling those little three dots hardcore judging me” au
“we started dating after months of sexual tension between us but then you moved across the country so now we’re trying to figure out how to make this brand new relationship work long distance” au
“so not to be rude or anything but i’ve been coming to this cemetery at this time on this day every week for fucking years and i’ve always been alone up until now seriously what the hell” au
“it’s the middle of the night and i’m walking home alone in the dark and there’s this guy following me and he’s starting to gain on me and i found this phone booth with a lock on the door and i tried to call my best friend but my hands were shaking so badly i accidentally dialed the wrong number and i don’t even know you but help me” au
I mean, dystopian stories about revolutions and redefining social order in the wake of worldwide catastrophes are cool, but you know what’s #1 on my list of wasted post-apocalyptic plot devices?
This is a thing that exists right now and was created as a safeguard against accidental loss of crop diversity. 700,000+ seed samples from all over the world are stored inside a giant concrete vault in a remote location in permafrost conditions so in case we fuck up everything like we’re probably going to we’ll be able to re-invent agriculture from scratch.
Also it looks like this
and it might as well have FREE PLOT DEVICE TO GOOD HOME written all over it, because can you imagine a bunch of exhausted, discouraged, hungry and injured kids travelling thousands of miles in search of this place they weren’t sure even existed, coming up a frozen slope and finally seeing it
walking through this tunnel in stunned, reverent silence because they’re afraid to let themselves believe this is real
coming inside the actual vault that’s lined floor-to-ceiling with the stuff that’s going to feed what’s left of humanity and jump-start new ecosystems.
If you know about this place and can’t imagine a fantastic post-apocalyptic story of hope and discovery and spiritually-tinted science about the equivalent of present-day millenials pulling the world out of darkness by learning to grow kidney beans
You’re a rebel by accident cause you get really animated when you talk and hit people in the face leading to fights. Now you just roll with it. I know the truth though.
Totally saw you spray paint the principals car and you’ll have to buy me dinner to keep me quiet.
I pretty much live in detention and you’re a straight A student here on your first offense. Wanna add another and skip detention with me?
Every time I get in a fight you patch me up but now I’m the one patching you up after your tripped on thin air.
I’m a super tough punk who hates authority. Your parents are cops who have met me more than once but I like you a lot.
Me and my buddies vandalized your backyard trampling your mini garden in the process. Now I feel really shitty cause you’re really upset about this. Look I’ll help fix it okay just stop with the sad faces.
Accidentally knocked you out when you got caught in the middle of a fist fight between me and this other kid during school. So I sat with you in the nurses office. Shut up! Punks like me have consciouses to you know!
You’re always picking fights and I’m the one who has to use my charm and way with words to stop them from getting out of hand.
You’re a police officer and I’m constantly in and out of holding/jail and we get to know each other well so sometimes you give me my favorite treats when no ones looking.
I’m always fighting and getting in trouble at school so people avoid me. You frequent the small ice cream shop my parents own and know how kind I am to children and elderly people but I don’t realize this.
You give me a piggy back ride (or ride home) after I got out of a brutal fight and can barely stand.
I brought my new kitten to school hold her please while I kick this guys ass.
You drive a massive SUV and steal my parking spot all the time and I was just heading out to leave a strongly worded note under your windshield wiper but oh no you’re hot AU
I’m a barista and you’re the obnoxious customer who comes through and orders a venti macchiato while talking on the phone the whole time so I misspell your name in increasingly creative ways every day AU
I’m a busy businessperson and my barista keeps misspelling my name in increasingly disrespectful ways, honestly, who does this person think they are AU
We were both playing wingman for our friends who have now decided to go home together, and after five minutes of conversation we fucking hate each other, let’s bang it out AU
I saw you trying to hit the “door close” button in the elevator but I made it in and then I pushed every single button to make you later for work, but now we’re stuck in this fucking elevator as it stops at every single floor and I don’t know what to say other than “you started it” AU
I asked for your help getting a book off the top shelf and and you laughed at my taste and called me a nerd so I shoved you into a table of nonfiction best-sellers and that’s how we both got banned from the quirky community bookstore AU
I take my grades very seriously and you’re the lazy asshole who asks a ton of off-topic questions to distract the professor and I might be a foot shorter than you but I swear to god I’ll fight you AU
You tried to barge into a private conversation so I said something devastatingly witty and dismissive but you came back with something even meaner and more clever AU
Shouting match over the last Thanksgiving turkey at the grocery store AU
hades isn’t a badass. hades named his three-headed-guard-of-the-underworld-dog spot. hades whispers to his flowers to make them grow. hades grows fruit. there’s no sun in the underworld.
