I just love the myth of Persephone, i mean the real, original version of it, because it’s not like she got kidnapped, no, this bitch was la-de-da-ing in a meadow and she just happened to find an entrance to the Underworld and she was like “Imma check this out”. And she just wanders into the Underworld and discovers that hey this place ain’t too bad.
Meanwhile Hades is in the background “????? UM??? PRETTY GIRL??? WHY ARE YOU HERE?????? YOU AREN’T DEAD???”
And Persephone (who was originally called Kore just a little fyi) just looked at him and said “I like it here. I’m staying.”
And Hades kinda just went with it, until Demeter started throwing the temper tantrum of the millenium upstairs and Zeus had to intervene because this shit was getting out of hand and its actually his job to be admistrator of justice. Which considering the shit he gets up to is kinda histerical but that’s another story there.
And basically Persephone wasn’t a prisoner or kidnap victim at all she just really loved the Underworld and her (eventual) husband, and the Greeks feared her arguably more than her husband because Hades could be reasoned with but Persephone was the one laying the smack down on sinners, and really, who wouldn’t be at least a little scared of someone who’s name means something along the lines of “the destroyer”
Basically, Persephone is amazing and everbody needs to get on her level
i think the best part of that myth is that Zeus decided to change Kore’s name to Persephone (basically “the one who brings chaos”) only because she wanted to stay in the underworld and SHE WOULDN’T FUCKING LISTEN then Zeus, all-mighty king of the gods, kinda gives up and goes “fine, but you’re going to visit your mom” “also, I changed your name” “get rekt”
Also, if I’m not mistaken, Kore means “little girl” so imagine going from that to “chaos bringer”
I mean, going from little girl to chaos bringer sounds like a p solid deal to me, sign me up.
This may not be the version of the myth that’s commonly known and taught. But is is the original, from before it was altered to scare Greek/Roman girls into submission. Persephone was a badass bitch.
Chug your ale each time Dickens introduces a new character.
Do a shot each time you look over your shoulder during 1984. Two shots if you get up to close the curtains.
Slam a Red Bull every time you turn the page in Wuthering Heights. Just to stay awake, really.
Take a sip of wine for every Biblical sin you’ve committed. Start at Genesis.
Drinking with friends
Take turns trying to recite the infamous 11,282-word sentence from Ulysses in one breath. Whoever stops first has to drink the most.
Smuggle booze into a library. Or go to your bookshelves. Pull out books at random, playing “Never have I ever” with books: “Never have I ever read Throne of Glass,” etc. All who have read the book in question must take a drink.
Take turns reading passages from The Bell Jar aloud. Whoever cries hardest must be cut off from alcohol immediately. This is followed by a group hug and gentle rocking.
Group-read a Shakespeare play and take a shot whenever there’s a joke about venereal disease, gender roles, or sexual relations.
I know most people associate LUSH Cosmetics with white girls and bath bombs but products from this beautiful company have faded my scars and stretch marks, completely gotten rid of my acne, fixed my dry skin problems, thickened my eyelashes, laid my edges, made my hair grow like crazy… I can go on and on. I’ve actually never tried the bath bombs, but their skincare and haircare products work magic.
Fading Scars / Stretch Marks Organic Therapy Massage Bar
Extra Dry Skin King of Skin In-Shower Body Conditioner, Skin Drink Facial Moisturizer, Sultana of Soap Bar, Tender is the Night Massage Bar, Each’s a Peach Massage Bar
Acne Fresh Farmacy Solid Cleanser, Eau Roma Toning Water, Full of Grace Serum Bar
Thickening Lashes Eyes Right Mascara / Lash Milk
Edges R&B Hair Moisturizer (if you put this on your edges before wrapping your hair, they’ll be relaxer-straight when you wake up, lasts about 12 hours), Dirty Styling Cream (cream-based edge control with a matte finish, no more shiny or crunchy edges)
Hair Growth NEW! Shampoo Bar, Retread Hair Conditioner
I was asked to list the rest of the products I currently have in my possession, so here y’all go!
