whys zenyatta the new “uwu hes such a cute cinnamon roll” character on tumblr now
it took me a second to realize you were talking about overwatch cause at first i assumed you were talking about the retired racehorse.
why do you know a racehorse by name
Listen you, Zenyatta fucking dominated a few years ago when she was racing. She’s one of, if not the greatest racehorse in my lifetime. She won 19 consecutive races on her 20 race career. (She came in second in her final race. Lost by a few inches. Mike Smith, her jockey, broke down crying afterwards and blamed himself for the loss.)
Watching her was an incredible, exhilarating experience. Seriously look up any of her races on YouTube. She was an amazing closing finisher. She’d be dead last until the very end before just blowing past her competition and leaving them all in her dust at the last moment.
She also had serious fucking personality. Before each race she would prance and paw at the ground, like a human athlete limbering up before competition. The most star quality I’ve ever seen from a horse.
I am literally the most casual horse racing fan you’d ever meet but yeah, I know Zenyatta by name. Also I have not a fucking clue who this Zenyatta character tumblr likes is. So you know, to each their own.
Good morning everyone! In case you have crept FURTHER into the sensory deprivation tank which is everyone’s only source of peace these days: last night Trump fired FBI director James Comey. Comey found out about it on TV, bc Tromp is a lunatic who loves a spectacle. 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸
A few sample call scripts, slightly adapted from Indivisible:
FOR HOUSE GOP:
Hi, my name is [your name] and I’m a constituent from [your town]. I’m calling because I’m appalled by President Trump’s firing the director of an investigation into his own administration’s ties to Vladimir Putin. It’s the kind of thing autocrats do. [SHORT PERSONAL STORY ABOUT WHY U WOULD RATHER NOT BE RULED BY AN AUTOCRAT??] The American people deserve to know exactly what happened, how it happened, and what our elected leaders are doing to prevent it from happening again. Will [Rep’s name] stand up for [his/her] constituents by supporting an independent investigation into Russian tampering in our elections, and co-sponsoring the Protecting Our Democracy Act (H.R. 356)?
FOR SENATE GOP:
Hi, my name is [your name] and I’m a constituent from [your town]. I’m calling because I’m appalled by President Trump’s firing the director of an investigation into his own administration’s ties to Vladimir Putin. It’s the kind of thing autocrats do. [SHORT PERSONAL STORY ABOUT WHY U WOULD RATHER NOT BE RULED BY AN AUTOCRAT??] The American people deserve to know exactly what happened, how it happened, and what our elected leaders are doing to prevent it from happening again. Will [Senator’s name] stand up for [his/her] constituents by co-sponsoring Senator Cardin’s bill, S. 27, which would create an independent investigation into Russian interference?
FOR DEMOCRATS IN BOTH HOUSES:
Hi, my name is [your name] and I’m a constituent from [your town]. I’m calling because [SCREAMING] IT’S ON FIRE!! IT’S ALL ON FIRE, DUDE! HELP!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!
no, just kidding, hahahaha. FOR DEMOCRATS & GOP-ERS WHO HAVE COME OUT IN SUPPORT OF INDEPENDENT INVESTIGATION:
Hi, my name is [your name] and I’m a constituent from [your town]. I’m calling because I’m appalled by President Trump’s firing the director of an investigation into his own administration’s ties to Vladimir Putin. [SHORT PERSONAL STORY ABOUT WHY U WOULD RATHER NOT BE RULED BY AN AUTOCRAT.] I just want to thank [elected’s name] for speaking out and I ask him/her to keep fighting on behalf of his/her constituents and the American people.
Please remember that one of the most effective tools in the arsenal of autocracy is the feeling of hopelessness. People who believe their voices are not useful don’t speak up. People who believe the war is over don’t fight back. But your sense that there’s Nothing You Can Do About All This isn’t an objective truth. It’s a weapon being actively deployed against you by an administration that wants you to stop caring. As MC Lyte once said, Fuck that motherfucking bullshit. Kiss my motherfucking ass.
after u call, u can come to my inbox and i will tell you what a BRAVE, BEAUTIFUL RUBY you are, because you are one, and i love u.
