@words-writ-in-starlightI know a guy who ended up becoming a professional chef because of the tim burton charlie and the chocolate factory movie and i guarantee none of you will be able to guess how
ok so this movie came out like, 2005ish? And this kid was in his early teens, so 12-14 years old i guess. And he’s watching this movie and there’s the scene where the chewing gum kid, Violet something, is chewing the gum that tastes like a three course meal and the first two tastes are tomato soup and roast beef and that’s all well and good but then it gets to blueberry pie and OOP she’s all swollen up like a ten-foot tall human blueberry. And this kid, being the age he was, had just kinda started puberty and might’ve had a little crush on Violet to start with, so all the feelings and hormones got a lil mixed up while watching that scene and he ended up with a great big inflation kink. So this is a thing for a few more years, he’s cranking his hog to deviantart pictures of big ol balloon ladies and the kink develops (as they sometimes do) into one where he gets off from watching those videos where people eat a ton of food. But then from there he starts to become interested, not in the person eating the food, but the food itself. Pretty soon he’s watching cooking video tutorials and attempting to cook for his family and within a couple years he’s got good. Real good. So good, in fact, that he publishes a modest cookbook at age 17 and makes enough money off selling it to buy himself a car. By the time he’s graduated highschool he’s had scholarships and apprenticeship offers from no less that 5 separate cooking schools, three of which were international. He told me all this inbetween throwing up in a bathtub at a party we were both at. I hadn’t actually met him beforehand but id seen him around school a few times (he was a couple years older than me). Last I heard of him, he’s working as the head chef in some big boy restaurant back in my city and has at least one award for something. And that’s how some guy became a professional chef thanks to tim burtons charlie and the chocolate factory movie
that’s how it is sometimes
[video]
au/genreswap → the story of hades and persephone as a detective tale (bordering dangerously on film noir
parody)Oh man, this thing is even better if Lyra’s tags are attached.
#aka: demeter hired hermes (a thief hiding as a private detective) to find her daughter #who disappeared from the nice quiet nightclub she sang at every night#and spoiler alert: persephone isn’t the good little girl #she’s the femme fatale #she saw hades (the underworld crime lord natch) in her audience through the smoke and lights and knew he was her ticket #out of her mother’s shadow and into the power she knows she deserves #because it’s destiny (and free will as illusion noir necessity) but because she wants it #AND REALLY hermes would be the best anti-hero snarky pulp detective i just really want something like this in my life
(via skymurdock)
so for some reason hershey’s thinks that golden apples would be great to sell as valentine’s candy
so i got one and wrote this on top:
and left it on a table in the studio
less than five minutes later people were fighting about it
my plan has thus far been a success
Paris you little shit
And now we know Eris works for Hershey’s.
oh my god i love you brilliant nerds
(via skymurdock)
[video]
there’s a lot of evidence that the iliad and the odyssey were actually composed by a variety of poets through an oral tradition rather than just by one poet, so what if the homeric texts are actually just a very long game of D&D
homer, the dm: okay achilles, agamemnon has just taken away your war prize, what do you want to do
achilles’ player: i roll to have a diplomatic conversation with agamemnon
achilles’ player: *rolls a 1*
homer: you throw the staff of speaking at agamemnon’s face and storm off to sulk with your boyfriendHomer, the DM: Your beautiful Patroclus is dead. What do you do?
Achilles’ player: I fight everyone.
Homer, the DM: You can’t fight everyone. How would you even–
Achilles’ player: *rolls a 20* I fight everyone.
Homer, the DM: *sighs* Fine. You cut a path through the Trojan army, enemy dead strewn in your wake.
Achilles’ player: How many?
Homer, the DM: …lots. Enough to clog the friggin’ river with bodies.
Achilles’ player: I fight the river.
Homer, the DM: You. can. not. fight. the. river.
Achilles’ player: *reaches for dice*Homer, the DM: Okay guys, so the war’s over, you had a bunch of losses but you won in the end. Time to go home, let’s roll to see who gets there firs—
Odysseus’s player: I got a critical failure.
Homer, the DM; “Ok seriously guys they’re not going to fall for the giant horse.”
Odysseus’ player; “I just rolled a nat 20 on my deception check.”
Homer, the DM; “What the fuck.”
(via skymurdock)
First semester: I’m passionately smashin’ every expectation
Second semester: I am more than willing to die
(via skymurdock)
Hatstalls, from JKR via Pottermore
Okay but the Hat was just like, “Sure kid whatever” when Harry requested against Slytherin. What kind of conversation was this?
NO NEVILLE I CAN’T DO THAT YOU HAVE THE HEART OF A LION
THE WIZARD OF OZ WILL GIVE YOU COURAGE NEVILLE
HAKUNA MATATA NEVILLE
DO NOT RECITE THE DEEP MAGIC TO ME NEVILLE I WAS THERE WHEN IT WAS WRITTEN
Okay, I’ve seen this post a couple of times & something just occurred to me.