FACE / HAIR STUFF
Magical Moringa Facial Moisturizer Oh my lordy. Let me tell y'all about this stuff. It’s marketed as a moisturizer but I use it as a primer because when you put this on your face, it’s completely matte. Like completely. All day. And it will lock your makeup in place like no other. You can sweat in it, swim in it, whatever. Shit won’t budge. Ever.
Jason & the Argan Oil Shampoo Bar Amazing for volumizing. It made the three bundles in my head look more like five when I used this thing the first time, I kid you not. Also gives your hair a really natural shine. I only use it when I really need a volume boost, otherwise it’s just too much.
No Drought Dry Shampoo If you have a weave, you need this stuff. Period. A lot of times, the natural oils in our scalps (referring to my fellow black women here) are too heavy for Brazilian, Peruvian, etc hair, and so it’s easy for weave to get weighed down between washes. Shake this stuff in your hair, brush it out - bam, flow city.
Honey Trap Lip Balm My favorite lip balm, ever. Really improves the texture of your lips and seals in moisture. However, this is not for fixing chapped lips - use Ultrabalm for that first, and then this to prevent them from chapping again. Also, pro-tip, if you apply it before liquid lipstick, your lipstick won’t crease or dry out all day.
MASSAGE BARS
Strawberry Feels Forever Smells like fresh strawberries! Has a much thinner consistency than the other massage bars, so it can be used every day, like a solid lotion.
Soft Coeur Smells like chocolate and honey, and is ridiculously moisturizing. More heavy-duty than the other bars, so I like to only use this one on spots like my knees, heels, and elbows.
From Dusk til Dawn The shape of this one is amazing. It’s shaped like a cone, so it gives a deep massage when you’re using it. Definitely recommend if you have any sort of muscle pain.
SCRUBS
The Rough with the Smooth This stuff smells soooo good. Like cotton candy. I use it before I shave because it really does an amazing job at removing any dead skin and it doesn’t leave a residue, so it won’t clog your razor. However, it’s a sugar scrub, so it melts super quickly.
Ocean Salt This is a heavy-duty scrub. Really amazing if you have dry, flaky skin, and the healing properties of the salt are really great if you have acne. It’ll dry it up and heal it super quick.
Cup o’ Coffee Face & Body Mask I’m on my fourth jar of this already. The coffee beans are ground up just enough to give a deep, yet gentle scrub and the caffeine in the bar really does wake up your skin and make it look brighter. Great for the morning.
Buffy It smells like a vacation, that’s really the only way to describe it. It’s an exfoliant bar and body butter mixed together, so you rub it all over while you’re still in the shower, and then rinse the sand off. After, rub the oils in and pat dry. No need for lotion after because it seals in the moisture from your shower.
SHOWER GELS / JELLIES
Rose Jam Shower Gel Smells like roses and has a really bubbly lather. More cleansing than moisturizing. I like to use it before a more moisturizing soap because it’s great for removing dirt and oil from the skin.
The Olive Branch Shower Gel A long-time favorite of mine. Great for dry skin, as it has a really creamy lather versus a bubbly one. Also, the smell is very calming and lingers for a long time.
Needles & Pines Shower Jelly It’s a solid shower gel (consistency of jello), and it smells like Christmas trees! I like to store it in the fridge and use it when it’s hot outside, super cleansing and refreshing.
SOAPS:
Roses All the Way Personal favorite! Smells like roses & vanilla ice cream. Super moisturizing and so, so creamy. Definitely buy if you suffer from dry skin.
Yog Nog Very moisturizing and the scent lingers for a really long time. Smells like snickerdoodles and eggnog.
Bohemian Not at all creamy, as it’s an exfoliating soap. It’s great to use on dark spots like knees and armpits because the exfoliants soften the skin and the lemon juice evens out your skintone. Smells like lemons.
Karma Another favorite. It has a super thin consistency but is still very moisturizing, so it’s a good shaving soap because it won’t gunk up your razor. Smells like incense and patchouli.
