Anonymous asked: I just read a post that mentioned the entire Justice League being on Cutthroat Kitchen and I desperately needed to know what your headcanons are on this.
Batman is out in round one. Firstly, he thinks $25k is nothing. What can you buy with $25k. Is that even enough to make a meal. He spends all his money and gets no sabotages and loses anyway because he is honestly a terrible cook. It will be edible and it will keep you alive but it will be terrible. Now, if you give him a fully stocked kitchen with all kinds of equipment he can bake you some fancy, fancy shit. But that’s baking. That is a science. Cooking is bullshit. Medium heat? What the fuck is medium heat? Medium is not a temperature. If you mean 180C say 180C. He never adds enough salt or sugar or fat to anything and everything is too spicy.
Wonder Woman also doesn’t make it very far. She can cook but, like… with fresh ingredients, and specific dishes. Plus she’s a vegetarian? She doesn’t know what the fuck to do with meats. They’re supposed to make chili dogs and she just has no frame of reference at all for what that should even look like. And she got the sabotage to do everything in the microwave. How even??
Flash gets the sabotage that replaces his good shit with garbage but that works in his favor because garbage is his specialty. He will make a delicious meal out of cheese whiz and goldfish and cocktail weenies. Unfortunately trash is all he’s good at. The man loves trash food. The next round they have to make something fresh and he’s SOL.
Green Arrow can’t cook for shit. He can stir fry and maybe roast things. It’s just not enough. He just buys sabotages for everyone because he wants to do as much damage as possible before he’s gone. Trolliver. He makes the Flash walk everywhere on top of egg crates. He’s the one who gives Wonder Woman the microwave.
J’onn can’t play because he can’t convince anyone he isn’t reading Alton’s mind for ideas. Alton always knows what you should do. Being able to read Alton’s mind is the ultimate advantage. Plus he can tell which judge it is, so he knows whether he needs to go for good food generally or for the best representation of the dish. Different judges want different things!! Honestly it is for the best they wouldn’t let J’onn play because he’s an alien and he eats weird shit.
Once they get Aquaman to understand the concept he gets really into it. He’s a great cook! How does he know how to cook these things? The man loves food. By all rights he shouldn’t be any better than Wonder Woman but holy shit he’s amazing. The things that man can do with a crab… he gets a sabotage to wear lobster claws but is weirdly highly functional. Ollie regrets buying it. Of COURSE he can handle having claws. He’s probably asked for advice. He should have bought the claws for Superman. In the end it’s Aquaman versus Superman which no one saw coming.Superman wins. It’s bullshit. Everyone is mad about it. Not because he didn’t deserve it but because WHAT IS HE BAD AT. THERE MUST BE SOMETHING. Where did he even learn this stuff??? Little do they know HE GREW UP ON A FARM. THAT BOY CAN MAKE MAYONNAISE FROM SCRATCH, AND DOES. There’s a no-superpowers rule in place with a fine for offenders but he is actually great about it because Martha never let him use powers in the house. They get asked to make a lasagna and he’s so excited because he never gets to make time-intensive things usually. Murphy’s Law and supervillains get him every time he tries. He doesn’t have enough time to make his mozzarella and ricotta and tomato sauce from scratch like he usually does (YOU DO WHAT) but he does make his own pasta and it does not seem to occur to him not to do this. He lets Aquaman buy the sabotage to take his pasta because he didn’t even grab any. He does that thing where he sings pop songs in the voice of the original singer while he cooks and they have to ask him to stop so they won’t have to pay royalties. He’s very embarrassed because he didn’t realize he was doing it. He successfully stops himself from adding way too much garlic, even though he thinks it’s better with like… a whole head of garlic… all the garlic, in the world. Aquaman makes a really good eggplant lasagna but he just can’t compete with the meaty cheesy midwestern monstrosity that Superman has created.
The real reason Bruce Wayne keeps training kids is so that there’s eventually a gradually cascading order of vigilantes protecting Gotham. When you defeat one, there’s a slightly smaller one just behind, ready to pick up the slack.
Batryoshka dolls.