hades isn’t a badass. stop saying this false thing
In myth, Hades’ most remarked upon traits are 1) how
responsible/reliable he is, 2) how sober-minded he is, 3) how dedicated,
implacable, and long-remembering he is, and 4) how boring and grim
most of the other Olympians think he is to be around. Oh and notably,
that if you play him a song he likes, he’ll basically give you anything
you ask for (though not without conditions.)
Hades is, canonically, a gigantic nerd. If they’d had train sets,
he’d have been the Olympian who collected train sets, meticulously corrected with exacto knife and hobby-paints the errors toy-makers introduced to those train sets, and then endlessly talked about
those train sets to anyone sat next to him at thanksgiving dinner (when
he wasn’t trying to rope them into an interminable discussion about
gardening or divine law, that is.)
He’s the sort of god who frequently handed out punishment like giving
someone a million-piece puzzle where every piece is shaped the same,
that resets itself at the start of every day if you don’t complete it,
and then he keeps the last piece on his person at all times as a secret
private joke for eternity because he finds you personally
distasteful (not even because he’s mad at you or hates you particularly;
he just doesn’t like you as a person)
He is. A. Gigantic. Nerd.
He’s also like one of the only gods who is faithful to his wife. And he listens to her like when she asks for a soul to be released and he’s like “But honey, the rules.” And she just gives him that look and he goes “Yes dear,” and lets the soul go with the easiest freaking instructions ever in a myth. And the human still fucks it up. Not his fault Persephone, not Hades’ fault this time.
Essentially, Hades is sorta like the accountant suburban dad who collects really specific figurines and gets really grumpy when people mess up his lawn. Do you know how hard his wife worked on those roses? He is calling his attorney. Oh wait, he is also an attorney.
ppl who dont understand the dynamic of ethnic oppression in europe obviously havent gotten to that unit in 7th grade history how close minded and uneducated can u be to not understand that all racism is oppression but not all oppression is racism how can u turn a blind eye to the fact that yes a great vast majority of holocaust victims were white but would u not classify the deadliest genocide in history as oppression??? when franco was trying to wipe out non-castilian ethnic groups in spain like the catalans and the basques and the galicians was that not oppression???? what about the balkan conflicts in the 90s??? yes somewhere within their histories these oppressed groups have benefited from white/european privilege but that doesn’t mean that they haven’t been oppressed and targeted and killed off because the american formula for discrimination is not something that can be applied to the rest of the world’s history esp countries that have been somewhat racially homogenous until the modern globalized era
“I love that character,” I say as I come up with upsetting headcanons for them. “Absolutely adore them,” I tell you as I bunny up sad story ideas for them. “They’re my favorite,” I sigh as I pick the most depressing songs for a playlist for them.
“I just want them to be happy,” I insist as I write horribly angsty oneshots centered around their misery.
vikings made their woman handle the finances because they thought math is witchcraft
During a military campaign, Vlad the Impaler, the basis for Dracula, once pulled his troops out of a major engagement in a valley at dusk so that the sun was in their enemies’ eyes. Once they were over the hill, they set loose a bunch of rabid bats who flew away from the sun (towards the enemy) and attacked them, leading to significant infection in their ranks, and Vlad’s eventual victory. Because of how the bats appeared from where Vlad’s soldiers appeared to be at dusk, myth stated that the soldiers turned into bats at night, which is where the “Dracula can change into a bat” thing came from.
the roman emperor Gaius made his favorite horse a senator.
“Things I must you tell a lot of, believe it you hardly can, but hear tomorrow it already will you, be well in the meantime. Oh my ass burns like fire! what on earth is the meaning of this!—maybe muck wants to come out?” -Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, in a letter to his cousin Marianne
The Romans would add lead to their wine because they thought it tasted better, historians believe that this caused a rise in the amount of mentally disabled babies, possibly including Gaius and some other emperors
why y’all saying “Gaius” like it means shit though
it’d be like “president John” or “James” or “George”
Buy a bat (I have my old color guard rifle) or similar. Keep it in your room/near your bed.
Get a lock for your bedroom door.