Figs & Leaves Smells like dirt and grass, in a good way. Super cleansing. As in your skin will literally squeak after using it, so I recommend using an in-shower moisturizer like King of Skin after using it.
OTHER:
Atomic Toothy Tabs Solid toothpaste that you crush up in your mouth. It sounds weird but these things are phenomenal. They really leave your teeth squeaky clean, and are the sole reason my teeth are so white - I don’t use any whitening products. This particular kind smells like cloves and cinnamon.
Ultrabalm All Purpose Balm This stuff is amazing. It’s an all-over balm for rough spots. I use it in the winter time on my hands and lips, because they get dry. I also use it year round on my face where I get dry spots, as it doesn’t clog pores.
Silky Underwear Dusting Powder Another holy grail. If you could turn cocoa butter into a powder, this would be it. It’s not drying like baby powder, it’s more silky (it’s also talc-free). I use it between my legs to prevent chafing and under my boobs when it’s hot outside to prevent sweating.
This is actually so helpful because a lot of times I go into lush and I just end up getting pink things and things that smell good because I don’t know what other products are worth purchasing!
TALK TO PEOPLE. okay so I only worked there as a seasonal, but these overly polite, overly talkative salespeople have to do 3 demos an hour! SO if they ask if you want to try something, let them. They know what they’re doing and they will tell you everything you want to know about the product and what it will do for you.
The worst was when I had customers saying that they were just looking because they didnt know a thing about what they were looking at. A lot of the products look identical on the shelves, but they are all specifically tailored for different needs.
Fun facts:
86% of all products are vegan, the rest are vegetarian
everything is ethically sourced, including the charcoal which comes from recycled forest fires
Lush will cut ties with their suppliers if they dont treat their employees nicely enough
Lush saves 10% of their spending budget for emergencies, like when a well broke down in one of their suppliers companies over in Kenya and Lush found out they were lowering women into the well, that money didnt just go to repairing the well, but for getting them a second well as well.
Lush even makes perfume but the scents are about stories instead of smells. There’s a little booklet for each one. My favorites are Dear John (about the owner, Mark, not knowing who his dad was) and Dad’s Lemon Tree (which he made after meeting his dad)
Lush also makes makeup, although they are working on getting more pigments
Lush is 21 years old and in 57 countries!
Charity Pot is a lotion that is low scent as not to mix with your other scents, is a lot of cocoa butter, and 100% goes to grassroots charities, they dont even pay people to make it, that’s how good it is
If you bring in 5 black pots (wash them please, they are dishwasher safe) you can get a free fresh face mask
Lush is the inventor of the bathbomb and most of them have essential oils in them and cocoa butter, so they’re not just fun, but they’re actually really good for your skin
There is a Lush Facebook page but more importantly is that there are local Lush facebooks. You can ask them if something is in stock and they’ll get back to you as quickly as possible (the Alderwood location takes only a few hours)
Anything that looks like a big brick of product is sold by weight. Just ask and they will cut you off a piece to fit your budget
FREE SAMPLES. Feel free to ask. They do NOT want to sell you something that is not right for you
Everything is handmade with commercial kitchen like equipment. This is why things don’t always look the same, because the recipe changes and different people are making it. Leave room for error and basically Guenivere likes adding more pigment than Brendan does but Brendan makes seasonal stuff that’s fantastic. It’s not that it’s gone off or is poorly made. There’s a little sticker that shows you who made it and it also has the expiration date on it
It the ingredient list is both green and black, the green is for natural ingredients and black is for synthetic.
If you go in and they dont have something because it was a seasonal or it’s no longer being made, do not be sad. The same scent may be in another product but more importantly, you can still get it. THE LUSH KITCHEN puts out products that are no longer being made every night at midnight (UK though so time stuff). There’s exclusive merch on there too, including bags and aprons and shirts. Everything goes really really fast though so you have to be ON it.
reblogged to the wrong blog because it took 4 attempts to reblog at all!
this is…nice
My daughter worked at LUSH before college and just seriously…they are an amazing company with highly educated salespeople who want to help you find things that will make you feel, look and smell your best.
