- so during this show
- (cinderella)
- (i was a stepsister)
- we made a bet
- it was a bet on me
- but not some wishy washy bet for a sandwhich deal
- this was real life
- this was money
- and the bet was that I could not touch every butt of every person in the show
- (every butt)
- i took the challenge immediately
- (i am not weak)
- but I had to do it all in one show
- and i had
- 10 minutes
- (10 minutes of time when i was not onstage)
- so what is a girl to do
- i can not touch every butt backstage
- (every butt)
- i had limited time
- i had to get
- creative
- i get the techies first
- it took me the whole ten minutes
- (they run fast)
- and I get the extras and some others in the dance sequence
- (multitasking)
- but here’s the thing
- now I have to get the main actors
- how will she do it?
- you ask
- well
- i will tell you
- i’ll tell you how i did it
- it’s called acting
- i touched the butts
- onstage
- (all of the butts)
- i touch the prince’s servant’s butt on my way onstage
- (a light tap)
- (too fast for the naked eye to see)
- oh but he felt it
- he knew
- he knew i was out for the butts
- (every butt)
- i saw the fear in his eyes
- no
- he mouths to me
- but it is too late
- i’ve gone too far
- i must not stop
- twenty minutes until the end
- i must work fast
- i touch my stepsister’s butt
- she is not surprised
- she has bet money on this
- (she knows what i am capable of)
- i touch my stepmother’s butt
- she is standing
- she forgets her line
- (she has lost seven dollars)
- and now things become
- difficult
- i am on the floor of the stage
- (for the scene)
- and the prince
- (the next victim)
- (he has bet against me)
- he is standing above me
- facing away from me
- butt first
- this is my chance
- it is now or never
- i put a hand on the back of his leg
- he knows
- he is speaking
- his voice cracks
- he smells defeat
- his defeat
- my hand ventures up
- (towards the butt)
- he begins to sing
- i touch the butt
- (every butt)
- i have won
- he stumbles over a word
- he is the loser
- the curtain closes
- i have done it
- all that is left is the wedding scene
- i have touched all the butts
- (every butt)
- i can’t believe you got cinderella’s butt
- one says backstage
- my heart stops
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOy6hqzfsAs
- i have not gotten the last butt
- (the most precious butt)
- i cannot do it
- i think
- i am in a quick change
- (another girl’s hands are down my pants)
- i cannot do this during the wedding scene
- but i will not lose
- i have come so far
- i stop
- your shoes
- the techie says
- i cannot come back
- it must be done
- i walk
- no
- i run
- to the next room
- cinderella is there
- wearing a tan leotard
- this is it
- i think
- i do not know this girl well
- (she is catholic)
- god forgive me for the sin i am to commit
- i whisper
- (i cross my chest)
- the time has come
- a crowd has circled around the room
- they are watching
- waiting
- cinderella does not know
- she has not yet truly been exposed to the world and its horrors
- (she will be)
- i stop
- i am so close
- i do it
- both hands are on the butt
- (the most precious butt)
- i have done it
- i’m sorry
- i say
- it had to be done
- don’t stop
- she says
- what
- i say
- i did not expect this
- a variable has been thrown into the equation
- (the butt equation)
- i like it
- she says
- she looks back at me
- i look at her
- (ten seconds until curtain)
- she does not blink
- (nine seconds)
- i do not know what to do
- (eight seconds)
- my hands are still on the butt
- (seven )
- i want to move them but i cannot
- (six)
- i am not wearing shoes
- (five)
- the stage manager busts in
- (saved by the manager)
- the next five seconds are a blur
- my hands are no longer on the butt
- (i don’t know how)
- i am on stage
- i am not wearing shoes
- the theatre teacher is in the audience
- she knows
- she sees
- this is the end
- i think
- it was worth it
- i bow
- i am smiling
- i have won
(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
Y'know what, I’ve decided that Clint met Nat after he was already married, and as they became better and better friends, she’s coming over to the house, she’s playing with the kids, she’s connecting with Laura, etc he was horrified to find that he was falling in love with her, because he loves Laura and didn’t want to ruin his family. And one night he confesses this all to Laura and says “if you don’t want me to work with her anymore I’ll explain it to her and move to a different department” and instead of making him do that Laura was all “…actually I’m sorta in love with her too; I mean I’m not interested in having sex with her but I fantasize about touching her romantically and I really want her to be part of our family”
So they open up their marriage to Nat and at first Nat is like “sure” because she loves them both back, but as Nat starts to outgrow the Red Room brainwashing and integrating into normal society she also starts losing her comfort with doing things outside the norm. Because their arrangement isn’t hurting anybody right now but surely it will in the future, right? Otherwise more people would be poly. And while she knows it’s completely wrongheaded and irrational, the fact that she can’t have kids makes her feel like she’s “not really part of the marriage”, especially after she tries to pick the kids up from school and isn’t allowed because “you’re not their mom” even though Clint and Laura both authorized her to do so.