I am going to fucking set you on fire
(via cthulhu-with-a-fez)
i finished reading the captive prince books last night and here is a brief List of Things:
1) the fact that like every four seconds damen reminds us that he has a Type, and everyone else reminds us that he has a Type, bcs every single person in every single kingdom knows that damen has a Type. WE GET IT. U LIKE BLONDS. mess. (“i have SEEN HIM.”)
2) equally, the fact that every four seconds damen starts daydreaming about What If I Could Court Laurent For Real. my two fave varieties of this are (a) the fact that basically every time he sees anything, up to and including random buildings and like, trees, probably, he’s like IF ONLY I COULD SEE THIS THING WITH LAURENT, BUT PROPERLY, WHILE COURTING, and (b) the time he was all “what if we’d met when we were younger, hmm i’d have been like 19, so laurent would have been… 13? wait, no, that wouldn’t work, how about instead: AU where laurent is 16 when i meet him at 19, so that i could—wait for it—court him! NICE.”
3) basically, all aspects of damen’s Big Dumb Crush. damen: “laurent is kind of hot i guess, too bad he’s an asshole so i definitely don’t care or like him at all or appreciate that everyone is super convinced that we’re fucking.” also damen, a short while later: [literally drops a fucking pitcher and spills wine everywhere bcs he unexpectedly sees laurent’s legs]
4) “the soldiers in kastor’s army are trained in massage?” and then that entire scene; i read this bit as i was walking home from work bcs i’m an idiot who thinks she can read while walking, i almost walked into like three different trees and then when it ended i had to go over to the edge of the sidewalk so that i could stand still and scream quietly into my hands
5) “hello, lover” (this was another point at which i had to put the book down so that i could have both hands free, in order to physically drag them down my face)
6) damen said, “you asked for it, once.” damen said, “wear it for me.” laurent said, “put it on me.” (i said, approximately, “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHADhHhdh”)
7) “you’re very…. attractive.”
8) “i’m a little more experienced than that.” “yes, that is immediately apparent.” “is it?”
9) actually every piece of dialogue occurring during or shortly before or after any of the sex scenes honestly, like, sex scenes as character studies, re: which, murder me about it
10) murder me especially about how careful damen is, even before he has any idea, like he doesn’t know what laurent’s deal is, only that he definitely has one, and he’s so so so attentive to that even though he doesn’t get it—and then, when you are done murdering me about that, you should pls murder me at LEAST twice about like………. every single tiny carefully constructed agonizing detail of how laurent functions in intimate situations. god.
11) “it was charming because it was clear that laurent was unsure exactly what to do, yet, typically, had acted to take control of everything” have i mentioned that laurent is my CHILD
12) [scandalized] “that is SPORTS”
13) the time when laurent gets drunk and is more sociable than usual and then the next morning is EXTREMELY CONFUSED by the fact that he appears to have made friends by accident asdkhfgksdjk BLESS. my tiny disaster baby.
14) the fact that nikandros spends basically the entire time he appears in these books being like “look, i get that there’s literally no hope of you not fucking him, bcs: U Have A Type, but also, the thing is, have you considered—” [long-suffering wordless scream into the void]
15) HE IS CHARLS. I AM CHARLS. WE ARE COUSINS, NAMED FOR OUR GRANDFATHER. CHARLS.
16) laurent teaching a little girl a fucking magic trick afsdksadhjfkjkahfkhdgjk bye bye bYE
17) the fact that laurent BLUSHES CONSTANTLY, he spends so much time blushing, it’s incredible. here’s a thing i enjoy thinking about is how fucking delightful damen presumably finds this, and how much fun he prob has making laurent blush at inopportune moments.
18) “he won’t kill you but I WILL”
19) damen at the end like “WELL, this wound isn’t actually LIFE-THREATENING, and now my BOYFRIEND is gonna have to TAKE CARE OF ME ATTENTIVELY while i recover, so :D :D :D on the whole i am rather pleased with this stabbing!!” DAMEN ARE U LITERALLY EVER OK
20) it :) was :) one :) kingdom :) once :)))))) goodbye
21) that time laurent brought damen an apricot
this has been a non-comprehensive list of Some Things I’ve Been Screaming About, the end
(via sephoraswings)
Anonymous asked: YOU GOT REBLOGGED BY SPACE-AUSTRALIANS
I don’t even know how that post got so popular. I just like to sit around and be a smart-ass about Legolas and Gimli, guys. Also, since it’s not my post, I never know who reblogs it until someone tells me or it comes across my dash.
royalslayer asked: wait wait wait wait. when you say robin hood, do you mean the old disney animation with the fox robin hood? because if so, im calling closeted furry here
laUGHING
Oh buddy that would almost be better. Like, don’t get me wrong, that was 100% my favorite movie as a Smol, but no, I was that kid who literally intended to time travel and marry Robin Hood and Maid Marian. Like, I was going to figure out time travel so that I could be one of the Merry Men, that was The Plan. I was Very Serious about my weird poly crush.