IF YOU NEED TO CALL 911 BUT ARE SCARED TO BECAUSE OF SOMEONE IN THE ROOM, dial and ask for a pepperoni pizza. They will ask if you know you’re calling 911. Say yes, and continue pretending you’re making an order. They’ll ask if there’s someone in the room.
You can ask how long it will take for the pizza to get to you, and they will tell you how far away a dispatcher is.
This is okay advice but not 100% accurate. Pepperoni pizza is not exactly a secret “code” among law enforcement.
We have gotten calls like these using other topics as a disguise. Do what you can safely to express to the dispatcher you need help. They cannot just hang up on you unless the issue has been cleared. If you absolutely cannot talk or are too scared, call and put the phone down or in your pocket so the dispatcher can hear. If possible try to at least say your location because they don’t always get correct information about your address when your call populates.
Dispatchers are trained to pick up on unusual situations and to go with them to get you help.
A’IGHT PARTNER OF A 911 DISPATCHER HERE: Pizza isn’t some secret code, but dispatchers are trained to pick up if someone is having to lie on the phone about who they’re calling. The most important thing is to give them an address. They can send cops to an address, and yes, ordering pizza is a good way to get away with giving your address away on the phone.
Important information to note: locating where you are isn’t like Hollywood portrays it. Dispatchers/police can’t just pinpoint your location within seconds. It’s a long process that isn’t always allowed (they literally have to go through your cell phone carrier company and sometimes the carrier says “no you can’t pinpoint this person”).
most dispatch centers in the US, including the one i work at (boulder, colorado), have text-to-911 service these days. so even better than calling, just send a text to 911 (!!! IMPORTANT !!! include the address/location of where you are IN THE FIRST TEXT YOU SEND so that if you become unable to use your phone after that first text, we at least know where to send help). if the dispatch center in your area doesn’t have a text service, you will receive an automated text back saying something along the lines of “The 911 answering point in your area does not support text-to-911. Please call 911 instead.”
in that scenario, where you end up needing to call but still can’t make it known that you’re calling 911, there are plenty of things you can do to communicate that you need help depending on the exact circumstances.
if there is a person with you who is threatening to harm or kill you, and your call to 911 would only make things worse, try to call as discreetly as possible. with smartphones these days, you don’t even have to unlock your phone to call 911. simply get your phone to the unlock screen where you would enter your passcode and there should be a button at the bottom of your screen (sometimes at the top) that says “Emergency Call.” just hit that button and you’re good to go. also keep in mind that you can do this from phones that haven’t even been activated yet (just be aware however, that if you’re calling from a deactivated phone, and the call gets disconnected somehow, the dispatcher will NOT be able to call you back like we can with activated phones because there is no phone number attached to a deactivated phone).
from there, after you’ve pressed the emergency call button, if the person threatening you is yelling at you, simply keep an open line. your phone’s microphone is more powerful than you think, and can easily pick up someone in the same room yelling at you. if you’re able to do so without dramatically escalating the situation, yell back at them, and try to throw in some details about where you are. also try to throw in details of whether or not there are any weapons present (guns, knives, baseball bats, golf clubs, whatever).
the biggest thing we care about when taking a 911 call is the address/location. if you’re not in a building, give an intersection. if you don’t know the roads you’re on/near, give a landmark. a big building. a strangely colored building. a specific grouping of buildings together. we’re trained to be extremely familiar with the landmarks in our jurisdiction, and usually those landmarks will be in our computer system as well.
also, just be aware that if you call 911 with an open line and we don’t hear anything, we will hang up and call you back immediately, so make sure to answer the next call you get. this can actually help you out because it can be an excuse to step out of the room to take a phone call. if you can’t step out of the room to answer when we call you back, try to at least answer the call and give us something.