So she asks Clint and Laura if they can take a break from the whole thing while she sorts things out, and they say of course because they love her and want her to be in a good headspace.
And that’s when she convinces herself that she’s in love with Bruce (Tony’s got Pepper, Thor has Jane, and Steve has his own issues because he’s stuck on both Peggy and Bucky), and that’s why the BruTasha in AoU was so forced and awkward and out of character.
And after Bruce leaves Nat goes back to Clint and Laura all “I fucked up. Start over?” in her trademark deadpan and of course they take her back.
(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
the year is 2066. physical contact has been outlawed. hug dealers tenderly embrace people in the dead of night and shady people hold hands in dark streets
i want to read this novel
I want to write this novel.
I want to edit this novel.
Sounds like we have a plan.I want to produce the movie
I’m directing the porn parody
I’m buying the porn parody
(Source: fenseidhe, via starwarsisgay)
I’m not even much of a fan of genderbends but goddamn am I even less of a fan of getting ordered around about what I should enjoy and how I should enjoy it and being lectured about how ‘problematic’ it is, when the real problem is that they’ve cast the thing in question in black and white and refuse to admit that there’s anything but their narrow framing.
Changing a character to the ‘opposite’ cis gender is a very different thing than making them trans or nonbinary. Insisting that people only change characters to trans is also really damn invalidating, because it implies that being trans is interchangable with being cis. Whoopsie doodle!
I think the real issue here is that a lot of people want to see more trans headcanons, but for some reason think that using sj words while being bossy and rude is the way to go about it. Dress it up in progressive language all you like; at the end of the day you’re still being bossy and rude to get what you want, regardless of anyone else’s valid feelings.
i get really irritated at kids who scream that genderbends are transphobic because they’re completely missing the context and history. they have no idea. it’s like to them, Cis People made up genderbends specifically to thumb their noses at trans people.
rule 63 was originally a guy thing, sexual objectification thing. it states ‘for every male character, there’s a female version of that character’, and not because the dudes who were into it cared about having more realistically rendered female heroes in their media. it was made popular on 4chan and porn boards and comics+gaming forums because you could reduce a manly male character into a sexy tits-and-ass pinup. there were related kinks of sissification, but mostly it was about getting to jerk it to a sexy female version of a previously unappealing, macho male character.
then women got hold of the rule and started going, okay. let’s look at the female version of this male character. let’s talk about being a woman in a man’s world. let’s talk about rorschach’s misogyny, tony stark’s womanizing, batman’s grimness, the fact there’s one girl ninja to every four or five guy ninjas, let’s talk about that in the hypothetical context of these male heroes being women instead. if there’s a girl version for every male character, what does that mean? what’s her story?
and it became this really amazing lens for female fans to interrogate stories through, to examine the effects of sexism and misogyny and masculinity, to introduce another woman into a story with very few, to identify with fully-rendered heroes of the fan’s own gender. and to interrogate the very nature of gender, which led into the development of genderbends where the character’s gender identity didn’t necessarily match their assigned sex, and from there an increasing interest in, and familiarity with, trans characters, trans people, and trans issues.
so like. people now reducing the issue to ‘cis people are gross and hate trans people’ is pretty ridiculous. it ignores basically twenty years of women questioning, confronting and then dismantling the de-facto heteronormative, exploitative male gaze in order to create the radically progressive fandom atmosphere as we know it today on tumblr.
I’d been trying to put into words my issue with the idea that genderbent versions of characters are somehow automatically, innately transphobic, and I think you pretty well nailed it.
Originally, it was called ‘genderswap’ or ‘genderswitch’, which was rightfully criticized for reinforcing a binary view of gender. Hence why it is now ‘genderbend‘. Things can bend in many directions.