I’d like to point out that I’ve since grown up and decided that I would struggle in most poly relationships, BUT I would still marry Robin and Marian. Especially from Robin McKinley’s Outlaws of Sherwood, which is MY FAVE VERSION because Marian is a badass and Robin is perpetually heart eyes over her all the time. Scarlet is also good, which has Maid Marian as Will Scarlet (no, it’s not gay, she’s in disguise). I didn’t like BBC’s Robin Hood much–the first season was fun trash, but I honestly bailed on the spot when they killed Marian and tuned back in just in time to find out that they BURN DOWN NOTTINGHAM AND KILL ROBIN at which point I was just like *flips table* NO.
There was a theory going around a few years back that the Hogwarts Houses are influenced by which Element someone is - Fire, Earth, Air, or Water. If you’re up to it, reblog this with your House and Astrological Sign, to compare how often it ends up right. It’s incredibly interesting to me.
GRYFFINDOR: The Fire Signs - Leo, Aries, & Sagittarius
HUFFLEPUF: The Earth Signs - Taurus, Virgo, & Capricorn
RAVENCLAW: The Air Signs - Gemini, Libra, & Aquarius
SLYTHERIN: The Water Signs - Scorpio, Cancer, & Pisces
(via windbladess)
People who are complaining about Superman’s glasses disguising his identity have obviously never worn glasses. You take them off around your friends, people who see you every single day, and they’re like ,,WHAT THE FUCK, YOU LOOK SO DIFFERENT! IS THAT HOW YOUR EYES LOOK LIKE?! NO WAY! WHO ARE YOU???“
a girl i went to school with for over a decade came into my work once, we had a full blown conversation while i checked her out and she had no idea who i was bc i have glasses now, the clark kent glasses effect is real.
also i will eventually write a post about this but are we really going to pretend y'all would recognize A Random Reporter ™ say from your local newspaper if he dressed in lycra and flew around punching stuff. do you even know what any of the reporters from your local newspaper look like. would you even recognize them in reporter clothes. would you. would you sharon
This is 100% real. I went to a very small middle school and high school and I had a REPUTATION, okay, everyone knew me really well. And then I came into class one day with glasses on and my hair down and someone walked up and warned me… about myself. The look on their face when I took my glasses off and went “Are you fucking serious right now” was one of abject horror. I am confident that Clark Kent would be absolutely fine.
(via lupinatic)
There’s an old legend that a birthmark or defect indicates the spot where you received a fatal wound in your past life. In some cultures, people mark their dead with soot or paste so they can recognize them when they are reborn, which has inspired several researchers to spend their lives documenting hundreds of case studies that allegedly reflect this belief. Source Source 2 Source 3
Put how you died in the tags
(via windbladess)
Gay and bi people: who was your first fictional same-gender crush?
Mine was Velma from Scooby-Doo.
(via windbladess)
Hey there.
I need you to stop and read this for a second.
My best friend and I are creating an app to help closeted LGBTQIA+ kids in abusive situations.
The app is finished, and we plan on submitting it to the Technovation competition in April.
But there’s one problem.
We can’t get the app to help people if we don’t have the data.
The competition states we must source our own data through a survey, and if we don’t get enough participants, we can’t submit or release the app until we prove that there’s a need for it.
We already polled our school’s relatively small GSA, but that gave us biased answers that weren’t enough to successfully draw a conclusion.
Please, take this survey. No matter your sexuality, gender, preference, race, or anything of that matter. We need data to make this work.
More importantly, we need you to make this work.
The difference between this app helping people, and sitting in a trash folder on my computer is the amount of data this survey collects.
If you can, please help us out.
(via littlestartopaz)