If you’re moving into a new place, change the locks. Who knows who had a key to your place before you.
Keep your phone/a phone in your room.
Get a weather alert system set up. App, weather call, little weather radio that tells you about major weather events.
Adopt a pet
Wave at your neighbors. Take note of the ones that make you uneasy. Watch out for kids always.
Be nice to your mail person. No matter what.
If you choose to drink/etc alone, unplug your wifi router. You’ll thank me.
Have extra seating. People sit when they visit. Your one comfy chair is great for you. Not so great for you + grandma + ur five cousins, your aunt, and a couple others.
Learn the self-Heimlich
When you take a shower, bring your phone to the bathroom in case you fall your phone is no longer halfway across the house, it’s just on your counter
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Idk what else
If you live in an one-room apartment, put a screen around your bed. It’ll feel less like you visit people, esp. strangers, into your bedroom. Also you’ll feel much safer sleeping in the enclosure.
Cook enough for a few meals each time you cook, and freeze the extra food. That way you’ll prevent things from expiring and it’s great when you don’t feel like cooking or have no time or energy for it.
Give a key to someone near you trust, or hid it somewhere few people will look, like up in a tree. Shutting yourself out isn’t nice, esp. not at night.
Put something translucent like curtains or stickers for windows where people can walk past or look in. You’ll feel less watched that way.
Put some contant money somewhere in your room. Good to have in case your bag gets lost or stolen.
Feeling lonely? Remember, online contacts are not less valuable.
I would say maybe set reminders for everything too. Taking meds/vitamins, working out, going to sleep, waking up.
Buy a small fan for white noise at night if you’re the kind (like me) that gets anxious at all the little ambient noises that ANY building can supply in the dark.
Don’t watch scary movies in the dark by yourself, with no visitors.
NETFLIX, if you can afford it. It’s also useful because you can watch movies / shows with your online buddies at the same time, miles and states and (sometimes even) countries apart.
get an app like safetrek. never walk into allies or empty streets if there is a more populated/well-lit route to your destination. keep emergency contacts in your wallet and a red cross card with your blood type on it in case anything happens. carry a list of medications you’re allergic to, if any.
walking around with a headset or headphones discourages people from yelling at you on the street, and it’s easier to escape from hasslers. however, it’s pretty advisable to not have anything actually playing so you can be aware of your surroundings. if anything, have it at low volume.
if you get grabbed on the street (this used to happen to me a lot), immediately scream, and the person will usually get startled, giving you time to get away.
if you feel like you’re in a really bad place, call someone, or even pretend like you’re calling someone. say where you are. act like you’re planning on meeting up with them. be loud about it. make it seem like someone will notice if you go missing, even for a little bit.
also u should look up manufacturer’s coupons like damn i feel like a successful suburban mom every time i walk into cvs and save 2 dollars on my toothbrushes
Have a backup of three days’ worth of meds if you can. Hide it so nobody steals it and you aren’t tempted to use it instead of refilling. Replace these fairly often.
Have a decent first aid kit – you can buy one or put one together from other purchased parts. Know how to use it. There’s great resources for how to build and use one online.
Keep a supply of hygiene/illness supplies on hand; pads, tampons, yes, but also heating pad/water bottle/rice bag. Thermometer, a variety of painkillers, cold medicine.
A couple big trash bags, some quick and easy cleaning supplies, a box of corn starch (to solidify liquid messes), latex/vinyl/nitrile gloves, plastic shopping bags, some extra cleaning cloths and washrags in a bucket under the sink in the bathroom. You WANT to plan ahead for horrifying messes, TRUST me, my darling babies. If you’re going to be going off at both ends during a nasty bout of the Martian Death Flu, you want to spread one of those bags out on the floor to contain misses and spills, keep the bucket with a shopping bag in it handy, and STAY BRAVE. This from experience. This REALLY helped ease my mind when I was the sickest I had ever been.
Extra hidden toilet paper, baby wipes to clean up tender areas, basically anything you might need in an emergency where you are really sick and can’t leave the house.
Make sure there is a list of emergency contacts posted visibly in your house, numbers along with names and relations. Put the numbers for a people and a pet poison control center on there, too, you might need them. Maybe even make sure your address is written there. In a panic, I have forgotten my own address. This is eminently possible if you move a lot.