[sleepy hollow gets cancelled two days after orlando jones debuts on a new tv show written by one of the best fantasy writers of the century and calls out the horrific reality of black people’s lives]
Every year I am abruptly reminded of exactly which blogs I follow are run by people who live in Europe (or Australia, or a small handful of other pertinent countries) when they all go simultaneously batshit insane.
Mr. Hamilton asks her to marry him so often it becomes a game. “Marry me, Miss Barlow,” he’ll say when they step together in a dance, smiling at her as the dance separates them.
“I couldn’t marry you today,” she’ll reply when the music joins them again, and his palm presses lightly against hers. “You will note the stormclouds.”
“The rain would not do,” Mr. Hamilton will agree, hers for a few more measures. “Perhaps next week, when the weather clears?”
“Certainly not,” Miranda will say, and caress his thumb briefly with her own, risking the scandalized eye of Lady Heyward. “I could never marry under clear skies.”
2.
James books their passage under the names of Mr. and Mrs. McGraw, and although she understands the necessity–she won’t be parted from him, any more than he’ll be parted from her, and not even the relaxed atmosphere of a merchant vessel bound for Port Royal will allow Mr. McGraw and Mrs. Hamilton to share a cabin–she hates it. James is not her husband, although she’s never loved him more than she does now, the way misery loves grief.
She’ll never have a husband again.
1.
Miranda refuses to marry Mr. Hamilton twice at the opera with the Dudleys, much to their amusement, but she takes his arm and arranges things so the two of them are side by side in the Dudleys’ box. He murmurs softly to her for the duration of the play, clever and wicked by turns, and she had him only the day before, on his knees in Duke R––’s library, but she’s already desperate to have him again.
“Oh, marry me, Miranda,” he says with amused frustration when the night is over, but the conversation is not. “Come home and talk with me until we’ve put Caccini thoroughly to bed.”
“Perhaps tomorrow, Mr. Hamilton,” Miranda says gently, and hopes that her eyes are promising him what she cannot, in their company–that she will give him whatever he likes in private, but she is clever enough to recognize the jaws of marriage, its unyielding bite. She has a few years yet before she must step into the trap.
2.
On the ship from Port Royal to Nassau, no one cares what their names are, or who shares her bed. She lies in the living dark of the ship at night–the men at watch walking above her head, the groaning communion of the ship and sea an endless chorus–and smooths her hand over James’s hair, mindless and repetitive. He’s awake, but quiet, his breath warm on the bare skin of her stomach.
The last thing Thomas said to her was Take care of James.
“I love you,” she says to the man in her bed.
1.
“I would never trap you,” Thomas swears in her bed, tender and relentless. “Would you trap me?”
“Never,” Miranda says, pressing a brief kiss to his knuckles. “But it would not be the same. You would always have power over me.”
He looks at her, very serious. “Would you like power over me?” he asks.
2.
James Flint murders a man at her word, and then returns to her, like an animal at the end of its chain.
He tells her that Alfred Hamilton begged for his life. He tells her that her mother-in-law was there on the ship, too, and he did not spare her. His voice shakes in the telling, and she kisses him for it.
Thomas died alone, in a cold, dark place. Captain Flint is bloodstained and grim in her arms, and she loves him, she loves him, she loves him.
1.
Thomas gives her a ring, a household, the promise of a title, and a small bundle of letters that would ruin him utterly if they fell into the wrong hands. He places them in hers with terrifying ease. “Come live with me,” he says, grinning like he’s won, like she’s won, like they’ve triumphed over an enemy together, “and be my love.”
A year into their marriage, Miranda throws the letters into the fire.
2.
James comes home after a two month voyage and kisses her clumsily at the door, purple shadows under his eyes. She manages to get him to take off his boots before he falls into bed, but he’s too exhausted to remember his belt, or his coat. He’s asleep almost as soon as he lies down, and she sits down beside him, feels a rush of affection so strong it feels like fury.
Oh, she thinks, looking down at the wounded face she knows as well as her own. You are all I have in the world.
The affection dims under the weight of the thought.