now, if you’re calling 911 in a situation where you can call us just fine but can’t talk because someone might hear you, try whispering. if you can’t even whisper, press a button on your phone. if we hear even something that tells us there’s a person on the other end, we will make every attempt to ask if that person can hear us before we hang up and attempt a callback. a common method of communicating with someone who can’t talk is to have the caller tap on the back of their phone, or press a number on the keypad. if this is the method of communication the dispatcher is using with you, they’ll usually use a “tap once for yes, twice for no” method. pressing buttons on your phone’s keypad makes an audible beep sound to the person on the other end, i.e. the dispatcher. once a “tap once for yes, twice for no” dialogue has been established, the dispatcher will ask you yes or no questions. just try to answer them to the best of your ability. again, the most important thing is an address/location. also, if it’s at all possible, call from a landline, not your cell phone. thought landlines were useless? think again. landlines are required to register to an address, so if there’s a landline available, use it, don’t use your cell phone. that way, if you can’t tell us where you are, it’s fine because we’ll already have an address.
i feel like i should make some kind of a master post about this stuff in the future.
lathori asked: I hate you so much. As per our conversation, you absolute heathen: Borgias Star Wars AU Cesare as Leia Lucrezia as Luke Micheletto as Han Fucking go. I hate you so much.
This is the first of two Star Wars AUs, this one is mostly because I profoundly wanted an AU where Cesare was literally a prince of an entire planet and also I wanted Lucrezia to have a lightsaber. I am currently working on another one for @wildehacked in which everyone is in the much more obvious position of being Sith.
Cesare doesn’t expect a rescue, as he sits in
his cell, back to the wall and one leg stretched out in front of him with the
other bent close to his body. The
ceremonial robes of Alderaan are heavy, uncomfortable at the best of times and
these…these are not the best of times.
Deep red cloth rubs against his skin, raw and tender from a few rounds
with a torture droid, and he ignores it.
He told them nothing—he has no profound alliance to the Rebellion, but
the image of the great and terrible Darth Sixtus wading through the endless
dunes of Dantooine had amused him, and after their young general turned their
weapon on Alderaan…
Well.
Cesare is (was) hardly beloved of his people, raised by the stern and
austere Viceroy of Alderaan, della Rovere, but that was his planet, and after
it was gone, he denied the Empire information out of sheer spite. It had been worth it, to see the towering
dark figure of Sixtus storm out of the room in a rage.
Still, though. His planet is gone, and they didn’t love
their distant prince, and the Rebellion trusts him only on the weight of his
adopted guardian, who was well known in the right circles for his totally
ruthless devotion to the cause. Cesare
sent away the information he had been told to care for with the droid, a PA-L0
unit more willful than was good for it.
It might make it to the Sforza woman della Rovere had intended it for,
or it might not—either way, it is out of his hands. The Rebellion won’t expend the manpower to
send a rescue mission, and the Empire has a new planet-killer to play with. He’s confident he won’t live long enough to
find out whether PA-L0 made it or not.
It’s something of a surprise, then, when
alarms go off and his cell door opens to admit the shortest Stormtrooper he’s
ever seen.
Cesare silently arches an eyebrow. Princes grow up in the public eye, especially
on bustling Core worlds like Alderaan, and Cesare prides himself on the ability
to show no response to any disaster.
He’d had to cultivate it, after the second time he was caught with
someone who, perhaps, should have been off-limits.
“Are you lost?” he asks dryly, and the
Stormtrooper reaches up to wrestle off their helmet, and Cesare’s mouth snaps
shut in surprise.
It’s not the hard-faced man he expected. Instead it’s a woman, a girl, really, with a
youthful face and hair like sunlight pinned up in a knot, and she smiles at
him, perfect tiny teeth a string of matched pearls behind her pink lips. She looks about his own age, maybe
younger. There’s a sharp tug, like a
cord anchored somewhere in Cesare’s spine is pulling him toward her, and he has
the sudden inexplicable urge to brush her hair back, the wayward coils of spun
gold escaping around her face.
“I’m Lucrezia Borgia,” she says, dimpling at
him, and he tries to assemble words to reply.