Have a notebook hidden somewhere with all the important adult stuff you need to know in it. Go nuts with it. Not your bank account number, but your bank’s number to call if your card is stolen. Your car’s information. Utility company billing numbers. Just … anything you might need quick reference for or might need in an emergency if your house is thoroughly robbed. Hide this book where you can find it and could direct someone to it, but it isn’t in plain sight.
Have a notebook with all your friends’ and relatives addresses and phone numbers, and if possible, their hours of operation, in case you need to reach people fast, or in case you need someone to talk to NOW. Call those numbers when you have to. Please.
And, last, something I really don’t want to have to tell you to do, but I’m gonna do it anyway because it makes things easier in an emergency.
Please have handy the phone number of an emergency 24-hour vet. Have it on your fridge so you can remain calmheaded and not flail around in what’s already gonna be a hard time for both of you. CALL AHEAD and tell them what to expect so they can be ready for you. Stay calm as you can, your pet needs you. You can freak out later. Be strong.
And please think in advance what you plan to do with your friend’s mortal remains so when the time comes you aren’t caught not knowing what to do.
Talk to your family about whether you want your organs donated after you die, and what they want done with their organs.
I don’t get how some mothers can say “i don’t care the gender as long as the baby’s healthy i will love them” before going into labour for 8+ hours then 17 years later kick their daughter Jessica out of the house because she was born a Justin.
omg so yesterday i put a salt line on the pathway to our front door because i was fucking around and my brother was pretending to be a demon
and today we ordered pizza and the salt line was still there
and my brother went outside to sign for the pizza
and the pizzaman refused to step over the salt line, like he almost did and then he backed up and handed my bro the pizza and left; which is pretty ridiculous because it’s far from our door
so a heads up to everyone i’m pretty sure domino’s is actually run by demons??? kind of like how in men in black the post office is run by aliens
What I love about Wilson Fisk is that when Vanessa initially rejects him, and then later says she doesn’t know if she wants to see him again, he respects that and is like alright if you’re not interested I’ll just get on with my business and he doesn’t push her into anything so I guess the takeaway is if a man who bashes peoples heads off with car doors treats women better that you do, you need to rethink some things in your life
In about four days of existing this post has gained more notes than I have followers. There have been some pretty interesting tags and comments so far:
My favorite thing, though, is people including the names of their stuffed animals:
“i just got turned into an incubus or a succubus and i’m like the least smooth and most self-conscious person on the planet so i’m literally starving because i don’t know how to seduce people” AU. BONUS POINTS IF THEY ARE A VIRGIN.
“i’m a siren and i keep accidentally forgetting that i have roommates now and and end up putting them in my thrall when i’m singing taylor swift songs in the shower” AU
“i’m a newly-turned werewolf without a pack and i can’t really control myself well on full moon nights yet and you keep finding me passed out naked on your lawn” AU
“i got cursed and turned into an animal and taken to the shelter and ended up getting adopted by someone who is really hot OH NO” AU
“i’m a med student who has a huge crush on the hot guy who works at the coffee shop who always gives me free drinks when i’m stressed and calls me princess even though i pretend i think it’s annoying but i’m extremely concerned about him because he always smells like smoke so i always give him lectures about how terrible cigarettes are for you and i may have made a powerpoint which is probably excessive but lung health is extremely important and oops it turns out he’s part-dragon or something hahahaha oops” AU
“my best friend got turned into a frog and now i’m being the best wingman/woman/person ever by carrying them around to bars and getting hot people to kiss them in hopes of hooking them up with their true love” AU
“i’m a history major and i keep getting into arguments with one of my classmates about things because they keep saying i’m wrong so i finally scream, ‘how would you know?!?’ and they’re like, ‘because i was THERE!’ and that’s how we all find out that there is a centuries-old vampire taking our British history class” AU
i just saw an ad that was probably supposed to say accident lawyers but it said accidental lawyers and i can’t sotp laughing “just got my law degree aw man this wasn’t what i meant to do how am i gonna get out of this one”
i love this post because my dad literally got his law degree by accident?? he was the first person in his family to go to college and he didn’t understand how majors worked (he thought that it was just like.. if you take a lot of math classes you’re a math major and that it was just a figure of speech) so when it was time for him to declare his he realized he hadn’t actually been working towards any major in particular.
so he went through and looked at the required classes for every major offered at his college to see if the classes he had taken matched with anything, and lo and behold he found a pre-law degree. and he thought, “well ok, i guess being a lawyer doesn’t sound too bad.” and that’s how my dad became a lawyer.