(via punkrockpatroclus)
my strangest legacy - in high school, for one reason or another (I can’t remember) my friends and I wrote “34 days until March 2nd” on the whiteboard in the drama classroom. It was completely arbitrary but we kept it it up, “30 days until March 2nd” ”23 days until March 2nd” etc. It spread around enough that the entire school is buzzing about what is going to happen on March 2nd. We figure we should think of something and decide to bring in cake. There were about 13 of us in total committed to bringing a cake. On March 2nd, during 3rd period lunch we all entered the cafeteria in a line (the parade of the cakes) and laid them out—a grand cake buffet for everyone in that lunch period. We did it the next year. And after we graduated it kept going.
This past March 2nd was the 9th year they’ve done it. It’s become a school sponsored event. There are t-shirts for this thing every year. March 2nd is cake day. I am a god.
(via yea-lets-do-this-shit)
heres to my size 3-8 girls. heres to my slightly squishy ladies who, whenever they have shown the slightest discomfort in their bodies, have been shut down immediately because “i would kill to have a body like yours!!!!!” “shut the fuck up youre so skinny wtf” “youre not gonna get all gross and anorexic are you?”
heres to my girls with skinny arms but a chubby belly. heres to my girls with a double chin but impossible waistline. heres to my girls with thick thighs and a flat butt. heres to my girls with disproportionate bodies. heres to my girls who were never “skinny enough,” or “big enough.” heres to you. youre fucking flawless.
(via yea-lets-do-this-shit)
when did tumblr collectively decide not to use punctuation like when did this happen why is this a thing
it just looks so smooth I mean look at this sentence flow like a jungle river
ACTUALLY
This is really exciting, linguistically speaking.
Because it’s not true that Tumblr never uses punctuation. But it is true that lack of punctuation has become, itself, a form of punctuation. On Tumblr the lack of punctuation in multisentence-long posts creates the function of rhetorical speech, or speech that is not intended to have an answer, usually in the form of a question. Consider the following two potential posts. Each individual line should be taken as a post:
ugh is there any particular reason people at work have to take these massive handfuls of sauce packets they know they’re not going to use like god put that back we have to pay for that stuff
Ugh. Is there any particular reason people at work have to take these massive handfuls of sauce packets they know they’re not going to use? Like god, put that back. We have to pay for that stuff.
In your head, those two potential posts sound totally different. In the first one I’m ranting about work, and this requires no answer. The second may actually engage you to give an answer about hoarding sauce packets. And if you answer the first post, you will likely do so in the same style.
Here’s what makes this exciting: the English language has no actual punctuation for rhetorical speech–that is, there are no special marks that specifically indicate “this speech is in the abstract, and requires no answer.” Not only that, it never has. The first written record of English (actually proto-English, predating even Old English) dates to the 400s CE, so we’re talking about 1600 years of having absolutely no marker whatsoever for rhetorical speech.
A group of teens and young adults on a blogging website literally reshaped a deficit a millennium and a half old in our language to fit their language needs. More! This group has agreed on a more or less universal standard for these new rules, which fits the definition of “language.” Which is to say Tumblr English is its own actual, real, separate dialect of the English language, and because it is spoken by people worldwide who have introduced concepts from their own languages into it, it may qualify as a written form of pidgin.
Tumblr English should literally be treated as its own language, because it does not follow the rules of any form of formal written English, and yet it does have its own consistent internal rules. If you don’t think that’s cool as fuck then I don’t even know what to tell you.
Hey cool
(via starwarsisgay)
If you want more facts, follow Ultrafacts
For the lightning, try to find some low ground like a dip near you, if you can’t just lie down where you are and stay away from trees expecially tall ones, for they may explode when struck.
And for the people who asked me about the 2nd to last one, when the ocean recedes at a rapid rate, you should get to high ground cause… a tsunami is coming.
I love it when tumblr comes together to save each others lives.
I know this isn’t MBTI but it needs to be everywhere for everyone
(via yea-lets-do-this-shit)
FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT you are allowed to feel proud of yourself for things that might seem silly to other people, like getting better at a video game or putting together a nice outfit for the next morning or finishing a book. You deserve to feel proud for your accomplishment.
The only friendly reminder I’ve ever seen on tumblr that was, in fact, friendly.
(Source: swordgender, via clockwork-mockingbird)