“I found your Paolo unit. I’m
here to rescue you.”
Cesare has made worse snap decisions in his
life than take a rescue wearing the face of an angel, he concludes in under a
second. They run.
They find another false Stormtrooper, and
this one is far more like what Cesare expected, a man with eyes like stone and
a dispassionate expression under the smudged blood on his cheek. Lucrezia calls him Micheletto, and Cesare
snatches a blaster off a dead Stormtrooper to toss at him.
“My lord,” Micheletto says with a slight
incline of his head.
“This is Cesare della Rovere,” Lucrezia says,
as if Micheletto doesn’t know who he is.
“He gives your orders now. Take
us back to the Condottiere, and we’ll
find Caterina on the way.”
They do find Caterina. Just in time to watch Sixtus cut her
down.
“I knew her brother,” Lucrezia says coolly as
they crowd into the cockpit of Micheletto’s ship, the Condottiere. It’s a bit of a
wreck, but he pilots it like a master, as skillfully as he had cut down any
Stormtrooper in their path. “He was an
unpleasant man, to say the least.” She
fingers the silver hilt at her hip—a lightsaber, she tells Cesare quietly, apparently
once the possession of her father. “You’ll
forgive me if I don’t shed any tears over her corpse.”
“Of course,” Cesare says, and she smiles at
him, and he takes it like a blaster bolt to the heart.
Some other highlights…
Lucrezia brings down the Death Star, her eyes
closed and her X-Wing guided by something at the center of her chest, something
cold and bright as a Tatooine moon. When
she lands, laughing and giddy with triumph, Cesare snatches her up around the
waist and spins her around, and he smiles at her, and she thinks idly about
kissing it off his lips. Micheletto
smiles his faint smile and kisses her cheek like she’s a lady of status. Lucrezia gets an award. Micheletto, a killer and a criminal and a
bloody hand for hire, insists that he should not, and Cesare does not argue
with him.
Cesare finds the leader of the Rebellion, an
ex-Senator named Machiavelli, very much to his liking. It is common knowledge that Machiavelli has
something of an affection for the ex-Prince of Alderaan (it’s something Cesare
asks himself often—is he still a prince at all, if he has no planet?), and
Cesare is not above leveraging this to his purposes.
Lucrezia kisses Cesare on Hoth, after she
almost dies in the cold, her skin still flushed from the incredibly hot shower
she just took, and he clutches her to him like she’s as ethereal as
sunlight. Her golden hair hangs around
them like a curtain, in her quarters, and the red lines her nails trace over his
shoulders and chest sting bright and clean, and Cesare thinks that he has never
loved someone like he loves this woman.
Cesare kisses Micheletto in an asteroid
field, during an argument, and again on Cloud City, where an old acquaintance
turns them over to Sixtus, and it’s harsh and bloodied and hungry. They fuck in dark corners, still half-dressed
and breathless, and Micheletto swears allegiance like he’s praying to a god,
like Cesare is a force of nature, like Cesare is the Force. Cesare leaves bruises shaped like
finger-lengths and the curve of his lips, and they’re still there when
Micheletto is frozen in carbonite by Darth Sixtus.
Lucrezia spends all of thirty seconds
training with a withered old Jedi named Orsini before she rushes away again,
not even pausing at his warnings as she takes flight for Cloud City. When she arrives, there are terrible
revelations about her family—Darth Sixtus, once Rodrigo Borgia, a power-hungry
general from the Clone Wars. On the Condottiere, she cries into Cesare’s
shoulder, her severed hand aching, and he kisses her tears away, her sunlight curls spilling over them
both.
Cesare saves Micheletto. He does not care to be asked why he takes
such a risk for a man he professes to be a simple instrument.
Lucrezia, with a new silver hand like a piece of art, discovers that there is another
Borgia—there was a third, an elder brother gone missing as a small child,
before the Death Star was destroyed, but the young general died with his weapon
and now there is only one. Her twin
brother, Cesare Borgia, Prince of ex-Alderaan.