do you have any recs for (ya) books (or movies!) that ~feel~ like fanfiction? (this is a weird ask, but i feel like if anyone were to understand what i mean, it's you?) cheers
books:
A Hero at the End of the World by Erin Claiborne (coffeeshop AU, but also MAGICAL)
Grasshopper Jungle by Andrew Smith (bisexual awakening slash sci-fi B movie apocalypse AU)
The Raven Cycle series by Maggie Stiefvater (modern AU Marauders)
Teeth by Hannah Moskowitz (human/merboy AU)
The Coldest Girl in Coldtown by Holly Black (what if vampires? AU)
Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Saenz (a plain old fashioned high school AU of the first water)
The Secret History by Donna Tartt (college AU written by a classics major)
Call Me By Your Name by Andre Aciman (one of those boring in theory but actually incredible AUs that make you never want to read the source material ever again)
Carry On by Rainbow Rowell (this is literally a novel based on fanfiction one of her characters wrote in Fangirl, sooo - COMING THIS OCTOBER)
other media:
Penny Dreadful (gothic literature fanfiction with a few OCs, like Ethan, the gunslinging, soft-spoken, bisexual American werewolf)
Jupiter Ascending (someone got their hands on the self-insert novel you wrote when you were 12 and threw a few million dollars at it)
Captain America: The Winter Soldier (I mean seriously)
Sense8 (all these people have a mental connection, experience each others’ lives, and have singalongs and group sex)
The History Boys (high school AU, bonus everyone’s queer)
Kill Your Darlings (highbrow film about a literary movement, actually includes the shit you wanna see like library blowjobs and Daniel Radcliffe getting banged, possibly feels like fanfiction because visually it is Drarry)
Agent Carter (cute G-rated WIP about Peggy’s adventures, will probably end up being Peggy/Angie, makes you cry about Steve like 10 times even though it’s a gen fic)
It was my senior year in high school and wrestling season had just ended. My aunt sent me a congratulatory musical card – the kind that plays part of a song when you open it – which I thought would be fun to tape to the inside of my locker (I shared this locker with a friend of mine) so that it played every time I opened it. This one played “Simply the Best” by Tina Turner. It worked, and I enjoyed it for a few days until the weekend which I spent in the mountains on a hiking trip with my dad and brother.
When the trip was over I checked my phone and saw that I had a voicemail from my locker-mate saying there was “a bomb scare or something” and that I had to talk to my principal on Monday. That Monday morning, I met with my principal who explained to me that a night janitor heard a ticking noise coming from my locker (apparently that’s what those cards start to do when they run low on battery) and called the police, who called the bomb squad, who shut down the two major intersecting roads near my school and brought in a robot to inspect my locker. When the robot x-rayed the locker, they saw the “device” taped to the door, some half-empty water bottles that happened to be on the top shelf that they thought must have been chemicals or explosives. They also thought they saw wires connecting everything together. Eventually they saw the monstrosity for what it was and shut down the operation, but apparently it was a pretty elaborate production. The article made the front page of the local newspaper the next day, complete with a photo and everything.
I never really got into trouble in high school and the principal knew who I was, so after talking for a few minutes we agreed that the whole thing was an honest mistake and that there was no malicious intent (although he said some parents were upset to the point that they wanted me suspended, expelled, or even to pursue some kind of legal action) and he let me off the hook.
In his own words: “I’m not exactly sure what I’m supposed to lecture you about, but I have to say something. I guess don’t… uhh… modify lockers anymore?”
So a new blog has started called “Is There Rape In It”. Basically, it’s a blog dedicated to listing movies, TV shows, and videos game that have rape in them, so that victims and survivors can avoid triggers.
Since they have just started up, they don’t have full lists yet. So if you are aware of rape in any of those forms of media, please reblog their lists and let them know!
One of my friends asked me the other day if I would suck one thousand dicks for a billion dollars, and I love questions like that because not only are they so demonstrative of the no-homo society we live in, but they also show a fundamental lack of understanding that some people have for the value of money. Like, do you realize just how much money one billion dollars is? Do you realize I could live my life in the lap of luxury buying literally everything I could ever want and still have a fortune to leave to my children?? For sucking some dicks?? We are talking 1 million dollars per dick sucked!! That’s just economical like come on man.