Harry was pretty 50/50 Gryffindor/Slytherin from what I remember the hat saying (and according to the wiki blurb on hatstalls having a fairly equal split of traits from more than one house is the common cause of them) so when he asked not to be put into Slytherin the hat was fine with taking that preference into account and put him in Gryffindor. (Also the fact that the hat said he could be great and powerful in Slytherin and Harry’s response was pretty much no I don’t want that pretty clearly demonstrates non-Slytherin traits.)
On the other hand, the above doesn’t mention the hat being at all indecisive about where to put Neville. The hat wasn’t going “hmmm this is tough you’re pretty Gryffindor but you’re kind of Hufflepuff too”. It was probably more like “Yep! Gryffindor for sure!” Followed by Neville being all “No I’m totally a Hufflepuff!” and then proceeding to argue with the hat about it for almost 5 minutes. (Which when you think about it is a super Gryffindor thing to do.) By the end the hat was probably like oh my god kid you’re so Gryffindor you’re practically Godric’s heir shut up and get sorted there already!
“You’re practically Godric’s heir!”
As Neville pulls the sword of Gryffindor from the depths of the hat seven years later, the hat must have been so fucking smug. Like “oh yeah kid, this is such a Hufflepuff thing to do. Charge in with a blade and the bare basics of a plan that basically boils down to ‘I trust Harry, kill the snake.’ Helga would TOTALLY have done that. Oh wait! Did I say Helga? I MEANT GRYFFINDOR!”
(via fandom-adoration)
I’m still so bitter about how old the marauders looked in the hp movies
Like such a big part of the tragedy of their murders was that they were 21 year old children fighting a war
Lily and James were 21 years old when they sacrificed themselves so their son could live
Sirius Black was 21 when he lost his best friends and was thrown in Azkaban without a trial
Remus Lupin was 21 when he lost everything and was forced into solitude for the next decadeThese were not adults in their 30s and 40s who had lived and were trying to settle down while fighting a war on the side
These were teenagers who were fighting for their lives full time and were tragically murdered before any of them could reach 40
(Source: marisaauntmay, via fandom-adoration)
everybody always makes the marauders out to be super cool and suave but dude
they had codenames
they named their own friendship group
as far as i can tell only aBSOLUTE DORKLORDS DO THAT
how much do you wanna bet the entirety of hogwarts refused to call them ‘the marauders’ and they got all grumpy abt it
The entire exchange between them all during their 5th year exam also attests to this.
1. He’s sitting in my chair 2. He’s wearing my clothes 3. His names remus Lupin??
That’s not even funny ! but they all laughed. And they’ve known he’s a werewolf for how many years at that point? 3? I can’t get over it lolol it is absolutely dorky.Sirius and James wore matching Phoenix shirts while riding the motorbike together.
Elvendorks.
In addition (and I will categorically never get over this) sixteen year old James Potter doodling Lily’s initials in a love heart on his DADA OWL exam?
And for god’s sake, they dedicated a significant chunk of their free time to drawing their entire school (and not just any school- Hogwarts, the most convoluted building anywhere ever) and enchanting it to keep track of every single person, not to mention the fucking stairs and the walls that move. This map can see people under the Invisibility Cloak, doesn’t give two shits about Polyjuice Potion.
They were gi-fucking-gantic dorks. You can bet that their dorm room had more advanced textbooks in it than any other in the castle. You can bet that their homework (despite often likely being done a little close to the line) will nine times out of ten be twice as many inches as they were asked for including moving, colour coded diagrams and insanely complex theory on how to improve the effects of said spell or potion, potential applications that literally no-one would have thought of.
Like the very fact that they’re canonically fucking mischief makers of the calibre of Fred and George, the fact that they caused trouble that way is just textbook behaviour for a lot of really really bright kids? They were goddamn geniuses, and they were bloody bored 90% of the time, so they pushed themselves. Acing transfiguration? No problem, let’s become Animagi to help our best mate. Ancient Runes way bellow our skill level? Fine, we’ll use a combination of that, arithmancy and charms to make a map that tracks people all over the castle.
They were absolute nerd kings, and I sodding well love it.
I’ve always felt that a lot of fandom doesn’t fully appreciate the scale of the work they had to do to become Animagi by fifth year.
Like, they supposedly found out about Remus some time during their second year, right? And it’s meant to take years of study to become an Animagus.
But it’s more than just that. Before they could even begin the Animagus part of the process, they had to attain a NEWT-level of understanding of Transfiguration.
They didn’t just do the Animagus stuff, oh no. These little nerdlords steamed through their entire Transfiguration curriculum for the next 6 and a half years of schooling, and then did something that was meant to take ‘years of study’ on top of that.
All in about three and a half years.
Utter genius nerds.
thank you. so so tired of seeing Snape v/s the Marauders posited as nerd v/s jock, and/or Sirius written as not!smart
(via fandom-adoration)
